Ask Dr. Tony - 10/26/2022
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- čas přidán 28. 08. 2024
- Subjects Addressed in this Episode:
Diagnosis
- "But I'm coordinated." - Starts at: 1:39
- ASD and introversion - Starts at: 3:50
- "Am I really that different from other people?" - Starts at: 5:54
- Autistic parents: "How much did that affect me?" - Starts at: 10:17
- Counselors ask: "How do I work with ASD parents?" - Starts at: 14:00
Sensory Sensitivity:
- Brushing one's teeth - Starts at: 17:46
Personal Management
- Sleep deprivation - Starts at: 19:49
Meltdowns
- In a college class - Starts at: 24:41
Masking
- "I don't know who I truly am." - Starts at: 28:12
Intimacy, Dating, Sex and Marriage
- "I don't know what I'm feeling." - Starts at: 32:17
- "I cannot connect emotionally." - Starts at: 35:25
- The social behavior of a gay autistic man - Starts at: 38:36
- "I don't like kissing." - Starts at: 40:19
Living with Autism
- Autism and Alzheimer's: "Is there any connection?" - Starts at: 42:38
- Burnouts vs Autistic Regression - Starts at: 46:14
- The latest in Autism Research - Starts at: 47:49
To submit a question for possible inclusion in future Ask Dr. Tony episodes visit www.autismhangout.com
This is such an extensive and long running series that I'm thoroughly impressed. I'm so appreciative of this series and the both of you, as well as the community with so many wonderful insights and queries. The questions are so well categorised, picked out and presented with very informative answers. I can't find too much information past a certain point on ASD because I've already done a lot of research that it becomes repetitive. But this series is fresh even with common themes (common with good reason!!), and I'm always learning. I believe this is due to the pros of having a large community of different people in and around ASD where the weigh-ins and perspectives vary wildly and these brilliant questions really help us contextualise different challenges even better within our own lives as well. I love this series so much. You are both so wonderful for doing these. I hope more of the ASD community will find these videos as they're a fantastic resource, and the best I've found.
I know, I am so grateful for their time and generosity of knowledge
Dr. Tony and Craig Evans, your question and answer sessions are so "right on" and helpful. To Dr. Tony, I am so appreciative for your explanations of the why's and how's of autistic thinking, feeling, and behavior. This really helps autistics and neurotypicals bridge the gap in understanding one another. Your work is so valuable. Thank you and "Bravo!"
Absolutely. I second that!
I am a 46 year old woman being assessed for autism and I identity highly with PDA features. I also have had extra sensory experiences all my life.
I used to be a working student at an Olympic level dressage barn a few decaded back, one of the primary reasons I quit was because I kept getting the feeling that the horses were sad. Crazy.
This past June, I thought I was crazy when I was in extreme amount of pain when one of my dogs was dying of bone cancer. I didn't realize it wasn't me until we were euthanizing him. As I watched the life drain from his eye, the pain drained from me. I still can't wrap my head around it. It disregulated me for a good month. I'm afraid of being labeled crazy. Immediately after, I stopped teaching yoga to seniors. For the last few years, I would look at my students and think, I look how they feel. All that pain went away as well. I still have my pain because I'm hypermobile but it's my pain. I'm spending a lot of time alone with a few select people and my special interests and that's fine for me. This makes sense to me. Thanks you Dr. Atwood.
Sorry for your pain. Glad you figured out reducing pain referred from others.
@@joycebrewer4150 thank you. I think the biggest relief is, the discovery that it's not me. Since my puppers death, I have been creating exercises to adapt around this so it isn't so debilitating.
I have similar experiences, especially with animals. I always thought that I lacked empathy because I don't pick up on the social cues and so people frequently told me that I was uncaring/cold/whatever. It turns out that I have strong empathy but I just process it differently and I figure that it's seems stronger with animals because they're simpler than humans when it comes to emotions and so are easier to empathise with. It does manifest as physical pain sometimes, as it does when my own emotions are too intense. Perhaps it's a way for our brain to process things that are abstract such as emotions.
As an autistic woman with an autistic husband and daughter, I LOVE Dr. Tony! He soothes my soul haha ... finally someone who gets me!
Clicking 'like' before I listen, because I know I will. :)
Same
I watch all these sessions, and I'm always comforted that at least there's the two of you somewhere in the world, who understand me so well:) I love you both.
I am autistic my husband has a close relative who has been diagnosed but I am not allowed to talk about autism with his relative. I get the vibes that it is something to be thoroughly ashamed of even though my husband's relative and i are talented. The grownup relative told me that the autistic relative has a friend who's mother just got diagnosed. I mentioned it s if it was known by the child and acceptable to talk about. I heard the adult relative on the phone talk about how shocked the child was. I say child but adolescent. Why would anyone be shocked? How is it shocking. I felt I am seen as a walking mistake that makes mistakes. And the elephant in the room is me. In a functional situation I would be a gold mine of information being treated so badly all through my childhood and give the right encouragement for the younger diagnosed. I understand how she thinks. Also we went for tea with a close neigjbour friend. When we got back the partner of the grown up said, "wasn't she good with C!" I'm not a moron. Why do people talk like this. Infact iam convinced he is an undiagnosed autistic. 8am using words like adult and child to represent the different generationd. And to stay anonymous.
@@PrinceJamesHey thanks. The people who work with airistic people need to know they are not clones the autistics are opposite to clones. Plenty of people who bully me are autistic but not diagnosed. I think they know it but are trying to fool others they are not. It's unique thinkers or just thinkers they have an issue with.
Great educational talk. Exciting how much is coming to be understood this decade.
I feel sorry for previous generations who had no idea. Thankyou
If they had known about Asperger's 60 or 70 years ago I would have been diagnosed as a child. I self diagnosed two years ago after reading the book "Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome". It was shocking to see how much of it applied to me. On the online test I scored 42. I was driven to research after meeting an 80 year old man who has classic Asperger's. Very smart but can't get along with most people. I could see many similarities between us.
Thank you both, it's always a pleasure to watch this series 💚
Sleep disruption: For me it's a) thinking about the day, looking forward getting better in situations I've "failed" b) scripting and planning for the next day. CBT like mentioned was very helpful. BUT the most c) my brain has to go over and over the day. It's like a film, that has to be watched over and over. It happens and it has to happen. CBT doesn't help (it was my Therapists opinion to address this, not mine, I was always fine with it). After years my feeling is, that my Aspiebrain needed this process. I think it's a form of reset my brain. I need this desperately and it's harmful for me to suppress it. a) and b) gave me sleeping disturbances, c) is absolutely necessary to calm down.
Another fantastic question and answer show. I would recommend all to watch. NT's and AS ones
I was raised with the notion that love that lasts is more than emotion, it is also, (sometimes for long stretches of time) or INSTEAD a decision one works to stick to. Ps. My parents remained married for 56 years.
Dr. T, your comment about counting sheep reminded me of a friend's comment a few days ago. She said she resorted to counting sheep to sleep. She got to 600 before she gave up, still wide awake, got out of bed, and made a cup of mild herb tea. She didn't sleep at all that night.
Been there. If I have this right, I fall into beta waves (active thinking) very easily, and out of it with great difficulty. The theory of counting sheep, I think, is that it is supposed to bore your mind. Counting is structured and just wakes me up; that may be common on the spectrum. Sometimes I can tell I am close to falling asleep if I hear a thought drift by that makes no sense, something like "teakettle marzipan has undefined zygotes."
Thanks for your comments on sleep management. Something that's helped me A LOT recently are CBD (marijuana) gummies, low dose, taken 3 hours or so before bed. I'm 74 and just diagnosed within the past year so I have a huge backlog of anxiety, and rumination has been my middle name. I also meditate, take long walks and practise Qi Gong, all of which also help, but the gummies were the icing on the cake.
With the questions about love, I couldn't help but hear the Foreigner song "I Want To Know What Love Is" the whole time: "I want to know what love is / I want you to show me...". That was one of my favourite songs at university in the 1980's! 😊
18:20 minutes: I recommend pure xylitol. It tastes like sugar. All you have to do is hold it in your mouth (a teaspoon full of xylitol) and let it melt for a few minutes. You will not need any toothpaste anymore!
Thanks so much for posting 🎉
Absolutely brilliant video thanks ❤
I am a 47 year old woman with problems brushing my teeth. Before I had physical problems I forced myself anyways. But now it seems that I don't often have the energy to force myself.
I'm 32 and have the same problem! I gag so much that sometimes I end up throwing up when trying to brush my teeth. I absolutely can not brush my tongue AT ALL and the thought of using an electric toothbrush just makes my skin crawl at the thought of the vibration. Nope nope nope 1000xs nope. It is an absolutely horrendous experience and I'm not sure how to go about remedying it. I do know clove is an oral anesthetic so maybe I will test out otc toothache medicines and see where that gets me. . .
@@raraysaya Sorry to hear that. I gag often too but luckily I have not thrown up. Wishing you the best!
I was diagnosed with ME/CFS almost 15 years ago. Now that I have found out that I am autistic, I see that I have probably struggled with severe/chronic autistic burnout for many years. I have been bedridden and feeling extremely sick for long periods. And I have a suspicion that autistic regression in adults actually is a more serious form of autistic burnout. Because even when I was at my worst, all tests at doctors and specialists were perfectly fine. It is the autistic nervous system that is simply so overloaded that the body and brain can't handle it anymore. And you lose abilities you used to have, both physical and cognitive. I spent many years with very strict and consistent activity control to get out of the worst ditch. But I might have lost some of my skills for good after all these years where I've been so burnt out.
I suspect that a part of the missing undiagnosed autistic women is to be found among women with ME/CFS. The symptom picture of ME and autistic burnout is very similar. And if you do not know that you are autistic, it is extra difficult to find out how to get better.
I was so good at masking that I did not know that I actually was masking. And I think that is a big problem in relation to finding out that you are autistic.
very good comment, I suspect the same! With both CFS and autism unfortunately it's almost impossible to find a competent doctor so I guess a lot of us are suffering for a long time until diagnosis (if that even ever happens for some...) or, more importantly, therapy or any kind of help.
If you want to permanently damage your mental health records, talk to a psychologist. 900 pages of diagnoses, and growing! Paid by the diagnosis, the power to incarcerate you at will, and no accountability. About as secure as walking into a room of buzz saws.
If your behavior is troublesome enough it doesn't matter. You will be incarcerated anyway.
@@Catlily5 ...'diagnosis for bucks' was cute, until rights and privileges are now being denied because of silly "diagnoses" like occasional nail biting, or tugging on mustache while reading. Judges have been convicted for sending people to jail, for profit. Not a far stretch, for psycholotrists to make a buck there too. Humans operate on incentives. There are no angels, even psycholotrists.
@@Catlily5 ...I am saying, if a psychologist is paid/promoted for his ability to produce revenue from insurance billing, there will be more diagnoses and hospitalizations. We are now at the point where the majority of people are considered 'abnormal'. Let that sink in.
@@joeshmoe7899 There are fewer psychiatric hospitalizations than before in the USA. Insurance won't pay for long term treatment much and the government can't hospitalize people against their will as easily anymore. More mentally ill people are in jail/prison than psychiatric hospitals now. Look up deinstitutionalization.
As far as minor mental problems you don't need to worry. Treatment is voluntary. You don't have to comply. It is only when you are severely enough ill to be hospitalized or commit crimes that you can be forced to take medicine or stay in a hospital.
@@Catlily5 ...looking at the numbers of mentally ill homeless, and overall mental illness, it seems safe to say that all psychologists have produced in a century is more labels. And psychiatrists: dubious and harmful treatments. At least they stopped lobotomies and shock treatment. Psycholotrists should come with a warning label. "You have no privacy, you'll probably be marked defective for life, and I have little to no remedies. If lucky, you won't get locked up."
CBT has been mentioned a lot on these videos but I've actually found DBT to be much better for me because it's far more intense, structured and helpful in understanding why I think/behave the way that I do.
I am aspie and used to be very good in doubles Badminton - very well matched with my partner! But outside the badminton game, I can be pretty wonky coordination wise. So the U curve rule is soooo applicable both times to me, depending on situation. Badminton was sort of a Special Interest when I was younger - that may be why...
Hi Dr. Tony, what books do you recommend for "high functional" autistic adults trying to live a successful and fulfilling life?
Hi there, is there a particular video that deals with the topic of criticism and defensiveness? Please post the link, thanks.
Please turn on CC…
Apparently, Dr. Tony’s accent is proving problematic for CZcams. They’re not even trying to convert it to closed caption. I’m sorry we can’t offer this. Craig.
I've had trouble with sleep for ages, at first i thought i was a night owl so i got a nightshift job but I ended up sleeping less like 2hrs a day... now with a new job I tend to only sleep when im really tired so ill be like 2- 3hrs acouple days then i sleep 12+
I used to hardly sleep for a few days and then sleep a ton. Thankfully I have gotten my sleep on a more regular schedule which has helped my mental health stay more stable. It is always a struggle for me, though.
I have the same issue with brushing my teeth, and I'm 54 and only recently diagnosed -- of course, I do brush them, but hate it and cannot wait to get the brush out of my mouth.
Someone gave me one of those eco bamboo brushes recently and all I wanted to do was throw up! 🤢🤢
Ohh...the bamboo toothbrush feels like a wooden popsicle stick between my teeth, which is just about the worst sensation EVER. 😝
My family gifted me an electric toothbrush. Worst gift ever! I was taking too long brushing teeth for them, the e-brush was to speed me up. I think I had been using the task to delay launching into my day.
I'm 32 and have the same problem! I gag so much that sometimes I end up throwing up when trying to brush my teeth. I absolutely can not brush my tongue AT ALL and the thought of using an electric toothbrush just makes my skin crawl at the thought of the vibration. Nope nope nope 1000xs nope. It is an absolutely horrendous experience and I'm not sure how to go about remedying it. I do know clove is an oral anesthetic so maybe I will test out otc toothache medicines and see where that gets me. . .
I stopped eating carbohydrates several years ago, and my teeth never ever feel dirty. I could probably get away with not brushing at all, but some things are so deeply ingrained, it's scary to stop and find out.
Can anyone ask Dr. Tony a question?
Yes. Send it in at www.askdoctortony.com
About meltdowns. I confessed to a woman, who's job it is to work all the time with autistics, that I had a panic attack which made me angry with my husband. She had no idea and said, "you didnot have a panic attack you had a tantrum. Then you had a panic attack afterward." She also introduced me to her granddaughter,"this is C, she has communication problems with people." No I don't!
She told someone to not tell me a joke, "because she is a very literal person" I was telling her I am not stupid. She kept smacking me down with verbal repetition of my name. I asked the guy the answer to the joke, he said I got the answer right. I had made friends with this lady when she sa me crying because on beer festival night a farting tramp that haunts the pub told thousand of lies to many people about me. And everyone thinks h is cool, he throws insults at me and everyone in the room They all laugh. I got barred because I'm autistic nd I am not allowed to tell him to stop lying. And stalking me. I was raped by a lowlife at primary school aged seven and bullied by headmaster who blamed me for all the abuse thrown at me. I had life threatening asthma attacks back then. The headmaster lives locally and snarles at me when he sees me. I wished my parents had believed me. The farting tramp reminds me of the older boy that raped me and the headmaster. Narcasists. Probably psychopaths. The rapest got over twenty thugs to attack me after school twist both arms behind so they could punch me. Result was a big sign of hormone imbalance. If they had done to their reproductive system what they find to mine with the punching alone they would have nothing left. They threw fireworks at our puppy. But the point is, why iam I always punished on top of, for the crimes made against me. I'm glad the abusive boys all fell out with the rapest when he"dated" their sisters and raped them too.when they were much older than I was.
17:46 HOW did this question get tackled without mentioning s**ual assault and the like?
Regarding toothbrushing?
@@Catlily5 yeah. I can't go into detail. There is a connection. The body remembers. But often people block trauma, even from their own memory. And when they do remember, they don't make the connection.
A competent psychiatrist should have explored this -which frankly makes me doubt that the person asking is a pro.
@@janalu4067 I have had blocked trauma before. The only thing I can figure is that you think the toothbrushing could be triggering a trauma memory?
If it's to do with ASD and they are already seeing a psychologist it's obviously to do with sensitivity and not assault
@@dontjudgeme90 Or both?
Sleep
Bad job explaining the strengths of the autistic parents to the neurotypical mother. You got this backwards. The NT mom needs to be encouraged to listen to the ND father. You are feeding her end of the double empathy gap
Sleep