I stopped commenting on changes in physique when I complimented a friend on slimming down only to find out it was bc they were obsessively running to keep their depression at bay
I had a friend like that. It is true, though, that part of the root cause of their depression was body dysmorphia, a firm conviction that they were just plain ugly and not performing their gender the way they wanted to.
So by doing that you provided them an opportunity to open themselves and tell you about their depression, to which you could respond with some comfort and understanding. Being on this depressed side, I think it's much better than just ignoring them or staying at small talk.
@@angrypotato_fz That’s assuming 1. We hadn’t previously discussed both their mental health and my own and 2. They wanted it brought up at the time it was. Neither of which are true.
a few years ago i started losing a significant amount of weight quite suddenly. The reason for that was because i had found myself in a profoundly abusive relationship and even though i was still eating normally, my body reacted to the 24/7 crippling anxiety by spontaneously losing weight. It was by no stretch of the imagination a good thing, or even something i wanted. Being complimented on it was weird. Although the complements did turn more towards concern after i fell below 60kg and started looking legitimately ill
"I'd rather fix what's in my head than fix what's on me" I am on the skinnier side, 183 cm/65 kg or around 6'0"/130 lbs. I used to hate my looks so much I wore hoodies in the middle of summer to make sure I never showed my skinny arms and drowned in sweat as a result of that. I remember deciding to go to the gym and trying to gain some weight, watching the calories, drinking protein shakes etc. I started at 61 kg and got up to 65 kg in a month, there was a visible improvement in both my muscle volume and the weights I could carry. But I felt I was looking worse than before. Then I gradually stopped going there because university work was killing me and I stopped having any motivation whatsoever. Then I went to therapy. And I got meds. Do I like the way that I look? No, but I don't feel disgusting anymore when I look at the mirror. And there are certainly people who are way more into that skinny look than me. Do I look better than I did when I was actively exercising? Definitely not, but probably not much worse since I took a gap year and I'm working a physical job rn Will I go back to the gym to get jacked? Maybe in the future, when (if?) I go back to uni and have more time and have the right frame of mind. My point is, a ton of people treat gym and fitness like a band-aid for their deep-rooted problems. And I did that as well. It made me so frustrated when the progress I was making at the gym didn't correlate with my mental well-being. And the message "fix what's in your head before you fix what's on you" is, in my opinion, a very important one. Life got so much better since I did that, I can't even explain it Everyone should be able to be at least comfortable in their own skin. Also, if someone looks like trash to you, they say one man's trash is another man's treasure. Thank you for this video, Adam. I think it sends a very important message.
Extremely valid and important to say. There's a whole lot of (REALLY good things) you could do for yourself that might turn self-destructive if you're doing them for the wrong reasons. There's a whole lot of people who do what seems like the healthy things, but for extremely harmful reasons. Get your mind right any time you're looking to get your body and health improved. Important note: If you get your head to a healthy place, your body will generally follow suit. Mandatory to work on the mind. There's plenty of horrifying examples (numerous celebrities come to mind) of people who seem to have *everything* in order, yet they're still so miserable they elect an early exit from existence. Or to poorly paraphrase the words of George Clinton: "free your mind - your ass will follow!"
As someone who’s also been struggling on the leaner end (125 pounds/57kg at 6’1/1.85m!) I feel you. People telling me that I should “eat more” (I eat a lot, I have a very fast metabolism) or that I should “workout”(I have been fit for most of my teenage life up until the pandemic, I’m 18 now and my body has had the same figure and weight) gets exhausting mentally. Thankfully despite this I’ve never had any dysphoria surrounding my current weight, but the comments do hurt overtime. Similarly to you, I have started going to the gym to get fit again. People keep asking me if I plan on bulking or ‘getting jacked’ but no, I too also get dysphoria if I look ‘jacked.’ I simply just want to be fit and have tone in my muscles. I’m glad I am content with how I look right now, and although the constant comments about my body don’t help, I’m glad I’m not as bothered as much as I could be by them.
@@KaufDirGeld I, respectfully, think this... > Going to the gym is way less risky then taking meds. I would always go that route again first. Those meds can fuck you up in ways you wouldnt believe. ...is the exact kind of Internet comment that Adam's video is speaking to, and I say that as someone who agrees with the general spirit of your comment when taken outside the context of Adam's video and this thread. OP shared that medication worked for them, it just doesn't need to be said. It would be much better to volunteer personal experience using "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, I saw how SSRIs negatively affected my family and friends so, when I eventually went to therapy for depression, I shared what I had seen and explained that I do not want medication, I want to explore all other available treatment routes and will only consider medication as a last resort. My psychologist explained it to me like this. Climbing out of a hole you've found yourself in is hard, the walls are steep and you are fighting an uphill battle. It requires putting the work in on a healthy diet, exercise, and therapy no matter what. Medication is not a solution in and of itself, it is just a tool that one can use to put the thumb on the scale and tilt the playing field somewhat more to your own advantage while you put the work in on those other things and get past the steepest part of that hill you have to climb. We worked together and I found a drug (lamotrigine) that is not in the SSRI class and does not have any of the risks I was concerned about associated with it, such as weight gain. I was willing to try, and it did make it somewhat easier for me to put in that work and climb that hill. When I was feeling better, had my diet under control, and was exercising a healthy amount, we weaned me off lamotrigine. I think the only thing that needs to be said is that no matter what you are working on, it is important to work with experts in the relevant fields such as a competent nutritionist for your diet, certified trainers and your general care practitioner for your exercise, or a psychiatrist for your drugs and therapy to make sure that your strategy is safe and effective for your unique circumstances and goals.
I have severe fistulizing Crohn's disease. When I'm skinny I'm sick, when I'm fat I'm doing well. People are so weirded out when I declare with joy, "I'm fat and energetic!". I would be delighted to be slender and healthy but I've been dangerously and terrifyingly underweight for years and I'm convinced I'd be dead if I hadn't had resources to spare when I needed them. I suspect my body thinks so too. Exercise is so good for me, thinking about what my body can DO instead of what it looks like is mentally more nourishing. And right now it's capable of digestion! Not elegance. BFD. (Great video. Thanks)
I've got Crohn's disease too, and the things people say can be so baffling at times. Back in 2021, when my condition was at its worst, I lost around 15-20kg within just a few months. I couldn't eat anything without feeling like my entire digestive system was being purged immediately afterwards. I looked like a skeleton. As someone who had always been a fairly stocky guy throughout my teens and adult life, never tall but quite bulky, this rapid weight loss took a significant toll on me. What really confused (and hurt) me the most was my extended family's reaction - they praised me for my appearance. I couldn't wrap my head around why they would look at a visibly ill 17 year old, knowing full well about my condition, and tell me I looked better than ever. The same people would then go on to suggest that exercise and cutting out junk food would "cure" my Crohn's. It was so incredibly insensitive. Fast forward to now, I'm doing much better. Even though I'm in the "fat and healthy" phase, I've never been happier with my body. I'm the strongest and most capable I've ever been. Thank you for sharing your experience; it made me feel so much more understood. I hope you're doing well!
@@sinexusdisease sucks and it's hard for er... non-wisened... people to understand that there's a context to weight. That and the fact that fat and muscle have been signs of health for as long as humans have had such concepts. To have fat is to have security, energy, safety, ect. Of course being lean is good for many things but surviving until tomorrow when that is not guaranteed is not usually one of them. All of that being said I am very ignorant on Crohns. Hope you're well homie
A friend and i was talking to our former teacher when a guy came over and complimented her for loosing a lot of weight. We just had to stand there and hear her thanking him for the “compliment” even though we knew she lost the weight because her husband died. It still makes my stomach turn just thinking about it!
The pregnancy thing is 200% something people should hear. My partner put on a bit of weight due to significant health issues and multiple people asked if she was pregnant. She came home crying and it still makes her uncomfortable to think about years later.
@@grimoire2491 please consider rewatching the video you're commenting on if you're willing to say that to someone you don't know. it is a bad thing that jents' partner came home crying. there shouldn't be any argument about this. if you're so fixated on weight as a perceived signifier of someone's health and moralizing it to the point where it's ok to make someone cry over it, you missed the point of the video entirely.
@@grimoire2491Dude, she was most likely already aware of her health issues, and no, not every health issue can be quickly and aptly fixed by 'working out and eating well'. Most people don't need you, the Saviour who will remind them of their troubles. Like several people have already pointed out, it's almost hilarious how much Adam's point flew over your head.
thank you for this video. i've dealt with eating disorders for most of my life. at first it was binge eating disorder, which then morphed into bulimia. for a good chunk of that time, i was overweight. the way people treated me was horrible (viewing fat people as gluttonous, gross, undisciplined, whereas at the time i was trying to cope with trauma). then i began starving myself and had a whole onslaught of health issues. i began fainting, dealing with severe brain fog, and any exertion made me feel dizzy and ill... but everyone was quick to comment on how wonderful i looked, how much better and prettier, "healthier" even etc... it felt like a sick joke and also exasperated my illness. i'm now recovered but i'll never forget how awful people can be.
Good for you for going sober man. I used to be a massive pothead for over 20 years. Then I hit 30 years old and added drinking to that, things all kinda came crashing down for me around 36. Now I've completely quit pot and I manage to only drink some wine on the weekends, I still want to quit completely but I'm not ready. I'm single though and don't have many friends or a social life so I'm trying to work on that side now. I'm glad you have your wife by your side to help you through this. I've learned a lot from you and you are a rare force for good in this world.
An older person I had not seen in years exclaimed, “So, when’s the due date?” From her point of view, I understand. She feels positively towards me. She was happy for me when she heard I got married. She knew I really want to have kids. Plural. And she comes from an older generation where this kind of question is not only accepted but expected, I think. Now flip to my point of view. I’ve now had three miscarriages. One of them would have ended my life without medical intervention. And one of them resulted in weight gain which I haven’t been able to reverse. And I have my own back-history of being shamed for my weight…including an aunt who bought me a lovely leather jacket…sized XL…when I reached size 8 (while my cousins were size 2 and 0). So that question just hurt in so many ways, regardless of the positive intent. I had to vent to my husband and a good friend and do a lot of mental/emotional exercises before I could get back into a healthy place. I don’t blame her. I know she just doesn’t get it and I have no way of changing her behavior. But if just one person out there might spend an extra microsecond before pressing “send” or opening their mouth, then sharing this personal story is worth it.
I've had miscarriages too, but I take people as they are as we all tend to mirror those we're around anyway. They ask me what my due date is & I rub their belly & ask them what they're going to name this one. They usually replay with "pizza" or "beer" & we both get a laugh & move on.
@@MeanOldLady Username checks out lol Honestly though, even older generations have the saying: "Think before you speak". Just being a tiny bit more considerate before shooting your mouth off can make a big difference.
I just had gastric sleeve surgery and I've been watching a bunch of testimonials about how people reacted to their bodies, the algorithm recommended this to me. Thanks, Adam. I feel genuinely a lot better with setting boundaries.
I'm a fat guy who's recently intentionally lost a bunch of weight via discipline, eating intentionally, habit forming, etc. And previously, the time when I've visibly lost a lot of weight was when I wasn't eating much at all due to stressful and traumatic events going on in my life, and the fact that the responses to these two events are indistinguishable illustrates that we really just shouldn't comment on people's bodies unless they're inviting it or we know their desires and intentions, and even then we should approach it cautiously. "hey, you look so great losing weight" feels really shitty when you're doing it because you're not sleeping and you're miserable all the time. Great discussion, Adam.
The time in my life when I lost the most weight was when I was scared I had cancer and was going back and forth with doctors and having tests done. I ended up being lucky and not having cancer. But being scared of it basically killed all of my appetite and I didn’t want to eat much.
Same experience for me: about 10 years ago i've lost so much weight due to stress and poverty but everybody was complimenting me. That time is stuck in my head when i workout and eat healthy but people insist that i'm not doing it "correctly" because i'm not losing enough weight
I’ve lost 90 lbs due to a medical condition that makes me puke constantly and unable to eat. The number of people who have said they wish they had this illness so they too can loose weight is insane. Like no, no you don’t and also thanks for minimizing my illness or whatever. It sucks
I use to know a girl who had a medical condition that made it hard for her body to absorb nurturance from the food she ate, she use to hate it with people commented that she looked good because she was so thin because to her her thinness was linked with her medical problems and constant fatigue. It also implied that when she found a treatment for her condition that she would no longer meet their standards of beauty.
I quit smoking but I relapsed and I lost a lot of weight because i started again. I got a bunch of compliments and I got more social because i smoked with my colleagues. Clean for a year now and I feel way better despite higher body fat percentage.
After I put on a bunch of weight in the bad times of 2020 and 2021 I worked hard and lost about 50 pounds, amongst all the people congratulating me I had one person pull me aside and make sure it was intentional good weight loss and not something medically wrong causing me to lose weight. Having known a few people who have had medical problems causing them to lose scary amounts of weight I really appreciated that. Sadly I since shattered my knee and put all the weight back on while I was having a painfully long recovery, but now that it's healed up I'm working on getting back in shape again
Same, although not to that degree. I was asked "how'd you get so thin so quick?" so I, whose appendix burst at the time and was hospitalized on a liquid diet for 5 days, laid out the facts. She was visibly embarrassed and apologized quickly. Of course, anonymous CZcams commentors from across the world might not share that empathy, but sometimes you just have to hope that they do.
Men in my family get fat faces as they age. It happened to my dad, it happened to me. But while he was wasting away with two different cancers, he lost so much weight that his face thinned down and looked young and very handsome, with great bone structure. He only weighed 70 pounds at that point, but his face was amazing. I would have loved to have seen his old fat healthy face, instead.
I nearly died a while back and wound up in the hospital for over thirty days and after I got out I had lost eighty pounds due to dietary changes that were medically necessary and the not great hospital food. People kept commenting on how good I looked while I was unable to walk more than fifty feet without nearly passing out due to having a bum leg from surgery and deconditioning from having to lay in a hospital bed for over a month. Made me feel disgusting every time they did it, It really put into my mind that whatever I was going through, they just saw that I had lost weight and they considered that healthy. My health wasn't even secondary, it wasn't a part of the equation, they just wanted me thinner.
Something similar happened to me. You know in the society I live in (Cyprus) random strangers would comment on my weight. And then I lost some kilos and they assumed I dieted even though I got thinner because I was hospitalised. I felt weird about it.
@@PanagiotisPolitis-bl9xjExcept it’s been known for decades that dieting doesn’t work. They’re just totally misinformed and only care about how skinny someone is. Hence OP’s complaint
I follow a streamer who, a few years back, got sick and lost weight really fast. People kept coming into his stream commenting on how he looked "lean". He had to keep explaining that no, it wasn't due to his commitment to the peloton, it was because of the double food poisoning... This situation is rather amusing (he's fine now) but as you said, don't just assume all changes in appearance are intentional or welcomed.
sometimes, people lose weight because they intentionally changed their behaviors and environment. other times, a tapeworm called Lil’ Caesar gives you simultaneous salmonella and campylobacter infections and causes you to 💩 your brains out
@@Escher99I don't know this streamer but doesn't the fact his audience knows that he has an exercise machine presumably for fitness, down to the brand, no less invite comment on his physique assuming he's discussed exercising?
@@shawnsgIt's for sure an understandable mistake on the part of NL's audience considering how often cardio is a topic of conversation for him, and he mostly took it in stride, but it still illustrates the point pretty well here. There was absolutely no need for those people to *guess* that he'd be pleased with an unsolicited comment on his body. As Adam mentioned, we should really be considering these things with the same logic as congratulating a visibly pregnant woman. Even if it's a female friend you know has been trying for a baby, you're still way better off letting them bring it up than making a simple assumption that leaves you looking like a total douche if you're wrong
"Daddy Ragusea" is no longer a meme. Adam has been a solid father figure this entire time 🫡 Seriously though, thanks for this vid dude. Even hearing some people comment positively on other people's bodies uninvited makes me uncomfortable. This helped me articulate why I have trouble around it.
There’s definitely ways to extend the “fitness kick” without it being in spite of pains or discomfort. It lets you preserve a lot of the self-compassion that comes from how you choose to keep yourself healthy/happy. Like running shoes, meditation, incorporating quality time with loved ones (check ✅), and many others! ❤
I'm someone whose weight can fluctuate by 100lbs, and this whole video resonated with me. I agree with everything you said, but I also wanted to thank you for sharing your experience. In general, I think men need to do that more often. Basically every guy I know is struggling somehow, and desperately needs to know they're not the only one, and more importantly, it's okay to ask for help when they need it.
One of the problems here is that we aren't willing to enforce these norms when the comments target 'bad' people or target people on the other side of a political dispute. That undermines the norm and tells people it's ok to comment negatively when you think the target is bad. I mean I despise the Trumps and like Colbert but when he mocks how Eric Trump looks that implicitly gives people permission to mock looks as long as they feel the target is bad -- and that makes the norm unworkable. For people to invest in a norm they need to feel it's applied universally. The second people feel a norm won't protect them or those they affiliate with they won't abide by it themselves.
You're perfectly right, unfortunately. Self-proclaimed progressives sometimes comment on political issues in such a horrible style that they themselves would be right to protest about had self-proclaimed conservatives commented that.
@@erzsebetkovacs2527 Yes, because progressives are people with all the flaws of anyone else and as such are vulnerable to being petty, biased and apply stereotypes just like as anyone else. What's important is that we don't behave in such a tribal fashion that we can't call out people on our side for bad behavior. And I think part of doing that is not thinking in pure black and white terms (good people can do bad things) otherwise it's too hard to gently correct people.
I read a Tom Nichols piece in The Atlantic not too long ago about how, though he despises Trump, he would stop using any disrespectful nicknames for the man, and simply refer to him as Trump, Mr Trump, or Former President Trump. We need to treat everyone, including our political opponents, with respect. Fight them on adult levels, not by sounding like a 5 year old bully.
@@lizcademy4809 Thats good, I'll have to look for the piece. But that might be asking alot. I think we can distinguish just generic disrespect, eg calling Trump "that jerk Trump" or whatever and mocking him for his physical attributes or pronunciation of whatever. You don't have to accord someone respect to avoid being cruel about their shortcomings (eg discussion about his penis)
Yeah, but in this video, he also saying don't comment at all even if you think you're saying something good. I noticed it's very common for people who are attractive for people who know they're attractive to be uncomfortable receiving compliments about their appearance. Because they're just so tired of it.
@@chippsdubbo89 accepting that real people go through weight gain/loss depending on their situations in life. He also shown me a way to confident in myself no matter what weight. Also he show me how to loose weight and many other things that range from masculinity and emotional intelligence.
As someone that is on a large weight loss journey for physical and mental health reasons, you raise a fascinating point around resolving body image issues vs resolving body issues. When I get to the "end" of my journey I will be phyiscally healthier and feel great for sure... but there's more work to be done on the mental side. Body dysmorphia after coming down to a healthy wait is a real problem.
This is a topic that I've had to work with my mom over. I've battled body image issues for years, and my mom's comments weren't helpful. Case in point, the skinniest times in my life were NOT my healthiest either. The suggestion of "don't say anything unless it's necessary"? Yup, I finally had enough with my mom over a video call when she complained about some people she didn't think should've been wearing bathing suits and outright told her "you do that alot, and it's frustrating". Luckily, she took my critique seriously, and we're in a much better place because of it. All this to say thank you Adam for reminding us that sometimes the best thing we can do is zip it!
Two young relatives of a friend were talking about an old guy wearing a speedo at the beach, complaining that he looked gross, wasn't attractive, who did he think would like that, etc etc - I stopped them and pointed out that he was not at the beach to give them pleasure, he was at the beach to enjoy himself. They were so surprised at that idea! It hadn't occurred to them - they are always concerned with what other people think about them, so going to the beach in a speedo just to enjoy the sun and sea on your skin, purely for pleasure, astounded them. And, of course, since what people think is attractive varies so much, the old guy in the speedo was very probably being admired by some other people on the beach - people who weren't at all interested in the self absorbed young twits.
Your honesty about your trials and tribulations, as well as your past internet comment malfeasance (great word!), is incredibly refreshing. Thanks for giving us the talking to we all needed. And congrats on your sobriety!
I feel like you took all the scrambled thoughts in my head and actually managed to organize them into something coherent. This was a great video and a good reminder! I hope your health journey goes well, even with any little hiccups and setbacks, and that you can feel good about yourself inside and out. That's what matters at the end of the day
This is definitely a thing I've run into. I _like_ being a little overweight, it's a shape I've always found attractive and always wanted for myself. I worked really hard in my 20s to actually eat enough to put on some weight. It's less of a struggle now in my 30s, but back then if I wasn't putting effort into gaining, I was a twig. So after having an extended bout of depression and not eating very much, getting complimented on how "good" and "healthy" I was looking was kind of an oof moment. It wasn't intentional, it was the opposite of what I wanted, and it was implying that I don't look good normally.
A lot of it is culture, too. Growing up in Eastern Europe, my family members would be honest in telling each other, "Hey, you're looking a little chubby this week." It was never to put each other down or make people look at us and judge. It was to point out that maybe it was time cut back on the naughty stuff for a while out of a genuine concern for our health's sake. Then I came to the US, and man, is it considered such an insult to say anything about weight fluctuations. My impression is that it's because in my culture growing up, what is said is what is meant. If you mean to insult someone, you would outright say it. In the US, people seem to really get into "reading between the lines" in the words or phrases that are spoken, so something like, "You're looking pudgy" becomes "Oh, my God, what is wrong with you, you fat cow?" It's very, *very* bizarre to me. 😧 But, I live in the US, so I've adapted. I wonder if perhaps some of the people making those comments are not familiar with American culture like I am for having lived in it, and that's why they comment on someone's body? CZcams is, after all, used *worldwide*, and English is taught as a second language in many countries because it's one of the most ubiquitous and useful ones to know.
This reminds me of an exchange I had at work. An old man asked if I was pregnant with twins. I'm pretty big and trying to lose weight. I pretended not to hear him. When I was too quiet I guess, he asked if I was mad and that he shouldn't have said that. I pretended to not know what he meant and he said "Yes, you do." I wasn't angry because I had a weird feeling that he was suffering from dementia or mental side effects from medication. I try to keep this in mind when people are being difficult.
Yeah. I've always liked listening to intelligent people just 'pondering' some question or problem. Not even necessarily in the sense of offering a solution. It's just interesting and intellectually stimulating, to follow someone else's logic and arguments and see where they arrive at the end. Especially if it's not done in a hectic, 'sped up' way or with distracting music in the background (like many videos these days).
@@nicoskefalas Oh well, he has a background in journalism and even taught classes at a university at some point, if I remember correctly. So not your average dude, when it comes to presenting a complicated topic in a coherent fashion. But it never hurts to try and see how far you can improve at it!
So many people view weight change as a solely moral thing. As if they're saving your soul or something by giving unsolicited comments. I won't call it advice because it isn't helpful nor does it come from any genuine concern. While I can attest to how discipline and dedication have helped me get more fit and more towards what I would like my body to look like, the most most drastic changes in my weight were always due to extenuating mental circumstances. I was trying to stop binge drinking for a time, but I just replaced it with binge eating. That technically may have been better for my health, but seeing myself get more and more out of shape definitely sent me into a little spiral. Somewhat ironically, I recently lost like 15 pounds in like two weeks because I was massively, massively stressed to the point where I couldn't eat and couldn't sleep multiple nights in a row. My mom complimented how I was looking, but what was I gonna say to that? I wish it were enough to tell people that you end up being much more helpful when you're kind than when you're cruel, but I think the cruelty is the point for a lot of people. I have my own fatphobia that I have to deal with, but some of the things people feel free to say out loud is astonishing.
You know that even anthropologists have compared “healthy” eating and slimness to a religion. I wrote an entire PhD thesis on “Healthmania”. Fat did become a moral or intelligence “deficiency”.
People don't realise how much our eating habits are dictated by things like hormones, metabolism and childhood environment. No one chose to have any of these things, they were born with them. When that isn't taken into account, people justify shaming because they think the person isn't trying hard enough.
@@endofcentury7077 It makes more sense when you consider that every major religion has some version of the sins, and three major ones are all related to behaviors connected to weight and fitness. Gluttony, Greed, and Sloth. So yeah, a lot of people are going to have moral opinions on the subject.
@@OmniversalInsectThis is so true. I have struggled to get my weight to 70kg again as I am 182cm and keep falling down to 60kg, or even a kilo or two below. Started on HRT two months ago, suddenly I've gained most of that weight and I didn't change anything intent or method-wise (and I suspect there's more to come considering I need extra fat for tissue growth like boobs).
I quit alcohol and cannabis around 26 years ago, I've essentially been dry my whole adult life. Whilst choosing that life does isolate you from a lot of people, and bizarrely it also upsets a lot of people too, for me at least it has been the right choice. You do what's right for you, Adam.
Walking for 16 minutes in flip flops, which require your toes to sorta pinch the strap in order to lift them off the ground properly, can get uncomfortable and even painful, yes. Definitely a lot less comfortable than shoes.@@TheWallProductions17
@@TheWallProductions17 the distance you feel when you walk in flip flops is multiplied by 7. It's like dog years. That's almost 2 hours worth of non-stop walking
So thoughtful. Like so many people here I’ve been through significant weight loss due to a medical condition. When people complimented me for slimming down I just felt even more disconnected and different from “regular people”. Suddenly facing my mortality at 25 was MORE than enough to make me feel different and weird. I didn’t need the reminders.
I know i'm late to the video, but I just wanted to share that you, Adam, have been pretty inspirational for me to change my outlook and relationship with food. I've always been obese even since I was a kid, and watching your videos on food, the science, and exercise has been very informative for me. I have since then begun my own journey of changing my outlook on my image and weight issues, and I know that you are at least partially why that is. I'm sorry that you still struggle with the things that you struggle with, but I hope that you know that, at least for me, you have helped a lot.
My litmus test is "Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said now? Does it need to be said by you?" I disagree with your assertion that we should never comment positively on people's bodies unless they bring it up. Body image is a stubborn thing. I once lost 80-ish pounds and didn't "notice". In my head, I was still a big fat guy. No one said anything positive about my weight loss (no one said much positive to me back then anyway). One day, I walked by a window and saw a skinny guy inside before realizing it was my reflection. Sometimes you need outside reinforcement/encouragement and if you prompt it, you can never be sure that it's genuine. On the flip side of that, I don't want to go around my entire life censoring myself because of some edge case. Most people who lose weight don't have cancer or eating disorders or mental health issues related to the weight loss, and anyone who does shouldn't hold others at fault for not knowing it. Just like it is our responsibility to not be assholes, it's also our responsibility to be charitable with our assumptions of others' intent. Unless you have reason to believe the comment came from a place of malice, you should treat it like it didn't. If someone compliments you, you shouldn't then bite their head off because they didn't know that compliment would hurt your feelings. And don't think we don't see what you're doing there telling us not to comment on things while walking around in vintage 1970's basketball shorts. You can't bait people like that, Adam! It's not fair!
oh adam, you gentle bastard it is a delight to watch such a normal man become shocked & appalled about how much of an abnormal place the internet is, even if its not a delight for you to live through that realization. this strange place somehow awakens a dark part of our psyche that is always there, and it is no doubt unpleasant, but its just the way of the world here and its simply never going to change.
8:55 hit different... to someone who has been varying degrees of overveight for all of their childhood until I was 22, this was the most relatable sentence if them all. Love you Adam. Realy, if the persona you show us on the internet is close tot he person you really are, you should be proud! Take care
im getting sober at the moment while also trying to tackle an eating disorder, and ive watched your channel for years. videos like this, and the info shared so openly and honestly, are so important. thankyou for this, Adam
I don't understand why the two introductions comment thing is bad? The assumption with no body comments is that people know what their body looks like, but people don't know what their art looks like. That's why we have editors.
Living in Japan people comment on me gaining and losing weight ALL THE TIME. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing, it does get you thinking about your overall health. I have to respectfully disagree with Adam here in that I think the American hypersensitivity to any mention of weight might be one of the most unhealthy and unhelpful ways to approach these issues which absolutely everyone will deal with. (In case you’re wondering I grew up always being the fattest kid in class so I’ve had more than my fair share of unpleasant comments directed towards my weight, but not every mention of weight is necessarily unpleasant, it’s possible to be thoughtful and caring when talking about this stuff..)
@@KazeNoTaniFarmHakuba Friends and family mentioning your weight in a considerate way when talking to you is not the same as the type of public shaming Adam highlights in this video. And even if words from friends and family genuinely mean well, the authority on whether you actually NEED to lose/gain weight should always be a medical professional. Some people just naturally shift in weight throughout their lives without ever going into truly unhealthy ranges (on either end of the spectrum). And if you want to lose/gain weight for aesthetics, that should come from intrinsic desire, not outside pressure for seemingly no reason other than conforming to arbitrary social norms. If it makes my argument more credible, you should know I'm also a former fat kid who's currently in amazing shape.
Yes and it still contributes to body dysmorphia. Working out is not as common in East asian countries. Imo the disordered eating is worst there bc of how blase it is to comment on weight.
If what you’re saying is true we should see significant effects by country but average BMI is relatively low in east asian countries even though Body dismorphia and eating disorder rates seem to be no greater than other similarly developed countries Do you have some evidence that I couldn’t find with a Google search?
American obesity has been out of control for years. The worst thing we can continue to do is to “politely” ignore it. Acknowledge the problem. Identify the causes. Enact and encourage the solution. It’s not hard or expensive to be a healthy weight. Or do people really think everyone pre-1960 were starving themselves to get their fit physique?
i really appreciate the vulnerability you've shared with us in this video. you shouldnt have to reveal so much of your life history just to stop people commenting on your weight, but i know that you were going for a much broader message than just "stop doing this". sometimes it takes real vulnerability to open people's eyes to the effect theyre having on others. you're doing great work guiding your community to be a respectful, supportive place 💛
Even out of earshot I don't make catty comments about others, it's a bad habit that internalizes the worst in me. Instead, I think the comment thru and ask myself why I am thinking this and how it is my business to even say something out of earshot. I finish my thought process by imaging the other person as a wonderful soul who is dealing with life as best they can. The next time I see someone who I might make a snide or catty remark about I can quickly get to the wonderful soul. It's about me, when I can look at others and see just their soul, I am a better person and will treat others through my soul, and not my bigoted mind.
I think an important aside to this conversation is that internet comments, as a kind of public forum, are not necessarily perceived as having different social norms whether they are attached to an individual creator or a faceless organization. If Warner Brothers drops a new movie trailer on CZcams today, I'll feel pretty comfortable saying something harsh if I think it's crap. However, if someone with 200 subscribers posts a short film they made, I'm much more likely to treat my comments as a direct conversation with the creator, and be polite. A channel like Adam's can be a weird middle-ground, because he is an individual, but with 2.5 million subscribers, there are enough of us viewers that we have a reasonable expectation that he will not see every single comment... so arguably we're talking more to each other than to him- and we have no real way of knowing when he might be "within earshot."
I've been dropping weight quite quickly, because I'm a diabetic struggling a LOT with food issues. (Not just that damn it I like bread, but because bread is CHEAP and my budget shrinks with every month.) And yes, yes, portion control, habit forming (in the good sense,) all those things. BUT if someone tried to tell me "gosh you look like you've lost weight!" ... I think I'd probably bite their heads off. What *I* care about is that the people around me are happy and doing okay emotionally, mentally, and only THEN do I maybe worry about their physical health. And absolutely NONE of it is something that I have a right to comment on in a way that shames or praises them. Ask me for an opinion, I'll give it, but like bowel movements, I'm not airing that opinion without that request.
I'm a writer with all the same addictive and depressive tendencies, so this hits close to home. You're not alone, you're doing great, and stubborn thoughtfulness is the only way forward. Good talk.
It was weird realizing I would likely never think of myself as not-fat. I'm not really anymore, I'm pretty fit and strong, and can run multiple kilometers at a time. But it doesn't matter. People commenting on my weight in general is uncomfortable, I don't know how to receive it if it's good, and I just take it if it's bad. I still feel like I deserve to be mocked, to be informed, and I project that sometimes. I don't say anything, but I'm most assuredly thinking it. Being a fat kid really fucks you up in North America, most places really, I didn't even get mocked much when I was young, family didn't help, I did most of it by myself. Maybe that's worse. I don't know. I talk to a counselor about it but it's so deeply ingrained that I'm not attractive due to my weight that it's not a fact issue anymore, it's just an embedded reality. Anyways, staying healthy is good, and this video is good too. Thanks Adam.
I feel you. We live in a society that places way too much value on "attractiveness" and, by extension, weight. I used to (and still do sometimes) think the same things about myself and yeah, it definitely feels like something that's just inherent to how your brain works. I dont know if you need to hear this, but you are valuable and worth knowing regardless of who does or doesn't find you attractive. Also something that helped me was trying to see myself from a stranger's perspective. I started asking myself, "If I saw someone who looked like me out in public, what would I think about them?" I realized I probably wouldn't give their weight or body shape a second thought. I'm not saying this is a perfect solution, but it has helped me be less critical of myself. And if it helps, a stranger on the internet thinks you're doing a good job. Glad you're getting counseling. I hope it helps. Keep going 😊
As someone with an eating disorder, this is a conversation that makes anyone uncomfortable but also precisely why it's needed more. So thank you Adam for this video.
People are just going to say things that hurt your feelings and there's no way anyone can stop that. What we can do is recognize that sometimes people say hurtful things and we move on and we don't let it eat us alive. I've been asked if I was pregnant when I was obese. I have been congratulated for weight loss that was due to cancer treatment. I don't let it bother me. I find something else to focus my energy on. I don't give it space in my mind. I don't allow rumination. If we participate in social media, then we accept by default that we will introduce a lot of negative comments toward ourselves. If we can't handle that, we need to stop using social media or limit it strictly. The one thing that can't be done is change other people's behavior. You can only change yours.
I had a relative who was on Ozempic for a while. It really took a toll on their body but people were constantly telling them how good they looked having lost weight. All the positive feeback kept them on a medication that was making them feel like shit way longer than they should have.
"...suffice it to say that I find my basic, baseline existence, my baseline experience of my well-being in the world to be kind of intolerable in some ways..." Well, I just found a better way to articulate my state of being to my therapist. Much appreciated Mr. Ragusea!
I completely agree, Sometimes those comments about losing weight can really drive it to becoming dangerous. My family were always awful but as soon as a dropped a few stone they started treating me like a person and saying how good I looked. It really made me believe that my only value was being skinny, it lead to an extreme case of anorexia that almost killed me and has permanently damaged one of my legs some days I can't feel it or lift it properly at all and some days it's enough I can walk around fairly alright, but even after getting that sick my family still didn't see this as a bad thing. I'm sorry that people are commenting on your body in any way and it's really good that you've realised working out obsessively or dieting can be as dangerous as any other addiction before it got to a point of becoming that for you.
Started following years ago for the cooking content, the content you have been putting out lately has been inspiring, the ammount of wisdom and self-awareness you have is insane. Thanks for these videos Adam.
This is why I/we love you Adam, you're real, honest and have such great EQ. Your ability to self reflect evaluating your own thoughts and share with us has always been the best part of your videos.
I don’t understand why a comment like the one Adam made about the video with the two introductions should be considered unacceptable or unwarranted in some way. It’s a sincere comment. It’s not coming from a place of malice. It’s coming from a sense of curiosity, and it could result in constructive feedback for the CZcamsr. I don’t understand the reasoning behind some Adam’s perspective here.
As a person who's struggled with eating disorders and restrictive eating because of physical health issues I've worried about the accidental and sometimes purposeful promotion of thinness as an ideal on this channel, and I thank you for addressing it. So often weight loss or gain is a sign of deeper issues and commenting on it just isn't necessary. Worrying about it yourself also makes it worse - if I desperately want to gain weight but can't eat, I will stress myself into eating less. Food should be as enjoyable and worry free as possible, and I'm glad it's becoming that for you again.
What I really like about this video is Adam's candor doesn't feel like over sharing, what he's talking about and what he's going through is so common it would almost feel bizarre is he talked around it. Like, obviously there's a lot of stigma in our society about these topics, so usually people would use euphemism, but here Adam is just speaking about them straightforwardly and matter-a-factly. And I don't even mean this from the perspective of "normalising" these topics (not saying that's a bad thing), but moreso I appreciate that his tone kind of defies that parasocial kinda "normalization" where people feel the need to bare their souls to the public in order to confront the reality of these issues. I like that you can feel the health distance in Adam's delivery.
Digging the RP shirt. Your podcast with Dr. Mike got me into the RP Rabbit hole and subsequently into fitness. Thank you Adam for being a positive influence in my life in particular.
My friend and I both were in deep in on our restriction problems (ED) but weren't ready to admit it. Until I told her she looked good (her size got smaller) and she said "thanks, but actually I have anorexia." It clicked immediately. Never say anyrhing about someone's body. There's no reason. I'm now in treatment for restriction and doing my best but I'm fat. And people tefuse to believe that I fight with bulimic behaviours and restriction nearly every single moment of every day. To end on a happy note, two great things about gaining weight is i dont feel faint when I get up anymore and it doesn't hurt my butt bones to sit! I love my new butt and my cats love my belly😊
I understand your point, but a lot of people do actually want those compliments when they lose weight and gain muscle. it was a huge boost to my self esteem when it happened to me, and it encouraged me to permanently adopt a healthier lifestyle. I think if we prohibit ourselves from giving these kinds of compliments we're only encouraging a more neurotic society instead of a more caring one. There are totally valid exceptions where those compliments are not appreciated, but they I don't think they apply to most people. Although 100% agree about making negative catty comments about people's weight in front of them.
This reminds me of when my sister was diagnosed at the same time with an autoimmune disease AND cancer. She went through six months of radiation treatments to rid any remaining cells after surgery, resulting in her losing weight (three sizes worth). When she went back to work and social life, people gave so many compliments on losing the weight. We said to each other, "That's NO WAY to lose the weight!" (UGH!!)
I'm glad you included a section regarding videos that do "invite comments". My example was going to be your creatine video, but yours is a better example, and I appreciate that you included something like that in this video.
Eddie in Blackshear GA here! Thanks for this one. I'm going through something like you seem to be. I'm all muscly when people are used to me being so lithe and twinky. I feel a bit of dysphoria from it, but boy, do I feel strong!
as a life/ health coach i think you are doing fabulous steps to help your mind body and soul. i would say continue to love it with good diet, exercises and having healthy conversations.
I really enjoy these short Adam talks, especially about personal stuff like this. I love your recipes ofc but I also adore these more transparent vent sessions where you just share more of who you are and what you’re going through. I have Crohn’s disease and a lot of mental health issues so your recent videos about colonoscopies and depression and therapy has been really endearing to me, showing me that I can be culinarily successful even with all the other shit going on in my life. So thanks!
I'm a guy, graduated high school being 5'11"(182.3cm) and 125lbs(56.7kg). That is just my natural build. I'm 29 now and I weigh 150lbs, the most I've ever weighed. You would not believe the amount of comments I received about how skinny I was through my teens. Mostly negative or neutral, "Do you eat?" "Do you have cancer?" "How can you stand?" "No girl will date a guy who weighs less than them." "Skeleton". A bunch of dumb stuff, I was also pretty pale so that was another line of comments. Luckily for me, I was actually never too bothered by it, I found it mostly just annoying. My point is though, for whatever reason people feel so much more comfortable making comments about something that is also seen as positive in other contexts. And if it hypothetically had bothered me, what was I supposed to do? Go to my teachers and say "They're calling me skinny and I don't like it." I don't think anyone would have cared. XD
This is fascinating content because I have been online and participating in discussion groups since Win 95 came out and made getting online accessible to the average person at home. From the moment I started talking to people online, I brought my "real world" sensibilities with me. I understood that there was a human at the other end of the modem and have never spoken to anyone online in a way that I wouldn't in face-to-face conversation. It never failed to surprise both me and my ex-spouse the way people would talk online. He called it "monitor courage" because he's a 6'4" guy who people don't say shit to in real life. Anyway, that's a long way to say that it amazes me that people still need to be instructed on how to remember that you are talking to humans online. Good reminder, Adam. On the body thing: a few years ago I did a harsh carb restricted diet and dropped 30 pounds pretty quick. I had so many people comment on the weight loss and yell me how great I looked. Which, all I could think was, "so, you think I looked like shit before?" (Sidenote: covid hit and I pushed the fuckit button on carbs and am back where I started) So, yeah. Don't comment if someone doesn't invite it because odds are you are trying to be positive but come off sounding like an asshole. I'm sorry you are going through it Adam. But good on you for introspection and honesty. Hugs to Lauren because being with someone who is going through it is difficult. ❤
This is incredibly validating to listen to. From the POV of something who’s struggled with an eating disorder, got complimented for it, and went on a “fitness kick” because I needed a healthier way to deal with my mental health. And also as someone who would sometimes skip a video of yours because I know it would make me feel like shit. The point being that bodies and mental health are weird and complicated and we should all be more considerate of that.
This video covers things really really well. It’s getting easier and easier to comment/remark without thinking of the consequences of our actions. I hope more people will see it
Adam, so impressed by your ability to share all of this. It's great that you're able to do this and speak to your feelings and thereby inviting others to feel comfortable in feeling theirs. I'm enjoying the new non-food videos, though I love food ones too, please continue to be a genuine you!
You are the picture of - Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. - Thank you, and I chose to pray for you and your family.
I feel angry and embarassed when people presume to comment on my appearance. I am too skinny right now and sometimes people see me out walking and stop to offer me a ride or money. This really makes me mad because I need neither and I don't like being made to feel like there is something "wrong" with me.
I suspect the biggest reason your feet and ankles hurt is because your walking in flip flops. Good walking shoes with socks would probably work wonders there. I learned my lesson about inappropriate footwear when I had to visit a podiatrist for foot pain, and it was caused by shoes that were a little small. It took a long time to get better. Of course, thats just a constructive comment. Do what makes you happy!
I was really sick a couple years ago and lost about twenty pounds over just a couple weeks. It would come up in conversation and so many people said, "Oh, good for you!" in response to the whole being 20lbs lighter thing, and I was just so floored at how clueless it made them seem. I can't fucking eat, people; ingesting food literally makes me nauseous and you're actually congratulating me for that... Unbelievable...
I feel like you're doing more than anyone to keep (what little is left of) self-awareness alive on social media. Thank you for that. The world needs more people like you operating from the right end of the Dunning-Kruger curve. (And yes, you can read "right" both ways there...)
I ask a lot of questions, and probably a good majority of them are ones I shouldn't ask. I know I've messed up in the past but that's alright! We all learn.
This reminds me of the time a well-meaning mother of my good friends remarked on how I’d lost weight. She asked “what’s your secret?” And I replied with the honest answer: “Poverty.”
@@nicoskefalas I'm only commenting because it sounds like you want/wanted to lose weight. I hate keto, but lost a lot of weight doing intermittent fasting, 16/8. Did it religiously (At least 6 days/week) for over a year. Lost ~1lb/week, didn't feel like a diet, still ate junk, but less of it.
@@DiscoingGD1989 I have been intermittent fasting 16/8 since 2019. I lost some weight at first but gradually regained it. I think for me food is a proper addiction. Need to deal with underlying issues:/ Thanks for responding though! That’s very kind of you! 🙂
@@nicoskefalas failed in didn't lose weight? once you understand your body it's easier to lose weight, first understand the reason of metabolic disfunction which is most likely polyunsaturated fats. If I can give you one advice to start with, eat is much as you want but with as little carps as you can with considering the type of oil in the food, avoid vegetable oils, use coconut oil, evoo, and tallow. I lost my first 50lbs eating as much as I want of roasted chicken or steak. then limit your food intake to 6 hours a day preferably before sunset.
Some of y'all need to hear that message. It's not even about being nice to others, it's about being nice to yourself. Talking trash about people is a very negative way to use that brain of yours.
As someone whose circle of interest has also happened to include alcohol, cannabis, cooking/eating, and fitness/weight loss, all I can say is good luck. I've tried really hard to find an equilibrium to where I don't have to drop anything out of the circle and that balance just doesn't exist for me.
this feels like your dad taking you for a walk and talk because you said something he didn't vibe with
I want to be that kind of dad one day.
The shorts is the only thing throwing me off in that case but otherwise 100%
For me it feels like my dad talking to me about how other people act, and getting upset at me like I'm the one who acts that way lol
My own dad would have benefited greatly from getting a talking to like this one.
Kudos to her for walking backwards and not falling over.
the whole video was filmed in reverse
Walking backwards is so healthy!
@@jehdbrbjeirodofjdjebeebbsnaka David Lynch directed it.
phone is taped to the back of her head
@@jehdbrbjeirodofjdjebeebbsnakathat’s not even hard to believe bc I feel like that’s something he’d do just to troll us
I stopped commenting on changes in physique when I complimented a friend on slimming down only to find out it was bc they were obsessively running to keep their depression at bay
I had a friend like that. It is true, though, that part of the root cause of their depression was body dysmorphia, a firm conviction that they were just plain ugly and not performing their gender the way they wanted to.
So by doing that you provided them an opportunity to open themselves and tell you about their depression, to which you could respond with some comfort and understanding. Being on this depressed side, I think it's much better than just ignoring them or staying at small talk.
@@angrypotato_fz That’s assuming 1. We hadn’t previously discussed both their mental health and my own and 2. They wanted it brought up at the time it was. Neither of which are true.
@@crystallinecrisis3901 in case you need to hear it, now you know, and you know what not to do. which is the best that we can ask going forward.
a few years ago i started losing a significant amount of weight quite suddenly. The reason for that was because i had found myself in a profoundly abusive relationship and even though i was still eating normally, my body reacted to the 24/7 crippling anxiety by spontaneously losing weight. It was by no stretch of the imagination a good thing, or even something i wanted. Being complimented on it was weird. Although the complements did turn more towards concern after i fell below 60kg and started looking legitimately ill
"I'd rather fix what's in my head than fix what's on me"
I am on the skinnier side, 183 cm/65 kg or around 6'0"/130 lbs. I used to hate my looks so much I wore hoodies in the middle of summer to make sure I never showed my skinny arms and drowned in sweat as a result of that. I remember deciding to go to the gym and trying to gain some weight, watching the calories, drinking protein shakes etc. I started at 61 kg and got up to 65 kg in a month, there was a visible improvement in both my muscle volume and the weights I could carry. But I felt I was looking worse than before. Then I gradually stopped going there because university work was killing me and I stopped having any motivation whatsoever.
Then I went to therapy. And I got meds.
Do I like the way that I look? No, but I don't feel disgusting anymore when I look at the mirror. And there are certainly people who are way more into that skinny look than me.
Do I look better than I did when I was actively exercising? Definitely not, but probably not much worse since I took a gap year and I'm working a physical job rn
Will I go back to the gym to get jacked? Maybe in the future, when (if?) I go back to uni and have more time and have the right frame of mind.
My point is, a ton of people treat gym and fitness like a band-aid for their deep-rooted problems. And I did that as well. It made me so frustrated when the progress I was making at the gym didn't correlate with my mental well-being.
And the message "fix what's in your head before you fix what's on you" is, in my opinion, a very important one. Life got so much better since I did that, I can't even explain it
Everyone should be able to be at least comfortable in their own skin. Also, if someone looks like trash to you, they say one man's trash is another man's treasure.
Thank you for this video, Adam. I think it sends a very important message.
You poor soul I just melted into lava hearing your struggle and I can barely stay solid at room temperature.......
Extremely valid and important to say. There's a whole lot of (REALLY good things) you could do for yourself that might turn self-destructive if you're doing them for the wrong reasons. There's a whole lot of people who do what seems like the healthy things, but for extremely harmful reasons. Get your mind right any time you're looking to get your body and health improved.
Important note: If you get your head to a healthy place, your body will generally follow suit. Mandatory to work on the mind. There's plenty of horrifying examples (numerous celebrities come to mind) of people who seem to have *everything* in order, yet they're still so miserable they elect an early exit from existence. Or to poorly paraphrase the words of George Clinton: "free your mind - your ass will follow!"
As someone who’s also been struggling on the leaner end (125 pounds/57kg at 6’1/1.85m!) I feel you. People telling me that I should “eat more” (I eat a lot, I have a very fast metabolism) or that I should “workout”(I have been fit for most of my teenage life up until the pandemic, I’m 18 now and my body has had the same figure and weight) gets exhausting mentally. Thankfully despite this I’ve never had any dysphoria surrounding my current weight, but the comments do hurt overtime. Similarly to you, I have started going to the gym to get fit again. People keep asking me if I plan on bulking or ‘getting jacked’ but no, I too also get dysphoria if I look ‘jacked.’ I simply just want to be fit and have tone in my muscles. I’m glad I am content with how I look right now, and although the constant comments about my body don’t help, I’m glad I’m not as bothered as much as I could be by them.
Going to the gym is way less risky then taking meds. I would always go that route again first. Those meds can fuck you up in ways you wouldnt believe.
@@KaufDirGeld I, respectfully, think this...
> Going to the gym is way less risky then taking meds. I would always go that route again first. Those meds can fuck you up in ways you wouldnt believe.
...is the exact kind of Internet comment that Adam's video is speaking to, and I say that as someone who agrees with the general spirit of your comment when taken outside the context of Adam's video and this thread. OP shared that medication worked for them, it just doesn't need to be said. It would be much better to volunteer personal experience using "I" statements instead of "you" statements.
For example, I saw how SSRIs negatively affected my family and friends so, when I eventually went to therapy for depression, I shared what I had seen and explained that I do not want medication, I want to explore all other available treatment routes and will only consider medication as a last resort. My psychologist explained it to me like this. Climbing out of a hole you've found yourself in is hard, the walls are steep and you are fighting an uphill battle. It requires putting the work in on a healthy diet, exercise, and therapy no matter what. Medication is not a solution in and of itself, it is just a tool that one can use to put the thumb on the scale and tilt the playing field somewhat more to your own advantage while you put the work in on those other things and get past the steepest part of that hill you have to climb. We worked together and I found a drug (lamotrigine) that is not in the SSRI class and does not have any of the risks I was concerned about associated with it, such as weight gain. I was willing to try, and it did make it somewhat easier for me to put in that work and climb that hill. When I was feeling better, had my diet under control, and was exercising a healthy amount, we weaned me off lamotrigine.
I think the only thing that needs to be said is that no matter what you are working on, it is important to work with experts in the relevant fields such as a competent nutritionist for your diet, certified trainers and your general care practitioner for your exercise, or a psychiatrist for your drugs and therapy to make sure that your strategy is safe and effective for your unique circumstances and goals.
I have severe fistulizing Crohn's disease. When I'm skinny I'm sick, when I'm fat I'm doing well. People are so weirded out when I declare with joy, "I'm fat and energetic!". I would be delighted to be slender and healthy but I've been dangerously and terrifyingly underweight for years and I'm convinced I'd be dead if I hadn't had resources to spare when I needed them. I suspect my body thinks so too. Exercise is so good for me, thinking about what my body can DO instead of what it looks like is mentally more nourishing. And right now it's capable of digestion! Not elegance. BFD. (Great video. Thanks)
I've got Crohn's disease too, and the things people say can be so baffling at times. Back in 2021, when my condition was at its worst, I lost around 15-20kg within just a few months. I couldn't eat anything without feeling like my entire digestive system was being purged immediately afterwards. I looked like a skeleton. As someone who had always been a fairly stocky guy throughout my teens and adult life, never tall but quite bulky, this rapid weight loss took a significant toll on me.
What really confused (and hurt) me the most was my extended family's reaction - they praised me for my appearance. I couldn't wrap my head around why they would look at a visibly ill 17 year old, knowing full well about my condition, and tell me I looked better than ever. The same people would then go on to suggest that exercise and cutting out junk food would "cure" my Crohn's. It was so incredibly insensitive.
Fast forward to now, I'm doing much better. Even though I'm in the "fat and healthy" phase, I've never been happier with my body. I'm the strongest and most capable I've ever been.
Thank you for sharing your experience; it made me feel so much more understood. I hope you're doing well!
@@sinexusdisease sucks and it's hard for er... non-wisened... people to understand that there's a context to weight. That and the fact that fat and muscle have been signs of health for as long as humans have had such concepts. To have fat is to have security, energy, safety, ect. Of course being lean is good for many things but surviving until tomorrow when that is not guaranteed is not usually one of them. All of that being said I am very ignorant on Crohns. Hope you're well homie
A friend and i was talking to our former teacher when a guy came over and complimented her for loosing a lot of weight. We just had to stand there and hear her thanking him for the “compliment” even though we knew she lost the weight because her husband died. It still makes my stomach turn just thinking about it!
The dad energy here is so powerful. I'm getting a dadness sunburn just by watching this. 10/10 video, pls keep making them!
Even the "I'm not scolding you, it's a reminder for all of us". xD
The trick that I use is that I don't say anything to anyone about their bodies, works great, highly recommend. Thanks for this video.
By the end of his journey Adam is gonna start filming these in a speedo
never go full Jeremy...
One can only dream...
Those are definitely indoor shorts.
Thongs? Mankini? Maybe?
@@jacksunstone8771 I remember when that was normal outside exercise wear.
The pregnancy thing is 200% something people should hear. My partner put on a bit of weight due to significant health issues and multiple people asked if she was pregnant. She came home crying and it still makes her uncomfortable to think about years later.
imho if she is trying to be more healthy after that comment - it was not a bad thing to do
@grimoire2491 then you missed the entire point of the video.
@@grimoire2491 please consider rewatching the video you're commenting on if you're willing to say that to someone you don't know. it is a bad thing that jents' partner came home crying. there shouldn't be any argument about this. if you're so fixated on weight as a perceived signifier of someone's health and moralizing it to the point where it's ok to make someone cry over it, you missed the point of the video entirely.
@@grimoire2491Dude, she was most likely already aware of her health issues, and no, not every health issue can be quickly and aptly fixed by 'working out and eating well'. Most people don't need you, the Saviour who will remind them of their troubles.
Like several people have already pointed out, it's almost hilarious how much Adam's point flew over your head.
@@grimoire2491 DUDE, she gained weight because she was SICK. Even if she gained weight because she was sad.... smh
adam, hearing an adult male say that you don't know why you want to be thin is so so SO healing
thank you for this video. i've dealt with eating disorders for most of my life. at first it was binge eating disorder, which then morphed into bulimia. for a good chunk of that time, i was overweight. the way people treated me was horrible (viewing fat people as gluttonous, gross, undisciplined, whereas at the time i was trying to cope with trauma). then i began starving myself and had a whole onslaught of health issues. i began fainting, dealing with severe brain fog, and any exertion made me feel dizzy and ill... but everyone was quick to comment on how wonderful i looked, how much better and prettier, "healthier" even etc... it felt like a sick joke and also exasperated my illness. i'm now recovered but i'll never forget how awful people can be.
Good for you for going sober man. I used to be a massive pothead for over 20 years. Then I hit 30 years old and added drinking to that, things all kinda came crashing down for me around 36. Now I've completely quit pot and I manage to only drink some wine on the weekends, I still want to quit completely but I'm not ready. I'm single though and don't have many friends or a social life so I'm trying to work on that side now. I'm glad you have your wife by your side to help you through this. I've learned a lot from you and you are a rare force for good in this world.
"My life fell to shit after I started drinking but I was a pothead before that so that was the problem"
What?
Wow, Adam's dog is looking fit!
Are you saying they are a hotdog?
How dare you comment on someone else body like that!
Not a hotdog, a taco.
Adam's dog is looking thick, solid, tight. I hope he keeps us posted on his dog's continued progress with any new progress pics or vid clips.
Is it ok to say he rambles on a lot...?
An older person I had not seen in years exclaimed, “So, when’s the due date?” From her point of view, I understand. She feels positively towards me. She was happy for me when she heard I got married. She knew I really want to have kids. Plural. And she comes from an older generation where this kind of question is not only accepted but expected, I think.
Now flip to my point of view. I’ve now had three miscarriages. One of them would have ended my life without medical intervention. And one of them resulted in weight gain which I haven’t been able to reverse. And I have my own back-history of being shamed for my weight…including an aunt who bought me a lovely leather jacket…sized XL…when I reached size 8 (while my cousins were size 2 and 0).
So that question just hurt in so many ways, regardless of the positive intent.
I had to vent to my husband and a good friend and do a lot of mental/emotional exercises before I could get back into a healthy place.
I don’t blame her. I know she just doesn’t get it and I have no way of changing her behavior. But if just one person out there might spend an extra microsecond before pressing “send” or opening their mouth, then sharing this personal story is worth it.
I've had miscarriages too, but I take people as they are as we all tend to mirror those we're around anyway.
They ask me what my due date is & I rub their belly & ask them what they're going to name this one. They usually replay with "pizza" or "beer" & we both get a laugh & move on.
@@MeanOldLady Username checks out lol
Honestly though, even older generations have the saying: "Think before you speak". Just being a tiny bit more considerate before shooting your mouth off can make a big difference.
I just had gastric sleeve surgery and I've been watching a bunch of testimonials about how people reacted to their bodies, the algorithm recommended this to me. Thanks, Adam. I feel genuinely a lot better with setting boundaries.
I'm a fat guy who's recently intentionally lost a bunch of weight via discipline, eating intentionally, habit forming, etc.
And previously, the time when I've visibly lost a lot of weight was when I wasn't eating much at all due to stressful and traumatic events going on in my life, and the fact that the responses to these two events are indistinguishable illustrates that we really just shouldn't comment on people's bodies unless they're inviting it or we know their desires and intentions, and even then we should approach it cautiously. "hey, you look so great losing weight" feels really shitty when you're doing it because you're not sleeping and you're miserable all the time. Great discussion, Adam.
The time in my life when I lost the most weight was when I was scared I had cancer and was going back and forth with doctors and having tests done. I ended up being lucky and not having cancer. But being scared of it basically killed all of my appetite and I didn’t want to eat much.
Same experience for me: about 10 years ago i've lost so much weight due to stress and poverty but everybody was complimenting me. That time is stuck in my head when i workout and eat healthy but people insist that i'm not doing it "correctly" because i'm not losing enough weight
I’ve lost 90 lbs due to a medical condition that makes me puke constantly and unable to eat. The number of people who have said they wish they had this illness so they too can loose weight is insane. Like no, no you don’t and also thanks for minimizing my illness or whatever. It sucks
I use to know a girl who had a medical condition that made it hard for her body to absorb nurturance from the food she ate, she use to hate it with people commented that she looked good because she was so thin because to her her thinness was linked with her medical problems and constant fatigue. It also implied that when she found a treatment for her condition that she would no longer meet their standards of beauty.
Well said.
I quit smoking but I relapsed and I lost a lot of weight because i started again. I got a bunch of compliments and I got more social because i smoked with my colleagues. Clean for a year now and I feel way better despite higher body fat percentage.
After I put on a bunch of weight in the bad times of 2020 and 2021 I worked hard and lost about 50 pounds, amongst all the people congratulating me I had one person pull me aside and make sure it was intentional good weight loss and not something medically wrong causing me to lose weight. Having known a few people who have had medical problems causing them to lose scary amounts of weight I really appreciated that. Sadly I since shattered my knee and put all the weight back on while I was having a painfully long recovery, but now that it's healed up I'm working on getting back in shape again
"You look great! Have you lost weight?" "Yeah I have. Dying of cancer will do that."
Atleast you look great
Dropped three casket sizes! #GainsB4God
@@michaelgoldsmith3534😅
Same, although not to that degree. I was asked "how'd you get so thin so quick?" so I, whose appendix burst at the time and was hospitalized on a liquid diet for 5 days, laid out the facts. She was visibly embarrassed and apologized quickly.
Of course, anonymous CZcams commentors from across the world might not share that empathy, but sometimes you just have to hope that they do.
Men in my family get fat faces as they age. It happened to my dad, it happened to me. But while he was wasting away with two different cancers, he lost so much weight that his face thinned down and looked young and very handsome, with great bone structure. He only weighed 70 pounds at that point, but his face was amazing. I would have loved to have seen his old fat healthy face, instead.
I nearly died a while back and wound up in the hospital for over thirty days and after I got out I had lost eighty pounds due to dietary changes that were medically necessary and the not great hospital food.
People kept commenting on how good I looked while I was unable to walk more than fifty feet without nearly passing out due to having a bum leg from surgery and deconditioning from having to lay in a hospital bed for over a month. Made me feel disgusting every time they did it, It really put into my mind that whatever I was going through, they just saw that I had lost weight and they considered that healthy. My health wasn't even secondary, it wasn't a part of the equation, they just wanted me thinner.
Something similar happened to me. You know in the society I live in (Cyprus) random strangers would comment on my weight. And then I lost some kilos and they assumed I dieted even though I got thinner because I was hospitalised. I felt weird about it.
Totally understandable, most people who lose weight do it through dieting and dieting takes a lot of effort. They most likely assumed you dieted
I mean yeah that sucks but use ozempic or whatever it takes to keep weight off so you don’t die early again
@@PanagiotisPolitis-bl9xjExcept it’s been known for decades that dieting doesn’t work. They’re just totally misinformed and only care about how skinny someone is. Hence OP’s complaint
@@tophatv2902Bruh Ozempic is not good for you
I follow a streamer who, a few years back, got sick and lost weight really fast. People kept coming into his stream commenting on how he looked "lean". He had to keep explaining that no, it wasn't due to his commitment to the peloton, it was because of the double food poisoning... This situation is rather amusing (he's fine now) but as you said, don't just assume all changes in appearance are intentional or welcomed.
NorthernLion? I don't remember seeing tons of comments about weight loss, but he also had double food poison a year or two ago
@@Thesparten45 yea he lost like 30 pounds in two weeks. There are a few clips of him explaining the weight loss to uninformed viewers.
sometimes, people lose weight because they intentionally changed their behaviors and environment. other times, a tapeworm called Lil’ Caesar gives you simultaneous salmonella and campylobacter infections and causes you to 💩 your brains out
@@Escher99I don't know this streamer but doesn't the fact his audience knows that he has an exercise machine presumably for fitness, down to the brand, no less invite comment on his physique assuming he's discussed exercising?
@@shawnsgIt's for sure an understandable mistake on the part of NL's audience considering how often cardio is a topic of conversation for him, and he mostly took it in stride, but it still illustrates the point pretty well here. There was absolutely no need for those people to *guess* that he'd be pleased with an unsolicited comment on his body. As Adam mentioned, we should really be considering these things with the same logic as congratulating a visibly pregnant woman. Even if it's a female friend you know has been trying for a baby, you're still way better off letting them bring it up than making a simple assumption that leaves you looking like a total douche if you're wrong
"Daddy Ragusea" is no longer a meme. Adam has been a solid father figure this entire time 🫡
Seriously though, thanks for this vid dude. Even hearing some people comment positively on other people's bodies uninvited makes me uncomfortable. This helped me articulate why I have trouble around it.
I'm older than he is and he still feels like a father figure. 😊
I believe the official moniker is "Dadam Ragusea"
He’s like the Caucasian father I never had
I'm one of those naturally skinny folk and people have felt very comfortable remarking on my body in a hurtful way my whole life. Awesome video!
Feel ya
I just think Adam is cool, articulate and informative.
#lifegoals
i just think he's neat
if you love him so much why dont you marry him
@@rileymckenzie6276 Wait, can I?
@@rileymckenzie6276man im kinda late for that since he has an entire family 😂😂 like bro what are you sayin
There’s definitely ways to extend the “fitness kick” without it being in spite of pains or discomfort. It lets you preserve a lot of the self-compassion that comes from how you choose to keep yourself healthy/happy. Like running shoes, meditation, incorporating quality time with loved ones (check ✅), and many others! ❤
I'm someone whose weight can fluctuate by 100lbs, and this whole video resonated with me. I agree with everything you said, but I also wanted to thank you for sharing your experience. In general, I think men need to do that more often. Basically every guy I know is struggling somehow, and desperately needs to know they're not the only one, and more importantly, it's okay to ask for help when they need it.
One of the problems here is that we aren't willing to enforce these norms when the comments target 'bad' people or target people on the other side of a political dispute. That undermines the norm and tells people it's ok to comment negatively when you think the target is bad.
I mean I despise the Trumps and like Colbert but when he mocks how Eric Trump looks that implicitly gives people permission to mock looks as long as they feel the target is bad -- and that makes the norm unworkable.
For people to invest in a norm they need to feel it's applied universally. The second people feel a norm won't protect them or those they affiliate with they won't abide by it themselves.
You're perfectly right, unfortunately. Self-proclaimed progressives sometimes comment on political issues in such a horrible style that they themselves would be right to protest about had self-proclaimed conservatives commented that.
@@erzsebetkovacs2527 Yes, because progressives are people with all the flaws of anyone else and as such are vulnerable to being petty, biased and apply stereotypes just like as anyone else.
What's important is that we don't behave in such a tribal fashion that we can't call out people on our side for bad behavior.
And I think part of doing that is not thinking in pure black and white terms (good people can do bad things) otherwise it's too hard to gently correct people.
I read a Tom Nichols piece in The Atlantic not too long ago about how, though he despises Trump, he would stop using any disrespectful nicknames for the man, and simply refer to him as Trump, Mr Trump, or Former President Trump.
We need to treat everyone, including our political opponents, with respect. Fight them on adult levels, not by sounding like a 5 year old bully.
@@lizcademy4809 Thats good, I'll have to look for the piece. But that might be asking alot. I think we can distinguish just generic disrespect, eg calling Trump "that jerk Trump" or whatever and mocking him for his physical attributes or pronunciation of whatever.
You don't have to accord someone respect to avoid being cruel about their shortcomings (eg discussion about his penis)
Yeah, but in this video, he also saying don't comment at all even if you think you're saying something good. I noticed it's very common for people who are attractive for people who know they're attractive to be uncomfortable receiving compliments about their appearance. Because they're just so tired of it.
Adam talking about his internal feelings over these last few months has helped me grow internally in many ways
In what ways?
@@chippsdubbo89 accepting that real people go through weight gain/loss depending on their situations in life. He also shown me a way to confident in myself no matter what weight. Also he show me how to loose weight and many other things that range from masculinity and emotional intelligence.
@@isaa7425 Thanks for sharing
@@isaa7425 has helped who grow internally? There's something missing in your comment.
@@itsgonnabeanaurfrommeEveryone else here seemed to understand it. Perhaps a skill issue?
I saw the thumbnail and thought this was going to be a video about spinal compression as we age.
Same! I would watch that video too but this one was definitely needed.
100% what i thought as well, weight never crossed my mind lol
"My existence being, kinda intolerable" - Ditto. Liked the video.
“What happened to your basic sense of social propriety?” should be an auto-reply to just about every tweet out there.
As someone that is on a large weight loss journey for physical and mental health reasons, you raise a fascinating point around resolving body image issues vs resolving body issues. When I get to the "end" of my journey I will be phyiscally healthier and feel great for sure... but there's more work to be done on the mental side. Body dysmorphia after coming down to a healthy wait is a real problem.
This is a topic that I've had to work with my mom over. I've battled body image issues for years, and my mom's comments weren't helpful. Case in point, the skinniest times in my life were NOT my healthiest either. The suggestion of "don't say anything unless it's necessary"? Yup, I finally had enough with my mom over a video call when she complained about some people she didn't think should've been wearing bathing suits and outright told her "you do that alot, and it's frustrating". Luckily, she took my critique seriously, and we're in a much better place because of it. All this to say thank you Adam for reminding us that sometimes the best thing we can do is zip it!
Two young relatives of a friend were talking about an old guy wearing a speedo at the beach, complaining that he looked gross, wasn't attractive, who did he think would like that, etc etc - I stopped them and pointed out that he was not at the beach to give them pleasure, he was at the beach to enjoy himself. They were so surprised at that idea! It hadn't occurred to them - they are always concerned with what other people think about them, so going to the beach in a speedo just to enjoy the sun and sea on your skin, purely for pleasure, astounded them.
And, of course, since what people think is attractive varies so much, the old guy in the speedo was very probably being admired by some other people on the beach - people who weren't at all interested in the self absorbed young twits.
Your honesty about your trials and tribulations, as well as your past internet comment malfeasance (great word!), is incredibly refreshing. Thanks for giving us the talking to we all needed. And congrats on your sobriety!
I feel like you took all the scrambled thoughts in my head and actually managed to organize them into something coherent. This was a great video and a good reminder! I hope your health journey goes well, even with any little hiccups and setbacks, and that you can feel good about yourself inside and out. That's what matters at the end of the day
This is definitely a thing I've run into. I _like_ being a little overweight, it's a shape I've always found attractive and always wanted for myself. I worked really hard in my 20s to actually eat enough to put on some weight. It's less of a struggle now in my 30s, but back then if I wasn't putting effort into gaining, I was a twig.
So after having an extended bout of depression and not eating very much, getting complimented on how "good" and "healthy" I was looking was kind of an oof moment. It wasn't intentional, it was the opposite of what I wanted, and it was implying that I don't look good normally.
Exactly this. Especially because unintentional weight loss is almost always a health problem, not a sign of being healthier.
A lot of it is culture, too. Growing up in Eastern Europe, my family members would be honest in telling each other, "Hey, you're looking a little chubby this week." It was never to put each other down or make people look at us and judge. It was to point out that maybe it was time cut back on the naughty stuff for a while out of a genuine concern for our health's sake. Then I came to the US, and man, is it considered such an insult to say anything about weight fluctuations. My impression is that it's because in my culture growing up, what is said is what is meant. If you mean to insult someone, you would outright say it. In the US, people seem to really get into "reading between the lines" in the words or phrases that are spoken, so something like, "You're looking pudgy" becomes "Oh, my God, what is wrong with you, you fat cow?" It's very, *very* bizarre to me. 😧 But, I live in the US, so I've adapted. I wonder if perhaps some of the people making those comments are not familiar with American culture like I am for having lived in it, and that's why they comment on someone's body? CZcams is, after all, used *worldwide*, and English is taught as a second language in many countries because it's one of the most ubiquitous and useful ones to know.
This reminds me of an exchange I had at work. An old man asked if I was pregnant with twins. I'm pretty big and trying to lose weight. I pretended not to hear him. When I was too quiet I guess, he asked if I was mad and that he shouldn't have said that. I pretended to not know what he meant and he said "Yes, you do."
I wasn't angry because I had a weird feeling that he was suffering from dementia or mental side effects from medication. I try to keep this in mind when people are being difficult.
I am enjoying Adams new style of videos, about random topics even more than the cooking ones at this point.
if he just werent a leftist.
Oh I am here for all of it! He is just a natural talent. I’d watch him do anything I think!
Yeah. I've always liked listening to intelligent people just 'pondering' some question or problem. Not even necessarily in the sense of offering a solution. It's just interesting and intellectually stimulating, to follow someone else's logic and arguments and see where they arrive at the end.
Especially if it's not done in a hectic, 'sped up' way or with distracting music in the background (like many videos these days).
@@raraavis7782 I wish I could pull off such a relaxed and what seems like effortless video!
@@nicoskefalas
Oh well, he has a background in journalism and even taught classes at a university at some point, if I remember correctly. So not your average dude, when it comes to presenting a complicated topic in a coherent fashion.
But it never hurts to try and see how far you can improve at it!
So many people view weight change as a solely moral thing. As if they're saving your soul or something by giving unsolicited comments. I won't call it advice because it isn't helpful nor does it come from any genuine concern. While I can attest to how discipline and dedication have helped me get more fit and more towards what I would like my body to look like, the most most drastic changes in my weight were always due to extenuating mental circumstances. I was trying to stop binge drinking for a time, but I just replaced it with binge eating. That technically may have been better for my health, but seeing myself get more and more out of shape definitely sent me into a little spiral. Somewhat ironically, I recently lost like 15 pounds in like two weeks because I was massively, massively stressed to the point where I couldn't eat and couldn't sleep multiple nights in a row. My mom complimented how I was looking, but what was I gonna say to that? I wish it were enough to tell people that you end up being much more helpful when you're kind than when you're cruel, but I think the cruelty is the point for a lot of people. I have my own fatphobia that I have to deal with, but some of the things people feel free to say out loud is astonishing.
It's actually insane how much weight is moralized in American and net culture. When you actually think about it, it makes zero sense.
You know that even anthropologists have compared “healthy” eating and slimness to a religion. I wrote an entire PhD thesis on “Healthmania”. Fat did become a moral or intelligence “deficiency”.
People don't realise how much our eating habits are dictated by things like hormones, metabolism and childhood environment. No one chose to have any of these things, they were born with them. When that isn't taken into account, people justify shaming because they think the person isn't trying hard enough.
@@endofcentury7077 It makes more sense when you consider that every major religion has some version of the sins, and three major ones are all related to behaviors connected to weight and fitness. Gluttony, Greed, and Sloth.
So yeah, a lot of people are going to have moral opinions on the subject.
@@OmniversalInsectThis is so true. I have struggled to get my weight to 70kg again as I am 182cm and keep falling down to 60kg, or even a kilo or two below. Started on HRT two months ago, suddenly I've gained most of that weight and I didn't change anything intent or method-wise (and I suspect there's more to come considering I need extra fat for tissue growth like boobs).
I quit alcohol and cannabis around 26 years ago, I've essentially been dry my whole adult life. Whilst choosing that life does isolate you from a lot of people, and bizarrely it also upsets a lot of people too, for me at least it has been the right choice.
You do what's right for you, Adam.
When in doubt, you can also ask. When I ask my friends what they've been up to, I look for things they can brag about, that I can compliment them on.
"i'm getting pain in my feet and ankles" he says as he walks for long distances with flip-flops.
I did that once and i thought i was going to have to lay on the ground my feet were killing me.
Long distances? Its a 16 min stroll around his neighborhood lol
Walking for 16 minutes in flip flops, which require your toes to sorta pinch the strap in order to lift them off the ground properly, can get uncomfortable and even painful, yes. Definitely a lot less comfortable than shoes.@@TheWallProductions17
@@TheWallProductions17 the distance you feel when you walk in flip flops is multiplied by 7. It's like dog years. That's almost 2 hours worth of non-stop walking
@@JaMaMaa1 thank you for providing that totally made-up data
So thoughtful. Like so many people here I’ve been through significant weight loss due to a medical condition. When people complimented me for slimming down I just felt even more disconnected and different from “regular people”. Suddenly facing my mortality at 25 was MORE than enough to make me feel different and weird. I didn’t need the reminders.
I know i'm late to the video, but I just wanted to share that you, Adam, have been pretty inspirational for me to change my outlook and relationship with food. I've always been obese even since I was a kid, and watching your videos on food, the science, and exercise has been very informative for me. I have since then begun my own journey of changing my outlook on my image and weight issues, and I know that you are at least partially why that is. I'm sorry that you still struggle with the things that you struggle with, but I hope that you know that, at least for me, you have helped a lot.
My litmus test is "Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said now? Does it need to be said by you?"
I disagree with your assertion that we should never comment positively on people's bodies unless they bring it up. Body image is a stubborn thing. I once lost 80-ish pounds and didn't "notice". In my head, I was still a big fat guy. No one said anything positive about my weight loss (no one said much positive to me back then anyway). One day, I walked by a window and saw a skinny guy inside before realizing it was my reflection. Sometimes you need outside reinforcement/encouragement and if you prompt it, you can never be sure that it's genuine.
On the flip side of that, I don't want to go around my entire life censoring myself because of some edge case. Most people who lose weight don't have cancer or eating disorders or mental health issues related to the weight loss, and anyone who does shouldn't hold others at fault for not knowing it. Just like it is our responsibility to not be assholes, it's also our responsibility to be charitable with our assumptions of others' intent. Unless you have reason to believe the comment came from a place of malice, you should treat it like it didn't. If someone compliments you, you shouldn't then bite their head off because they didn't know that compliment would hurt your feelings.
And don't think we don't see what you're doing there telling us not to comment on things while walking around in vintage 1970's basketball shorts. You can't bait people like that, Adam! It's not fair!
oh adam, you gentle bastard
it is a delight to watch such a normal man become shocked & appalled about how much of an abnormal place the internet is, even if its not a delight for you to live through that realization. this strange place somehow awakens a dark part of our psyche that is always there, and it is no doubt unpleasant, but its just the way of the world here and its simply never going to change.
You know, this is awfully pessimistic. You don’t have to live this way. I certainly don’t, and wouldn’t want to.
8:55 hit different... to someone who has been varying degrees of overveight for all of their childhood until I was 22, this was the most relatable sentence if them all.
Love you Adam. Realy, if the persona you show us on the internet is close tot he person you really are, you should be proud! Take care
I've been pushing my fitness kick hard recently and everything you said are things that have passed through my head. Hearing it articulated is great
im getting sober at the moment while also trying to tackle an eating disorder, and ive watched your channel for years. videos like this, and the info shared so openly and honestly, are so important. thankyou for this, Adam
I don't understand why the two introductions comment thing is bad? The assumption with no body comments is that people know what their body looks like, but people don't know what their art looks like. That's why we have editors.
just so you know "hey you've gained some weight" and "hey you've lost some weight" are amongst the most typical greetings in many Asian countries.
Living in Japan people comment on me gaining and losing weight ALL THE TIME.
I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing, it does get you thinking about your overall health.
I have to respectfully disagree with Adam here in that I think the American hypersensitivity to any mention of weight might be one of the most unhealthy and unhelpful ways to approach these issues which absolutely everyone will deal with.
(In case you’re wondering I grew up always being the fattest kid in class so I’ve had more than my fair share of unpleasant comments directed towards my weight, but not every mention of weight is necessarily unpleasant, it’s possible to be thoughtful and caring when talking about this stuff..)
@@KazeNoTaniFarmHakuba Friends and family mentioning your weight in a considerate way when talking to you is not the same as the type of public shaming Adam highlights in this video. And even if words from friends and family genuinely mean well, the authority on whether you actually NEED to lose/gain weight should always be a medical professional. Some people just naturally shift in weight throughout their lives without ever going into truly unhealthy ranges (on either end of the spectrum). And if you want to lose/gain weight for aesthetics, that should come from intrinsic desire, not outside pressure for seemingly no reason other than conforming to arbitrary social norms. If it makes my argument more credible, you should know I'm also a former fat kid who's currently in amazing shape.
Yes and it still contributes to body dysmorphia. Working out is not as common in East asian countries. Imo the disordered eating is worst there bc of how blase it is to comment on weight.
If what you’re saying is true we should see significant effects by country but average BMI is relatively low in east asian countries even though Body dismorphia and eating disorder rates seem to be no greater than other similarly developed countries
Do you have some evidence that I couldn’t find with a Google search?
American obesity has been out of control for years. The worst thing we can continue to do is to “politely” ignore it. Acknowledge the problem. Identify the causes. Enact and encourage the solution. It’s not hard or expensive to be a healthy weight. Or do people really think everyone pre-1960 were starving themselves to get their fit physique?
i really appreciate the vulnerability you've shared with us in this video. you shouldnt have to reveal so much of your life history just to stop people commenting on your weight, but i know that you were going for a much broader message than just "stop doing this". sometimes it takes real vulnerability to open people's eyes to the effect theyre having on others. you're doing great work guiding your community to be a respectful, supportive place 💛
I had no idea Adam was struggling with these things. This is inspiring and will help people overcome food and body things. Thank you!
Even out of earshot I don't make catty comments about others, it's a bad habit that internalizes the worst in me. Instead, I think the comment thru and ask myself why I am thinking this and how it is my business to even say something out of earshot. I finish my thought process by imaging the other person as a wonderful soul who is dealing with life as best they can. The next time I see someone who I might make a snide or catty remark about I can quickly get to the wonderful soul. It's about me, when I can look at others and see just their soul, I am a better person and will treat others through my soul, and not my bigoted mind.
What a beautiful way to behave.
I think an important aside to this conversation is that internet comments, as a kind of public forum, are not necessarily perceived as having different social norms whether they are attached to an individual creator or a faceless organization. If Warner Brothers drops a new movie trailer on CZcams today, I'll feel pretty comfortable saying something harsh if I think it's crap. However, if someone with 200 subscribers posts a short film they made, I'm much more likely to treat my comments as a direct conversation with the creator, and be polite. A channel like Adam's can be a weird middle-ground, because he is an individual, but with 2.5 million subscribers, there are enough of us viewers that we have a reasonable expectation that he will not see every single comment... so arguably we're talking more to each other than to him- and we have no real way of knowing when he might be "within earshot."
Adam. I am so amazed at your thoughtfulness and your openness to talk openly about personal issues. I am sorry for the jerk comments I see below.
I've been dropping weight quite quickly, because I'm a diabetic struggling a LOT with food issues. (Not just that damn it I like bread, but because bread is CHEAP and my budget shrinks with every month.)
And yes, yes, portion control, habit forming (in the good sense,) all those things. BUT if someone tried to tell me "gosh you look like you've lost weight!" ... I think I'd probably bite their heads off.
What *I* care about is that the people around me are happy and doing okay emotionally, mentally, and only THEN do I maybe worry about their physical health. And absolutely NONE of it is something that I have a right to comment on in a way that shames or praises them.
Ask me for an opinion, I'll give it, but like bowel movements, I'm not airing that opinion without that request.
I'm a writer with all the same addictive and depressive tendencies, so this hits close to home. You're not alone, you're doing great, and stubborn thoughtfulness is the only way forward. Good talk.
It was weird realizing I would likely never think of myself as not-fat. I'm not really anymore, I'm pretty fit and strong, and can run multiple kilometers at a time. But it doesn't matter. People commenting on my weight in general is uncomfortable, I don't know how to receive it if it's good, and I just take it if it's bad. I still feel like I deserve to be mocked, to be informed, and I project that sometimes. I don't say anything, but I'm most assuredly thinking it.
Being a fat kid really fucks you up in North America, most places really, I didn't even get mocked much when I was young, family didn't help, I did most of it by myself.
Maybe that's worse. I don't know. I talk to a counselor about it but it's so deeply ingrained that I'm not attractive due to my weight that it's not a fact issue anymore, it's just an embedded reality.
Anyways, staying healthy is good, and this video is good too. Thanks Adam.
I feel you. We live in a society that places way too much value on "attractiveness" and, by extension, weight. I used to (and still do sometimes) think the same things about myself and yeah, it definitely feels like something that's just inherent to how your brain works. I dont know if you need to hear this, but you are valuable and worth knowing regardless of who does or doesn't find you attractive. Also something that helped me was trying to see myself from a stranger's perspective. I started asking myself, "If I saw someone who looked like me out in public, what would I think about them?" I realized I probably wouldn't give their weight or body shape a second thought. I'm not saying this is a perfect solution, but it has helped me be less critical of myself. And if it helps, a stranger on the internet thinks you're doing a good job. Glad you're getting counseling. I hope it helps. Keep going 😊
@@kianadavisrodell3300 Cheers bud, appreciate it.
As someone with an eating disorder, this is a conversation that makes anyone uncomfortable but also precisely why it's needed more. So thank you Adam for this video.
People are just going to say things that hurt your feelings and there's no way anyone can stop that. What we can do is recognize that sometimes people say hurtful things and we move on and we don't let it eat us alive. I've been asked if I was pregnant when I was obese. I have been congratulated for weight loss that was due to cancer treatment. I don't let it bother me. I find something else to focus my energy on. I don't give it space in my mind. I don't allow rumination. If we participate in social media, then we accept by default that we will introduce a lot of negative comments toward ourselves. If we can't handle that, we need to stop using social media or limit it strictly. The one thing that can't be done is change other people's behavior. You can only change yours.
I had a relative who was on Ozempic for a while. It really took a toll on their body but people were constantly telling them how good they looked having lost weight. All the positive feeback kept them on a medication that was making them feel like shit way longer than they should have.
"...suffice it to say that I find my basic, baseline existence, my baseline experience of my well-being in the world to be kind of intolerable in some ways..."
Well, I just found a better way to articulate my state of being to my therapist. Much appreciated Mr. Ragusea!
I completely agree, Sometimes those comments about losing weight can really drive it to becoming dangerous. My family were always awful but as soon as a dropped a few stone they started treating me like a person and saying how good I looked. It really made me believe that my only value was being skinny, it lead to an extreme case of anorexia that almost killed me and has permanently damaged one of my legs some days I can't feel it or lift it properly at all and some days it's enough I can walk around fairly alright, but even after getting that sick my family still didn't see this as a bad thing. I'm sorry that people are commenting on your body in any way and it's really good that you've realised working out obsessively or dieting can be as dangerous as any other addiction before it got to a point of becoming that for you.
Started following years ago for the cooking content, the content you have been putting out lately has been inspiring, the ammount of wisdom and self-awareness you have is insane. Thanks for these videos Adam.
This is why I/we love you Adam, you're real, honest and have such great EQ. Your ability to self reflect evaluating your own thoughts and share with us has always been the best part of your videos.
I don’t understand why a comment like the one Adam made about the video with the two introductions should be considered unacceptable or unwarranted in some way. It’s a sincere comment. It’s not coming from a place of malice. It’s coming from a sense of curiosity, and it could result in constructive feedback for the CZcamsr. I don’t understand the reasoning behind some Adam’s perspective here.
Best of luck on your journey Adam. Thanks for all of your content.
As a person who's struggled with eating disorders and restrictive eating because of physical health issues I've worried about the accidental and sometimes purposeful promotion of thinness as an ideal on this channel, and I thank you for addressing it. So often weight loss or gain is a sign of deeper issues and commenting on it just isn't necessary. Worrying about it yourself also makes it worse - if I desperately want to gain weight but can't eat, I will stress myself into eating less. Food should be as enjoyable and worry free as possible, and I'm glad it's becoming that for you again.
What I really like about this video is Adam's candor doesn't feel like over sharing, what he's talking about and what he's going through is so common it would almost feel bizarre is he talked around it. Like, obviously there's a lot of stigma in our society about these topics, so usually people would use euphemism, but here Adam is just speaking about them straightforwardly and matter-a-factly. And I don't even mean this from the perspective of "normalising" these topics (not saying that's a bad thing), but moreso I appreciate that his tone kind of defies that parasocial kinda "normalization" where people feel the need to bare their souls to the public in order to confront the reality of these issues. I like that you can feel the health distance in Adam's delivery.
Digging the RP shirt. Your podcast with Dr. Mike got me into the RP Rabbit hole and subsequently into fitness. Thank you Adam for being a positive influence in my life in particular.
My friend and I both were in deep in on our restriction problems (ED) but weren't ready to admit it. Until I told her she looked good (her size got smaller) and she said "thanks, but actually I have anorexia."
It clicked immediately. Never say anyrhing about someone's body. There's no reason.
I'm now in treatment for restriction and doing my best but I'm fat. And people tefuse to believe that I fight with bulimic behaviours and restriction nearly every single moment of every day.
To end on a happy note, two great things about gaining weight is i dont feel faint when I get up anymore and it doesn't hurt my butt bones to sit! I love my new butt and my cats love my belly😊
I understand your point, but a lot of people do actually want those compliments when they lose weight and gain muscle. it was a huge boost to my self esteem when it happened to me, and it encouraged me to permanently adopt a healthier lifestyle. I think if we prohibit ourselves from giving these kinds of compliments we're only encouraging a more neurotic society instead of a more caring one. There are totally valid exceptions where those compliments are not appreciated, but they I don't think they apply to most people.
Although 100% agree about making negative catty comments about people's weight in front of them.
This reminds me of when my sister was diagnosed at the same time with an autoimmune disease AND cancer. She went through six months of radiation treatments to rid any remaining cells after surgery, resulting in her losing weight (three sizes worth). When she went back to work and social life, people gave so many compliments on losing the weight. We said to each other, "That's NO WAY to lose the weight!" (UGH!!)
I'm glad you included a section regarding videos that do "invite comments". My example was going to be your creatine video, but yours is a better example, and I appreciate that you included something like that in this video.
Eddie in Blackshear GA here!
Thanks for this one. I'm going through something like you seem to be. I'm all muscly when people are used to me being so lithe and twinky. I feel a bit of dysphoria from it, but boy, do I feel strong!
as a life/ health coach i think you are doing fabulous steps to help your mind body and soul. i would say continue to love it with good diet, exercises and having healthy conversations.
I really enjoy these short Adam talks, especially about personal stuff like this. I love your recipes ofc but I also adore these more transparent vent sessions where you just share more of who you are and what you’re going through. I have Crohn’s disease and a lot of mental health issues so your recent videos about colonoscopies and depression and therapy has been really endearing to me, showing me that I can be culinarily successful even with all the other shit going on in my life. So thanks!
I'm a guy, graduated high school being 5'11"(182.3cm) and 125lbs(56.7kg). That is just my natural build. I'm 29 now and I weigh 150lbs, the most I've ever weighed.
You would not believe the amount of comments I received about how skinny I was through my teens. Mostly negative or neutral, "Do you eat?" "Do you have cancer?" "How can you stand?" "No girl will date a guy who weighs less than them." "Skeleton". A bunch of dumb stuff, I was also pretty pale so that was another line of comments. Luckily for me, I was actually never too bothered by it, I found it mostly just annoying.
My point is though, for whatever reason people feel so much more comfortable making comments about something that is also seen as positive in other contexts. And if it hypothetically had bothered me, what was I supposed to do? Go to my teachers and say "They're calling me skinny and I don't like it." I don't think anyone would have cared. XD
This is fascinating content because I have been online and participating in discussion groups since Win 95 came out and made getting online accessible to the average person at home. From the moment I started talking to people online, I brought my "real world" sensibilities with me. I understood that there was a human at the other end of the modem and have never spoken to anyone online in a way that I wouldn't in face-to-face conversation. It never failed to surprise both me and my ex-spouse the way people would talk online. He called it "monitor courage" because he's a 6'4" guy who people don't say shit to in real life.
Anyway, that's a long way to say that it amazes me that people still need to be instructed on how to remember that you are talking to humans online. Good reminder, Adam.
On the body thing: a few years ago I did a harsh carb restricted diet and dropped 30 pounds pretty quick. I had so many people comment on the weight loss and yell me how great I looked. Which, all I could think was, "so, you think I looked like shit before?" (Sidenote: covid hit and I pushed the fuckit button on carbs and am back where I started) So, yeah. Don't comment if someone doesn't invite it because odds are you are trying to be positive but come off sounding like an asshole.
I'm sorry you are going through it Adam. But good on you for introspection and honesty. Hugs to Lauren because being with someone who is going through it is difficult. ❤
"Monitor courage" is a very good term for that. Thank you!
This is incredibly validating to listen to.
From the POV of something who’s struggled with an eating disorder, got complimented for it, and went on a “fitness kick” because I needed a healthier way to deal with my mental health. And also as someone who would sometimes skip a video of yours because I know it would make me feel like shit.
The point being that bodies and mental health are weird and complicated and we should all be more considerate of that.
This video covers things really really well. It’s getting easier and easier to comment/remark without thinking of the consequences of our actions. I hope more people will see it
The way you're handling your "sarapocial relationships" is very healthy, good job.
Adam, so impressed by your ability to share all of this. It's great that you're able to do this and speak to your feelings and thereby inviting others to feel comfortable in feeling theirs. I'm enjoying the new non-food videos, though I love food ones too, please continue to be a genuine you!
You are the picture of - Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. - Thank you, and I chose to pray for you and your family.
I feel angry and embarassed when people presume to comment on my appearance. I am too skinny right now and sometimes people see me out walking and stop to offer me a ride or money. This really makes me mad because I need neither and I don't like being made to feel like there is something "wrong" with me.
I suspect the biggest reason your feet and ankles hurt is because your walking in flip flops. Good walking shoes with socks would probably work wonders there. I learned my lesson about inappropriate footwear when I had to visit a podiatrist for foot pain, and it was caused by shoes that were a little small. It took a long time to get better. Of course, thats just a constructive comment. Do what makes you happy!
I was really sick a couple years ago and lost about twenty pounds over just a couple weeks. It would come up in conversation and so many people said, "Oh, good for you!" in response to the whole being 20lbs lighter thing, and I was just so floored at how clueless it made them seem. I can't fucking eat, people; ingesting food literally makes me nauseous and you're actually congratulating me for that... Unbelievable...
I feel like you're doing more than anyone to keep (what little is left of) self-awareness alive on social media. Thank you for that. The world needs more people like you operating from the right end of the Dunning-Kruger curve. (And yes, you can read "right" both ways there...)
I ask a lot of questions, and probably a good majority of them are ones I shouldn't ask. I know I've messed up in the past but that's alright! We all learn.
This reminds me of the time a well-meaning mother of my good friends remarked on how I’d lost weight. She asked “what’s your secret?” And I replied with the honest answer: “Poverty.”
Love this video. Just a genuine question, why did you feel bad about asking why the video had two intros?
Love you Adam, thank you for being so incredibly honest with us and making it so educational.
I genuinely think that you're one of the most insightful people on this website. Thank you for making your videos.
As a bigger dude, I agree! This video hits so close to home Adam. Thank you for making it!
Hey buddy, try keto.
@@balarab1 Thank you! I have and failed.
@@nicoskefalas I'm only commenting because it sounds like you want/wanted to lose weight. I hate keto, but lost a lot of weight doing intermittent fasting, 16/8. Did it religiously (At least 6 days/week) for over a year. Lost ~1lb/week, didn't feel like a diet, still ate junk, but less of it.
@@DiscoingGD1989 I have been intermittent fasting 16/8 since 2019. I lost some weight at first but gradually regained it. I think for me food is a proper addiction. Need to deal with underlying issues:/ Thanks for responding though! That’s very kind of you! 🙂
@@nicoskefalas failed in didn't lose weight? once you understand your body it's easier to lose weight, first understand the reason of metabolic disfunction which is most likely polyunsaturated fats.
If I can give you one advice to start with, eat is much as you want but with as little carps as you can with considering the type of oil in the food, avoid vegetable oils, use coconut oil, evoo, and tallow. I lost my first 50lbs eating as much as I want of roasted chicken or steak. then limit your food intake to 6 hours a day preferably before sunset.
Adam Ragusea: the internets grandpa tells us we need to be nice to each other
Although my grandpa wouldn't have taken 16 minutes to make a point...guess it's a generational thing.
GRANDPA????
@@samranda I think he's referring to the energy, not the age.
Some of y'all need to hear that message. It's not even about being nice to others, it's about being nice to yourself. Talking trash about people is a very negative way to use that brain of yours.
As someone whose circle of interest has also happened to include alcohol, cannabis, cooking/eating, and fitness/weight loss, all I can say is good luck. I've tried really hard to find an equilibrium to where I don't have to drop anything out of the circle and that balance just doesn't exist for me.
First time in history a dog was like "uhhh... is the walk over yet?" :)