Why Addiction So Often Leads To Infidelity 💔💔

Sdílet
Vložit
  • čas přidán 13. 06. 2020
  • Having a spouse struggling with an addiction is gut-wrenching enough, but when you're also dealing with infidelity, it can be completely crippling. In this video, we explore why addiction can lead to infidelity and what it all means.
    ❤️️📣Learn How To Get Your Addicted Loved One FROM DENIAL INTO RECOVERY, using our INVISIBLE INTERVENTION method:
    www.familyrecoveryacademy.onl...
    ☎️If you'd like to schedule a phone consultation session with one of our addiction specialists visit: 👉www.familyrecoveryacademy.onl...
    FREE Family Recovery Support Group on Facebook:
    / familyrecoverysupport
    💬If you'd like to help contribute a translation on this video: Click the link below:
    czcams.com/users/timedtext_vide...
    📚Recommended Books List:
    www.amazon.com/shop/addiction...
    Disclaimer: We are ambassadors or affiliates for many of the brands we reference on the channel. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
    About Me:
    Personal Experience:
    I grew up in an addicted family. In fact, it would be way easier for me to tell you who wasn't addicted versus who was addicted. Seriously, I have absolutely no memories of my grandmother without a glass of vodka in her hand. My mother died due to her addiction to methamphetamines. I've had countless addicted step-parents, and my older sister has struggled with serious (life-destroying) addiction for as long as I can remember.
    All that being said, I always felt I had a great and loving family. My sister and I spent every summer swimming in my grandmother's pool. (the grandmother who struggled with alcoholism). We called her Mimi, and she was great. My mom was attractive and very creative, not to mention lots of fun!
    Growing up like this gives me a unique perspective on addiction. I can know that someone is struggling with addiction but still see their wonderful qualities.
    Professional qualifications:
    After graduating from counselor school in 2004, I worked in a private psychiatric hospital for 10 years. This facility provided acute care (short term) for serious mental health and Substance Use Disorders. I learned a LOT from my experience working in a psychiatric hospital.
    I got to see and treat almost every type of mental health and addiction issue you can think of, but it felt like a revolving door. I'd see the same people come in over and over and their families were absolutely desperate for help.
    Unfortunately, the system isn't set up to help families in general. Knowing what it's like to live with addiction, I was all the more frustrated.
    All this led to me deciding to leave the hospital and start my own addiction treatment center, specializing in addicted family systems.
    Over the years, I had developed lots of good relationships with other clinicians, and I knew who was the best! I put together a superstar team, and we now run out own outpatient addiction treatment practice called Hope For Families Recovery Center.
    We've worked very hard not to tie ourselves to the "big system." We don't work for the insurance companies. We don't work for a hospital system, We don't answer to anyone except our clients, their families, and the licensing boards that provide us with our professional license. We have all Licensed Professional Counselors (LPC)-(which is mental health counselors) and also Licensed Addiction Counselors (LAC).
    We don't provide inpatient treatment, but we do partner with a phenomenal sober living facility called Greenville Transitions. They offer top-notch sober living care for young men in the early stages of recovery. www.greenvilletransitions.com
    Our CZcams channel is our way of trying to help as many people as possible find the answers they need to beat addiction. We spend a ton of time and money, creating these resources and support that you find them valuable and will share them with anyone else you know who may need them. The educational library of addiction resources on our CZcams channel is completely free of charge and are readily available to any person or family who needs them. So please consider subscribing if you haven't already.
    You can help us in our mission to get the right information to everyone who needs it by sharing these family recovery resources.
    We know that not everyone can access our treatment services, but we do offer consultations and coaching sessions to individuals and families all over the country.
  • Věda a technologie

Komentáře • 195

  • @emilybailey4659
    @emilybailey4659 Před 2 lety +9

    Thanks! Your videos are helping me so much right now. I fell right into his trap and I’ve become a crazy controlling person trying to stop the addiction from completely consuming my husband and destroying my marriage. In doing that he’s made me the bad person, has his friends and family convinced I’m the one with a problem, and as of three weeks ago he claims he’s done and wants out of the marriage. I know in my heart that it’s the addiction but I’m torn between leaving because i can’t take anymore and not wanting to give up on my marriage and let the addiction win. He swears he hasn’t ever cheated on me (although he probably has now that he’s saying we’re done) but he lies and has crossed so many other lines that I struggle to believe he has a conscience about this, plus he uses and sells methamphetamine 🙄. So thank you for these videos. All of my family and friends are glad he’s gone and are pushing me to move on. They all say I deserve better. Even my husband has admitted I don’t deserve the things he’s put me thorough. If the addiction continues I know in my heart I must leave but right now I’m just not ready.

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 2 lety

      Thank you so much Emily! 😁😁😁😁💖💖💖💖

    • @samia6888
      @samia6888 Před měsícem

      How are you doing now?

  • @laylam4241
    @laylam4241 Před 3 lety +56

    "Infedility is keeping secrets from your partner." Genius definition!

  • @jamalfranklin8700
    @jamalfranklin8700 Před 3 lety +53

    The best thing is to leave and get out. It doesn't get any better....

    • @ravern1000
      @ravern1000 Před rokem +2

      yep im getting her out cant take anymore of this

  • @littlemisstwiggy4529
    @littlemisstwiggy4529 Před 3 lety +31

    My husband has been gone for 7 months due to his drug addiction & this entire time he’s been denying cheating. This past Sunday he text me saying he wants a divorce. Later that day my friend called to let me know she seen my husband with another woman.
    I’m gutted & just so heartbroken
    We’ve been married 9 years & together 14 yrs
    I’m watching videos for help
    Thank you for this one

    • @lunar_light
      @lunar_light Před 8 měsíci +3

      What a horrible situation ;( I hope things have gotten better for you since then! 🌼

  • @joyalways1179
    @joyalways1179 Před 2 lety +9

    Run and do not look back. Run.

  • @okimahitt7413
    @okimahitt7413 Před 3 lety +15

    Narcism needs to be fed. I asked my ex why he loved me, he said “you’re a rush”. When I became a person, I was replaced with lighting speed. I’m talking within days.

  • @taylernoelle1
    @taylernoelle1 Před 4 lety +41

    As if the addiction isn't painful enough...in walks infidelity. Ugh. Great advice in this video and as always, so helpful!

  • @cheryldee95
    @cheryldee95 Před 5 měsíci +2

    Let’s not forget the other addiction(s) which can often play into this scenario, and those are sex addiction and porn addiction. Really, being a partner to someone who is lying and cheating and blowing your families money…spinning out of control in this toxic forum…is usually not a sustainable situation for the partner or family to remain entangled with. A bottomless money pit filled with emotional suffering, which the addict will most often be intent on gaslighting the partner/family through in attempt to keep from being abandoned…and let to clean up their own mess. Brutal.

  • @andrepaulo-1994
    @andrepaulo-1994 Před rokem +12

    That was so insightful. Im going through this situation right now. My husband was having an affair and all of what you said makes SOOOO much sense in our relationship. He unfortunately made the worst and most painful decisions during his “adventure”, because of that I believe we won’t be able to keep this relationship. It’s being so painful I can’t even express what I’m going through since I was supporting him throughout his sober life until he relapsed and ruined our marriage… 😞

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před rokem +4

      I'm so sorry you're going through all this pain, Andre. 💔

    • @erikakerber3258
      @erikakerber3258 Před rokem +1

      😢😢😢 I’m with you here l was there for them and he just changed like I was his worst enemy !!

    • @totitamto
      @totitamto Před 8 měsíci +4

      You are not the one. My husband had drugs problems for years. I have tried my best but become an enemy. He stopped the smile on my face, I became very sad and angry. He ran had an affair because he got from the person he killed in me. Almost 20 years, 2,5 year old child and he dumped everything for drugs and sex. I will never stop loving him, it's almost 2 years when I decided to walk away. It's so heartbreaking. I still want to help him, for our child, but I feel like it's a road to nowhere 😢

  • @alyciamarie4163
    @alyciamarie4163 Před 2 lety +21

    From someone who has been there I feel the infidelity is more about using others. They don’t necessarily want to be with this person they just help to contribute to your addiction. In order to be an addict you need money, car, home, dealers, access to drugs. It’s mot about a relationship at all it’s a beneficial acquaintance 🤷‍♀️

    • @josedelgado8984
      @josedelgado8984 Před rokem +4

      I wish I could talk to you I'm going through a similar situation I need understanding I'm a man

    • @shaneydavy16
      @shaneydavy16 Před rokem

      How did you get through this

    • @jillmustard1522
      @jillmustard1522 Před rokem

      I have this exact situation going on with my husband. Says he loves me....wait for me...she is not my gf ( she is a lesbian so I halfway believe).
      Thanks for your input.

    • @ashleyg4299
      @ashleyg4299 Před rokem +1

      Your description is spot on! I was left for someone who is willing to supply all that you mentioned. Even though I know this, it doesn’t make it any easier.

  • @mygoodnessdarlin
    @mygoodnessdarlin Před 2 lety +7

    You are so brilliant. YES !!! The neurochemistry is one and the same. Show me a cheater and I'll show you an addict. Every time!

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 2 lety

      😁😁😁😁💖 Wow, Thanks! It really is the same brain state.

  • @tiffanysteffy8661
    @tiffanysteffy8661 Před 3 lety +20

    My husband was addicted to heroin I found out about three girls who were also addicts that he slept with. He's in rehab now but I'm still hurting

    • @joleencox5900
      @joleencox5900 Před 2 lety +3

      Hi. I seen your comment. Im so sorry you went through that. How are things now? Were you able to save the relationship? I pray his rehab was successful. Im going through the same thing and so Im just curious, everything seems so hopeless right now

    • @tiffanysteffy8661
      @tiffanysteffy8661 Před 2 lety +8

      @@joleencox5900 no he wound up cheating on me with some other addict in rehab and even tho he complwrered the thirty days it wasn't enough he went back into heroin and wound up causing a massive accident and almost died twice. Now he has brain damage and sitting in jail. It's sad

    • @RockListeningChick
      @RockListeningChick Před měsícem

      @@tiffanysteffy8661I’m sorry to hear

  • @AYe-ly2yo
    @AYe-ly2yo Před 4 lety +23

    sadly I had to experience both at the same time within two months, when I still knew nothing about addiction! Very well said. Personally I have experienced being secret dates with another woman, being ignored, yelled at, neglected, put down and disrespected etc. to get me to react in a "bad" way, then was accused being insecure, needy and "we are not a good fit".

    • @AYe-ly2yo
      @AYe-ly2yo Před 4 lety +7

      The way he justifies the secret dates is that there was no sex (he claims) and "we are just friends!" Er...then why kept it from me? Why do you choose to break up instead of cutting communications?

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 4 lety +3

      sounds like a lot of gaslighting!

    • @AYe-ly2yo
      @AYe-ly2yo Před 4 lety

      @@PutTheShovelDown yup!

    • @reginawoess4928
      @reginawoess4928 Před 4 lety +3

      Mine told me he was in Love with both of us. He said there were things he loved about me and things he loved about her. Plus told me when he asked me to marry him I didnt say yes. Reason I didnt say yes was I suspicions he might be cheating.

    • @AYe-ly2yo
      @AYe-ly2yo Před 4 lety +2

      @@reginawoess4928 haha, he was manipulating you to believe it is your fault that he cheated. Classic guy.

  • @john-lv2gu
    @john-lv2gu Před 7 měsíci +3

    Ive had an absolute week of hell my wife and mother of my 2 young boys has had an alcohol and drug addiction for almost 3 years now and its just came to light an affair at almost the exact same time with a drug dealer, shes currently in rehab when i found out about the affair, watching this has gave me hope it can be overcame with lots of hard work i want to thank you for that, u did recomend not really seeing a normal marriage counseller what kind would u recomend we did use, i love her so much and its all very over bearing having to deal with almost 3 horrible inflictions on any1s life

  • @nautica00
    @nautica00 Před 2 lety +5

    I just learned I was cheated on, it happens right before Christmas, and all the while he’s “in recovery” living in a sober home. but I also found online things he said about abusing his Prescription. I learned of his addiction a year ago and I finally said enough. Cheating was the one thing that would make me cut someone off, despite all the lying, theft, and craziness.

  • @TheEastCoastSensation
    @TheEastCoastSensation Před 3 lety +22

    No words can express how on point my situation is. wow! You hit it perfectly. I thought I was alone feeling this way. You understand what I was going through. I felt like I was the crazy one! Thank you

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 3 lety +3

      Hi East Coast, I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. You're definitely not the only one going through this!

    • @shaneydavy16
      @shaneydavy16 Před 2 lety +3

      I was in the same situation I understand what you going through

    • @joleencox5900
      @joleencox5900 Před 2 lety +3

      @@shaneydavy16 im going through this exact situation right now. Feels like my whole life has been ripped apart. Were you able to salvage the relationship?

    • @shaneydavy16
      @shaneydavy16 Před 2 lety +1

      @@joleencox5900 Honestly it's still a rollercoaster I wanted so much just to divorce him...I believed it would make things easier because this happened just 3 months ago with my step sister and 2 young girls who are also addicts...I felt worthless and hate towards everything but I believe if your partner truly repents and really wants help they deserve a second chance because we all sin and hurt one another...I can't stress this enough prayer really works

    • @joleencox5900
      @joleencox5900 Před 2 lety +1

      @@shaneydavy16 God bless you for that response!! Im in tears right now.. I have been praying nonstop for over a week, waiting for God to show me what I should do. I know my emotions are getting in the way of rational thoughts and reasoning do I couldn't trust my own decisions. My fiancé of 11 yrs cheated on me after he decided to try meth for the the 1st time, he cheated with a MUCH younger female that was his dealer. Like you I wanted to walk away and I've been so filled with hate at everyone and everything but at the same time we have 11 years together, a family, and I love him. It's so confusing! I know now that God led me to your comment and led you to respond to me with truth, coming from a believer, which is EXACTLY what I needed. God is so good! Thank you so much, you just helped me in so many ways! Im going to buckle up for the ride and fight for my family like you did. You are amazing and I appreciate you so much!! Thank you

  • @karilines357
    @karilines357 Před 2 lety +7

    Also pornography goes with this , pushes away to isolate and drink etc , all alone .

  • @susanmillsaps5826
    @susanmillsaps5826 Před 2 lety +5

    You make understanding this so much more simpler. Your gift of dispelling myths and bringing this to the light is incredible. Thank you.

  • @anddw101
    @anddw101 Před 2 lety +3

    The folks not liking the video are more than likely a mis click or from folks that are part of the problem... Great video and explanation.

  • @jacquelinewalker7256
    @jacquelinewalker7256 Před 4 lety +5

    Thank you! I recently asked you
    About this issue and I’m so grateful for your input. ❤️

  • @djstravels4828
    @djstravels4828 Před 2 lety +4

    Well that was tough to watch but one of the best for me so far.

  • @laylam4241
    @laylam4241 Před 3 lety +6

    Thank you for this video. Would you make a video about addiction to sports betting and gambling?

  • @Healingandchoices
    @Healingandchoices Před 8 měsíci

    Very good video. As far as infidelity goes....that's where I draw the line and say goodbye.

  • @jessicaburgdorf3034
    @jessicaburgdorf3034 Před 3 lety +9

    My ex picked a woman that is "a door mat" cause he wants someone with no spine...I threw him out that was the nail in the coffin. He moved in with her and from the grape vine she is miserable and scared to throw him out.
    It's sooooo painful but I have 2 kids to raise alone I can't deal with his BS im getting a divorce. I feel guilty but I just can't abide a cheater on top of everything else he has said and done to me and the children

  • @LoveCi_
    @LoveCi_ Před 3 lety +9

    I wish I had known this years ago. In my loved ones family, everyone drinks to varying degrees. They just call it crazy, a drunk, but it’s seen as regular people problems. Addiction isn’t even considered.

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 3 lety +1

      I can relate to that!

    • @whatoh3407
      @whatoh3407 Před 3 lety +1

      Im struggling with an opiate addiction that caused me to fuck up my relationship with my 6 year girlfriend. Addiction is a disease fuck addiction!.

  • @forestflower7670
    @forestflower7670 Před 3 lety +6

    God bless you. Finally I can understand why my love one walk away from me with another woman without remorse. Thank you blessing 🙏 ❣️

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 3 lety +1

      I'm glad I could help a tiny bit in such a crumby situation

  • @millstreetteut7835
    @millstreetteut7835 Před 4 lety +8

    Thank you so much for your professional knowledge!! Your Videos are awesome!!! I was the one telling you my addicted spouse took off with his trauma Therapist. Thank you so much for your support! They made an investigation and it turned out she had a 5 day course in trauma. She lost her liscence. They are still together.

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 4 lety +4

      Millstreet Teut that’s one of the worst imaginable things! I’m so sorry that happened. That de idiom will continue to backfire on her. Not only did she loose her license but she’s soon find herself on the other side of his problems!

    • @AYe-ly2yo
      @AYe-ly2yo Před 4 lety +3

      wow talk about drama!

  • @joewalsh4685
    @joewalsh4685 Před 4 měsíci +1

    Last time I got drunk I woke up in the Monkey house of the Bronk Zoo, trying to make out with a Lima.
    Shortly after this incident I went to rehab, that was 7 years ago. Haven't touched a drop of alcohol since
    Alcoholism is no joke.

  • @seusstic3049
    @seusstic3049 Před 2 lety +4

    Ive always suspected an affair with my ex. I could never pin him on it though. But there was so much that made me strongly wonder. The hard part was that addiction and infedelity are so similar its hard to differentiate. I finally expressed my concerns with a counselour the first person i ever opened up to about it. His reaction without giving me a yes or no to my suspicion told me what i needed to finally let go of the long term relationship.

  • @Kimshi4242
    @Kimshi4242 Před 3 lety +4

    You are a wizard with this stuff!!

  • @wildlystrongwomen
    @wildlystrongwomen Před 9 měsíci

    SO interesting. My partner had a benzo addiction (started on a prescription) and I caught him out setting up to cheat. Which, it seemed he didn't actually want to do. AND, he has other addictions. So this makes much sense!

  • @lorimast
    @lorimast Před 4 lety +7

    Thanks for doing this. It helps...... the hardest part is moving on and trusting him again. It's been a year and I still don't. He refuses counseling and then puts it on me or makes the excuse that he works all the time.

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 4 lety +2

      I know that's super frustrating!!!!

    • @joleencox5900
      @joleencox5900 Před 2 lety +1

      Hi! I seen your comment, I know it was a year ago, can I ask if you were able to save the relationship? Were you ever able to trust again? Im living this exact thing right now and im not sure what to do or how. Thanks

    • @lorimast
      @lorimast Před 2 lety +2

      @@joleencox5900 it's a process. We are still together, I have times that I have trouble trusting. I trust in God, and I do my best. I keep working each day to have faith and know that my husband will not hurt me again. I can see he keeps trying. And some things are for me to work on as well. I hope this helps.

  • @Jellybeantiger
    @Jellybeantiger Před 3 lety +3

    I copped both,now my brain is in disrepair,I can’t think of going on.

  • @kattbaker7212
    @kattbaker7212 Před 2 lety +5

    Girl … you know it 💯💯💯

  • @angelabrown7868
    @angelabrown7868 Před 2 lety +4

    addiction and gambling also

  • @ormermaid1542
    @ormermaid1542 Před rokem +2

    Good morning! Thank you so much for your videos. They’re so powerful and you are right on with so many of your points. I appreciate all that you do. Do you have any videos or information on the correlation between alcoholism and sex addiction?

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před rokem +2

      Thank you for your kind words and feedback, Or Mermaid! I don't have any videos on that topic specifically, but I'll add it to my list of topics to make.

    • @ormermaid1542
      @ormermaid1542 Před rokem

      @@PutTheShovelDown thank you for your reply and yes that would be great to learn about.

  • @jessicabrown7276
    @jessicabrown7276 Před 4 lety +2

    Thank you so much for this video!

  • @meganlarsen3797
    @meganlarsen3797 Před 2 lety +5

    Watching someone close start the affair with a co worker who had her own addictions broke me. 8 months ago he messaged me after 2 years to say he had gone down a spiral which her own behaviours had contributed to.

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 2 lety

      Did they make it better or worse?

    • @meganlarsen3797
      @meganlarsen3797 Před 2 lety +1

      @@PutTheShovelDown worse. Far far worse. Had already suggested therapy for a second time to him and he had stated he had drunk before work while with her. He had said he couldn't say no and was just a user of people. Then he begged her not to break up with him for the third time and said I was just jealous. I knew the only thing I could do was look after me. He got even more belligerent and manipulative. Two years later she messaged me though now I think it was more of the same manipulative thinking. He seemed genuine though blocked me after telling me he was on medication now and had family supporting him. He was significant to me as he supported me through cancer. He met her shortly after I reached remission. At first he was ashamed and guilt ridden from even being with her. Though it became apparent that didn't seem to matter to him.

  • @frederickcompton8029
    @frederickcompton8029 Před 2 lety +2

    I've learned the hard way that its no best for me to be in a "relationship" knowing that my addiction tends to effect my thinking and I make the not so smart decisions because I'm subliminally preoccupied with what I'm addicted to. To I've been in a relationship for a couple of years with a female addict...we both had the same D.O.C. Needless to say, the relationship didn't work. I was more functional than she - paid the rent, and other bills, worked every day. She didn't work. I left her. I later found out that she was suffering from PTSD, from a previous relationship where they would fight and reconcile, fight and reconcile, and she was also rapped when she was in her teens. I learned that the PTSD was untreated and how it manifest itself later on if left untreated. I am no better, but I don't fight or hit females. Despite my shortcoming (addiction), I've learned to step out or walk away. I known several females, Asian, Latin, Black, Caucasian...they all had some kind of addiction, compounded by a abuse from males they fought with, or from sexual assault when younger.

  • @ronjon6512
    @ronjon6512 Před 3 lety

    Great video, I have noticed this a lot. The pattern of cheating and substance abuse.

  • @rommanaasim3293
    @rommanaasim3293 Před 4 lety +1

    Amber watched all your videos, thanks

  • @RockListeningChick
    @RockListeningChick Před měsícem +2

    Addicts brains play mental tricks on them and then those mental tricks get very unfairly taken out on others. :(

  • @ebenrobinson4586
    @ebenrobinson4586 Před 3 lety +8

    I've commented before on this, the mother of my son cheated on me with the same guy for the 4th time. We both spoke at length that cheating again would be the nail in the coffin. I accepted she was an addict, and we just lived with it. Problem is, we have a son. He is with me. She wants to contact him. She has brought the cheater to our place, been dropped off high to be home in time for our son. Then, gaslighting, gaslighting and more. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be controlling. She is not in rehab now. I can't believe a word out of her mouth it seems like, I am in trauma I think. I get scared and worked up every time she texts, afraid to read it. This is awful.

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 3 lety +1

      That's such a difficult situation, Eben. I can see that you're really held hostage by this situation.

    • @joleencox5900
      @joleencox5900 Před 2 lety +1

      Wow, I cant imagine the trauma your going through. I hope things are better for you now?

    • @Darknight_Syd84
      @Darknight_Syd84 Před 2 lety

      I am exactly in the same
      Situation.

    • @shaneydavy16
      @shaneydavy16 Před rokem

      ​@@joleencox5900 how are things going with you

  • @freshbeeef
    @freshbeeef Před rokem +1

    Amber, I am so grateful for you & your channel!
    ?????????????????????????
    My alcoholic husband had at least 1 emotional affair that lasted months - years. He won't be honest with me. He was drunk on Mother's day and confessed to being unfaithful "after he gave up on our marriage". The next day, he told his family we are getting a divorce because I am a "covert narcissist" and he is being abused. (

  • @jasonbutler9813
    @jasonbutler9813 Před 2 lety +5

    Damn I want to cry... Thank you

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 2 lety +1

      I'm not sure whether to say thank you or I'm sorry 😥

  • @chadramsey8359
    @chadramsey8359 Před 3 lety +6

    If an addict goes through recovery and gets clean... Do they realize the damage they have done through infidelity, gas lighting, betrayal, etc?

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 3 lety +4

      It depends on how much internal work they do.

    • @Maverick351w
      @Maverick351w Před 3 lety +3

      Excellent question Chad which I can't find the answer anywhere. My loved one is doing everything in this vid plus more. She is in rehab now and im wondering when she will snap back into reality....

  • @ashantipink
    @ashantipink Před 3 lety +6

    I really struggle with this through my partner Thank u for this ❤❤❤

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 3 lety +1

      Hi Ashanti, I'm really glad you found this helpful!

    • @livincountry
      @livincountry Před 3 lety

      I’m struggling with my husband too. Idk if he’s cheated but there’s things that are pointing towards yes.

    • @seusstic3049
      @seusstic3049 Před 2 lety +1

      Follow your gut. I could never pin my ex on it but there was so much pointing to the obvious. Best advice given to me when i finally talked about it is that if since day one somethings just never been right then its not meant to be. You cant force a piece of a puzzle that doesnt fit
      Through being a bystander to addictions wrath for years reality/perception gets foggy the best thing i found was to follow how i feel and make that my guide. Not always 100% accurate but i trust myself more than the one lieing to me day in and day out

  • @shanlam12459
    @shanlam12459 Před 2 lety +1

    I haven’t seen a video on this and I really appreciate. I just found out that my addict bf has been cheating on me continuously for 5 years .. not honest with his therapist …etc.. he was supposedly sober but i think he just kept one addiction going. says he feels horrible but I can’t do it anymore

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 2 lety

      I am so sorry, Shannon. 💔😓

    • @shanlam12459
      @shanlam12459 Před 2 lety

      @@PutTheShovelDown thank you, I am going to see a therapist but someone with your knowledge would be very helpful. Do you do video sessions ?

  • @gmic467
    @gmic467 Před 3 lety +2

    Thanks much this help a lot ...going through the same situation but mine pretty much big mess cuz same girl cheated on me and did drug he got her pregnant again First drug and alcohol and this time drug and alcohol ....yes we wanna stay together but very hard cuz i dont trust him and when has with drawal or just under influence following women in my face ...thank u for video help me out

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 3 lety

      Hi Michelle, you really are in a very difficult situation.

  • @rayplex
    @rayplex Před 4 lety +5

    Check out the term LIMERANCE. The professional writer use it romance novels. Nasty when they use it in real life.

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 4 lety +2

      I've never heard that term, so I took your advice and looked up LIMERANCE. It's a perfect description of the concept. Thanks for the tip!!!!

  • @D6EH
    @D6EH Před měsícem +2

    So very true. The desire to drink was so strong, she ended up drunk in a motel room with her boss. A smart person would’ve left the very next day.

  • @nicoleskoglund7427
    @nicoleskoglund7427 Před 3 lety +2

    I have been dealing with this. He never physically cheated but would fantasize of it and message girls and talk to them online with pictures and everything so virtually he did. I tried everything once I saw yo it videos. I tried setting boundaries and having empathy and knowing this is much more than me this is coming from his own depression and trauma. But I still checked his phone. I needed to know the truth. How can I act like everything is normal and still be intimate with him while this is all going on? Our intimacy started dwindling when I first noticed he had an addiction and I’ve tried to bring it back as I know he needs it to feel good he’s a man! But women are different if we are hurting we cant fake it. So he blames me for the problems. Well when I looked through his phone I didn’t blame him and say he needs to leave. I simply set boundaries. I knew he’d been using too because I found bags from drugs in his pants the same time. The using always leads to texting girls. He fought the boundaries and then acted normal the next two nights just a bit detached and then the second night he says all the things he dislikes about me, why don’t I ask him how his day was why don’t I offer him dinner? (meanwhile I’m still trying to show him I’m upset and this is not okay, so I’ve been distant) so he left. He said we should take a break. I said okay. (Knowing this is not what I want but maybe my only option is to just agree with him and let him do what he needs to do instead of trying to control the situation) He said he knows I’ve been looking through his phone and that I pushed him away. And this is all my fault. The next day he texted me saying I love you and can we talk, I didn’t answer and I haven’t heard anything since. I don’t know if I did the right thing or what to do next. Everyone says just let him go and let him do what he needs to do. That this will help him realize.

    • @samia6888
      @samia6888 Před měsícem

      It’s been 2 years, how are you now

  • @reginawoess4928
    @reginawoess4928 Před 3 lety +11

    I went back to see mine after 5 yrs. First night was fine and of course he wanted to get intimate. Second night he had told someone he was dating I was coming over but didnt tell me about her. She kept calling and he laughed and said shes trying to keep us from having sex. I laughed and said tell her no worries were not having sex and I'm leaving. He looked at me with surprised look and said really. I broke up with him for cheating did he really think I was going to sleep with him knowing he was sleeping with someone else? Still dont understand that

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 3 lety

      Good for you Regina!

    • @whatoh3407
      @whatoh3407 Před 3 lety +2

      Lmao wtf! Let me get this straight, you ex cheated, tried to get back with you while still having contact with the other girl????

    • @reginawoess4928
      @reginawoess4928 Před 3 lety +1

      Yes

  • @elsawaybourn4047
    @elsawaybourn4047 Před 6 měsíci

    Going through both at the moment found out how serious my soon to be ex husband alcohol addiction is i confronted him about his addiction and told him he needs rehab , next day tells me he has feelings for his co worker decides he dont want me he leaves a 14 yr marriage with two kids , just so i wont control his drinking he refuses to get help thinks nothing is wrong with him sad how addiction blinds people they rather lose everything to keep there addiction.

  • @reginawoess4928
    @reginawoess4928 Před 3 lety +5

    I'm still confused why he would ask me to marry him while hes cheating and then shortly after saying hes in love with her too. Still wanting me not to breakup with him

    • @okimahitt7413
      @okimahitt7413 Před 3 lety +5

      You’re confused because you’re normal. They are not. RUN!

    • @bobosun9741
      @bobosun9741 Před 2 lety +1

      Have his cake and eat it too?

  • @deviroy9527
    @deviroy9527 Před 2 lety +7

    A rehab buddy ... men and women should not be in a rehab center together. 🙄

  • @djstravels4828
    @djstravels4828 Před 2 lety

    Sometimes he’s open to listen. Has anyone tried sharing this videos with their addicted spouse or bf? I wonder if he even realizes these connections. I feel like this video makes it so clear. Like it would be hard for him to deny once he hears it layed out so logically. Is this wishful thinking?

  • @victorial8764
    @victorial8764 Před 2 lety +3

    Why should we even stay then? I watch all these videos to help him and love him well. But if it is so common and I’m already scared of that stuff then what the heck? This is so depressing 😢💔. I’m at my desk and feel like crying. I started to really believe he is not a cheater type too. I love him so much. It would destroy me.

    • @carolinamadariaga1644
      @carolinamadariaga1644 Před rokem +2

      Look for help with a terAphist you will regret to give the very best years of your life to an addictive person . Times it’s going for everyone don’t mess up more yourself with that soon or later or even now will destroy you totally emotionally and then how many years it will take from you to became a normal person if he walk away with another addict ? It’s important that you see the all the perspective and not just think ohh I’m so in love with him you need to see reality of the things , I wish you all luck ❤

    • @victorial8764
      @victorial8764 Před rokem +2

      @@carolinamadariaga1644 Thank you so much for taking the time to write me. I really appreciate your care and advice. 💗🙏🏻

  • @LisaNEdwards
    @LisaNEdwards Před 4 lety +1

    ❤️thank you Amber

  • @Expose_bankers_and_auctioneers

    You look stunning gurl

  • @PutTheShovelDown
    @PutTheShovelDown  Před 4 lety +3

    If you want to know.... ⚠️IF YOUR LOVED ONE IS REALLY CHANGING...watch this next: 👉 czcams.com/video/IxWVgQqnMKQ/video.html

  • @carriemcclure7253
    @carriemcclure7253 Před 2 lety +4

    Nerve pills, lol. I used to love my nerve pills. Worst drugs imaginable.

  • @reginawoess4928
    @reginawoess4928 Před 3 lety +8

    I was shocked mine told me I was too good for him so guess he had little guilt maby?

  • @jazzminejackson9181
    @jazzminejackson9181 Před 2 lety +1

    He was making plans with me to move and make a new life buying land and building a house. He did the same with another woman at the same time and then said he wasnt telling her the truth. Sometimes, I forget he is an addict, because he likes to talk a lot. He said his connection with the other person was just emotional. I really dont believe that based on his actions. Thankfully, we're not married. I just took him to rehab for Kratom and he looks like a skeleton. I hope rehab helps, but I dont think our relationship will last.

  • @ChrisLevelsUp
    @ChrisLevelsUp Před 3 lety +1

    Thank you

  • @mygoodnessdarlin
    @mygoodnessdarlin Před 14 dny

    Wouldn’t it be interesting to see if the GLP-1 and GIP agonists that are quieting the neurohormonal cravings for food worked to quiet the precise same neurohormonal pathways through which addiction and infidelity are fueled. I think this will be shown to be the case. What are your opinions on GLP-1 and GIP agonists as an expert on the topic of addiction?

  • @teenagecaveman881
    @teenagecaveman881 Před 4 měsíci

    And then they say things like “that didn’t happen” and gaslight the hell out of you

  • @joleencox5900
    @joleencox5900 Před 2 lety +1

    Do you offer online counseling for addiction and infidelity combined?

  • @valeriebryant5665
    @valeriebryant5665 Před 6 měsíci

    What if the person was blackout drunk and doesn't remember doing it?

  • @joleencox5900
    @joleencox5900 Před 2 lety +3

    I'm living this right now with my fiance of 11 yrs. It has truly destroyed me, im so overwhelmed with a million different emotions and dont know where to turn. He used meth for the first time, lost all control and the drug consumed him and he cheated on me with his meth dealer. First time he ever cheated in 10 yrs! He's clean now but how do you repair the damage? Im so heartbroken!!

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 2 lety +2

      Hi Joleen, I"m so sorry you're going though that. Situations like that turn your entire world upside down. 😥😥

    • @thinkblue323rp
      @thinkblue323rp Před 2 lety +2

      Hi joleen I would really like to share my story. I'm a guy and my girlfriend did the cheating

    • @bobosun9741
      @bobosun9741 Před 2 lety +2

      Hi Joleen, I'm so sorry 💔 Have you been able to repair the damage?

  • @tamz3653
    @tamz3653 Před 3 lety +1

    Any specific videos on marijuana???

  • @shortingthetrend
    @shortingthetrend Před 9 měsíci

    My "gf" is an addixt and has committed infidelity 3 times on me. Im soooo stupid for letting her back. She is watching a bling ring documentary right now. Shes gaslight me, poisoned me and continues to be addicted to Klonopin, Suboxone and lies to me so much. Im so sick of it. She blamed me in her therapy for everything and took no responsibility. I dunno wtf to do.

  • @carlakeene8383
    @carlakeene8383 Před 7 měsíci

    The addiction is porn the infidelity happens on those hook up dating sites.. pretty sure he was hooking up with local women.. didn't make the connection the 2 go hand in hand.. Iv ended the relationship and trying to get back to peace and happiness... Dusting my self off..trying to figure out what the hot mess just happened.... Thank you..for your help.

  • @reginawoess4928
    @reginawoess4928 Před 3 lety +3

    Is it normal for the effects of being in love with an alcoholic and his infidelity to still effect u for yrs?

  • @karlataylor1172
    @karlataylor1172 Před rokem

    I would love to meet some stable sane people. So tired of fake people. I now understand why my father got a dog. Dogs don't lie. Don't they understand that the lies will eventually unfold? Who are they trying to fool? The new supply or themselves? They're insane. It's like living amongst lunatics or people who are living in some sort of dellusions.....crazy making behaviour.

  • @katsarti9224
    @katsarti9224 Před 3 lety +2

    Thankyou. I'm a mess.......and sooooooo angry at him. Hid the meth use, I had NO idea.......told me he used drugs years ago....and never again.......plus the infidelity. He is in drug and alcohol counselling now....early days.......and I'm broken.

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 3 lety +1

      It's truly traumatizing to find out all that information about your partner.

    • @katsarti9224
      @katsarti9224 Před 3 lety +2

      @@PutTheShovelDown It's been 1 lie after another for 4 and a half years. How does one ever trust again? I am collateral damage

    • @sarahkiick6762
      @sarahkiick6762 Před 3 lety

      Same

    • @katsarti9224
      @katsarti9224 Před 3 lety +2

      @@sarahkiick6762 😥 It's the " shock" factor Sarah.........and with myself the "Why did I not see it?" I guess because he has always been like this.....and he drank a copious amount......so, I thought alcohol. Silly me. It's been 3 months since I found out. I have outbursts of anger....even displaced anger....but sometimes I cry. That's been the scariest......as I am a crier, not sook, empathetic. It's not you Sarah.....remember that.💛

    • @katsarti9224
      @katsarti9224 Před 3 lety +1

      @@sarahkiick6762 😥

  • @awomansstory.2019
    @awomansstory.2019 Před 2 lety +1

    True!!

  • @user-uf3eq1ni7o
    @user-uf3eq1ni7o Před 6 měsíci

    There's no movement Cassandra, oops, even a blink, human error, Ms amber?

  • @naye1173
    @naye1173 Před 3 lety +1

    I just found out my boyfriend is addicted to opioids and he ignores my texts for hours every day ...

  • @iodinekaida2
    @iodinekaida2 Před 3 lety +1

    My husband has a financial infidelity issue...

    • @PutTheShovelDown
      @PutTheShovelDown  Před 3 lety

      Sorry Iodine Kaida, 😓. Secret keeping is hurtful no matter what!

  • @lotusmccary9365
    @lotusmccary9365 Před 2 lety

    100 percent

  • @erikakerber3258
    @erikakerber3258 Před rokem +1

    😢

  • @melissatinsley9210
    @melissatinsley9210 Před 3 lety +1

    How about porn addiction

  • @tamz3653
    @tamz3653 Před 3 lety

    Ahh secret keeping 💡

  • @tialynjordan6088
    @tialynjordan6088 Před 2 lety

    Dippers n CHEATER HMMM

  • @GoD_GoT_Me
    @GoD_GoT_Me Před rokem

    While I appreciate you helping others, I cant help but think your views are extremely biased. As a married addict, it's hard enough gaining my wife's trust. Now, along with addiction, I have to listen to her tell me I'm unfaithful. I'm not. I love my wife. Nothing is gonna make me unfaithful. But because I have a disease I'm treated like I'm Mr. Cheater. Imagine loving someone trying everyday to show them you're faithful only to be told you're not then pointed to this video? It's devastating especially when I'm faithful to her. Please, before you say what make me different? Nothing. But I am not going to compound our issues. If you don't belive this then let me help. As a very young Child I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The odds were 93% that I would not survive. I'm 40 with 2 children. I didn't fit those odds and I dont fit yours. Please realize that addicts are people too. I'm a judgement free person being judged on speculation. Please revise your video to include real fact instead of absolute certainties. Thank you. God bless

  • @karlataylor1172
    @karlataylor1172 Před 3 lety +1

    🤣🤣🤣Yup

  • @kioplqwerty
    @kioplqwerty Před rokem +1

    I only see women as objects and on the dating sites you look for a high. The high is being noticed but soon you become bored with them or no conversation happens for a half a day or so, you feel neglected and 'rejected' and move on. I need help