Ep. 136 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
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Another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer! This week the two talk about Bert’s love of the band Wilco, how they each pitch this podcast to people who haven’t listened to it, and a promising new product Bert wants to be affiliated with. They discuss being fathers, buying gifts for their crew on the road, how they both got into sneaker culture, and why they ever became friends in the first place. Bert gets an important phone call from LeeAnn, the two break down what comments on social media mean, and a great bit from Ron White.
tomsegura.com/tour
www.bertbertbert.com/bertyboy...
store.ymhstudios.com/ - Komedie
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1:11:40 When Leeann calls Bert about Ila. Your welcome.
thank you sm
exactly what i came here for 🤣
You a saint for real
Insta brought me here
Thank you, you absolutely legend
Leeann calling mid podcast to tell Bert his daughter got busted at her all-girls catholic school for shooting dice is the greatest thing that's happened on this show lmfao 🤣
Didn't even have to say which daighter it was and I know it was Islay
I missed it, what’s the time
@@Henofmayhem 1:11:40
@@jguess06 thank you sir, I was at the 1:05:00 mark wondering how I missed it
I read this comment before listening to the podcast and thought you were lying. I am in tears
Bert talking about Leann’s healthy relationship with alcohol like she’s insane kills me
Kills me too but not in a good way :(
I truly believe that Bart could throw himself a surprise party and be genuinely surprised when it happens.
who is bart?
@@ricardozegers6023 he’s the one with the beard
@@ricardozegers6023 bart=burt
@@tobyscustoms4813 lulz
Bret would completely forget he planned it a week earlier because so much story material would have happened to him in that time
"I'm riding next to wild fucking motorcycles" got me.
hahaha that killed me, Tom was loving it but didn't want to interrupt haha unlike his cool aid costar bertus interuptus
I'd love to see a pack of wild motorcycles just cruising.
It's amazing sight to behold.
That was one of his funniest word slip ups that I've ever heard 😂😂
😂😂😂😂
I think he was making a reference to steel*** horses aka motorcycles - it is Barf though
@Anonymous IQ ok tik tok
“Sorry if I’m spoiling the beans” is the most Bert quote ever
Bert whispers the whole podcast then randomly screeches like a fucking owl and it blows my eardrums out. It’s great.
Burt: I could go for a margarita
Thome: I believe you
When Bert says he has a "brilliant idea" his liability insurance goes way up.
Bahah
Tom has nothing but good things to say about Bert. So enduring.
don't worry it is always something like an idea of "i want this amazing thing that i have no idea how to make". ironically tom had a funny bit on that for his dumb cousin
There is no way an insurance company would give him a policy.
Best comment on CZcams
Bert is the king of “I’ll tell you off air,” or “we’ll bleep that out.” Tom probably loves it because he knows it frustrates the listeners.
He knows that it’s gonna be the best.
Does Bert ever say what his great idea is?
@@MarkElDeiry I don’t think he does
@@jasonpolski9966 I ended up watching the whole episode. He never mentioned it.
He seems pretty manic. I think he's great, but - as they pointed out - he's "a lot!"
@@MarkElDeiry agreed. An excellent comedian, but manic is a perfect way to describe him. On Bertcast, im convinced he can have an interview with someone metaphorically present and tell us what they’re thinking and how they are. He thinks he understands everyone and knows how they are, it’s like nails on a chalkboard for me. Let them talk man, Jesus. In Tom’s book, he talks about how his father would leave conversations when other people were talking to him….super rude but it makes sense that he maintains a friendship with Bert as that approach relates to Tom’s father. Bert doesn’t listen, he just waits for his turn to talk…sometimes he doesn’t even wait. Lol
Bert talking about himself and making every single sentence about himself is the best running joke about this podcast.
Tom: How much of this weeks ep are you gonna talk?
Burnt Krystler: Uhh hundred percent 🤡
I read this comment in Berts accent (Uhh hundred %)
Tom: Sure
Best comment
Don’t listen then
I just counted and in the first 15 minutes Bert started 9 different stories and didn’t finish any of them.
You know Burt is about to cry when he makes cartoon sound effects like someone’s slipping on ice.
someone could make a cartoon with nothing but Bert sound effects and it would be some amazing Foley work XD
People who complain about his laugh sounds are just jealous of his joy.
@@CanadianTalkWithStephanPod Been thinking about this, Bert gets waay too mich hate for someone so relatively harmless lol
@@luffy101311 he comes across if you just met him as jovial and probably sweet but if you analyze his character throughout all these pods it's all negative traits. He doesn't care about people's secrets or their boundaries, doesn't retain info on his friends or listen to them during convo, is bored unless talking about himself, no common sense, bad hygiene, bangs dogs
💯%
Tom doesn’t even hide how annoyed he is when Bret cuts him off anymore 😂
I’m a 29 yr old “broke dad” of 3 daughters. Thanks for the laughs every Monday.
And these guys make insane $
how did you come to the conclusion that having all thies kids when broke is a good idea?
Same young decision making skills that said to marry my ex wife at 22yrs old
@Joshua Husband Hope you and your girls are doing well, man.
@@ricardozegers6023 it’s always great to have tons of kids when you’re broke! 👌
I was worried Tom wasn't gonna let Bert talk this episode..
I admittedly used to skip through all of the ads now I only watch the ones Tom does just to hear his voice again
Tom does have that gift of nonstop chattering
Lmao came here to say something similar Jesus what was he on it was more than us usual.
Sigh. Poor you. Watch tom talks and not two bears
@@zachleprieur2871 he hasn’t made one since last year so??
Bert getting mad when his wife can control her drinking while he cannot is fucking hilarious. How dare you have one drink while i drink 10 🤣
He’s so jealous that Leeann enjoys family, friends and a luxurious lifestyle. 😂
@@18Callahan "How dare she be able to control herself, _AND_ enjoy life!" - Bert
Leanne and Christina both black out and get mean on like 3-4 drinks though. You can't compare the alcohol tolerance of a chunky mom vs bert. So I would guess if bert had like 6 drinks and leanne had 2, they would be pretty even as far as intoxication goes.
Why would anyone go out for one drink. No one feels anything after one drink so you’re poisoning yourself for no reason.
@@Filiolus exactly it
The amount of times Bert has told the same story and Tom says hes never heard it before, just shows how much he tunes out Bert. That's why they have stayed friends
"I wanna be in the business of recovery"...Best Burt line ever!!
Bert just repeating how lucky LeAnn is makes me so glad I’ve never been that lucky
🤣🤣
LMAOOOOO DEAD.
Bert saying “spoiling beans” instead of “spilling the beans” is so funny to me
What a nightmere.
Did you see the clip of him buying a cattle?
Some other gem mistakes from Bert over the years: Newvember, heartlighted, Benna Fleck, misunderhearing, Breitling (when talking about Breitbart). I'm sure there are plenty more but that's all I got off the top of my head.
He’s been hanging around Brendan Schaub too much!
Nightmeer
Hey there fellas! I'm just a typical mommy from northeast Ohio, my husband is absolutely obsessed with you two and Christina; he and I have seen damn near every episode of two bears, YMH and where my mom's at! Secret time, I couldn't begin to tell you how many time we've watch your specials.
We were just listening and you were talking about how you wished you could make a foundation for working dad's. I'd like to tell you a little about my husbands life lately, and I hope you'll maybe just take the time to give him a call or shoot him a message, hearing from any of the three of you that he's doing well would really help with his self image, his view of himself as a husband and father. If you chose not to read further, I thank you for reading this far.
My husbands name is Derek. Hes 26, raised by a single mom (his dad died before he was born) and his abusive brothers. All he ever wanted to be was a dad, and after three miscarriages, I was finally able to give him his first born two years ago, right before the COVID pandemic. Ever since he's worked two jobs, atleast 6 days a week, 10 hours a day 4 of those days a week. He's a fantastic father in every way he has the availablity to be. He expresses his love for me every time he can and every time I need it. He's truly a fantastic man, but he's so tired. He works this much to keep me home with the baby, so we're still struggling to do anything more then pay bills. All of our bills are caught up really, but beyond that we can't ever go do fun things, or take time off together, and it's truly defeating him. I just need him to hear from someone besides me how good he's doing, and that it'll get better.
Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you have the time in your busy life to contact me back for his information.
curious, did they ever make contact?(seems hit and miss which "content creators" read comments and which ones don't)
As an adult, it’s insane how often Bert uses the word “treat”.
What's childish with the word treat? lol. It's also from Tom he got that from...
This episode was a ride. Lol Trying to follow Burt’s train of thought is a mental workout
It’s frustrating because he starts telling a story and then immediately gets off on a tangent then that tangent starts something else. In the first 15 minutes he starts 9 different stories when he was talking about taking Georgia home from the hospital
Mental whiplash haha
I love to think of it as a hilarious mental ride trying to follow his train as it hops from track to track
I'm over this offing guy's schtick.
@@billybuttons4298 to be fair some of it’s played up, but for the most part it’s berts personality. His adhd heavily contributed to the tangents and shit, I do it myself all the time and find my self embarrassed when called out for it.
Tom: "Hey I'm exhausted. Let's go home."
Bert: "Yeah let's go home."
Also Bert: "Anyway, here's 17 more topics that I'm going to rant about WITHOUT YOUR INPUT for the next 20 minutes"
For this weeks episode of “Drunk Guy Ranting”, we catch up on Bert’s weigh gain efforts and hear briefly from Skinny Legend and Japanese chef Thomas Segura
Bert describing in detail how he’s an actual alcoholic without realizing he’s an alcoholic
“You’re never gonna find him on line…oh, wait,” is the biggest laugh I’ve had in a while, thank you, Brad.
Nadav sure as shit isn’t that fast to google it
“This is going to sound like a delusional person” should be a warning before every episode.
I think Wilco streams have dropped to near 0% after Burt saying he likes them.
🤣🤣🔥
your comments on barts insta story
16:25
“There’s nothing better than a cocktail if you’re hungover. That cocktail rightens your boat… I wanna be in the business of recovery.”
-Bert Kreischer
Proud parent moment for Burt and Leanne !!
Thank you Both
🇨🇦❤️🙏🏻
It’s fascinating to me that Bert seems to think no one else sees Toms quirks that make him hilarious except for him lmao
Right lol Like he doesn't do it 100 times during these episodes to the camera 😄
It's hilarious because it's the most/only visual thing that Tom does, so yes we all see it as well😅
brant is a jealous boyfriend when it comes to tim
They could just replay clips of Burp telling these same stories the same way. "And then the horse high fived me." Tom even sighed hard during that motorcycle story.
I'd love to be there when Barf confronts his daughter. He's going to go to town with this one.
136 episodes and this is the first one I’ve watched in the afternoon. I’ve cracked the code- sober, 9-5, just trying to get through the day, I am Tom. 8:30 pm halfway through a 12 pack, I am Bert.
“In the Business of Recovery; now with cocaine and xanex” should be a coke-esque advertisement design with Bert as Billy Maze.
I want that on a t-shirt
🤣🤣
I'm sure the berty bomb t-shirt is coming... "it's cocaine-esque"
As you should
Bert is the craziest delusional alcoholic I've ever seen. Love it!
The laughing in the back is the best😂 love it, lot others cut everyone else you guys literally make my day
Hearing about Ila getting in trouble for gambling at school has me in tears, absolutely losing it
The fact that Bart thinks he is going to out live any of his friends is so cute.
he already outlived brody. rip
Adorable
Bart Simpson doesn't age dude.
@@nsnbc6093 Well Hes on a steep decline
@@tokyosandblaster4623 savage
Normally when someone says “I’ll tell you off air” I go “noooo please say it!”
When Bert says that I’m like “eh big deal” 🤣
Because his “great idea” could be finding a way to freeze titos so he can have them in his ice dispenser
When Bert says that I’m like, “let’s all thank the lord for saving us 15 minutes we’ll never get back!”
@@joeyhampton5075 hahahaha this cracked me up!!!
They did it like 4 times last week.
He ended up saying his idea on the pod... Recovery shot
The DiStefano Bertcast is my favorite one! It's such an important conversation for men ,dads especially, to see. Being vulnerable and open about your emotions is good and healthy and people look to you and others as role models.
You both are SO lovable in such different ways and it's so perfect when it comes to chemistry.
"I'm riding next to wild motorcycles" Where is Bert finding wild motorcycles at?😂
Love imaging Bert cruising on a horse watching a herd of wild cycles!
as someone who loves knives and has a ridiculous pocket knife obsession I got so pumped to hear a little knife talk from Bert.
also the fact Bert is a huge bright eyes and wilco fan cracks me up. Bert is basically like every cute alternative girl with bangs that I went to school with in 2007
THE BEST PART OF THIS PODCAST HANDS DOWN IS THE CREW CONSTANTLY CRACKIN UP IN THE BACKGROUND 🤣🤣
Bert is looking extra tomato-ish today in the face
He is getting ripe now
Guy's health is complete shit and will remain that way until he stops drinking. Brent's days are numbered. You can literally see the high blood pressure lol
@@Brilembi his BP isn't necessarily high but could have alcohol induced rosacea and he probably lays face up in his pool. I do think he'll die soon though
@@Brilembi Bert will live to at least 140
I LOST it when Tom said “Dude, you remember Billy Mays?”
Billy mays here with another fantastic product!!!!
“I’m Billy Mays, and this is OxyClean!”
Bert looks like he's almost there talking about a recovery business and getting all emotional. Love you bros, great episode like always, best podcast.
I love when Bert talks about his drinking and ends with ya know like anyone can relate to Bert kreischers drinking habits
Those who can relate are usually dead.
@@fffraaankkk were on our way
@@robotix2106 is that you Burnt? Lol
Tom says “alright I’m exhausted” Bert tells like 3 more stories.
The patience of Tom with Burnt.... It really is the patience of someone who could be a serial killer 😂 edited: 51:13 👀
Whoever is the guy in the background laughing his ass off - l love you!!!! Makes me laugh harder out loud at work 😜
Halfway in, and this episode's gold. Bert's on fire.
"I just had a brilliant idea. I just had a BRILLIANT idea. Keep going."
GROWTH
Sometimes I wonder how Bert is alive and how he doesn’t drown looking up when it’s raining lol
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I often find myself wondering how Burnt is still alive multiple times a week
"I'm not doing just one" is such textbook alcoholism and Bart just doesn't realize it.
Relax
The dude is red brah he clearly has too many.
I mean or its an all or nothing mentality that could be indicative of some slightly deeper mental health issues that could exacerbate his inclination towards alcohol
Bert you can be drunk while sailing, sometimes it’s even the whole point. You will be a great captain 👌
Bert thinking people in recovery need Xanax is essential Bert thinking.
I’m here for the background laughs. 😂 always gets me when the crew laughs.
Especially when Leeann calls Bert to tell him Ila got caught gambling. I damn near pissed my pants
Just made a comment bout this … it’s insane lol
It's so fucking annoying
The laugh is honestly a main character, this podcast is actually a trio.
Who's the biggest laugher back there? There's one that cackles at almost everything.
I love how Bert loves Bright Eyes and thinks Tommy would like it too 😆
Perfect Description of 2 Bears: Tom Segura watches with a bored reverence as ADHD/dyslexic/drunk/high/fatsticks Bert Kreischer makes an attempt to stick to a single topic from beginning to end, and hilarity ensues. It is rumored that the podcast will end when he finally manages to accomplish this, but here we are on episode 136. Love you guys!
Especially when he sighed in monotone, let's wrap thus up (r*tard enthusiasm) haba
We get to hear Tom talk during the sponsor spots 😂
Tom asks himself this same question EVERY episode.... "why are we friends!?"
complimenting energy
It’s different this time since Bret Fatsher is realizing it in a delayed manner.
🤣😂🤣😂
Tom is not going to like Bright Eyes or Wilco.
The Seven figure paychecks ….
"I could go for a margarita right now."
"I believe you."
Tom is the king of asking Bert loaded questions. 31:02 that look..."Got him."
The deep breath and eye close from Tom after Bert declares " I loove not drinking" (26:03) shows just what a concentration workout it is to follow Bert when he's rolling... kills me every time!!
I had to watch that back a few times. Tom has so much restraint. Killed me
It’s funny that Bert drinks every day when he’s not at home but blames his wife for his drinking when he is at home
@@samr131 its not that funny. Just abusive.
it's incredible Bert finds a way to blame his alcoholism on LeeAnn
Yer no one can enjoy a drink because I'm not drinking now .I've been through it and it's like watching me says all the same things as I did his life revolves around alchohol and its only going to get worse
LeAnn is a lucky woman!! 🤣
@@theverybuenokid facts shed still be with her kin friend on the two tracks if ol Bert didnt come around
I love Berts laugh when he’s still trying to talk he’s hysterical
First time I remember seeing Tom getting physically upset at Bert interrupting him 53:13
The thing I know about myself is that my love of this pod stems from the fact I want to be a Tom but I am a Bert.
I was waiting for Bert to say that a pack of Yetis were keeping pace with him while he was skiing.
Bret and Tim are the best love these guys, such good vibes, absolutely astonishing episode! Had me laughing out loud on my morning commute. Thank you for spreading joy! Yankee Hotel Foxtrot is one of my favorite albums of all time, "I am trying to break your heart" was deep cut Bert... Would love to see a 2B1C/Wilco collaboration FTR ... Much love from Chicago!
When Bert says he’s hard to enjoy I find that hilarious 🤣 I loved the guy from the first moment I watched him
i love how tom really starts having fun when he gets a knife in his hand
Schultz releasing his special and his work on CZcams during the pandemic was the BEST thing to happen for comedians in 2 decades. I have watched every special released on CZcams since and they are all killers.
When Brock said “ I was riding next to wild motorcycles!” I laughed so hard. That would be an amazing skit 😂😂
After an hour of Bert hogging the podcast, the MOMENT that Tom talks... Bert immediately goes on his phone.
When Bert’s untimely death rocks us all, will they still release the pre-recorded 2B1C episodes for the month?
I hope so
They should prerecord a funeral podcast
fat
Sometimes I think the show is edited and cuts to random parts when I just listen and don’t watch the video. But nope, it’s just Bert jumping from one subject to another abruptly haha
When bert says crazy shit, the control room loses it 🤣 hilarious
I loved how Tom enjoyed Bert showing his emotions and talking about Wilko.
Bert: “I’d love not drinking”
“I’m never on twitter”
Burp Chrysler can't help but interrupt. He gets so excited.
Hahaha I would die if someone on TV introduced him at Burp
He’s like a faithful dog
Dudes is the background define me 😂😂😂😂 that's me lol cracking tf up!😂😂😂😂 I love both of them especially Bert man he is hilarious
Brent and Tim exploring their relationship was absolutely adorable and what I needed today🤣
Let’s all wish Bert a speedy recovery from the years of alcohol abuse 🥰
just get him on the instant cure alcohol recovery program (now with methamphetamine and cocaine)
Bert fire hosed Tom throughout the show and damn near cried twice!
It’s pretty neat we get to see Bret downward spiral every week, his mid sentence stokes are becoming more and more prevalent.
The guys in the back absolutely kill me with the laughs
The glimmer in Tim's eyes when Brent Kool-Aid whips out the knife is terrifying
Brent's the type of guy to drink a gallon of koolaid in a day.
@@GETmessedUPP 2
Can we get an official word count from episode 1 to now? I would like to see the difference between Bert and Tom.
10 to 20 x more
I’m truly impressed Bert can talk on stage, it’s awe-inspiring.
I love that half way through both of you just name everything u love about each other. So cute 😁
53:19 Tom's expression pretty much sums it up. 😂😂😂 Bart's ADD never lets him talk! 💜
6:30 is better lol
Bert's energy is at full on panic attack levels today!
Bert's ADHD is on FULL display in this episode.
1:08:05 when Bert started going off he sounded just like Joey Diaz lmaooo.