Video

You opened that yogurt like someone who's been squirted with yogurt juice

bloating and the extreme night sweats hurt the most.

Hi! This is a great video! I fell into a mixture of anorexia nervosa and orthorexia. Today I have 20 and I fell into anorexia last year for 6 months with excessive sport. I came home from class at 8pm and continued with 1h30 of cardio/muscle. I did not eat much next door, I weighed EVERYTHING. I have always had a lot of trouble with my appearance since my teenage years and it is also with remarks from relatives (my mother in particular) that encouraged this behavior. I was overweight during my high school and college years and I suffered a lot from it. In the first year of my bachelor’s degree I did a food rebalancing, I started to do sports regularly. Everything was fine until I said to myself: and if I ate less I would lose faster and I will be more beautiful for sure! No more bulges, no more breasts, no more buttocks... I went from being a greedy girl to being afraid to eat, afraid of food. I only ate low-calorie foods and in very small quantities. I also did four times more sports. I was starting to lose weight very quickly. I looked like a small skeleton, my mother compared me to a person in the concentration camps because you could see my bones. Then my hair started to fall slowly but surely, I was constantly tired, I felt my pelvic bones when I was lying down, I was very cold, getting up from my bed became very hard, taking a shower took a lot of effort. I had a pain in my neck, I began to not feeling my feet, to take time to concentrate for a simple everyday thing, my teeth and gums hurt, I went to the saddle 1 or 2 times a week from where a stomach ache and gastric complications with hemorrhoids ( yes all that is not very pretty but it was real). Clearly I was dying more and more. I was unhappy as possible. I was an empty shell that cried almost every day. But I was happy, proud because I was "thin"and I had took my revenge on my look. Then, with food restriction I lost my social life, my menstruation, my joy, my jokes, my good mood, my desire to live clearly. My parents were getting scared... But I didn’t care I wanted to go even further despite everything that was happening. I had gone to see my doctor in the meantime so that he could see me and help me, make me realize that it was not right but he did nothing: he only prescribed a blood test. Strangely, my weight was still high for my 1 m 63; I was at 46 or 47 kilos I do not remember precisely. I was not as thin as the other girls who reached 27 kilos. But I was at the end mentally and physically. I began to have compulsions followed by excruciating stomach pains. To punish myself for giving in, I did not eat or very little the following days and I increased the sport to "wash" myself internally. In May 2023, I had a click where I thought "I don’t see myself living like this forever, I can’t anymore, I don’t live anymore, is that really what you want? Really? Are you ready to give up all this forever for a slim waist and a smaller chest? ". Compulsions have come, increasingly strong, increasingly urgent. It was impossible to restrict myself and to do so much sport to wash me because it lasted for weeks and I was tired of this behavior. So I dropped everything, I was very hungry so it helped. When I started eating again, I don’t tell you the pleasure I felt just "eating", I felt like I had discovered something new and insane that nobody had discovered! I have since had countless food compulsions based on fruits, eggs and bread. I had a slab of hell, to eat and eat for days, I hid everything I ate from my parents. And I bought packages and packages of almonds, dates, bananas to feed myself. I had like you periods when I wanted to eat only a "type" of food until I was fed up! Also, I ate very few cakes and refined sugars, I have always rarely consumed them: like sugary drinks besides. My compulsions were on eggs, oatmeal, fruits and almonds in demonic quantities. So, the month of May and June was the time of abundant food all day... Then the month of July I panicked to see my weight rise so I fell back a little in the restriction with a big crisis per week and the rest to eat nothing and run the equivalent of a marathon per week to "wash" calories. I calculated everything to have a zero scale. And then in August I realized that I was entering a cycle of compulsion/ restriction and that by doing so I would not be rid of this mental weight of food in a while. So I dropped everything again until today. Today is October I gained a lot of weight ( +15 kg), I know I’m already in the overshoot but I still have big periods of hunger that do not end. My belly is "empty" even after eating lasagna, yogurt, fruits, bananas, dates, loaves of bread. I’m at about 5000 cal/day. Is it still normal? I still don’t have my period either. I also bought large t-shirts to be more comfortable when my belly resembles that of a pregnant woman. It’s hard to see his weight increase when I gave everything to see him go down. I made an appointment with a dietician to try to understand if it was still extreme hunger or if it was me who is not well at all. But I know internally that it is not bulimia because it is my choice to meet my hunger, I do not do it in a frenetic way, I control what I eat, what it is a minimum balanced with always complete meals. In short, I try to do my best to deal with the "problem". Also, did you have any physical effects from your anorexia? In my case, my teeth still hurt and my right foot is more sensitive than the left as if I had a little bit like ants in my feet. Sorry if I did mistakes, I am Frenchie girl :)

Like 11 and missing the CZcams content, but you have done amazing since this video, so proud of you Jess ♥️

❤❤❤

At what bmi so they admit you to hospital in Australia?

this is from a long time ago but did you ever post the notion template?

Gorj as usual! Love you hunny, so proud!!❤️

I absolutely love ovaltine light break, ovaltine is just not the same 🙁. Unfortunately they stopped selling them at Coles and Woolworth. Where do you get yours?

Hey Jess, loved the clothing, make-up and the color of your hair ❤️ I hope you're feeling better. I don't know much about fashion so these types of videos help me make outfits so thank you 😊 Hope you have an amazing day!

my favourite part is where u left ur camera in my handbag and never filmed an outro xx

You have come so far!! So nice seeing you enjoying your recovery life!

omg i feel that 100% on the high school trauma and toxicity. i’m only healing from that shit now

you are so sweet！Your vlog is also sweet like you ~l am a vlogger too and I will keep watching your video ~

I love how free and relaxed you seem (I know this is just a snippet and I dont want to assume anything as we all have struggles) but it makes me happy ❤

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Did you clean your car? Like the inside of it? 🥺🥰

ur absolutely gorgeous. like generally ur so pretty !

vbwqsp VUN.RENT

For the green dress should you size down or get normal size? I’m usually a 12 but not sure if it’s roomy?

Love you my darling!💕

Was hoping you would make a video soon! Glad you're feeling better though and you just seem to be happy (I think) and in good spirits ❤

Take care of yourself and rest🙂

Yayyy a vlog after a long time we missed u :) Hope your doing ok💕

Do you ever get your room changed.

I know you posted this over a year ago but I enjoyed your vlog. Keep keeping on.

How long did it take you to grow your hair back? Also, was all your hair recovered? Or were there spots that were just permanently damaged?

SO excited for you ❤️

And thank you for saying that time doesn’t matter and that you should eat when you are hungry and don’t wait for a specific time 🙏🏻

Loved this video 😍😍 congratulations, you are amazing and I am proud of you ( and kinda jealous because I also want watermelon now haha)

You make me so proud

You give me hope

Been catching up on your videos. I started my recovery at the same time you did and you inspired me and helped me so much when I felt like I couldn't go on. Seeing your recovery makes me hope for mine even tho I feel im not so ready for recovering like you are, nonetheless, your content is amazing and inspiring. PD: you singing evermore while playing the piano having a glass of wine is what I want my life to be like. Lost of love

omg i challenged gnocchi pesto this week and it tasted sooo goooood

Love you hunny! You’ve come soooo far and continue to grow. Proudest Mum ever!!💕💕💕

you keep me so motivated to keep going in recovery, and it's so motivating to see what life can be like as you progress and distance yourself further from your ed! Keep going girl, you rock <3

U should make tik toks!!

I love your videos, very inspiring 🥰 I was just wondering, has your gut improved with full recovery?

Ahhh no, how was the banana bread 😂 you left me hanging

Suggestion: look into fortified shampoo for fast hair growth.

❤ I've struggled w extreme anxiety for a while, which has made "recovery" physically and mentally extremely difficult partly bc it contributes largely to my ibs/gi issues, which creates this vicious cycle; anxiety sucks 😖 I'm sorry you're struggling with it too xox

The pieces look gorgeous! Do they have any rose gold jewellery?

vae.fyi magic

Its 13 here now lol but its morning...yet it's still summer in Canada so 😭

i just watched your 'Being Admitted To Hospital In ED Recovery // RecoverED Vlog #6' video and you've literally changed so much since then! you seem way happier and bubbly!! compared to that vlog where u were super quiet! only seen two of your videos so far but i literally love your channel now lmao

What’s the link for the shoes if you don’t mind

Happy belated Birthday Jess , really enjoy your blog's i can relate to a lot of what you say . Going through therapy myself currently , which is hard work , but hopefully will benefit me in the long time . ❤️👌🥰🌈

Currently digging in my caramel baked oats <3

I have to send this my family, thank you!

Waa your look is so beautiful !💙 I love that dress !!