Video

Does public speaking give you supply?

25 yrs married, felt huge relief after separation which lasted about 9 months after which he suddenly announced that he was moving on with new supply. I then went into a very dark place, similar to trauma bonding. It's 6 months now, I definitely don't miss him, but he's in my head especially at night when I can't sleep. The color hasn't returned, ( I was depressed for a decade before the reverse discard, I wanted the relationship to end ) so am I a inverted narc ? I can't seem to move on

Sam, you're funny, etc, and I appreciate your honesty / realness. It's so much better than the Covert lot. I'll take a grandiose narcissist any day, you know what you're dealing with then. I do love how you owned getting off on receiving more admiration from your talks / being televised. I did think to myself - God Richard, you're just encouraging this guy to double down on his personality disorders, but at least you're being used for some good.....to an extent. That aside, you're still a narcissist, and you can, of course, present your opinions, but it's not up to you how we / I hypothesise anything. It's not advice / its control, and we are part of a bigger picture. There is something higher than us controlling everything. That's the problem with science and psychology, unfortunately. It's okay to embrace our shadow side and fight back. It's only by dipping in and out of the light and dark, have I let go of my people pleasing, resentments and perfectionism. It's healthy to seek vengeance and then step away. Not to keep on causing injury, of course, especially after years of abuse. You have to realise you're being abused first to walk away. That doesn't even enter your consciousness until you're ready to accept it. You can only deal with one trauma section at a time. A lot of us have dissociated for years. I knew my family were toxic but I didn't realise they were Narcissists until about a year ago or less. The gaslighting was horrendous, and I was the scapegoat. Similar to a Cult esque establishment such as 😢 AA, you're trying to teach the masses not to defend ourselves with anger. That then lets you guys n' girls off the hook to some extent because you're really infantile in state. It's quite easy when you know how. We've been through years of it. Anger is a healthy emotion and should be felt and executed in a way that mirrors the narcissist abuse. We should all be taught to stand up to bullies. Narcissists 100% target the vulnerable but also the one's who are healing. I get more agro now because I'm more confident and stand up for myself, walk away, etc. They / you become obsessed with us. Nope, coming away from the family was the best thing I've ever done. That's not avoidance. That's prioritisation. I can not meet or attract healthier people until I step away from trauma bonds, especially the toxic family unit, go back to test the waters - yes, but mostly come away. No contact full stop doesn't encourage growth. Now that isn't avoidance.

The (pre-traumatised) jewish mother -> high achieving, high IQ narcistist son or daughter -> grandiose psychopathic global policy is playing out as we speak

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41:00

1:02:44 holy shyte also this just described nietzsche's master/slave dynamic.

39:41 becareful when fighting monsters, lest you become a monster yourself, and when you look like nto the abyss, the abyss looks back into you. - Nietzsche

Could you link to the original full presentation? Thank you!

The laughing woman is psychotic

This is a help for me to understand why I act this way thanks

What a strong, wonderful opening 😂 you’d be a very successful comedian

Bullshit,I said I will not abuse peoole,and I will not be the victim,both are aspects of my being,and I stand in my power, wholeness

And her reaction to the scum.comment,shows she herself,is not seeing him for what he really is ,she is thinking of the child, he is not ,the danger is right in front of her, but she wants to believe in the child, haven't we all done this?

Pay attention to how he tries to reduce the insidious behavior of narcissist to a bad marriage, watch what he is doing. On the flip side,we have to own our shit,how we got here,become whole and these types of people wi!! Not be a match to us.Its really about what we learn from this.Take back.Your power from these, types

Thank you Sam! I'm a fan of your teachings and i love your kind of humor

54:20….. When I was dating and eventually married my narcissistic wife I got a very deep sense that she was a child but it was very subtle and hard to explain. I told myself that she is in her early 20s and there’s no way somebody at that age could really be a child so I assumed I was judging her negatively and it was my problem.

Yes I am...front row seats..I can't BELIEVE HOW REAL YOU ARE. WE NEED TO TALK SOON ..PLEASE USA

Thanks Johnathon...Love you Aunt PJ

He's Very INSPIRING

This reminds me of hearing AJ Miller talk about being addicted to hope. And mistaking that for love or other positive things.

She is an adrenaline junkie😅😂😂😂😂😂

You have a great ego for your grounding ..may be you have developed it since the beginning of your diagnosis☺️

Totally agree I am not a victim Sam

I will take that bet Dr Sam. I was love bombed. I was devastated. Not exactly discarded per say because I got free of the trauma bond fog through my faith in Jesus Christ. The divorce will be final in 6days of the 4yr marriage. When I met my narc I never once thought of her or seen her as my soul mate or extension of me or fullfillment of me or anything of me. In fact I saw all the red flags going up when the relationship started that told me her faith in Christ wasn't genuine. The facts were clear my eyes saw my ears heard the excuses and not even a conviction of sin. But I was love bombed as love bombing goes I was drunk with my own concoction of love defenciency thus I danced with my narc in the fantasy. But I had to push aside my real self my spirit man born again Christ within to be with her. And it took about a month to get through the trauma bond. It was a physical withdrawal as well as psychological withdrawal and spiritual war. But it passed and I don't desire the fantasy anymore. I am not dumb enough to think I couldnt possibly be fooled again but I can say and take your bet that I never felt thought or settled into any kind of belief that would look anything like my narc was ever a part of me in any sense. What do I win in this bet sir?

"You can never leave a psychopath or narcissist?" Haha. That would be the same as sayiing you cannot leave any experience you ever had. Of course there is some truth to it because we are recorders. But its silly. Of course I believe he believes it and I can accept that. But people leave behind everything in life ultimately as fast as the clock ticks. These kinds of statements are the storyteller. Its a tale sprinkled with enough bits of truth to be believable. But when you walk away and read the bible for example you quickly begin to understand you were listening to basic madness. Nothing that will profit you nothing that you can encourage someone with nothing of any value. In fact it is of no value or negative value. He talks more like a spiritual guru but then remember he is a psychopath. Drunk on his own concoction. Can you imagine a small child being raised by him? Utterly horrific disaster. The power he yields is an illusion. He is painting his illusion in your mind or at least trying to. What makes Sam Vaknin boring is its the same dogma that every serial killer you've ever heard speaks. Same type of delusions of power delusions upon delusions.

As long as you know this person is a psychopath you'll be fine listening I read. Very true.

"we know where the bread is hidden, we kmow which guards to avoid" was so painfully poignant

i'm a sigma emapth. I put up 15 years of abuse from my ex covert wife.

DId he paid that women to laugh?

I divorced a narcissist in2007 .. Im living to die.The fact I’m not actually dead is the only ‘success’ about my life post narcissist.

That last line. Just wow.

Wat een kwal

I thought they end it by discard?

This audience is mentally ill

Intro spot on😂 It's true😂😂😂

Wrong! He is leaving my mind! He is disgusting and I refuse to have any lingering demons in my mind my heart! He married the wrong hillbilly. He never took my self esteem. Yes he filled me with sorrow! Never took my spirit. My soul. I am stronger than him. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Yes Christ is real. Demons are real. Grow up child! Everybody gets abused. Self reflect! Oh you do have to have a heart otherwise keep up the imposter.

Dear Professor, again intellectually you are so right and you are so grandiose in all that you have accomplished. You know in fact everything, every single thing about narcissists and psychopaths, but I hear many contradictions in understanding the so-called ' victims ', or better said: survivors. You can embody and analyse every aspect of the minds of narcissists and psychopaths, but the so called 'aggressive' victims are robbed of everything 'we' had: their social support network/family, trust in other people, their ability to love, their own money, their growth (my whole youth 18-31) and 'our' physical love driven by oxytocine hormones, hopes and dreams. Things that you as a narcisstic psychopath cannot feel and would not happen to you, because you are too calculated for that. No emotions. No pain. No suicidal attempts.... It is not invading the mind only! It is everything we have, what we felt and what we are. And that is psychological murder. Are victims above Jesus, and still so weak to turn the other cheek? Or are victims just human and want to punish their destroyer? That is what you see in all these broken mostly women. Their deep true love turns into hate. And yes, hate is stronger than indifferentness, because it is an emotion. It is a reaction just because we are still alive! Body snatched, damaged (on purpose ) but with a dying wish to kill their cool blooded traitors. Like you said: that is what he wanted us to be: A bad object. And at the same time you look down on 'us' for it. We again are shamed as losers to feal real emotions. I did NOT marry at the age of 23 after already have a relationship for 5 years with 'my love' to be robbed, demolished, sabotaged, demonized, and humiliation 7 years after that! I was an very successful intelligent and warm lady, I was replaced for a slut that fucked around town and everybody laughed behind my back. I wanted children, he wanted to give me none. Now years later he had one with a Russian immigrant and put the birth of him on CZcams. You have no idea. Is that not sadistic? Is that not hateful behaviour? Or is that his humor? Is it your coldness that you don't understand; but YOU say you have not the capacity to feel THIS pain. Don't judge than. If you know no love, and people are interchangeable for you. Maybe it is time now to keep you comments about the abusers, not their victims. Because professor, modesty is a virtue...you look like my ex, you talk like ny ex, but you are more intelligent and disciplined. But even you are stuck in a rigid pattern: making your mental state (illness)into your life and life work. And also bring more pain at victims. I wish I never knew all that you told me. It is only more harrowing. Who loves to listen to its own Holocaust....

This is gold

I am indifferent to this guy... so boring, such an amount of obvious information

'Almost 90 days separated -- with some contact -- and now she amazed that I won't reconcile. Relief!!! THANK YOU Dr. Vaknin ! -- you have cleared a cosmic-mystery for humanity. I can go in peace -- thanks to you.

I don't agree that an empath is a helpless victim. An true empath is the strongest person in the room, and they eat the narcissist for dinner :)

"My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of the Holy Bible" . It makes me giggle everytime I think about it

The concept of narcissistic supply is by no means Vatnin's "invention" as he states.. It was introduced by Otto Fenichel in 1938, to describe a type of admiration, interpersonal support or sustenance drawn by an individual from his or her environment and essential to their self-esteem.

Like a narcissist is a virus . You make us amorphous and dissolve our membranes and for a moment you copy our DNA and trick our immune system … very interesting …very sad … The only way away from a narcissist is through disciplined mindful conscious meditation and slowly recognize we are not our minds . The narcissist traps the mind . Conciousness living and practice does not allow this trap anymore . Breath meditation and dropping the mind triggers and traps starts to bring out the dysfunctional nature of that person and helps us to drop the disappointment of being sold an image that was not the real one and we have bond with it , cognitive therapy is also very helpful . With time coming back to our own stable core narcissistic people are not interesting anymore , not attractive because the dysfunction becomes clear from start . Concentrate that we can express our hearts for majority of people beyond the alternative pseudo devaluing totalitarian reality a narcissistic was able to shape in our minds . The other thing that becomes clear is that a narcissistic personality is never happy , it can’t be happy as it pray in others happiness . Narcissists are vampires , many victims loose weigh, loose glow, loose vitality , loose self love while they get shinier … They are simple parasites hijacking a healthy organism but with some level of emotional disregulstion… If one focus in emotional regulation , dare to trust and love again and self compassion we see they are not the majority of people …

Having a relationship with Reality is the only way to navigate your life, to get out of the weeds. Life is a challenge for everyone, hard work is inevitable. Not always easy, but worth it. Agree about marriage being an outdated institution. To me, everything you said was indisputable. You give people excellent tools. The audience and I appreciated your forthright delivery, at times similar to a comedian.

A treasure of information- thx for posting this excellent video by the great Sam Vaknin

When it comes to US politics, you are a moron. Stick to your field.

❤❤❤❤

Oh my gosh, so true.