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My partner and I have been navigating this dynamic. We are both open to change and working through our anxious/avoidant dance. We would LOVE a coaching session to get us on the right track 🤎 thank you for offering this!

Thanks for watching! 😊 If you are healing your avoidant attachment style - I hope you found this helpful! Feel free to grab your ✨FREE couples coaching session✨ before July 29th by booking a discovery call here: mailchi.mp/d08c41c6dc3e/discoverycall And while you're here, why not hop on over to our private Facebook community to connect with others and grab your free trainings on mastering intimacy with your anxious or avoidant spouse? I'd love to see you there! facebook.com/groups/masteringintimacy ❤

#replay 😂

#reply

I would like to know how congratulations you learned about how

Thanks for watching! 😊 If you're looking to create more intimacy with you anxious or avoidant spouse why not hop on over to our private Facebook community to connect with others and grab your free trainings? I would love to see you there! facebook.com/groups/masteringintimacy ❤

Thanks for watching! If you're looking to understand your avoidant partner better- I hope you found this helpful 😊 And while you're here, why not hop on over to our private Facebook community to connect with others and grab your free trainings on mastering intimacy with your anxious or avoidant spouse? I would love to see you there! facebook.com/groups/masteringintimacy ❤

Thanks for watching! If you're looking to help your avoidant partner open up - I hope you found this helpful 😊 And while you're here, why not hop on over to our private Facebook community to connect with others and grab your free trainings on mastering intimacy with your anxious or avoidant spouse? I would love to see you there! facebook.com/groups/masteringintimacy ❤

Thanks for watching! If you're learning how to handle your avoidant attachment style in your relationship - I hope you found this helpful 😊 And while you're here, why not hop on over to our private Facebook community to connect with others and grab your free trainings on mastering intimacy with your anxious or avoidant spouse? I would love to see you there! facebook.com/groups/masteringintimacy ❤

Thanks for watching! If you're healing your anxious or avoidant attachment style - I hope you found this helpful 😊 And while you're here, why not hop on over to our private Facebook community to connect with others and grab your free trainings on mastering intimacy with your anxious or avoidant spouse? I would love to see you there! facebook.com/groups/masteringintimacy ❤

Thanks for watching! If you want your avoidant partner to open up emotionally - I hope you found this helpful 😊 And while you're here, why not hop on over to our private Facebook community to connect with others and grab your free trainings on mastering intimacy with your anxious or avoidant spouse? I would love to see you there! facebook.com/groups/masteringintimacy ❤

Thanks for watching! If you're healing your anxious or avoidant attachment style - I hope you found this helpful 😊 And while you're here, why not hop on over to our private Facebook community to connect with others and grab your free trainings on mastering intimacy with your anxious or avoidant spouse? I would love to see you there! facebook.com/groups/masteringintimacy ❤

Good lord, are we dealing with an adult or an autistic child!?! It's not anxious, it's being an adult and not having arrested development. Avoidant should be relabeled as disassociative autism. I spent 3 years being unbelievably patient and accepting, it doesn't get better unless they are in active therapy. If you want an adult relationship, it will not be found with an avoidant. You will always be first on the chopping block compared to their pet, friends, family, job, home, and independence.

I'm avoidant. She calls me a robot

Sharing your story is extremely helpful for me. Thank you!

I only learnt yesterday tht I’m an anxious avoidant and I’m dating a dismissive avoidant. The journey hasn’t been easy bt bcoz I love him I’ve always had to be submissive and break the silence when needed, yet I ddnt know it would push them further away (that I only learnt yesterday through your videos..lol) My question is should I let them know that I know who they are (DA) and I totally understand and would like to help/be with them through their journey to/in healing? Or me addressing this issue in this way will just upset them and close off completely?

I’m still leaving him . Can’t do it

So they care but we should be ignored?

I was an SA until I fell in love with a DA. Now I have an anxious attachment.

Im going through this right now with a person I have been dating for 3 months now. She suddenly and abruptly withdrew and when I asked why she couldnt say much ! I told her the exact the same thing that you are saying - that is she is sabotaging and she denied it everything and called it manipulation ! I am so full of anxiety rumination since this happened and it was a shock to my nervous system ! I wish I could send her your video but she will most likely ignore it and wont get anyways. I genuinely dont know what to do ! : (. Thank you so much for making this enligthening video !

I think Dr phil would say to the avoidant partner and there refusal to communicate - "hows that working for you?"

They say they care, but there actions say the opposite .

Thanks for watching 😊 If your partner avoids emotional conversations - I hope you found this helpful! If you have any questions, let me know below!! Why not hop on over to our Facebook community? facebook.com/groups/masteringintimacy ❤ P.S. You can book a free Discovery Call by clicking here... mailchi.mp/d08c41c6dc3e/discoverycall

Thank you Abi, Breath work 100% regulates your CNS 😊

Not even halfway through and damn you're speaking right out to me 😅 not even done this video yet, but thank you so much for posting this. I've been going through a situation with this for years, and I've become very self-aware thankfully and it was a difficult journey. Now I'm learning about these attachment styles and from what I've learned, I was definitely an anxious type before I really started doing true work on myself, which I hope and pray everybody can start that process because it can take some time, but the breakthroughs are beyond worth it for within yourself. This person still makes me anxious, but during the times that I couldn't have the person, which is still one of those times but I don't do this anymore, I would go and seek out meaningless connections for extremely short periods of time which slowly turned me into and avoidant just like the person I've been attached to. Everything I did was always extremely consensual, I always would open up about what I've dealt with and that I'm never looking for anything serious with anyone just because I don't want to waste my time or theirs so if they're not okay with something very short and temporary, then I wouldn't waste their time because some people were in the same boat as me as well. It was mutually consensual to just be avoidant after a certain trigger point. After doing that for a while, I really began to realize what it was doing to me, preventing me from actually dealing with my internal conflicts and working through them the correct way. I started reading psychology books, diving into my past to understand the how's, what's and why's along with seeing a therapist, psychologist, not psychiatrist, for a little while. 100% recommend seeing a legitimate psychological therapist. Stay away from psychologists in my opinion. My old one just tried to push pills on me and threw me into a PTSD episode every visit, which I'm against using pills to change your mental state of mind because I have seen what it does to people after a long-term use. I want to be able to live without needing something, I had to learn and understand that I had to be there for me. Therapy really help me understand the equation essentially of why a reaction happens off of a similar situation. That was really only the scratch of the surface. That was maybe 5 years ago, I've been still learning more and reinforcing my fortitude ever since, but after breaking down all of this information logically and emotionally, I still find myself very attached and connected to this person but they still bring out my anxious side which I honestly find interesting and I've always really loved this person, I've always asked myself if it was a false sense of love and if it was some type of habit or feeling that I got from her rather than an actual genuine love for her. After years of trying to convince myself that I was tricking myself into liking her, I realized that I really really do just care about her, there's no ulterior motive, there's no thought of anyone else, and anytime I'm around her, there's literally no thought to the effort I put in, and I always was a people pleaser, but it's not that. I just genuinely enjoy noticing all of the little things I could do for her and the action to be able to do things for her is so natural that it's almost energyless and weightless, I don't notice doing it It just happens. And in my opinion this is how men love. It's not that we feel we have to do anything at all for anybody, it's just that when we do start doing that for someone specific, we're not even thinking about it, it's just our natural instinct to want to provide and protect. It really is for that right woman, which is why I don't want to waste any other woman's time because their time is just as precious and as important to them as mine is to me. I want to be able to learn how to control these anxious tendencies for when I'm connecting, of course it's mainly for with her right now even though she doesn't want to talk to me right now, which that's fine, that actually gives me some time to work on myself even more lol but damn I do want to talk to her 😂 which that it's selfish in me I have grown a lot. It was definitely a sobbing mess for the first few days and it was almost uncontrollable. It was like someone turned to falset on and I had no control to turn it off. I needed that though, that let out a lot of pressure. Even if nothing works out with her in the end, regardless I was able to fall back in love with myself over time after I started healing and one thing I've noticed is once you do fall back in love with yourself, and you develop a love and guidance for the inner child in yourself, and understand what you've went through over the span of your life, the work you put in on yourself becomes easier and more natural. You end up finding a new path to coming to the correct answers of how you got where you are.

Could you do a video on how to deal best with a relationship between an anxious / avoidant couple in which my partner has asked for time and space apart? I have an anxious attachment style and the last few years and last 12 months have been very difficult and taken their toll… this has happened just at the point when things should improve as I have got a job for the first time in two years after an early retirement. Thanks.

Thanks for watching 😊 If you're struggling with anxiety in your relationship - I hope you found this helpful! If you have any questions, let me know below! P.S. You can book a free Discovery Call for you and your partner by clicking here: mailchi.mp/d08c41c6dc3e/discoverycall ❤ Reply

Thank you for the replay

I had been hanging out with an avoidant for more than a year. I paid attention whenever things feel close he go back to his cave for a while. Uncommunicative, and lately not cooperatin. I don’t feel he value or appreciate me

Thank you! 🌞

#replay

You talk about the man being avoidant and the woman wanting him to be emotionally available. I am in an opposite situation. She is avoidant, and I am wanting her to open up.

Never been in a relationship, and the way things are going highly doubt I'll find one soon lol, but thank you for the advice it was good general advice (at least for me) to keep in mind!

Always been interested in attachment theory. Thank for this!

Thank you 😊

Thank you 😊

It's so hard to deal with, my fiancé didn't talk to me those last ten days cause he has some work issues, and he has to choose when we will live together after marriage. Its so hard to live with it

Hope this takes off for you. Best of luck!

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So great Abi! 🎉 I love your insights

I think a lot of the reason many of us have very long lists of dealbreakers is the fear of what our preferences not being met might mean. For me whenever I expressed my needs to my family no attempt was made to meet them and my needs were often mocked for having needs that weren't understood. Conflict was very dangerous and expressing needs could get me into trouble. So for a long time I was scared of conflict because it felt like the person may have been against me. Over the last 3 years or so I've had better quality friendships and this has made me feel a lot safer around conflict as my feelings are taken into account much more than they used to be, though there are still times when I feel invalidated by some people. But now I feel if I have another relationship conflict wouldn't be as scary as it used to be even if it might be a bit stressful at times, especially when we're still getting to know each other. When you spoke about dealbreakers and preferences it reminded me of one area that's always been an emotive issue for me. I have a lot of trauma around sport, being forced to do it at school and I always found it triggering when my father watched it on TV in front of me as it took me back to that. A lot of people I've spoken to over the years have looked at me as if I'm weird when I've said I don't like sport. I've always felt I would like a partner who isn't into sport, especially contact sport. I guess I've always associated contact sport with roughness. But hearing you speak has made me think about it a bit more. I feel a partner believing that sport should be compulsory for schoolchildren would be a dealbreaker because he'd be supporting a practice that caused me trauma I still live with today. I feel I couldn't be with a sports teacher as it would feel like dating someone who played a role I was traumatised by, even if they took a different approach to the teachers who mistreated me. If a partner looked down on me because I didn't like sport that would be a dealbreaker too. I feel I'd want to be able to talk with a partner about the trauma sport caused me. I'd worry about coming across disrespectful to his passion but would want him to empathise with my trauma. If he believed that nobody should be forced to do sport if they didn't want to, if he could listen to me talk about my trauma but liked to play himself. I guess what I'm learning here is that it's not the sport that's the problem, it's the coercion I have the real issue with. Thanks for making me think about that, I'm sure there are many other examples like this. Regarding growth I think I want to be with a partner who likes emotional growth and emotional intimacy where we can talk about deep and vulnerable issues but the definition of "growth" is very much subject to interpretation. I'm put off the sort of growth that is behavioural and looks down on people who haven't met a set of unrealistic standards and that makes them feel they're worth nothing if they don't do what the other person thinks they should. I've come across a lot of people like that. Personally I don't think that is real growth because it only focuses on a person's supposed deficits, ignores their assets and it feels like emotion is not valued with that way of thinking. Thanks for this video, I think I'm going to find it very helpful.