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My People Patterns
United States
Registrace 18. 08. 2018
I'm a relationship therapist specializing in couples counseling and family therapy andI help people grow great relations with themself, others, and their families.
In particular I'm a massive fan of family systems, so if you want relationship advice, parenting tips or to learn more about Murray Bowen and Family Systems Theory - say hi and follow along.
My People Patterns is for anyone interested in building healthy relationships, and that includes therapists, who are in the business of making healthy relationships for all. I see a lot of parents, families, and teens and help all sorts of parent-child dynamics
I specialize in family therapy, and structural family therapy in particular. My careers started with working with teens, so there will be plenty of content focused on therapy with teens, and counseling teenagers.
In particular I'm a massive fan of family systems, so if you want relationship advice, parenting tips or to learn more about Murray Bowen and Family Systems Theory - say hi and follow along.
My People Patterns is for anyone interested in building healthy relationships, and that includes therapists, who are in the business of making healthy relationships for all. I see a lot of parents, families, and teens and help all sorts of parent-child dynamics
I specialize in family therapy, and structural family therapy in particular. My careers started with working with teens, so there will be plenty of content focused on therapy with teens, and counseling teenagers.
Why The Bowen Family Theory 8 Concepts Aren't Bullsh!t
Bowen Family Systems Theory developed by Dr. Murray Bowen, introduces a framework where the family is viewed as an emotional unit, but it's SO MUCH more than family therapy.
I use these techniques and 8 concepts in at least one session a day. I've tried to pack this video with visual ways to describe things as well as a useful example or ten.
00:00 Start
09:52 Differentiation Of Self
12:39 Nuclear Family Process
17:48 Emotional Cutoff
19:49 Triangles
22:11 Family Projection Process
25:17 Multigenerational Transmision Process
27:41 Sibling Position
29:56 Societal Emotional Process
One key concept is the Nuclear Family Emotional System, where emotions are automatic physiological reactions that significantly influence family dynamics, with anxiety playing a central role. This anxiety can be acute, triggered by immediate stressors, or chronic, persisting over time and leading to long-term dysfunctions in family patterns. The Family Projection Process explains how parents transmit their anxieties to their children, resulting in symptoms that create a feedback loop of increased anxiety within the family. Emotional distance and conflict are common coping mechanisms, where family members either engage in intense disagreements or create space to avoid tension, neither of which resolves underlying issues.
Differentiation of Self is another core concept, highlighting an individual's ability to maintain their identity while remaining emotionally connected to their family, with higher differentiation leading to better emotional and social functioning. Triangles, a fundamental aspect of Bowen's theory, describe three-person relationship systems formed to manage anxiety, often complicating relationships further. The Multi-generational Transmission Process outlines how unresolved emotional issues and levels of differentiation are passed down through generations, influencing the emotional functioning of future family members. Ultimately, Bowen's theory posits that family dysfunctions can impact broader society, as families are microcosms of society, and managing family dynamics and anxiety can have positive effects on both individual families and the larger community.
I use these techniques and 8 concepts in at least one session a day. I've tried to pack this video with visual ways to describe things as well as a useful example or ten.
00:00 Start
09:52 Differentiation Of Self
12:39 Nuclear Family Process
17:48 Emotional Cutoff
19:49 Triangles
22:11 Family Projection Process
25:17 Multigenerational Transmision Process
27:41 Sibling Position
29:56 Societal Emotional Process
One key concept is the Nuclear Family Emotional System, where emotions are automatic physiological reactions that significantly influence family dynamics, with anxiety playing a central role. This anxiety can be acute, triggered by immediate stressors, or chronic, persisting over time and leading to long-term dysfunctions in family patterns. The Family Projection Process explains how parents transmit their anxieties to their children, resulting in symptoms that create a feedback loop of increased anxiety within the family. Emotional distance and conflict are common coping mechanisms, where family members either engage in intense disagreements or create space to avoid tension, neither of which resolves underlying issues.
Differentiation of Self is another core concept, highlighting an individual's ability to maintain their identity while remaining emotionally connected to their family, with higher differentiation leading to better emotional and social functioning. Triangles, a fundamental aspect of Bowen's theory, describe three-person relationship systems formed to manage anxiety, often complicating relationships further. The Multi-generational Transmission Process outlines how unresolved emotional issues and levels of differentiation are passed down through generations, influencing the emotional functioning of future family members. Ultimately, Bowen's theory posits that family dysfunctions can impact broader society, as families are microcosms of society, and managing family dynamics and anxiety can have positive effects on both individual families and the larger community.
zhlédnutí: 306
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Healing Your Wounded Inner Child & Reparenting Yourself
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Relationship Mapping: A Couples Therapy Intensive Treatment
zhlédnutí 74Před 14 dny
In this episode, we dive into the powerful method of relationship mapping, a unique approach to couples therapy that helps couples strengthen their bonds and resolve conflicts. This is based on structural family systems mapping and some emotion focused couple treatment. Consider it a bootcamp intensive! If you live in California and want to sign up to hear about when our next round of mapping i...
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Couples Therapy: Emotional Boundaries In A Marriage & Relationships
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Five Stages Of A Relationship Psychology: And What To Do
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Bowen Family Systems and How It Works with Couples
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group facilitation techniques: immediacy in group counseling
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5 types of anxiety: disorders and their causes
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Process Group Therapy Facilitation Techniques #3: Bridging
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constant arguing in a relationship good or bad and how to fix it
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I love this
The trick is catching the moments when the parent needs to fly in and tell me I’ll never look like that handsome AI generated superhero and that it’s gonna be ok.
I had a mixed type helicopter foster parent+religious trauma on top of that, it was fun
I love your videos! They are so helpful.
wooohoo! So glad you found them and they're helpful to you :)
Beautifully explained
ah! thank you so much - so glad it's helpful
This is great
Ah! Thank you - So glad it reached you -
Love your content
Thank you so much! Thrilled it’s helpful
Please don't give up on this channel. This is so helpful and easy to understand
Aw. Thank you! Another Bowen video going up tomorrow
How about, how did you know if an emotional broke man is just using you?
yeah definitely
All my characters are super traumatized and I use this as more of a way to pass time or vent my emotions. It’s like writing a book for me.
I am the one traumatized here😅 I just daydream about hugging someone😢
@@Andrei-nz6tc I also day dream about (my characters) hugging someone! After they brake down crying because they just lost all their family and almost died like 10 times. 😀
Thank so much for this series! Love it!
Not everyday. Nor being disrespectful and mean
Great-- can you publish the PDF?
Looks like you provide a great service! Nice advertisement
Anxious attachment
In my professional opinion i think she suffers from her not writing her own music instead is sings about somones elses mental issues...just sayin.
yeah.... that's not really the point though. Thanks for trying.
I've been telling my man for 27 years what exactly bugs me and it hasn't changed a thing.
My great grandmother was the party kind.
yes please. clips are interesting.
Funny thing is, if you minimize and ignore your feelings, they will take control of the thinking part of your brain and turn it into a basic binary processor. What you think will be driven by your feelings, and you won't even realize it.
Hi Emily! Thank you SO much for- this had made my day 😊 so glad you found them and that they’re actually helpful!
Hey Oliver. I'm a clinical social worker in private practice and I just found your channel. Just wanted to tell you that I love your content and it is helping me revitalize my practice and my own relationships. Just wanted to say thank you and you are making a difference!
Thank you so much for these videos! Please keep them coming!!
Stop touching up your videos with ai it’s so unsettling
No that’s not how it works. You need to stop watching them. Go talk to your therapist about it, it’s called “zone of control” and they’ll explain it to you.
As well as that unconscious preparedness had from manifestation practices, I reckon the (figurative) magic (i.e. not 'magik'!) also comes from an unconscious perceptual and behavioural 'nudging' of us to perceive things related to the sought entity and to act in ways compatible with obtaining the said thing. Simply, such as mantras, affirmations & dream boards position the desired - and the idea of possessing it - at the mind's forefront, so one's senses and thoughts are more likely than otherwise to draw us to being involved with it 'in real life'. That involvement may be very 'distant' - a long way from actually having the thing (say, being 'nudged' to looking at an 'American Classics' car magazine in an on-platform newsagents, at a British rail station, whilst whiling away a few minutes (it'll end up hours, given the state of rail transport) waiting for a train; for the Cornish (still West Coast) New-Agey Corvette-craver; um, make that one of those Chevy 'Day Vans'. But then very pragmatic factors could ensue from this that sooner or later sees the person owning such a vehicle (e.g. an ad' in the magazine that - 'would you believe it' - is for a Chevy Van, for sale at a bargain price and near where the person lives); and so 'as if by magic' he/she/they is delighting in choking traffic in Cornwall's narrow rural lanes that were never intended for such vehicles. I'm sure there's one or more/many 'cognitive biases' that could be cited as operational here. But these probably wouldn't detract from the sense of wonder and credulity, from a notable manifestation success; regrettably though, a fillip perhaps inspiring that person to devote too much faith and time at further (trying to) manifest things, instead of knuckling down to trying to get what's wanted 'the hard way' - with blood, sweat and tears (which, of course, could be a misperception - one paradoxically reinforced by continuation, maybe fruitlessly, with the 'easy' (err, 'manifestory') way - so pre-occupying that one overlooks researching the actual practicalities of goal acquisition.) Anyway...love your channel; thanks for all the work you put into it. Wasn't expecting to find a video on this subject here!
stan.store/MyPeoplePatterns
Download the workbook here stan.store/MyPeoplePatterns
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Well, now I watch your videos. You’re so wonderful for spreading this kind of information, please keep going 🫶
Thank you. 🙏
My son is 20, is he too old for this book? He's anti social.
Naw. Not the right thing for him.
Said a whole bunch of words with no actual meaning. Fuck outta here
More Emotional Communication Skills: czcams.com/video/Yrketg2O8tM/video.html
More structural family systems here: czcams.com/video/FQBgeIxcBQ4/video.html
New video on Bowen Family Therapy and Enmeshment : czcams.com/video/Uz-Nny8huR0/video.html
So what if you communicate how you feel qnd the person yells or gets upset is packing bags maniplulation to me its fed up..
It sounds like you would be in a relationship with someone who isn't interested in hearing how you feel, and you'd have to ask if that's the sort of partner you want to be with.
I watched and shared with a client asking for a resource on this topic. Thanks, Oliver!
No way! That’s so cool - I’ve not shared any of these with clients yet! 🙉🙈🙊
Very helpful, i am looking for The pdf. Thank you for all your Work!
try this link - stan.store/MyPeoplePatterns
More! More! More!
I wonder: can one have too much of self-differentiation? If one has perfectly separated their thoughts and feelings and self and other, and their other has no influence on their self, they would seem psychopathic. Beyond any impact of human emotions of shame or guilt which stem from what we think we did (or didn’t) to the other. I realize it’s a distant possibility but still. The perfectly self-differentiated would be psychopathic, wouldn’t they?
No, I don't think so. Shame and Guilt are feelings - which have evolved as ways to make us feel bad and to follow rules, to avoid rejection from society and tribe, which we need for protection. A differentiated person has a separated Self, and Other doesn't mean they are not influenced by them; it means they would listen to Others, think about what they said, notice their own emotional reaction, and then CHOOSE to act however they do (vs undifferentiated which is more reactive to what other people say). Psychopathic person would not have a very imbalanced SELF and other) and have very small feelings and probably lots of THOUGHTS ... crap, I might have to do a video for you on this.
@@drakeford299 also, are narcissists highly self-differentiated?
@@annaczarna2733 Highly differentiated people do not have psychopathology.
A fully differentiated person is like the most HEALTHY version of our self. If you believe in Jesus, we might wonder if he was all the way at the 100% and fully differentiated. 🤷♂️ Narcissists don’t have much of “Other” it’s all Self. They have difficulty accessing feelings. So all thoughts, No feels!
@@drakeford299 As a researcher, I appreciate your clinical insights. I'd gladly respond in an email.
I don’t understand what you mean by “micro-journalling” ?
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This happened to me. The other person never apologized when I communicated how their actions hurt me. In fact, they continued to shift blame to me because I pulled away after never hearing an apology.
Thank you!
Having all these good examples, helps a lot!
More? Yes please! I love your approach. The simplicity of the visual aids. Thank You.
Aw -thank you - so glad you're enjoying the way my weird brain works :)
@MyPeoplePatterns well, my brain most probably is weird as well cause I SO appreciate the way you present the concepts. In fact, your videos inspired the use of sliders in my vocal coaching work. It works so much better than flat either/or pass/fail language, and gives space for movement in increments. Your enthusiasm is contagious in the best way! Keep going. 😊
Exactly
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I found it very helpful to have real examples shown and explained so that I could hear/see/interpret what people are saying when they speak. I've seen several videos of SOFT explained, yet this really helped with understanding/application.
this is wonderful to read- thank you for sharing your thoughts! i am thrilled it found you ;)
Love this video - very helpful
How about if a person is neurodiverse and has difficulty with their own self-awareness and perspective-taking? Where does one then start to help build emotional intelligence and communication skills?
I think almost all the kids before the 80s were raised free range until the street lights came on. My parents were free range but i did a lot of dangerous things with heights when i was alone but nothing ever happened thank God. Gave me more confidence in myself and decisions, and knew how to talk to adults. Although i needed more help with homework and i didn't put hope into others doing things for me.