Jocko your recent podcasts have been helping me cope with my separation/break from my partner from 12 years. Not going to lie, it's difficult to love yourself when you go through something like this. Thank you.
6:48 Well said Echo. I never thought of it that way. Put in the thought; Systematically to help uplift the person. Remind me of the Teach a person to fish parable
Jordan Peterson has an analogy of trying to rescue a drowning buddy where he is kicking abd grabbing at you. At some point you gotta keep back and tell them to cooperate or your not gonna drown too
I love that analogy. He says it's how lifeguards are taught to act right? That technically they have to keep the panicked person at a distance by pushing them away with their foot, to keep from being pulled down too As someone from a family of massively anxious people, I keep that in mind a lot and it's saved me so much stress. Whenever I sense them getting too panicked, I keep them at a safe distance
@@TheHulksMistress at times they may even opt to knock the panicked person unconscious. There was a video on CZcams about this but it has been permabanned for violence.
Same here. I want to help but not to the point where I can’t anymore. My mother wants to take in more relative because I have job anyway and she said it’s my responsibility because they help raised me. I am not even stable financially. I constantly feel that I cant make decisions on my own. This is my fault because I didn’t set the boundary.
I’m on board with that statement. I try to get my roommates to train with me but nope they wanna be weak . they’re little and skinny not fat but out of shape. my 300 plus pound brother could run circles around them and he’s a older in his mid thirties . he’s not fat tho just big and strong.
@@rachaelchavez8766 even in states considered skinny population wise still thirty percent of adults r fat. not saying some fat aren’t in shape and really strong cause I moved furniture with one and honestly I wouldn’t want him on top of me beating my brains out. he was a freak of nature and had balance and just stupid strong. but yeah he’s not healthy. plus he smoked Malboro reds . like two packs a day and his girl worked at Waffle House of course so if the boss booked a job late at night we’d pull in there with the truck and eat there for free. if it wasn’t out of our way.
Man, I had to watch this several times to figure out what you guys were actually talking about. I’m an old man and my mind don’t work too good no more. However, based on my observations of people over the years, people always have “intentions” whenever they do anything. Those intentions are either “selfish” or “selfless”. The real question then becomes, “What are MY intentions when I offer or give somebody help?” I don’t think many people have been taught to ask themselves this question. Once you get your intentions right then your help will actually be help and the possibility of the other person “dragging you down with them” is diminished. Prime example, watch the next time you see a car accident. You’ll probably see a lot of people standing around watching. They’ll tell you they ran over to see what happened and if they could help. Their intent was “selfish”. They wanted to see what happened (same reason folks slow down on the freeway when there’s an accident). You’ll probably see maybe, one or two people actually helping. They’ll probably have a first-aid kit, a blanket or something. More often or not, they weren’t the first on scene. Their intent was “selfless”. They knew someone needed help, they gathered together what they needed to be able to help and then they did it. Same thing goes for when you help in any situation. Drug addict friend? Are you giving them money to help them or, so you can feel good about giving them money (and get them out of your hair). Or, do you give them “tough love” (tougher on you than them usually) and take those steps to get them the mental skills to be able to help themselves. This goes for everything in life. From spending quality times with your kids to earning the Medal of Honor. Selfless or Selfish intent. Heavy sht.
I’m addictive to helping people it has pulled me down. I wish they would preach this in church instead of always loving people better and being people pleaser. Saying yes or no is an ego thing for when I was trying to please everyone.
Sounds like your an empath. Look into it brother and learn to protect yourself from prowling narcissists that will take advantage of your addiction to helping people.
I carried a drug addict that had his own A901 permit holding garbage disposal operation for about two and half years and it always sucked; I had to earn a living. I don't live off of federal tax money ...
I got food stamps for groceries when I moved furniture even I was making good money. under the table so I didn’t have to report it. I’ll do whatever it takes. let these rich people who I moved do our job for half an hour 😂😜yeah right. they tipped us good tho cause their stuff is heavy .
I think when you mention "people who that's their thing" [to get overly involved in people's problems] - that may be "normal" for them, but I still don't think it's healthy. I believe that it results from a lack of boundaries which usually stems from CPTSD or childhood neglect/abuse. It's an extreme form of people pleasing and seeking validation through helping others. Wanting to help others is noble but it's only healthy when we are able to maintain healthy boundaries. If we get pulled down that means there was already a weakness/lack of boundaries preexisting. However, sometimes there are exceptions, where we get worn out over a long period of time or from an overload of stress, as with cases of professional burnout (mainly in medical, mental health and military professions).
In my opinion true help Is when you do something for someone with zero agenda for yourself. When an act is NOT done from guilt , obligation , or self reward. In my opinion we are not often taught healthy boundaries.
There are some people down on their luck thats for sure. There are also alot more people who given any help no matter the form that do not wish to alter their circumstances with effort from within. You give some the opportunity and if they are willing to consciously make the effort then you are more then likely helping anything less is enabling.
Some cultures are inherent codependent and raise individuals that feel obligated to put themselves out even when they don't have to and it's not good for them.
People who wants just to help people is their way to not deal with their own demons. It is easier to escape to this path than face it, and battle their own shadows.
I just figured that out with my Uncle who is an "heavy" Alcoholic. It's actually sad because he started it (what I think, but I might be also wrong) heavily couple of years before his actual retirement. He also chainsmokes like crazy. I told my Father straight to the face that his (uncle's) Dog is going to outlive him. Plus he's abusing Xanax since longer than I exist. He's also reaching for sympathy whenever he can, but no one really bites it.
It's like, there are real limitations, barring a miraculous intervention, real limitations in the universe BECAUSE the universe is perfect and works a certain way perfectly to itself as it does what it does to our minds....we need to get the people we might be trying to help to understand what the enemy is and define the enemy. It's almost become clique that "Ignorance is the enemy" but it's true...and therefore we cannot be ignorant to certain operating principles about how the universe works and try to gain a player for YOUR team, which is OUR team and is THE team...my door remains open to cooperation up to when it is impossible, because I have done all I can. Silence can also be quite awesome and beautiful. I usually end up discovering that there is a higher operating wisdom trying to ass me out of the picture for good reason. Sometimes it is best to focus on ourselves while leaving the door open to God. Some of us are highly motivated with or without God.
It's fairly simple, really... To quote an old friend of mine... "A dead hero doesn't save a god damn thing. He rots like the other corpses all over the damn ground!" ;o)
Great podcast , yes the ditch analogy of the "man", Upsani and Nis said to really help we have got to go to a place beyond needing help ! I get your point Jocko you mean victim-Persecutor -Rescuer T.A triad , that is addiction to helplessness - victim rather than helpless > vulnerable "real" . I think it is the innate fear , being human that induces us not just to build but to build and even luxuriate in our castles , so we build , platforms to make us feel secure and from that place we can be relatively helpful but if theses cave in ? It is a very tricky one , we are here in my opinion to use our skills our knowledge to grow as human beings and reach this "enlightenment" self actualized transcendence , but it is said a Bodhisattva refuses the final bliss untill all beings are brought to this point or level of insight ! Jesus died toured and pinned to a Cross( re who is the enemy podcast I watched late last night) , the vicious , hating , envious , brutal ? In us all and seen as the extreme in tyrants . But great advice , centering or stability is so important a functioning life and then form this reach out where and when it feels appropriate! Hence, my journey into therapy , analysis and spirituality , I just love your grounded approach very clear and cuts through intellectual over thinking . God bless R
"Give a starving person a fish & u feed him 1 meal. Teach him how to fish & u feed him (and hopefully others) for life." Give people the skills they need to survive & prosper with the addition they pay it forward.
I have noticed that once you Enable someone being a victim, they tend to always try to be a victim so that they can get your attention, is there anyway to get back to helping them and not enabling them?!
Giving money to homeless is 100% enabling them and reinforcing the same habits, the real help will be to talk to them and give them honest feedback. If they cant handle it then fuck it who cares, u cant keep feeling bad for people like this and thats exactly why people get dragged down too
I agree with Jocko about all the people who get a high from “saving” people when in reality they’re being enabling - I think it’s actually quite damaging.
I've been on both sides of the coin the five bucks helps but what works better is asking what is it exactly that you need the response will tell you everything👈😁🇺🇸
I help my people and they help me. u do what ya gotta do . I helped my uncle put up a fence and he gives me money and food . I can smoke weed there too . I don’t have a real job right now but I’m still up and about unlike my roommates. they’re playing Fornite and serving people my body supplement products 😂😜. they do it mobile tho . I’m not having a buncha people come over to buy my protein bars . plus I’m gonna grill some lamb racks for us tonight.
Jocko felt good for a few seconds after saying he'd give the homeless 5 bucks, then when homie broke it down, that 5 bucks is useless and probably contributed to just fueling their addiction/problems... Jocko feels bad man at the end..All learning though.
Macedonian families love each other . we all contribute as a team . that’s survival. lots of American families lost that because life got easier than back in the day . we come from poverty oppression and war . that’s why I get annoyed with “ Mexicans are lazy” yeah right. cleaning toilets at fast food restaurants and roofing houses? that makes no sense.
Zoned community beautification/sanitation teams for urban ca$h. Green that is. Possibly amnesty needle boxes. They know where the meth-type stuff comes from too. #OPcleanUP
that takes tax money dude. but I’m all for it. Europe at least the progressive parts like Switzerland started doing that and it’s doing well. that’s why they’re more educated. they don’t have schools with bullet holes and metal detectors in them .
@@crazymacedonianboi Switzerland is really rich because of the oil money and they have very low migrant minorities, it's a mostly white country so not very cosmopolitan
@@TommyMartinezpt my family immigrated here . this country was built by immigrants. u think we’re going to stay in Macedonia or anywhere around there if we can help it? maaan haha no way.
@@RaphaelBrooklyn718 check out my big fat kettlebell homie 😜. it’s awesome cause nobody ever guesses I’m that strong. that’s what moving furniture and training among other things has done for me. plus I was born with strong bones. that’s why I’m good at arm wrestling .
Why I don't take charity. I don't want charity given to me😤, cause you will not tell me what I can and can not put into my own body. For what I spend my Labour's on its for my souls satisfaction not your. whats sin to you is sin to you and I should temp you not where you see it as sin! All things are mine to use but not all things are good for me!
Where is the heart in the help? Why you're helping someone. Are you doing it for attention or because it is a very selfless fulfilment to see someone helped even if it is on an individualistic setting, and a one time thing to help a homeless man, verses fixing an entire system. Sometimes it's not about the systemic solution because there isn't a systemic solution for homelessness. Sometimes there's not even an individualistic solution. It really is a calling between two people and that moment to do good. The act in itself is a form of healing. The effort and selfless position can help yourself just by carrying out the deed and others around you even if they don't want that help or reject it. When you sow a seed it can be watered and grow. That has purpose, and that is the only doing we have control over in that help.
You can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Aptly put
Jocko your recent podcasts have been helping me cope with my separation/break from my partner from 12 years.
Not going to lie, it's difficult to love yourself when you go through something like this.
Thank you.
Amazing. Listening to Extreme Ownership and have the alarm set for 5am. Jocko is awesome
I'd do that...except I get home from work at 5am. 😰
@@viiiRA_ wake up at 5:30 then
Started working out hard 5 days a week and doing "active rest" on weekends because of Jacko
@AlwaysAdventurous302 I’ve been doing so for about 2 months
6:48 Well said Echo. I never thought of it that way. Put in the thought; Systematically to help uplift the person. Remind me of the Teach a person to fish parable
Jordan Peterson has an analogy of trying to rescue a drowning buddy where he is kicking abd grabbing at you. At some point you gotta keep back and tell them to cooperate or your not gonna drown too
I love that analogy. He says it's how lifeguards are taught to act right? That technically they have to keep the panicked person at a distance by pushing them away with their foot, to keep from being pulled down too
As someone from a family of massively anxious people, I keep that in mind a lot and it's saved me so much stress. Whenever I sense them getting too panicked, I keep them at a safe distance
@@TheHulksMistress at times they may even opt to knock the panicked person unconscious.
There was a video on CZcams about this but it has been permabanned for violence.
This is relevant to my life right now lol.
Me too. Should I stay or should I go...
Same here. I want to help but not to the point where I can’t anymore. My mother wants to take in more relative because I have job anyway and she said it’s my responsibility because they help raised me. I am not even stable financially. I constantly feel that I cant make decisions on my own. This is my fault because I didn’t set the boundary.
I agree, also in other cases, having body positivity or body acceptance movements enables people to be fat.
Haha bunch of fatties.lol
I’m on board with that statement. I try to get my roommates to train with me but nope they wanna be weak . they’re little and skinny not fat but out of shape. my 300 plus pound brother could run circles around them and he’s a older in his mid thirties . he’s not fat tho just big and strong.
@@rachaelchavez8766 even in states considered skinny population wise still thirty percent of adults r fat. not saying some fat aren’t in shape and really strong cause I moved furniture with one and honestly I wouldn’t want him on top of me beating my brains out. he was a freak of nature and had balance and just stupid strong. but yeah he’s not healthy. plus he smoked Malboro reds . like two packs a day and his girl worked at Waffle House of course so if the boss booked a job late at night we’d pull in there with the truck and eat there for free. if it wasn’t out of our way.
Man, I had to watch this several times to figure out what you guys were actually talking about. I’m an old man and my mind don’t work too good no more. However, based on my observations of people over the years, people always have “intentions” whenever they do anything. Those intentions are either “selfish” or “selfless”. The real question then becomes, “What are MY intentions when I offer or give somebody help?” I don’t think many people have been taught to ask themselves this question. Once you get your intentions right then your help will actually be help and the possibility of the other person “dragging you down with them” is diminished. Prime example, watch the next time you see a car accident. You’ll probably see a lot of people standing around watching. They’ll tell you they ran over to see what happened and if they could help. Their intent was “selfish”. They wanted to see what happened (same reason folks slow down on the freeway when there’s an accident). You’ll probably see maybe, one or two people actually helping. They’ll probably have a first-aid kit, a blanket or something. More often or not, they weren’t the first on scene. Their intent was “selfless”. They knew someone needed help, they gathered together what they needed to be able to help and then they did it. Same thing goes for when you help in any situation. Drug addict friend? Are you giving them money to help them or, so you can feel good about giving them money (and get them out of your hair). Or, do you give them “tough love” (tougher on you than them usually) and take those steps to get them the mental skills to be able to help themselves. This goes for everything in life. From spending quality times with your kids to earning the Medal of Honor. Selfless or Selfish intent. Heavy sht.
Well bloody spoken Pops. The wisdom is respected. Thanks.
Great points. Echo drove it home with systemic help. And putting thought into how and how much you should help someone. Good point echo Charles
Thank you very much!
I’m addictive to helping people it has pulled me down. I wish they would preach this in church instead of always loving people better and being people pleaser. Saying yes or no is an ego thing for when I was trying to please everyone.
Sounds like your an empath. Look into it brother and learn to protect yourself from prowling narcissists that will take advantage of your addiction to helping people.
Sounds like a good advice the Army told me the same thing early in my Training.
I carried a drug addict that had his own A901 permit holding garbage disposal operation for about two and half years and it always sucked; I had to earn a living. I don't live off of federal tax money ...
I got food stamps for groceries when I moved furniture even I was making good money. under the table so I didn’t have to report it. I’ll do whatever it takes. let these rich people who I moved do our job for half an hour 😂😜yeah right. they tipped us good tho cause their stuff is heavy .
Echo made a really good point here. Putting thought into helping someone on a systemic level >>> meaningless encouragement/temporary lifts.
Helping vs Enabling... very deep.
I think when you mention "people who that's their thing" [to get overly involved in people's problems] - that may be "normal" for them, but I still don't think it's healthy.
I believe that it results from a lack of boundaries which usually stems from CPTSD or childhood neglect/abuse.
It's an extreme form of people pleasing and seeking validation through helping others.
Wanting to help others is noble but it's only healthy when we are able to maintain healthy boundaries. If we get pulled down that means there was already a weakness/lack of boundaries preexisting.
However, sometimes there are exceptions, where we get worn out over a long period of time or from an overload of stress, as with cases of professional burnout (mainly in medical, mental health and military professions).
It’s up to the person that you’re trying to help to sustain that platform you helped them get
In my opinion true help
Is when you do something for someone with zero agenda for yourself. When an act is NOT done from guilt , obligation , or self reward.
In my opinion we are not often taught healthy boundaries.
Truth spoken!
There are some people down on their luck thats for sure. There are also alot more people who given any help no matter the form that do not wish to alter their circumstances with effort from within. You give some the opportunity and if they are willing to consciously make the effort then you are more then likely helping anything less is enabling.
Some cultures are inherent codependent and raise individuals that feel obligated to put themselves out even when they don't have to and it's not good for them.
More often than not if you give someone money for example your enabling them, but not helping
I agree with the logic of give a man a fish/teach a man to fish. But if the guy is dying just feed him. Then teach him.
Yes
People who wants just to help people is their way to not deal with their own demons. It is easier to escape to this path than face it, and battle their own shadows.
U gotta cut ppl off wen they take advantage n dont give back n just take
Insightful and critical. Thank you
Somebody once told me that you're 100% responsible for 50% of a relationship. Not exactly on topic but I found that comment helpful at the time.
I just figured that out with my Uncle who is an "heavy" Alcoholic. It's actually sad because he started it (what I think, but I might be also wrong) heavily couple of years before his actual retirement. He also chainsmokes like crazy. I told my Father straight to the face that his (uncle's) Dog is going to outlive him. Plus he's abusing Xanax since longer than I exist. He's also reaching for sympathy whenever he can, but no one really bites it.
Echo chill with the pen clicking.
It's like, there are real limitations, barring a miraculous intervention, real limitations in the universe BECAUSE the universe is perfect and works a certain way perfectly to itself as it does what it does to our minds....we need to get the people we might be trying to help to understand what the enemy is and define the enemy. It's almost become clique that "Ignorance is the enemy" but it's true...and therefore we cannot be ignorant to certain operating principles about how the universe works and try to gain a player for YOUR team, which is OUR team and is THE team...my door remains open to cooperation up to when it is impossible, because I have done all I can. Silence can also be quite awesome and beautiful. I usually end up discovering that there is a higher operating wisdom trying to ass me out of the picture for good reason. Sometimes it is best to focus on ourselves while leaving the door open to God. Some of us are highly motivated with or without God.
The universe doesn't usually fail people, the public school system does !
It's fairly simple, really... To quote an old friend of mine... "A dead hero doesn't save a god damn thing. He rots like the other corpses all over the damn ground!" ;o)
Great podcast , yes the ditch analogy of the "man", Upsani and Nis said to really help we have got to go to a place beyond needing help ! I get your point Jocko you mean victim-Persecutor -Rescuer T.A triad , that is addiction to helplessness - victim rather than helpless > vulnerable "real" .
I think it is the innate fear , being human that induces us not just to build but to build and even luxuriate in our castles , so we build , platforms to make us feel secure and from that place we can be relatively helpful but if theses cave in ?
It is a very tricky one , we are here in my opinion to use our skills our knowledge to grow as human beings and reach this "enlightenment" self actualized transcendence , but it is said a Bodhisattva refuses the final bliss untill all beings are brought to this point or level of insight ! Jesus died toured and pinned to a Cross( re who is the enemy podcast I watched late last night) , the vicious , hating , envious , brutal ? In us all and seen as the extreme in tyrants .
But great advice , centering or stability is so important a functioning life and then form this reach out where and when it feels appropriate! Hence, my journey into therapy , analysis and spirituality , I just love your grounded approach very clear and cuts through intellectual over thinking .
God bless R
Boom
Check out my CZcams videos
"Give a starving person a fish & u feed him 1 meal. Teach him how to fish & u feed him (and hopefully others) for life." Give people the skills they need to survive & prosper with the addition they pay it forward.
I think you should enable an individuals mind to advance and make progress through life.
I have noticed that once you Enable someone being a victim, they tend to always try to be a victim so that they can get your attention, is there anyway to get back to helping them and not enabling them?!
Giving money to homeless is 100% enabling them and reinforcing the same habits, the real help will be to talk to them and give them honest feedback. If they cant handle it then fuck it who cares, u cant keep feeling bad for people like this and thats exactly why people get dragged down too
An insight jocko should have, being a former soldier.
Tough topic..well said. .best wishes from another youtuber 🤘🔥🤘🔥
Could someone please show this video to politicians
I agree with Jocko about all the people who get a high from “saving” people when in reality they’re being enabling - I think it’s actually quite damaging.
I used want to be a hero. Then reality taught me the hard lesson of you can't help those who don't want to help themselves.
Righteous
Lacking. no explosions
I've been on both sides of the coin the five bucks helps but what works better is asking what is it exactly that you need the response will tell you everything👈😁🇺🇸
More insight.
Top men
click*click*click
good times haha
THX
💙❤🇺🇸💚I'm here, Sir and Sir🇺🇸💙❤Period 🇺🇸💚T.PO🇺🇸🔤💙YHUP!!❤
Some people keep score, some people dont
I help my people and they help me. u do what ya gotta do . I helped my uncle put up a fence and he gives me money and food . I can smoke weed there too . I don’t have a real job right now but I’m still up and about unlike my roommates. they’re playing Fornite and serving people my body supplement products 😂😜. they do it mobile tho . I’m not having a buncha people come over to buy my protein bars . plus I’m gonna grill some lamb racks for us tonight.
Jocko felt good for a few seconds after saying he'd give the homeless 5 bucks, then when homie broke it down, that 5 bucks is useless and probably contributed to just fueling their addiction/problems... Jocko feels bad man at the end..All learning though.
If we don't protect our time and energy, then other people will waste our time and energy.
The guy at the corner needs more money in rehab then you might ever make in your lifetime !
Echo was making shit up on the fly. I want my $5 from echo
Second
Check out my CZcams videos
Macedonian families love each other . we all contribute as a team . that’s survival. lots of American families lost that because life got easier than back in the day . we come from poverty oppression and war . that’s why I get annoyed with “ Mexicans are lazy” yeah right. cleaning toilets at fast food restaurants and roofing houses? that makes no sense.
Alms for a former leper....
Leave the pen alone..
Zoned community beautification/sanitation teams for urban ca$h. Green that is. Possibly amnesty needle boxes. They know where the meth-type stuff comes from too. #OPcleanUP
show me what you can do, then I help a little, then show me again. But help a man learn to fish.
Think the guy talking to jocko may have more wisdom.
i wanted to grab that pen and throw it
Yhea, wellfare is enabling, people need programs to teach them how to be an active member of society.
that takes tax money dude. but I’m all for it. Europe at least the progressive parts like Switzerland started doing that and it’s doing well. that’s why they’re more educated. they don’t have schools with bullet holes and metal detectors in them .
@@crazymacedonianboi Switzerland is really rich because of the oil money and they have very low migrant minorities, it's a mostly white country so not very cosmopolitan
@@TommyMartinezpt no they’re rich because they actually care and oil . unlike here rich people pay their share.
@@TommyMartinezpt my family immigrated here . this country was built by immigrants. u think we’re going to stay in Macedonia or anywhere around there if we can help it? maaan haha no way.
@@TommyMartinezpt schools with metal detectors. guns but horrible primary education. bad combination.
Ecco can’t read 🤣🤣
Check out my CZcams videos
@@RaphaelBrooklyn718 check out my big fat kettlebell homie 😜. it’s awesome cause nobody ever guesses I’m that strong. that’s what moving furniture and training among other things has done for me. plus I was born with strong bones. that’s why I’m good at arm wrestling .
@@RaphaelBrooklyn718 but I just upload for fun. deleted most of them but uploading my lamb rack grilling skills tonight. to make people hungry .
@@crazymacedonianboi kool kid check out my CZcams videos 📹 thanks
@@RaphaelBrooklyn718 I know I’m cool dawg😂😜
Why I don't take charity. I don't want charity given to me😤, cause you will not tell me what I can and can not put into my own body.
For what I spend my Labour's on its for my souls satisfaction not your.
whats sin to you is sin to you and I should temp you not where you see it as sin!
All things are mine to use but not all things are good for me!
Where is the heart in the help? Why you're helping someone. Are you doing it for attention or because it is a very selfless fulfilment to see someone helped even if it is on an individualistic setting, and a one time thing to help a homeless man, verses fixing an entire system. Sometimes it's not about the systemic solution because there isn't a systemic solution for homelessness. Sometimes there's not even an individualistic solution. It really is a calling between two people and that moment to do good. The act in itself is a form of healing. The effort and selfless position can help yourself just by carrying out the deed and others around you even if they don't want that help or reject it. When you sow a seed it can be watered and grow. That has purpose, and that is the only doing we have control over in that help.
Ok echo sometimes you should talk less and listen more!