Helping your Child Regulate Emotions
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- čas přidán 25. 08. 2015
- www.cornerstoneclinic.ca - Want to learn how to Help your Child Regulate distressing Emotions? Then watch this video by Halifax Psychologist, Brad Peters.
Emotional regulation means that a person can subjectively tolerate distressing emotion (for example: fear, sadness, guilt, or anger), without being flooded or incapacitated by the feeling, or having to disconnect from it, by way of distraction, dissociation or intellectualization.
Children that are unable to effectively regulate emotion tend to suffer from temper tantrums, emotional meltdowns, or they’ll be excessively rigid, avoidant, or anxious about emotional vulnerability or expression … they may also experience difficulty connecting deeply to others or seeking them out for emotional support, which is an important part of psychological resilience.
A child’s capacity for emotional regulation is largely dependent on how parents habitually respond to a child in emotional distress. You might check-out my video on attachment to get a deeper understanding of why that is.
Here are some guidelines for parents on how to respond to a child who is upset - first, by suggesting some things you generally want to avoid:
Monitor your own emotional reaction and don't allow yourself to be frustrated, angry, anxious, or overwhelmed.
Avoid dismissing their child’s feelings through rationalization. For example, saying “it’s not that bad,” “other kids have it far worse,” or “there’s no reason for you to feel that way.”
A final response that you generally want to avoid, at least initially, is one that appeals to rational problem-solving or advice-giving.
Okay, having listed some of the things to avoid doing, what is the appropriate way to respond to a child in emotional distress?
First, your nonverbal communication should generally convey concern, interest, and empathy.
The second thing that you want to do is ensure that you express verbal validation. Sometimes this just comes from asking questions: “when did you start to feel that way?” “how long has it been?” “is it always that bad?” “what else do you feel about it?”
Remember that no parent is perfect and that every parent has moments when they get frustrated or respond inappropriately. The important thing is to catch it as much as you can and repair the relationship if you suspect that you’ve done something wrong; of course this is also good modelling - teaching your kid that we all make mistakes and can unintentionally hurt the people we care about. If you struggle with empathizing or regulating your own feelings - don’t beat up on yourself; recognize that there is probably for good reason for you to have some difficulty here, though it’s now your responsibility to do something about it so your own kids don’t have to struggle with similar issues.
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My parents dismissed our feelings. It was awful. I was left with all these overwhelming emotions. Whew. Thank God I found books and resources to heal.
Been having a challenging time at home with my 9 year old and I really appreciate a different perspective on handling these situations. I didn’t grow up in a very emotionally intelligent household, and emotional regulation wasn’t something that was demonstrated to me growing up. This was super helpful and a great start to building a stronger foundation of trust and understanding with my kids.
That was me as a young little baby and child. And of course it's spilled over that Primal Rage all the way into my adult ears hidden deep deep deep inside the core of my soul rearing its ugly head when my mother did certain things are said certain things and treated me terribly. I had to learn how to regulate my emotions. And it took me all the way to college and into obtaining a master's degree in counseling psychology. This is what saved me and helped me learn how to raise my only child my son who is fantastic today. Emotional regulation should be taught in kindergarten and throughout all the formative years into middle school and high school. It should be a mandatory class four children there should be a psychologist who teaches this course or therapist.
Really great video. As someone who was not shown emotional regulation as a child, I can attest to long term difficulties in life. Thankfully as an adult I have the capacity to re-examine what I was taught growing up and learn a new ways forward. It’s hard work, but worth it.
I’m a kid watching this and it helped me a little thank you I’m depressed
Man, it’s going to take a lot out of me to practice what you preach!
This is so helpful. I have 2 girls w emotional issues. One anxiety/depression and the other ADHD
Children should also be given a period in their carriculam to enhance their EQ (emotional quotient) to handle stress, emotions, peer pressure, conflicts, thoughts, feelings etc. by an educated faculty who can deal with these topics.🙂🙏
Very clear! I get sad by everything that brakes I feel bad for small things
I’m a new mum and this is very constructive and reassuring to move forward with :) thanks
I'm so glad I came across this video. Thank you for the valuable information!!
Thank you SOOOOOOOO MUCH for this information because we tend, as parents, to gloss over the impact that we have on our children!!!!!!
Great video. Will help with my day to day parenting/life, thank you!
I’m hearing this loud and clear. Thank you
stellar video. It is amazing the progress with my clients with this in my awareness
Thank you for this content. This is what I wished for from my parents as a child. But I will try to do this with children I meet in my life and hopefully that will make a small impact in their lives so they know they are worthy of love.
So nicely put.I do lots of attachment work with families and your words totally reinforce my framework...thank you!
Specific and to the point. Thank you for this video. It's very helpful.
Thanks for this video I am a new Children's Life Coach with a focus on children with long term illnesses (sickle cell disease). This is very helpful.