Video není dostupné.
Omlouváme se.
5 Signs you are actually scared of men | HealingFa.com
Vložit
- čas přidán 16. 08. 2024
- I was scared of men for a long period of my life, and I didn't even realize it. This might be the same for you! Therefore, I wanted to share five signs with you that might indicate you are actually scared of men. Disclaimer: This list is written from a straight female perspective, but if you identify differently, please let me know in the comments if this is different or familiar to you. I would love to hear from you!
=============================
The Healed and Happy program is now OPEN. Join The Healed and Happy Program at:
healingthefear...
Learn how to heal your fearful avoidant attachment style and:
- Transform your life
- Feel better, calmer, happier
- Create deep and lasting relationships and connections
Sign up for the Healed and Happy Course and heal your Fearful Avoidant attachment style : healingthefear...
--- Contents --
00:00 Intro
03:03 You are attracted to tension
07:04 You are scared to be yourself
08:42 You make yourself smaller & weaker
09:32 You are always looking for clues
10:33 You adapt yourself to their vision
12:26 When I stopped being scared of men
14:23 Outro
Sign up for the FREE 3-day course:
The Basics of Healing the Fearful Avoidant attachment style at www.healingfa.com
Video Title: 5 Signs you are actually scared of men
This video is about: 5 Signs you are actually scared of men, but It also covers the following topics:
Fearful avoidant
Daddy issues
Healing from controlling parents
🔔Subscribe for in-depth insights and guidance on the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style, finding inner peace, emotional freedom, and healthy relationships that you are genuinely happy in
✅ Stay Connected With Me.
👉Facebook: / healingthefearfulavoidant
👉Instagram: / healingthefearfulavoidant
✅ For Business Inquiries: hello@healingthefearfulavoidant.com
=============================
✅ Recommended Playlists
👉 Healing fearful avoidant attachment style
• Overcoming Fearful Avo...
👉The basics of the fearful avoidant attachment style
• Fearful Avoidant Attac...
✅ Other Videos You Might Be Interested In Watching:
👉 What 'Present Moment Magic' is and how to get their
• Unlock Present Moment ...
👉3 Reasons why you keep attracting the same kind of partners
• Breaking The Cycle: 3 ...
👉The Vulnerability Hangover - 5 Reasons why you pull back after being vulnerable
• Overcoming The Vulnera...
👉3 Taylor Swift lyrics that show fearful avoidant signs
• 3 Taylor Swift lyrics ...
👉4 Reasons why Fearful Avoidants make amazing partners
• Fearful Avoidants: 4 R...
=============================
✅ About Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful-avoidant.
The way you feel right now is not the way you are. If you want more freedom, calm, love, and peace in your head, body, and life, it is possible. You are not too broken.
After spending 14 years healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, I am beyond passionate and dedicated to getting you to where I am now: living a life true to myself, waking up feeling rested and peaceful. Deeply in love with my husband and looking forward to the future. This is what life is supposed to be like, and it is my honor to help you get there.
In the past 7 years, I have guided over 2000 people through my Dutch programs (I am from the Netherlands), to a secure attachment and happy relationship. Over the past year and a half, another 150 beautiful people have been through the English program Healed&Happy. I love seeing how lives can change within three months, and how NORMAL it can feel to have a secure attachment. I wish you so much joy, pleasure, and love.
For Collaboration and Business inquiries, please use the contact information below:
📩 Email: hello@healingthefearfulavoidant.com
🔔Subscribe for in-depth insights and guidance on the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style, finding inner peace, emotional freedom, and healthy relationships that you are genuinely happy in':bit.ly/3p6Sqsu
=================================
#fearfulavoidant #attachmentstyles #personaldevelopment
Disclaimer: We do not accept any liability for any loss or damage incurred from you acting or not acting as a result of watching any of my publications. You acknowledge that you use the information I provide at your own risk. Do your research.
Copyright Notice: This video and my CZcams channel contain dialog, music, and images that are the property of Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful-avoidant. You are authorized to share the video link and channel and embed this video in your website or others as long as a link back to my CZcams Channel is provided.
© Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful-avoidant
Yes I’ve been scared of men my whole life I never was able to make male friendships growing up and it wasn’t until my 30s that I had my first boyfriend and married him because he felt so safe but it didn’t heal this attachment style and now I have to try and heal it so I don’t tank my marriage.
I am a heterosexual female been married 27 years to a man that is completely opposite of my dad. My dad was emotionally and physically unavailable and hot tempered, would embarrass us and shamed us often (3 sisters no brothers), I joined the military to “prove” I was strong to myself and him I guess and was an A-10 mechanic. All male coworkers, I was the only female. I know I was trying to earn their respect by working harder, and I would never party or hang out with any of them outside of work. I met my husband who was ground crew in another squadron. He was SO different from all the men I knew, I actually thought he was gay for a while.
Anyway, he is a lot like your hubby sounds. He has helped me heal that attachment trauma by listening to my childhood stories and validating them and we have 2 beautiful daughters that he has been incredible with who are now married to 2 AMAZING men. There is hope! The cycle can be broken…. It requires safe healthy partners. Thank you for all the great videos!!!
I am scared of men and women in different ways.
For women it always comes down to being afraid of getting hurt by not being told the truth. I fear of living a lie because they think I cannot handle their truth. Which actually leaves me feeling controlled, because my choice and option for putting up boundaries gets taken away.
With men, I tend to feel afraid of entrusting them with my authenticity. I tend to feel judged prematurely, and actually am the one who judges them. My body tenses up and expects the blow of judgement and being a disappointment.
These are processes that used to be very prevalent, but are way better now. Not fully healed yet unfortunately, but I am slowly learning to enjoy people and life again.
I write this from a straight male perspective. I'm really glad that she pointed out the strange cognitive dissonance between feeling attraction towards the men that you feel tension towards. As a man, I'm getting a mixed message from society right now, that (1) I should not be intimidating, controlling, nor dominant (good, because I never wanted to be that in the first place) but also (2) I'll be alone forever if I don't "Be a Man" (which means to be intimidating, controlling, and dominant.) It doesn't make sense to me.
Perhaps the same struggle I feel (how to navigate my place in the world as a man) is the equivalent and opposite struggle that women feel.
In the past, I've dialed up my "Man" attributes beyond what I think is good and helpful, because damn! it feels good in the moment to just lay down the law and get the respect I deserve. But I think I was just playing into society's expectations that a *man must be feared in order to be respected*. And when I think about that thought consciously, I despise it. As a man, why can't I be kind, gentle, generous, playful, silly, loving, nurturing, etc. and also be respected?
I hope this comment is NOT interpreted as assigning blame to women and deepening the divide between us. I'm just working this crap out for myself, and maybe somebody else would benefit it I did it publicly.
thanks for sharing your perspective.
Outside of America, you can find that the only people who are actually respected are kind and generous, good people. Through history, those who reigned on terror were never respected. They were hated and overtime, dethroned or killed. Nobody likes someone they fear as fear is not a good emotion, but they may ibey the scary big man as that scary big man can hurt them bad. Respect is different, it is hard to earn.
Just so you know sir, right now you have earned my respect.
@@amusicalinstrument9745 Thank you so much for this comment. It goes so far, and I am grateful. You see the obvious - I'm indeed a resident of the US, in the middle of medium-town Iowa, right in the thick of Trump country. It might be an anomaly to the rest of the world - but heck, it's all I know!
I will take your words to heart. All the respect right back atcha.
I relate to this so much. I am afraid of men. I am 27 now. I am very close to my father and was always a bit of a daddy's girl but there is no denying that it was very difficult with him when me and my brother were young. It would break his heart if I said this to him and deep down i think he knows how much it affected us (maybe not how it still affects us ..) My father had a very hot temper and would be set off by very minor things. He would be completely normal one minute and then fly off the handle the next and for a small chill (or teenager) it was terrifying. You just didn't know what he was going to do in that state of rage and it happened regularly. I spent my childhood walking on eggshells and it has for SURE affected the way I relate to men as an adult unfortunately.
It took me an insanely long time to realize how terrified I was of men. It's weird because I was always terrified of my dad, and he actually disowned me when I was 15 which set me back quite a bit. Like you I always enjoyed talking to men and spending time with them, but when it came to being attracted to them I would always be drawn to unavaible guys, I guess because it was safer.
I'm nowhere near recovered but at least I'm self-aware?
I'm a lesbian and grew up without a dad. However, I was always intrigued by men, looking up to them as almost a father figure or authoritative figure even if we were the same age. They were often intimidating & rude to me unless they wanted something. Their tone of voice, when they're expressive makes me afraid because sometimes they take up space & feel like there's no room for anyone else. I'd like to like men, even as friends but don't desire it at all :/. Their gender has a bad rep & there’s no smoke without fire. Wish it wasn't this way
If I feel tension when knowing/ talking to a man, I take a step back, litteraly take physical space and don't want to have any type relationship...I need to feel a safety energy.
But I relate to not being my real self, to adapt
Yes, very scared of men. I was scared and ashamed of my father.
me too. you expressed my feelings exactly.
Omg, i never realized this is what i was experiencing. I used to work with a guy and initially there was that tension you described and i had a major crush on him. I didn't act on it but i expected it would naturally be reciprocated. When it was not, it was like a switch got turned off and suddenly i had strong feelings of dislike for him. Now i realise it was almost a dynamic i had with my father where he wasn't around much and qhen he was i felt ignored and unseen by him. There was always a tension because he was strict and i was scared of him
In my relationships I was always tense and people pleasing. The thing about not being yourself and adapting to somebody's vision of you is something I can definitely relate to. Sometimes I had the same values with my boyfriend but there were like "different levels of growth", like he had figured out a lot more in some areas than I had, and I wanted to be in the same place. I couldn't be myself and be equal with him, I thought I need to be like him to be equal. Also I've noticed in my previous relationship, that with no sexual trauma (or at least no big T, idk) I'm really looking out for signs that someone might hurt me physically and sexually and I have no idea where's that coming from. Maybe It's the case of not having clear boundaries. But yes, I think I am scared of man
This is interesting in the fact of the common things and different thing we have. I had a mother with a hair trigger temper, and did have some manipulation tactics. I did not really have a father at all throughout my life. When I was younger I was drawn to women easier for me, but I think that was due to the caregiver and pleaser in me. I did have a boss a few years back that had similar traits to my mother so I put up with the abuse for so long before ultimately resigning. Your videos do help some of feel not as alone in our thoughts and feelings.
Ahhhh omg, I have never heard anyone say how I’ve been feeling for most of my life. I can like cognitively understand a lot of it, but it doesn’t ever resonate? But hearing it said back to me was so impactful. Thank you ❤
Thank you for your specificity. You're adding a more advanced level of awareness in these videos you're doing. Thank you!
Hard to change. The statement "not all men are bad" is the same as "the true colour of the sky is black"
you know it is true, both statements are but your experience with men and your experience with seeing a blue sky is what makes your brain 'not believe it'.
When asked what colour is the sky, the first word in your mind would be blue.
I mean… why would’t I? They are dangerous…
This is interesting, I like the point you made about the father figure as the attachments we make as adults often reflect our childhood trauma. It's interesting, and healthy, that you went against this in your current partner, proof then as to how this attitude gives better outcomes. You are amoung the few that has tackled this topic, great stuff 😊
it is true. if you don't feel safe around your father, you are likely to grow up feeling unsafe around other men. Similarly if your mother was never a safe space for you, women in general are going to be harder to feel safe around.
I've always known this but let's watch the video anyway 🙈
I'd like to offer my two-cents (possibly controversial, but valid if we want to understand behaviour and motivation).
You mentioned this relating to heterosexual women, but this actually seems more common in Bisexual women.
Also things like "Polyamory" as a means of avoiding intimacy or preempting abandonment.
There have been studies showing that endocrine regulation throughout development, can be responsible for sexuality and how it develops.
Unstable envrironments can increase cortisol and stress.
This can speed-up development and change hormone levels (women develop faster when a Step-Dad is introduced for instance).
Unstable home-life, combined with male-figures that harm or betray the trust of a young-woman, seem to be directly linked to increased sexual-fluidity in women.
They find intimacy and comfort in half-in/half-out, quasi relationships with same sex partners, and often date men that are unavailable, if and when they do.
This is not always the case, but it's a pattern that occurs, and as I said, there have been studies done on stress, endocrine disruption, trauma and female sexual-fluidity.
This is very interesting. I'd love to know more about this. Could you possibly give links?
I grew up in a volatile household and was emotionally neglected. I started puberty at 7, turning 8. I was one of the first girls in my class to enter puberty. It was scary for me because it was totally unexpected. I thought I was sick.
@@bbv5490 I'm sorry to hear you went through that.
It's become more common and can be scary.
You are not alone, and I hope you are doing well now.
I can't send links because CZcams blocks them, but I will send the study titles and you can look them up for yourself:
Early Puberty:
-Family Structure and Age at Menarche: A Children-of-Twins Approach
-Psychosocial Antecedents of Variation in Girls' Pubertal Timing: Maternal Depression, Stepfather Presence, and Marital and Family Stress
Sexual Orientation:
-Prenatal endocrine influences on sexual orientation and on sexually differentiated childhood behaviour
-Pediatric stress: hormonal mediators and human development
-Sexual hormones and the brain: an essential alliance for sexual identity and sexual orientation
- Prenatal hormones and sexual orientation (this is the Wikipedia page -- scroll to the "Prenatal maternal stress" portion, which reads: "Studies do suggest that prenatal stress significantly increases the likelihood of homosexuality or bisexuality, although varying evidence exists for which trimester is more important.")
@@june29378 It likely depends on the trimester at which the disruption occurs, the amount of disruption, and the genetic profile of the person.
It's one of the main factors, but not the only factor.
Because there are straight women with endocrine disorders, does not mean that endocrine disruption is not a main causal factor.
The way to falsify whether it is linked to trimester of disruption, would be to see whether there is a higher than average rate of same-sex attraction in women with these disorders.
If not, then to find the average age at which these disorders become more of an issue and look at ages before that (likely key developmental stages).
My sister has mild PCOS.
Symptoms typically become evident after puberty, but there also is a higher average rate of same-sex attraction among women with this disorder:
"One study found that women with PCOS may have different sexual orientations depending on their BMI, but that androgen-related characteristics may not be strongly associated with sexual orientation. Another study found that PCOS women reported trends toward a bisexual orientation and changing their sex orientation more often than controls. A third study found that 38% of 618 women with PCOS identified as lesbians, and that there may be a correlation between PCOS and queerness."
So one study showed that nearly half of the women with the syndrome, have a same sex preference.
Thank-you for bringing this to my attention.
It gives further evidence to the theory.