Video není dostupné.
Omlouváme se.
Why Autistic People NEED To Try New Things
Vložit
- čas přidán 15. 08. 2024
- Do you find it difficult to try new things? Autistic people tend to like to find what works for them but then end up sticking with it and not wanting to try new things. In this video, I will go over why I don’t like trying new things, its consequences, and what we can do about it.
🎞️Timestamps:
0:00 - Intro
0:38 - Sticking with a routine
1:15 - Why I don’t try new things
1:26 - Negative consequences of trying new things
5:24 - Negative consequences of NOT trying new things
9:08 - Solution
-----------------------------------------------
👋Welcome to Autism From The Inside!!!
If you're autistic or think you or someone you love might be on the autism spectrum, this channel is for you!
I'm Paul Micallef, and I discovered my own autism at age 30.
Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this channel in the first place because if I didn't show you, you would never know.
Autism affects many (if not all!) aspects of our lives, so on this channel, I want to show you what Autism looks like in real people and give you some insight into what's happening for us on the inside. We'll break down myths and misconceptions, discuss how to embrace autism and live well, and share what it's like to be an autistic person.
Join me as I share what I've found along my journey, so you don't have to learn it the hard way.
Make sure to subscribe so you won’t miss my new video every Friday and some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
➡️️ / @autismfromtheinside
👋Connect with me:
➡️️Patreon: / aspergersfromtheinside
➡️️Facebook: / aspergersfromtheinside
➡️️Twitter: / aspiefrominside
➡️️Written Blog: aspergersfromt...
➡️️Email: aspergersfromtheinside@gmail.com
Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy my channel!
Peace,
~ Paul
#autism #asd #autismawareness
We do but slowly to prevent being overwhelmed.
Yes true
Agreed
Yes! Exactly
I do that
Makes total sense. I think for example with the hoodie or sweatshirt example, if you once in a while, every two weeks or something, go to a shop that could potentially have what you’re looking for and pick one or two colors that you like and try them on. No pressure, no need to buy necessarily, just saying hello, could you perhaps suit me? That way the experience of shopping perhaps will feel more familiar and easier to do. And maybe you’ll be surprised and easily find something that you’d like to have in your wardrobe!
This video is exactly what I've been working on with my therapist for the past year. What also helps is reminding myself that if I try something and I don't like it, I don't have to keep making myself do it. :)
I'm jealous you have a therapist
This is a problem for society as a whole. "Fossil fuels work perfectly well for me, why should I look around for a better energy supply?"
Probably because for most people there isn't a better energy supply or if there is, it's unaffordable? This is a technological problem that can only be solved by a special few in science and industry. I will by an electric car when I can afford one.
@@toby9999 Nuclear power and later nuclear fusion are probably the future.
Well how society gets it's energy, and looking for energy sources is a complicated subject. I agree with your premise, but I think it's even much harder for autistic people on an individual level. I see this in myself, having to push myself to do it and even with already existing hobbies it's sometimes hard.
Btw, fossil fuels are pretty good energy sources. They're cheap, reliable and productive.
@@toby9999 agreed, unless you're gonna go nuclear you can't beat the energy density of the carbonated energies.
What an incredibly unsophisticated perspective.
My grandfather used to tell his mom, "but Mama, you know I don't like anything I haven't tried before." He is almost 91 and is still very much the same way now. We think that he is on the autism spectrum, but he doesn't care about if he is or not.
I will try new things, but I need it to be on my terms. I need warning about changes in my life/routine before they happen. My mom and my brother are much more flexible about those things than I am, but they are not autistic and I am.
I hear your grandfather, Kelly. Most of the people in my family are highly suspicious of the labels. We've learned we need to be considerate of other people's idiosyncrasies regardless of what they're called. And to respect differences.
To be fair, people do get more conservative with age.
At age 90, the majority of people aren't too open to new experiences.
It even makes sense from an algorithmic point of view:
The older you are, the less likely you are to benefit within your remaining life from trying something new.
Especially assuming you kept optimizing to some degree throughout your life.
My grandfather said that phrase to my great-grandmother when he was a little boy in the 1930s. His mentality hasn't changed much over the course of his life. He has lived on the same piece of property for almost 60 years and plans on dying there (eventually). He wears the same style of clothes as he wore when he worked 30 or more years ago.
@@TheKjoy85 I like your grandfather! He sounds like such an island of stability in todays world. I'm sure that there are time he is hard to deal with, but if we're totally honest... there are times when ALL of us are hard to deal with for one reason or another.
@@Judymontel I adore my grandfather. My family has always been really accepting and supportive of my needs even before a diagnosis.
I have always had problems with change. When I first moved to a college campus, I found the first meal I ordered in the cafeteria was the one I wanted to eat all the time after then. I was so reluctant to try new foods.
I love trying new things that INTEREST ME. I absolutely HATE being forced into new things. Most of my life is "preplanned" and I have "expectations" for certain things and it is always more comfortable to stick to what I know. That doesnt mean I dont get curious of new things sometimes though.
I totally agree, the key to trying new things is to adjust your expectations ahead of time so you can handle the unpleasant attempts. Having both autism and ADHD I am decent at finding new ways to approach the things I'm already comfortable with, but I really struggle with anything completely new. Over the years I have found myself being a hermit simply because it takes so much effort to engage in new things outside the house, but I am slowly trying to take those small steps to expand my comfort zone.
I am in the same position, burnt out and staying indoors, but want to get out more. How did you go?
Out of all of your videos, this one hits me 100%. I seriously need to lighten up and try different things. For instance, I've worn the same exact boots for almost 10 years. I've been through three pairs. The last pair I had to hunt down. They're not made any more. Don't get me started on dating. LOL Keep the videos coming.
Same lol, and I've been the only woman I know who will keep wearing only one pair of shoes for years til they're unusable. I'm trying to own more than one pair now 😆
Now that I’m an adult, I’ve taken to when I find an article of clothing that really works for me and that I’m happy with, I will immediately go out and buy 5-10 of the same thing so that as it wears out, I have other backups I can go to. If I find one being discontinued, I will also buy a large quantity unless I’ve already identified a likely replacement. And even then, sometimes I’ll still buy a few because I want to have them as an option for a while.
@@AshChiCupcak I'm like that with jeans now. Shoes... I have 8 pairs
My sister does this. If she finds a pair of shoes she likes, she buys like 6 pairs and keeps them all in boxes in the cupboard
I mean, that sounds great 😅
Before you start reading, I’d like to preface this by saying welcome to my TedTalk.
I am not as averse to change as most autistic people, but I have my problems. It can be as simple as being reluctant to try a new food because I might not like the texture.
However, the biggest problem with change has always been the jarring transition between summer break and school starting again. I found that it would take a longer time for my academic performance to gain momentum than my NT peers.
High school was especially tough because we had to juggle loads of work with very little room for transition time (as you have talked about in another video).
Through my introspection and meditation I’ve had two thoughts that helped me with this problem: One, have more creative endeavors, and strengthen your “scientist mentality”.
With creativity, especially “stream of consciousness” writing, it allows you to go where your thoughts take you. Thus, I apply the same mentality to help me roll with the changes of life.
The “scientist mentality” I was talking about basically says if there is a problem in the system that I’m using, try a new solution.
Lately I’ve been exploring multiple intellectual ideas, trying new foods, discovering music artists I haven’t heard before, and much more.
As a final word, embrace the entropy, y’all!
"Embrace the entropy" is exactly the attitude I've been thinking about cultivating!
I don't have a problem with trying new things - I struggle with maintaining things and letting go of things. Because of entropy, everything is falling into disrepair and disarray. It takes constant work to swim against the tide of entropy.
I love your honesty. Rejection and not fitting in and being judged is a constant happening. My spinal and arthritis is hidden and the ignorance around that causes me anger. And overwhelms. Society disabled us.
I'm not autistic but I have an anxiety disorder and I identify with a lot of what you said. It's important to find the balance between the comfort of what you already know while still acknowledging that you have to try something new from time to time. Because sometimes new experiences turn out to be amazing.
This corresponds to my life of trying new jobs over and over again, and nothing is even bearable for me for more than a few months because of noise, too many social interactions etc. it takes me like a year after every job to brush myself off and force myself to try again, because I don’t like to try things that I know there is a big risk of it being really uncomfortable for me, of course. Anyone been in a similar situation? Autism and adhd paired with physical illness is… a lot of pain 😩.. thanks for the video, I like the scientific approach, it speaks to me! Science can be comforting.
@Christine : i guess, i know what you are talking about. For me it has been years before i quit the jobs, but every time there has been a long lasting and bad experience before. Good jobs seem to be rare for people with Aspergers and adhd and specific physical conditions that don't allow physical work. Adhd makes it a bit difficult to try 99 jobs (or even to apply that often)! But perhaps it's worth to do so?
This is a great video on an issue that I find blocks me time and again.I keep getting stuck because, as you say, I feel that if something is worthwhile it is worth repeating. Mostly this is true. Your advice reminds me of my days in art school. We each had a working space and I allocated one corner for experiments and chancy ideas. Sometimes the corner would yield only failed attempts but sometimes it would deliver something that altered my work. After watching your video I am thinking that I might reinstate the chancy corner. I have a broad and deep shelf in the corner of my lounge and that will be where items of clothing can appear or new appliances. I have tended to reach periods of stasis and then there is sameness for a very long time. I have a friend who prods me to try new things, and I must admit that without their input I would be stuck most of the time. A chancy corner seems right for me. I should mention that I have become very competent when buying small gifts that help others explore new things but I can neglect my own needs. I am hoping that I can remedy this. Thank you again. I think addressing issues around change on the spectrum is something I don't often see covered, partly because it is suggested that change leads to stress. However, as I say, I managed change in art school in the way I have described, and it functioned much like the way you include change as research.
So true! Here's to trying something new each day that scares me, even if it's just for a minute! Thanks Paul!
I love trying new foods and hobbies, but for job searching and all of this other drudgery where you do a million things and hope one sticks, I hate it.
This is a brilliant reminder, Paul! I'm extremely reluctant to change/take risk - so this is really helpful. Thank you!!!!
So glad you spoke about food as that's the area I am trying to expand my experiences in recently, with the help of a kind Asian lady who loves to cook food and so doesn't mind if I don't like or can't tolerate an ingredient in it (eg peppers!).
I've been buying the same pair of ear buds for years. If they ever get discontinued, my action plan is to lose my mind. I got my current hoodies from a secondhand store nearly ten years ago. They are practically fish nets. But they're my hoodies... I don't like other hoodies. When I'm forced to make a change, it burns me out hard. The worst was when I could patch my Frankenphone together by spare parts AGAIN, or I had to consider if it was worth finally upgrading since that model would soon become obsolete. It took weeks of research for me to choose a new phone. I still don't like it, because I miss my old custom ROM.
I can SO relate to this...
My dad (neurologically similar to me) used to say that you have to try things when you have no idea what they're going to be like. Sometimes you'll try something and it'll be trash, but that's an acceptable price to pay for the other things that you'll try that'll be really great.
Last week I went on a camping weekend for transgender people. I had no idea what it was going to be like; it could have been a boring, wasted weekend. But it's no exaggeration to say it was the best thing I've ever done; a life-changing experience. I could feel new neuronal connections being made in my brain. Not only an opportunity to be openly trans without fear, but also to let the mask fall and be openly neurodivergent; to meet open-minded, accepting people, and to observe something akin to an anarchist commune in operation and be part of that.
Oh I feel you. My high school friends were an anarchist, a communist, a fan of dictatorship, a whore, a 80s rock girl, a nerd and more. They were much more precious than other groups of friends I had like some pretty pitiful weirdos and some Christians. It seems that transgender people never fail you! Online at least. I wish I went to something like that too. The closest was the Gay Pride Parade which was kind of fun though I was alone.
Awesome
I actually like trying new things, but I need to plan them. I hate how people equate spontaneity with being adventurous. It’s not the same. I find disappointment in spontaneity. But planned adventure is so much fun. You can relax and just enjoy. You have prepared and know what you are doing or going to try. It makes the experience more enjoyable. Spontaneity can be boring and make you stuck with no plan and nothing to do. I wish neurotypicals could understand that.
The issue I have with this is the energy requirement and lack of guidance and *lack of safety mat* when I inevitably find something that doesn't work. So the attempt is not worth the almost guaranteed stress, burnout, and emotional damage that follows.
These things that follow the failed attempts are things I do not have the ability to mitigate right now, so I cannot emotionally and energetically afford to go through this process unless I am okay with giving up the rest of my life that requires me to not be burnt out or shut down, which I'm not willing to do.
This video and the process it explains is great and very valuable, but not well applicable without understanding how to healthily deal with the crippling effects of those 99 failures.
IMO :}
It's understanding and realising that there are other solutions that will hopefully stop you from burning out. I can relate to what you have written though. I'm very burnt out at the moment and am trying to find a different way to ensure that overwhelm doesn't make me quit altogether.
Exactly my thoughts as well. I don't have the energy to navigate life as it is, where am I to take the energy to deal with additional stuff?
I'm absolutely willing to keep my eyes open for things that might help me or work in some way or the other or just for the sake of gaining new experiences or insight. But actively looking for those things is something I just don't have the strength at the moment.
I agree with the basic sentiment of the video, but a 1% success rate seems extremely low and demotivating. There are certainly tactics to use to improve that success rate, like getting recommendations from people similar to you or expanding out to things that are adjacent to what you already like. I also think the success rate can get much higher if you are very clear on what you want/need and take that into account when looking for new options.
Like you did with the first set of earbuds: they are good enough to wear in situations X, Y and Z, I can still hear when I put them in, they work with my favorite clothes etc. For me, the second pair of earbuds you show wouldn't work, precisely because I want mine to be visible, so people know/assume I can't hear them. That's specific to me and not a filter you'll find on an e-commerce website to narrow your selection, but it is something I can actively evaluate when picking a new pair of earbuds and doing so will increase my odds of finding the right pair.
I struggle with change still despite being in my late 30's. 🙃 it sucks.
I'm so similar. Very sticky habits. It's a great way to be for good habits and I can reliably stick with something. But if it's a bad habit it becomes a problem, and I've definitely persisted way too long with bad solutions in the past. Now I observe myself more to see if things are actually working for me.
I really like certainty and predictability, but realistically we often can't know how things will work out and just have to run the experiment and see what we learn.
Thank you Paul...I think that you hit a nerve there...many of us share the same horrors of having to change...
I feel so much resistance to this! But I understand what you're getting at
This is like setting a "lead in time" (i think that's what it's called. I need a new xyz within 12 months, so I should start looking for a new one at least 3 months before, but I can start looking already 6 months ahead of time and so on. It is really like planing ahead to reduce stress. Great video with great explinations :)
I stayed with the wrong person for the longest time. I'm glad I was going to a counsellor who told me, okay, that situation was inappropriate, it's the final straw, you need to get out NOW! And she was right. I'm so much happier now. But I hadn't thought of it in the terms of this video until now. I also notice I let friendships go for long periods of time. Not good, so thanks.
I love the honesty of this video. Changing it up, or ordering something "unknown" at a restaurant is a bad idea, if you have a rather bland, repetitive diet. Other areas of change might be a better choice than food. Just get what you like, even if it's a grilled cheese sandwich!
My work around to trying new things a resturaunt is for me to order my "usual" and then taste a bit of whatever my husband orders. That way I am playing it "safe" yet still taking small steps to expand my tastes. :)
I had an endoscopy and a colonoscopy two months ago. The former revealed that I have lactose intolerance and a hiatus hernia, so for the latter of those two diagnoses, I have to eat smaller meals more often. It took some challenges, but I've been able to have a bowl of cornflakes topped with yoghurt for breakfast, a gluten free jam sandwich for morning tea, a bowl of steamed rice with a sachet of vegetables for lunch (I tried Kikkoman Gluten Free Soy Sauce and I like it) a gluten free jam sandwich for afternoon tea, an chicken or steak and potatoes and a packet of gluten free low FODMAP biscuits for tea. Also, my gastroenterologist will be retiring in a few years, and she knows that I don't want to see a male doctor, so we're talking now about alternative female doctors for when she retires, as I don't want to be left in the same boat as my parents, whose doctor suddenly retired and all they got was a recorded message to say that the surgery was closed and he had retired.
I have a strategy where I tend to buy more than one of something and use one of them and when the other is unserviceable, use the second. I mean, I bought myself my first hoodie since I was 15, and I'm going to buy a second so that I don't wear one until it falls to pieces and then buy another, I buy two and wear them both a bit so that they don't wear out as badly.
yeah... I'm struggling with this a lot. I learned early that my ideas weren't worth trying unless they had a 95% or greater chance of success... and that the suggestions others gave me had about that 1% chance of success. Because of my energy levels, I think I really need a 50% chance of success for things to be worth trying, at this point. Maybe if I'd had that support I needed when I was younger, I could have gotten to the point where that 1% would be enough, but I just don't have that kind of energy now, and I have a crapton more responsibility sucking up what is there. Of course, part of the problem was that people kept telling me to try the SAME things over and over, when I was asking them to help me find new things to try. They just assumed that I would magically start doing different things until something worked better... but since I was going into those situations unsupported, the only difference was that each successive failure was more stressful, which made it LESS likely to work.
I'm not autistic but I think this video would be helpful for me
Pretty much all of his videos are applicable to life in general. He deals in emotional intelligence and that's relevant for everyone, every lifestyle. It's a set of internal skills that everyone has to utilize day-to-day. He speaks from his personal perspective, autism in mind, so it tends to be a lot more relatable to other autists compared to other kinds of media.
What a lot of people don't realize, other autists included, is that our challenges that we face aren't usually exclusive to us, but we are impacted by them more severely. This means that a lot of issues we face are issues that allistics (non-autistics) face as well, albeit to a much lesser degree of severity.
You made some good points thank you for this video
Also those earplugs are nice!
Paul, you're an engineer. Get out your hot glue gun and fix the ear gadget. {^_-} (OK< dirty jibe but somebody had to do it.)
You made some good points. I'd summarize one as explore, not search, solutions to a problem you can see coming. Idle exploration with "accidental success since we never fail here" can lead to some nice discoveries. Alas, I went through a period I was living stretching my non-IRA savings not quite hand to mouth for long enough that it established some habits counter to an "explore" philosophy. It's time I explore some more. Of course, as I end my 8th decade I've discovered staying home is nice low stress, fashion is simply like a boat (a hole in the water into which you dump your money), and comfort is king. As a result some of my clothes are more than a touch tatty these days. The hard spot I am dealing with right now is my one horse shay (automobile) really really must be replaced. Facing some N sales critters to find a suitable car for someone the car will likely outlast and who would drive it very infrequently is something I cannot face.
Now I need to go install the cell phone Internet router add on antenna I bought, check some antennas I use for local FM music reception, help my partner install the UPS we got that is supposed to keep us online when another local idiot thinks he can drive through a utility pole, and add to some recreational software I've been building for myself.. At least there are things to do around here. Old and autistic is no reason to sit and passively absorb the world while I get fatter.
{^_-}
Very good advise. Had this problem with my son and his favourite headphones. Playing on his phone he was often pulling the cord to hard. I knew he gonna brake the earphone jack on his phone pretty soon and was suggesting him to try wireless headphones. I even got him exactly the same model but wireless, he tried them and got very cross that they don't have a wire, they really uncomfortable, they are too blue, they are too loud and too quiet and so on. But I still gave him to try them time to time, and by the time his phone jack gave up and it became impossible to use normal headphones, he already was quite used to idea of using wireless headphones. Now, this method never works with food, no matter how hard we try.
P.s.: I wouldn't suggest same method for dating to any person autistic or not. If you are in relationship and don't give it 100% your energy, but still keep "browsing", than this relationship never gonna last. Giving it 100%, and if it doesn't work, then you have to "browse" and try again. Not during, it is not fair to a person you are currently with. My opinion ♡
Yup. I suffer from procedural inertia too. I find I have to make myself change tools if the first one I choose sort of works but isn’t ideal - even if I have a better tool at hand. And I find that what suits me doesn’t suit most people. Supermarket chains will track some shoppers because they know if those shoppers enthusiastically choose certain new products, those products will be rejected by almost all other shoppers. Their choices are identified and dropped from the range. I am one of those ‘kiss of death’ shoppers. So I am forced to look for alternatives every time I find my favourite product has been dropped by the supermarket. (I have got quite adept at identifying my ‘kiss of death’ favourites now, and I bulk buy so I will have some time to find an alternative when the supermarket stops stocking them).
Rejetion is Part of the process. That lifted some Feeling from my heart. I really needed that right now. Not for trying new Things but for the man I Like and want to tell (I've been rejected by all men I've told I like). Thank you! Have a nice day!
For me, what I'm finding it to be is that I've been severely stunting my outward expression and sense of consciousness, which was leading me to feel "out of my body" all the time. Like everything was just happening around me and anxiety prevented me from participating in daily life, particularly around other living beings, but especially other human beings, in general. Trauma runs deep for a good number of us, but I've found that openly talking about mental health check-ins and daily frustrations really greases the social wheels and climates around.
Or perhaps most of the new things you try might be really workable for you, but just might be a bit different. I think that there is usually more than one thing that could work. This channel is great. I wish more people in the care sector would listen to you. I love your generally positive mindset.
I misread the title at first, and now I have a question
I read « why autistic people need to learn new things ». I certainly have an urge, a craving, to learn new things ; all the time. Is that an autistic trait ? If that’s the case, why is it so?
I think ADHD autistics have busy active brains ( that don’t switch off) and we always learn new things. It is possible those of us who are ADHD autistics are always learning and aren’t fixated on one comforting thing. And also some autistics ( higher functioning females but probably some boys and men too) do actually have empathy even though Nazis portrayed autistics as unempathetic and selfish and having mental health illness, many aren’t and don’t. We care too deeply. Autism ( neuro divergence) is a spectrum just like being ( neurotypical) is a spectrum.
I think all autistics have some kind of communication/ social difficulties. Because we have different brain structures and different chemical messengers systems and sensitivities and are highly focussed individuals.
I think ADHD autistics have many talents when they are allowed to be themselves. You may be in that group. I think savants tend to have one special talent that defies normal talents, but ADHD may have many talents but not to such a high degree as our brain are processing multi levels rather than savants who focus on one and can be genius. ADHD can highly function but not be genius and have an array of talents, but due to our social skills can struggle to have our talents recognised because autodidactics don’t process education in the same way as education constructs and boundaries expect us too(we may know stuff, not know how we got to the education we have, we bypass explanation of how we get there), so we may have knowledge but not in the exam and paper proof sense. Often because bullying and wrong teaching methods for us traumatised our education years. So we don’t conform to educational norms and our intellects go unrecognised by Neurotypicals.
I failed at school ( got 5 CSEs) but was top and second top on most of my military combat medic stuff because I was in a disciplined safe education system where bullying didn’t happen. And it was taught in what’s known as EDIP teaching methods Explanation, Demonstration, imitation and practice. This worked for me. My delayed processing was catered for in learning because I’d do my own shorthand in classes and stuff I struggled to absorb would be taken away and revised in my own time and I’d ask questions in class and later. I realised I could self teach when I served in Bosnia aged 28, and I learned I could think for self and not have people forcing their rigid teaching systems and expectations down my throat. I freed my mind. Too many people don’t realise to think for selves and just follow instructions, belief constructs without question.
Over the last few weeks I learned how to wire a European plug into a UK plug safely off you tube. I learned how to fix a broken coffee machine off you tube ( mine was giving me cold coffee I bought it second hand). I learned how to take it apart and clean it using citric acid and I also learned I can clean my washing machine using a combo of citric acid and baking soda which is much cheaper then paying for laundry cleaning tablets. My other interest is budgeting and stopping food waste. I’ve decorated 2 flats. I won’t let neuro typicals control my high functioning ( yeah I can be scattered brained sometimes and struggle with don’t things I don’t need to know) but when I want to know I will learn it. I’ve first paraded ambulances ( when I don’t drive 🤣🤣) drawn up contra indicated drugs lists. But ask me to paint a picture and a toddlers art is better than mine, im abysmal at art because my father was an artist and he bullied me on it and it traumatised me. So I’m tired of the arts and crafts stuff mental health sufferers and autistics get rammed down our throats.
Autistics can be just as multi talented as neuro typicals, it is rigid education and society that disables us, because it stymies self thinking and enthusiasm and our excitement and interests because we don’t fit in socially, communication and sensory wise to them.
We need to stop conceding our adhd personas into pacification and CBT mediation crap and say no I want to learn this teach it. Don’t bully us because we are crap at math it art ? Help us excel in our chosen fields. Politics isn’t taught in UK to working class kids. So workers don’t know their power that includes working class NTs class system destroys kids like us, We should be accepted into speciality schools. We could change the world if we stopped allowing class and skills suppression just because neuro typicals don’t stomach our directness. We are human too. I’m multi skilled but master of none. Doesn’t make me bad. I think NTs process one thing at a time, savants , process 1 or 2 amazing genius level things and ADHD autistics process many things on multi levels. That’s Maria’s theory of autism, NTs, Savants and ADHDs processing skills. NTs and ridged paper based education systems filled with NT bullies and destroy the full potential if autistic especially working class and some lower middle class autistics who are forced through comprehensive snd secondary education systems or put in special schools( those special schools should cater to autistic identified talents) not what capitalists and the so called elites want to force down our throats.
I find that at times (if my anxiety is well managed - AND I am in the right kind of environment) I cam be much more adventurous about trying new things.
@@AutisticAwakeActivist I feel it as very rigid,at times i can do very well,but if someone restricts me,i very bad.some early brain chemical and maybe parent things
Sounds like a defining human trait. Insatiable curiosity. Definitely not exclusive to any type of mind.
What I have found is that looking for new interests or to broaden a skill that we already have and use well usually not a problem in any way...however it is in the aspects of daily life...like Paul has with his ear plugs or his hoodie...that takes energy because somehow we are faced with difficulties that NT folks take for granted...🙃
Thanks for your video's! They are verry helpfull and i enjoy watching them ! I got diagnozed a few monds ago at age of 50 . Its amazing to get to now myselfwithout the masking . Understanding wy some thing take so much energie. I feel better evry day ! Thx greating from belgium
Tbh, I often feel like I am expected to change far more often than anyone else, especially in a work environment. I see others sticking to their routines for months, years, meanwhile for me it's like, "Don't stick to your routines or solutions for even a day, not even if it's the same solution that the others are doing, not even if it's been discussed as the best and correct way to do it in a meeting just a minute ago, or else you aren't flexible enough, aren't a team player enough, aren't going out of your shell enough, aren't socially acceptable enough."
Love your content Paul!! This came at a time in my life where I really needed it, especially with settling in mediocre romantic relationships and even expanding to settling with jobs/the job hunt. You and your videos are a blessing! Take care 🙏🏽😁💖
Last few years I’ve been doing that without even knowing. Covid with supply issues have forced me to adapt and try new things about every other week, (as some things seem to disappear from shelves and/or get discontinued altogether)
Most cases the replacement is not as good as what went away. (And half the problem is stores being greedy and canceling things that were a good money saving loophole for a lot of people) but at least I try…
Nice juggling balls! And insights, thank you! I also have my favorite earplugs headphones.... thank you for sharing and being honest and real and understanding and being so excellent at explaining... I Am Buoyant!!. Buen Provecho!
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Now that my schedule is very much tied to the school year, I'm finding that the time for me to experiment with new things is during the summer vacation. If things go well, I'm pleased. If they don't, I have time to recover. I did buy some new items of clothing, but I'm continuing to patch some older ones which I can't bear to part with!!! Need patience with the process...
In terms of products, when I find some Really good I buy a spare as well. I only have to start looking for a new thing once I start using the reserve one. It gives me more time to look without the pressure of 'I need a replacement now' because it's actually 'I need a new spare now what I've got will tide me over in the mean time'.
Liking the new captions too :)
People constantly try to talk to me when I'm wearing AirPods (even though I attach a strap). I like how visible the initial ones you showed are for the purpose of demonstrating you're not in the mood to chat.
Brilliant video and very helpful. Thank you
I used to be someone open to trying new things, but after cancer for skier a decade I recently noticed that I’m way less likely to try things and life has become very bland in consequence. I want to go back somewhere closer to my former self This video has renewed my motivation
I'm doing this right now for my job. My job has decent pay and decent hours, but I could use some better options. It's especially hard on jobs though because of the whole slew of problems that come with being an aspie at work. The people at my current job know my condition.
As an addendum to that, I grew up in the military where my environment was constantly changing. I never lived anywhere more than 3 years. It was hell and I was very depressed for a long time. I had siblings and my mom was like, "well your siblings do fine with this lifestyle, so there must just be something wrong with you." After being diagnosed at 35 I finally know what that "something" was.
I have been through three lots of my same walking shoes for the past 16 years old and got one more left, so I better start researching now in preparation.
Haha, I am female, but I so relate to the clothes part. I wish I could just wear the same thing every day. I just found a new shirt I like, and I bought one in each color and two of my favorite color and am already relieved I won't need to buy any new shirts next summer. When they wear down, I track them down online and buy them second-hand. Why does fashion have to change all the time? I would be a perfect customer - I would keep buying the same pair of jeans twice a year for the next 50 years...
earpeace has a great little key chain option that I always have on me for impromptu overstimulation
A new thing, I did. Relationships didn't work or didn't start in the first place. Especially with today's horrible dating world. So I became a so called 'known sperm donor' for a single woman I met online. Now I'm the father of a healthy two-month old boy and I am building a bond with them and I support them. How things can change.
I really do enjoy the sound of your voice! 🥰
🎩Hi, trouble is once you have found stuff that works you get into your comfort zone, and for me once I’m in that place I’m happy and don’t want to leave it, otherwise I know it’s going to cause me problems.
Both my father and I have identical closets: all full of stuff that is still in their original package simply because we bought a hell lot of the same item we liked under fear we could not find it again.
Does this apply to autistic people with ADHD too? For me, I think I try too many things and I get overwhelmed. Most autistic question ever, but how often do you think is good to try something new? 🤣
This is really interesting, my husband I suspect is autistic and getting him to try new things can be a nightmare. I’m autistic & adhd so I get how he feels but adhd naturally pushes me past my comfort zones. So I developed a ‘pebble’ strategy, I slowly introduce new ideas to him and slowly keep bringing it up until he either agrees or it’s no longer relevant. Like how a river smooths the pebbles in the river bed.
I'm nodding my head as I'm watching your video through the cracks on my phone. The screen has been cracked for over a year. I probably won't get a new one until it no longer works.
"when I have some energy" ahahaha good one
you are a delight Paul.
I got an epiphany about autism once on a walk. Since some things don't come intuitively they must be backed up with a large body of reference/experience based knowledge.
Example. I grow up alone with my father. When I watch movies I only get sappy when it's a sad father/son moment. Identical scenes but with mother/son, mother/daughter, father/daughter either don't hit me at all or hit me with much less effect.¨
I'm sure the immediate empathy can be conditioned to be stronger/more immediate with these other roles. But it's an example of how broken families hurt childrens development.
You really do encourage growth mindsets.
well… I’ve done such quite a lot, professionally, also masking wise (as I got to understand only recently), now living in 13th place in life (well mid 50s). seeing quite couple of places, learning lots of what.s and how-to.s etc. - in the end, my impression isn’t that most of it really did | does pay off, eg belonging-wise. I’m still alive, though, for the time being.
others that once something fail they never try to do it again?
I've wrote this comment like five times now so I'm just going to simplify it because it's easier yes I relate to this subject 100% because of the sheer fact that yes trying new things is extremely difficult because once I find something that fits perfectly for me and the situation I stick to it that includes even eating certain types of foods when I order out I will only order the one thing that I know for exactly a fact that I like general says chicken I will always get that from the Chinese food restaurant and never explore and try new things it's extremely difficult because once I find something that I know I like I don't like to order new things because I may not like them that is a example.
Also only recently within the last year have I found out that I am most likely on the autistic spectrum which by now after research I most definitely on the autism spectrum but I appear as if I'm normal just because I'm one of the very few exceptional people who are able to mask a complete persona of normalness but unfortunately it is nothing more than a mask only recently did I come out to my spouse who is not a autistic or aspy and it's complicated and it's hard to explain that I don't think like other people but I make it work.
Your videos are very educational and informative I find them to help me out a lot with understanding myself not everything is the same as me but every person is slightly different including people who have asperger syndrome or a form of autism which is understandable not everything is going to stick when it's thrown at you but I definitely can understand your logical part of thinking it's hard to understand other people's emotions especially when there's like an extremely long delay on an emotional response when you are different and you think differently like my whole life I've always understood that I can understand the person's situation and scenario that they might be in that might be sad and I would put myself in that situation logically and be like I can understand where that would be painful and sad but the emotions would not be there in that moment and only when I was extremely close to a person would I be able to understand.
I went through many different types of disorders trying to figure out why do I feel so different why is it I feel like I am not even human and constantly felt bad about myself because I did not think the same or feel the same as other people even though I masked myself and constantly just blended in as a chameleon in an extremely masterful way to the point that even I made myself feel normal by pretending to go through the motions of what everyday normal people behave. But it wasn't me and I know it was very fake and emotionally I'd still be the aspy in the head.
But only after I did what I do naturally which was break everything down from its basic form of thought and tear it apart piece by piece until I was able to put together every single little aspect of my individual self to diagnose myself with something and trust me I went through the whole mental health book practically and only when somebody's comment in CZcams hit that I found out a lot of the stuff that I suffer from turns out to be autism. Trust me it was extremely interesting for somebody to say that because I did not understand how that could be the case until I learned more about it and the more I learned about it the more I was going holy crap this is me through and through.
Also I'm sorry for the run-on sentence and a bit of oversharing but that's just kind of how I am but I have to say your videos have helped me and yes I'm a bit of a rambler.
I normally don't post comments like this just because I slightly feel like if I speak about myself in this way it will not be received with understanding eyes..... I'm a completely functioning normal person in society other than I cannot control certain aspects of myself I have a beautiful family a beautiful woman a beautiful son and another little one on the way I work everyday and it's still surprises me that I am one of the very few types of individuals that can mask and function in society and I am blessed for it.
Oh yes...many, many autistic mask what they feel...mostly for years...and this is the case for those who were diagnosed later on in life...say 20s and upwards...and trying out new things...wel I find I just have to bite the bullet and get on with it...exhausting.
I was 56 when I was diagnosed and my son was 31. Try new things, I run out of ideas by the time I got my diagnosis. My life turned upside down and inside out trying to make a life for ourselves. Plus we both have adhd combined to
One thing that was hard for me to do was find new replacement gardening shoes for the ones that had fit my bunioned feet perfectly for three years. Also to trust Amazon rather than a favorite "general" store a few miles away that had sold me the shoes. (I can't drive, so I can't easily get to that store.) Those shoes were totally tattered by the time I made up my mind to try a different brand on Amazon. I'm very fortunate that the new shoes (wide men's) worked out and fit comfortably. But I sure had to do lots of research and looking around on the internet before taking a chance. Yes - all very tiring.
I know this sounds awful, but I feel this way about relationships too.
I have never thought about it until now.
8:14 just buy 3 or 4 of the same hoodies...lol ... hhh... not always feasible.
I have that same issue with clothes, pocket placement really messes with me
Before you mentioned clothes I was gonna say that I notice you seem to wear that same blue hoodie a lot. Because I have a specific issue with clothes as well... I am VERY fussy and particular with clothes, absolutely hate going into clothing stores, because it wastes a lot of time and energy when I have my eye on 1-2 items, try them on and like nope.. doesn't fit just right. It's too tight, sleeves not long enough, something wrong with it. If i find the perfect hoodie, the perfect pants, I will tend to wear the same clothes over and over.. but then they fall apart, fade etc. and yes, just buy the exact one again? Nope, no longer sold.. ok then, the same brand. Hmm doesn't quite fit the same. In the past I would also order clothes online, in fact order from many online stores at once (and different sizes, e.g. L and XL) and just hope at least one will be perfect. But nope, not quite right... I'd be deflated, couldn't even be bothered returning them in some cases, and go back to wearing the same old clothes.
Recently I've decided to continue with online trial and error, then just send it back if not right. Just sick of wearing old clothes, sometimes not even wanting to go out because I have nothing "decent". And finally... I found a perfect hoodie. Well, I ordered it in size L. It fit fairly well, but a little on the smaller size. So I was like, what about XL instead? If it's just a little bigger, might be perfect. But sometimes a size up can be ridiculous, so it was a gamble. So I ordered an XL and... perfect. Now I will order the same XL hoodie in 2-3 more colours, so I'll have a rotation. In the past, if I found something that fits perfect I'd only buy one.. and wear it religiously. But now will just stock up, but also keep looking around like you suggested in this video.
I found it really frustrating when I tried buying the same things only to find they're no longer available and I eventually learnt that whenever I find something that I really like and fits me is to buy several of them at once. I have eight tops all the same, four jumpers the same, two pairs of jeans the same and three pairs of capris the same!They've lasted me for years and because I'm handy with a needle I've been able to mend the odd seam that's come apart, etc. It probably wouldn't work for those who love changing fashions but it works for me because I know they're going to be comfortable, they're a timeless classic style and look good on me. Actually, I sometimes do that with other things too and I'm in danger of getting to be a bit of a hoarder with a few cd players, camera bodies and computers along with other paraphernalia, lol.
Being a female I sometimes force myself to be smart and wear uncomfortable clothes . But soon as I’m in my house it’s socks off scratchy horrible clothes off and comfy t shirt or vest top n trackers n loose leggings on.
I often buy spares of favourite things like clothes, actually i bought three of my favourite earplugs.
whenever i find something that i really like and cant live without, i buy multiple copies of it. that way i have enough to last my whole life as they wear out and break
you should try to find somewhere where you can buy those exact same ear plugs you like. and then buy like 5 copies of them
I have found myself doing exactly that as well...then you get the questions...''just how many of those things do you need for goodness sake''...I don't let that stop me
Song about this
One thing leads to another I try bits here and there
I pick something up put down go somewhere else from there
I try so hard at one thing doesn’t seem like I’m getting
there try another it’s the same
Its as bad as my current hair
But I don’t care
I love the mix match mess that is me
The multimedia artist to be
I keep going back leaving pieces everywhere
So little time given by hey I did it it’s there
I love the mix match mess that is me
The multimedia artist to be
Sometimes J start something that won’t finish at all
Sculpting writing art poetry music and all
But hey I’m as proud of myself as yesterday
And much courages and when I started hip hop horray
I love the mix match mess that me
They multimedia artist which is m
That's me exactly.
I'm a hoarder and freak out if I don't have backups of everything!
I wouldn’t have a job like that. I did before and it was definitely not for me!
OMG the food/restaurant thing is most of the time a disappointment if i have to try something new :(
Thank you for this! But I can’t help to feel upset about this video and you telling me to try new things. I keep screaming inside: NO, WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
😅😅😅😅
I also took up walking but it’s with older none autistics as my physical disability doesn’t allow me to do the hills and mountains anymore. But I no mostly get on with them but I’m sick of judgement about the fact I don’t work ( it causes arguments)
They walk on what I call easy routes but it still exercises me and I do like the feeling and I’m getting used to them but they need to learn to back off me re not working as I do plenty of self directed unpaid work.
I had figured this out for myself as a kid (having nothing appropriate for my needs was the norm) and I applied this concept to alot of my base needs. I still struggle to apply it to other more abstract examples (like your dating and network examples) because I suppose it never occurred to me to apply it in that manner. I'm definitely suffering for my oversight, and now it takes even more physical and mental energy to even attempt to tackle my situation... and I'm mid anxiety attack before I even approach the middle of the process! (...and wiped out by the end of it... ._.) I feel like a broken creature. Suggestions?
I'm not too upset about the idea of like little and medium change, but I admittedly struggle with big changes. And if someone says something factually incorrect I can't help but correct him (not related but yeah).
I watch these videos because I know two people who I suspect are on the spectrum and they check off nearly every box. The food example is on spot. Every Asian restaurant we have ever gone to in seven years they order the same dish
Yes, it's so hard to shake myself out of my routine, and change things for the better. Matter of fact, I'm looking for a therapist (who doesn't charge an arm and a leg 😀) to help me with a lot of things going on in my life, including inter-personal issues. I'm in California, USA...does anyone out there have a good recommendation? I'd so appreciate it!
Thats why I always buy 2 of what I like!
Hi
We're nearly very often late bloomers, you know?
I admit I am afraid of new anything, Its a problem sometimes
I'm wondering what earbuds those are!?
Same here!
1. if most people like it then I should run away
2. if I love some of the pool then the pool is disgusting to me as a whole
3. If I like it it will look like an odd dream to the others
It's rare that I'll like a piece of music, porn or a game. But "Draw A Box" states:
"the 50% rule: you should spend at least as much time exercising illustration, as you spend drawing for real"
Can you please explain why the name of the channel has changed?
I find it is rather surprising how often I like the new thing. Still...
Nice content
Entropy. My biggest enemy and the source of all of my paranoia since I learned there was a name for this dread I've experienced since I was a small child.
When they stopped making my favourite earbuds, I bought 100 pairs