Why Ted Cruz S*cks: A Comprehensive Biography | BEHIND THE BASTARDS

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    Why Ted Cruz S*cks: A Comprehensive Biography | BEHIND THE BASTARDS
    This week, Robert is joined by Cody Johnston and Katy Stoll to discuss the Bastards of the 2018 Mid-Term Elections. And to start, let’s talk about a man that people of all backgrounds and beliefs can despise: Ted Cruz.
    Original Air Date: October 30, 2018
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    There’s a reason the History Channel has produced hundreds of documentaries about Hitler but only a few about Dwight D. Eisenhower. Bad guys (and gals) are eternally fascinating. Behind the Bastards dives in past the Cliffs Notes of the worst humans in history and exposes the bizarre realities of their lives. Listeners will learn about the young adult novels that helped Hitler form his monstrous ideology, the founder of Blackwater’s insane quest to build his own Air Force, the bizarre lives of the sons and daughters of dictators and Saddam Hussein’s side career as a trashy romance novelist.
    New episodes twice a week on iHeartRadio.
    #BehindtheBastards #BehindtheBastardsPodcast #RobertEvansBehindtheBastards #BehindtheBastardsMerch #BehindtheBastardsJohnLandis #BehindTheBastardsHost #BehindtheBastardsIvermectin #BestBehindtheBastardsEpisodes #BehindtheBastardsBestEpisodes

Komentáře • 101

  • @mikehjt
    @mikehjt Před 10 měsíci +65

    Al Franken: 'I like Ted Cruz more than anyone else in Congress does and I _hate_ Ted Cruz.'

  • @fofalooza
    @fofalooza Před 10 měsíci +71

    Ted Cruz calling condoms "rubbers" has precisely the same energy as my uncle using the phrase "great gazongas" as a reason why my brother should let our Uncle set him up with a recently divorced woman at his church.

    • @23joanlee
      @23joanlee Před 10 měsíci +1

      great gazongas! that's hilarious!

  • @kevinkorenke3569
    @kevinkorenke3569 Před 10 měsíci +39

    47:02 I love that he read a Dr. Seuss book about being willing to try new things in opposition to us trying a new idea to provide better health care for people.

    • @mr.pavone9719
      @mr.pavone9719 Před 9 měsíci +6

      Ted is so blissfully unaware of himself. It makes me want to pump LSD into his water supply just to see him change into a person.

  • @BenjaminGlatt
    @BenjaminGlatt Před 10 měsíci +47

    Okay, but Fred Rogers was the best person ever, so.

    • @FakeSchrodingersCat
      @FakeSchrodingersCat Před 9 měsíci +14

      "The only way to stop a Fred with a dangerous far right ideology is a Fred with a dangerous far left ideology." --Fredrick Engels (probably)

    • @justinwatson1510
      @justinwatson1510 Před 4 měsíci +2

      @FakeSchrodingersCat, I'm glad to see someone finally mentioned Engels. Thank you.

  • @patrickmitchell9068
    @patrickmitchell9068 Před rokem +50

    Ted cruz is the kid who get bullied by comic book and D&D nerds

    • @SgtKaneGunlock
      @SgtKaneGunlock Před rokem

      i hated Bullies and I would Bully this kid

    • @RvEijndhoven
      @RvEijndhoven Před 10 měsíci +12

      He _was_ the kid who got bullied by comic book and D&D nerds... Now he is the adult who gets bullied by comic book and D&D nerds.

    • @FakeSchrodingersCat
      @FakeSchrodingersCat Před 9 měsíci +5

      Be realistic, he is the kid who was bullied by the kids the comic book and D&D nerds bullied. The Mathletes had more high school social standing then he did.

    • @cybercop0083
      @cybercop0083 Před 2 měsíci

      Back in the 90‘s, to boot!

  • @leopoldmolitch4040
    @leopoldmolitch4040 Před rokem +32

    I'm halfway through this and just realized they're were talking about Ted Crux, not Tucker Carlson. Seems all these folk are completely interchangeable

    • @jfrsnjhnsn
      @jfrsnjhnsn Před 10 měsíci +2

      Pretty much.

    • @goodun2974
      @goodun2974 Před 3 měsíci

      ​@@jfrsnjhnsn, not to mention that they are equally detestable.

  • @brendancostello944
    @brendancostello944 Před 4 měsíci +4

    Cody's comment about the "Ted Pod" when talking about the Tide Pod(R) is criminally unacknowledged....

  • @arcarchivist2638
    @arcarchivist2638 Před 4 měsíci +4

    Frederick Douglass, Fred Rogers, Freddie Mercury.

  • @mr.pavone9719
    @mr.pavone9719 Před 9 měsíci +12

    Did anybody else's irony meter ping when they heard the part about the young conservatives, who think education is a privilege for the weathy, competing for handouts (scholarships) to further their education?

    • @pssurvivor
      @pssurvivor Před 5 měsíci

      yep my ears perked up when i heard that. these conservatives are always like this

    • @justinwatson1510
      @justinwatson1510 Před 4 měsíci

      Hypocrisy is one of the cornerstones of liberalism and the ideologies that descended from it.

    • @FTZPLTC
      @FTZPLTC Před 3 měsíci

      Oh, but don't you see: just as nothing that is not profitable is worthwhile, ANYTHING you do that someone is willing to pay you for is worthwhile.
      That's what being trained from birth to be a constitution-reciting mandroid teaches you.

  • @Zmanwarrior
    @Zmanwarrior Před 9 měsíci +6

    The only thing offensive about those Cleveland insults is that they're nowhere near as entertaining as the insults that native Clevelanders can come up with for Cleveland.

  • @matthewnuckles5937
    @matthewnuckles5937 Před 10 měsíci +15

    so painful to hear this knowing that he is STILL in office

    • @TheDarthbinky
      @TheDarthbinky Před 9 měsíci +8

      He's from Texas and has a little "R" by his name. He'll be in office until he dies or gets bored and moves on to another horrible venture. Yay two party system!

    • @mr.pavone9719
      @mr.pavone9719 Před 9 měsíci

      From what I've heard his senatorial district is almost entirely made up of wealthy, white conservatives. It's nigh-impossible for him to lose his seat unless he really fucks something up.

    • @richardarriaga6271
      @richardarriaga6271 Před 8 měsíci

      ​@@TheDarthbinkyTexas is a one party state. That crook Dan Patrick beat the corruption charges for impeachment. He won't go away until God or Satan call him home.

  • @seantracey9935
    @seantracey9935 Před 6 měsíci +4

    When Cody said "Here comes the sex"
    Best cruz impression of all time.

  • @joshuareynolds6970
    @joshuareynolds6970 Před 9 měsíci +7

    In the words of John Oliver ... "I do not like that man Ted Cruz."

  • @FakeSchrodingersCat
    @FakeSchrodingersCat Před 9 měsíci +14

    Wait, just hold on a moment you are saying that Ted Cruz as a teenager memorized the constitution and could write it out? Why then does he act like he has never even skimmed it?

    • @origami_dream
      @origami_dream Před 9 měsíci +12

      He memorized it by mnemonic device and that took up all his time and brain power, so he never had the time or brainspace to actually *consider* or understand it.

    • @cybercop0083
      @cybercop0083 Před 2 měsíci

      He memorized it, look for minute chinks in the armour.

  • @wwcyfd22
    @wwcyfd22 Před 9 měsíci +5

    The fourth episode of Star Trek TNG is actually "Code of Honor" a now infamous episode filled with dated, tone deaf african stereotype characters.
    Episode 5 is the one hes thinking about with the ancient defense system. Its like Ted Cruz is so evil his episode even ruins Star Trek references...

  • @fahbs
    @fahbs Před 10 měsíci +5

    My cat has had fleas with more of a spine than Ted Cruz.

  • @AshesAshes44
    @AshesAshes44 Před rokem +18

    Ted Cruz is younger than Gwen Stefani. No idea what to do with this info, but some people are using it against him. 😕

    • @BenjaminGlatt
      @BenjaminGlatt Před 10 měsíci +7

      I hate this.

    • @heyidaroo
      @heyidaroo Před 9 měsíci +3

      If I were a betting woman, I believe that Gwen will outlive Cruz

  • @origami_dream
    @origami_dream Před 9 měsíci +2

    13:00 Wellp, i guess Fredrick Brennan, founder of 8chan, heard this episode and decided, "Well, i can't argue with that, i'm on it."

  • @kevinhengehold4387
    @kevinhengehold4387 Před 6 měsíci +3

    So - the "amnesty" radio ad... do you remember the It's Always Sunny episode where an Israeli dude annexes the bar and the gang shouts Arabic-sounding jibberish with english words included?
    ... Did ted cruz really rip off an Always Sunny bit, but for serious?
    I really expected more from the zodiac killer.

  • @danarchist74
    @danarchist74 Před 11 měsíci +6

    Robert have you done an episode or episodes on Milton Friedman yet? If you haven't, you probably should.

  • @Alex-od7nl
    @Alex-od7nl Před 10 měsíci +6

    katy stoll is hilarious

  • @bradvine4564
    @bradvine4564 Před 9 měsíci +4

    Cruz is awful but I just finished the desantis episode and I have to say desantis is *so much worse* it blows me away.

  • @greghmn
    @greghmn Před 10 měsíci +4

    48:45 this is even funnier when you consider that McCain was born in Panama.

    • @portmantologist
      @portmantologist Před 9 dny

      But on a US military base, which still counts as being born on US soil.

  • @Zomonitan
    @Zomonitan Před 9 měsíci +8

    Fred Rogers was the only good Fred in all history

  • @Taurox220
    @Taurox220 Před 9 měsíci +4

    Reminder that Nixon was actually super popular before watergate and was able to win the popular vote

    • @FakeSchrodingersCat
      @FakeSchrodingersCat Před 9 měsíci

      Sure but he managed that mainly through dirty tricks and manipulation, he was nicknamed Tricky Dick for a reason. The specific incident they are referring to when they told Cruz to get a dog is when Nixon was being investigated for using campaign contributions for personal purposes he went on TV and claimed the only thing that might be irregular was that he was given and kept for himself was a puppy named Checkers. It came out after he left office he had diverted over $10,000 to a slush fund and had bought the puppy specifically for the bit.

    • @brendancostello944
      @brendancostello944 Před 4 měsíci

      With the help of some plumbers...

  • @TheMeritCoba
    @TheMeritCoba Před 11 měsíci +3

    Quote of the year: "women can't be trusted with tampons?!" (not with a political rally involving Ted Cruz)

  • @done.6191
    @done.6191 Před 10 měsíci +4

    Whataburgers are actually really good :). Ted Cruz is actually really bad. These are things on which we readily agree.

  • @kevinkorenke3569
    @kevinkorenke3569 Před 10 měsíci +5

    The more i learned in college and had reinforced at placed like this the more convinced is that America as an ideal and an idea failed during Reconstruction and it has been an oligarch leaning downward spiral ever since.

    • @defies4626
      @defies4626 Před 6 měsíci

      It failed from the moment they decided to allow slavery from the beginning, and honestly was probably started to further oligarchic ideals given the actual backers and architects of the country at the beginning, no matter how high minded they claimed their ideals to be

  • @TimdeVisser86
    @TimdeVisser86 Před 9 měsíci +3

    Fred Hampton, c'mon man.

  • @Aogami20
    @Aogami20 Před 9 měsíci +3

    Every time I listen to one of these I keep hoping things are gonna work out somehow in the end

  • @noxthemc7717
    @noxthemc7717 Před 9 měsíci +5

    The Frederalist Society

  • @done.6191
    @done.6191 Před 10 měsíci +2

    Damn, that self-reporting at 29:35 is soooooo sad. "Let me supress the things that make me, ME, so that people will think I'm popular."

  • @ReclaimedDasein
    @ReclaimedDasein Před měsícem

    LOL, I was literally starting fallout 4 when you said that.

  • @grahamcarpenter691
    @grahamcarpenter691 Před rokem +5

    Katy Stoll’s voice sounds nearly identical to Amber Frost from
    Chapo Trap House

  • @ericwiddison7523
    @ericwiddison7523 Před 9 měsíci +2

    When he endorsed Ted Cruz, Mike Lee was still a never Trumper. Both men have since abandoned any semblance of values they once had.

  • @FoxMacLeod2501
    @FoxMacLeod2501 Před 9 měsíci

    LMAO Katy, @ 51:37 - also: "(CO)RROBORATUUHHS: moun' up!"

  • @function0077
    @function0077 Před 9 dny +1

    I f&cking hate Lindsey Graham, but I do love his quote about Ted Cruz.

  • @hughquigley5337
    @hughquigley5337 Před 4 měsíci +1

    One of my favorite fun facts about Ted Cruz is that he is a whale for various mobile games. So yes Ted Cruz is a gamer.

  • @Fenan_21
    @Fenan_21 Před rokem +2

    speaking of cleveland, fun fact, theres a suburb in south africa named after cleveland, and cleveland ohio specifically

    • @mxpants4884
      @mxpants4884 Před 9 měsíci

      Were they celebrating our excellence in racial segregation?

  • @_NewtonMeter
    @_NewtonMeter Před 9 měsíci +2

    Ted Cruz really giving that autism vibe (I'm autistic)

    • @origami_dream
      @origami_dream Před 9 měsíci

      No thank you i reject this association he's just a psychopath (i'm autistic)

  • @BenHyle
    @BenHyle Před 3 měsíci +2

    Fred Rogers did all the reparations ever for the shitty freds.
    Also, Fred Penner is real as well.

  • @johnr7279
    @johnr7279 Před 10 měsíci +5

    Wow, and he's an even bigger egotist than I picked up on just living my daily life and seeing him in the news here and there. I was always amazed at how flexible his spine seemed to be and his ability to flip-flop on issues. In this way, he seems like a politician's politician. And not just him of course. These folks exist on both sides of the "aisle." It's one thing to cooperate for the greater good (aka crossing the aisle); it's another thing altogether to just flip around completely.

    • @justinwatson1510
      @justinwatson1510 Před 4 měsíci

      When Democrats or Republicans reach across the aisle, you can bet that average people are getting fucked over in the worst way.

  • @pssurvivor
    @pssurvivor Před 5 měsíci +3

    LYING TED. one of the best monikers trump has come up with

  • @azoic6
    @azoic6 Před 2 měsíci

    1:01:00 I LOVE Whataburger, but only when I'm drunk

  • @michael_mcgowan
    @michael_mcgowan Před 4 měsíci

    That bit about peaceful transfer of the presidency really hits different now. Oh the irony

  • @donkeyfly43
    @donkeyfly43 Před 5 měsíci +2

    Fred Rogers

  • @Tenems941
    @Tenems941 Před 8 měsíci +1

    36:18 about the only proper reaction to that statement

  • @done.6191
    @done.6191 Před 10 měsíci +2

    I love how even handed you try to be with the Wagner driving. Even as charitable as one can be, he's still firmly unlikable.

  • @daniellundberg2875
    @daniellundberg2875 Před 10 měsíci +1

    Well, Cleveland has been called the city equivalent of a slap in the face.

    • @kevinkorenke3569
      @kevinkorenke3569 Před 10 měsíci +2

      HEY! I LIVE IN CLEVELAND!
      Um, you are kind of right. It gets better as you drive away and enjoy the metroparks...

  • @cybercop0083
    @cybercop0083 Před měsícem

    13:44 There happened a monumental split of the human race in the stone race. A split between the ghastly Freds and the jolly Barneys. We are all descendants of one of those two prongs of the human race. Every once in a while, the Fred-ness is exhuberant to the point that an abomination is named ‚Fred‘ in devilish tribute. As it is written in the protocols of the water buffalo lodge.

  • @hammerheadshark45
    @hammerheadshark45 Před 8 měsíci +2

    ive heard cuyahoga get mispronounced so many times im shocked robert got it right

  • @kelseyrusch9279
    @kelseyrusch9279 Před 8 měsíci +1

    Ugghhh all I can think about is his tonsil stone incident

  • @Judgewrath1
    @Judgewrath1 Před 7 měsíci

    Narrator: "They had to talk about Ted Cruz again."

  • @misterno-ice-guy8082
    @misterno-ice-guy8082 Před 9 měsíci

    That "4th branch" of the system of checks and balances y'all alluded to already IS the public. Organizing it was (kind of, or: in more complicated terms) part of Ralph Nader's platform

    • @FakeSchrodingersCat
      @FakeSchrodingersCat Před 9 měsíci +3

      What they are alluding to is the Estates of Power. It is much, much older then Ralph Nader with the basic concept of the Estates going back to medieval Europe the first three is the Government, the Church and the Public. The 4th estate specifically only goes back to the late 1700 and was coined by Burke. The 4th Estate is the Press.

    • @misterno-ice-guy8082
      @misterno-ice-guy8082 Před 9 měsíci +2

      Oh. Ty
      Never heard of it.
      I guess I never explained Ralph Nader's proposition, But I should in case someone isn't privy.
      He wanted a cadre of citizens watching government agents (on tv, and via other press) to ensure they do their jobs correctly; if they promised to vote a certain way, make sure they do it, etc. This agency would consist of a small building with multiple televisions, banks of phones, newspaper subscriptions, and other applicable resources. It would be paid for with taxes and manned 24-7 by a rotating staff of vigilant locals. They would obviously report directly to their friends, families, and respective neighborhoods. A very, VERY simple concept, yet genius imho

  • @meep_cubed170
    @meep_cubed170 Před měsícem

    Also at 52:10 the Spanish Inquisition needed in 1838, we had seven different United States President before that ended, so no, it didn’t end 900 years ago. Not the biggest problematic thing Ted said, but come on

  • @damejanea.macdonald2371
    @damejanea.macdonald2371 Před 3 měsíci +2

    16:35 I wish this joking invocation of my body my choice didn't eventually turn into something right wingers will attempt to invoke in all seriousness.

  • @stvinney
    @stvinney Před 11 dny

    I imagine Ted being a very sad kid who no one liked
    Im sure there were "those kids" who were either too nice or didn't have a lot of options so they tried
    But given the choice between no friends and having Ted Cruz as a friend, everyone would embrace loneliness. Get a dog or something

  • @NoActuallyGo-KCUF-Yourself
    @NoActuallyGo-KCUF-Yourself Před 10 měsíci +2

    A comprehensive biography in under an hour - not a very interesting life this fellow, this Ted .. Cooz?