Small Talk | An Autie's Guide to Neurotypical Social Skills Ep. 3 [CC]
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- čas přidán 12. 09. 2024
- Small talk. One of the worst and most awkward things in the history of ever. I would say “for an autistic person” but I have never heard anyone, regardless of neurotype, seem even vaguely pleased at the concept.
The thing is, though, it is kinda important for networking, making new friends, job interviews, getting along with those cousins you only see once a year, and also just for regular conversations with your best friends. So today we're gonna talk about small talk, why it sucks, and some tips and tricks to get better at it.
Learn about other social skills things here - • An Autie's Guide to Ne...
Why Small Talk Sucks - • why small talk sucks
An Autistic Social Butterfly’s Guide to Making Friends - / an-autistic-social-but...
The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules by Jennifer Cook O’Toole
Autism & small talk - @neurodivergent_lou on instagram
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How to support an autistic person - www.disabledau...
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oh my god your talking speed is perfect I feel like everyone talks so slow and express their points in a manner of waste of time. I normally 1.5 speed lol xD instant sub :D
I had to slow down the speed 😮
Yeah, their talking speed is perfect, not too much and not too slow.
One useful thing I've heard, paraphrased by me, is "small talk is prospecting."
[Prospecting is when you have a plot of land and you go looking for indicators of oil, gold or other delicious and profitable treats from the mineral kingdom.]
What are you prospecting for? The opportunity for a friendship or other less shallow social connection. Or maybe just the opportunity for a shallow but still enjoyable social connection.
How to do it? One strategy I want to try out is talking not just about the weather, but about how the weather relates to me and what it means to me.
them> "It sure is windy today"
me> "Yeah. The sunlight is nice, but the wind makes it hard to play card games in the park/garden/balcony/outdoors."
them> [...]
me> if they talked about card games, maybe mention the wind is a good opportunity to play board games indoors. Down this road you might get to "Do you like board games too?" and "Oh, you like [insert game here] too?! Wanna play it some time?"
me> if they talk about their own hobbies and how it relates to the wind: ask a question about it, maybe about an aspect you think interests both parties, or else about something you'd like to learn about.
me> if they just talk about more weather: mention that wind is best suited for indoor hobbies, ask if they have any.
This is for small talk with strangers and the very new people in your life you don't know deeply yet. When you're having close friends over, "hi how are you and the weather" (or whatever) is just the opening line that gets the conversation started.
Ur are a saint !! So useful, thank u 👍
Wow, I have never watched a video about these things and this literally sums up how I feel about conversing. This is amazing.
Hi great video. I think it's best that people with autism and ADHD learn about narcissistic behavior. To help with socializing with people. I always took it personally if people were rude and snobby and criticizing me or were laughing at me. Narcissistic people lack empathy and are not thinking about people's feelings. I always wondered why people were being rude or would make faces when I was talking to them. If people show disrespect they lack respect. What people say and do is all about them. A lot of people are too focused on themselves. They might lack tolerance with people and get snappy with people. Because they are too busy thinking about themselves and their problems. People might be snobby and critical with people with autism or ADHD . Because they don't have the same issues going on with themselves. That's why people with ADHD or Autism should not care about what others people say or do. What I have learned by observing disrespectful people. Is to understand they are only thinking about themselves. That's why people might be rude or over react and make a fuss about nothing. If we ignore drama we will feel calmer. I have noticed that a lot of people like pretending they are wonderful and perfect but they lack respect. It's best people with autism keep calm and carry on.
Your inflection is incredibly readable and I love how you talk fast enough that I don’t get bored but clearly enough so I can absorb everything! I really love how you explain how different neurotypes socialize with varying levels of depth, it was easy to understand and visualize.
Oh my god thank you, THANK YOU I'm new at my job and don't want to talk about being autistic but people see me as kinda weird even if i try to talk to them NOW I CAN LEARN PATTERNS.
Thank you again from Switzerland, I'm so MOTIVATED TO DO SMALL TALK TOMORROW!!!
You're gonna do so great!!
How are you doing? I started a part-time job as well. As someone with ADHD, it’s already overwhelming and starting conversations is hard. I’d love to hear some input if you have any! No pressure tho.
I looked this up after leaving work just now. I have a job that most people would hate- I'm a life model. No one speaks to me while I'm working but after the artist/instructor regularly makes small talk and I have to participate. Today he said, "blah blah winter something" and I said "well it's almost March, that's nearly spring in my book" and he said, "you got that right!" Then I said good to see you again and left and I was like, 'Hwhyyyy.... Did we just do that?!"
But you're right. I have to locate my own jobs, I rely on other artists in and around Philly to key me into places where I could find modeling jobs. If I'm happily but silently walking off, I might not work for weeks.
this video is so amazing and so helpful!!!! i’ve always been told my conversing feels like an interrogation!
This was perfect thank you
That video description made me chuckle hard. Thank you 🙏
Her Hippo answer is way more interesting, I want to know more😀
Waaaah!!! I don't wanna socialize! Do I have too? 😞
Oh alright, I'll listen to your advice... 😏
Thanks a lot. You've made me learn a lot of stuff about small talks
i feel like an alien in conversations sometimes, some people feel tricky to vibe with, and sometimes my vibes feel impossible, vOv but we try and it works out most the time somehow \o/
ooo, i like this game metaphor, the glowstick connectors lolol
omg the way you described the suffering of getting thru small talk as an autistic person was sooooo accurate
I ask people all the time if they want problem solving or just need to vent too!
I got to turn off my 1.25x speed… thanks and great job!
She said it sucks 😂. Yea i agree it sucks that it's necessary for neurotypicals. I tend to tell the honest answers and people are uncomfortable, and i avoid people because conversation is a car crash and then they don't like that either. Can't ever win😅
So i wanna talk to my friends right and i often text on the gc bc no one else does much and i say stuff like "what did u do in life" "wyd this week or today" to find out what bc i want to know tbf, apart from eating and toilet and stuff i mean how was school and outings but the one who always replies ALWAYS SAYS "nothing much" and it cant mean she doesent like me bc we are supposed to be besties and meet up sometimes (used to be more often) can anyone tell me what they think this means bc i want to chat with her for some reason probably bc we nearly never do, then i will sometimes say something i like that i did or not like but am currently doing and she will always say tiny phrases like "cool" "nice" no emotion and totally different from me who nearly always tries to reply to every message and like this "SO COOL OMG" or "AMAZING" OR "WOW"
Definitely don’t make assumptions about what she might be thinking. I would say to ask her directly if you really want to know, which can be super intimidating, but trust me if she’s that close of a friend she shouldn’t even care! I’m not 100% sure of the situation, but generally, if someone’s not matching your energy or failing to fallow through w/ plans, it means they don’t value the connection as much as you might think. Again, don’t jump to conclusions, just ask. If things don’t work out well between you, there are always others who are much more worth your time.
@@oatmealraisincookiexwx oh thank you lots, Im pretty sure I was overthinking and now I'm thinking reasonably and am like whaaaaat I thought that!??, we are besties and meet up a bit it's kinda hard BC we are busy at diff times, we recently were together it was great as usual, we are very different but somehow get along 🤣🤣🤣🙌🙌🩷 I think its just my personality being different to hers i think shes just the type to say stuff like that maybe it doesent mean ewt and is just what shes like bc im just like text in caps alot and stuff and she isnt i think its like just how ppl are loll tysm tho idk but yeah tysm
@@hi-og6fn Perspective can change a lot, right? 😭
@@oatmealraisincookiexwx YEAH 💀
this is amazing, thank you so much
Love this
Hi,
I had question, someone please help me.
So I have been in a class for more than one year now. But i have limted myself to talking to 1 or 2 person. I never interacted with others at all. How do i start with conversation with others? What would most unawkward way to start with it ?
"Hi there! I noticed you have a Dimension 20 pin on your backpack, what's your favorite campaign? I'm so-and-so by the way, nice to meet you" Best thing is to just go and do it! It's hard but it gets easier over time, I promise :)
Hippos are like the deadliest animal in africa, I think I heard that, they got a bad attitude, lol.
Honestly, who the fuck cares how you respond to small talk. I respond with my truth, so yeah If someone asks how I am doing and instead of saying good or whatever like everyone says. I'll say, I'm really stressed because of this situation because I am a perfectionist blah blah blah. There are no rules of how you should respond to anything just be yourself and be honest and I don't care if that's socially acceptable or not, because I don't care what other people think, I am going to be me. So fuck em!
This didn’t help at all