10 Red Flags That You Are Dealing With A Narcissist
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- čas přidán 3. 08. 2024
- It seems people are getting more selfish, self-centred, and entitled by the day, but how can you tell if you - or someone you love - is a narcissist or just plain selfish. In this video, I will provide you with 10 questions to help you differentiate a narcissist from a selfish person. A word of caution... please don't take any of these questions in isolation, but rather look at all of your answers to give you a broader view.
If this video resonates with you, please like, share, and subscribe so that others might find help in it as well! I would so greatly appreciate it. 💜
It's my intention that everyone who watches gets at least one important take-away. 🙏
/ @liseleblanc
About Me
Hi! I'm Lise Leblanc. I am a therapist, life coach, and author of 9 self-healing guides. I have over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
For information about private consultations, please visit: liseleblanc.ca/products/coaching
Introduction (0:00)
1: Are You Capable of LOVE? (1:00)
2: Do You Want to "Own" Your Partner? (2:34)
3: Fantasy World (3:19)
4: Feel Superior (4:19)
5: Empathy (5:10)
6: Point of View (6:23)
7: Real or Mask (6:54)
8: Distort Reality (7:47)
9: One-sided Boundaries (8:20)
10: Arguments (9:00)
#narcissist, #NPD, #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder, #covertnarcissism, #femalenarcissist
1. Do you need to set up a chaotic environment to form an attachment?
- Selfish: No
- Narcissist: Yes
2. Are you desperate to "own" another human being?
- Selfish: No
- Narcissist: Yes
3. Are you preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited power, money, love etc.?
- Selfish: No, they can have dreams and aspirations but also be present in the moment.
- Narcissist: Yes. They only care about their dream of success.
4. Do you prefer to be around people who are inferior to you?
- Selfish: Individuals don't see other people as inferior
- Narcissist: Yes, it is easier to control them.
5. Do you lack empathy for others?
- Selfish: No. They have empathy for others.
- Narcissist: Yes but that does not mean that they are unable to fake empathy either.
6. The selfish person will have their own perspective but they can look and see the perspective of others.
7. Do you feel real or do you feel like you're always acting to gain something?
- Selfish: They feel like they are their authentic selves. They are able to take accountability for their actions.
- Narcissist: Live in a state where they are always wearing a mask.
8. Do you intentionally distort a person's sense of reality?
- Selfish: No
- Narcissist: Yes
9. Do you create rules and boundaries that are only applicable to the other person in the relationship and not yourself?
- Selfish: No. A selfish person, if they set a boundary, knows that the boundary applies to themself as well.
- Narcissist: Yes. The boundary is set for the other person And not the narcissist.
10. Do you win arguments by pushing the other person's emotional buttons?
- Selfish: No
- Narcissist: Yes
Great summary! ❤
Thank you. Taking self inventory. I know we all have a bit of toxicity in us. I'm doing my best to identify mine. And change it
A human pet to my narcissist... this is exactly what I have become and my self esteem, which was poor at the beginning of the relationship, has become almost none existent now. Your video is very accurate about the narcissist's behavior.
Female narcissists have the advantage of using family court to use their pets as slaves. And it’s all legal.
@@lavintella and what exactly would I be apologizing for? I just find it odd that society has women thinking that these cluster B personality traits are more in men.. That can't be further from the truth. Women tend to be covert narcissist. And they're much more dangerous. These are the types of women that will have two men fighting for her love.
Me to. On the same page.
This woman is awsome im having so many flashbacks... years of them!
Thank you for describing such clear distinctions on understanding narcissistic vs. selfish ways of being. It was very helpful.
I was a “nice guy” a bit of a simp, did therapy etc and 2 years later I am quite selfish, it is because I feel like I have wasted so much time in my past being there for others and helping them.
Haha I feel that too at 46 years old, greedy for the prospect to stop people pleasing and please myself more often. How amazing to be able to feel free to do that😊!
The other aspect of the 'human pet' is narcs often like to give someone they want to control a pet nickname. And when they say it it's often in a condescending tone of voice. They also might ask you a question but are not interested in your actual response. They ask it because they want you to jump through their hoops. It often goes "So tell me...." with a smirk on their face.
Hi Henry, your question about pet nickname for a person to me seems very important. My ex-wife referred to her mother as " the mouse" and called our daughters ! "Bello" and "Struppy"... Sounds sweet ? No, it turned out to be dangerous.. for the girls and for their grandmother ... towards her selfish or narcissistic? mother it was kind of revenge, but to the girls it was a crime...
I love your videos. You are so knowledgeable on this topic. My ex narc: lived in a fantasy land, lacked empathy...would laugh at others misfortune & wanted to control me WHILE doing whatever SHE wanted, when she wanted and without question. Listening to you makes me feel so much better and also realize that I'm not crazy or the bad person she liked to believe I was.
I have had the exact same experience.
@@brianreed8271ugh. I am so sorry. It's such a horrible, anxiety/depression producing situation and people who haven't been through it do not understand. It's not normal "relationship" disagreements or turmoil. NOTHING we do will ever be good enough for them AND they will always want more and take, take, take. With that, add that they are not the least bit interested in resolving anything or to compromise. Its all about them and while they want full control of you, they are out doing whatever they want...and God help you if you question them in any way. They will literally drain you mentally, emotionally and financially. I'm starting to rebuild now...my physical and emotional health and finances. Do yourself a favor and RUN. Nothing will ever get better with this type of person.
@@byefelicia7736 I ran, no contact for two and a half years now. Still working through the emotional baggage. I stayed in their way too long, lost myself.
@@brianreed8271 same here... lost myself too. It takes so long to recover from these people. I have ZERO desire to date again. They are completely exhausting.
@@byefelicia7736I went out with a woman earlier this summer a couple of times. I don't know if I can tell the difference between new boundaries and old baggage. All I can see is red flags. So I bailed from that situation. I'm just learning how to be alone right now. I know I'll never fully trust anybody again, I'm trying to learn how to trust myself. I've been learning a lot about myself. It was a big mystery why I stayed in it for so long. I put up with a lot of BS in that 14 years. I'm starting to understand why I let it happen. I can tell you it will never happen like that again. I had no idea what emotional abuse was, even while I was being abused. I am an expert now.
I believe they existed years ago with no diagnosis .We called them selfish and users .
Your videos are saving my from insanity. They are very accurate. Thank you very much.
Again I like your incredible in detail analysis. I asked myself sometimes, if I am a narcissist too. Because I have sometimes phases of rage, like a narcissist.
But I am not.
This video is especially instructive and clarifying . Thank you
I have not had an affair, and I am unaware if my partner has had either. So much of these things showed up in our relationship. I felt like my mind was being juggled. Partner said they never lied, and exploded when caught lying. I think she got boundaries confused with threats. So much rage towards me. Breaking of stuff, and evolved to violence. I do like admiration and approval. Just saying. But is is not all I want. I love it when most other people, friends, and family do well. This is such wonderful work. It makes a difference. I recommend watching as many of them as possible. They are bite sized pieces of easily digestible wisdom. And they are not caught up so that one concentrates on Pathology, rather on what feels or shows up in the real world. Thank you.
Thank you so much Lise.
One of your best videos yet. Thanks, Lisa~
This was SO helpful! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I have been, for the most of my time, in search of the ideal, fantasy based relationship. One where I can express myself fully, healthily, respectfully, with my own boundaries, and hoping to one day find someone to grow together, compromise, find a common ground where we both may find the work of integrating into one another's life rewarding. I fantasise (very often) that I will find someone who also wishes for those things, someone that sees it as a journey to step through together. I don't know if this means I'm always in my fantasy world, because I haven't been able to find someone like that. The only ones I committed to over the last decade of my life, were ones who pretended to want them, but instead wanted an instant version of it, without having to put in any real work. I'm starting to think I'm dillusional and something is fundamentally wrong with me, to want something so difficult to obtain and unrealistic. Like a square peg, in the universe of round holes, nothing every truely fits. No doubt, I would die of old age before such person turns up, or til I find this person, or maybe, or maybe not. I try to be realistic, and tell myself there's no that "one magic person". It's too much pressure to put onto someone that I haven't even met yet, and I keep this in mind and tread lightly. But back there in the far, throbbing corner of my heart, its silence can at times be quite deafening.
I feel the same way, always have and probably always will, but reading your words doesn t let me give up that ideal, because it confirms there others who want the same thing, there must be a way, with solid healing and boundaries, by not giving up on our humanness, maybe this dream can become truthful
Thank you...
Excellent video as always. It's great to check others but I wonder if a narcissistic person can answer those test questions honestly? 🤔
Stunning
This is a helpful distinction. Thanks for this info. Can you please provide the distinction between narcissism and immaturity?
❤️your Videos!.......hug from germany ! 🙂
Lise' - Thank you. That's all I have to say... I'm understanding it wasn't me in my situation. She's messed up.... John
Question I've been asking in my head from the last few days
Excellent
i have think to my ex with your speachs for understand if she was a selfish or a narcisist, thankyou
But let's not forget, she was the most selfish person I'd ever encountered. It took a while to see it.
I wonder does it matter if she is selfish or just narcissist when she does not do things for me and when she does it still feels that I should thank her and see her as gold. Finally she did something for me. Or I have issues but she does not see any problem with herself. And her appology "yes yes I did that now are you happy"? Lack of real accountability.
My ex felt like a narcissist. After watching this, there's no doubt that I spent 9 months in a relationship with a textbook narcissist. When I was tired of being depressed, angry, hurt, ignored, worried that she was cheating though she blamed me (I'm 50. I've never cheated on any of my partners) for "flirting" / cheating when I was simply cordial when dealing with others... she ended it with me. Given all that I've seen in videos and talking with others, the theory is that my standing up for myself threatened her "supply". Any thoughts?
Here's the painful truth to your question. Everything she was accusing you of, she was doing. It's called projection and they do it to convince themselves that you were cheating on them, so they had to cheat on you. Don't even try to wrap your mind around the things that they do, it will make zero sense and you can never change their minds and can never make them love you. I've tried for almost 3 decades. It was a total waste of my time, but I sure learned a lot.
I got 10/10. I'm a 100% total abusive narcissist psychopath.
I just don’t know about my ex and I’m confused. The entire relationship was confusing but I miss her.
Same here. She treated me so bad but sometimes treated me so well.
@@davidm4566 that's the trick. they are often be affectionate one day then they withdraw that affection. add in blowing up other minor things and ignoring those very same things the next day. look back on your time with her. i bet you a $100 to a buscuit that you were subject to this twisted behaviour.
Stockholm syndrome....look it up!
Cheers and walk on 💪🏼🙏🏻
@@castieldiallo2945 I would totally owe you $100 if that were a real bet. For example, I'm into action figures (don't judge, they are cool!)
Anyway, my first birthday together, she bought me some because she thought it was "cute" that I could be into imaginative things. Later, she not only refused to get me anymore, but she would make like "jokes" about how she would not buy me more.
Like, why? Get them for me or don't, but don't rub it in my face how terrible they and how you would never get them again.
As a disclaimer: I kept them in shoeboxes out of sight. There were a few out on display, but not many.
@@davidm4566 narcs pay attention to your hangups. they will use it against you. as for the action figures, based on what you said she was belittling you. she took the role if the parent.
I'm schizoid but also help people. However I certainly can't or won't attempt to fix a narcissist, lol.
Key word on dealing with narcism is " fix "....that seems to be the carrot for men who want to rescue a woman who fell on hard times. Later, we find out she created her own problems.
Ah ha, I'm just selfish. It is more of an accident because of Autism. I don't mean to be selfish, but I don't think about others as often as myself, because I am simply not other people. This video was very helpful for me. Squidward from the TV show Spongebob Squarepants is a good example of Narcissism, while Patrick is just Selfish? I don't know, I'm not very good at identifying people.
A friend of mine is autistic and I don’t think it would be reasonable even to call him selfish. His mind just operates differently than average in how he processes information. I can see how it might appear selfish to a bystander though. I find him fascinating to discuss ideas with in any case. All the best to you.
yes thankyou lise, i have love your videos and i go support your job
Number 3
11:00
Do traditional societies see narcissist traits as features not🐞bugs? In Bullet Train, Ladybug👆🏻is Brad Pitt’s code name. Mr🐞’s spots are said to represent humanity’s 5 sorrows. At least in Japan.
Human pet !!! 🤯🤯🤯ouch …
😮😢❤
Dear Audience: Be AWARE that ALL of these videos you are watching all have ONE BIG GIANT FLAW. That “a narcissist” is malicious and calculated (and in the way the author of the video is stating). It’s not true AT ALL. Often times, a CZcams channels author is using the platform to have the epitome of a public forum to call someone (under the guise of professional help, expertise, etc) else the narcissist and as a way to abuse the other person. Observation and analysis has demonstrated that typically the person calling someone a narcissist, is the narcissist. Evaluate YOU (why do you look at the splinter in my eye and not the plank in yours)? Imagine if Jesus took “your” stance - labeling people as the problem and Himself not. These videos are helpful to organize your uncontrolled thoughts, feelings of injustice and gaining the win or validation….but recognize that. Beyond this it is not helpful and why are you so obsessed with figuring them out. You either relate to them and accept them or you cut them off from your life. Do you not have enough worries about you, your faults, responsibilities, plans, future, then to obsess over someone else? Reality is, anyone who is “a narcissist” is like a blue screen on your computer. There is a dysfunction there and a problem. Yelling at it telling the computer how dysfunctional it is or the reason you think it has a blue screen does nothing to change it and makes you look psychotic. Just like the people who hammered nails into Jesus hands and feet, they did not arrive at that point from a newborn baby to the point of murdering. A lot happened TO THEM to get them there. You cannot fix it, if you wish you can try to love them and change them but that’s all you can do. What is best is acceptance and wisdom for yourself. These videos are best for you to control your thoughts, not to use them as bullets towards your enemy.
And what happens when we think we are the narcissist? I have called my father a narcissist, but I myself recognize I am like my father, and probably worse than him. Still I can recognize that in myself , therefore I see it in others as well. Or am I just projecting?
What do you mean when you speak about inferior people? Do you mean truly inferior people, like what?
Thanks.
My man is a narissts
Yeah, she was definitely a narcissist.
I enjoy narcissistic videos cause it helps me manipulate people..
PLEASE I BEG YOU MAKE CHINESE SUBTITLES PLEASEEEE