End estrangement from narcissistic toxic adult children
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- čas přidán 25. 08. 2024
- Hi, I’m Ben Leichtling, president of Bullies Be Gone. We’re gonna talk about how to get the bullies gone from your life. Specifically, we’ll talk about how to end estrangement from narcissistic, toxic, adult children.
You were not a bad parent; you didn’t do anything particularly wrong. If anything you gave too much. But now these adult bullies blame you for everything in their past and for all their present problems.
The pain is excruciating when our angry, vindictive, adult children threaten that they’ll never let us see our beloved grandchildren unless:
1. We accept guilt for all their feelings, bad decisions and failures; 2. We accept repeated torment and beatings (verbal and sometimes physical);
3. We love and like them unconditionally no matter how rotten they’ve been.
4. We give them everything they demand at the moment; and
5. We kiss their feet whenever they want.
The hatred and anger, the manipulating and controlling, the bullying and abuse, goes on and on.
Often, our child has married a controlling bully who hates us or wants us to bribe them with money or to pay with a pound of flesh to be allowed to see our grand-children. And our child goes along with their spouse’s abuse.
They misinterpret and twist everything so they can feel righteous while they stab us.
They trigger our guilt for every little parenting mistake. They trigger our wishful thinking that if only we say the right thing or gave them enough now, they’ll finally forgive us and straighten their miserable lives out.
Their wanting is endless. No matter what we do, it’s wrong. We’re condemned if we do something and condemned if we don’t. They still blow up and abuse us. The more we give, the more they torment us. Unless they’re being nice for a while because they want something.
Now we have to face the bitter truth:
1. We’ll never say the right thing that they’ll accept; 2. We’ll never do enough; 3. They’ll never forgive us and act nice. 4. They simply don’t have the same values and rules that we do. 5. They want to beat us into submission.
We’ll never stop their attacks by the ways we all try - over and over again: we explain, we reason, we defend ourselves, we say it’s not so bad, we teach, we plead, we beg, we bribe, we appease and we use the Golden Rule. We try to understand, as if that will help us do the right thing. We forgive and come back for more.
It’s as if alien predators have taken over our child’s mind and body. Our child has become a hungry wolf who wants to make our lives miserable. Relentless bullies are predators who go after the weak, the isolated and those who don’t resist.
Bullies and predators typically see avoidance and kindness, reasoning and negotiating, as weakness. If we advertise that we’re desperate, if we beg, if we blow up and then come back to build a bridge, if we suffer in silence, relentless bullies think we’re victims waiting to be bullied.
Our grandchildren need to see us be strong, to see us protect ourselves. We must guard our personal ecology. We can’t allow anyone to poison our lives - even our children. We’ll get what we put up with, so put up only with quality.
What’s the price of tolerating bullies, even for a good cause? Slow erosion of our souls!
Make something wonderful out of your remaining 20-30-40-50 years. Be the hero of the rest of your life. Take charge of your future by taking charge of yourself.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how: 1. To take power in your life, 2. To be the person you want to be, and 3. To have a rich, full, wonderful life is to hire me for personalized coaching and counseling.
So please call me at 1-877-8Bullies, that’s 1-877-8Bullies, so we can create a plan that will be effective in your specific situation.
Here is another video that deals with toxic adult children:
• Toxic, Bullying, Narci...
• End estrangement from ...
What they see:
When I show saddness..I'm needy
When I try to understand ...I'm manipulating
When I'm angry...I'm abusive
When I'm passionate...I'm aggressive
When I'm kind..I'm weak
When I'm defensive...I'm selfish
When I offer advice..I'm crazy
When I show love...I'm ignored
Do you know my Son ?
That’s him in a Nutshell . Lol
yeah...or....when you show sadness, you manipulate
if you try to understand (phrasing is a manipulation in itself), you manipulate
if you are angry....guess what? you manipulate
you get the tune
to disregard the feelings of a person like this is cruel.
@@Dragonfly_vbz oh. pardon my english. ill stop trying to sound sophisticated.
Simple english: It's your fault if your children estrange you.
Wow....I know the feeling. I'm bullied by my mid-30s daughter who reconnected with me. When we are together I say as little as possible & find myself despising being near her. (foolishly I'm renting house from her & can't afford to leave) She's off on wknd vaca to my son's in another state who hasn't spoken to me in 3 yrs. I can only imagine the laughs they'll be having at my expense. Her & grandkids make fun of me all time.
Bingo! Anything I say is twisted into something totally different. When I try to explain what I mean and diffuse the situation, they just keep turning it around and say I'm lying. That's for the birds. It isn't worth the misery.
My problem is i don't care anymore. I have put it behind me and i will move on. If they never call me or come to see me it just doesn't matter anymore. I love and forgive them but don't like being around them and that is ok because I am suppose to forgive and love them anyway but i don't have to like them and their ways. And i don't have to be around them.
Deborah Wright I feel the exact same way. I'm still holding on to a lot of anger right now though. Pondering my anger... One anger issue I have is everyone else who doesn't understand why we've walked away. Also the fact that in my son's eyes ive somehow done him wrong instead of the other way around. I'm so happy to read all the comments and know I'm NOT alone!
The narcissists are you idiotic adult parents who failed your children and can't seem to understand why the want nothing to do with you. Oh it's their fault, i'm not to blame. They're the bullie's for expressing resentment. Not me. Scapegoating at it's best. Who birthed who? Who raised who? Idiots. You deserve your estrangement. Hope you never get to see you children or grandchildren again. There better off without you.
@@TheSpaceNegro haha and thats why your mom thinks you're an ass right,?
I have gotten to that point😒
@@oddsandendsofstuff Nope my mother and I have a wonderful relationship. I'm just capable of objectivity. If you were a shitty parent, your kid will probably estrange you. Time for a little introspection. What did I do wrong as a parent?......it all starts with the parent. Who raised who? Who birthed who? Who neglected who? who abused who? It all stars with the parent....or lack there of. I've known plenty of shitty parents who cant fathom why thier kids want nothing to do with them. I know though. I witnessed the fuckery every time I came to my friends house. Of course the parents can't see it.So they blame the kids. No Janet and Bill Its your fault. My mom was a great parent. So she has me in her life. She sewed the seeds for a healthy adult relationship with her offspring through my developmental years. Parent's who are estranged simply didn't sew the seeds. did't water them or nurture them correctly. So they have a failed crop. I swear the concept of cause and effect escapes soooo many of you. Parents=cause. Children=effect
My mother abused me from the day I was born. She was my first bully. Put me in the hospital after throwing me when I was seven. Tried to drown me when I was ten. Used to throw me down flights of stairs. Once made me stand still while she used a brush to brush my face. When my dad had Alzheimer’s, I had to go back to family to protect him from her. She had slashed his face open with a wine glass. There are reasons adult children leave their parents. No one chooses that decision without good reason.
I'm so sorry that happened to you but what you said is stereotyping. The parents on this feed are anguishing over their estrangement from their children and if they didn't care, they wouldn't bother to be here pouring their hearts out. No parent is perfect, but you should realize even the best parents end up with children who are narcissistic, ungrateful, and self serving. I hope you heal but realize many flawed adults aren't that way from their parents.
I am sorry for what you went though, but yours is an extreme case and no one would expect you ever to be reconciled with such a parent. Many parents who are estranged from their adult children, like me, have no idea why though. We were loving, caring and supportive and did our best yet have been rejected.
NOBODY goes no contact with their parents for no reason. The parents are bullies pretending they don’t know why and they are trying to continue the abuse.
@@carlariggs525 "No parent is perfect." How come every parent who says that refuses to acknowledge or work on their imperfections?
That's awful. I'm sorry.
You can see the hatefulness burned onto this creature's face.
Lmao “creature”
I can believe this video is for real. I thought it was a parody.
If your kids are toxic and narcissistic, why do you want a relationship with them?
Because the love you have for your child is so strong its beyond words. Something like that is almost impossible to let go of.
@@standinginthegap7118 yes but if they are grown you have to choose yourself. You can love them from a distance.
Spot on
As a natalist, parents impose their will and bring them into this world without consent. There is an inherent duty to guide, nurture, and support.
“They simply will not forgive us” , what is it that needs forgiving?
My dad abused my mom, broke my jaw, drove drunk with my sister in his truck, was an adulterer and alcoholic, and lived a double life of debauchery and manipulation. I’ve forgiven him since and we have a budding relationship, albeit most likely wouldn’t be possible without me seeking help in the form of therapy. That’s where I fogrgive him. But for us to have a rich, engaging relationship, work needs to be done on his end as well. Counseling, therapy, healing, a recognition of what is and what’s been. If the child is constantly being the bigger person, who’s really the narcissist?
@@Taeodoestech I am truly so sorry for everything that you've been through. That's really horrible. I'm glad you have forgiven your dad for yourself. Bitterness inside a person is like drinking poison. Clearly, your dad is a narcissistic piece of work.
Unfortunately, many times it is the child that grows up to literally beat their parents black and blue, take drugs, steal, burn the carpet in the house, destroy the parents marriage only to curse that parent out and abandon them. My cousin has an adopted son that did this to her.She gave up everything for him, even went bankrupt trying to help him. I only say this because, stuff like this Unfortunately, goes both ways.
You sound like an amazing person, and you deserved better. And honestly, you still do. I want you to take care of yourself and don't let your Dad manipulate or hurt you again. You have my respect
This situation is horrible. It's hard to describe vindictive adult children who had EVERYTHING growing up. The only thing I regret is doing so much. If I could do it all over again I wouldn't have gave them a thing. I would have lived within my means as a single parent and not went above and beyond to compensate for the missing one. This narcissistic behavior is a curse on everything good.
I know your pain!! It sucks so bad!!!!!
I feel you
Worded perfectly
sounds like bullshit.
If only we could have a do over.
Sadly, I am experiencing this now. I very much appreciate your words, manner and life experience.
How are you doing my dear?
Praying for your circumstances 🙏
I am looking into starting a group for those of us who are dealing with horrific behaviors. Maybe we just chat with each other to cope. Maybe we come together to reveal what this type behaviors do to others .💖🙏
Parents need to own up to their toxic attitudes and stop playing the victim. The relationship you have today with your child is years of work you put into. Now enjoy your hard work. And adult child placing Healthy boundaries with toxic parents is healing ❤️🩹. Stop acting so innocent
@@ms.moreno8471 When the adult child is an alcoholic and substance abuser who has isolated a grandchild from almost an entire family because said family members who have been discarded recognize the substance abuse...the victim is the child. In addition the adult child needs an intervention as their parent who witnessed them become we what they are into their adulthood not an as adolescent will seek help for their adult child and their grandchild now.
Because of the abuse to the child and lack of control of the adult child who now suddenly after living wonderfully their whole life (as they have stated this themselves many times.)
No I am not a victim.
My adult child chooses to be the victim of the substances my adult child abusers. My grandchild is her victim when is my adult child is under the influence of alcohol and drugs. Nasty, devaluing and mean to my grandchild.
My adult child's drug supplier and the very few enablers my adult child has left days are coming to an end.
Justice is on its way.
@@ILovemydogEcho I've been looking into starting a group for us also. Praying for us all. 🙏🏻✝
Same here, unfortunately. Prayers. 🙏🏻
My grown, single daughter had a baby, brought her baby daughter home from the hospital, left her with me and popped in and out when she wanted and left her for me to care for. I cared for her as if she were my own. As I had cared for my daughter. To love and care for her and be there for her. I never spoke ill of my daughter for leaving her baby with me but I did think at first it was post partum depression and would pass. My daughter began to be very critical of me. Everything I said or did. I began to withdraw from her. To be quiet around her. My granddaughter is now 5. I have cared for her every day of her life except the hours I was at work. I only worked 3 days a week. I came home from work one day 3 months ago and my daughter had taken my granddaughter and left. No word that she was leaving. No idea where they went. Blocked from calling her. No contact with her or my granddaughter. 1 phone call from granddaughter and she said, Nana I need to see you. I was only allowed 3 minutes to speak to her that one time. Why did my daughter do this? To punish me because I asked her, how can everything I say or do be wrong? I said, there's good in everybody. Nobody can do everything wrong. She was yelling at me and complaining because I gave my granddaughter applesauce. I said if you hate me so much, why do you stay? I didn't say it hatefully. I asked her in a very questioning voice. I really wondered. I had never said that out loud before but had wondered. Next day she was gone. No contact. If I can't understand, how can a 5 year old?
I’m guessing your daughter is a millennial…they’ve been handed most things on a plate compared to the boomers most of whom lived independently by the age of 21. A lot of millennials still get parental support in their thirties and probably even early forties, and for some reason they feel they’re entitled to it. After making many sacrifices to give our now 36 year old son a private education and the very best start in life including helping him buy his first property he became very successful and earned a six figure salary until July 2021 when he jacked in his job to support BLM issues. My sin? I told him he was committing “career suicide” and not to do it. Now he seems to really dislike me and has become very critical of me. Of course I hope this new road he has taken becomes a success but right now I feel all our hard work and going without holidays etc to give him every advantage was all for nothing.
Don’t worry Debbie either your daughter will bring your granddaughter back or your granddaughter will eventually come to you I k ow it’s painful it happened to me
Debbie I believe there’s a reason for everything and her not being in your life will help you take care of yourself you already raised your daughter and tour granddaughter it’s her responsibility I know it hurts very much but think about yourself do things that you love to do even if it’s going for a walk in the park enjoy your life it took my daughter 5 years to call me her and her partner now are in debt and can’t get an apartment because of their debt and credit he didn’t like working before but now they realize after living with his parents it’s not easy they have to be responsible and go to work to get their own apartment if things would of been different I would had helped them but now they have to get their own don’t make life easy for them because they will take advantage just like she doesn’t have a heart by Letting you see your granddaughter she would not have a heart for anything else
Big hugs...your daughter is toxic and sadly you got the brunt...she is trying to hurt you through your granddaughter..it's a manipulation tactic by punishing you since you didn't get with her program of just being used and unappreciated, but keep your mouth shut about it. That is no life, even so it's extremely painful to lose contact with your granddaughter and your daughter knows it. It's not love for you that she can be that cruel to you. She doesn't love herself and might return when she needs to use you again, she will twist the blame onto you, see if you accept it, then manipulate you with guilt. It's no life for you. There's nothing you can do about her, you only have control over yourself and this includes self love and self respect, and NOT allowing abuse and control into your life, family or not. You have given your granddaughter a stable, loving, safe and secure foundation, this will have to be enough for now knowing this was your purpose and that you did good. Find your own life in hobbies, friends and in others for your own self, you deserve happiness and unconditional love too, even if just from yourself at the start of you rebuilding your life. If your daughter returns, keep her at arms length, only offering time spent with your granddaughter. Set these boundaries and keep them strong. Don't be fooled again or allow manipulation or allowing your daughter to control you through what hurts you most, namely your granddaughter. Once your daughter sees that you won't accept her narcissistic attitude even at the painful expense of her pulling your granddaughter out of your life again, then if this tactic no longer works the horrible cruel game your daughter is playing won't work...the Game requires two players..only one player left (being your daughter), then there is NO GAME...GAME OVER. Good luck and big hug to you dear. ❤
So sorry that is so sad and hurtful
As a parent I had to realize that I'm not responsible for my children's lives after they become adults. I'm not perfect, no parent is, but I know I did the best job I could raising them. I'm still the person I was before I had children and I'm going to take care of myself now and do the things I couldn't do while I was raising my children. I have put up with bullying from my children plenty, even though they are all very successful. I think these adult children get the idea their lives should be perfect and they blame others and parents when it isn't because they still haven't learned to cope with their problems and face life. By being there for them even though they're bullying, blaming and abusing me, I'm perpetuating that cycle. I'm learning to emotionally detach myself and refusing to tolerate the bullying anymore even if I have to remove myself from their lives. I've realized I have to get my own life and I deserve to have one; a life without bullies of any kind. They seem to be everywhere.
Im moving down to North Carolina to live with my sis and BIL....because I need to be around warm, loving people who value me. I thought that would be my kids...but they have become just like dad...bullying...blaming...and scapegoating. Sad.
Glad to hear that we can move on even though there is a pain in my heart for not seeing my grandchildren I know God will turn things around one day God bless you ladies and stay strong
Very well said. You hit the nail on the head. We weren't raised that way at all . But this generation of adult kids don't want to do anything but guilt trip us, blame us ,manipulate, lie, use us. To me, they are very selfish and don't want to take accountability for their actions or mistakes. So heck, let's deflect or project it onto mom or dad.
Well said, that’s what I’m doing now.
I guess it is hard for us because we cared for our parents till they died; it’s what we did freely with love.
Maybe the problem is that you have been emotionally detached their entire childhood and thought you where entitled to have a relationship with when their adulthood. Continue to be emotional detached and continue to play the victim. Keep your crazy over there while the adult child agains distance and healing
You could not have said it any better... I love you Sir... Excellent Video...My estranged daughter told me that it did not matter to her if I was dead, within 48 hours, I had her removed from a $300,000.00 life insurance policy because I said to myself that she may feel that way but I refuse to allow her to get paid for it... She no longer speaks to me at all... God is helping me through it...
You did the right thing. God will bless you.
@@nickgoodwood4812 Thank you so much... God will bless you more...
I did the same with my narc son , 36 year old disrespectful punk can go cry to my mom and she believes him as he says he’s the victim …. But I’m done ✅ Victim of what mooching ? Theses narcs can disrespect all they want but the minute u don’t allow them to live with you and submit to their tantrums. Your the bad one ! I changed my insurance as well !
It's interesting how you claim to not be a narc but purposely punish your child.
Good for you she doesn’t deserve a thing I am doing the same with mine nothing for them
I have finally realized that all the love, the gifts, the reaching out will never be enough for someone in my family. After decades of allowing the judgement and harsh words wound me and carrying this burden, I have finally used the scissors I've been given 100's of times, cut the cord and found my freedom. This person no longer has the power to hurt me. I can now get on with my life without these dark shadows. I realize now that no one can take away the love I have for my grandchildren even though I may never get to see them grow up and that's just how it is. So thankful I'm moving on.
Yes, that is what I have had to accept too. But my heart is still loving and it will always be. You have to wonder what kind of heart or place of heart our children have to do such a grave punishment against their parent(s).
The narcissists are you idiotic adult parents who failed your children and can't seem to understand why the want nothing to do with you. Oh it's their fault, i'm not to blame. They're the bullie's for expressing resentment. Not me. Scapegoating at it's best. Who birthed who? Who raised who? Idiots. You deserve your estrangement. Hope you never get to see you children or grandchildren again. There better off without you.
The SpaceNegro: your posts are almost hateful in their repetition of blame at parents who often did the bst they could but for one reason or many ended up with entitled, bullying children. They were literally TOO good to them, is often the problem.
@@TheSpaceNegro .... you're needing to grow up and take your own pathetic inventory.....😠
@@TheSpaceNegro What goes around comes around, it's called "karma", FOOL! & you'll get yours 10x's over! I'm watching this happen from afar...take responsibility for your foolish choices & stop blaming your parents...You got everything that you wanted, knew everything at 15, grow the hell up already! It must be difficult being you. Pity the fool.
The projection is very strong
I came to the point where I can't breath no more 😊
Any, is the correct word.
@@jenniferybarra380 Don't correct other people's grammar, you are not perfect and it's not your place to do this.
for years I was a victim and have not seen my grandsons for years... This is the very first time I have seen anyone who doesn't blame the parent. Thank you ...I have felt dispicable for years I gave them my soul when they were growing up and she threw me out for nothing.
For nothing? Come on…
I agree..it is ALWAYS the parents fault, but it’s NOT. We all have childhood wounds, every single person on earth…at 40 yrs old it’s time for them to get help for themselves!! We parents didn’t get up everyday saying we r going to damage our kids!!! It’s spouses, internet, friends, woke society, narcissi, “me” mentality that all play a role.
Us baby boomers didn’t have the best lives growing up either but you sure don’t see a lot of us bullying our parents, we have RESPECT for them, not telling them what they did wrong, who am I to tell them what the did wrong? They did the best they could! (Unless of course abuse of any kind was endured).
These adult children are so concerned about “how they feel”, well how do you think we feel when you go silent on us and don’t tell us why or allow us to speak for ourselves?
If a parent went silent on the adult child or bullied the, it’s abuse, but it’s ok for adult children to do this to their elder parents!!! All these abusive adult children need to get over themselves, get help and find love within themselves. Parents aren’t perfect and I don’t think you’ll find many that say they were/are, we are h7mans, not objects, we deserve respect, kindness and dignity also
@@hiddenhand6973
I called my out on abusing my grandson...that I had everyday since his birth....at night she agter she got home and I left she would scream in his face and demean him. Called fing idiot 3 yrs. Every night. As he got older he told this.
I simply without getting her arrested wanted to give her a chance to get better.
I tried helping her with her alcoholism by paying her rent and all her bills.
Pay for whatever she needed to get through and stop cocaine and alcohol without anyone knowing she was getting help as not to ruin her reputation.
Let her rehab in peace.
My husband (not her father) did not mind helping her but she lied and became a prostitute in her condo building.
Narcissitic people can not deal with truth. They discard people no matter who they are and find another round of victims by playing the victim.
Very sad.
You say you were thrown out for mothing. Shows your lack of accountability and to understand. You aren't expected to fix it just acknowledge it and stop doing it.
@Run4yourlives . Nothing is an over, incorrectly used word. How would you feel if I said your parental abuse is nothing. Casting such an opinion indicates the direct lack of empathy the chuld has likely learned from the said parent.
I won't have anything to do with any of my 3 after this past weekend, i got tired of trying and being berated, judged, put down and the list goes on. Am totally DONE!!
I'm done too.
Me too!!!! Goodbye 3 .
I did not deserve this hand I have been delt. And all be damned if I will ever get over these last 3 years. They can stay gone.
I made the same decision to just be done with it. Still working on moving forward and it seems to be happening a little at a time. I have been berated, bullied, judged, and demeaned and I am sick of it.
@@cl9824-- I am with ya!! hang in there!!
So ... did you stick with this statement Glen? I'm just curious.
I used to love her unconditionally. Not anymore. I was disrespected, robbed, dominated, judged in all seconds. She is married with a worse narcissist than she is. It became intolerable. Exactly. This couple of mine wanted TOTAL submission from me. Any reasoning makes them hateful. I almost lost my soul such huge was their pressure
PS: I moved to another country. I went very very far.
I will be moving over 500 miles away from my controlling, manipulative, gaslighting daughter. I know the move alone will not heal my emotional trauma, but it is the first step. I will look for a therapist with experience in emotional trauma after the move.
❤️👏👏
Looking to move away myself
@@susanriese7572 it's VERY HARD to find a decent Therapist..
Good for you enjoy the rest of your life can’t wait to do the same so tired of hurting not to be able see my granddaughter but it will go away will find new friend God always puts good people in our way just pray
Ok, I am just going to say it: I am a Christian, and I believe The End is very, very close. The way parents describe their adult children sounds very much like 2 Tim 3:2: But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power. Avoid such men as these."
I really think satan has gone after, with a vengence, the last generation or two and he has warped the minds of young people. It's been getting worse for the last 30-40 years, and I fear it is going to get much, much worse. Parents, as hard as it is, you might need to let your kids go and realize only Jesus can save them, and you might be well-served to pray for them, and move on with your life.
Thank you for this powerful truth.
If you are a parent trying to cope with abuse from your adult child, my thoughts are with you! Another Father’s Day has passed & no call from our adult daughter. She stole our credit card & ran up $7,000 in 2 months. We should have made a police report, instead we just canceled the card & paid it. She was furious we got upset, called us cheap losers & blocked any calls or texts. We were the most loving parents & through therapy realize she never had empathy for anyone less fortunate then her. She always hated any volunteer work at the local food pantry & soup kitchen. Thank heavens she doesn’t have children! I can’t afford calls to Ben, but appreciate this video! There are several covert narcissist videos on CZcams that are helpful! Prayers & hugs to any family members struggling!
I think we enabled our kids and now they have NO respect for us. We gave them so much and that's what they expect. they take advantage of us and take us for granted.
She sounds narcissistic...they don't change. It doesn't get better. Sadly you will have to forge a life without her. In fact, for your well-being and safety, move and give no forwarding address, block her, and change your numbers...she could turn aggressive if she doesn't get to take/steal/manipulate you. It could easily turn detrimental, even dangerous. Sending you big hug and well wishes.
They view you merely as an ATM machine for them.
There is usually a reason for estrangement. Either the kids are protecting themselves from toxic parents, or they are abusing their own kids, and don't want other adults around to stop the abuse. Food for thought.
Or they are snowflakes "protecting" themselves from a parent who is giving them advice and they want to respond by doing the worst thing you can do to a parent. I would have never even though to disown my parents. These kids are not good human beings and I'm not going to try to have a relationship with anyone who can hurt someone else that much with absolutely no remorse. They ended the relationship and I'm in agreement with that. FINIS
Thank you. This helps to know I'm not alone and not alone in a guilt that is not my own
You aren't alone. And this is not your fault. I pray that God will heal and bless you
@@standinginthegap7118 God can't stand you.
Own what you can for yourself but it’s not bad to get boundaries
this is how my daughter is. I will not put up with her disrespectful and bullying behaviour. Even if it means I can't see my grandson.
Paula Good for her and her son. I'm glad at least one of you is decent enough to respect their child
so true
Daughter
Paula.I'm going through the same thing with my 3 adult children that still live at home with me. My oldest is the worse. She has a 19 month old son and she always threatens me that she will move out and I won't be able to see him anymore. Right now I've been dealing with health issues for the last 2 yrs and I'm fighting with Social Security to get my disability started. Currently none of them are working and there is no reason for them not to be working. They are in perfect health and young and energetic. They sit on there phones all day on social media. I'm the only one with some sort of income which is below poverty. They complain everyday about what they need and what they don't have. I get disrespected everyday by all three of them. They talk bad to me. The oldest one of my daughters is the worse. She curses at me and calls me dumb and retarted. I know I'm not the perfect mother and I made mistakes as a parent that I wish I could take back but I can't. I always worked up until 2 yrs ago I was always a single parent. I never had men around because I never dated anyone except there dad. I didn't go to clubs or drink or do drugs. They put so much entitlement on me. I love my kids but I'm tired and I am ready to just pick up and leave. I don't know what to do.
You don't deserve to see her if your going to be such a quitter
I'm saving this video because you describe so well the hell I have been living for the past two years. I finally realized that my daughter was using my deep love for her as a weapon to punish and control me. She was using her son, my grandson, as a weapon to punish and control me. I did everything you talk about here. I was nearly suicidal. The grief was unbearable, and the anger I felt at the unfairness was eating me alive. Then a light went on. I saw that my own child, the person whose life began via my body, was playing a twisted game of conceit and domination. I finally said no. After all of that suffering, I decided to just let her go. I would not allow any other person on Earth to treat me the way she treats me, and I finally said no. Thank you for creating this video for parents like me whose hearts have been broken by ungrateful, unfair, selfish, cruel adult children.
I am in a similar situation with my son. I haven't seen him in three years & I have never seen my grand daughter ever. She turned one last week.
I feel like my heart was ripped out and stomped on by him and his wife who is even worse of a bully.
I'm sorry you had to go through this. It is demonically painful to endure as I am going through the same thing.
Yes, I've experinenced this also, and my heart has been breaking for the past 8 years. I've been emotionally abused by my "enabled" daughter. I've given her so much all her life. She doesn't see it though. All she sees is what she thinks she didn't have.
Same here My daughter has been doing this on and off to me for years, she fell out with me and bullied me through my breast cancer. I forgave her for that, infact for 3 and a half years she was ok with me (she had my grandson, and I thought it changed her) about 5 months ago she started bullying me again, here are some of the lovely things she said - im a chit mother, a chit grandmother, I am ugly my inside and outsides are ugly, I am lazy, I am uneducated, I am retarded, I am a waste of oxygen, I am disgusting I gave her a chit childhood (she twisted everything) I just had breast reconstruction an 11 and a half hour opp, she never wished me luck or showed any care, I asked her why not, she said because I dont fking care. She said she cant wait till her Dad dies, she said if I died what would there be to miss. I love my little Grandson so much but thats it now, what can I do, I have been feeling suicidal and worthless for weeks now, I have no confidence or soul left. I know how you feel x
Absolutely. 100%. It just sucks.
Im surrounded by narcissistic sociopaths. Their would be no choice other than to hope for their redemption.
this is totally unreal... Is it the entitlement era? My heart is broken and its gone on for 2.5 years... I never noticed the verbal abuse was always when NO one was around... And to the skeptics... Many parents walk on eggshells and know they were not perfect. Its the downright blame, disrespect and trying to crush us like a bug that we are trying to shelter ourselves from. I watch everything I say and finally realize all the praise I can hand out seems to build the sick ego more.. I don't want to live like a turtle anymore... I look out and see if he is there with a stick to wack me with... and go back in my shell... Not anymore. Learning all I can to protect myself... The pain is HELL.... prayers for you all..
Scary stuff, I'm in your boat.
The water smells like crap and the boats made outta barbed wire, I got eggshell splinters in my feet and my knees, elbows and chest are gravel rashed from the minefield crawl.
"Divide and Conquer" is the Cry of Oligarchy.
Resentment and anger are there for a reason. People are so emotionally disconnected from how emotions work. Parents grew up in unconscious society that told them to repress emotions. Act like an emotionless robot. If our society wasn't so emotionally inept then things would be different.
1. Be self-aware of your own cognitive biases that your ego protects.
2. Seek to understand the root of the pain and what causes emotional triggers.
3. Don't attack the other person or blame. This only makes the person reflect back your own shadows.
4. Listen more than you talk. Listen empathetically.
Ignore emotions, blame/invalidate, and label them a bully. Sounds like fuel to create a victim story and build even more resentment/pain.
The word "entitled" is commonly used by the abuser. I'd love to hear the second part of the story.
@Laura Marin Boomers love the word. A millennial will complain about being paid $1/hour and the boomer will throw out the word entitled. Narcissists love calling other generations entitled.
Keep educating yourself and learn all the possible scenarios like bread crumbing, grey rock, love bombing, smear campaign, etc. These are legitimate responses from a narcissist and can help us to be ready. I’ve experienced them all and am overcoming the narcissist. You can win and protect yourself.
I thought I was the only one with this type of grown child. Glad I’m not.
Sad to learn there are so many!
Sadly you’re not. I found a couple of FB pages where I found support and there are sooo many mothers who have been estranged. At first I felt I had a stigma but this is another pandemic.
No you not he only one..my husband and I have been counseling with Ben, he is amazing.
💜 the Purple Heart, wounded in action.
@@kissmekate59 Thank you, it IS a pandemic!
no, you're not alone at all! well, not demographically, anyway. MANY offspring are initiating no contact with their "families". in droves. it's a mass exodus... except those being left behind are the ones on the outside now. abusers are only left with each other in increasing numbers, cut off from their grandchildren so that the grandchildren can be safe. there is no better consequence for abusers. they are now left to cry to each other upon deaf ears and feel each other's stabs in the back.
@@legalfictionnaturalfact3969 Exactly. Just don't go where you're not wanted, seems pretty easy. But these control freaks still think they have any power to force behavior of adult, financially independent children and they never get that the control has ended. That's just a fact.
Hi Ben, it was a relief to finally find something on narcissistic adult children. My sister and her children are living with my parents and she is using all the classic techniques to beat them into submission. My parents cant move her out, she seems to have an amazing amount of stamina when it comes to persistent and consistent put downs, violent threats, self harm threats and manipulation. I feel helpless in this fight and as i learn more about narcissistic behaviour, it feels that there will be no end. Even with my mothers failing health, she shows no empathy, its more a pity point that she uses to manipulate others. Thanks again for posting the video, i will keep following!!
+EBONY TWISS
Hi Ebony Twiss,
As long as your parents accept your sister, you’re stuck.
We need to figure out a way to help your parents change their minds. Or to see the truth.
Since all situations are different, I offer individualized help so you can develop strength, courage, determination and skill, and create and carry out an effective plan. Please, call or email me to schedule phone or Skype coaching - 1-877-8BULLIES (877-828-5543).
You can pay easily through major credit cards or PayPal (Ben@BulliesBeGone.com).
What’s the price of putting up with bullies? Slow erosion of your soul!
Best wishes,
Ben
EB Twiss - My sister lives with my mother also. My sister began demanding money from me and when I could not give it (I have two children in university) she stopped speaking to me. She tore up all photos from my family and told my mother that she was to cut me out of her life. I tried to keep a relationship with my mother, but my mother turned against me also. She told me that my sister was her baby (she's 44 and I'm 49) and that she had to take care of her because she has bad nerves. I kept trying but my mother told me when I was going in for major surgery that I would go to hell if I died on the table. I kept my distance after that. I still love my mother, but can't have anything to do with her.
lori s I’m so sorry for the heartache that you have endured.
Sounds like you may need to call adult protective services to help your parents and report elder abuse.
This is our case with our son and only child. We have 4 grandchildren we have never been allowed to meet. Never shared a meal with or even been invited to their home. It all started when he got married. 17 years into it, and it still breaks our hearts. My sympathy to all that have lost a child in this way.
💜💜💜The Purple Heart for the combat wounded.
Am sorry that this happened to you. I pray one day he’ll see the light
@@elizabethwilk9615 Thank you so much
How sad and unkind.
@@whizbang7130 yes. I was informed that my sister passed away a few hours ago. My husband texted our son to let him know about his aunt. No response...it never ends
According to this video estranged children torment their parents. How exactly are they doing that if they aren't even speaking to you and have no interest in pursuing any sort of relationship with you?
If you think being ignored is TORMENT then perhaps you are the narcissist.
This! Maybe think about why you’re being ignored…
Because they feel that they are entitled to a certain amount of attention and a certain type of attention from their children and grandchildren during their older years. They're just owed that. They don't have to apologize, get counseling, atone. Nothing. They are owed it because they kept you clothed and fed, though you didn't ask to be born so that's a damn baseline. Oh, well we threw you a party when you were 16! There was a cake! Therefore, we are owed you sitting at our feet, as the grandbabies climb up on our laps. Until they get older and more mobile, and then they will start to get bad treatment from grandma when they try to touch a Hummel or something. My mom makes up entire scenarios of what's in my or my sister's (also estranged) minds. She knows what we think better than we do, as she did our whole childhood. She knows what we say about her, even though we're states away and don't talk about her. She is a detective and figures out stuff you did wrong that you didn't do. And on and on. These people are owed nothing..
@@carrieank8467 It's funny because prisons also feed and clothe imprisoned people but they're not expecting a thanks.
That’s so untrue. Wanting to be close to the child (now aldult) that a mom gave birth to, doesn’t make the mom a narcissist. In my case my adult son (if you think 22 is adult?) has aligned himself with his narcissistic dad, who is divorcing me and gaslighted me for 20+ years. It’s very hurtful, to not be able to have a loving relationship with my son. I think he’s heavily influenced by his dad, but he doesn’t recognize that himself.
Being ignored can be incited by the Alienating parent, if you’re the Target parent. Isn’t that what Parental Alienation is all about?
This video does not make sense. Why would you want to end the estrangement and expose yourself again when someone is narcissistic and abusive, you simply would want to distance yourself. Whether that person is an adult child, parent, grandparent, uncle, aunt -- whoever. Yes there would be other connections that may be affected by the estrangement, but that is the cost of when the abusive person is connected to another person innocent from all of it. That is the repercussion from it all. There would always be pros and cons. Either you stay and tolerate the abuse or leave for your sanity and safety. Sometimes in life you cannot have everything.
He’s actually catering to my dads toxic behavior by telling him he did nothing wrong. He was absent in many ways and when he was present fear and intimidation was the only thing my dad offered us except for my sister even though she stole 15000.00 dollars from them
Where do narc children come from? Topically they are created by narcissistic sadistic parents. Or am I missing something here?
Yup...you are definately missing something. There are many paths to narcissium and many for forms of NPD. The spectrum is wide and nuanced. For instance...A parent may have been abused as a child. Not wanting to repeat the abuse, the pendulum swings the other way. Unaware they are over compensating for the pain of their own childhood abuse, they lavish attention and love upon their child. That abused parent goes easy on their offspring....perhaps too much catering, spoiling, kindness...and not enough dicipline. Sadly...that is enough (simplfied here) to create an immature, spoiled brat child who grows up to blame her parents for everythng that goes wrong in her life. Her hand receives but does not give. Yes....the abused parents fault to a great extent. The cycle continues. There is no mercy.
Nailed it as confirmed by the deniers.
@@lynnmarie1943 Over and under indulging children is abusive and leads to a whole host of mental health and behavior issues. So where does the problem start? With the parent(s). For example - a parent fails to teach a child how to build a house and house building is a needed life skill that the parent was supposed to teach. Does the child get to blame their parent for not knowing how to build a house? Yes. Oh and the parent doesn't get to complain that the child built a crappy house because they are doing the best with what they were given. Abuser parents want to do nothing, take no responsibility and also criticize the outcome of their own failings. Who wants to be around that?
I really don't know how dysfunctional people twist themselves around to avoid that off-spring have an absolute RIGHT to blame their parents for damage or lack of positive things they did because those things absolutely shape the child's entire life. Oh and if your child is actually the mature and rational one calling them a "spoiled brat" and "immature" is truly insulting but the person on the receiving end just has to put up with your disrespect, right? Nope. And that's why you are estranged. Typical Narc hypocrisy. Treat people how you want to be treated because that's where you are demonstrating your lack of emotional maturity.
Yup. you are missing a whole bunch. Good parents can have bad kids. You should already know this. They don't always come out like their parents. We have been good parents and did not create these little monsters.
@@9344music5 "They don't always come out like their parents." -- So the assumption is that the parent(s) is automatically good and if the child turns out 'bad' the parents weren't a factor. When children do turn out good do you give credit to the parent or child? Because if you take credit for your child turning out well then you have to accept responsibility for the negative too. Do you know who won't do that? Narcissists. Your parenting was great. Your child is not. You're mature and intelligent. Your child is stupid and childish. Yeah... We see you monster and we know what you are because y'all tell on yourselves.
You can't see where you're going if you're constantly looking back. Focus on loving and living today. Move towards good things. Show loving kindness at every opportunity. Think on good things, not on sad things.
Well said Carol Ann.
My son started lying to me about important things when in high school, which I did not know at the time, and I believe he thinks I'm stupid because I didn't catch on. I consider that the beginning of his bullying. After turning 18 he started with belittling me when no one was around. When he hooked up with his partner at age 20 he became emboldened with calling me names and nitpicking. It was really shocking since he was not raised to be that way. I realize now it was a manipulative move to make me feel bad and guilty as his mom so we would pay for his new family so his partner could go back to school and he could finish his degree. If his dad and I went along with it we would be in the poor house about now or I might no longer be here because of the stress of being bullied 24/7. The stuff we did give our son wasn't enough. It will never be enough.
Millennials say Boomer parents have no right to be in their kids' lives if they don't want them in their lives. Well, you can't be in someone's life if they don't want you in it. Millennials are upset now they are the ones being talked about on social media when they've been talking behind their parents' backs on social media for years about how horrible their parents are.
It's true what Ben says: there is a price to pay for putting up with bullying. No one should have to put up with it from anyone, and that includes our adult children.
My son called and told me he heard that I had said all these things I hadn’t.. and therefore he was putting me out of his life. He wouldn’t tell me who told him these things.. but decided to just believe it-because it went along with their (he and his new narcissistic wife) ‘s agenda.
Same
Mine wanted me to take a second mortgage, $20,000.00, on my small paid off house and give it to them. I would be so screwed right now in retirement. Needless to say one doesn't speak to me at all, and the other I see maybe once a year.........I stopped blaming myself, they are grown people. I need a new tribe:)
Ever thought you have an unbearable irrational personality?
So fortunate that i found your video. Ive been estranged from my daughter for over 6 years. I won't be calling because in my case our relationship is done, severed for my life time. Taking her controlling ways while she stands there without an oz of love in her heart i wont take anymore. I was a good mother, loving mother, hiding the facts of what their abusive father was doing to me. I have a son and our relationship is solid and love filled. She also severed ties with him. She knows we're aware of the type of rich people life she is living. The money controls her. So my advice to women is to finally realize the live will never be there so take that live and give it to yourself.
Actually, one source of friction is that retired parents have more time on their hands than grown children whose lives are much more stressful. Think back on your own life at that age and how much time you spent with your own parents. Stay busy. Develop a circle of friends and positive, productive activities. Let it go. You raised yours. Let them raise theirs. Be sure to spend your retirement income on good times.
That is a valid point and we have to remember hard, incredible as that would have seemed iin those busy days. However what do you say to those parents, grandmothers especislly, who have given over most of their final active years to care for their grandchildren only to have them swept away from them when it suits the adult child not to need them any more. The damage all round is crippling, to the little ones too. This seems to happen quite a lot.
The older I get the more I hate my parents for birthing me in the first place. They just wanted a cute baby , they could have adopted saved a life but noooo they made me .
Except they were bad parents. And mom's the narc, not me. And although estranged, I don't sit around blaming my parents for everything. I think of them less and less. My husband and I tried for years and years and I'm just done. Your reasons here are totally off-base. You don't know estranged kids at all. I don't care at this point if my parents apologize. I accept the parenting I was dealt and have done the work to undo much of the damage. I don't want anything from my parents. I could care less if they give me a penny. You're right, though, that we don't have the same values. I never beat my kids, knocked the wind out of them, called them bastards, shook them, told them from 14 they would be kicked out (was an honor student with a job btw), tore them down, etc. We aren't bullies. WE ARE PROTECTING OURSELVES and our children. My kids, raised in a healthy, non-abusive home, cued in pretty early that she wasn't nice, and wasn't right. And was mean. Hire you? Jesus H. Christ. You are doing more harm than you realize, giving horrible parents excuses. Yeah, it's all the victim's fault. And it's not bullying, it's called setting healthy boundaries. But you know this. Gotta make a living. Just wrong. By definition, estrangement is no or very low contact, not calling your parents and yelling at them regularly. And I expect this comment to change not one mind, or make any impact, but empowering abusers with rhetoric is wrong.
This video is not for you!
-why is it all you children think that every CZcams video has to be from your perspective?
Don't watch nor comment under this video
It's not for you!
Look at all these narcissistic children thinking every CZcams video has to address their perspective and feelings only!
It goes both ways, this video is referring to the other way. Sorry you went through bad childhood. I wish you well.
I've read so many articles and watched videos saying to write a letter, keep the cards and holiday greetings coming, etc. I've done that for two years, with never a response, never understanding how this could be. Finally yesterday, i saw a comment under one of those videos that said, "I'm glad the cards have finally stopped. The sight of my mother's handwriting makes me sick to my stomach." 😳 Then it hit me that this could have been said by my daughter; she must hate me that much. I still don't understand this. It's so common these days, it seems like a sort of cult, this cruel hatred and rejection of parents.
I agree. It is almost like a trend to #"Go No Contact." I am at my wits end. I am about to cut my kid from the will. I did everythign for her, she was my heart always, than one day she woke up and decided everything that was wrong with her life was my fault. The only times she contacts me is when she wants something. Then I do everythign I can to just be quiet in her pressence and wait for her to talk to me. Not only do I buy her sh*t and and run errands for her occationally, she stil has the nerve to not talk to me after words and say thank you and by. Anyways, this brat is off to college. Iam taking a vacation for Christmas with my disabled sone who is actually nice to have around. Iam sure she wil figure out the holidays on her own. I am just brken sad , angry and done .
@@SoIAM-sj3bb hello-- did you ever see the movie "The Trouble with Angels?" So good, starring Hayley Mills and Rosalind Russell. Try to see it-- look for scene at Christmas party, children don't visit or call. My daughter is keeping me from seeing my grandchildren. I'm trying to live a life somehow, but it's very hard. May God bless you and your family with Peace 👑✝️🕊️♥️
have you ever considered once to give her the space she has asked for an stop sending the manipulative cards on holidays ? You make her very sad on holidays, and you forced contact is an example of boundry pushing, that is exactly why she had to go no contact. Narcs never learn.
There is a cult-like trend happening in psychology and the Left to turn adult kids against parents in an extreme. That being said, there are some extremely abusive, damaging or even dangerous parents that some adult kids feel a need to be estranged from but. Even if a parent is emotionally abusive or whatever, many adult kids are being pushed to an exaggerated response. Modern psychology is not recognizing the power and necessity of the bond of children with their parents and families even throughout adulthood
“Children demand that you love them and like them.” That’s an odd statement. What parent doesn’t love and like their children and their children’s spouse and family? That sounds like a narcissistic parent instead of child.
Do you have children?
@@thegulch1780 Why does that matter?
I come horne every evening to my dog who is absolutely ecstatic to see me, I dont need to say anymore.
Me too!!!
'God went forth to create the world and he took his dog with him'
Me too and she loves to snuggle up with me every night. I love her so much!
The difference between our generations is we don't care about making amends with narcissists. That's why my children and I disowned my parents.
When your children disown you, don't be surprised
@@thegulch1780 Oh the fear mongering and attempt at guilt tripping... If you cut off toxic people and don't abuse then you'll get a different result. Only abusers think everyone will suffer their fate because they don't see the co-relation between their abuse and people walking away from it.
@@thegulch1780 I am currently watching this happen to someone that I know.
@@ellyk8834 fear mongering? Guilt tripping? No. Kids follow what they see.
I'm going to accuse you of being a narcissist... You could be talking to somebody that went through it.
I was the director of psychiatric halfway house for older adolescents - we worked very very hard to try to reunite families at some level.
You can't go through life holding that hatred.
My parents used me for a trust fund. Conned me into putting all my savings into a certain account and they stole it!
My sister is a feminazi mentally ill addicted lawyer whose job it is to rip families apart.
Then there's a social workers sister who also drinks a bottle of wine every night, bigger but cheaper... She gives pills & booze to kids and has her way with them. Her goal is to destroy children and families
They're paid by your government to do so.
There is so much in this society ripping families apart, and I simply commented back - just be careful because your children will likely do that.
That's what they've been taught.
I understand needing to keep distance
You use the term "fear-mongering' what are you afraid of?
Off of my simple statement, which would be factually true, you seem to have more you want to say.
No one is trying to guilt Trip anyone? Stating facts.
"Ape"is a verb to humans. We tend to copy what other humans do.
So if you want to say anymore, we can discuss this like adults without throwing out terms of guilt and fear-mongering?
You must know that children watch us carefully. And follow suit.
I truly wish you the best. I'm sorry you feel afraid and guilty.
I'm listening if you need to vent more.
Be well
@@LemonThyme1933 I'm sorry to hear that. It's a terrible thing.
Far more people go through that than are willing to admit.
One of the benefits of going off to college or military is to start pulling away from parents, find a middle ground between being an adult and child.
Narcissism is very common in North America. It blows my mind that the term "selfie" is now an everyday word.
I have a multiracial family. I sent my oldest off to college and he came home calling me "Na#i"- which he learned in college. But racism only works one way.
The other parent that wasn't around for them, seems to be a god now.
The parent that was taking down the firewood for heat, up around the clock, out the door for hockey swimming, coaching, 3:45 a.m., 24/7. Some months I was lucky to eat a meal once or twice per week. And I'm the bad parent.
Things are very twisted right now...
We're not even allowed to discipline our children and then after they turn 18, HIPAA laws prevent parents from helping them.
We're actually pretty much socialism.
I lived in Canada and a few socialist countries. If you read the fine print in Canada? The government technically owns the children, the parents are paid to raise them, and now they have assisted suicide for children. Listen to government owns the children they decide who lives and who dies.
It's up to us, families, communities to stop the madness.
Years ago I screened children for delays and disabilities - my boss instructed me to fudge their testing, go after women raising children on their own. I was to lie to the parent telling them something was wrong with their child, have them pulled out of class so we can employ alcoholic therapists
They wanted every child in a Head start program to be in some special ed services before they started public school, so they can guarantee that school district at least 12 years of federal funding on a kid
We were going to shove their children into special ed to bring in federal funding, expand the teachers unions.
And if Mom resisted? We simply threaten custody of that child. If Mom tried to move out of the school district? We stopped her. They want the federal funding.
That was nearly 30 years ago.
And we went to the press, the media, politicians to try to expose it.
Crickets
I don't understand why it has to be all or nothing.
Family members need to take a break from each other.
That would be normal.
I pray everyone find some sort of peace and some level of communication with their family members.
We can't go through life holding that much hatred in our hearts, nor teaching our children to hate.
Extreme Narcissism is technically a mental illness.
My mother spent my life in her bed, with serious bipolar disorder and when she got energy, the house was going to get painted! Lol!
So I absolutely understand narcissists. I had to take breaks from my mother.
My whacko narcissist sisters tried to get me to disown my parents. I refused. And I'm glad I chose my own path.
My parents have since passed and my sister's live with regrets. I don't.
Every anniversary of their deaths, my sister's go hysterical as if they're at a funeral. They're clearly disturbed by their guilt
I'm sorry you're watching someone go through this.
There is no support for families in the USA
Best wishes
What a joke. Absolutely no accountability for narcissistic parents.
Lol. Must be a narcissistic kid. So many of y'all are angry because parents are closing the door om your games.
@@goldenwriter5089
Actually,
Adult children are wising up to their parents being narcissists. Immature, entitled parents are the only losers.
@hughmungus6402 If you really felt that way, you would not be commenting here. When you truly cut someone off, you don't keep talking about it. You go on. with your life. I'm sure your parents aren't missing out on anything. Your absence is a much needed break from your attempts at control and manipulation. Trust me when I tell you there is a movement of parents who see the game being played by adult children, and they are waving bye.
Bye
@@goldenwriter5089
They are FACTS not feelings. Loser. aka NARCISSIST.
@@goldenwriter5089
ASPD, NPD, BPD, HPD
😘
Facts, not feelings, golden loser. 😉
Children who tell their parents they hate them and claim they had such a horrid childhood? They are nothing but ungrateful punks who don't want to grow up and be responsible for their own bad decisions. My youngest son started this crap with me. He's been in prison 3 times and blames it on me. "I am a horrible mother". It hurts so much. Thank you so very much for this video. It was just what I need.
You ARE a horrible mother. Its YOUR fault.
Don’t blame yourself you did the best you could just pray try to make the best for you enjoy life we only live once
But don’t you think raising a criminal could have anything at all to do with you? Like literally nothing? Nothing at all?
You sound exactly what an abusive parents sounds like. Maybe 7 years later you have learned something. They cut you off because you were acting so awful and they had no choice.
I love the way this gentleman spoke of this. My vantage point is a little different. I'm almost 50 years old and my younger sister, who lives with my mother, demanded that I be cut completely out of my mother's life. There was no argument, no exchange of harsh words, she just demanded that I give her money. My sister has done nothing all her life except collect welfare. My mother has always fed into her "anxiety disorder" and has demanded that I beg my sister for forgiveness. Since I did nothing to my sister, I refused and my mother will no longer speak to me. I have helped them in every way possible; money, cars, etc., and have nothing left to give. I have two children in university and this is my priority. Not even a photo of my family is allowed in their apartment. I was heartbroken for a long time, but now realize that their selfishness and greed is the problem, not me.
So she's the golden child and you're the scapegoat. I was the scapegoat. No fun.
Thank you so much for the video. You made me realize that there is nothing I can do that will ever be good enough.
My heart is so broken I don’t know how to get through my remaining days, and I keep blaming myself for spoiling my daughter to the point where her wants and needs is all that matters. She’s 31 and a doctor, so she should be both mature and smart. Sadly, that is not the case. I really don’t know how I created this monster.
Thank you again for explaining!
Your not alone. 💜 The Purple Heart for the combat wounded.
It helps cope in medicine if you switch your heart off. Many doctors are autistic as well.
@@sgordon8123 I was wondering about autism. I’m estranged from my 37 year old daughter and I’m pretty sure she’s on the spectrum. We’ve been estranged for 6 years and I’ve pretty much come to terms with it, but she had a baby 2 years ago and I am not even allowed photos of her. Being banned from her life is extremely painful.
It’s ok believe me it’s better not to get involved with grand kids it’s worst they use them as a pond
don;t blame yourself. I bet u were a great parent and yet u spend the days beating yourself up. My son left home after we paid for his 4 year college tuition and we haven't heard from him since. My daughter is so entitled, it's sick. I don't like either of my kids for what they've done to my husband and me. But I'll always love them.
I'm so happy to see this video. I've looked all over for this subject and have found nothing until you posted this. Thank you so much. Also, I know I'm not alone. I speak to neighbors, friends, peers that have similar problems with one or more adult children. We, who are parents of adult bullies, or Narcissistic children are usually blamed for the end result, and find little compassion. I raised two children as a single mother, a boy and a girl. I am convinced I raised them equally. I never believed boys should have certain roles and privileges apart from girls, and vice versa. My son and daughter could not be any more different. She blames, guilts, disrespects and humiliates me upon each visit. He does not. She believes she had a terrible childhood, while he says he can't remember anything bad apart from the fact that we struggled due to a low income. I didn't date, drug, drink, or beat them. I was involved in their schools and schoolwork, extracurricular activites, and had a strong work ethic. He is successful and well adjusted and she, for fifteen years, lives on the charity of friends, works part time and feels the need to have fun is a priority. Because of her last abuse I've been No Contact for exactly one year with her. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's given me the ability to begin some needed healing. I believe it is hereditary since she strongly resembles my mother and her father in many behavior patterns. She was not close to my mother and her estranged father died when she was ten, so I don't think she could have learned that much from either. For self help I focus on the videos and material on Narcissism since it fits and I find no subject matter on adult children being the abusers. So thank you very much for this.
+mymadalegnas
Hi mymadalegnas,
Good for you.
Nothing in this was your fault.
I’m sorry your daughter is the way she is but you can’t rescue someone who doesn’t want to be rescued.
Your daughter is failing in her first duty to herself as an adult - get over how bad she thinks it was and go make a wonderful, joyous life. Stop blaming her parents and focus 100% of her energy on making a wonderful future.
Since she’s still a child wanting a scapegoat and whipping girl, don’t play it. I bet there are no amends you could make that would get it over and done so she could move on.
By the way, that’s your job also. Make a wonderful life and enjoy your son. Go for it.
Good for you.
Best wishes,
Ben
+mymadalegnas I understand, read my recent post here.
Dealing with the same here... It's like no matter what you do, you can never win... I'm sure you are a loving parent just as my BF is to his adult children... There is nothing wrong with taking care of ourselves; it does not make us selfish. They should know that you will still love them but you will not tolerate their disrespectful behavior.
mymadalegnas thanks for sharing
Look on FB. Their are a few groups for parents of estranged adult children. I've been going thru this for years & now our 4 are dropping off one after the other. We have a great relationship with our youngest daughter. So thankful for that but the others are sad. There is no way they are getting back in our life. They have been cruel.
Some parents are actually narcissistic abusers who commonly wind up with a child or children that wind up being toxic sociopaths as well. It is important for the more level headed to get away from all of these toxic people.
yes... just read 99.9% of the psychologiical literature that lays soul blame on the parent. Perhaps you are a toxic child who embraces victimhood
Follow this man’s advice if you never want to see your adult children again.
What are we as parents supposed to do when we forgive,and our children are constantly abusive,and break our hearts,and don’t know what we have done?
@@Ann-sj4pt That whole comment is a Narcissistic contradiction... Are your children abusing you or are you feeling that you know you've done something and are confused that they won't tell you what those things are? Do you see why therapy might help you out? Oh and your "broken heart" doesn't make you innocent of wrong-doing. Your emotional state doesn't = you are a victim.
@Ann-sj4pt Did you break your children's hearts?? If your child isn't comfortable talking things out with you that means you made it very clear during their childhood that you don't truly listen to their feelings and/or refuse to ever change.
@@VibinWithRunnTheSnowman what are you on about?!
@@ellyk8834 you know nothing!
This is the video people flock to when they are allergic to self-reflection. You know your kid has blamed themselves a million times for their own behaviour (you trained them to doubt themselves) so maybe for one second, look inward and think "did I do the best as I could as a parent? Sure I'm not perfect, but am I willing to look at my imperfections and work to fix them?"
When do adults become responsible for their own behavior-parents can no longer influence their adult narcissistic children, especially when they like their behavior and continue to use it to manipulate others. If the adult child wasn’t a narcissist full of deceptive angry behavior we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
@@sherylscott6429 who taught them to be that way? If their parents didn't create the environment that taught the "narcissisms" and allowed it to thrive, we wouldn't be having this conversation. LOL
@@CraftingSelf Yup, just the kind of comment you'd expect from an adult that has no accountability and wants to keep blaming their parents for everything that is really their own doing.
Finally, someone stands up for the parents!! Estrangement is so hard and I am so so tired of feeling guilty for doing things I don't even know what I did!! Yes, you are right....nice for awhile because they want something...I say it's like playing chess with Bobby Fisher, they are always 4 steps ahead. I am healing now, finally after years of abuse. I no longer expect anything out of my EC, in return I don't send gifts and don't acknowledge any of their holidays! I got my life back!
I am so glad that it is possible. Thank you for that hope.
I took care of my narc kids... NO CONTACT, STAY AWAY, YOU ARE NOT WELCOME. Their mother is a narc and taught them all the professional victim game. I've had 22 years with this cruel and evil woman and I won't put up with cruel and evil children. ADIOS.
You're the best, Ben! And helped me define my "island of song," where I intend to live for the rest of my life. God bless you!
+Susan Shadburne
Hi Susan,
Thank you very much.
Glad our work trogether helped.
You do the hard work of living a wonderful life every day. And then it becomes habit - natural, automatic and easy.
Best wishes,
Ben
This describes my daughter to a tee. Finally had to admit it to myself. So sad
Me too. She took my Grandson from me. I have been nc for 14.5 months. At least now I don't have to listen to her abusive mouth, no more disappointment when she won't let me see my Grandson, no more heartache over not being invited to her family get togethers...
Hi Rock climber,
Horrible.
And same advice as I said to Christine.
You can still make a wonderful life.
Best wishes,
Ben
Christine Miller
Christine Miller well did you do anything to deserve it?
@@amberkrill2788 No I'm guessing she didn't, 'cause parents in pain don't look around for help trying to understand.
This is a feel good video for narcissists. Lol
How so?
It does lack balance. He should include parents who may have messed up bringing up their children and possible resolutions for that instead of painting parental perfection.I made it half way through and stopped.
@@macnchessplz Any parent that subscribes to this dummy is 1) incapable of accepting blame OR responsibility and 2) just looking for that confirmation bias so they don't feel so guilty.
When it is too toxic for both parties, I suggest severing the relationship, despite grandchildren. Let it go.
I’m a boomer and grandma. Shocked by the words of vitriolic parents like this guy and the mean comments about one’s own children.
It’s shameful and there’s no excuse, ever.
Most estranged parents are like that (clearly toxic) and yet they all act innocent and absolutely confused as to why their off-spring avoid them. Well from my POV these parents do not like their off-spring and treat them accordingly and shockingly, the 'child' on the receiving end of their constant denigration hits their limit of it and exits the relationship. Then, in true Narc fashion they ask, "How will I know what I did wrong if they won't tell me!" Oddly, as a child of one of these types the only way they don't grasp that they treat absolute unknown strangers better then their children is denial. They KNOW what the issues are they 1. Don't care and 2. Refuse to own their behavior. But yet they think this is a problem that is really on their child to 'solve'... And by solve I mean they think their children should not just ignore their disdain but honor/worship that sub-par parent for life.
They literally tell on themselves of why their children want Nothing to do with them. He literally instantly starts off this video 100% shutting down parents being at fault lol. So guess what he does to his child when they express how they felt mistreated? He completely gaslight and denies any wrongdoing then blame shifts and says his child is mistreating HIM. Utterly sickening new generations have started the cycle to make it known abuse will no longer be tolerated because you are the "parent." You don't one day just leave people who treat you amazing and always have your back
I tried to accept blame that I didn't even think I deserved and I accepted blame for what I knew that I was responsible for. BUT still everything that I've done goes by unappreciated I'm so heartbroken for her. Still trying to help her everyday and I'm still a piece of garbage to her. thank you for this video
I'm at that stage of "accepting blame"...I wrote my son a heartfelt email....addressing my part in being "needy" emotionally (I was being abused) in his childhood. I know it effected him. But I was a really good mother otherwise ...and now he says he "doesn't want a relationship"...and his response to my email was that I was "inauthentic" because I'm coming from a place of need. I said "No...It's coming from my heart"
@@jaydeecee1643 you gave more of yourself away. I'm sorry. I've been guilty of that also. Until my therapist said these words "you did the best that you could at the time with the infor.ation and resources available to you at that time" PERIOD. I hope this helps a little bit
This is absolutely true - you DID do the best you could at the time with the skills and resources that you had. It is also true that this might not have been enough for your children, and they have a right to not be in relation with you because of it. Forgiving yourself and taking accountability are not mutually exclusive.
Me too 😢
This, ladies and gentlemen, is called projection.
A lot of ‘adult children’ have to cut their parents out their lives for their own mental health.
Some people just aren’t meant to be parents as they can’t fathom their kids having needs, or disliking them. They are ‘perfect’ after all, in their eyes.
If you have survived by going no contact, I’m very proud of you 💙 Even if your parents never can be.
And a lot of good parents have to cut their kids off for their own sanity.
@@todds.7122 I’m sure. I’m just speaking for the kids like myself, where a parent has borderline personality disorder (in my case) or narcissistic personality disorder.
you do not know what you are talking about. a projection is when someon can't look at their own faults and instead blame others. cutting parents or anyone else out of your life says more about the faults of that person. people who have narcissism often behave this way. it is a toddler response to conflict resolution. it is not indicative to commitment or long term relationships.
@@todds.7122 OK boomer
@@knoxfamily150 ok boomer
The definition of “tolerate” is to be put with! We won’t be in that situation. Boundaries have been erected. Drawbridges have been pulled up. As far as the grandchildren are concerned it is probably too late. They have been poisoned. Fortunately we have others.
I'm so happy I found you thank you for helping me understand what is going on in my life
I went no contact with my oldest kid who is verbally abusive and bully. Nope. I am not allowing that anymore. I love him deeply, but from the distance.
My daughter keeps me from my grandchildren...unless I pay a "pound of flesh". Thanks for this video...I am so worn out.
Your not alone. I'm in the same situation
This is killing me, I need to see my granddaughter 😟
I have been banned from seeing my son and grand daughter. 🥺
@@stephanieb.741 I'm sorry to hear that. 🥺
You are not owned access to your grandchildren. Clearly your daughter has set some boundaries and you don’t like that.
If your kid doesn’t want to talk to you, leave them alone.
There, I gave you that advice for free.
Yeh, the "liberal throw away society." The throw away attitudes of morals, the throw away religion, the throw away anything that doesn't feel good. Buying into the devil's plan and work...Thank God we still have so many young people and adults who stand firm against this decaying world of disbelief and disposable throw away love and parents.
There can be two sides to such cases. This man speaks "in the assumption" that the children are virtually evil altogether, and that the parent was not seriously abusive. He drags on and on. There is something amiss here, like a serious lack of balance. One thing that can infuriate and drive an adult child to become aggressive is if he/she was raised in an abusive environment, and was seriously damaged, and then the parent/s are utterly unreflective, utterly unapologetic, still abusive, and making any discussion on the topic an utter taboo. This can incite anger in the child, which can then be met with utter belligerence and hostility by the parent, followed by outrage in the child(in which case the child can become very nasty), and finally the parent demonizes the child as being what the man has described. On the other hand, there are indeed cases in which a good parent is victimised by a "child" whose understanding of reality is twisted and who becomes the abuser. The point I am making is beware - one needs to take a deep breath sometimes and treat such topics very, very carefully. This video was all assumption.
No and no...did you read any of the parent comments? You are the one making assumptions! most of the parents posting here do it because of the assumptions on every other website and psycho videos that they were abusive in some way. There are many parents who were very good parents
I have found that in most cases there was no abuse to the children. This it what is so bizarre 😳 😐.
Be honest… every single last one of you got called out for being toxic and this is your last gaslighting attempt you can think of.
Yeppers! You nailed it.
Yep! Oooh! We did the best we coullllddd! You're a braaaat! We spoiled youuuuu! You owe us your attention and that of your children even though you've been independent since they kicked you out at 17. They beat you to where you couldn't take in air, but you hold grudges! You should forgive like Jesus, only they never read the bible and just said things like honor your mother and father even if they're awful. I'm so sick of these hackneyed, overused, cliched and weak-ass excuses for causing me to have to seek counseling and medications in order to function. God they're not even creative anymore.
@@carrieank8467 They're not even creative anymore... I died. Yeppers. I feel like telling these poor EP's, "Can't you think up something new? We've heard it all before, you all sound the same and we are bored."
The only people buy their sob stories are each other. Informed victims see right through them and their BS... Just like their own children who have walked away.
ha-ha. And you, and the children are the righteous JUDGES to claim that or judge that??
Wow! This describes my adult children and their father to a T. I'm sad that others have gone through this yet glad I'm not alone. It's heartbreaking to go through.
Going through it too 💜 The Purple Heart awarded to the combat wounded...
I’m going through this too.
@@M77111 me too 🥺
I hired Ben and he worked with me about the horrible situation with my children. I would have settled for just knowing how to bear the pain, but what I received was beyond anything I imagined. The past and continued bullying by my children does not even concern me now. Working with Ben was the best thing I have ever done for myself. It completely changed my life.
You did the hard work in the real-world. Good for you.
Narcisists normally don't allow their parents to see their grandkids. They will fear the love that could develop there.
Sorry, there is no plan unless cut off ties for your survival. Times are different.
actually, healthy adults usually don't allow their toxic narcissistic parents to be part of their Childs life because they don't want their own kids to suffer any of those feelings they child of the narc. This is true at lease 95% of of the time Narcs never cut off a parent, only the abused do. Narcs love the drama so would never cut anyone off. Narcs don't actually cut people off, they feed on them.
As one gets older guard your heart against these adult predators!
Exactly! That's why we cut off our parents. They preyed on us as children and we'll stop them as adults from continuing or doing the same to our children. Oh wait... I bet you meant the other way around because you are a victim mentality. You had 18 years of being totally 'in control' and in charge of your child and their entire existence and then you magically lost all that power differential and now you're the victim of them? Only if you're jumping under their feet. LOL You are not a victim of your child and that you think you are says it all. Most victims are too afraid to stand up and abuse you back. That's why they end contact because you and I both know you won't stop abusing until someone else makes you... Or you could grow up and manage your own behavior. Either way, No Contact stops abusers cold.
no wonder your child would never want to speak to you.
Ummm, I don't think you understand what "estrangement" means. It involves going No Contact, not wanting anything from nor anything to do with another person. If an adult child is as horrible as you describe, actual estrangement would be a relief for the parents.
These people need to believe their children are horrible people.
You took the words from my mouth .. my thoughts on my daughter exactly..the final bullying is when she and her 3 friends tossed me from my daughters house after my granddaughters first birthday party, and I had put out several hundreds of dollars.. when I didnt leave rightaway.. she called the cops !! I left before they came.. but this isnt her first round.. it is however, my last. My heart breaks for my relationship with my grand daughter, but I refuse to be bullied and abused .. and I will be damned if my granddaughter should grow up thinking that its ok to abuse and bully me
Good for you! Stay strong. ❤
My husband bullied me verbally and now my two grown sons do the same. I am still with their Father thirty three years now. I am sixty five and don't know what to do. He is so nasty. I have decided that this evening's meal at a restaurant was the final straw. After relentless bullying and berating from three angles, I was done being nice. I didn't like my meal and told the waitress. My bullies told the waitress that they enjoyed theirs, and told me how could I be so rude to the waitress! in front of the whole restaurant!
I have given up expecting empathy, but strangers get it and I'm made to look like a fool.
What can I do, my relatives are all deceased now.
I am sorry to hear that! Are you ok? Are you coping? 😢
You sound like you’re a saint. Sorry not surprised your kid or kids stay away.
Accept some damn responsibility parents!
These people who talk the way you do are the same people who were given the gift of life because your parents chose not to throw you away, nor did not abort you. This is what these ingratitude children take for granted, as they don't even acknowledge teh value of life giving time and sacrifice of themselves that parents gave to them.
@@birdlynn417 So you forced a child to be born and now they are forver in your debt from a choice they didnt make?? They didnt pick you as a parent, you picked THEM as a child. Amazing how boomers clearly didnt want a child to be their own person, they wanted a lackey to keep filling their ego of how amazing the parent is
Counselors on youtube encourage estrangement blame and hate toeard parents, blaming it on an age gap!? Ignorance. Thanks for truth
Sometimes it’s the parent who is the toxic narcissist!
And It becomes more pronounced as they’re aging and facing their mortality.
You’re right. Sometimes the parent AND adult child are toxic narcissists. There is that as well.
This video is for parents of toxic adult children, there are other videos for the opposite situation.
if we are narcisstic parents we have a right to our happiness even if it means telling your child that i will not change and i cannot live with you or be around you anymore. you have been raised and are an adult now and ypu are ready to live on your own. so do we. we only have one life to live. no one has the right to abuse disrespect or humilate their parents. not now not before not ever. so be it.
Amen!
@@Houseitch , agreed, and just a real disrespectful brat of a child. Entitlement is a big thing these days with this young kids, I would never stop speaking to my parents. I find it disgusting.
So it is. Pathetic spoilt little dictators, move on with your life you will always win in the end.
@Arena Rat your opinion.
What folks need to understand is that everyone is way beyond fed up with the antiquated “Authoritarian” parenting style, which very closely resembles narcissistic personality disorder. I mean, that may have served its purpose when your child was an infant… or maybe if you own a dog. But it’s no longer acceptable to treat a grown ass adult like that, regardless of if you’re their parent(s) or not.
The delusions of superiority, infallibility with the whole “I can’t be wrong!” thing, along with the controlling behavior are simply no longer going to be tolerated by most.
Also, keep in mind that there is a huge movement today of folks educating theirselves on NPD abuse and most every mental health person out there says to go “no contact” with them.
Authoritarian parenting styles looks almost exactly like NPD.
So, go ahead and play the “victim” role, but that for sure won’t change your situation as it’s also precisely what a textbook, true NPD case does as well when their unacceptable behavior is called out.
Good luck!
I have experienced what you described, but as a parent. The adult child addressed me or talked down to me as a judgemental, authoritarian parent bully would be, but it was a grown up child with that role, and it was mean spirited, and nasty. No thank you, I do own up for having a "sensitive nature", and that is what some children hate, they become hard hearted because they are afraid to be soft or seen as weak. That is their problem, not the parent. We can't control the way our children see us, or don't like us or our nature and personality, and yet I have seen this play out several times over the years in people's lives.
@@birdlynn417 My advice for you would be to keep in mind that they are a grown adult, and that they don't owe you anything whatsoever.
They are 100% free to speak their minds and convey precisely how they feel, no matter what.
Also, consider approaching them and asking them (in person or on phone talking at least) if they have some kind of problem with you that would like to share or address?
Once you do that, and if they say "no" and continue with a nasty, unprovoked attitude then just treat them as you would any other adult that acted that way towards you.
@@birdlynn417 Way too many parents have this ridiculously silly "I can't be wrong" attitude and also act like they are better than their adult child, or that the adult child is not "good enough" in the parent's eyes and so on.
These ^ behaviors look/sound exactly like Narcissistic Personality Disorder and will typically be be responded too accordingly, especially since the topic of NPD (and how to deal with them) is so heavily-trending today.
there is a difference between a good parent and a shitty mother or father. a good parent sets boundaries, gives warnings and follows through with a fitting punishment (not too harsh not too lenient) when the boundaries are crossed, then takes the time to explain the rules and reasons to the child. a shitty mother or father or stepfather, expects the child (usually not even a teen at this point) to know all the rules without prior explanation, gives NO warnings and punishes harshly (i.e. hair pulling, screaming, throwing you half way across the room, publicly humiliating you, stuffing your nose in actual shit, punching, kicking, starving, or choking the ever loving fuck out of you) for stepping even slightly out of line (like quietly furrowing your brow, or adding a second slice of cheese to your sandwich without his permission).
authoritative vs authoritarian. if you are authoritarian instead of authoritative and dont understand why your kid moved far away, changed his number, took down his social media, etc. maybe you need to take a good long look in the mirror and see what looks back at you.
If you have A narrastic parent and you watched this, its okay to cut them out, especially since you know its the only way for you to be happy. And their pain that you left is simply the desire to control you.
If you have thaf kind of child, which you should have know since childhood and put them in therapy, then its best that you cut them out because its only doing harm and they won't learn until they realize they are hurting people.
Thank you.
Is it alien predators or did they decide it’s not safe to be around you? If you love this video you can be sure that you’re the problem.
Nem Leichling. Thank you. You are completely right and courageous. I agree with every word you spoke. I lived it and I can see they will take all your vitality out of you and your things too. I keep my daughter at bay. I am little by little recovering my life and my joy. I decided to forget my grandkids. It will be up to them to look for me or not in the future. I don’t want NEVER to be mistreated or disrespected by my daughter and her narcissistic husband NEVER anymore. They got big chunk of my money and are NEVER satisfied with me. So farewell!
Very nice to hear your words they are so encouraging because I am going through the same thing with my daughter she talks to me to ask me for money but she doesn’t let me see my granddaughter she does that every year she lets me see her a couple of time once she gets what she wants she desaparéese
This was the best self help video I’ve ever seen. Thank you
I agree. We called and made an appointment with Ben...he’s so amazing.
If your Adult children feel you abused them, You most likely did not meet their needs in some way, emotional neglect, physical, whatever, the worst thing you can do as the Parent is, make it about You.. Ask your child how you abused them, take responsibility for it, if it happened, try validating their feelings, apologize. Start there. After all, there are two people in this relationship, be fair and just, both should be able to express their feelings, This way of doing things brings children and parents closer together, helping mend childhood wounds. Making it possible for Everyone involved, to move forward and away from past issues with time.
This is a really Great video. No doubt we’re all wishing we could afford counseling. It’s such a heartbreaking, absolutely horrid experience, and the only fix that I’ve found is to let go, and move on. That is what the abusers want anyway, right? Is just to be left alone.
My daughter has not spoke to me in 5 years. She won't forgive me because I called the police when she was sick due to her drug abuse.
Put the past in the past Victoria - move on - you are not alone - just leave her to get on with her life. In the end she will have to face her demons.
+talithahills68 Thank you, but my heart is broken just the same.
Victoria Winter my daughter was wonderful woman. She met that man ....got a child and she changed. I couldn't recognize her!!! Not calling me. Not talking to me. Abusing verbally. I don't talk to her anymore. Even when I come to see grandson , she calling babysitter to ask if I behave good....I don't know what to do. I want to see grandson , but she still abusing me on the phone
Seeing your grandchild is coming at a cost that is still considered "bullying" from your daughter. The fact that this man she is with, likely has a great deal of power over her, means that no matter what you do, he will also have power over your grandson who will grow up to believe his parents and may treat you poorly as well. It's as though your daughter is using her son (your grandson) as leverage in order to be able to abuse you and because of that attitude, it's a strong bet that your grandson will grow up to treat you the same way. I think this is a judgement call on your part. How much abuse are you willing to put up with from your daughter? If you truly believe that it's worth it and you can deal with the possibility of your grandson treating you poorly as well because of his parents....then, it's your call as to what you do or don't do. Perhaps, not answering your daughter's abuse or telling her that you don't appreciate her tone of speaking with you might work? If she backs off of you and tells you that you cannot see your grandson again, then she was never really allowing you to freely see your grandson as much as looking for a way to bully you and using your grandson as a tool to do so. But, you have 2 choices. It's your call. Put up with the abuse to see your grandson (as guarded as it all is) or...let her know that you've had enough of her bullying and abuse and see if she still lets you see your grandson. Either way, it's all about what you can deal with or not. No one else can tell you that. HUGS for what you're going through. Most of us here understand it.
If you see all the people gunned down by the police then maybe you would get why...but just imagined your neighbor call the police on you and how you would react to it.
You just described my situation. I live in pain because my abusive daughter .
My daughter cut me out of her life. I don’t know why. This man is spot on.
Going through it as well,
💜 The purple heart awarded to the combat wounded.
My daughter won't let me see my grandchildren. How do you just walk away from that? I leave gifts on the door and she acts like I don't exist.
@@KB-my8bq You can't buy people with gifts.
Group hug? You’re not alone. It hurts so much. Thanks for sharing.
There are very valid reason for breaking contact with toxic families, don't be fooled by moms who throw a pity party for themselves and pretend they have "no idea" what their child broke contact.
My mom has a harem of people she's collected who are "now her kids." Since we don't contact her. I was, like, oh, did you beat them, too? Scream, yell, punch, slap, kick them as well? Did you shake them as babies? Really. Then those poor suckers are supporting her and don't have the whole experience. She'll give all her money to them, and I don't care. Since going no contact, my family has peace. And yeah, my mom is all poor me, I'm so old now, where are my children to work for me for free after I kicked them out as minors? Blah, blah, blah.
@@carrieank8467 Sounds like some serious communication needs to take place, but without blaming, pointing fingers, shaming, ect...if you are a parent, I am sure you will learn you change over the years, and might be sorry for some of your actions too.That is why we all need forgiveness, but only if or when open hearts are willing to do that.
I have "Let Go and Let God." He will bring my daughter back to me someday. He knows I have done ALL I can do. I dropped my burden at his feet and he gave me comfort & peace.
❤️
This is my story to a T ... but how can I move away from the pain in my heart....??? Can you be contacted by overseas???
Thank you so much for this sometimes I feel all alone that I’m the only mother being abused. My adult son is a pastor and on his third marriage and the story is the same with everyone of his wives I can’t live up to their expectations their schedules and demands I think God every day that my husband of 12 years has been so patient as I processed whether to cut them out of my life or not. I finally got there after once again he demanded I be at certain places and my husband too. And if we don’t we are in his words a piece of shit. It’s been heartbreaking because he was such a good son until he married the second Wife. It’s too long of a story and hard to believe for anyone but just hearing your words which my husband has said practically the same thing. Again I am so thankful for my Christian husband who has never ever said anything bad to my son even when attacked.
My pain from the estrangement from my son is just beyond words. I love him more than all of the stars in the heavens. I just can't understand it.I really can't. How could this happen. I just don't know how to get past the pain of the loss.
Standing in the gap:
Keep your distance. Guard your peace at all costs.Do not argue or defend or try to explain. Do not allow yourself to be dehumanized. Self respect is not selfishness. Your child will learn eventually- perhaps the hard way- when his karma runs over his dogma.
Best wishes to you.
@@johntuohy1867 Thank you so much. I'm beginning to realize just how true this is.
@@standinginthegap7118
Same kind of experience here with my own adult daughter.
Unimaginable a year ago that such a severe change in her attitude could happen.An attitude which continually says- you owe me after failing as a parent. Now all my flaws are emphasized and all sacrifices minimized. All gestures and efforts to sustain a fragile relationship are deemed either wrong or not enough.
It was time to let go.
I hope things are improving for you.
@@johntuohy1867 I'm so very sorry you have been treated so horribly. Sadly, my son is doing the exact same thing as your daughter. I have a hard time understanding this kind of behavior. It's like I'm taking to a complete stranger. This isn't your fault. A parent that is actually as neglectful, uncaring, and bad as these children say we are ,would care less if they heard from their child or not. The very fact that you are hurting so much That you are searching CZcams for help proves that your daughters accusations are exaggerated at best, and most likely contrived. You are a good father. You don't deserve to be treated this way.
@@standinginthegap7118
Thanks.Your remarks are greatly appreciated .
" Contrived" is exactly right , deliberate with the most vindictive possible intent.
I do relate to this, I apologised to my children I listened,I did everything I could. But taking away contact with my innocent granddaughters,who I had cared for since they were babies was beyond cruel. I can't a!low my soul to erode . I understand the lady who said she doesn't care anymore. I spent years putting my children s needs before my own. The relief of knowing I no longer will do this and I can have a brighter better future without them is astonishing. I know I will see my granddaughters again ,in the meantime I'm going to live my best life.
My daughter is a master manipulator. Any time she was kind to me she wanted something from me. After talking with other parents of adults, I think we gave our kids too much, created entitled, self centered brats. I have not spoken to my daughter in months and I’m happier for it. She has used my granddaughter to control me. While I really miss my granddaughter, I’m better off without the constant power plays to control me and exact money from me. I was a good mom- not a model mom but I did the best I could as a single mom. I was never enough for my daughter, no matter how hard I tried to be supportive to her and my granddaughter.At some point you have to stop allowing expectations from our society about what a mother and grandmother is to control you. What I have experienced from my daughter is a form of emotional abuse and I have no tolerance for it anymore. I don’t return her phone calls. I have nothing to say anymore.
This video reminds of my abusive alcholic dad who would throw gigantic fits of rage aimed at me and my mom on a regular basis for years and then wonders why we don't want to be around him.
if a video reminds you of such trauma. maybe a quality therapist would help.
@@knoxfamily150 not you, boomer
Sounds like you got some PTSD to deal with. have another Starbucks
..
y i k e s, sir @@thegulch1780
It's one thing to "not want to be around him" it's another to cut him off for the rest of his life. Do you think that kind of pain is what her deserves? You can at least call now and then. Don't be so unkind and disrespectful to one who raised you. You probably are not that easy to be around yourself.
Some one who claims her or hid child is a narcissist is actually just portraying themselves intothem, you parents are the real narcissists
Jeezel!, ugh..another blanket statement! How do you know that? On what research, facts, your intimate knowledge of these people do you base your statements??
@@brigittes.427 narcs never cut people off . That is your first cult. Only abused normal people cut people off.
Thing is when I was an adult child , I do not remember treating my parents in such way. We loved and respect them so much! Now days most of the adult children are so mess up mentally, and they want to treat us like we are their worse enemies, for heaven sake what’s wrong with these new generations.
I have 2 adult children who are narc's. daughter no children, son 1 daughter who is on drugs. I cut off communication with them and that sure makes my life better. It is about time, I am 80, they are in their 50's. Thank you for this video and wisdom.
Good for you they will just keep abusing you. My two daughters are not good people and who needs to show up for that. I'm learning to let go. They never expected this. If I don't hear from them in 10 more years (I'm 70), I will leave them nothing in my will and whatever I have left will go to St. Jude the charity. Live the life you have left for yourself and make yourself happy!
they way you mention your daughter not having children and your son doing drugs as if it justifies someone thinking negative of them tells me you are the narc, and they cut you off.
My son disowned me 5 years ago because he was brainwashed by his evil mother and her parents. I did everything right for 14 years even though I struggled all through it. He will be nearly 20 and has basically disappeared from mine and my families life. I feel for anyone who has been through this unnecessary heartache. I’ve learnt that there are some horrible and nasty people in this world and justice should be served on them! I hate bullies!!!!