Fear of Disappointing Others - Nonduality and the True Nature of the Self
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- čas přidán 6. 09. 2024
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Fear of Disappointing Others - Being a disappoint to others is as inevitable as it is painful. Many of us have been raised with disappointment (aka shame) heaped upon us.
But, please realize that it is a learned response and as such can be unlearned and replaced with the power of self-validation and the ability receive constructive criticism without fearing what someone may think of you.
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Thank you Kathy
Hello GP... I am attracted to relationships where I feel intimated and less than. Somehow it feels safer to be with someone better, more knowledgeable etc...its disempowring and I constantly fear to disappoint and loose the relationship. Self validation in this area is just a foreign concept. Thank you!
Yes and that is all caused by the circumstances of our childhood in which we learned how to survive in an environment that was disempowering and where you had to earn love. But, hard as you tried, they were always disappointed. It is natural for the nervous system to seek out environments that are familiar. Familiar = safe. It is a certain degree of awakening to recognize this.
At first, admittedly, it doesn't feel as if we can do anything to change that but there is. It starts with acknowledging the reality of the circumstances. that is, recognizing that the nervous system has been trained to prefer the environment which you now find unsatisfactory. Then applying Inner Reconciliation, allowing and tapping an internal sense of safety begins to emerge which liberates the nervous system from its dependency and freedom starts to appear.
Interesting ... so the fear of disappointing others has nothing to do with the other person, we are actually trying to care for ourself 😊
It is always about us and our need to be safe and loved.
GP,
I am a bit lost in non duality. Maybe I went too far toward nihilism, *what am "I"* ?
Everything, which is aware of itself... So these thoughts are an aspect of me. "I" assume & abstract a separate "i", get lost, cling, resist and suffer. Me again... Do "I" do anything, do "I" participate, feel, care or influence anything or do "I" just passively watch everything (myself) automatically come and go, like a heartbeat?
My motto is your idea of me is not my responsibility to keep up but tell me if this is all in me the awareness then why does it seem that others have more control of the Self then I do ? Why is their desire get put before mine ? Is it because at a point we live for others desires to be met I feel like this is what people pray for and we unconscious of what they're praying for we unconsciously grant it
The teaching of all being in awareness does not preclude dealing with the experience of our human condition and its suffering and limitations. Others seeming to be in control is only a perception. We are all acting out our conditioning until we become conscious of how the human system actually works.
Some people seem to get what they want. Others never do. Both are temporary states that eventually shift into their opposites. When you start to put attention on the awareness of all of this, it opens up a power that begin to exercises wise discernment that leads to intelligent choices and thus more personal freedom. This is all about discerning between unconscious, conditioned behaviors and actual discretion and choice.