having a baby at 18 vs at 38
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- čas přidán 15. 06. 2020
- today I dive into a twitter thread that attacks young parents and tell you why they are all wrong, lol
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this is unrelated but you're so eloquent!! wish i was this good at talking without fumbling my words hahaha
haha thank you but the unedited version was originally 46 minutes which shows how much rambling I do! glad I've managed to trick you though
twitter can be an absolute cesspit of massive egos who just love to prove that their way is the right way - and honestly if you have to tweet to the masses that you're 'so sure your parents love you' then i'm not convinced you really believe it loool. you're the same age my mum and my boyfriend's mum was when they had us! i wish people wouldn't feel the need to comment on other peoples life choices, if your child is loved, fed and clothed then what is the problem?!
yep preach
It would have been great to have a car and a house when I first had my little girl at 23, but I know I have had a better life these last 3.5 years with her in it. It's been so much fun growing up with her, and even though I'll be older having my next one I hope I don't stop growing up with them either. Growth should be a lifelong goal, regardless of having kids in the mix.
ah yes I love this!! that last sentence is great
Thanks so much for this, I’m 20 and my partner and I are planning for a baby but I’ve been most worried about this aspect, people can be so unkind
My oldest was born when I was 32, just because that's how life worked out. Until you have a baby, you have NO IDEA how nosy people can be. I'd be walking with her in a carrier and a light cloth to shade her and (mostly) women would stop me in the street to tell me she couldn't breathe, that I shouldn't do x or y, and ask a million questions. I was old enough, but it didn't stop people. I remember being on an inter-city bus with a baby and toddler and the baby was crying that "about to fall asleep" cry and I felt awful for everyone, but there was nothing I could do at the moment, he was going to fall asleep the moment the bus started moving. I wonder if all those people commenting on Twitter actually have their own children. Having your own makes you humble pretty darn quick, I'll tell you that!!
I remember you sharing this thread and I'm so glad you addressed it in a video! Thanks also for using the language of '**if** and when' you want to have kids.
You have such a measured approach to this and it's so calming watching this video ❤️
haha yeah i let myself sit on it for a few weeks which is why the video is less angry than it may have been last month. thank you!
I love the way you explain things - you’re so eloquent but also hilarious! I’m from a family with a lot of young parents in it and I really don’t think it’s made a difference at all. All the kids are loved and cared for exactly the same and they’re all happy. What more could anyone want? 😊
aww thanks hayley!
‘Maybe some of you just don’t have cute mums’ 😂
loool like honestly that sounds like a you problem
appreciate u sharing ur thoughts on this, especially the bit at the end - hope the online community has helped with finding a space where u belong xx
I definitely think some of this stems from the way society condemns teenage mums. Obviously being a teenage mum is a different ball game to being a young mum, and we shouldn't necessarily be encouraging pregnancy in under 18 yos who can't even legally consent, BUT somehow that negativity seems to stem up into older ages where people are completely old enough to consent and it really doesn't matter if you have a baby at that age??? Also, even the fact that we shame teenage mums in the way we do is horrible really, if they choose to go ahead and have their baby then good for them and I'm sure they'll be a great mum! Completely agree with everything you've said
yeah this is true!
Beautifully articulated. You make completely valid points xx
thank you!
So true! While I was pregnant and working in retail I had so many opinions on my bump shape. So much unsolicited advice on what I should be eating to make my bump bigger. I was very sick most of my pregnancy. Anyway off on a tangent! Really liked this video wish there was more people who thought like us.
I've only watched a little of the video so far, but it really resonated with me. I don't have kids, but my mum had my brother when she was 18, and sisters when she was 20 + 22 and I was born when she was 36! I'm 23 myself now, and though I can't imagine having any children yet that doesn't mean my mum having 3 children by my age was wrong at all. Quite a few of my friends have had babies already & they are so loved there's literally no difference in being an older / younger parent. I do think about money when I think about having children myself one day, but like you said on Insta if you wait until you 'feel' you have enough, there will always be something you feel you're missing.
Also, even though me and my siblings are such different ages we still have really close relationships. I've also been an auntie since I was 8, I never really felt like I was 'missing' a sibling closer in age as my nephew feels like a little brother to me & I love the dynamic we have
yeah that's such an interesting age gap! my auntie had a similar situation - had 2 kids, and then 20 or so years later, had 2 more. the older 2 have such a great dynamic with the younger 2, and now the older cousins have kids of their own who are closer in age to the younger ones and it's all just NICE
I hate the idea that planned = more wanted and loved. I know every child-parent relationship is different but generally how you conceived is not going to make your love or want your child more or less.
innit
Yeeap. I have five kids, three were planned, two were surprises. All five are as important as the other, all five are loved. Sometimes the universe knows what you need before you do
I really don't get what it has to do with other people. Like when someone has kids has nothing to do with other people.
This video has just validated my decision to stay the fuck away from twitter! 😂
omg yes honestly twitter is the Bad Place
I’m 28 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years. The pressure to have babies is too much 😫 I want to be more established in my career before I do. (Obvs just my personal choice!) either way people need to leave other people and their decisions alone!
totally agree!! very much respect your choice and i can totally see why you'd want that too, there are definitely obstacles trying to start a career once you've already had a baby x
I love this! I don’t have any kids yet myself, but I have friends who had their first child at 20, 23, 24, one of my colleagues just had their first child at 42! Some are single parents, some aren’t. What is consistent, is they’re all great parents who dote on their children and are giving them good lives. Age has literally nothing to do with it? Obviously I don’t experience it first-hand but knowing this STILL happens really grinds my gears! Honestly, mind your own business people!
i have been babysitting since i was 16, two kids (new born untill they are 11) me being able to provide for a child at that time 100% i was able to raise these two children. eventho i was the babysitter i was able to provide for them whatever they needed. i used to get weird looks and stares being out and about with them. it's really odd when you can clearly see that the kids are being taken care off
i have more thought but long day only made it out to be this
Great video, It also makes me angry when people put out these sweeping statements, He didnt consider that egg viability drops exponentially past the age of 35- I feel like its from a place of judgement (and ignorance). I thought you made such good points!
Really loved this video! Not sure if it's something you'd consider filming and I totally understand if not but would you consider making a video talking more about your experiences with other mums. For example you mentioned baby groups and not struggling to find fellow young mums?
i could try to weave it into a bigger video but i don't have much to say on the topic by itself!
Yasmin Johal ah okay, no worries! Just thought I’d ask☺️
My parents told me they would be disappointed in me if I had a baby before I was 30! I definitely had to unlearn some prejudices against young parents after being raised with those views. I don’t want to have any children but it’s none of my business when other people do! You never know what your situation will be in the future and you definitely don’t know what a stranger’s situation is. P.s I love your hair this colour!
I love that you unlearnt those prejudices instead of just sticking with what your parents taught you though - it can sometimes be hard to let go of things our parents have drilled into us!
This really pisses me off because so many women feel pressure to have children before 35 because the probability of getting pregnant starts to dramatically decrease from 35 and society is always telling us 'the clock is ticking'. What is this magic fucking sweet spot that we are meant to work our lives around to have children at the perfect time that society dictates, whilst also having a career/money/a wedding/a house. There's a long list of reasons why you must or mustn't have children and it's so fucking stupid. You're a great mum and this was a great video!
yeah definitely agree, there's a huge stigma against having a baby later in life too! or not at all (if you're a woman lol). basically women can't do anything right, i think that's the moral of the story
Just had my first at 33 and I thought I'd left it late! But seriously, I think you made great points about income, maturity etc. It's not all determined by age.
I feel like 33 may be kinda average age these days, but I guess it depends what circles you run in too! thank you x
Had my first at 20, she's now 18, and we are very close, have a great relationship and she's an awesome person who is kind and friendly and hard working, I don't need some twat on Twitter telling me I wasn't the right age to have her- she is proof enough that that person's opinion is small minded and ignorant.
I had my last baby at 33, and people still had something to say. As far as me as a parent goes, 20, 27, 29, 31 or 33....my parenting style has stayed the same it's my body that's gotten more tired and feels it more
My parents had me at 19/20 and honestly i had a great childhood, couldnt afford a lot of things when I was younger, but after i was around 10, my parents got really good jobs (they’re both doctors) and there was no financial difficulties since? Like things change a lot and its stupid to think you’re gonna be on the same financial level as you were when you had the kid. I wouldn’t change a thing about my childhood
yes!! even in the past 2 years since we got pregnant, our situation has changed SO much (financial, living, everything) and will continue to do so. and these situations can change both positively and negatively, but they shouldn't determine all your decisions in life x
Twitter is both the best and worst, all these tweets are infuriating.
Have you read My Shitty Twenties? It’s a great book & I think you might relate to a lot of it!
ooh no i hadn't heard of it but i just searched it and it sounds super interesting so thank you x
I'm sorry you have to deal with this Yasmin! I'm 25 years old with no kids, but I also live with my parents and I'm unemployed, so that's y demographic. Quite a few people I know have had children between the ages of 16 and 20 and they're all fab parents! On the flip side lots of my friends who are older (25+) have kids and they're fab too! I find that my friends who are less 'mature' (myself included, I'm of a very young mindset for my age) or unemployed (also me) or low wage workers, or whatever, are actually of any age - and they're the ones without children. I think that having a child causes you to grow up / is a grown up person's decision - grown up as in mature enough and ready enough, not a certain age - so if you want a child and you feel ready for that, then crack on! Whether you're 18 or 28 or 38, doesn't matter! Personally I don't have kids because I'm not ready and my own mental health means I wouldn't be a good mum, but that's just my own situation. I have a friend my age who has two children of 7 and 4 and she is a brilliant mum. It doesn't really matter I don't think - I see lots of parents younger and older who are good at raising their children and to be honest, as a childless person, it's not my place to judge. I feel like there's benefits to having parents who are younger or older too - young parents may have more energy for example, or older parents may be more world wise. Everyone's situation is different!
yessss there's definitely pros and cons to having a child older/younger! totally. and i agree, you grow up when you have a child but there isn't a specific age for that x
My mum had me at 18 and I loved having a young mum! We were so open with each other. I think being younger meant she could relate to me more. And she was rad! The first album she gave me was Nevermind, and she took me to my first gig and music festival. Fuck the Twitter trolls.
aww that's lovely!!
I’m 20 and haven’t had any kids yet but this video was really interesting!!
thanks :)
I get this issue and I had my little boy at 24 (now I'm 26) but I've always looked a lot younger than what I am so people presume that I'm only 20-21. I'm always made to feel as if mums who are in there 30s and have children the same age as my little boy think that it's there place to talk down to me and give me unsolicited advice as they thunk I am somewhat less experienced than them and it's drives me insane! Like don't get me wrong, I'm sure it does come from a good place and that they are just trying to help but I'm perfectly capable of raising my little boy. I hate it when people judge my parenting abilities based upon my age and I think it's something that is a big issue for young(ish) mums nowadays. We haven't just thrown our lives away by having children or just spend our days dossing around, if anything my life has become more meaningful and I have become a better human being since my little one has come into it and I think a lot of parents would say the same thing! Xx
yes! exactly x
Also, like.. why is everyone so BOTHERED about what everyone is doing? its online ALL the time. Im 28 this year and kids are just not in my plan right now.. I've renovated an entire house, Im working hard on music, Im really work-orientated, but its also not to say that I would not have a kid at all.. but why is it someones business to tell me when I should make that decision. lol
Was this video deliberately 18 minutes long? 🌝😂
omg I didn't even notice haha
I dont do twitter beef anymore im 23 and instead im gonna rant on youtube hahahah