How to Deal With Blatant Disrespect
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- čas přidán 28. 11. 2023
- On today’s show, we hear about:
- A husband whose wife has been lying and cheating for years
- Exhausted parents wondering how to get their young kids to respect them
- A wife unsure of how to talk with her defensive husband about money
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or reach out via this page: Ask a Question - Ramsey (ramseysolutions.com) We want to talk to YOU!
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Resources:
• Building a Non-Anxious Life - bit.ly/3EL5ubR
• Anxiety Test - bit.ly/460QXUp
• Own Your Past, Change Your Future - bit.ly/47q7Skm
• Questions for Humans Conversation Cards - bit.ly/472lIKd
• John's Free Guided Meditation - bit.ly/3MAGpEV
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This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at www.betterhelp.com/delony and get on your way to being your best self.
The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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I will never forget when I failed a grade and my mom instead of letting me retake a public school year, decided to teach me at home and catch me back up to the proper grade. I’ll be forever grateful for my mom who cared about me so much to teach me everything I know today.
She sounds wonderful! I hope you take that love and devotion and translate it onto your own family one day. God bless!🙏🏻
You are truly blessed ❤
Get a gym membership that has a play room. Changed my whole life. Went from doing everything with the kids all by myself. My husband traveled for work, and I had no other help. So it was like being a single mom for years. The gym saved my whole life. I could work on me, and my kids got to play. (For 2 hrs a day!!) I got hooked really quick. It was the best thing I ever did as a mom. For myself and my kids. And now….I’m actually an instructor. Best decision ever. If a mom needs friends and connections and to move her body……it’s all at the gym.
I’m so glad I read your comment! I have been thinking about the gym for a couple weeks now, just to get out of the house, move, and maybe chat with other adults from time to time. I’m going to sign up. Thanks ❤
If your husband is working to make $$ for Your Family & Household. U R Not a single mom. Get rid of your husband’s $$, do EVERYTHING by yourself No Help from Hubby Then u Truly know what being a single mom is like. Till then u r married w/a busy hubby who makes $$
Even the Chad's and Tyrone's, go girl you go do you! 😉🤫
@@paisleyduck Do it!!! So worth it!! You'll have so much more energy and mental clarity too! It's soooo much easier to take care of loved ones, work, and life if you take care of yourself first. Better sleep, better libido, better mood all round. Physical fitness is peak self care 💪❤️
The answer for 99% of these callers involves exercise. Clinically proven more effective than any psych meds.
For the last caller: its SO not fair for someone to say "i shouldnt have to tell you how to communicate with me." THIS IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH SO MANY RELATIONSHIPS. If a partner is brave enough to recognize that they are not communicating well, and they are willing to learn, DONT BRUSH THAT OFF.
Its not fair to expect someone to read your mind. Thats what babies do. They cry and need the mother to read their mind. Not a grown adult!!
He’s young he’s gonna find someone young hottie
@@HLTrds Y9u really think that’s the experience for young men these days? Unless you’re in the top 20% of men you don’t just find a "hottie" by being young like 20 years ago darling.
It's so exhausting. I have that with my sister. Since forever.
Everytime I try to adress a problem, she erupts like a vulcano and I am always walking on eggshells. Trying to reconcile and getting to the core of it, she screams at me and accuses me of being cold hearted, bad at communicating, blaming her.. and it hurts! When I am asking what I can do to talk to her she tells me to be more empathetic, she wants harmony and respect, as if I am not trying to be all that! I asked her how I should phrase a sentence that it's not accusatory, she can't give me an answer. So we are running in circles, and the actual problems never get solved. I just can be wrong. Always. I can't anymore.. I cut contact, even if it hurts. But it hurts way more to try and try and try, and still be labled as the bad person..
I can't tell you how it still winds me up just thinking about it. I'd love to have a (good) relationship with her, but I just don't know how, and nobody can give me an answer, not even she herself.
i hate when ppl say well he/she should just know, when they’re talking about any kind of conflict w/ someone, especially w/ a partner.
like how dumb & childish are ppl like that? it amazes me that ppl like that manage long term relationships at all
Yes, he shouldn't have contact with her except through his lawyers, but, keep every message, email, any contact she sends, at least till you're legally divorced. Remember, she threatened that she'll destroy him, at this point, the gloves come off and you sir need to, in all measures, protect yourself, legally!
Everybody deserves somebody to come home to drop their shoulders and just be safe.................powerful words right there.
Listening to this show is a constant reminder of why I'd rather be single. Kudos to those who choose to work on the daily in relationships.
"Should a seeker not find a companion who is better or equal, let them resolutely pursue a solitary course." - Buddha
@@aureliemariesimacourbe7220😊True
That's really sad. There's nothing that compares to living your life with someone you love, and they love you back. It's better than all the gold in the world.
I love being single and my house stays clean. I also have time now to do things I like to do.
@@lisawray1 Wow, I didn't know this saying. This is so true, we need our equal, we don't need to lower our standards
The last caller triggered me so bad! I just got out of a relationship where I couldn’t voice a need or express myself without offending my ex and he’d get so defensive. He had such a fragile ego and an intense shame issue… but he would refuse to go to therapy or work on it and blamed me for everything… it’s exhausting.
That's typical narcissist behavior. You can't change them and they almost never seek help
Sorry to hear this. Glad you got out at least but I'm sure it's so disappointing n yes infuriating. In the beginning if you're a reasonable person and also more introspective (healthy) or if you are someone perhaps with childhood baggage who tends to overly blame themselves (unhealthy) you will likely give someone like this too many chances. Initially bc you think you could adjust a few things to be more accommodating n bring out a better response or you may feel you could let more things slide and ignore it or find a better time to bring something up. All of these can help n why not try it n with some people it might help but with other people usually the majority who act this way, it will never be the right time, you can never say it the right way etc. THE MERE FACT THAT YOU'RE BRINGING IT UP AT ALL IS THE PROBLEM. Even thinking back to the first caller who's wife has the audacity to be angry with him bc he finally learned of her affairs. Crazy.
That's a narcissist
As someone who grew up with divorced parents and had one who ALWAYS talked bad about the other, I appreciate John always saying the kids don’t deserve that. It changes them for the worse.
Absolutely
So true with the kids having a purpose. My mom taught a group of troublesome 13 y.o. boys at our church. Everyone else that had previously taught them gave it up after only a few months. My mom went in there and gave each boy a purpose during each class. She would write it on the board, who was doing what. She explained their purpose and why it was important. She said that took away about 50% of their restlessness and agitation. She said after that she had to be firm when one of them messed up. She would provide some type of incentive each week and if they messed up enough they had to skip whatever incentive that week, while watching the other boys partake. It only took her about 3 months of working with them and they became an exemplary class. But it started with a purpose.
That’s beautiful
It drives me crazy when people say,” My son is ADHD”. Your son has a condition called ADHD.
When a person has cancer, people don’t say My son is cancer.
So important to remind us. Thank-you! What you described is called, " Person first" language.
Yep. My son and I both HAVE ADHD. And anytime I mention his condition, I always say I have it as well. If there is ever a time he hears me mention him having it....he will always hear me say that I have it too. He isn't alone. It's definitely doable. It doesn't have to control our lives. He is at the top of his class too. When a kid hears their parent's perspective, and they do, it does affect how they see themselves.
I agree completely. People are not labels. This is a child who has a condition.
I totally agree. My mother describes someone as “he is a downs”, makes my blood boil.
Beautifully said!
First caller Randy....your soon-to-be ex-wife has stated that she and her attorney are going to destroy you. She has effectually declared war. Dr. Delony is right. Let your hired "assassin" , your attorney, do the work. All communication should take place through your respective attorney's. Don't contact her, don't respond to her and don't seek out her friends for information. Take care of yourself and let your attorney wade through the muck and mire.
The wife is angry about stuff and the husband's not talking about their relationship issues, besides the affair.
@@BG-nm5xtI feel like there are ‘always’ issues that are not addressed simply due to the time-limit factor of the platform. I like that Delony digs and unearths what seems to be at minimum A core issue, if not all of them.
Her anger is because she was not ready to cut ties with him just yet. She got caught with her pants down and this is her defense mechanisms kicking in. I suspect she may have never planned to divorce him. Just carry on a double life until the affair ran it's course. Now the decision was made for her, and she is angry. As for problems I the relationship, every marriage has problems. She could have communicated, she chose betrayal. She doesn't get to have her cake and Edith too! She is gone, let the lawyers handle the disgusting dirty stuff. As for her saying she was going to destroy him he should have told her, "you already did"
I feel for you Randy. My younger brother was married to his wife for over 10 yrs. He had gay affairs all that time and he was falling apart for his double life. It was a really painful divorce. The reality is she's done you a favor, but it won't feel like that for awhile. You'll grieve like nothing else. Hang in there. Prayers
My husband left me 3 months ago for a woman we bought know. The moment when I got the option to not see him or have nothing to do with him is the moment when I started to heel . Totally, what John suggested is what I did, and I can see that there will be light at the end of the tunnel
Get some cats. Im not marriage material so after 10 years of being single which was my choice I got a cats then 3 years later I got a second one. I see why there are cat lady's and I didn't think I'd be one if those people. I enjoy a peaceful, quiet life now without stress and unhappiness.
I got dogs,cats, chickens and ducks. I can trust animals, they can't fake love
The fact that her family came over to help her pack her stuff is double betrayal.
My step moms sister was cheating on her husband with a girl and he passed away and she brought her gf to the funeral. Reminds me of that lol
@@briankelly7978oh wow, that actually made my stomach turn a little bit. Yes similar, such blatant disregard and disrespect.
Unfortunately some people don't have morals and values. My ex mother in law and ex sister in law were meeting up with the people that my ex was seeing behind my back. They started being disrespectful to me and blamed me for his cheating.
And it shows why she’s able to just blatantly act like this. She has supporters!!!
She had friends and family help her move for her protection. This isn't rocket science people
The 3rd caller the husband won’t put plans out because he doesn’t want to be held accountable! This refusal to say or write down a plan is about control. It throws a person off balance to constantly be playing guessing games and not have any vote about the future.
Yeah I’d be very very concerned about that guy. Something is off here.
Yeah rings alarm bells, he is getting help which is great BUT she needs to watch actions not what's being said in counselling moving forward for sure
She sounds like a mothering, smothering person. The husband sounds like a jerk.....
I feel bad for the middle family .... that 8 year old probably sucks all the air out of the room, everyday, all the time. The other kids, especially the oldest girl, probably feels invisible. Reminds of a Freudian quote, "all family life revolves around the most damaged person in it."
Lol I'm just curious were you in a family like that and were the 10 year old girl to 3 older brothers? The parents are definitely trying though n I give credit to anyone who cares enough n humble enough to seek out guidance from a trusted and capable source. There are plenty of people in jail or with open CPS cases who should have done likewise.
wow at the quote
Randy. I am a 54 year old woman/widow. I am so sorry for what happened. Trust in others … give it times .. give yourself time … you will find people you can trust … don’t let the anger consume you …
That last caller.. what a gift to be given this advice early in her marriage. This was 100% my 20 year marriage where I bought into his excuses and allowed him to blame his behavior on me. I changed myself to someone I didn't recognize so that I didn't "offend" my husband. Took 20 years for me to wake up and see the mess. It was messy and didn't end well when I'd no longer allowed this kind of behavior. I hope these 2 can work together, take ownership where it's needed and NOT take ownership where it's not your issue to fix. Good luck!! This advise would have drastically changed my life. Don't waste it.
I feel this man's heart and pain. My wife of 30 plus Year's left me two year's ago for another man. It does get better and the Doctor really gives solid advice. Step into you,workout start doing activities that you put down while married. Build those living relationship with family and friends. Be patient and you will come through this time in your life.❤
My husband left not for a particular person but just to whore around lol. After about half as long as your marriage. And it broke me bad. We have a family tho so that's been challenging although he comes around these days to help. I wear the stretch mark reminders of a past life together to view on my body everyday that is probably a bit different than your scenario but I wish I was on a healing level youre on.
@@blueseptember2174 You will get there,He doesn't deserve you,this how I view my X. I did and provided for her and my 5 grown children. I'm going to loose half in the divorce but I will move on as she will. Stay strong don't worry, someone will come into your life that will respect honor and love you.
@@Steve-hs5lethank you. You are very kind❤
My husband of 21 years finally left me 6 years ago for one of his affair partners, it gets easier.
@@blueseptember2174sorry to hear this n that is difficult for sure. The only thing that might make me feel better about this if it were me as I guess I would feel less questioning about whether it was me...was he no longer attracted to me, was I too this or that...the ruminations that many people go through. Sounds like this guy just wants random n varied sexual partners... something many men want when they are younger n if they have it we hope they got it out of their system but not everyone does or willing to sacrifice for what they do have n honor the commitment they made. I'm a female so I'm less able to understand the make brain in this regard. I think women especially at that age cheat for different reasons. But what do I know.
"Husband gets defensive," this poor girl! I've heard a lot of this myself. Truth... "he's choosing to be offended." Truth..."you don't have to carry his shame and insecurity, it doesn't matter why he's acting that way." "It's his responsibility to get help and healing." The trust issues, being evasive about his plans, telling me he'll take care of it, etc. And the gaslighting! It's all manipulation to keep me in the dark and if he doesn't tell me certain things then he can't be held responsible for whether or not it gets done. Time will tell if he's sincere about getting help or just placating her.
Grieve for the betrayal of trust, your broken heart, the loss of your life partner. Then deal with telling your kids what happened without poisoning them against her. Figure out how to keep the two kids in school. Find healthy things to do for yourself, eat healthy, sleep, get exercise, don’t turn to alcohol or drugs. Reach out to friends, take time for old hobbies and new. Take time to heal.
Thanks for the recap. That's Exactly what he said. lol
Last caller. He has shame in the present, not ju🎉st the past. Gaslighting manipulater. Narcissist gets thrown around to easily, but he for sure at least part..She will spend years and years trying to fix this and never will. Run.
My goodness. To the man whose wife left for a woman after that long of marriage.😢
God be with you
And with such vitriol too 😥 I'd be curious to hear her side of the story because I just can't fathom how you could treat essentially a life partner like that in divorce - even if you fell out of love.
@@elkforests I learnt a new word today. “Vitriol” thank you kindly. We for sure only have a tiny part of the story. More data points the more clear the picture. Cause at face value so far it don’t make sense. But my heart goes to the signals from the call and the guys voice and choice of words. Unless he deserves an Oscar. That man sounded shocked after 2 decades plus on Earth in a particular pattern of life.
I can understand the vitriol. And I don’t believe in falling out of love. I believe in getting blindly consumed by darkness. And that’s applicable on all parties in a destruction
@@elkforestsmaybe she feels guilty and is on the offense. (Or he was a crap husband)
@@elkforests I could totally see him being blindsided n yes maybe he's not aware of some things some other husbands would be aware of like her growing unhappiness or definitely knowing about the affair earlier. Perhaps but whatever the reason n whether he should have picked up on things sooner or even if he wasbt a great husband ( though no reason to think that) Anyone who does what his wife did is just a garbage person . Not only what she did to him but more importantly her kids n even her whole extended family, parents etc. sure maybe their nice enough to help her move but it's embarrassing for them too to have raised such a s selfish,unaring person. One of the things that always astonishes me,is bow many people open themselves to relationships with such people.
My heart goes out to first story. Father and kids. ❤ Nobody deserves that. Geez…
For parents, I’ve learned a lot of helpful skills from
Nicholeen Peck. She wrote “Parenting a house United” and she has a CZcams channel. I think it’s called “teaching self government “. She fostered troubled kids for many years and had to use loving, non physical disciplines. She is amazing. I think all parents should listen to her stuff. I’m not affiliated in any way, I’m just so grateful for the tools she’s given me.
What's missing is there needs to be consequences and not in the moment for not going to time out. This is what we use in a behavior disordered classroom. The rules are agreed to before hand .The time out is no longer then the age of the child . Eight years old is an eight minute time out. You need family therapy to learn how to create the structure and the consequences that's calming.Don't ever take away the special time with parent for punishment. Some things are off limits like birthdays and Christmas. Concentrate on rewards and not punishments.
I was so affected by the first call that I was sick to my stomach… a call in would probably be cool, except I have concerns that no matter what attempts I make to be anonymous, my story would reveal who is all involved and would hurt others and wake up some “sleeping giants”.
Mrs ladybug well now I'm just so curious you gotta call lol. No seriously I can understand your concern but as excellent n popular as his show is it's not exact main stream media. Would anyone you know even be listening. maybe you could leave some of the specific details out or in the letter you write you can mention it but say you can't say part of it live. Maybe they have a suggestion.
Oh my gosh the first call, i feel for him
The last one legit sounds like she married my ex. I feel for her 😢… that man made me go mental
Don't throw away another day. I am 74 island divorced my husband 2 years ago. After what 20 years of cheating? How stupid I was 1 day of peace you will heal. You'll breathe better. Ice cream nice clean air with people that you can trust dump her. She's not worth you as fast as you can don't look back. You don't know what's around the corner go find it
Your show has helped me go though a big trauma this last 9 months. Your words find relief for me. I am grateful to be able to listen to your show. Thank you
It sucks, but let me tell you, when you cut ties with toxic...and he can't see that the situation she put him in IS toxic...once you are no longer surrounded by that, the sun is warmer and the breeze of freedom is priceless. It takes a bit but it'll get there.
Dr. Delony described the response to the kids misbehaving/having a tantrum and it was gentle parenting to the tee. 😅
The deception and gaslighting is overwhelming. No one likes to be made a fool of.
I was really hoping he would call out how “Sam or I,” sounded like, “samurai,” that was the highlight of my day.
Gentle parenting doesn’t mean that limits are not set
Sounds like they have limits, but have multiple kids who constantly push back against the limits. Some children, just like adults, are lower on the “agreeableness” scale.
and some kids need legit boundaries set where the consequences actually make them not want to keep doing the egregious behavior. If the consequence doesn’t really bother them then the behavior won’t change.
I really miss who I thought she was. I don’t miss who she really is.
Exactly!
I feel so much for the is man. I have similar story… my mother left my sisters , dad and I for another women. Just when my little sister was 2 years old. She put us and my dad through so much anger and pain. They were together since they were 13 and divorced at 33. Hearing this man hurt, only makes me realize the hurt my dad went through with the same story… my most love for this man. You will get through it, I promise . My dad did. My sisters and I did. We don’t speak with her, my birth giver anymore. Your kids have more than enough having there dad there. Don’t be hard on yourself papa.
Did your mom stay with that woman? I could never leave my children for anyone.
Memories are a melancholy mindset ... But an honest future is worth the investment of thought.
My experience on leaving an abusive marriage was first, divorce. Then pretend he is dead in your mind. The lawyer said I should stay in my home, I told her no way, all I wanted was a divorce, my son was only 3 months when I left my home & returned to my parents home.
Love ❤️ "Kelly ain't no holla' back girl"! 🤣 Thank you! Love Kelly 💕 and the production crew.
Excellent advice John on the marriage break-up. It's the grief of the loss. Everything is just a distraction. The people, places and things are all distractions. The bashing and the trash talk serves no purpose. Great advice!
The final caller is seriously at risk of financial abuse or her husband misusing what should be joint funds. Hardly an equal partnership from his end.
I could not be the better person, I would do everything I could to leave her with just enough to exist, she did bring the kids up after all, she cheated on you, it doesn’t matter if she is with a woman or man she cheated..
Let the lawyer do what they do… just concentrate on healing and supporting your kids.
Wash your hands of her, move forward… it’s time to start living.
That's just petty vindictiveness. It's not being a good person, let alone the better one.
Around minute 32 in the video when they are discussing the "tantrums" of the children and the ADHD those children don not need a therapist nor the father. All of them need ASAP change their diets to a one with minimal amount of carbohydrates. It is amazing how the food we eat can influence the mood we are in day by day. Yes, I know it sounds weird but it is the truth. Check testimonies about people with ANY kind of mental distress or disorders like ADD, ADHD, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc. who change to a keto or carnivore diet, the results are mind blowing.
Not only low carb diet, but strict order of they day. Waking up and going to bed in the same time for the rest of your live. I am adhd 5 years off of the medication
This mention of diet is good point. I can't say what exact diet they should be in but the link between emotionall states. Behavior and diet is a true one.
Stop exaggerating and giving people false hope! It’s irresponsible! Schizophrenia, depression, Bipolar, mental illness can Not be cured nor ‘treated’ with less carbs! Nothing ‘mindblowing’ about it!! The Anecdotal testimonies are neither facts nor science!
The Carbs are necessary for our bodies! The Carbs provide the long -term energy and helps us to feel full!
The carb diet can only be done for a limited time, before people start missing the necessary nutrients!
« Severe carb limits can cause your body to break down fat into ketones for energy. This is called ketosis. Ketosis can cause side effects such as bad breath, headache, fatigue and weakness.
It's not clear what kind of possible long-term health risks a low-carb diet may pose. If you limit carbs in the long term, it may cause you to have too little of some vitamins or minerals and to have digestive issues.
Some health experts think that if you eat large amounts of fat and protein from animal sources, your risk of heart disease or certain cancers may go up. »
Really feel for the second caller. I have been and am still somewhat in her shoes. Some children are more difficult than others and that’s a fact. It can be exhausting, especially when it goes on for years on end and it feels like nothing works.
I relate so much to Sam and Megan! We also have 4 kids and our second has ADHD. Thank you for calling in. This was incredibly helpful!
I like that John’s show has made the complete transition to Loveline. I grew up listening to Adam and Drew taking calls like this and Adam making fun of the callers when appropriate
So did I, I was listening secretly in my room at night. I was only about 10. 😂
Dr. John is so good at issuing challenges!! I appreciate that, thank you.
And that last caller sounds like she's dealing with a covert narcissist. He sounds secretive, manipulative and therefore, controlling.
Nothing phases Dr. John!!!
This first caller is lying to himself. She told him. He didn’t listen.
Friends ans Family helped her move out, for her protection. That reveals ALOT
Doubt it, fast and efficient I would assume. Awkwarrrddd
There’s a level of control there. He never said he loved her or missed her (unless I missed it). I smell a very different other side of the story.
Children should not be allowed to get away with disrespecting their parents. Depending on the level of behaviour and their ages, they need to be held accountable by the loss of certain privileges.
Children need boundaries, although they'll do their best to extend those boundaries.
To the first caller, there are always two sides to a story. We don’t know why she treated you so badly. But if you can honestly say I did my best to be a good husband, father, partner and friend, then perhaps your wife is just a coward. Some people discover later in life their sexual orientation. But she could have been mature and asked to have a serious conversation with you. She could have said I don’t mean to hurt you but I need to be honest with you and with myself and then explain that she is no longer in love with him as she has discovered she is gay. But cowards usually choose to be angry and cruel in hopes that their partner will respond with anger so they don’t need to feel guilt, or shame or remorse for hurting another person. Or worse, she couldn’t honestly care less either way. In that case you are better off without her and fortunate to know the truth so you can work on moving on with your life and stop wasting time and energy on a person that does not appreciate you.
Always excuses for women. It is way past time you all grew the hell up.
There's never reason to mistreat others! If she wanted to end the marriage she should have grown a spine and not brougaht someone else into the picture.
Found you on CZcams reel so glad i did. Happy to be here.
Thank you John for the strong, intelligent advice Amen 🙏
She asked if it was “Dr. Don Jeloney” 😅20:09
Hey Dr John I live in Canada and have just found your channel. Wow, I am so happy to have come across you. I think your programme and advice is brilliant and I am learning so much. A big thank you from up north, previously from the Uk.❤️🙋♀️🇨🇦
It's amazing to me that people who do this still have family willing to come n help them n support them. I'd be embarrassed if the wife in this fist call was my daughter,sister,friend etc. shameful selfish person
You think you'd feel that because all we have is his very terse story. There must be a good reason why her friends and family feel it necessary to help her move out, to be there and present for her protection.
This hits deep. I feel the same about fidelity.
Been married 20 years and my husband it seems is just living another life without me. He will say I am my own person and I’m shocked I’m like “when”? When we got married we became one I thought. I am coming to the conclusion he just doesn’t want US anymore.
I am constantly trying to do self work, asking him how I can make he feel loved and validated and all I get from him is “I dunno”
He doesn’t believe in attachment styles or marriage counseling, anything :(
It’s so very lonely pulling around a relationship and as you are dragging it you are physically damaging the relationship because the partner you have has just sat down and stopped tryin
Maybe leaving would be healthier? Dr John would say that he may have given up on the relationship. Or he is refusing to learn the tools needed.
You have reached out and he doesn’t care. I would not stay. Too many people are terrified of being single
Sounds like he has checked out. You’ll know when it’s time to go. You deserve to be loved as Dr. Delony would say.
Maybe rather than 'asking' - in my experience this can be seen as a trap, just more words - Look at his life, and see if there is something you can actually DO that makes his life easier, better or more joyous. Actually pay attention to what HE needs, not what you want him to want. Surely after 20 years you will have observed something.
Surely after 20 years he can say something other then I dunno, he needs to put in more effort.
Chopping / stacking wood has always been good for boys.
Gardening. Hobbies!
Keep them busy.
Great parenting advice. Thank you
Can you say this to a 24 years old daughter? She’s add and do rude and explosive, she is loud rude, but she’s really loving when she’s in her ok mood. I’m very sad and my husband is in the room and I told him to back me up and say to her this is not ok, and he says to me I don’t even know what she says … he acknowledged she was rude and when I ask him if he thinks this is wrong , he pretends he didn’t listen. He never correcte them … he’s the totally awesome dad that never ensures respect , rules or spiritual guidance… I feel I’m by my self with not partner… I feel alone.
Why does she live with yall at 24? She's not a child and should be independent
I have kids a bit older and I would tell them "you will not disrespect me under MY roof, if you don't like the rules, you can get your own place and make your own rules "
@@mightymouse1005well she lives here because in Los Angeles is very expensive to rent a room much less an apartment.
You are amazing and are a valuable podcast!
I like the English nanny where they sit on the “naughty step” until they get control of themselves. Putting the kid back on the bench as they insisted they were leaving - 2 ½ hours of being put back on the bench.
I learned 80% of everything I know from super nanny! She basically teaches the same thing as gentle parenting, and the connection that Dr John deloney talks about. And they break it down to specific examples and various ages. Highly recommend it!!!;
Me too! I did gentle parenting with my first, but my younger is benefiting from the supernanny’s more direct methods.
Supernanny would be appalled at the idea of forcing a child on the naughty step for 2 1/2 hours.
I love the terms purpose and pillar for the house!! I'll be using them! I have 3 boys, teenager, 9 yo (who had adhd characteristics like I do) and a preschooler.
That social distortion album in the background is a great one.
I wondered about the other guy and did the research and the "finding out" and all the ugly details about my exe's affair and plans. It gained me nothing except for excessive stress. When it's over, it's over. Walk toward the future.
great advice Dr John. i like the part epecially to not bash her to his kids. tell them mom still loves them the divorce is betweem dad and mom. my mom said that to me and my siblings when they got divorced and stuck in my head to this day
Husband is controlling, narcissistic and gaslighting this poor woman. 😢
lesbians have a 80% divorce rate because it is discussing and unnatural any chick who dose that is broken
The first story, i thonk there is more to the story. The family coming to pack with her snd her threat to destroy him don't make sense. I don't agree with the wife lifestyle but I think there is more he is not telling us
Family: not only do you need group time, parents need to spend time alone with each child. That lock in their roll. Practice the roll alone and in group activities.
Roll?
Nie wszyscy dojrzewają do stałych uczuć związków etc...
Miałam przyjemność rozmiawiac setki razy ze znajomymi na ten temat.
To trudny temat.
Bo ,z reguły brak konkretnych argumentów.Jest to najczęściej ,z braku doświadczenia życiowego zdrada fizyczna /
Zdrada w miłości /?
Nuda w związku.
Bezdzietność/
Różnica charakterów
Tak sobie to tłumaczą.
Best therapy session ever!
Love the hubby & wife team! 🏉 Go, Team, Go!
Deloney might be the host but the callers are the stars. 💫 ✨ ✨
Love this family 👪 call because so many families are dealing with this behind the scenes. So. Many.
I heard recently about a 5 y/o who had such a big tantrum at school he almost got suspended. From public school. A 5 y/o.
These days it seems children no longer see grown ups as viable, supportive, capable authorities, but rather servants or "trash cans" as Meghan put it, here.
I feel this momma. The chaos is real.
When you're fielding swings from your very own 6 y/o... Just for telling him he needs a time out for throwing things at the sibling.... It can feel like an abusive relationship where the kid is abusing the parent.
I've learned that - sounds counterintuitive - instead of trying to manage or control a kid's behavior (which tends to escalate anyway into a power competition between you) - is to literally redirect myself.
I show the kid acting out my back. I turn my eyes to something else, something distracting 1st.
"Is the fan on? Was that a shadow from the fan blades?"
Showing that in that moment their bad behavior won't get the reward of my attention or the outlet of a power struggle, that I can stay calm and manage my own thoughts, attention, and emotions even amidst the heat of the emotional room (provided they are safe).
I turn my back, put my eyeballs on something innocuous in the room, my face away from the child -
Power in that pause, Momma.
That few "was that the fan? [Or " was that a bird? Did you see that? Ooh are those sparkles on the chalkboard?", "Is it really this windy in here?" or whatever - pick 1 - use ADHD to your advantage]" seconds give me the space to take a breath, and come back around to the child:
like, "Ok, now that I turned the fan off - that was distracting me - it seems you might have been distracted too - by your anger. Does hitting me mean you feel out of control? Because I feel like things just got way out of control. You wanna help me bing 'em back? Why don't you apologize to your sibling and we'll take a time in. Let's go sit in your room together to get some space. I'll set the timer and we'll be quiet together in there until it goes off, but if you throw things at me in there, I'll have to leave you alone for the whole time until the timer goes off to keep my cool and keep us both safe. Sound reasonable?"
You'd be amazed!
This can work with my special needs big guy fairly reliably.
He's in there. And he's smart. But when he's flooded, he can't talk. His body goes off before his brain gives him the chance to catch up.
Power in the pause, Momma.
My little guy, on the other hand... Observed this for a year before I figured it out and is now hitting the challenge age.
Whole different animal. He is a solid tough nugget that just fills with rage. The level of destruction he actually aims for... Is convicting.
Because they learned that somewhere. Wand we're the only home they've ever had.
When my older daughter was young and stopped using manners saying "please" and "thank you", I asked my husband to let's almost exaggerate saying those to each other with each request even though we usually know our own shorthand and appreciate saving the time, between us.
We did.
It took 3 days.
She says it all the time 3 years later.
Monkey see monkey do, habitually.
I mean we aren't like crazy destructive, but that must be how it looks and feels to them.
Because we're big...
And we seem in control to them.
So we have a responsibility to model self control of us.
Ouch. Ok. We can change now today.
Most powerful words:
"from this moment forward..."
Right?
To the very sensitive or feely kid, if you touch them in that heated moment, like to bring them to the room, they might explode on you. That physical touch can be a trigger that feels to them like loss of control over their own limbs.
That's how I learned to redirect me. There was a happy accident that broke the tension, "is that snow?!"
And so it was.
“Really gross stuff” got me 😂😂😂 yeah, terrible for a female to appreciate the female body
Normal thinking for religious people.
She probably got cooties from her gf 😅😅😅
@@cur244STOP with the "religious people "BS
Do you know they're religious? Exactly what religion is religious? EVERY religion is religious.....
@@mightymouse1005 It's my experience religious people have a problem with it. Stop with being so naive.
Yeah maybe when he lets go of the anger he won’t use statements like that.
Oh my that’s a tough one ☝️ I do like how dr says let’s face the core issue. I really hope he finds someone better I really do god bless.
95% of calls from parents with kids out of control have a bunch of kids back-to-back. If you have one kid out of control, don’t keep having more!
Babies aren’t here to heal your marriage. And there is nothing wrong with spacing a few years between kids. Or stopping at one or two. Or not having kids at all.
how many people do you know who have 2 kids spaced 2-3 years apart? Many, many couples follow this timing. Its like its almost mandatory.
Based
💯
You suggesting they have kids 5-8 years apart if they don't see warning signs? That's not realistic
@@laundrygoddess4or maybe just have one or two children so the parents have more time patience and energy to help when their kids are struggling 🤷♀️
As a Utahn for my whole life…….and the mentality I can HEAR from his voice, this guy’s IS the problem in this marriage!!! He hasn’t been a good husband and expects her to take it! Hence the I will destroy you…if SHE was unfaithful then SHE would be destroyed!! He’s not saying the whole story!
How can you say that? She is having a lesbian relationship.
Is gentle parenting permissive parenting, or is it holding strong boundaries and firm tone of voice without yelling?
Gentle Parenting:
emphasizes respect for the child as a human being deserving of kindness and respect.
It involves setting boundaries while maintaining a nurturing and supportive approach.
Gentle parents listen to their child’s viewpoint but also establish a clearer hierarchy.
Discipline in gentle parenting is age-appropriate and focuses on guidance rather than punishment.
It strikes a balance between firmness and empathy, avoiding yelling or harsh tones
It means don’t yell and verbally abuse your kids
I think it's become a term that people use when they mean completely different things and that is confusing!
Permissive Parenting is giving your child control.
My 6’-1”, 37 year old son got scolded, grounded…..& a few times spanked as a toddler.
Now…..he would kill anyone with his bare hands that would touch a hair on my 5’-0” head.
Discipline is needed in a functional society.
@@kellyeverettgentle parenting means being a pathetic pushover who raises whiny losers for kids.
“Let’s lick a snake.” 😂😂😂😂 I’m dying! But I have two boys, so I get it.
The thing is she had affairs and the guy will get screwed in divorce court.
I’m confused is he upset because she have an affair and destroyed her family life or is he upset because she having an affair with the women and he’s disgusting by it?
3rd call is about my marriage to
Kids want to control their parents. If parents let the kids control them the kid will feel emotionally unstable. Parents love their kids by teaching them boundaries.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her..
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Please seek a therapist. You need help in setting yourself free of this obsession you believe is love.
Last caller sounds like she’s with an avoidant narcissist.
I was an adhd kid and I loved isolation.
Wow that last caller i also feel so bad for n its clear she almost seems to wish it was the way ahe was communicating with him. Because it's easier to change yourself ( for emotionally mature people anyway) than someone else. He has more shame so for him bed rather blame her than look at himself to the point where be wants her to be a mind reader. People really need to be more careful who they marry n notice stuff like this while they're still dating. Glad he's getting help but...
“Hey- ‘this for real? Is this actually
Dr. *Don Jeloney* that I’m talking to right now?”
“No, it’s my brother…
My brother, *Dan.”*
🤣😅
Well played, Dr. John.
You start with Forgiveness, but not what cliches say forgiveness is. You do three things: No Gossiping about the transgressor; stop wallowing in their transgressions against you. 2. Don’t wish them ill. 3. Let go of the retribution; you will get justice, but not by your hand.
All of this is part of the Acceptance level of grief.
A spouse who refuses to discuss finances and instead accuses the other spouse of not trusting him/her is a controlling, manipulative piece of goods you need to run away from. This is a person with a personality disorder, a deep character flaw, and it's imperative that the other spouse understands this so that he/she can stop wasting time and emotional resources on working things out. There's no working things out with people like that.
What time of day, what days and where can I find the live show?
Alberta. Winter. Indoors. Dark. 4 young kids. Life on hard mode.
31:30 thank you for saying that about ADHD
Is there an ethics issue with a mental health provider selling products to their clientele or their potential clientele?
?
These comments are all over the place. What did I miss?
For anyone trying to defend the ex wife she was literally hiding this by evidence of her browser history. There is no way this was fault of this man, no way he wasn't legitimately blindsided. Also bring angry at the woman who supposedly loved you, built a life with you and then walked away in such a manner as she did is in no way excusable. I feel for him and hope he heals.
Yes, I agree. When people feed lust(affairs, p@rn etc) they turn very mean and vindictive to their unsuspecting loving partners, doesn't matter if it's it's man or a woman.
Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe she was pressured and forced into a heterosexual monogamous relationship?
Run Mary, Run!
Any thoughts on retroactive jealousy? It seems people almost never cure from this. Thx
Yes! I want to hear about this too! Great question!!
What is retroactive jealousy?