Don't Do THIS When Someone Has Depression - Dr Julie
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 5. 09. 2024
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WHO AM I:
I'm a clinical psychologist. I am here to share insights from therapy and psychology research so that you can make use of it in your daily life to understand how your mind works and optimise your own mental health. I cover all things from confidence and motivation to mood and anxiety. I look forward to chatting with you in the comments.
Hi I'm Dr. Julie subscribe & follow me for more videos on all areas of mental health.
For more on this see my new no.1 bestselling book - Why has nobody told me this before?
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I love your advice but I really struggle to hear you because the background music is too loud and distracting. Please remove it so we can hear you clearly. Thank you kindly. ,đč
I love advices. I can't understand why people think it's wrong to give and take advices. It may be hard, but I don't see anything wrong in sharing wisdom!
(Just one can't expect that the depressed person will do what the advice says. But to share the knowledge or ideas? Why not? It may be helpful in the future or for somebody else!)
I have depression
Also to add; we maybe depressed and going through difficult times but that doesn't mean we can't listen and support our friends/ family. As Dr Julie says, talking about other things can help us. Also feeling like we have supported a friend can help us feel useful. After all, depression makes us feel useless.
True thatđŻđŻ
Yeah
so true
Honestly one of the things that helps me a lot is helping my friends with stuff they're going through, I want to be able to help others as much as I can (ofc while still helping myself when I can) and it just makes me happy to know I've made peoples lives at least a little better
@@the_queerest_kittytot5123 ya i have someone who has been helping me a lot and she is also going through some stuff right now so were kind of helping each other lol but she has helped me the most and i am so thank full for her and for her being my friendâ€
There's been moments when someone I love has been struggling and I just didn't have the words. So, instead of making mistakes or saying the wrong thing, I just said, "I don't know what to say to make you feel better, but would you like a hug?"
Worked every time
Not having the words? Tell 'em to shut da duck up and get some exercise or take their meds. They CAN solve their problems and they already have everything they need, so quit whining like a CHILD. They can also fail and give in to the dark side, but they won't have your respect anymore.
Then give 'em a hug. It's called tough love. It really IS a thing.
I know, and I am sure it most likely will make them smile đ€
No, don't touch me
@@katherineklevenow1808 I don't make a practice of hugging strangers, let alone without consent. I'm glad you're using your words to communicate your boundaries.
This has to be the best way to respond in the situation you describe. đ€
When I told my mom I was feeling depressed she immediately started yelling at me and asked me stuff like "what do you want me to do about that?" angrily. And then later she told me more kindly that she's here for me. But I think her first reaction is very telling. I wish she would have done a tiny bit of research on how to not traumatise her children before she had me.
Try not to take your motherâs (or anyoneâs) negative reactions personally. Way easier said than done, I know. When people feel out of control, it can make them angry. Seeing a loved one struggle can make you feel out of control. So know it probably has little to do with YOU, and more about her own inability to initially process things calmly.
Many peopleâs inclination is to âfixâ someoneâs problems. Except, a depressed person is no less intelligent and knows what is logical, like anyone else. (Though a depressed perspective definitely gets slanted, and they believe untrue or inaccurate things about themselves in order to cope with this demon.) So the attempts from others to lift them up tends to only make them feel worse.
Which is why in this video short, she advises for people not to provide solutions to one depressed, but rather, be there to listen and help them come up with their own ideas and support those attempts.
Just remember your mother, too, may have been a âvictimâ of well meaning but uninformed parents. Problems in families tend to be generational. As much as we think we will never be like our parents, we end up displaying some of the same characteristics. Partially because we unconsciously learn behaviors and habits from what we see. But we are a mixture of nurture AND nature.
I think personality is largely inherited, as our physical appearance and propensity for certain diseases or ailments can be. Just as we get a hodgepodge of physical characteristics from many sources, (sometimes looking like the spitting image of a parent, sometimes looking more like a grandparent or great, great aunt) we can get temperaments and personality quirks from our genes. Thus, why you have some families with similar personality traits, while others seem alien to the family, but if they could meet a great ancestor, would see how much they have in common with them. Twin studies (in this case, studies of those separated at birth) have given much insight on such things, and many more.
I bring these things up, because your mother likely didnât intend to make you feel worse. She doesnât know how to cope with the unsettling news. You have an opportunity to help turn any generational âdefectsâ in communication and interpersonal relationships around. I think, conversely to what you said, that the fact that your mother later showed compassion is very telling of her heart and concern for you. Not everyone has someone soften and come back to say they want to support you. She doesnât necessarily know what to do anymore than you, despite living on this earth longer. She may lose her patience along the way, as she is human. And that may be HER struggle to learn to overcome.
Together, perhaps you can change a course of things not only you, but that she doesnât fully understand. Sheâs most likely has her own trials in life that you havenât been privy to. There are things I had no idea my mother (and father) went through, that were revealed to me as an adult, going through very difficult times. Sometimes my mother didnât react right to my depression and angst as a kid and as an adult. But I know she didnât know what else to do, and she was scared for me, that I would take my life. She didnât understand that wanting the pain to end isnât the same thing as being capable of suicide. But she, herself, was planning on killing herself when she was 12, by hanging herself in the family barn. Her mother was extremely abusive, (physically and especially emotionally) primarily to her, as the oldest female. The only thing that stopped her was having a dream 3 nights in a row about it. She told me this when I was in my 30âs, even though Iâve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was 12, seeing counselors and trying various meds then.
I had no idea my mom suffered to that level. She wasnât always understanding growing up. Her circumstances caused anguish, but she didnât naturally have mental health issues. I got that from my dadâs side of the family. But now knowing everything I do, and becoming a parent myself and just having more life experience, I can see and understand that she did the best she could with what she was given. She didnât have a loving mother to model after. But she did AMAZING, considering. As a teen, I didnât think so. Now, I see that she improved upon what she was given. And Iâm very grateful for her.
Sometimes, she still can drive me crazy, inspiring a deep breath or a hidden eye roll. But I appreciate, love and respect her. I know she cares and is doing her best. I know her intentions, and that does matter.
My own children know Iâve struggled, as Iâve been open about some of it, but not all of it. They have no idea their dad (my husband of 20 years tomorrow) has cheated on me multiple times in the first decade of our marriage. Nor any details of how he has been very judgmental and hurtful.
I donât want them to have that burden, or change their relationship with their dad, just to help them understand me better and sympathize more. I stayed to work it out, once he wanted to, because of my kids. But Iâve looked like the problem to them growing up, Iâm sure. Iâve silently borne it. Not to say I donât own my own mistakes. But context helps us understand each other better.
We just moved my oldest daughter 2 1/2 hours away for the first time last weekend, to attend college. (Yes, Iâm grieving. Happy for her, oh so proud, as Iâve raised her to be independent, but I miss her terribly.) My son just graduated high school. And my youngest will be a HS sophomore. I mess up. Iâm completely flawed. My depression, anxiety and sensitivity have hindered me from fully being what Iâve desired to be. In my head, I can do it all. The June Cleaver/Martha Stewart standard. But I fall so short. One of the ways Iâve improved upon my own upbringing is that I make sure to catch myself and apologize to my kids if I react poorly. I try to take time out to let them know I think they are incredible, and why.
I can only hope that my children can keep that momentum, and be/live better than I have, for their sakes and the sakes of those closest to them.
Not to say selfish reactions are okay. Just know that your mom probably has more to her than you have been let in on. Not to mention, no matter who it is in your life, remember they have their own proverbial crosses to bear. Their own defects of character to overcome. And their inability to empathize has nothing to do with you. Even if they say outright how they donât understand, or how backwards you think, or how crazy something sounds, it is always more about THEM than it is YOU.
Sure, it helps to have an understanding and compassionate ear. But we donât always get that, so we must learn to be that for ourselves, if we canât find it. You are important enough to deserve it. Loving ourselves can be hard, but it is essential. It can feel weird at first, but say and think the words, even if you donât feel you can mean it. You will eventually.
Also, I know you may know this, but finding a hobby or something to give purpose is greatly helpful for depression. I know all too well that depression can prevent us from doing things we love. It affects our energy levels, motivation and desire. And when we feel personally responsible for our state, it can compound those feelings.
Sometimes depression can stem from deficiencies of essential nutrients in our bodies or various metabolic or health issues. So being aware of that and addressing those things can lead to improvement in mood.
Drinking plenty of water and getting vitamin D3 (along with other vital vitamins and minerals) is so important. I have something called Hashimotoâs thyroiditis. It is an autoimmune disease in which my body is attacking my thyroid. Sometimes thyroid numbers can seem in the normal range, but you will still experience the side effects of low (hypo) thyroid, such as depression, anxiety and weight gain. That is just one example of an ailment that can affect our mental health. Mental and physical and spiritual are all intertwined together. If a person grieves a loss of a loved one, their physical health can suffer. And Vice versa.
Iâm glad you have reached out to your mom, but sorry her initial reaction wasnât good. You can learn more about depression from professional sources on the internet, and then help educate your mother as well. Thereâs no easy button or magic cure that works for everyone. It can be brief or chronic. Just know you arenât alone, even though you feel alone. And that you matter! You arenât important because of what you do or donât do. It is inherent. Depression feels like a weakness to be ashamed of. Except, we can turn it into a strength. It gives us the ability to have understanding and immense compassion for others, which is a wonderful quality. Donât define yourself by this, use it as a tool to become who you are meant to be. Who you are already at your core. Like a seed that has everything within it already to become a beautiful bloom or a majestic tree. In our case, a human, being. I hope you are able to find meaning amongst the challenges life has. Because there is still so much beauty alongside the ugly this world is capable of.
Can relate â€â€
@@ahe79 Hey- I know that this comment is a year old, and that you had really great intentions while writing it. However, one of the first things this person in the video said was not to give unsolicited advice, and as someone with depression I know what itâs like to not really feel heard, especially by people who are trying to help. I think itâs great that you care so much about someone you donât even know, I just wanted to leave this here in case you or anyone reading needed a gentle reminder to take a step back and just say âIâm really sorry, that sucks, do you want to talk more about it?â
Same. Iâve learned to keep my mouth shut.
Damn I wish my parents would have done research on how not to traumatize kids too but I think there's more research out there now and mh stuff is more talked about and accessible(books, podcasts, blogs and youtube and sometimes low scale therapy sessions).
I relate to this so well.
About 2 years ago I just wanted to end. I remember talking to someone and saying 'I'm sick of constantly talking about what's happened to me, I just want to talk about other things. It doesn't matter what, just other things. My situation is dominating my life'. A friend of mine a day later started talking about what we did as students, running around naked in bars after rugby match, etc. I remember saying to him a few days later, 'Thank you. I did mention my situation once, and I had a smile on my face. First time in a couple of years.
I wish I knew what is and how to deal with depression when my youngest sister was still alive.
I just started to learn the signs and symptoms in depression, and most of it I saw in her.. đą
I want to tell you that you did the best your could with the information you had in that time. No one is perfect, no one has all the answers, and you are a good sister.
đ„șâ€ïž
I feel for you and I hope your ok love to you and all God give love
We have similar issues..
My elder sister passed away :
I am so so sorry. May she R.I.P. I hope you can recover.
I was just talking to my mom about how I want to become like doctor Julie after studying psychology. And when we were having an argument about how important listening is my mom said that not everyone can be a good listener. I think since I am the only good listener in my entire family, I am the one who has the worst mental health and am on multiple meds. Just listen! It will help people in ways you cant even imagine
Hey, I do hope you pursue that path after you finish your studies. It's great to know there's at least one more person in this world who strives in that particular direction. In the meantime, take care đ
I think everyone CAN be a good listener. It's a choice and it takes practice, just like anything else in life.
I'm sorry you don't feel listened to in your family and I'm sorry they have overwhelmed you with their issues without reciprocating by listening to and supporting you. That's very draining and exhausting. Being a good listener does not mean you don't set proper boundaries to take care of your own well-being. You are not a dumping ground. You are a human being with your own feelings and issues and in order to be there in the best way for others, you need to respect and take care of yourself.
If you feel that someone in your life is repeatedly talking about their issues with you but then not allowing you to share your feelings and issues, tell them that you want to be there for them and support them but you're dealing with your own things right now and need to find someone to be a listener for you. If they consistently choose not to change and be there for you and support you, then you need to make sure you create space and proper boundaries around yourself. No relationship is healthy if it's always one side giving and the other just taking. (Obviously these rules would not apply to your clients as it would be your job to be there for them and they would be paying for you to listen to them and support them).
Sending you hugs and uplifting energyđ€đ€ČđŒđ«đđłđ·
I believe in you, and wish you all the bestđ§Ą
For me this works the best: put yourself on the first position. You are the most important person in your life. Only if you are good, then you can help without getting lost. If you don't care about you, no one would.
Not in an egozentric way, but in a way you don't waste yourself.
All the best, follow your dreamsđ€đ§Ą
@@mauritaschut8466 I wish I knew how to set boundaries with my controlling parents! It hurts to have let them run my life đ
@@TOLupe-ty6jb I'm sorry that that was your foundational experience. It's definitely difficult when you grow up being conditioned to accept the behaviour of very controlling parents. It makes you much more likely to accept other people's bad behaviour. There's a lot of great content on CZcams about learning to set healthy boundaries. Dr. Ramini has some great stuff dealing with controlling/narcissistic parents and how to reprogram yourself. There's also this other Dr.....I can't remember his name. I'll have to look him up and come back here to let you know. He really addresses that a lot and he helps people reprogram themselves out of all the harmful conditioning they've grown up with and into healthy boundaries.
I'll get back to you on the other Dr's name. And of course, there's much more great info out there besides just theirs to help you down the path to healing and healthy assertiveness.
Last year I was dealing with someone drifting into depression. I tried the 2nd and the 4th point but the person kept going back to discussing grief. In the process it became too overwhelming for me and it gradually started affecting my mental health. That was when I advised the person to get professional help and in return I was called selfish and insensitive. But I moved out of that situation, regardless of what the other person thought. Because I think you can help someone else only if you are fine. Moreover you canât counsel someone and you canât play the role of a therapist.
Same thing happened to me, I got them professional help and exited the situation. Itâs important to make sure we donât burn out and that we protect our mental health as well
You did the absoulte right thing𧥠sooner or later the "other" person will understand i guess.
My friend is'nt legally diagnose having depression, but she seem to be having some problem in her life, I don't know what to do since I can't relate to her life and what I can do is listening to her. In fact I actually having quite a bit struggle in my life too, so my emotion is not really attach to anything including her. so what should I do?
@@rizkamaulita7182 first of all take care about you. Meditate, do things you love, practicate self love. Listen to your friend if you have the strenght. Be not afraid to ask for help, or give your friend an adress/phone number of an institution.
For you and your friend: Keep in mind, sometimes we will die, but at all the others we will NOT. Try to enjoy life, try to life your life/dreams and don't try to fulfill the expectations of others. You are good the way you are. Yeah, and selflove is a good thing.
All the bestđ§Ą
@@1brogi thank you for the tips, I don't know nowadays I don't like doing things I usually love to do, how to self love? I sometimes just go out by myself and enjoying the day but I feel numb inside. Sorry if I bring the conversation this way. I've tell my friend a hotline email I usually use, it only help her a bit.
I read some other comments in here, I think it's a good idea to only bring good things and not mentioning their "problem" so I think I would try to do that next time! Once again thank you so much for your reply
I havent been diagnosed with depression, but I have experienced extended bouts of depression, and I found that 4 is true for the most part. When I'm depressed and am doing something that makes me happy, for the first little bit it feels like I'm ignoring how I feel. But the longer I do the things that make me happy, I stop ignoring how I feel because I don't feel depressed anymore.
this is so true, viewing oneself as ,,sick" can make it so much worse
To add: Donât compare the depression with your own sadness. It can make them feel like their depression isnât something they should be feeling
My husband learned quick how to handle me when Iâm in my lows. He just gives me hugs, listen to anything I have to say, and asks how he can help me feel better. Sometimes he picks up a treat for me or something. Just little things he knows makes me happy.
Thatâs really beautiful - thank you for sharing đ„°
Thatâs so true I have depression and I hope a lot of people listen to you.
Coming from a person who has dealt with really bad depression for a long time, these are very VERY true, yâall!!
I have a friend who's depressed and, I know they don't like talking about it, so when I'm with them, I avoid bringing it up and try to make them as happy as I can, and when I manage to make them laugh, I cherish those moments.
Thatâs awesome :)
Dear Dr.Smith, am a student and am struggling with depression. And I have my best frnd who knows this and gives me support. But I need you,you are like a sunshine in my mind full of numb, dark thoughts popping in and out. Plz start making long videos on depression and anxiety.(I have seen ur old vdos but am asking to make more) At least of 10 min. Am sure many people need it. thankyou so much for what u r doing. And it's a warm request to take out some more tym from ur routine and make longer videos. May god bless u
i agree đŻ percent!!! im am going through some crap, but your videos are truly a blessing to me and you've helped me more than I could've asked for đ thank you, god bless your soul đâ€ïž
To add to the first one: Sometimes your advice can be something we've tried, so hearing it brings up disappointment and resentment, because we feel like a failure...or that we're being lied to.
I wish my family would understand. They tell me all the things Iâm doing wrong and what I should be doing. As the oldest child, my siblings have always rely on me but I feel that I canât rely on them. They think Iâm being stubborn and difficult to deal with.
Dang, this came exactly at the right timeđ„ș Thank you Dr. Julie
Thank you for explaining everything Iâve always felt but never had the confidence to say. đ
i wish i had someone who cared enough to help me out in a time like this
I always send these little shorts of free wisdom to my son. Thanks so much!
I actually suffer from depression I have had many problem in my life but people have helped me a lot and thank you to all those people who have helped me â„ïžâ€ïžđ
Youâve really helped me, I barely feel like I used to do anymore with your tips thank you âșïž
I'm suffering from prenatal depression and I when I have enough strength to open up about it or when it eats away at me for too long and I try to talk to my boyfriend about it. I get more hurt. With him saying "You wanted this! You wanted to have a baby, and now youre crying cause you don't feel "connected" to him!?". And I say i know i love him, I'm trying so hard to enjoy every milestone. But he thinks everything should have come naturally to me to qualify as a good future mother. Now I'm shutting down. I've been completely silent since yesterday. He has made no attempts to talk. That's okay, I'm tired of talking now. Would I be so horrible to just be in my own world and keep silent. If he's not helping me I want only to focus on my relationship with my unborn baby and try to listen to my own thoughts and so I have myself at least. Even if it's just in front of mirror or a diary, someone is listening and someone is trying to understand me. But I'm withdrawing from everyone. I see the bridges to my family, friends and cousins closed and gone. I don't know when I'll be back. 9 more weeks of pregnancy left. I hope I'll be back before then. It really is like a glass wall between then and me. Even if I wanted to speak, my throat tightens and lips keep shut. I Hope everyone is having a good dayđ make the best of it, and I'll try to follow my own advice.
Is there any option to find a therapist? Because I feel you, there are a lot of things I don't feel comfortable discussing with my mother, for example, and then she's like"why won't you talk to me about it" and I just think "well because you immediately start nitpicking at things and some things I just don't find comfortable to talk to you about because I need someone to listen, not interrupt me and scrutinize my words. Even though she does find logical fallacies most of the time, it is actually a hurtful experience. Therapy has helped me understand that, even though it wasn't much help in some other areas. So, if you can find a therapist, it might be useful
Awww...... God bless you Michelle, in Jesus Holy Name, I pray, Amen.
I've just prayed for you đđđ Stay strongâ€ïžâ€ïžđ....
Hi Michelle
How are you now?
You planned for a baby while trusting that you can share feelings with your partner. If he isn't responding well to your concerns, definitely seek therapy. Therapy is for people who want to be completely healthy, in both mind and body.
I've been on both ends. I tell my friends "its okay to not be okay. Your feelings are valid and I'm here for you even if you don't want to talk about it." Its what i wanted to hear for the 15 years i struggled. I always liked the idea of a care package. Small things of treats and relaxing goods. Its old timey but i wished someone had done something like that for me. I guess my approach is "what did i need but was denied of in my time of need?"
I just lost my father and my "friends" haven't even reached out to me. The one's I reached out to told me to get over it, I don't need anyone, ghosted me, told me I'm miserable and don't want to hangout or hear about it because I'm always sad. Hit me hard. Needless to say, I wish I knew what it was like to have someone genuinely care..
â€
How is your situation now?
It's still pretty much the same. I don't really get a chance to get out and meet new people. Right now I'm stuck in the house because I fell through my glass coffee table and almost bled out. One of those "friends" found out and apologized for my table đ not even an I hope you're ok... Just concern for the table..
Another tip is do not say " pull yourself together" or "try to be positive there are others going through worse things"
From my experience this does not help the person experiencing depression. It invalids how the person is feeling
Thank you!
been saying this for years. Thank you !!!! To the point and BRILLIANT ADVICE.
Thank you. That's a good validation of the misery someone who's depressed goes through
As a person suffering from depression, i can say that this is 100% accurate
This lady is gold. Her advice is always spot on
I feel this is true for people with all kinds of problems, not just depression.
i need to send this to my parents
You are only the person whom saying the words hit my soul
Thanks to youre advices I was capable to help my friend at his lowest. Thank you!
Oh that music in the backgroundâŠ. it makes your absolutely right words so powerful đą
Oh I really wish that all the people know these things and know how important it is to know how to act to whom and when
And I want u as my friend, ur so understanding â€
That book ,pen and the cup really got us all listening to your words carefully
N°2 Is really really important. You can be there and it will mean so much for them just to listen. Just remember you are not responsible for solving all their problems, it might and even will take you down when you feel so powerless. Just don't leave them alone, even if you're not by their side personally.
This is what I realized with a very dear person to me whom I've known for 8+ years. I thought I was...responsible for their well-being and began feeling a failure when they just keep spiraling down. You can help but they need to be te ones giving the first step. Just remind them you ARE there with them.
I am so happy Dr Julie brought this up! I have just been diagnosed with depression and PTSD and I find that people always invalidate a lot of what I say, because I do everything I am supposed to. I hope more people will learn about depression and learn how to be there for a person going through whether it be themselves or someone else. Depression may not be a physical illness but that is what makes it so hard to diagnose and heal. Being able to listen and accept the words people say and being there could save someone's life. Often times, I find it hard to talk about my depression and my mental health because people always want to say something in response. Most of the time, I need someone to listen, or a shoulder to cry on.
In conclusion, I just want to say thank you to anyone who supports a friend going through depression, and for my fellow people, I know I probably sound cliche but, don't give up. There will be happiness a little bit further. I know you are sinking and nothing is going right and you just want to run away from it, but it is okay, you are not alone. You will one day find someone who will love and support you if you don't have anyone right now.
This ended being a longer post that I wanted, but I hope whoever reads this finds a little bit more encouragement to keep on fighting.
Have a wonderful day everyone!!
No. 3 made me cry. I had a friend who accused me of not being interested in her, while I was depressed last year. It was not that I was not interested. I just did not have the strength to ask her how she was, as my own life was way too difficult and hard for me during that time. This is how I lost someone I thought was a friend, but really was not.
I have one friend who stayed with me during the whole time. Never accusing me of anything, always listening and she is the most precious friend to me.
Biggest tip I can give people as someone who have friends with depression is support
Whether it be big or small, it really does count, especially when you can't be there in person
I love that you made this video. I was upset the other day and told someone and they invalidated me by telling me to go enjoy the sunshine. They didn't ask me why I was upset or what was going on, or even tried to feel with me or listen to me. It really hurt and I called them out on it and they stopped talking to me. â€ïž Thank you for making this.
Thank you so much â€ïž my friends try to help me but it even makes it worst, i thought it was just my mind, but now i See ir isn't.
Thank you your always helping â€ïžâ€ïžđ
Great tips! May I also add that they apply to everyone, not just those who are depressed.
Thank you. Someone who understands
More people definitely need to learn what it means to hold space for someone without dominating the conversation.
To add I would say one of the best things to do is show that you care. I had a very good friend of mine and when I wanted to talk about my feelings (I thought I could trust her) she just acted like they didnât matter. It really hurt me. Also when someoneâs sad donât say why are you sad/depressed. Idk why but it bothers me and prob a lot of other people. Just say are you ok.
I believe this is the best advice Iâve heard for how to help people with depression. I have been diagnosed with depression for over 20 years. When Iâm going through a period of deep depression & I try and explain how Iâm feeling to family/friends the very last thing I want is advice. It just makes me feel family/friends werenât listening & I actually feel worse. I really hope anyone that watches this video takes this to heart. Itâs not that family/friends donât care but in most cases they are trying to help. So many people just donât understand the effects deep depression can have on a person. Great video @Dr.Julie
I just sent my dad this, he does all these things and I need him to understand
Iâm so glad I found this channel
ADD THIS:
Donât tell them theyâre overreacting, PLEASE. I hate it when people do that.
Wish I had someone to talk to
Your doctor?? X
đThank you for adding value to our lives on this platform! âïž
Number 2 is underrated. As a reporter, I became a professional listener, and that's how I learned most of what I wrote about.
Thankyou so much. My friend is dealing with depression and i did these. But now I'm gonna improve
I work with someone who I think is severely depressed. Another coworker has so many insecurities that I just can't. I'm seeking new employment because it's too much.
I want to send this to my parents and siblings đ„ș
And secondly I love you so much dr Julia that I want to hug you helped me so much in my hard times I wish everyone could understand me like this!
More people need to hear this
Recently I began using my voice to speak my truth after suppressing and self medicating most of my life. I'm guarded and try my best not to burden people with my struggles, I recognize not everyone can hear you out and that's ok too. I watched this and couldn't help comparing it to being crushed and disappointed after being honest with my sibling about the dark place I've been. But I'm learning that growing and healing can and will distance people who you once had a bond with, and it can also bring you closer to those who will heal and grow with you. The time in between can be difficult, but there is so much to learn in solitude!
So accurate, sometimes we need to vent and it's all going to come out at once I won't make any sense, I shut down I go into hiding I haven't talked to my dad in a year, I'm just getting back to working and I hope this helps
Just listening is extremely helpful
Einaudiâs Nuvole Bianche playing in the background justâŠhelpsđ€ As a person with anxietyâŠ.I can feel that music is why Iâm still here. And I wanna say thanks to all the people out there that respond to my emotional comments. This is why life is meant to be lived.
Thank you DR Julie! I am so sorry for calling you pastor. Your work is received.
Hey no problem. I thought it was nice thank you so much for being here đ
Number 4 **VERY MUCH** applies to when someone is mourning the loss of their life partner (or any other close connection).
A week or so after my husband died unexpectedly of a heart attack, I was at a friendâs home playing cards w/them and relatives of theirs. A very nice distraction. The relativeâs wife -whom I had *just* met - twice asked questions about my husbandâs death. Both times I was gobsmacked. The first time I gave a short answer, hoping sheâd get the hint. A few minutes later, she asked another. Shocked, I said something (I donât honestly remember what) that got her to STFU.
I understand that friends of the mourner might feel that ignoring the personâs absence might be rude. In that case, tell a happy/funny story or something that you loved about the deceased - it helps them live on. But also be careful of your timing.
I wish everyone would see this because this is so true.
I'd say this applies to pretty much anyone struggling with mostly anything. Especially the "Don't give advice unless asked" and "Listen."
thank you. this is truly the only way i can recplain it
Love this lady. On point every single time
Can you do a video of what to do and donât do when you have anxiety, cause that would rlly help me
Tysm for this, my friend has done all of these things, he doesnât mean them in a bad way, he gives me advice when I donât rlly need it, so I sent this to him to understand, Tyđ
I have Mild depression but my friends and family helped me.
Itâs so profound when you listen, instead of fining advice first. Once you really listen, then youâll know the perfect words
I love your music choices in these videos. Einaudi is such an amazing composer
Letting someone know you're willing to listen is Not the same as saying "I'm here to listen." Instead, treat it like a normal conversation, and don't sound disinterested. This way, you will help them come to a natural conclusion.
Also, if you know I'm not feeling well, but I don't say anything about it, don't ask me if I'm okay, you already know the answer. If I don't tell you, it's because I just want a normal conversation with someone, distractions could be the best part of my day, even if I don't remember what happened an hour ago..
Another thing, if I don't seem okay, and I leave to be by myself. Give me a bit of time, then send me a message and ask if I'm okay. Sometimes I just can't handle conversations in person, and it's nice to know that someone cares~
I hope this helps someone out theređ
Excellant ! Thank you so much ! These words might make life very much easier for those, who suffer from it !
Well done, Lady đ
Thank you best word's to help other people to understand depression I'm still trying to understand it myself â€â€
Her videos are saving so many lives. I know it.
This is when you realize how many people care about you and keep in touch with you in hard times.
I have been going through hard time and couldn't talk about it with anyone. Two of my friends did ask me what's wrong. But I couldn't get courage to talk. I feel trapped and have no words to describe how I clearly feel. I was withdrawing myself. I do appreciate those two friends asking me but that was only 1 day they asked. Now, I sometimes want to open up but still don't have courage to initiate the conversation so I don't text them and neither do they.
Ever since this, feelings of being worthless and left out have been increasing. My own best friend hasn't contacted me for 6 months
Love your advices. It really does make me feel like I have to do a little more than react.
Listen option sounds so much better.
So Iâve been depressed for years, and almost everybody I know who knows I have it joke and say âoMg i dO tOo !! bEstIeSS!!!â But Iâve had this one friend who will listen, hours on end if they must. Iâm honestly so grateful for that friend, they are amazing.
Hi Julie I love watching your videos because Iâm struggling with my mental health
Thx for your helpful & practical advice đđ much appreciated
These are good tips even if someone isnât depressedâ€ïž
You know...I'm suffering from some severe and crippling depression. And my mother currently does every single thing in this video. The last time I spoke to her was months ago, where she kept pushing and centering her own feelings. I snapped and lashed out at her, she wasn't listening to anything I was actually saying. I feel like the damage is irreparable. I feel very alone these days, I don't feel like I'll be here much longer some days. I wish more people would seek out helpful videos like this before recklessly engaging with the depressed people in their lives. If someone did any of this for me, maybe things would have been different for me.
I've been diagnosed with depression and I thought once I got help it would get better. 3 years later it's still a struggle every day and it's hard to not want to give up
The most helpful thing to me when I was dealing with depression wasn't all the support I got. I knew my family supported me, I knew I had people that cared and tried to make things easier to cope. The one thing that helped me more than anything was my one friend that put zero pressure on me. I felt no pressure from her to maintain our friendship, I knew that if it was a minute or a year she would pick up the conversation again when I was ready as if no time had passed. When I didnt want to talk she didnt force me or try to remind me she was there, she just was. She never treated me as her depressed friend, she treated me as the same friend I had been for years but who was dealing with some things. It felt like I could breathe. It felt like I had something to always fall back on because it was the one relationship that I didnt feel like I had to pretend for someone else's comfort or to talk to them and get their advice. I could simply just exist. Its not until years later that I realised it's what kept me alive.
powerful đ„advice
Donât give advice they havenât asked for as it might invalidate their feelings.
Donât underestimate the power of listening đ you donât have to have all the right words, active listening say less listen more.
let them know youâre listening and that you care validate how they feel đâ€ïžđ
donât take their withdrawal personally
thank you. my friend has been suicidal lately, and iâm trying to help her with it.
Also be comfortable with a comfortable silence it can be just nice To sit with someone and know that they are there and no words are exchanged
A friend of mine once mentioned that someone told her that they wish she never told them about how much pain she was in. I believe it was about her physical pain, but I'm sure they would have felt the same about her emotional/mental health. She justified it as them being overwhelmed and unable to deal with it. I found it incredibly cruel to put that kind of pressure on her.
When I got to spend some time with her in England I found the exact opposite to be true. What I said was a privilege and an honor to know became super real to me. It was the greatest privilege of my life to just be present with her and care for her. The only thing that overwhelmed me was how natural it was. Somehow I knew how to ground her when she got overwhelmed and anxious. I knew to reach out my hands to help massage her head when she had headaches. I felt a need to give her a hug before she went into her therapy appointments and when we departed. I cooked for her/with her.
I didn't fix her or do grand gestures, except showing up when she needed someone. And it was the first time that any of us had experienced that level of care put in.
I know that a lot of people struggle with feeling overwhelmed by the mental state of the ones they care about. Just don't show it to them. And maybe just being present is enough and might be the first time they ever felt that cared for in their entire life.
This is pretty facts
Just wrote in a paper as I wanna become a psychiatrist when the time comes
Doc thank you your a great help.đ
The 1 one is so true I struggle with depression I hate when people act like they know what is best for me
I hate that people have the general idea that you can snap out of depression. Thank you for your content. I've had depression and social anxiety all my life.
The number 1 is really something I wish more people would understand. Every time I tell someone about something I'm going thru that's triggering my depression, they're always giving me advice, despite me having stated in the past that I don't like when people give me advice I didn't ask for. It also makes me feel worse sometimes, because usually the advice is very generic and likely something I've already tried, so my thought process goes something like this "If they're giving me this advice that must mean it works for other people, so why isn't it working for me"
I don't know but Just listening this was so healing for me right now.
This is so true. My mom was going through a bit depression and people used to give her advice and useless pity my mom hated it and used to tell me how she hated it so much and how annoying it can be
Thank you. You are correct.