How To Get People To Open Up

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  • čas přidán 12. 06. 2024
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    Welcome to the BeeFriend course. In today's lesson, I'm going to share with you the mindset I have when trying to have deeper conversations with people. I'm often on the receiving end of many secrets and bottled up emotions from the get go. And this is because of 2 things that I tend to do while talking to others. This is how I get others to open up to me.
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Komentáře • 3,2K

  • @markangelosambrano1740
    @markangelosambrano1740 Před 4 lety +40562

    Dentist: Open up please
    Me: Sometimes I get sad.

    • @reubenbulko
      @reubenbulko Před 4 lety +228

      Mark Angelo Sambrano 😂😂😂

    • @davidkhow88
      @davidkhow88 Před 4 lety +159

      Lmaoo

    • @user-he3yn1pl2f
      @user-he3yn1pl2f Před 4 lety +42

      Χαχαχαχαχα

    • @eao3565
      @eao3565 Před 4 lety +46

      😂😂😂😁😄😀😃🙁☹️😟😞😢😭

    • @_.l.627
      @_.l.627 Před 4 lety +9

      @@user-he3yn1pl2f ti gelas sta elinika tha nomizoun oti les xaxaxa

  • @Brickinasock
    @Brickinasock Před 4 lety +26088

    When you open up, others open up. Remember, though: you can only open the door. Don't get mad if they don't walk through. Same for getting anybody to like you. If they don't respond, move on.

  • @manamancer
    @manamancer Před 2 lety +3601

    Most important advice about opening up: be ready for people to judge/reject you. Not everyone can bring themselves to be objective and understanding.

    • @iamdoctorcat6347
      @iamdoctorcat6347 Před rokem +9

      Me: are you okay with open relationship
      My friend: no why
      Me: I'm okay with this because.....
      My friend: SCREAMING CHEATING, BULLY JUDGES ME
      I'm not finish conversation but I can't talk to him because he dont try understand and listen. And bully me. I stopped open up

    • @BudgieCute
      @BudgieCute Před rokem +40

      @@iamdoctorcat6347 please don't stop opening up, it's important for your mental health. if you're friend really does that, ask yourself if you really want to keep being friends with them. you might be happier without them

    • @itszahra4075
      @itszahra4075 Před rokem +12

      Sometimes you feel like the person is always ready to judge and reject you whatever you say. Or that they don’t take you seriously because they are not used to opening up.

    • @BudgieCute
      @BudgieCute Před rokem +3

      @@itszahra4075 exactly!

    • @nicoleelias6925
      @nicoleelias6925 Před rokem

      Ayyy I'm your 1.1k liker :D

  • @jorianvannee9590
    @jorianvannee9590 Před 2 lety +919

    -doesn't care about what society thinks
    -explains the importance of 'social value'

    • @gecgec3409
      @gecgec3409 Před 2 lety +13

      Hmmm

    • @rnbois6346
      @rnbois6346 Před 2 lety +145

      That part seemed somewhat contradictory. But maybe, he was just explaining how people tend to percieve others, more than anything, and how that affects opening conversations with weird topica or something.

    • @panchuleta03
      @panchuleta03 Před 2 lety +25

      yes i found that ironic lmao

    • @cliffburton1545
      @cliffburton1545 Před 2 lety +24

      @@rnbois6346 Exactly! I made one of my classmates open up to me about them being a failed abortion yesterday.

    • @siyacer
      @siyacer Před 2 lety +9

      Those things aren't mutually exclusive in any way.

  • @theraptor3485
    @theraptor3485 Před 3 lety +12910

    On history class a girl opened a conversation by saying, "have you ever licked a wall" it was a very deep conversation

    • @MM-vs2et
      @MM-vs2et Před 2 lety +875

      I've had someone open with "Do you support unionizing workers"

    • @rahmikamila2599
      @rahmikamila2599 Před 2 lety +41

      😂

    • @stevethea5250
      @stevethea5250 Před 2 lety +671

      @@MM-vs2et step 1. Be hot
      Step 2.reduce brain/verbal filter
      Step 3. Ask assumption question

    • @williewilson2250
      @williewilson2250 Před 2 lety +100

      I hope you mean deep in more than one way

    • @generalconcannon202
      @generalconcannon202 Před 2 lety +104

      I like the: you have more chance to die by cow than by shark

  • @danwooliver2066
    @danwooliver2066 Před 4 lety +15835

    man: **opens up to you and hasn't told anybody**
    you: **puts it on internet**

    • @zainabhi8475
      @zainabhi8475 Před 4 lety +186

      🤣🤣

    • @muramiq
      @muramiq Před 4 lety +509

      You have trust issues my dude

    • @blendwithsaif
      @blendwithsaif Před 4 lety +39

      😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @weirdchamp4601
      @weirdchamp4601 Před 4 lety +17

      Merrill George r/whoooosh

    • @yoursexyfish9631
      @yoursexyfish9631 Před 4 lety +257

      @@weirdchamp4601 he literally just said he knows that it's a joke.
      Also it's not a reddit post.

  • @Victor-yz
    @Victor-yz Před 2 lety +151

    How to open up someone
    First step - iniciate with small talk
    Second step - get a little deeper, but slowly
    Third step - talk about things that bothers you, and ask for the other person's opinion
    Fourth step - be intimate, just don't rush things, at this step, you should prioritize being genuine
    Remember that being smooth and intuitive are keys that will help you opening that door, and the progression should be slow, and remember to listen the person you're conversating. The thing you must prioritize in the entire conversation is being genuine.

    • @30percentBattery
      @30percentBattery Před rokem +7

      For some reason I read the first line as
      "Fisrt step - lick them"
      I was really confused lmao

    • @bub3124
      @bub3124 Před 7 měsíci +2

      First step: initiate with small talk
      Second step: get a little deeper, but slowly
      Third step: go deeper inside of them and release all of your coem

    • @kareemprice1046
      @kareemprice1046 Před 5 měsíci

      Man you said exactly what I’ve been saying 💪🏾 it really stems from being genuine. But yeah you hit the nail with this💯💯💯💯

  • @augth
    @augth Před 2 lety +179

    "Hello I squat on toilets"
    "Oh wow I feel like we’ll be best friends !"

  • @danieleduardomorenoperez1886
    @danieleduardomorenoperez1886 Před 3 lety +19879

    The hardest thing about opening up a person, is when they start screaming :(

  • @tunasandwich4883
    @tunasandwich4883 Před 4 lety +15113

    The scary part about opening up is when they judge and avoid you after the conversation

    • @emmahart9715
      @emmahart9715 Před 3 lety +490

      But just think for a second: does it strongly affect you if someone avoids you? If it does, then don't worry man, you're you and you can do how you please (but obviously no murder lol) and other bad stuff nono lol sorry im just trying to help in the best way i can

    • @freeyolow0-086
      @freeyolow0-086 Před 3 lety +36

      Damn, i haven't thought about this

    • @AryaStark47
      @AryaStark47 Před 3 lety +174

      @@emmahart9715 dude you really disd help. Sometimes I limit my creativity and my childlike personality just because I am afraid of peoples ideas about me. BUT I REAAALLY LOVE BEING THAT WAY. Your comment surely did help people like me. Thank you for commenting dis loge ya take care💙

    • @mariaxr.7281
      @mariaxr.7281 Před 3 lety +40

      @General relativity oof hey there hope you are safe in this pandemic :) Damn i had forgotten about my comment xD So, from the beginning i was very cautious of everything i told them because i didnt want to be misunderstood (i apologize but i cant share much of what had happened). I was always careful with my words and the reason why i decided to confront them was because i noticed some shady behavior on their part. I never attacked them, on the contrary i tried to be civil with them and asked them if they had any problems with me but they reacted in a very inappropriate manner (i tried to reason with them but one ignored me and the other was really immature and insulted me for no reason) I know that the lack of contex isnt helping but i can only say that i did have a valid reason for the confrontation and the way the other friend reacted (the one who insulted me) told me everything i needed to know about her actual view of me and my situation :(

    • @PowerK1
      @PowerK1 Před 3 lety +8

      There are other people to open up to, that one person is not everyone

  • @chadlikespasta3142
    @chadlikespasta3142 Před 2 lety +238

    I like that you address the "social value" aspect. How certain things can land differently depending on who they come from, and some advice isnt a one size fits all type of deal.

  • @strivingfornewhorizons9281
    @strivingfornewhorizons9281 Před 2 lety +83

    I just realized that that's why my roommate and I had a deep connection right from the start. We both did those things. My strength is opened up by telling weird stories and being honest about who I am, his strength is listening very closely (he's extremely attentive, something I have to pay more attention to)

  • @jamesgriffin9956
    @jamesgriffin9956 Před 4 lety +6254

    “I actually squat on the toilet”
    *Finally.. someone who understands me*

  • @santo4saints
    @santo4saints Před 4 lety +14770

    Omg, It works! I followed these tips and I got a person to open up about them being a serial killer.

  • @DannieWiz
    @DannieWiz Před 2 lety +43

    The dude who told him bout his fiance watching this: 😳

  • @harlequin-grim
    @harlequin-grim Před rokem +25

    I got the opposite problem. Pretty much as soon as I meet people they dump their life story on me. Sometimes it's lovely, other times I don't have space for it. Some days, it feels like a curse. I don't really get too vulnerable with strangers like I used to. I like to think I don't really 'open the door,' rather they get a certain feeling from me and feel invited in, when really there has been no express invitation. It's weird.

    • @popsicIes
      @popsicIes Před rokem +4

      I experience this as well. They also don't open the door for you at all, either. It's festive.

    • @harlequin-grim
      @harlequin-grim Před rokem +4

      @@popsicIes are we just human door mats or what. I don’t get it.

  • @themosaab11
    @themosaab11 Před 4 lety +7847

    Nobody:
    Improvement pill: so I don't actually sit down on toilets, it turns out that's not how we're biologically designed to do it.

    • @nabilsalih2898
      @nabilsalih2898 Před 4 lety +265

      Explains Indian toilets

    • @netry3272
      @netry3272 Před 4 lety +71

      But he is right y'know

    • @adamstates2328
      @adamstates2328 Před 4 lety +45

      I already knew that and I always use to do it and my family would laugh at me for doing it.

    • @TonkaJay
      @TonkaJay Před 4 lety +73

      I also don't like the cold seat touching my butt. However, I also don't care to disrobe and squat.
      I'm gonna do it next time I need to at home just because then I can.
      As a half Japanese/Irish child me and my brothers did squat a lot to play in the dirt. I cannot squat as well as I could then. I'm guessing it's like bicycle riding. I'll be able to get right back to it once I try.

    • @zzdesolatezz
      @zzdesolatezz Před 4 lety +31

      I place a wide, thin wad of tissue at the center of the toilet before I squat so I don't get splash up. I also came up with this idea as a kid lol. As a bonus, it also helps to avoid smear marks. Oh, and also the second the turd hits the water be sure to flush immediately to mitigate the smell and if done right, nobody would ever even know you took a shit in the first place.

  • @garciaerick898
    @garciaerick898 Před 4 lety +1756

    1.Lower your filter. This will make others believe that you can't be any crazier than them.
    2.ask assumption questions. Pick up on cues and ask questions based off those and what interests you about them. It's okay to be honest.
    This is my way of engraving these lessons into my noggin :)

    • @e.m.3074
      @e.m.3074 Před 3 lety +32

      jokes on you, people open to me because i am most definitely crazier then them

    • @fallentitan7704
      @fallentitan7704 Před 2 lety +1

      @@e.m.3074 I bet im crazier

    • @e.m.3074
      @e.m.3074 Před 2 lety +9

      @@fallentitan7704 mental health is not a competition my guy

    • @happymimi1129
      @happymimi1129 Před 2 lety +1

      @@fallentitan7704 No, I'm craziest

    • @happymimi1129
      @happymimi1129 Před 2 lety +1

      @@e.m.3074 Said nobody ever

  • @neville1311
    @neville1311 Před rokem +19

    This is something I've realized I do unconsciously. I have never understood why people suddenly open up to me about so private stuff even though I haven't even known them for long. My next step is to learn how to actually respond to someone suddenly opening up cause rn I get really overwhelmed and I don't know how to properly answer.

  • @mellacorn7009
    @mellacorn7009 Před 2 lety +76

    As a person who rarely opens up I find it annoying and even more hard to open up when people try to hard to get me to open up. Like even if I know they aren’t being harmful it’s still difficult.

  • @MissCaptainStrange
    @MissCaptainStrange Před 4 lety +4536

    This is great. I hate small talk. I love deep, bonding conversations. I will definitely try this in my search to find a friend. Thank you 😊

    • @108ahah
      @108ahah Před 4 lety +136

      Agreed!!! Tried to learn from my extrovert friends , but in the end I still think small talk isn't suitable for me to use. I dislike it! Especially if it makes up most of your conversation.

    • @boiledmushroom9829
      @boiledmushroom9829 Před 4 lety +21

      I beat my wife now talk to me.

    • @boiledmushroom9829
      @boiledmushroom9829 Před 4 lety +30

      @@MissCaptainStrange yes I let her win a game called "sorry" every two years the rest of the time I beat her

    • @trombonetribute6433
      @trombonetribute6433 Před 3 lety +36

      I'll never understand what's so bad about casual conversations. You shouldnt expect to have a deep conversations with dozens of strangers.

    • @reshmaissac6364
      @reshmaissac6364 Před 3 lety +5

      @@trombonetribute6433 Exactly!

  • @evelynmccabe
    @evelynmccabe Před 3 lety +2333

    I needed this. The older I got, the more anxiety I gained, and the less I felt comfortable socializing with people. I have NEVER had a filter as a child and I was perfectly fine doing weird crap and making a fool of myself to have fun and be childish, but I lost this trait as I got older and stopped being able to talk to people because I felt uncomfortable being myself. This video really helps me to gain back what I once had.

    • @anassjebali5684
      @anassjebali5684 Před 2 lety +67

      I have the same problem, I hope one day I go back like the old me

    • @marcodurante9892
      @marcodurante9892 Před 2 lety +27

      I have the exact same problem

    • @sujit7292
      @sujit7292 Před 2 lety +28

      Same... I was not even able to put it into words :(

    • @fortunetaco4585
      @fortunetaco4585 Před 2 lety +7

      @@anassjebali5684 u are me

    • @ferchotorrico8032
      @ferchotorrico8032 Před 2 lety +18

      Happened the same, felt like i had much more friends and conversations when i was a kid compared to high school and nowadays. It's okay to be mature but sometimes we have to go back and pick up what we left behind, what we value the most about ourselves, that spark that once made us become happy somehow

  • @vincent4652
    @vincent4652 Před rokem +4

    3:09 is the part where it says "if you're out of shape or poor, don't even bother". That's great. That judgmentalism is why a lot of people off themselves.

  • @maurisa514
    @maurisa514 Před 3 lety +32

    This is exactly why every time I try to talk to someone in person it's always so awkward!!!! It's so sad to finally leave the house after quarantine just to be scared to socialize

  • @nabilsalih2898
    @nabilsalih2898 Před 4 lety +2694

    Pill low key believes in aliens

    • @nabilsalih2898
      @nabilsalih2898 Před 4 lety +86

      The evidence is overwhelming, so yea me too

    • @HahaYes
      @HahaYes Před 4 lety +67

      pillowkey

    • @anniesquyres6737
      @anniesquyres6737 Před 4 lety +9

      Don't most people

    • @ctrlzme.6448
      @ctrlzme.6448 Před 4 lety +40

      Tbh, if humans are real, then aliens should be real too. There can’t be only one planet that can withstand life.

    • @Andrewscreen
      @Andrewscreen Před 4 lety +19

      @@ctrlzme.6448 also different creatures and organisms my need different enviroments just like different animals maybe theres living species on planets that would be un habtiable for humans

  • @smosherforlifebitchh
    @smosherforlifebitchh Před 3 lety +3970

    "reduce your filter.. show youre comfortable with expressing yourself"
    me, with severe ADHD and zero filter: *ah so this is why people feel very comfortable around me*

    • @sfa797
      @sfa797 Před 3 lety +195

      I have adhd, but i filter literally everything before i say anything, which is y i dont talk to people and try avoiding any social interaction, i only open up to people who r close to me (close friends) ,not even my parents

    • @kloxzp
      @kloxzp Před 3 lety +5

      SAME like everything i say is unfiltered

    • @Lia-cg7or
      @Lia-cg7or Před 3 lety +40

      TRUE, i would've meet someone and randomly tell them abt how i swallowed a coin and then pooped it out afterwards

    • @tybarker5038
      @tybarker5038 Před 3 lety +12

      For real
      Can we make a club of people just like us lol

    • @shadbadrkhan7413
      @shadbadrkhan7413 Před 2 lety +3

      I feel you bro

  • @josephestridge344
    @josephestridge344 Před rokem +2

    DUDE! This worked immediately for me. I talked with strangers and people that I know and I was able to connect emotionally with everyone! Thanks so much! It changed my life!

  • @adekalhasan
    @adekalhasan Před 2 lety +46

    me: Opened up about myself to people I trust
    then I either get blackmailed or bullied

    • @cheeckypeach5965
      @cheeckypeach5965 Před 2 lety +1

      And they tell everyone about it..

    • @mosithil21
      @mosithil21 Před 2 lety +1

      and they would use that to bring you down

    • @raviedavieu
      @raviedavieu Před 2 lety

      Maybe something a bit less personal, like about how clouds and stars share a commonality of being in the sky!
      (Based on a true story because i literally can't think of any other examples, i'm sorry xD)

  • @anniea3411
    @anniea3411 Před 4 lety +843

    Me: *breathes*
    Everyone: "I had a horrificly traumatic childhood"

    • @shafaet1194
      @shafaet1194 Před 3 lety +14

      Annie A breathed in my perimeter, I feel happy!

    • @galaxi6585
      @galaxi6585 Před 2 lety +28

      ah yes. the shonen protag personality

  • @tinanana46
    @tinanana46 Před 4 lety +1729

    "... people know you have friends" .. well, I'm already doomed :D

  • @lee_yumii
    @lee_yumii Před rokem

    Thanks for this! I got a friend of mine to open up to me just recently. It was touching and heart warming to know that she felt comfortable sharing something she doesn't want anyone to know, and trusts me to keep it a secret.

  • @Bentcrowbar
    @Bentcrowbar Před 2 lety +4

    This video: *Exists*
    The therapist friend: *rigorously takes notes*

  • @szachgr43
    @szachgr43 Před 4 lety +571

    it's much easier to tell some "secrets" to someone who you don't know that people don't have a business to share this information to others or judge

    • @nat5hanlewis736
      @nat5hanlewis736 Před 3 lety +13

      Yep, cuz those people don't know who you are talking about, haha

    • @AppleWu-520
      @AppleWu-520 Před 7 měsíci

      Yessir, sounds right

  • @Greedude
    @Greedude Před 3 lety +868

    Most people don’t want to hear you talk too long about your own life or interests at first. It’s natural, everyone is guilty of it because people are inherently more self centered. But nobody likes the guy that dominates the conversation and ignores your thoughts to talk more about themselves. And everybody likes the guy that listens to what you have to say. So be the guy that asks questions and makes the other person open up to you while you make comments about whatever they’re talking about while trying to flatter them and boost their confidence. Makes conversation a lot smoother and both people more happy.

    • @mattb1568
      @mattb1568 Před 3 lety +7

      Yep, this is truth

    • @strivingfornewhorizons9281
      @strivingfornewhorizons9281 Před 2 lety +18

      True, something I really have to work on. I tend to overshare and not get to an end🙄
      Makes me feel guilty af whenever it happens (I usually realize it after the convo ends), I hope I'll be able to improve that soon

    • @kresspqressie7722
      @kresspqressie7722 Před 2 lety +2

      @@strivingfornewhorizons9281 bruh this is me

    • @Cooc0a
      @Cooc0a Před 2 lety +4

      It’s hard bc im simply trying to keep the convo going- but it ends up with me talking nonstop

    • @f.boogaloospook2318
      @f.boogaloospook2318 Před rokem

      Carnegie rule

  • @jarullins2
    @jarullins2 Před rokem +3

    this is very accurate! i did notice people opening up to me more often than ever since i started to live abroad. now it makes sense its just my conversation style. I hope ill get my friend to open up today, i really love him. really love.

  • @winterblue6035
    @winterblue6035 Před rokem +7

    This video made me realize why people open up to me. I actually do these things all the time without even realizing lol

  • @chiangedison8080
    @chiangedison8080 Před 4 lety +471

    My friend's friend quite literately called me a "9 seconds best friend" because how in nine seconds she said "I feel like i can tell you anything"

  • @ultleo839
    @ultleo839 Před 3 lety +816

    I'm watching this so that I know when people are trying to get me to open up and I can stop all of their efforts

  • @pjohns9532
    @pjohns9532 Před rokem +3

    I’ve always held the opinion that small talk is the killer of burgeoning friendships, and that if you really want lasting friendships you need to talk and share things that are real. Emotions, conflict, and happiness these are all experiences that we share and shouldn’t be shy’d away from in conversation

  • @raviedavieu
    @raviedavieu Před 2 lety +5

    Hi Improvement Pill! I know you'll likely never see this comment among the many that you must get regularly, but it's been only one day and I feel like seeing this video made me change for the better (with a little extra help of mustering up confidence!) so I wanted to come back to this video and thank you very honestly.
    It was a small and simple tip, but by asking one assumption question I got an entire conversation out of it with my best friend just today - despite the fact I've hardly been able to make topics between the two of us, and that's been making me sad until about an hour ago. Genuinely thanks again, for sharing your effective advice with everyone who greatly needed it~ ❤️❤️

  • @RealtalkwithIhuoma
    @RealtalkwithIhuoma Před 4 lety +681

    *This here is a great tool to live an influential life*

    • @fleskimiso
      @fleskimiso Před 4 lety +3

      Indeed

    • @davidvianello5881
      @davidvianello5881 Před 4 lety +2

      A little to influential, I must say...

    • @niohoe5033
      @niohoe5033 Před 4 lety +4

      lmao my classmate’s influence just uses it for her own gain I hate the fact that she’s like that

  • @alexandru1016
    @alexandru1016 Před 4 lety +5231

    Me: Can't wait to make people open-
    My social anxiety: Nope.

    • @108ahah
      @108ahah Před 4 lety +98

      I can't agree more with you!!!

    • @glossydrop8107
      @glossydrop8107 Před 4 lety +14

      Si eu :(

    • @alexandru1016
      @alexandru1016 Před 4 lety +102

      @Dashi
      Do you think i do that on purpose?

    • @somebodylikesbacon1960
      @somebodylikesbacon1960 Před 4 lety +16

      Same, I try to tell someone about the things I care about I remember what happened after telling someone about what I care about that one time in 4th grade and I still blame 4th grade and probably shouldn't.

    • @alexandru1016
      @alexandru1016 Před 4 lety +33

      @@somebodylikesbacon1960
      I'm sorry to hear that...take: ❤...a bit of love from me to everyone (i think we all need some) 🤗

  • @simonmills9554
    @simonmills9554 Před 2 lety +1

    This video just blew up my mind in so many different ways. I'm liking a girl on school, and even though I felt this kinda "opening" with her, I wanted her to feel the same. I never knew how to really talk to her, now for the first time I think I can, really appreciate man.

  • @tilarmeister
    @tilarmeister Před rokem +1

    GREAT POINT ABOUT THE "VALUE" THING.

  • @Inerize
    @Inerize Před 4 lety +693

    Ask deep questions, don't judge and just listen. Nobody likes to share intimate stuff so then someone can critic or give you advice.

    • @fleskimiso
      @fleskimiso Před 4 lety +30

      First thing is to listen.

    • @rebeccajones5546
      @rebeccajones5546 Před 4 lety +25

      Its so hard to start a conversation though

    • @guanedits6349
      @guanedits6349 Před 3 lety +8

      but then they take it as a way for them to talk on forever

    • @amansafeer2347
      @amansafeer2347 Před 2 lety

      @@guanedits6349 Mmm true

    • @guanedits6349
      @guanedits6349 Před 2 lety +1

      @@amansafeer2347 At this point I'm a professional listener lol

  • @TkevTV
    @TkevTV Před 4 lety +2309

    How to make people open up and make new friendships?
    *Be attractive and have friends*
    Uff

    • @pepperdayjackpac4521
      @pepperdayjackpac4521 Před 4 lety +29

      No.

    • @kennychallis1
      @kennychallis1 Před 4 lety +119

      @@pepperdayjackpac4521 but also yes

    • @masterchief5833
      @masterchief5833 Před 4 lety +24

      @@kennychallis1 lel yed but actually no but yes

    • @boondocs6657
      @boondocs6657 Před 4 lety +31

      Well yes but actually no,
      Everything that was stated was something that COULD be improved upon. So don't be too intimidated by the value given.

    • @burnt.norton
      @burnt.norton Před 4 lety +2

      it’s true.

  • @bennyblubman9476
    @bennyblubman9476 Před 2 lety +4

    3:35 Needing social value to say weird things makes so much sense. I don't really care about my looks but if I was looking bad for too long I felt like I needed to act less stupid and have more of a filter. Turns out I was right. I don't have mutton chops anymore so goodbye filter

  • @elizabethz7808
    @elizabethz7808 Před rokem +1

    Thank you for this, I’ll try it and hope for the best. I rlly want people to open up to me, I want to be able to support my friends and let them know they can trust me

  • @velucadhirim6725
    @velucadhirim6725 Před 4 lety +584

    Be yourself and dont care what other people think and you're filter will come off.

    • @ace-4634
      @ace-4634 Před 4 lety +58

      Sydney Shorltz Problem is, I can’t be myself. I really care what other people think about me and it makes me scared and sad and it stops me from doing things just because I don’t know what people will say about me.

    • @mattgarte8473
      @mattgarte8473 Před 4 lety +42

      @@ace-4634 LMAO you just opened up 😂 (It's not a bad thing)

    • @ace-4634
      @ace-4634 Před 4 lety +36

      Matt Writesalot In the internet im okay with it because nobody knows who I am but in real life.... yikes. ;-;

    • @therealvoltix
      @therealvoltix Před 4 lety +8

      @@ace-4634 I have friends who i became friends with super quick even I was surprised how quick and deep our relationship got (no homo) just be yourself even if your weird that dosent mean ppl wont be your friends if they see you dont care what others think and your true to yourself trust me they'll open up

    • @therealvoltix
      @therealvoltix Před 4 lety +1

      @@ace-4634 btw I'm the serious type so it grew on me how fast I became friends with some ppl i honestly dont even know who opened up first but yea

  • @jackarolax5770
    @jackarolax5770 Před 4 lety +310

    Ah, I can remember, when I told my friend a weird thing I tried one day. he didn't open up, instead, he told everyone in class about it and the whole class mocked me about it for several weeks. Nice.

    • @alexale665
      @alexale665 Před 4 lety +36

      Jackarolax from what I can tell, and this is just my guess, it sounds like that may have been not the best situation to have a deep conversation and opening up time. Maybe try something similar, but alone and in a more serious setting? Or maybe your friend just wasn’t being nice, as well as your classmates, that didn’t sound very nice either. I’m not actually sure, but that’s just what I could think of to try and help. Oh and maybe also try deepening your relationship with your friend beforehand by sharing things like that over time (hopefully without him going off and telling everyone else so they can mock you) and then try to get him to open up. Or maybe just doesn’t get it and doesn’t take what you say to heart or seriously. I really don’t know, sorry, just trying to help

    • @jackarolax5770
      @jackarolax5770 Před 4 lety +29

      @@alexale665 Thanks for the attempt to help, but I think that he is just not mature enough (me and him are 15) and I always tend to have really superficial conversations with him, even though I sometimes try to deepen the conversation. He basically just points out "funny" or stupid things in people or in other things. At first, its reslly funny, but then it starts to wear off and is really annoying. But I'm now in whats called in Germany "Obetstufe". Its the 11th and 12th Class and everyone has a customized schedule, that is based on what lessons he picked and which of them he left out. That leads to Classes beong torn apart and luckily me and my "friend" dont picked the same lessons, so we dont see each other that often again. I think, Im also starting to get to know better friends in the 11th class.

    • @omniscientomnipresent5500
      @omniscientomnipresent5500 Před 4 lety

      @@jackarolax5770 I feel you

    • @user-fz3ip3ke8p
      @user-fz3ip3ke8p Před 4 lety

      @@jackarolax5770 bin in genau der gleichen situation

    • @jackarolax5770
      @jackarolax5770 Před 4 lety

      @@user-fz3ip3ke8pwoher weißt du, dass ich deutsch kann?

  • @LowResFrog
    @LowResFrog Před 7 měsíci

    Omg I've been doing these things for a while & I didn't know how exactly i improveed myself & it's so nice to see it being talked about and put into actual words

  • @Oso-gr4kb
    @Oso-gr4kb Před 3 lety +1

    This was in my recommended and I realized I've been doing this naturally for years

  • @wj3309
    @wj3309 Před 3 lety +621

    I’m the person WHO ain’t opening up to my friends, i feel like a bad friend BuT i just can’t do it 👁👄👁

    • @BeesOfInk
      @BeesOfInk Před 3 lety +58

      It's better to open up. One way or another, the bottle of emotions will explode. I believe that maybe by taking small steps, you can fully open up.

    • @endlesssalt5887
      @endlesssalt5887 Před 3 lety +35

      You're gonna need to open up if you wanna maintain strong connections with your friends. Otherwise, your friends will eventually drift away.

    • @insecurebee
      @insecurebee Před 2 lety +6

      @@endlesssalt5887 Thanks Sherlock, I haven't thought about that yet! I am so lucky to read your comment (:

    • @endlesssalt5887
      @endlesssalt5887 Před 2 lety +21

      @@insecurebee Lol why you gotta be rude about it tho.

    • @jgobea0188
      @jgobea0188 Před 2 lety +5

      What, how are they like actually your friends if you are not yourself my problem is that I don't use my filter with my friends but I do it with everyone else so I don't end up making new friends

  • @junior1able
    @junior1able Před 4 lety +299

    My weird dilemma, is that I'm an introvert whose general body language nd lack of judgement invites ppl to share their life story with me. I definitely agree that the context of ur mode of thinking nd conversational topic makes a difference cuz I get bored of the everyday safe conversation

    • @mattb1568
      @mattb1568 Před 3 lety +12

      I’m the same way lol. People know I’m not surface level so they just jump in

    • @dgvanz1155
      @dgvanz1155 Před rokem

      I'm glad that it's not just me.

    • @karencardozoquintero3769
      @karencardozoquintero3769 Před rokem +1

      Comment from three years ago, but I feel the same way, I mean, what are the chances that when I'm in the mall, if I don't have my cell phone at hand, they talk to me? and I am severely introverted when the people on the buses are with me and I am there looking at the window all calm, they begin to talk to me. And they absolutely grab my attention. (From asking for the time, until a guy who sold tangerines on the road tried to make a sale with me even when I said NO. Several times)

    • @tiarac243
      @tiarac243 Před rokem

      This is literally my brother lol
      And then I'm the ADHD one with overt body language and very talkative haha

  • @mitsukislife
    @mitsukislife Před 2 lety +1

    This is a great video. I've noticed that people open up to me pretty quickly which will come in handy as a future healthcare provider. It also helps that I never shy away from sharing strange stories about myself haha

  • @tallestmanever4963
    @tallestmanever4963 Před 2 lety +3

    I love your art style, it’s so soothing for me.

  • @coreartalex6708
    @coreartalex6708 Před 4 lety +931

    2:21 My immediate question would be: Have you broke a toilet doing that?

    • @transkryption
      @transkryption Před 4 lety +71

      People break seats all the time doing this.
      Ive been in places that have to put signs up saying don't stand /squat with a diagram.

    • @kaliberaiz8703
      @kaliberaiz8703 Před 4 lety +12

      I do that because I don't want to have cramming poop, that's lt

    • @zecolher4309
      @zecolher4309 Před 4 lety +23

      I broke the two toilets in my house, but is so much better to poop this way

    • @vKazak8165
      @vKazak8165 Před 4 lety +23

      I use the trash bin that's right next to the toilet

    • @corneliu8827
      @corneliu8827 Před 4 lety +33

      my first question is: has he broken his bones sitting like that? i mean, just a slip and-

  • @ScottSwalwell
    @ScottSwalwell Před 4 lety +282

    be open, transparent and your authentic self who brings value, supports others and isn't afraid to share your weaknesses

    • @kaylorenzoctobre3453
      @kaylorenzoctobre3453 Před 3 lety +3

      But then they ghost you 😖

    • @shafaet1194
      @shafaet1194 Před 3 lety +12

      Don't share all your weaknesses with others. The world is a cruel place, it's not all butterflies and people are just gonna like you more and support you more. You can however open up about your weird traits, things that bother you, etc. Revealing your deep dark weaknesses to too many people will generally lead to them someday taking advantage of you when you're not close to them.

  • @geothompson9866
    @geothompson9866 Před 2 lety

    Thanks man. Been trying for so long to let this girl open up to me. Used your tips and she finally opened up her legs. *Subscribed*

  • @HayoMeh
    @HayoMeh Před rokem

    Even though I have few friends, they are open with me and tell me things they might not usually tell others. In fact, this is nothing to be proud of, but I am very happy that I was able to help, even if it was simple, by supporting, encouraging and advising them, and even listening is enough sometimes.

  • @akemidryzz9387
    @akemidryzz9387 Před 4 lety +421

    "people always tell me their deepest secret, even if we just met"
    "guys I poop in squat position, it rly cool"

  • @Brickinasock
    @Brickinasock Před 4 lety +863

    Squat On The Toilet Party 2020

  • @manager-nim2623
    @manager-nim2623 Před 2 lety +1

    I naturally do this when I find an interesting person to talk to, i just talk to them the why I'd like someone to pay attention when talking to me and it works most of the time, i didn't there's an actual trick to it

  • @renzomarines769
    @renzomarines769 Před rokem

    I'm 26 and only now I'm realizing all of this. Actually listening to people feels amazing.

  • @stayap-ng4fj
    @stayap-ng4fj Před 4 lety +331

    This is what i was thinking about just now, u reading my mind or smthing lol

  • @rabin_7
    @rabin_7 Před 4 lety +273

    Dude I also squat on the toilet seat
    Didn't know I was doing the right thing😂😂😂

    • @zzdesolatezz
      @zzdesolatezz Před 4 lety +35

      You didn't know, but it felt right didn't it?
      ...that question came off way weirder than I intended...

    • @rabin_7
      @rabin_7 Před 4 lety +3

      @@zzdesolatezz lol😂

    • @KitKat-nu8dv
      @KitKat-nu8dv Před 4 lety +2

      I would like to see LoL

    • @Andrey0153
      @Andrey0153 Před 4 lety +2

      Same, it just feels more natural

    • @gilangmustafa863
      @gilangmustafa863 Před 4 lety

      Try squats toilets then. A lot of seat-toilet is quite fragile for holding up adult human and will break eventually

  • @konradlinde
    @konradlinde Před rokem

    Thanks for posting this. Now I know what to look for when talking to people so I'm not tricked into talking too much.

  • @eminkilicaslan8945
    @eminkilicaslan8945 Před rokem +1

    That reducing filter thing, you mentioned it in another video about how to use is get rid of awkward silences, and I have been using it ever since and it does really help the conversation to flow, all thanks to you.

  • @monkiram
    @monkiram Před 4 lety +95

    In social psychology, we call this reciprocal self-disclosure, and it's how relationships naturally develop. When you first meet somebody, you start with small talk, then start asking each other questions or volunteering information about yourself that is increasingly more personal (eg. first you ask about career and kids, then you discuss opinions about a superficial topic, then a more meaningful topic, etc). When one person in the conversation discloses information about themselves that is personal, this makes the other person feel more comfortable in disclosing something personal about themselves, which encourages person 1 to continue disclose things that are increasingly personal, and that's how people go from strangers to friends.
    It seems that Improvement Pill's strategy is to fast-forward this natural process by disclosing something very personal from the get-go. Note that it doesn't necessarily have to be something social unacceptable, this strategy should still work if you disclose anything that is pretty personal. That said, the reason people don't usually do this is that disclosing personal things feels vulnerable, and most people don't want to put themselves out there like that without the build up in the conversation that I described earlier, that assures them that their partner will react favourably to their self-disclosure. Only very confident people who actually don't really care what people think would be able to do this, which probably isn't most of us.

    • @henrik1777
      @henrik1777 Před rokem +5

      you just saved me seven minutes of my valuable time thanks

  • @davewest2271
    @davewest2271 Před 3 lety +48

    I always wondered why random new acquaintances would just open up, but your reasoning behind why makes a LOT of sense

  • @Th30597
    @Th30597 Před 8 měsíci +2

    Well I think this is actually the most interesting video I have seen in a while

  • @dumbbitchray6079
    @dumbbitchray6079 Před 4 lety +57

    Me, about to be a freshman: *takes notes*

  • @violetvettie4502
    @violetvettie4502 Před 3 lety +52

    I just realized that I'm always the listener for my friends and I never open up to them cause I have trust issues and not act trust
    Them

    • @makvala7656
      @makvala7656 Před 3 lety +12

      Same.
      Like this vid is about how to open up OTHERS but in my case, I'm the one that needs to open up, but idk how to do it, cuz sometimes i feel like my friends talk more than they want to listen, or maybe I'm the one that doesn't talk...idk😞

    • @brianna4657
      @brianna4657 Před 2 lety +5

      Exactly! Most of my friends tend to open up and they tell me their problems, secrets and stuff. But now I'm realizing that I actually never opened up to any of them.

  • @o.kavurko8599
    @o.kavurko8599 Před 9 měsíci +1

    I met situations when people opened up on very early stages of conversations and they started to avoid me after. I knew I didn’t make them feel judged or something but the fact that I knew them from the hidden side made them feel scared of me in some way. I know their deepest secrets and therefore I have a power over them

  • @captainpeluche3787
    @captainpeluche3787 Před rokem

    This is great as they will see you as a trusted person they can open up too and probably become friends with you!

  • @koemi0199
    @koemi0199 Před 4 lety +14

    My crush has all these tips perfected, he just knows exactly how to talk to people and how to get people to feel relaxed around him. I hardly talk to anyone because I’m so shy and anxious all the time, but this guy always knows exactly how how make me open up, he’s very encouraging and listens intently to everything I say and gives the best advice... He’s very popular and loads of people enjoy hanging around him because he’s just so easy to relax around. He can say the most random funny things and it instantly lets everyone know he’s always being completely himself so he’s someone people can trust opening up to. I really want to be like that, and this video definitely highlights his key aspects and explains it well. I lack confidence and would love to be able to just say random funny things to just break the ice with people and be that person everyone trusts enough to open up to.

  • @mahmoudhakem7642
    @mahmoudhakem7642 Před 4 lety +93

    "Not my friends my coworkers not even anyone"
    Posts it on youtube for the whole world to see

  • @evadidier7451
    @evadidier7451 Před 2 lety +1

    Thanks, now I can avoid creepy dudes who will try to open me up trying to follow that tutorial! It's kind of weird trying to make someone comfortable if it ain't natural tbh...

  • @olivia9770
    @olivia9770 Před 4 lety +14

    2:38 no, let's talk about that instead

  • @WeAreBlank18
    @WeAreBlank18 Před 3 lety +48

    I’ve been trying to become friends with people, and realised that the thought of too many ingenue friends is crowding and randomly useless.
    I realised what to talk about is what my passions are, because if it’s deemed as acceptable by at least one person, then I would feel a lot more comfortable than trying any small talk (as this video mentioned).
    It isn’t thanks to this video that I realised this, but it is thanks to this video that I feel more empowered with my ability to make rationalised decisions with no limits of ‘realism’.

  • @uilliamunknown4844
    @uilliamunknown4844 Před 2 lety +1

    Oooh 😯 that’s why people used to open up to me all the time when I was younger. I had no filter and was naturally empathetic. Damn I have to get back there.

  • @angstboo
    @angstboo Před 2 lety +2

    hhh ive literally been doing this exact thing most my life and i 100% agree! especially if you are more widely known to be a open and non-judgmental person.
    there are two types of people then, the ones that first talk to you expecting you to "do worse" than they expect, mostly to be suprised by how easily they do loosen up (especially if you tell them about how you do it, eg. getting people out of their shell), or the ones that come into the conversation with the mindset people that know you have told them about! it makes it a little easier to get a conversation going when they do the latter, but i do it for the people, since i wanna meet them, so i guess i dont really mind either :D

  • @ewengalerne1754
    @ewengalerne1754 Před 3 lety +27

    That's exactly what I've been doing for years without even knowing it

    • @angstboo
      @angstboo Před 2 lety +1

      I realize a while ago after analizing the way i acted in a specific situation! its great to know about it, that way i can actively make people feel safe around me :D

  • @rrilex12
    @rrilex12 Před 4 lety +52

    I heard a scalpel works pretty well

  • @OlivesGarden624
    @OlivesGarden624 Před rokem

    Watching with fully open eyes and ears

  • @justinehercthehuman
    @justinehercthehuman Před 7 měsíci +1

    When I was in the closet, I came out to someone who I thought was also in the closet.
    After I came out to him, he also came out to me. Got an immediate friend right there.

  • @mightytgaming3
    @mightytgaming3 Před 4 lety +126

    That was the shortest 7 minutes of my life

  • @syantuts
    @syantuts Před 4 lety +36

    Im gonna start doing this. It's scary but I want to change man.

  • @hungduy311
    @hungduy311 Před 2 lety

    this video saved my life ,legend

  • @angeloarcangel8285
    @angeloarcangel8285 Před 3 lety +1

    This is exactly me. Hahaha!
    This answered my long time question on why people always can easily open up to me even if we barely know each other.

  • @fiend05able1
    @fiend05able1 Před 4 lety +106

    Person: hey hows it goi
    Me: I LIKE TO SQUAT ON TOILETS

  • @ShreeNation
    @ShreeNation Před 4 lety +121

    Hey there, just want to say thank you for all your work. These videos are sometimes the only things that keep me going in my solitary self-improvement work. :')

  • @Frogatthegym
    @Frogatthegym Před rokem +2

    In the closed image on the thumb, their eyes are open, and closed in the open image. Proof of trust is being able to close your eyes around the person

  • @touchsomegrass1193
    @touchsomegrass1193 Před 2 lety

    okay someone give this man a reward

  • @juni2583
    @juni2583 Před 4 lety +43

    Now I get why a lot of my high school friends told me secrets (not gossip, they liked to gossip about each other, I wasn't interested in tea) and one of my English institute friends came out of the closet to me in a party. I consider myself an introvert and can't go further than small talk without getting socially exhausted, but I guess the small interactions and me listening to others was all I needed to be trustworthy! I'm glad people can count on me when they need to get something out of their chest :)

  • @nishatlala3990
    @nishatlala3990 Před 4 lety +44

    I wanted to use this video to try and make friends in school. Then he said the “increase your value” part.....yeah I have 0 value at school

  • @manumm8802
    @manumm8802 Před 2 lety +2

    my youtube feed always knows what i need 😭👌

  • @jorutonatsu7264
    @jorutonatsu7264 Před 2 lety

    HOW AMAZING IS THIS CHANNEL!!!

  • @ceewe988
    @ceewe988 Před 4 lety +46

    DUDE I HAVE THIS GUY I WANNA GET TO KNOW BUT WE’RE BOTH SO AWKWARD AND SHY, HOW DID CZcams KNOW THIS-
    Edit: We’ve been dating for over a year now

    • @l0613r
      @l0613r Před 3 lety +3

      LOL i'm in the same situation

    • @ceewe988
      @ceewe988 Před 3 lety +7

      @@l0613r bro, he’s my boyfriend now

    • @tareqdarwish3629
      @tareqdarwish3629 Před 3 lety +5

      @@ceewe988 I don't know why I feel so proud although I don't even know you. Nice going stranger ✊🏻👍🏻

    • @ceewe988
      @ceewe988 Před 3 lety +5

      @@tareqdarwish3629 thank you very much stranger, 8 months into the relationship and its going great! Have a nice day!

    • @tareqdarwish3629
      @tareqdarwish3629 Před 3 lety +6

      @@ceewe988 keep it up and going weeb person🙌🏻🙌🏻 all power to you

  • @alexale665
    @alexale665 Před 4 lety +25

    I’m so glad you talked about when it’s okay to reduce your filter vs being filterless, because there are so many people I’ve talked to who don’t have filters and it produces a very negative effect on me and the people around them. So thank you for clarifying that difference so that everyone isn’t just running around without a filter haha 😆