I detest this way of thinking! But a lot of Black think this way. That's why they are so quick to have a man's children. They think a child support check solves everything. #BirdBitchThinking #FuckboyAntics
Opinions, Facts And Logic , untrue. Single mother and the people who love them may present that thought process, but that is usually because the greater society is always knocking them down, and because life is hard. If you don't boost your self up, no one will. No person who can do arithmetic actually wishes for single Parenthood.
@Opinions, Facts And Logic buuuut.. why are you seeking to tear down a single mom That's the question... Why do you seek to pick apart the person who actually stayed to take care of their responsibility and give a pass to the person who abandoned their child.? How about you bring the non-active, non accountable parent to the table first. Cause/Effect That speaks to the real issue..
@Opinions, Facts And Logic so in that story... Where the Father? In that story with children being treated like that.. it would be the job of the other Parent(or responsable adults).. to step in and make sure those kids are safe and have what they need. That story.. sounds like either a Mom(person) with an addiction or mental health issue.. and in those situations having a dependable support system is definatly a valid need. No one can say that children who are left in those types of conditions are well taken care of... But maybe that person getting praised for being a good Mom is praised cause shes was a good as..she knew how to be in those circumstances.. I caution anger towards a person who did what they could verse the absolution of a person that didnt even try That's all it is. Also.. the house had holes.. Did the other parent show up so the kids wouldnt be left alone? Did their other parent ever show up to cover those holes? Did the other parent show up to bring food? Did the other parent show up to pay the heat bill? ... when there were cock roaches crawling around did that other parent show up to exterminate the house... or better yet take the kids to live with them?.. ..if the answers to all those questions are no... But the only person you have an issue with is the Mom ..then that's the exact point of the whole video.
Her vulnerability is breathtaking. Her honesty is so palpable. She didn’t try to portray herself as perfect, the best, etc. She was just real. Bravo! I applaud her truth, pain, and ability to communicate her vulnerability so much because it creates the space and opportunity for real growth. I wish her the best.
Her song Complicated is about him...I remember her gushing about marrying this up-and-coming producer back in the day...I remember finding out it was The Dream later on and being like wow....I saw this interview and she says she's working on new music. I'm glad she's getting back out there and fulfilling her passions
Thank you, I think people forget this. She was his wife and had a whole life with that man. I think for about 4 or 5 years. Some of the comments from other post made it seem like she had a bunch a babies by famous guys and messed up her whole. Someone actually had the nerve to say why keep getting pregnant. She was married that's what most married people do.
I don’t think she is resentful but she recognizes she have gave up one dream, a singer for another being a great mother (as defined by her own standards) I do feel her pain. I have been putting off children with my husband because I don’t want to have to compromise my career for children. Nobody will never tell a man to work less and spend more time with your children. It’s just the way it is
Wow all this time I was like "Nivea hit a lick having kids with these sucessful men" I didnt think about how she really sacrificed her career to be the best mom she could be and we don't really see any sacrifices from Wayne or the Dream. Financially, they probably do their part, but actually raising them? There's no way. They both have more children with other women; it's barely possible to be there for all those kids. Iyanla needs to come through with the babydolls.
@@IAmNextUp Wheres the better men? Nivea was married when she had 3 of her kids. Even marriage wasnt enough to keep a dude present that didnt want to be there
@@IAmNextUp What the hell are you talking about??? A) you didn't answer the question of where to find these men. B ) Dream wasnt an industry dude at the time they got married. Your point has nothing to do with Niveas situation.
@@IAmNextUp You dont know most black women let alone their value systems so stop. And funny. You've got all this "advice" but no follow through on how one is actually supposed to follow this BS you're peddling. Have a good day sir
I think alot of ppl feel sorry for her now bc they were the main ppl thinking she should be grateful for having celebrity baby father's. I heard for years ppl assume she was good and rolling in money bc of the child support payments. For some ppl its much more than money. Some women literally sacrifice their hopes and dreams for their family
It’s sad because women should be able to have children (single parent or not) and still be respected in the industry. It’s a shame that such a talented woman had to take all that on her own and didn’t receive any help from lil Wayne or the Dream who definitely could have been there for her and her career. I really loved her music.
I just wanted to give her a hug cause clearly she has been thru and going thru a lot. I'm proud of Nivea for walking in and telling her truth. There are many women with the same stoiry so she is not alone. I pray future success to her.
I so appreciate you for speaking on this subject. As I keep revisiting the video about Nievea, what I hear is a woman a mother who has nothing but deep, deep, deep love for her children. However she is extremely overwhelmed. I feel that alot. My children are my my air I breathe but it does overwhelmed you being and doing everything for your children. I never regret my children they are my first real true loves.
My father was a single parent raising two kids on his own (with the help of his mother) and he received so much crap for getting custody of his own children. He was told that he could just, "put them up on the state". That was back in 1972 when being a good dad was considered optional.
i love THIS Kim. I'm 41 and JUST met my father less than a year ago. I used to be so mad at my mom's failures in mothering but now as a whole grown woman, I realize she was the parent who stayed so I can't stay mad at her for her effort. Anyway, yes, chile! Continue to do the work of the Lord.
This industry (hell life) will chew you up and spit you out. This is why I'm one and done. I don't have the support to be the kind of mother more than one child would need/deserve.
I cried during that clip... I feel her! I give my all to my son... stressed, tired, cranky. I push that to the side to crack a smile and try my best to be positive. It's hard, but my determination to ensure that he feels supported in all areas pushes through! And my career is on hold until I get to a place where I feel no guilt. Noncustodial parents don't understand the WORK that goes into raising these people. I wish I could just chunk some change and pursue my life goals. Tuh!
I saw her interview and as a product of a single mother, I found myself really touched by her story. In a way she reminds me of my mom. Parenting is a really tough job and I’ve realized this more and more as I’ve gotten older. It takes a lot of strength and resilience to decide that you’re not going to ask for any help from anybody when raising kids. She chose her kids over her career. It probably wasn’t even a choice as much as it was a responsibility, something she had to do because she wasn’t going to let her kids suffer. That is extremely significant. Children don’t ask to be here. But when you bring them into this world you have to nurture them. You have to rearrange your life for them. I really hate that the fathers haven’t helped her. I don’t care how much money they have, if you’re not there for your family you’re a Deadbeat in my book.
It's just like how some people were actually upset with Denzel Washington's son for praising his mother and pointing out that she put aside her own dreams to support Denzel and to be a good mother to her children. There's this pervasive expectation that women are designed to pick up all slack and, in a sense, to suffer more than men. And a woman who doesn't happily suffer or doesn't suffer enough for motherhood is seen as kind of unfavorable and bad. It's nuts. I think the Abrahamic religions are the main influences to blame.
I watch the Nivea interview and it broke my heart. I could tell that she wanted to live out her dream and that she had to put that aside and raise her children. A real man is there for his children. A real man teaches his children and support his children. It takes TWO people to raise children not just ONE! Good video
I had a child in my mid twenties, discovered my child had autism, I stopped working . Its been 7 years. The father sees him one time in a year gives us minimun amount . I feel for her in a way. I am struggling to go back to school to get a better job but with the idea that I will see my son during the weekend gives such stress.
Shoot I learned this lesson....I have one son and don't want anymore because of this...people ask me U WANT ANYMORE KIDS? I'm like...UH NO....IM NOT MARRIED AND IM NOT GOING THRU WHAT I WENT THRU WIT MY SONS FATHER.....EVER!
People kill me with this comment... it’s one thing to have a child with a loser that has multiple children all around and it’s another to marry the love of your life who doesn’t show up after marriage & children. Sometimes you don’t know what you have until they change.
I absolutely loved your comment about her struggle being an example of why you don't want children. Society really isn't all the supportive of women with professional ambitions and 9//10 times women are kind of forced into/expected to give up their dreams to be a mother. We have to be the martyrs and its upsetting.
Literally Bobby brown is the only black celebrity dad that was like I loved my kids but I was a crappy parent and they thought I was their playmate. Every black woman don't get what "appears" to be the Beyonce experience we're u get to do both. I say appears because is she really packing blus lunch we don't know. Nivea is showing that otherside of the coin where she wasn't able to just have a baby and bounce back on stage . There are far more niveas in the world than Beyonce's
@Rhonda Ryder even at your best life happens haveing a throng of Nanny's at your disposal is not common place for any one. On average there are more niveas in the world than Beyonce's period . I know regular women who worked built their career married well then had children. They even hired part time Nanny's it makes it easier yes but they still end up tired and worn out because being a good mother is hard if you aren't extremely wealthy
The affection she has for her children is awesome to me. I come from a place where crack kept men and women from being around. She ain't let nothing get in the way. That's love.
I feel her story. I was a teen mom and attempted college but didn't finish my daughter has a disability and as she got higher in school I had to be around more. Also being single mom no help and growing up myself and providing for us it's hard. My daughter is 21 now in college, no kids, mature, well mannered. I have he chance now to finish school, explore business ideas. I do encourage women to wait if possible. Find yourself, love yourself it makes it easier.
My dad always told me" Luv,,have a baby when you can take care of the baby, always make sure you good" ... if the man gonna be there or not, always be good have something
I love that she had the courage to share how she honestly feel, many single mothers had to choose between work or kids. You cannot be at work early if you're the head of your department and take your kids to school, you either give your time to work or home.
In the Netflix doc about Quincy Jones, he said he was a terrible father and realized too late that he needed to fix his issues with his children, and establish a relationship, I think this is part of the problem with the music industry is that when you get whatever you want and can work at music and have all kinds of assistants you can get negligent of children and family
I don’t think she resents them. I think that she feels sad that the world isn’t more understanding of mothers trying to make it with children. I also feel that she says “the fathers can’t show up” because they are famous and can’t go to parent teacher night. That’s just how I understood it. Love your channel!!!
I thought that this was a lotion commercial gone offensive. Smh. I was wondering why people cared about that thick ass cream so much. Wow I 100% agree with everything you said. I’m glad that she didn’t abandon her kids though
Yes, this was a sad video to watch. Kudos to Nivea. And yes ForHarriet, having children is HELLA hard.....and my husband is an active partner and father to our 2 children (can't imagine more than two). I definitely do not recommend having kids unless you feel comfortable sacrificing yourself for a bit. And, that is okay. I wish we as a society, especially Black ppl, respected and appreciated more those who willfully decide NOT to procreate.
I feel like if you wait a little longer in life to have kids with the right partner, I think you’re experience will be a little different or just have one, not four. In that industry it’s hard to manage with kids. I think if should would have stopped at 1 or 2 she could have still did it, but 4 that’s a lot to manage even in corporate.
There's definitely men who show signs from a mile away but honestly you never going to know if he's right for the task until you actually put them through it. That's the sad part
Melissa S Morris that’s not a great observation because you can be a certain age, have the money and think it’s the right partner until they are put to the rest of husband/ father! Life will throw you a Super CurveBall ! # Youcanneverbereadyforlife
well she was married and probably thought The Dream was it..which most married people do. So they decided to have 3 children together. Sad your comment put it all on her
Huge double standards for single mothers and deadbeat dads. I felt bad for nivea but I feel there's a responsibility for women to be careful on who they have children with. Never have kids by a dude who got multiple baby mamas if he ain't a good dad to his older kids or respectful to his baby mamas don't think you aren't any expectations. Ciara (even doe her and future are great now in co-parenting), Nivea and many other women have to deal with the consequences of those situations
I'm also going to need the double standard of a guy having multiple babys moms to be dealt with too.... Cause let a woman have more than 1 father of her children..people turn their nose up at her. But dudes have 15 children with 13 women and yall figure out how it's the womens fault. Condoms are sold in every convenience store.. and your vasectomy is the best birth control a man can buy... however yall should lobby for a monthly shot or pill yall can take for sperm (birth)control ... cause it shouldn't all be in the hands of women..since yall are half of the equation.
I love my son with every breath in me...but trust me he wasnt planned and I don't want to bring another child in this world that I and thier father didnt plan for
I think we need to do a better job at discussing the real consequences of having children, especially if they are brought into the world with questionable circumstances. I think we have become too politically correct because if you say children should be raised with two parents some people scream respectability politics, but it is true. And to take it further, children need to be raised in a tribe to be healthy. I am a teacher and I have seen the ramifications of people having children that they weren't ready for or that they couldn't support, financially, emotionally, etc. and it is heartbreaking. Having children needs to be taken much more seriously, especially in the black community.
That interview was the most refreshing I have seen in a while. When she said that she could have went to the tabloids but didn't was very surprising to hear, also it made me think of my dad. While my dad was and is still in my life, my mom did almost everything. From going to parent teaching conferencing, doctor's visit, or staying with us while we are sick, was done from my mom. My mom also worked at a hard job and still did all of that with 4 kids. Being a parent should not be optional for men
Society ditches mothers because motherhood is not fantasy, it’s not entertaining and it’s not fun. Entertainers have a choice: keep giving us fantasy or give ur children reality. It’s a hard choice. If u hv ur full village, it’s possible. Ladies. Women in history have fought a great battle to give us the choice to have a child, if and when we want. Protect ur ovaries and eggs like it’s nobody’s business. Because when the wrong guy gets to ur egg, it’s over. Life’s challenges just tripled.
Personally i think this is a fallacy that the American society sells the women here. Motherhood cannot be done alone, you need a village whether that is a romantic partner or extended family.
Great Video and commentary Nivea was formerly married to Dream and they have three children and then she was formerly engaged to Wayne and they share one child I wish her the best and hope she gets to achieves her ultimate goals and dreams that she has desired so much to do and complete I still love her as a person and enjoy her music and vibe still a fan & supporter can't wait to hear the new album💕💕💘💓
Children have a financial and a greater emotional cost. If you don't invest, there are areas of underdevelopment obvious to those who know these people as adults. There are no free passes, just less attention given to some that left emotional debris and decay. It's not right but it's also not a privilege to get encouragement or even dismissal of your destructive and detrimental behavior. People will help you screw your own life up and that's not good, even if it's not applied fairly.
I feel like the only deadbeat dad that I could ever stomach was my friend's dad. He was an alcoholic and he met my friend's mom in a bar and they were in a relationship for a while, and he wasn't ready to commit, so she went off her birth control without telling him, and he felt like he had to be there for this kid so he married her, then she got real abusive, like throwing shit, and they had two kids together, and then he had to divorce her because he couldn't stay and because of his substance issues he couldn't win in the custody battle in court, and he got sober but he was too afraid of my friend's mom to go back so he stayed paying 125% of child support hoping that the kids would be ok. Then when my friend got kicked out, she started living with her dad and he's just now trying to learn how to be a dad, and she's 18, was 17 when she moved in with him, and she didn't really need a dad anymore. Its like that and prison are the only reasons it's acceptable to abandon a kid that you helped make. No. either you give them up for adoption as babies or you be a dad. you in this mess
Omg Kim lol, I almost didn’t watch because I knew you would get into why you don’t want kids. I feel for her situation but listen to her conviction. She still loves her children and life is hard because of her dedication to them. I’m so happy to still be married with kids and being abandoned with children is definitely scary, but I wouldn’t allow it to cripple me or change my entire path because of what society supports. I’m still a working and very active mom. I’m Not invalidating your want to be be a mother, just adding to the dialogue. :-)
Traveler86 Love Right. It's not easy, I would never tell that lie, but I love having children. It's so fulfilling. While I also still make it my business to pursue all my interest outside of parenthood. That said, I have great respect for people who simply don't want children. I rather someone figure that out and acknowledge it opposed to having children mistakenly or haphazardly and end up being a trash parent.
it's so jarring to me hearing these testimonials of absent fathers that get praise from their kids anyways?? my dad was very very involved in my life, he did my hair cooked my meals helped with my homework and had a pretty hood career and got a couple graduate degrees without sacrificing family life, i know it's possible to have because i've lived it but i can't help but think that his devotion is there because he was raised by a single mom and only that made a difference. my dentist, a friend of his, has 4 kids all with different mothers and he's been just as devoted to each of their lives same as my dad, so it's inexcusable really imo to replace parenthood with child support money or whtvr.
I loved this....what you said is the God honest truth...we are collectively failing....in resources, in accountability, in expectation and standards for me, in support, in prevention. I can relate first hand. Women bear the brunt of it all and it shouldn't have to be that way.
I think the worst things about the passes we give men is that when men don't know where their kids are and they aren't married to they baby mama, they just assume she has it under control. like the whole thing with Quincy Jones or whoever is rediculus because if a woman, or even a father who's married to their baby mama wouldn't be able to sleep. but he can just let it go because he's not the care giver and so he's not responcible
I admire Nivea's passion in this, but this pain doesn't represent all single mother experiences. The number of kids your children's father has before you got with him and the number of children you decide to have with this man makes a huge difference.
This shook my core but when are we going to hold "baby mamas" accountable? Lil Wayne is a walking and talking bad decision and she CHOOSE to breed with him. Lil Wayne is a piece of shit but Nivea made some bad choices too. I'm still going to buy her new album to support her but come on girl!
Even as a woman I have to speak up for the dads who are there with their jobs and their presence in their children lives who end up getting the same grade at the guy who who wrote a check and phoned in being a Daddy. I’d be pissed 😠 You guys should talk that out because when we 👩🏽🦱👩🏼🦱👩🏻🦰👱🏻♀️👩🏻 say something, it’s called bitching and hysteria. Edit: We’ll just call this this Pass/Fail parenting. A bear minimum standard. Also Rashida Jones is Quincy Jones Daughter 🤯
The clips about Quincy Jones was very eye-opening. This black man ACTUALLY said that being able to sleep and marry WHITE WOMEN was LIBERATION. How pitiful.....liberating to have sexual access to a group of women all while still being oppressed in thousands of other ways. This msn will never have my respect no matter the music and films he did,thrn lump that up with him being a deadbeat. Paying the fee financially does not cover all tbe time put in emotionally,physically etc... poor excuse for a man
@@tineal09 She might just still have some of those crackish mannerisms....But she 99% seems to be high in this video....I have seen previous videos of her and she didn't have this kinda of vibe.....just saying......
I agree with what your saying but I don’t think this video had anything to do with being a single mom, (which is something she stated she choose) what you see is a woman battling drug addiction that what’s sad. The take away should be don’t ever do cocaine
There is such a dearth of effective parenting in the black American community that the bar is set really low. I've heard athletes and rappers quip back at someone calling into question their absenteeism and inadequate parenting that they are good fathers and not deadbeats like their own dads because "at least they financially support their kids". Sigh. They come from backgrounds and families where because the mother was financially doing it on her own, throwing money at your kids once month is to them the only necessary indicator of good parenting 😒
UranusRising Absolutely not true. Stastically, the majority of children I single parent homes are white (remember, there are far more white children than black). Also, per the Washington Post, black men contribute more than any other group when living outside the home). That’s a stereotype that won’t die.
When society tells men that the biological father is replaceable and that it's step daddy season, you get men who don't see the value of fatherhood. When men see no value in something they put no effort into it. I feel bad for the single mothers because 1. Some men barely like their own kids so he wont like another man's kids. 2. If you do find a good father he normally treat his children better than he does yours(human nature) 3. Most childless men aren't trying to be step daddies.
Marriage, babies can wait. Every women that does what she did, they always end up regretting not following their dreams is what I have seen in my 30 plus years life
Uh... when you have children that tends to happen. She had her chance and she chose her mate. I don't see this as sad this is what real life is life for a hardworking parents. Those checks she gets come from somewhere. A lot of people take the work fathers do for granted work takes a shit ton toll on you trying to provide financially for a family and sometimes you sacrifice the emotional part.
A check alone doesn’t raise a child. All it does is provide you with the materials you need to provide for the child. Money doesn’t magically turn into food, clothes, and shelter. In this case, the mother has to take the time to make these transactions, on top of supporting her children emotionally and physically. I’m pretty sure you’re able to broaden your mind a little more than that, Leo. The point of this video was to open your eyes to see the discrepancies and imbalance of responsibility between men and women when it comes to raising a child, and yet you still managed to come on here and fuel that same broken mentality that society holds on to so dearly.
That might be true for your regular schmegular schmoe but I do not buy that when it comes to these rich dudes. They woulda been doing this kids or not.
Our society says good provider = good dad and no more is said about it.
I despise that.
I detest this way of thinking! But a lot of Black think this way. That's why they are so quick to have a man's children. They think a child support check solves everything.
#BirdBitchThinking #FuckboyAntics
Opinions, Facts And Logic , untrue. Single mother and the people who love them may present that thought process, but that is usually because the greater society is always knocking them down, and because life is hard. If you don't boost your self up, no one will. No person who can do arithmetic actually wishes for single Parenthood.
@Opinions, Facts And Logic buuuut.. why are you seeking to tear down a single mom
That's the question...
Why do you seek to pick apart the person who actually stayed to take care of their responsibility and give a pass to the person who abandoned their child.?
How about you bring the non-active, non
accountable parent to the table first.
Cause/Effect
That speaks to the real issue..
@Opinions, Facts And Logic so in that story...
Where the Father?
In that story with children being treated like that.. it would be the job of the other Parent(or responsable adults).. to step in and make sure those kids are safe and have what they need.
That story.. sounds like either a Mom(person) with an addiction or mental health issue.. and in those situations having a dependable support system is definatly a valid need.
No one can say that children who are left in those types of conditions are well taken care of...
But maybe that person getting praised for being a good Mom is praised cause shes was a good as..she knew how to be in those circumstances..
I caution anger towards a person who did what they could
verse
the absolution of a person that didnt even try
That's all it is.
Also.. the house had holes..
Did the other parent show up so the kids wouldnt be left alone?
Did their other parent ever show up to cover those holes?
Did the other parent show up to bring food?
Did the other parent show up to pay the heat bill?
... when there were cock roaches crawling around did that other parent show up to exterminate the house... or better yet take the kids to live with them?..
..if the answers to all those questions are no...
But the only person you have an issue with is the Mom
..then that's the exact point of the whole video.
Her vulnerability is breathtaking. Her honesty is so palpable. She didn’t try to portray herself as perfect, the best, etc. She was just real. Bravo! I applaud her truth, pain, and ability to communicate her vulnerability so much because it creates the space and opportunity for real growth. I wish her the best.
She was actually married to The Dream. They have 3 kids together. He divorced her when he blew up as a solo artist.
Her song Complicated is about him...I remember her gushing about marrying this up-and-coming producer back in the day...I remember finding out it was The Dream later on and being like wow....I saw this interview and she says she's working on new music. I'm glad she's getting back out there and fulfilling her passions
Thank you, I think people forget this. She was his wife and had a whole life with that man. I think for about 4 or 5 years. Some of the comments from other post made it seem like she had a bunch a babies by famous guys and messed up her whole. Someone actually had the nerve to say why keep getting pregnant. She was married that's what most married people do.
That's fucked up
By the way she was formerly engaged to Wayne Carter whom she had her youngest son by.
@@beverlycarter6916 i agree set them straight..
I don’t think she is resentful but she recognizes she have gave up one dream, a singer for another being a great mother (as defined by her own standards)
I do feel her pain. I have been putting off children with my husband because I don’t want to have to compromise my career for children. Nobody will never tell a man to work less and spend more time with your children. It’s just the way it is
💯
Wow all this time I was like "Nivea hit a lick having kids with these sucessful men" I didnt think about how she really sacrificed her career to be the best mom she could be and we don't really see any sacrifices from Wayne or the Dream. Financially, they probably do their part, but actually raising them? There's no way. They both have more children with other women; it's barely possible to be there for all those kids. Iyanla needs to come through with the babydolls.
I can see Wayne being high and dropping a doll or two on the floor... LOL!
I don’t think she needs iyanla she is aware what happened, being a full time mother does not call for iyanla.
Lennae Daley No, the fathers need Iyanla.
Dee Long you told no lie!!!! Lol
@@lennaedaley8676 yeah i mean the fathers need iyanla
Nivea is amazing for making that sacrifice. Black men don’t appreciate these sacrifices black mothers make.
1titans You can deny it all you want but it’s true.
@@IAmNextUp Wheres the better men? Nivea was married when she had 3 of her kids. Even marriage wasnt enough to keep a dude present that didnt want to be there
@@IAmNextUp What the hell are you talking about??? A) you didn't answer the question of where to find these men. B ) Dream wasnt an industry dude at the time they got married. Your point has nothing to do with Niveas situation.
@@IAmNextUp You dont know most black women let alone their value systems so stop. And funny. You've got all this "advice" but no follow through on how one is actually supposed to follow this BS you're peddling. Have a good day sir
@@1titans Because lots of black women get played by tons of black men. But they are lying right?
I think alot of ppl feel sorry for her now bc they were the main ppl thinking she should be grateful for having celebrity baby father's. I heard for years ppl assume she was good and rolling in money bc of the child support payments. For some ppl its much more than money. Some women literally sacrifice their hopes and dreams for their family
Well Dream played Christina Milian also. So we know Dream aint sh#t either.
It’s sad because women should be able to have children (single parent or not) and still be respected in the industry. It’s a shame that such a talented woman had to take all that on her own and didn’t receive any help from lil Wayne or the Dream who definitely could have been there for her and her career. I really loved her music.
I watched the whole video and it broke my heart. She sacrificed so much for her kids and didn't complain one bit. This made me wanna hug my momma
I just wanted to give her a hug cause clearly she has been thru and going thru a lot. I'm proud of Nivea for walking in and telling her truth. There are many women with the same stoiry so she is not alone. I pray future success to her.
I so appreciate you for speaking on this subject. As I keep revisiting the video about Nievea, what I hear is a woman a mother who has nothing but deep, deep, deep love for her children. However she is extremely overwhelmed. I feel that alot. My children are my my air I breathe but it does overwhelmed you being and doing everything for your children. I never regret my children they are my first real true loves.
My father was a single parent raising two kids on his own (with the help of his mother) and he received so much crap for getting custody of his own children. He was told that he could just, "put them up on the state". That was back in 1972 when being a good dad was considered optional.
GIRL.....😳 this broke my heart
i love THIS Kim. I'm 41 and JUST met my father less than a year ago. I used to be so mad at my mom's failures in mothering but now as a whole grown woman, I realize she was the parent who stayed so I can't stay mad at her for her effort. Anyway, yes, chile! Continue to do the work of the Lord.
“It hurts to see her hurting” very well said!
The comments for this video really hurt my heart... Nivea was my favorite. I still play "Complicated" at least once a week.
Girl me too...her music was all the rage among the girls at my high school back in the day
This industry (hell life) will chew you up and spit you out. This is why I'm one and done. I don't have the support to be the kind of mother more than one child would need/deserve.
I cried during that clip... I feel her! I give my all to my son... stressed, tired, cranky. I push that to the side to crack a smile and try my best to be positive. It's hard, but my determination to ensure that he feels supported in all areas pushes through! And my career is on hold until I get to a place where I feel no guilt. Noncustodial parents don't understand the WORK that goes into raising these people. I wish I could just chunk some change and pursue my life goals. Tuh!
I cried so hard when I watched this documentary on Nivea. I felt her pain and just wanted to hug her
can you stress the fact that she was married to dream and had 3 kids with him
I saw her interview and as a product of a single mother, I found myself really touched by her story. In a way she reminds me of my mom. Parenting is a really tough job and I’ve realized this more and more as I’ve gotten older. It takes a lot of strength and resilience to decide that you’re not going to ask for any help from anybody when raising kids. She chose her kids over her career. It probably wasn’t even a choice as much as it was a responsibility, something she had to do because she wasn’t going to let her kids suffer. That is extremely significant. Children don’t ask to be here. But when you bring them into this world you have to nurture them. You have to rearrange your life for them.
I really hate that the fathers haven’t helped her. I don’t care how much money they have, if you’re not there for your family you’re a Deadbeat in my book.
It's just like how some people were actually upset with Denzel Washington's son for praising his mother and pointing out that she put aside her own dreams to support Denzel and to be a good mother to her children. There's this pervasive expectation that women are designed to pick up all slack and, in a sense, to suffer more than men. And a woman who doesn't happily suffer or doesn't suffer enough for motherhood is seen as kind of unfavorable and bad. It's nuts. I think the Abrahamic religions are the main influences to blame.
I watch the Nivea interview and it broke my heart. I could tell that she wanted to live out her dream and that she had to put that aside and raise her children. A real man is there for his children. A real man teaches his children and support his children. It takes TWO people to raise children not just ONE! Good video
I had a child in my mid twenties, discovered my child had autism, I stopped working . Its been 7 years. The father sees him one time in a year gives us minimun amount . I feel for her in a way. I am struggling to go back to school to get a better job but with the idea that I will see my son during the weekend gives such stress.
Moral of the story: Be INCREDIBLY careful with your womb and who you decide to have children with.
Man that really is one of my biggest fears of with having kids. I do NOT want to be attached to a man through a child for the rest of my life smh.
I wish I would've realized this when I was younger. But when you're young & dumb & starving for "love" .....the rest is history 🤦
Shoot I learned this lesson....I have one son and don't want anymore because of this...people ask me U WANT ANYMORE KIDS? I'm like...UH NO....IM NOT MARRIED AND IM NOT GOING THRU WHAT I WENT THRU WIT MY SONS FATHER.....EVER!
@@lovinmycurvescurls3842 yasssss SAY IT AGAIN FOR THE PPL IN THE BACK GIRL! When you know better you do better
People kill me with this comment... it’s one thing to have a child with a loser that has multiple children all around and it’s another to marry the love of your life who doesn’t show up after marriage & children. Sometimes you don’t know what you have until they change.
I absolutely loved your comment about her struggle being an example of why you don't want children. Society really isn't all the supportive of women with professional ambitions and 9//10 times women are kind of forced into/expected to give up their dreams to be a mother. We have to be the martyrs and its upsetting.
Literally Bobby brown is the only black celebrity dad that was like I loved my kids but I was a crappy parent and they thought I was their playmate. Every black woman don't get what "appears" to be the Beyonce experience we're u get to do both. I say appears because is she really packing blus lunch we don't know. Nivea is showing that otherside of the coin where she wasn't able to just have a baby and bounce back on stage . There are far more niveas in the world than Beyonce's
@Rhonda Ryder even at your best life happens haveing a throng of Nanny's at your disposal is not common place for any one. On average there are more niveas in the world than Beyonce's period . I know regular women who worked built their career married well then had children. They even hired part time Nanny's it makes it easier yes but they still end up tired and worn out because being a good mother is hard if you aren't extremely wealthy
The affection she has for her children is awesome to me. I come from a place where crack kept men and women from being around. She ain't let nothing get in the way. That's love.
It takes a village to raise a child. These days society wants to put it all on the mother
I feel her story. I was a teen mom and attempted college but didn't finish my daughter has a disability and as she got higher in school I had to be around more. Also being single mom no help and growing up myself and providing for us it's hard. My daughter is 21 now in college, no kids, mature, well mannered. I have he chance now to finish school, explore business ideas. I do encourage women to wait if possible. Find yourself, love yourself it makes it easier.
My dad always told me" Luv,,have a baby when you can take care of the baby, always make sure you good" ... if the man gonna be there or not, always be good have something
I love that she had the courage to share how she honestly feel, many single mothers had to choose between work or kids. You cannot be at work early if you're the head of your department and take your kids to school, you either give your time to work or home.
I would be hella surprised if Lil Wayne was a good dad
In the Netflix doc about Quincy Jones, he said he was a terrible father and realized too late that he needed to fix his issues with his children, and establish a relationship, I think this is part of the problem with the music industry is that when you get whatever you want and can work at music and have all kinds of assistants you can get negligent of children and family
I don’t think she resents them. I think that she feels sad that the world isn’t more understanding of mothers trying to make it with children.
I also feel that she says “the fathers can’t show up” because they are famous and can’t go to parent teacher night. That’s just how I understood it.
Love your channel!!!
I thought that this was a lotion commercial gone offensive. Smh. I was wondering why people cared about that thick ass cream so much.
Wow I 100% agree with everything you said. I’m glad that she didn’t abandon her kids though
Shannon Sunshine me too at first 🤦🏾♀️
Yes, this was a sad video to watch. Kudos to Nivea. And yes ForHarriet, having children is HELLA hard.....and my husband is an active partner and father to our 2 children (can't imagine more than two). I definitely do not recommend having kids unless you feel comfortable sacrificing yourself for a bit. And, that is okay. I wish we as a society, especially Black ppl, respected and appreciated more those who willfully decide NOT to procreate.
Both Wayne and Dream are absent fathers but the blk community roll out the red carpet for both dead beats how sad
We still love you Nivea❤️💜❤️She’s still beautiful 🌹
Why don't their daddies care? :(
Even a lot of the dudes with money are bums 😡😠
ima-be-the-one-to-break-it-to-ya
Aaaye! 🎶🎶🎶
Thanks for watching! Support us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/forharriet
I feel like if you wait a little longer in life to have kids with the right partner, I think you’re experience will be a little different or just have one, not four. In that industry it’s hard to manage with kids. I think if should would have stopped at 1 or 2 she could have still did it, but 4 that’s a lot to manage even in corporate.
There's definitely men who show signs from a mile away but honestly you never going to know if he's right for the task until you actually put them through it. That's the sad part
Melissa S Morris that’s not a great observation because you can be a certain age, have the money and think it’s the right partner until they are put to the rest of husband/ father! Life will throw you a Super CurveBall ! # Youcanneverbereadyforlife
well she was married and probably thought The Dream was it..which most married people do. So they decided to have 3 children together. Sad your comment put it all on her
Huge double standards for single mothers and deadbeat dads. I felt bad for nivea but I feel there's a responsibility for women to be careful on who they have children with. Never have kids by a dude who got multiple baby mamas if he ain't a good dad to his older kids or respectful to his baby mamas don't think you aren't any expectations. Ciara (even doe her and future are great now in co-parenting), Nivea and many other women have to deal with the consequences of those situations
I highly doubt Future coparents that much he has loads of other children with other women. Chris Brown coparents, he only has ONE child and a career.
Mimi Locke future does both him and Ciara have publicly settled this and always seen with his kids recently
I'm also going to need the double standard of a guy having multiple babys moms to be dealt with too....
Cause let a woman have more than 1 father of her children..people turn their nose up at her.
But dudes have 15 children with 13 women and yall figure out how it's the womens fault.
Condoms are sold in every convenience store.. and your vasectomy is the best birth control a man can buy... however yall should lobby for a monthly shot or pill yall can take for sperm (birth)control ... cause it shouldn't all be in the hands of women..since yall are half of the equation.
@@laurellmccann6193 I agree 100% I never understood men who got a problem with a single baby mother but don't say shit about their bros having 10 kids
@@Kevin-rg3yc !!!#NowSayThatAgainForThe PeopleIn TheBack#
#MindThatPlank!!
I'm so glad you did this video.
I love my son with every breath in me...but trust me he wasnt planned and I don't want to bring another child in this world that I and thier father didnt plan for
LMAO Yep didn't have a man but don't mess with him 🤣🤣🤣
I think we need to do a better job at discussing the real consequences of having children, especially if they are brought into the world with questionable circumstances. I think we have become too politically correct because if you say children should be raised with two parents some people scream respectability politics, but it is true. And to take it further, children need to be raised in a tribe to be healthy. I am a teacher and I have seen the ramifications of people having children that they weren't ready for or that they couldn't support, financially, emotionally, etc. and it is heartbreaking. Having children needs to be taken much more seriously, especially in the black community.
That interview was the most refreshing I have seen in a while. When she said that she could have went to the tabloids but didn't was very surprising to hear, also it made me think of my dad. While my dad was and is still in my life, my mom did almost everything. From going to parent teaching conferencing, doctor's visit, or staying with us while we are sick, was done from my mom. My mom also worked at a hard job and still did all of that with 4 kids. Being a parent should not be optional for men
This is so sad. It’s a lesson to young ambitious women about using birth control or the risk of choosing to have children with celebrity men.
Or just using for it for plain old everyday guys too, tbh.
I loved this video!!! It touched my heart on top of her interview in itself!!! Thank you!!!
Society ditches mothers because motherhood is not fantasy, it’s not entertaining and it’s not fun. Entertainers have a choice: keep giving us fantasy or give ur children reality. It’s a hard choice. If u hv ur full village, it’s possible.
Ladies. Women in history have fought a great battle to give us the choice to have a child, if and when we want. Protect ur ovaries and eggs like it’s nobody’s business. Because when the wrong guy gets to ur egg, it’s over. Life’s challenges just tripled.
Black men see black women as disposable.
Personally i think this is a fallacy that the American society sells the women here. Motherhood cannot be done alone, you need a village whether that is a romantic partner or extended family.
“I respect them, even if they don’t respect me.” Whew. That’s a shame that you could even state this about the fathers of your children.
she choose her kids over fame...unlike like OTHER celebs. i respect her for that.
Great Video and commentary Nivea was formerly married to Dream and they have three children and then she was formerly engaged to Wayne and they share one child I wish her the best and hope she gets to achieves her ultimate goals and dreams that she has desired so much to do and complete I still love her as a person and enjoy her music and vibe still a fan & supporter can't wait to hear the new album💕💕💘💓
Ummm... if anyone does a documentary about Patti Labelle movie - she could legit play Patti
this is why i have one child, and she 14yrs old, its been a long , long time, i felt that way
She got ruined by men who walked all over her...
OMG, i remember her, soooooo pretty... One of the few black girls i remember seeing on TV❤❤❤
Now back to the video.
Thank you for this Kim. You have no idea how mich this commentary helped me❤. I'd love to tell you my single mom. Can I submit it?
Wow...this was so moving...I think that people looked at her as a gold digger and this shed so much light on this.
she's a beautiful woman all around😍
My heart goes out to her.
She had twins too
This is a beautiful video with beautiful and well thought out commentary.....
Children have a financial and a greater emotional cost. If you don't invest, there are areas of underdevelopment obvious to those who know these people as adults. There are no free passes, just less attention given to some that left emotional debris and decay. It's not right but it's also not a privilege to get encouragement or even dismissal of your destructive and detrimental behavior. People will help you screw your own life up and that's not good, even if it's not applied fairly.
I feel like the only deadbeat dad that I could ever stomach was my friend's dad. He was an alcoholic and he met my friend's mom in a bar and they were in a relationship for a while, and he wasn't ready to commit, so she went off her birth control without telling him, and he felt like he had to be there for this kid so he married her, then she got real abusive, like throwing shit, and they had two kids together, and then he had to divorce her because he couldn't stay and because of his substance issues he couldn't win in the custody battle in court, and he got sober but he was too afraid of my friend's mom to go back so he stayed paying 125% of child support hoping that the kids would be ok. Then when my friend got kicked out, she started living with her dad and he's just now trying to learn how to be a dad, and she's 18, was 17 when she moved in with him, and she didn't really need a dad anymore. Its like that and prison are the only reasons it's acceptable to abandon a kid that you helped make. No. either you give them up for adoption as babies or you be a dad. you in this mess
Poor Rashida she said I love you bye dad DAMN QUINCY
Omg Kim lol, I almost didn’t watch because I knew you would get into why you don’t want kids. I feel for her situation but listen to her conviction. She still loves her children and life is hard because of her dedication to them. I’m so happy to still be married with kids and being abandoned with children is definitely scary, but I wouldn’t allow it to cripple me or change my entire path because of what society supports. I’m still a working and very active mom. I’m
Not invalidating your want to be be a mother, just adding to the dialogue. :-)
Traveler86 Love Right. It's not easy, I would never tell that lie, but I love having children. It's so fulfilling. While I also still make it my business to pursue all my interest outside of parenthood. That said, I have great respect for people who simply don't want children. I rather someone figure that out and acknowledge it opposed to having children mistakenly or haphazardly and end up being a trash parent.
it's so jarring to me hearing these testimonials of absent fathers that get praise from their kids anyways?? my dad was very very involved in my life, he did my hair cooked my meals helped with my homework and had a pretty hood career and got a couple graduate degrees without sacrificing family life, i know it's possible to have because i've lived it but i can't help but think that his devotion is there because he was raised by a single mom and only that made a difference. my dentist, a friend of his, has 4 kids all with different mothers and he's been just as devoted to each of their lives same as my dad, so it's inexcusable really imo to replace parenthood with child support money or whtvr.
She also had a stroke
I love this...♥️♥️♥️
Thanks for posting
Niveas bottom jaw is doing something strange ☕️🐸
She had a stroke a few years back. Probably from stress.
Drugs
I loved this....what you said is the God honest truth...we are collectively failing....in resources, in accountability, in expectation and standards for me, in support, in prevention. I can relate first hand. Women bear the brunt of it all and it shouldn't have to be that way.
Thank you for calling this out.
I think the worst things about the passes we give men is that when men don't know where their kids are and they aren't married to they baby mama, they just assume she has it under control. like the whole thing with Quincy Jones or whoever is rediculus because if a woman, or even a father who's married to their baby mama wouldn't be able to sleep. but he can just let it go because he's not the care giver and so he's not responcible
Amen sister. Amen.
You better speak this truth
I admire Nivea's passion in this, but this pain doesn't represent all single mother experiences. The number of kids your children's father has before you got with him and the number of children you decide to have with this man makes a huge difference.
Quincy lost the mother of his beautiful girls not too long ago.Peggy Lipton who was in an old 60,s series Mod Squad
She raided those girls I believe
This shook my core but when are we going to hold "baby mamas" accountable? Lil Wayne is a walking and talking bad decision and she CHOOSE to breed with him. Lil Wayne is a piece of shit but Nivea made some bad choices too.
I'm still going to buy her new album to support her but come on girl!
Even as a woman I have to speak up for the dads who are there with their jobs and their presence in their children lives who end up getting the same grade at the guy who who wrote a check and phoned in being a Daddy. I’d be pissed 😠
You guys should talk that out because when we 👩🏽🦱👩🏼🦱👩🏻🦰👱🏻♀️👩🏻 say something, it’s called bitching and hysteria.
Edit: We’ll just call this this Pass/Fail parenting. A bear minimum standard.
Also Rashida Jones is Quincy Jones Daughter 🤯
This was painful
I legit thought it was about the company Nivea.
qotd: when i thought i was grown!!!!
The clips about Quincy Jones was very eye-opening.
This black man ACTUALLY said that being able to sleep and marry WHITE WOMEN was LIBERATION.
How pitiful.....liberating to have sexual access to a group of women all while still being oppressed in thousands of other ways.
This msn will never have my respect no matter the music and films he did,thrn lump that up with him being a deadbeat.
Paying the fee financially does not cover all tbe time put in emotionally,physically etc... poor excuse for a man
Is she on Drugs??
Yes.....straight crack sorry.....but the way her mouth is tweaking is a dead giveaway.....
+Wendy Moss , I agree Wendy.
Yup dead giveaway
I was thinking the same thing. Or she recovering.
@@tineal09 She might just still have some of those crackish mannerisms....But she 99% seems to be high in this video....I have seen previous videos of her and she didn't have this kinda of vibe.....just saying......
I agree with what your saying but I don’t think this video had anything to do with being a single mom, (which is something she stated she choose) what you see is a woman battling drug addiction that what’s sad. The take away should be don’t ever do cocaine
There is such a dearth of effective parenting in the black American community that the bar is set really low.
I've heard athletes and rappers quip back at someone calling into question their absenteeism and inadequate parenting that they are good fathers and not deadbeats like their own dads because "at least they financially support their kids". Sigh. They come from backgrounds and families where because the mother was financially doing it on her own, throwing money at your kids once month is to them the only necessary indicator of good parenting 😒
UranusRising Absolutely not true. Stastically, the majority of children I single parent homes are white (remember, there are far more white children than black). Also, per the Washington Post, black men contribute more than any other group when living outside the home). That’s a stereotype that won’t die.
When society tells men that the biological father is replaceable and that it's step daddy season, you get men who don't see the value of fatherhood. When men see no value in something they put no effort into it. I feel bad for the single mothers because 1. Some men barely like their own kids so he wont like another man's kids. 2. If you do find a good father he normally treat his children better than he does yours(human nature) 3. Most childless men aren't trying to be step daddies.
Why don't you ask why 4 things is not always as they seems
I don't want to be that guy to detract from the message of the video...but Nivea looks like she was on some substance in her interview
Single moms are not a mono specific all moms are not good moms all dad's are not bad ijs
Marriage, babies can wait. Every women that does what she did, they always end up regretting not following their dreams is what I have seen in my 30 plus years life
Her mouth is super twisted...like my uncle after his "me time" sessions
Uh... when you have children that tends to happen. She had her chance and she chose her mate. I don't see this as sad this is what real life is life for a hardworking parents. Those checks she gets come from somewhere. A lot of people take the work fathers do for granted work takes a shit ton toll on you trying to provide financially for a family and sometimes you sacrifice the emotional part.
A check alone doesn’t raise a child. All it does is provide you with the materials you need to provide for the child. Money doesn’t magically turn into food, clothes, and shelter. In this case, the mother has to take the time to make these transactions, on top of supporting her children emotionally and physically. I’m pretty sure you’re able to broaden your mind a little more than that, Leo. The point of this video was to open your eyes to see the discrepancies and imbalance of responsibility between men and women when it comes to raising a child, and yet you still managed to come on here and fuel that same broken mentality that society holds on to so dearly.
That might be true for your regular schmegular schmoe but I do not buy that when it comes to these rich dudes. They woulda been doing this kids or not.