My Autistic PB&J Conundrum: The First Time I Unmasked?
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- čas přidán 19. 06. 2024
- In this video I'm sharing a childhood memory that's been lurking under the surface since 3rd grade and now has BIG implications for my life as a late-diagnosed autistic mom.
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You make perfect sense. In school, I always had a problem with writing "too much." There was a revolving door of "you need to shorten this. " I remember not understanding how giving more information was a bad thing, and it was super frustrating. Since I was diagnosed in my late 30's and having an autistic child, I've learned that most people don't care about having so many details. It's actually disheartening for me
yes we love details!!
I relate so much. Always had to make a conscious analysis to form phrases with only the information I think people will care about. But I love specifying things.
PS: ironically, that is great for my job (Software Engineering), computers really need you to detail everything you want it to do.
I'm so with you on this! I always beg for longer videos in CZcams comments! And I absolutely hate it if people refuse to listen to details and then don't understand a topic at alll
We make excellent writers. A career as an author can be very fulfilling. ✌🏾
I've written a few manuals for employers on software use, processes, workflow, etc b/c of my "keen eye for detail." I usually wind up training.😒
I had an assignment like this in a writing class at age 19 - but it was “describe this potted plant in great detail, with no metaphors.” My text was 4 times longer than anyone else’s 🤷🏼♀️
I was basically told “This is the most boring thing I’ve ever read. Great job!” 😂
LOL
hahha i love this thanks for sharing
My husband always tells me to get to the point. I include every detail. I’m the go to person at work for creating instructional PDFs for new employees on how to do something in our systems. It’s good for something!
saw an autistic meme... it said "Tell a short and to-the-point story or draw 25 Uno cards" and it was a picture of a guy holding 25 uno cards. haha
@@MomontheSpectrumhaha I just saw that meme too! Extremely relatable. It was often growing up where I would be telling a story and my dad would be like “come onnn! Get to the end already, you’re adding too much.” And I’d be like “what? How are you supposed to understand the whole story if I don’t give every little detail?” I felt like I HAD to- to be understood and get the whole point across. I was always worried I wouldn’t be understood and THATS why they would be bored of me and not want to listen, not because I’ve been telling a story all throughout dinner and not letting anyone else get a word in lol. I still have no idea how to shorten a story!
It's great for technical writing or grant-writing. I was a grant-writer before I retired.
Same here, drives my husband nuts that I have to explain everything before I "get to the point."
My story won't be as entertaining if I don't explain everything first! It makes me not even want to tell him stories lol
@@user-gt8xg3fk4e , My son tells me his dreams, but he doesn't tell them in chronological order, so he has to back up and fill in the parts he forgot. Grrr!
School never made sense to me, and I always felt overlooked. Except once, in grade 1, I stopped to pick up a dead bird from the street and when the teacher asked me why I was late, I presented her with the beautifully coloured bird. She dropped everything, taught the class a whole lesson about winter birds and I felt heard and seen❤we were lifelong friends after that.
How wonderful!
I suspect I may have autism and maybe ADHD as well as I related to both in different ways but autism seems more probable to me. Either way my point goes back to what you were saying about school. I, myself was homeschooled by my mom for most of my school years. I did go to high school for a couple months but couldn't handle it, got so stressed out even the thought or sight of the school made me so sick I would almost throw up. I am so glad that my mom home schooled me as I thrived being homeschooled and I would have suffered and sruggled so much at a regular school.
My PB&J Story (autistic food rituals): As a 20 year old I had a summer job at a resort hotel, and in the employee cafeteria they would provide food, but there was a "self serve" area. One day I grabbed several slices of bread, and some peanut butter, and I sat at a lunch table in this loud room with my coworkers and started making a PB&J sandwich. Suddenly, the people next to me stopped talking, and they were staring at me making this sandwich. One guy said, "Wow, you don't miss a spot." Apparently I filled ever corner of the bread with peanut butter, and then smoothed it out so it was "level." So I asked, "Doesn't everyone make PB&J like this?" (which got a friendly laugh) . . . Years later, when I was asked about "signs of autism in childhood," I realized I had a lot of strange rituals, like cutting a Snickers bar into slices like a loaf of bread (which is a lot of fun if you haven't tried it) :)
this made me lol!! haha thanks for your comment. I bet that was a LEGIT PB&J!! 😎
Wait - it’s not normal to slice your candy bars? 😂
That’s exactly how I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! It has to cover the bread completely, and so does the jelly…. I also used to cut bananas in half and eat them with a spoon. 😂
I made sure the syrup rolled to every corner of the slice of bread, as well as diagonally across the slice, without spilling any of it into the trash can 🙃🤷🏽♀️.
I do this too, with any type of layered food! Defending why I do it led me to realize that, for me, it’s a very sensory thing. I enjoy the visual balance of the layers filling the space. But even more importantly, I’m creating a consistent flavor balance! If the layers are even, each bite will taste and feel like the last, no unexpected mouthfuls where the PB is too sticky or the jelly too sweet. You should see the care I take in layering a lasagna! 😅
Oh my god... this just gave me my own epiphany. One of my strongest skills is as a writer and I often say that I communicate much more effectively in writing (because it's true). And the reason is because when I write I get to express myself the way I want to, AND THEN, I go back and edit it to make it more palatable to other people. I often struggle to express myself eloquently when I'm face to face, unless it's something I've talked about a hundred times, because I'm simultaneously trying to translate my thoughts into plain, digestible English. I do this less when I'm with close friends and family - but sometimes I can see their impatience and annoyance and it causes me to shut down. -- I had to stop your video to get this out. Going to go finish it now. ;)
yes!! so glad you took the time to *write* this out :) i love written communication as well. makes me feel more in control of my thoughts
Big SAME!
Yes! No interruptions, edits possible. But, it's so annoying when corrections/additions come up, after delivery. All the should haves and could haves.
No, not going to edit, it could have been...but, it is understandable wording even though it could have been better.
@@bokusimondesu Haha, true! But that happens in conversation too. I've definitely replayed the same convos over and over in my mind long after they happened.
I just finished working on some “craft a month” instructions for my granddaughter who is in 4th grade. My instructions are on point 🤣🤣 Many of us should probably be technical writers!
I had a friend I met in an adhd therapy group who is a technical writer! This video & comments quickly brought him to mind!
“Vocabulary is everything.” That’s a great summary of the autistic difference, if slightly imprecise. It’s not just putting words to our experience. It’s that our personalities thrive specifically on putting words to our experience. We instinctively intellectualize things and get embarrassed when we realize other people don’t.
"I didn't finish the assignment, I ended up taking way to much time and she had to stop me" really resonated with me! Specifically an assignment in first grade to "draw something that made you scared." I drew my dad getting up on a ladder to cut down a tree branch, and I got maybe part of the tree trunk done. But I think there were countless examples of this.
I recently had an experience like this while reminiscing about my recently passed grandma when I realized that one of pleasant memories from early childhood was of getting a little bucket of raisins after school and going and sitting alone in a dark quiet cupboard for long periods of time. For the first time this memory had context! I was probably overloaded from the day and found comfort in the sensory deprivation and I love that my grandma never made me feel weird for it!
I remember that I liked to hide inside a wardrobe, closed doors, with the entire weight of the clothes on me. It was a physically demanding position, in a very narrow space, but there was something about it that I liked
I also just a few months ago had a flashback of repeatedly going to a dark cupboard to sit when I was a kid! I think there's even a photo of me (obviously after opening the door). And I also thought that wow, this must have been a way for me to do sensory deprivation. And the funny thing is that as an adult I'm claustrophobic and also kind of afraid of the dark, so I wouldn't like to do that (though then again, I do sleep with earplugs and an eye mask so...).
I always had to make sure that my bread was "book matched" or oriented the same for the sandwich as it was in the bag, and ABSOLUTELY do not "shuffle" the bread slices so that the wrong two pieces end up in the sandwich!!!
of course, because that's what normal people do lol!! i get it any other way is concerning
A girl I knew told me her husband brought his lunch sandwiches home from work because she cut them in rectangular halves instead of triangles.
Well yeah, you want the bread to match up so the filling doesn't fall out/get all over your fingers.
Absolutely!!
Totally normal
My parents and teachers talked a lot about how detail-oriented I was, but this was the early 90's and Asperger's Syndrome (as it was called then) wasn't really being looked for in girls. Instead I was labelled as "gifted" and no one around me ever suggested that my way of thinking and communicating might also come with some struggles. Needless to say, as I grew up, I was in for a very rude awakening...
Relatable lol
I recently got reminded of my difficulties with collaborative imaginative play as a child. And the problem was that I had a high need for consistent worldbuilding, which they just...did not. I was like: "Wait, I thought we were playing 'Nancy Drew on a pirate ship'. I can suspend disbelief for that, but WHY ARE THERE FAIRIES NOW? Make up your mind!!"
Similarly, I could not stand that game where you write a story by each person adding a sentence, because A) Based on the first sentence, I generally quickly had an idea of where I wanted it to go, and then it would change, and B) most kids played by adding sentences to make the story weirder an less coherent, because they found that funny. (Oddly, I LIKE nonsensical AI generated stuff. But I think I find THAT fun because computers are supposed to be 'logical', and this is the algorithm messing up...not humans being nonsensical on purpose.)
I thought maybe I was over this, because I do more collaborative stuff at work and its fine. But then I was at a meeting where they did a variant of the "add a sentence thing" as an icebreaker, and - nope! Still hate it!
hahaha oh my gosh the game where everyone adds a sentence. YOU NAILED IT. I HATE that game. haha thanks for sharing
So uncanny that you guys hate this, I run workshops and games and from time to time will use this game as a tool to illustrate the importance of clear writing, and sameness in voice, style and depth! 🤪🤪🤪
Funny, in Finland we instead usually have a version of the game where you add only one _word_ at a time, and I absolutely loved that as a kid. But I think the dynamic of the game is quite different when adding only one word vs. a whole sentence. Maybe I would hate the one sentence version, too - who knows :P
I am late diagnosed (at 39) but I honestly don't know if I'm really a "high masker" or not...because there's a lot of stuff I just never stopped doing "weird".
Relating to this specificity thing, there was an incident last year where someone got a little peeved with me for citing back what they'd told me to do in a prior email because they thought it seemed confrontational, and I was like: "Not my intention. We just ended up on the wrong page even after a 'that is correct' message, and I'm just trying to figure out HOW." (And the "how" was...nowhere in those earlier emails regarding whether prospective students would get individualized schedules did it say "only if YOU send them". The person who wrote it just assumed that that was implied, when it REALLY wasn't!).
On the flip side, I write very detailed instructions for things...and then get confused when people don't read and follow them!
This! Yes!
😂 Oh man. We did this exact assignment back in my English class in 5th grade (I had the most silly teacher Mrs. N who acted out the other kids’ “bad” instructions to HILARIOUS effect, I really wish she was still teaching because she was amazing…) and I felt the SAME way. It was like I said, “hold my beer” and went crazy with the instructions. 😜 And big shock, my paper was the only one that gave her enough detail necessary to make a decent-looking sandwich! It was an unforgettable experiment for me too. I can totally understand how you have related that to the autistic experience. 😊
Mrs. N sounds amazing!!
@@MomontheSpectrum she was incredible. I honestly forgot a lot about my childhood (trauma and ADHD can do that I think?) but I remember so many great times in her classroom. And learned a lot… I did eventually end up getting a BA in English, some 15 years later, so I guess that’s saying something… 😄
Oh my gosh, I remember a very similar instance from specifically 3rd grade. We were supposed to make a presentation and teach the class something, and I got so excited because I was really into learning languages so I decided I was going to teach everyone to count to 100 in Spanish. (Something I had decided to teach myself in 2nd grade.)
I remember that I started out so excited and proud to share with the class, and then halfway through presenting, I realized that my classmates were growing *so* bored and overwhelmed by my ambition, and my excitement and pride turned into shame. My teacher was into it, fortunately (lol), but I remember thinking at the end that I would need to tone down my presentations in the future if I wanted my peers to like me.
Thanks for sharing this! It's so interesting how these little memories can carry so much information about our lives.
oh wow what an interesting memory!! thank you for sharing. I would've totally been into that!! Something with a pattern in an interesting language... totally would've listened to you :)
That feeling when u realise that whoever you’re speaking to isn’t into your special interest is the worst! I love finding patterns and using them to commit stuff to memory
Ah, that same thing happened to me in high school! We were forced to take a public speaking class as a graduation requirement, and one of our assignments was to teach something to the class. I decided to do one of my special interests at the time, unit origami. I wrote super detailed directions. But then I got frustrated when half of the class were not following the directions as given, and the other half had stopped listening or trying entirely. But at least the teacher still have me a good grade. 😅
I made a special diorama about light refracting through prisms when I was in grade 2 because I was bored with the work. I had moved back from another country halfway through that school year so they put me in a parallel class the next year (just a regular class, not the 'extension' class for intense children) despite the random self assignments. I ended up asking to sing Silent Night in front of my class, because I needed some kind a challenge, and becoming a bit of a bully with my BFF because I had absolutely nothing else to do and didn't yet know better.
They put me back in the extension class the next year and I became the bullied one. At least I learned not to do that anymore.
Yes, I have my own PB&J moment that I have thought about my whole life, but it didn't make sense to me until after I was diagnosed at 37!! In the 6th grade, I put on a friend's big floofy skirt and started twirling, and I didn't stop for like 10 minutes! She was so supportive and encouraging, and even started saying back to me what I was repeating, "Twee! Twee! Twee!" as I spun and flapped my hands.
It's a beautiful memory that makes me feel like myself, and I'm so happy for my child-self that I had that one moment in time to be completely unmasked and also loved ❤
aww thanks for sharing this memory!!
First, I want to thank you for your amazing content, each episode has a “oh someone else knows that feeling” moment for me. This video is amazing because I never realized that the PB+J problem was used in all sorts of classroom contexts. My PB+J story defined the rest of my life, and I always thought it was a quirky thing others wouldn’t have experienced.
My PB+J story was in my first computer programming class in 9th grade. I had been obsessed with and writing computer programs since 2nd grade and this was my first time in an educational setting. The very first assignment was to write the instructions for an alien to make a PB+J sandwich, and like you, I wrote a manifesto. My instructions were at least 4 times as long as everyone else. In the 1990’s computer programming didn’t really attract a broad audience and I realized what I could do was really different and valuable. Finally finding a subject I was uniquely good at instead of constantly struggling led me to become more invested, and later build my whole career around being good at PB+J instructions through giving instructions (programming) to aliens (computers).
Thirty years later I still tell people about how useful it is to be good at explaining how to make PB+J to an alien!
I love hearing other people's "aha" moments in their lives! I remember I was an angel in the nativity at the church we went to. I kept going off stage to my mom in the audience and back on. My mom said I was like a jack in a box, and I was teased a little about it. I realize now I was overwhelmed by the lights and the eyes on me, so I would get away but kept going back up onstage because I knew the expectation was for me to complete the play. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us!
oh wow whitney! yes these are the kinds of experiences i'm talking about!! thanks for sharing yours 🤗
I can remember once, a long time ago, another girl in my grade four class expressed an interest in hearing about my ballet class (I took ballet lessons from about age 5 till age 13), which I know now was a special interest of mine back then. So the next day, I brought the booklet I had outlining the entire ballet curriculum I was leaning and approached her, prepared to show her the book and talk long and eloquently about every ballet pose and step outlined in it. And it was going to be so much fun. But then, when the time came for this wonderful conversation to take place, I just got to saying "This is the port-de-bras" when the girl interrupted me. I attended a French immersion class, and the French verb "porter" has two meanings: to carry (as was meant in this context -- carrying of arms in ballet) and to wear. So all this girl did was make a joke, "Port-de-bras? Do you port a bra?" (Do you wear a bra) and she laughed and walked away. In grade four, bras were funny. I was left standing there holding the booklet and wondering why she'd left. Was she interested in ballet or not? If not, why did she say she was interested yesterday? I was actually very hurt and I never became friends with that girl. Not sure if that's the same as what we're talking about here. It's one of those things where the term autistic special interest helps make sense of the whole thing.
Hi SueAnne, your approach to this sounds like something I would do, especially when I was younger as well. If someone expresses an interest in learning something, I will get excited about helping them learn it, only to find maybe they weren't really serious about it? or don't want to learn as in-depth as i do? anyways it can be disheartening, and I can only imagine little SueAnne in this situation...
@@MomontheSpectrum 😊
Your pb & j conundrum resonates with me. Growing up I would get chastised at home for talking too much, too slowly, and not getting immediately to the point. I think it was considered selfish to demand more attention than other people (especially those older and smarter than me) needed. So I learned to only talk in short, broad, agreeable statements, and if possible, be funny (maybe because people seemed less put out for listening and would be more likely to approve). As a result, I don't know how to fully express my thoughts and defend them. I've always been much, much stronger in writing since I can collect and refine my thoughts. I am frustrated when people leave out steps that most people seem comfortable skipping.
I remember a health visitor commenting on how detailed and specific my instructions were to my older child. I thought it was an odd thing to say at the time but now post diagnosis of all my boys and me it just makes perfect sense...😂
haha this is great!
My PB&J story: when I was in high school, a teacher of mine was trying to illustrate why clear communication was important. In a two part illustration, two people would sit back-to-back with the same collection of Lego pieces. Person A would design a random model and then instruct Person B how to replicate the design (without seeing the actual model). During the first part, Person A and B could communicate back and forth, but in the second part, only Person A was allowed to speak.
It really flustered my teacher when the first group had vastly different models, but the second group with autistic me as Person A had identical models 😁
I'm currently on a "am I autistic?" journey with my therapist, but I used to use the pb&j directions exercise when I taught programming to kids way back when. I came at it with the basic idea that in order to "communicate" with the Lego robot (that's what we were programming), we had to make our communication more and more specific until we were speaking the language of the robot.
It's still one of my favorite exercises! I think the experience you had might be one of the reasons why programming often is pretty stacked with autistic people.
interesting!! thanks for sharing
PS. "Walls coming down" is exactly how I felt in grad school. And now that I am finally diagnosed as of last April, it feels like those walls are just collapsing around me. I feel so much lighter and like I can actually move. Thanks again
you're welcome! so glad you are feeling lighter. That feeling is worth so much!
You explained what I'll call "autistic repression" perfectly. Your story of being released from it is heartwarming 🤗. I didn't realize that this is what I've been feeling until now. Thank you for putting it into words 🥰.
You make 100% sense. And now my brain is going off on two tracks at once (which it can because it’s autistic!) and they’re really the same track and all of it is one big lightbulb:
1) Allistics think we don’t see the big picture because we get lost in the details. But THEY are the ones who get lost when faced with the amount of details that actually make up everything around us. We aren’t lost. We’re immersed. We do see the big picture - and we see it through the complex web of details that it is made up of.
They think we don’t see the whole when we present the details - because they can only see one or the other while we are constantly seeing both.
2) When we see and know and feel and constantly, consciously process every step of every thing we do - of course we can do fewer things before overwhelm hits! And of course we struggle! And of course we can do the super complicated things with comparative ease because we are used to everything being complicated!
PREACH!! Love how you put these ideas into words. YES
"nested thoughts", where each level is exponentially more complex and broader. I had an "aha" moment a few years ago with this, reading the work of Gregory Bateson (somewhere I read his narration on a LSD exp: his partner - another academic - ends up upset because Bateson "was thinking too much" and ruined the experience. The guy obviously experienced the same bodily effects (the trees) as his colleague, but at the same time, his head was still intellectualizing all the thing (the forest) . In simple terms, he "did not turn off" his reason while his body was having a "mystical experience." (I have no idea if Bateson was neurodivergent or not, but from everything I have read in his books, many of his experiences with groups ("what is he talking about?"), with people, resonate quite a bit with neurodivergences
Hi Taylor, this is a perfect example of how our brains typically work and how we have to filter that for other people who don't think as detailed and step by step like we do. It's exhausting having to filter our speech for everyone else around us!
I can't think of any one particular past experience but I will say that after being diagnosed with Autism 3 years ago I have had a plethora of memories of experiences that have come forward that now make a lot more sense in the context of being autistic. It's pretty crazy.
On another fun note, in my first college Education class we were talking about Pedagogy and had to do this exact same PB&J instructional thought experiment. It definitely revealed that some people need more step by step, down to every detail, explanation for a process while others are able to do it with very few steps. It just goes to show how brains are wired differently. It's unfortunate that most people just don't understand.
As a child, I never had that moment where I recall having been masking and then being explicitly allowed to unmask. I've always been extremely verbose, much to the annoyance of most who read anything I write. And I've always been told it needs to be shortened and made simpler to read. And when others edit my material to make it shorter and simpler, I can clearly see the benefit. But even now, I am mostly unable to edit my own material to achieve that same effect.
My sixth grade book report project was on Isaac Asimov's Foundation Trilogy, and I couldn't understand why no one else liked it as much as I did. At the time, I had a college level reading score. However, my grandfather sold World Book Encyclopedias, and he always made sure we had a current copy. I frequently found myself reading an entire book of the encyclopedia cover to cover, for hours and hours at a time.
Until I met the woman who became my wife, I had never met a female who had read the entire Silmarillion, cover to cover. Not only all of the Lord of the Rings books and The Hobbit, but also The Silmarillion. I knew very few guys who had read the whole book, much less any women. That was one of the first things that endeared her to me, early in our relationship. She was really the first person who was happy to let me be me. And she's still the smartest and kindest person I've ever met.
So, my unmasking has come later in my life. But at least now I understand it for what it is, and I have over fifty years of practice that I can fall back on, when I need to re-mask for all the neurotypicals I have to deal with in this life.
My findings as an adult Autism funny. Native language, Spanish; English learned at school and German in College. My joy is to speak mixing them all as I speak. I thought that was not appropriate and wrong until I met someone that had the same mixed language. It was so funnny and liberating and thanks to you I realized it is my own language and what if it is inferior. It was like wonderful experience as I found a woman who studied Spanish and her father was German and it was glorious.
That is not at all inferior! If you go somewhere like Panama (where I’m from originally) you’ll find that many people speak Spanglish because of the colonization of the country by the U.S. I also love the looks on people’s faces when I, a Black Hispanic person who is not obviously Hispanic, am speaking to someone in English while they speak Spanish and we both fully understand each other.
I do it, too. And my husband is the only one who gets it. It is our own language...😅
Not exactly the same thing but I do remember the class quiz that made me realise I don't see the world the same way. The question: list as many things as you can that use electricity. Other classmates wrote 5-10 items. I wrote 40+ items. Teacher stopped me reading my list before completion. Classmates looked at me like I was an alien or something.
haha amazing
I think this definitely shows how important it is for Autistic people to set proper boundries (and actually know how to do so) at work, without just being a chess piece moved across the table because you "wont complain" when being taken advantage of.
I think for some of us it can be difficult to know where those boundaries are and what's important, it's something you learn over time because we can be very easygoing and even be fine with things that might bother others, but when we hit those boundary points there's often no warning internally. It's suddenly everything is VERY not ok. It's nice to be older now and have a better sense of what those boundaries are/should be, and how to speak up about them before it becomes an issue.
yes definitely @@CT-ho6si
This is what happened when i started to study OT. Part of OT is activity analysis and what you were writing as a kid about how to make a P+J was an example of activity analysis only in OT activity analysis also takes into account the environment, the person, their context their physicality their psychology, culture, all the skills needed its incredibly finely tuned and taking it all into account - we started with analysing making a cup of tea! I thought, this is how my mind works ALL the time and other people in my class were really over whelmed by the level of detail required. xxx
love to hear this!! thanks for sharing
Hi! This is kind of a tangent response, but I wanted to say how much I appreciate the work you do as an OT! 🌼 As an autistic person with moderate hypermobility, I’ve been in PT a number of times for joint injuries. Sometimes the recovery is straightforward. But recently I had multiple issues (that I believed were interconnected) with no identified cause of injury. My PT session failed, as they worked on a singular body part first, which only exacerbated the problem. So I tried OT for the first time, and she listened and responded to my own insights and analysis, added much more of her own, and was incredibly helpful and supportive!!! I also suspect she was neurodivergent too😊
Anyway, I’m glad you found a career that uses your talents so well, and on behalf of everyone you help, Thank You!💐
People have told me since I was little…spit it out, get to the point, is this gonna be a long story. I’ve carried that shame…and am now 49 years old. Ty for opening my eyes Taylor…SHAME ON THEM!
This explains why I can’t communicate with my husband…of 20 years. I literally stumble over my words when I try to talk to him. I literally stammer, and feel extreme anxiety around trying to just talk. I’ve decided to quit trying to get that fish to climb a tree. Radical acceptance is what it gives me to identify these very things and release them. I didn’t have the key to do that until now. Thank you!!!!!!!
I know this wasn't the point of the video, but all I kept thinking was, you were meant to be a teacher. And here you are, fulfilling that destiny.
I remember being super frustrated during natural science class where they wouldn't explain everything (and I mean EVERYTHING), they'd just cop out to say stuff like "the mitohondria is the powerhouse of the cell". I've always had this insatiable need to understand and comprehend to the deepest level, and it's held me back a lot.
This is soooo relatable. And why I am succeeding in neuroscience. I have the ability to describe my research processes in detail to make it replicable
LOL "the permission to write how my brain works" OMG!!! Yes. I had a similar moment as a kid.
I used to hate writing/English/literature classes because so much emphasis was put on fiction and creative writing. It was my 12th grade English teacher that gave me permission to write the way I wanted to which is rather mechanical. My way isn't the greatest way to write creatively but technically correct. I treated all my essay assignments like parts to a car. All my essays read the same way but just on different topics and subtopics. I have always approached writing/typing/charting this way and since then. It was a very freeing experience to be told I could write the way I wanted to instead of being told the way I HAD to write. At one point in my life I was making a living writing specifications for software applications. I don't program but I got to write very SPECIFIC details of how software needed to function for the end user. It was a job MADE for me. Thanks Taylor.
Side note. Your weekly classes are a saving grace in a world that is all too often one of confusion and irritation. Your all time fan, Sam (diagnosed AuDHD at 52)
I love and appreciate that you told this story!!! I was diagnosed (autism and ADHD) 3 years ago at 51, and I’m still working out what unmasking means in my world. I’d never considered that this type of structured communication was masking for me. Although, as I continue to remove masking layers, I do notice my speech is more rambling, includes more details, and I don’t focus on using eloquent speaking vocabulary anymore- I’ll take a lot of shortcuts with fun made up words and slang (“the thingamadoodle”, “it’s glitchy”, “Imma gonna go”, etc). People notice, and I can sense some of them underestimating my intellect, but I’m so tired of masking so hard to always “prove” my intelligence.
I was identified as “gifted” at 7, and my precocious speech patterns back then were praised. As we “grow up”, more filtering and focus was expected, so I constantly mentally rehearsed, almost automatically, just before speaking. It was exhausting… I didn’t realize how much, until I realized how much less anxious I was when I learned to speak more naturally. I’m still learning and rediscovering, like it’s an archeological dig, what my natural autistic self is most comfortable with.
Very late diagnosed asd dad here. Taylor, I'm jealous that you got to enjoy that "aha" moment. It's a wonderful thing, to realize your uniqueness at such a young age. I enjoy your videos, thanks.
you're welcome! Thanks for your comment
Yes to having repeating memories. Still waiting for the epiphany from them. Thank you for sharing yours! I get it! Seeing the two side of yourself-masked and unmasked. So clearly. I appreciate your ability to break these things down for us. I’m 61 and about to step into diagnosis. Talk about “late diagnosed!” It was my two adult kids who are being diagnosed in their late twenties that got me curious about my own diagnosis.
Thank you for creating this channel and for sharing your self in this way for the benefit of us all.
thanks for validating me!! so glad it makes sense, and I hope you get some epiphanies from your lingering memories as well!
I'm with you. I was just diagnosed at 75. Now I'm wondering about my son.
it's a very specific kind of logistical problem solving, my brain will just latch onto it and want to do a proper job on it. There's a reason I enjoy doing stage management for amateur theatre!
Watching this video made me think about how I am very good at taking a very technical subject (I work in IT) and presenting it in a way that your everyday person can understand. I think I can do it so easily because my thinking is very technical and precise (tech speak) and I'm used to communicating what is in my head to a typical brain. So I'm very experienced and used to translating/masking tech speak to regular speak.
In fact, sometimes I will be accidentally talking technical to someone and see their attention go elsewhere as I am talking (I've learned to watch for this). I'll apologize for being so technical and switch to masking mode where I translate to something they can understand.
Maybe a way to think of it is that tech speak is my native, or first language. But I am also fluent in normal speak. 😀
P.S I eat technical documents like they are PB&J sandwiches.
your comment made me lol
don't you hate it when you read a tech document and the writer has left things out? I'll be on step 2 and mumbling "excuse me, you CLEARLY got ahead of yourself here, what are your initial conditions?"
Oh my god I do this constantly. I re write everything that I communicate to people so they don’t think I’m crazy, also I do the reverse when people say things to me I re write what they communicate to me so it fits how I see the world.
this makes so much sense to me you don't even know lol
Taylor, I've been having these kinds of meditations every day since I've been diagnosed, which was just recently, Dec. 7th. There have always been, just like you described, memories that just lived in my head. For some of them, they were times of pain and confusion related to being criticized for my autistic traits (not that anyone knew I was autistic). But some of the memories didn't seem to have any trauma related to them. They were just SO confusing! It was as if, as a child, I was trying so hard to try to figure out what had just happened, and I never did figure it out. But now I see these events in light of my being autistic, and you know, even if they still hurt, at least I understand better WHAT actually happened.
One painful, confusing memory is being on a Girl Scout camp-out, having such a good time out in the woods and thinking that the other girls liked me, but then, when it came time to divide into tents, I was shocked, absolutely shocked that none of the girls would agree to share a tent with me. Like they all said NO. But there were only so many tent spots, SOMEbody was going to be forced to share my tent with me. Then one girl, to be nice, stepped up and said she would, without really looking at me. The troop leader thanked her and seemed relieved. I was so confused as to why anyone would want to avoid me. To make things worse, earlier in the night, some of the older Girl Scouts had (viciously) fed me a pack of lies about how the camp leader's husband was a murderer and had just been let out of prison and would come get girls in their tents (or something like that). I became fixated on the lie (completely believing everything of course) and became terrified as I lay there and tried to sleep. I came out of the tent, and tried to tell my scout leader what the older girls had told me. The leader literally YELLED at me to stop being such a pain and get back in the tent. I hardly slept, lying there shaking, wondering why nobody cared that we were all about to be murdered in our sleep.
That's so very sad. I'm sorry that happened to you.
@@marthamurphy7940 How kind of you. Thank you.
wow this is heartbreaking. i'm so sorry this happened to you. :(
I remember one time in elementary school when none of the girls would sign my yearbook, they all just walked around talking about me but no one would even sign their name in my book. I know it's not as intense as what you mentioned but I do understand this feeling of "wait why don't they want to be around me?"
@@MomontheSpectrum Right! It’s beyond feeling rejected or like you don’t fit in. There’s this extra layer of *confusion* that I think just makes memories like those extra sticky.
When NTs in my past told me I should “let things go” or stop “hanging on” to the pain, then I could only assume that I must be broken, I’m the problem. They would say I was just “pouting” or “trying to get attention” or my favorite, “refusing to forgive” (are you kidding me? I forgive so hard I’m fawning!)
But now I see…they couldn’t understand. And that’s not their fault. They only knew one kind of brain. They thought I was trying to be a pain and making up drama. They didn’t know I had an autistic brain. I can “let go” of many of these memories now, not because I finally “grew up” and “took responsibility for myself,” but because I now know I am autistic. I was a nice, honest, kind, caring little girl who was simply misjudged. I am learning who I am for the first time in my life. And I’m a really great person.
At this moment, I don't recall a PB&J moment for myself, but maybe there IS one, which could be part of the reason why I became a Communication major in college 😊
Will be interested to see if anything comes up for you! Thanks for watching :)
@@MomontheSpectrumwhat else did your teacher say when she read it? How did the students react? What grade did you get? Do you still have that assignment?
I had this as an assignment in a college class my first year called "technical writing" and i didn't like the assignment or the class for that matter because the whole point of that class was to be minimal or "technical" and I tend to blabber unnecessarily 😬😂 the teacher said i was "wordy" haha i take it as a compliment
lol this is a new realization for me - how many of us are also considered "wordy"??
@@MomontheSpectrum i think most of us haha I know I never had any problem hitting word counts on essays
@MomontheSpectrum I've been called wordy my whole life and always told I'm way too specific, but the best was when a junior college professor flipped it into a compliment by saying I was "perspicacious," which I had to look up (it means someone with a keen ability to understand things that are not obvious - which I think many autistic women can relate to!), and have used this $5 word as a description of me ever since!
In school years whenever the person next to me asked about something that the teacher just thought us, I would explain it with a complete different story but very understandable. It was just that I developed my own version of explaining it to myself so I can understand and remember it (learning) but always caused fractions between me and most of my peers. and I absolutely couldn't remember what words did the teacher exactly used (unless I found the word super explanatory and decided to adopt it for myself.
oh wowwww you know something interesting that's just now coming to me???? in church i was always told to memorize scripture word for word, and while I understand the importance of that, it was always easier for me to memorize the essence of the verse in my own words. hmmmm
Yes! In my case, though, it didn’t cause rifts. I was so often the one others turned to when the teacher was unable to explain something in a different way.
I did this same lesson, and remember thinking it was the easiest and most enjoyable task!
I did this same assignment in elementary school!!! I didn’t finish because I took WAY too long. Teacher did the same thing with setting jar of PB on the bread lol. I think of this assignment every so often, sometimes while making PB & J 😅 I was late diagnosed this year at almost 39 and there are so many mini epiphanies that just provide clarity finally. Old childhood memories that I didn’t know how to process or wonder why I reacted the way I did now some of them make sense. Still going through them as I learn.
I love this for so many reasons!! I remember doing this lesson in elementary school as well and I ALWAYS remembered it. I didn't understand that my "weirdness" was autism until I became a special education teacher in my 30s. I taught this lesson to all of my kiddos! Their reactions were fascinating and it was always a hit! ❤ The moment of understanding communication like you're describing, though, came to me when I joined the debate team in high school. I got to listen to someone's entire argument, take 3-5 minutes to plan my counterpoints to every detail of that original argument, present them without interruption, and repeat. THAT was what I couldn't do in real conversation. I was a selective mute through most of school and found my voice in speech and debate competitions.
Glad to have found your channel ❤
I just got diagnosed last Friday. Officially autistic. I'm 48. Watching your videos helped me take the step to do this. Thank you.
Wow. That hit home!
Just being allowed to be one self. And actually getting credit for it.
Unmasking is such a long tedious process. Do I even truly remember what "me" was before I began getting bruises by being me?
I absolutely get what you are talking about here. I don't have a specific time in mind, but decades ago (I'm 44f and realized I'm AuDHD last year) I realized I don't think in a narrative structure. So, I don't experience life as if I'm the main character and these are the things I do and the people I encounter and the stories I have about it. I have LEARNED how to make up stories like that after the fact because that's what small talk is and that's how NT folks communicate, but I experience and think as an observer of my life, not as the main character. And that recognition that that was what I was doing - basically reverse engineering a narrative structure for the benefit of other people - was so clarifying because I spent SO MUCH TIME doing that and trying to explain myself in a way that others received and never feeling seen or known and it's because all of that is masking. Having words for it makes all the difference. Even before I knew I was autistic, just understanding that how I experience things is different and doesn't make me wrong was a game changer.
IM SORRY WHAT
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
I need to process this. You just unlocked a new level for me.
Observer vs. main character. translating into NT main character stories so its more palatable to them... wowwwwww
@MomontheSpectrum right???? This is why "what do you do for fun?" And "tell me about yourself" icebreaker questions feel like torture. I can't!! I learn for fun! I don't know jack about myself but I can tell you volumes about what I've observed, but nobody seems to care about that. I would be very interested if this ever becomes a video on your channel, though
@@evergreenforestwitch , I also learn for fun. I'm extremely curious. I love to study things in depth. I am the main character in my life, but I am trying to learn how to think of my body as part of myself, instead of just something I live in.
Wait, this happened to you too? I did this as well with the PB&J sandwich! I also did one where I had to tell a classmate (pretending they were a robot) how to accomplish tasks using concrete words and not ones that are vague and only make sense to humans. Unlocking this buried memory has been really wonderful! Thank you for sharing this- I’ll never forget my PB&J lesson again!
I wonder if they still do this exercise in schools. I can’t imagine they do because of peanut allergies. Maybe there is a similar one though?
i know there is something called "sunbutter" now that is similar but nut-free... maybe they use this? My kids haven't done this assignment yet...
This comment just reminded me of something my husband said to me he said sometimes it’s like training an alien 😂 omg I’m laughing all over again just thinking about it
In a class I took in college, we were doing a communication exercise. One person in each pair was pretending to be an alien who didn't speak or understand any earth languages. The other person was supposed to teach the alien how to put a jacket on. It was supposed to help us learn the importance of nonverbal communication. Everyone had a very hard time with it. Some people seemed to be struggling because they were too mainstream to be able to choose actions to communicate. There were others (like me) who were struggling for a variety of other reasons.
I'm actually overwhelmed with these types of memories right now. The first few weeks were great. I found lots of good information & support. It's getting to be more stressful now. We didn't know much about autism back then, but that doesn't really explain how I was treated.
I understand that. Many recurring memories are of being slapped down by teachers or just ridiculed. They can be reevaluated but are still painful 😢
Oh wow, you just brought a memory back to me of writing an essay from the perspective of an alien arriving on Earth. I didn't understand why others found it difficult to write. This makes so much sense to me having just watched your video, thank you
you're welcome!!
I completely relate and can understand why it was so profound to you. Thank you so much for sharing this!
I remember a situation from when I was a child and at school too that has always been with me and i never understood why. I've not paid too much attention to it until now.
It was about an assignment to write a story. I think it was something about how to survive if you're by yourself in a forest. I made my story very detailed and logical and brought it to school. I remember my teacher calling me out to see if I'd done it and then made me read the whole thing out loud to the class. And I absolutely loved it! I remember everyone being so bored and me feeling the thrill that they have to sit there and listen to my explanation and logic. I think it took the whole class until the bell.
Not sure why the teacher wanted to spend the whole class letting one kid read their story, maybe she just wanted some time off 😅
haha i love this!! and i can only imagine how detailed you were. sounds like my kind of assignment!
Maybe she thought you had some adult help you?
Hi Taylor,
What you were saying about fine planning makes total sense. The problem with it is if our plans involve other ppl they end up going south as they don't know we get so focused on things...hope that makes sense.
I plan things to death and back,which is okay if it's just me but it's no fun if other ppl are involved as the chances of things going how I plan for them to do so is close to zero.
Hope Xmas goes okay for you. I'm not a massive fan of all the flashing lights and Xmas songs being played at all times of the day but that's just me. Noise cancelling headphones are my best friend atm.
Take care,Rob
yes it always gets complicated when other people are involved 🤪
I 100% understand what you’re talking about! It seems like everyone can read between the lines and they know all the “implied” steps. But for many of us with autism, those steps aren’t implied. We need to go through every single step to get the whole picture at the end. At least that’s how I feel.
You were coming home!! Yes, I have noticed myself having moments like this too since removing myself from some toxic situations. I feel like for me, my brain has the time to work these things out now that it's not trying to figure out the best way to appease someone who is mentally abusive and incredibly irrational. It's funny how the brain just hangs on to stuff, sometimes it's a heavy task to have memories popping in for a visit, but these ones seem to be so rewarding and validating. It's like all the connections in that particular mental loop have been figured out and now it's a solid bit of knowledge that backs up our current and past experiences. I began a new job a couple years ago(which I LOVED and miss- I am currently on long term disability, fingers crossed it gets addressed soon and things get back to normal) and for the first time questions were REALLY REALLY encouraged, and information was abounding. I am a pattern seeker and I LOVE learning. Like it was a DREAM!! Anyway, totally got what you were saying! It's so cool to hear other people having this type of thing happen to them!!
I recognized that fitting in was a skill I could learn more than an actual desire to fit in. It can be useful.
Oh my gosh, this highlights for me so brightly just HOW much I still mask. It's in every text I send and every thought I have for "what other people might want to hear" 😳
in primary school i missunderstood what a teacher said and i ended up telling my mum we each had to bring in somthing to teach the younger childeren in a different class in the school
as my mum recently enrolled me on a short course to learn how to do sugar craft to decorate cakes
she purchased all the stuff for 5/6 kids for me to teach them how to do sugar craft sea ceatures. bare in mind i wasnt that much older than the other children.
i ended up in a news paper because of my miss understanding. im now 35 on the waiting list to be diagnosed with adhd and autism
It's so refreshing when I can unmask! Words cannot explain it. Moreover, when I can unmask & others can accept me!
I remember on year 6 my teacher was talking about how if your parents say you’re beautiful that, that doesn’t count as a parent would always say that about their child. That stuck with me in a bad way and affected my self esteem. Now I’m older and aware of my potential autism I’m looking back on moments like that and trying to rewrite the rules I’ve developed from experiences like that.
As soon as you began to explain this i started laughing. I have a memory from highschool, when my english teacher took us on a fieldtrip from the classroom to the library one day. They asked for us to pick a spot and describe in writing what we "experienced". Everyone dispersed to tables and chairs except me. There was a very tall concrete staircase that led to a mezzanine office. I headed for the ceiling. With a completely different perspective, i could hear the ceiling fans whir and the echos of murmers from below. My classmates looked like little ants, the giant bookcases looked like dollhouse furniture. I remember when i turned in my paper my teacher was shocked at 1. My location choice 2. My perspective 3. The level of detail that i could describe. It was the first time i was allowed to "let the cat out of the bag" for a creative writing assignment. thats when i began learning how to write.
THIS IS EXACTLY THE TYPE OF EXPERIENCE I'M TALKING ABOUT! Thanks for sharing :) sorry for the all caps i got excited
Thank you so much for this presentation, Taylor! Yes, I have had those epiphany moments like you describe. I even remember the same PBJ exercise from Miss Walker when I was in the Third Grade at St. Thomas More! It's amazing how our unconscious minds take care of us, even through seemingly random memories like what you described. Like a dream we keep having, it contains an important message for us and so it keeps floating into our conscious memories until we dance with it and decipher it. A truly great video!
Noticing this is my big profound realization moment. I was nonverbal to anyone but my mom and dad and sister (unless I was upset) until I started pre-k. That's when my forced masking began, that's when I realized that I had to force myself to be what everyone else wants me to be (not that I knew that at the time) and speak back to the people speaking to me if I wanted to feel safe in my environment. I was a rough kid and didn't know it, and when I'd get in trouble for accidentally hurting someone I tried to interact with, I remember being so frustrated because I was doing everything they told me to do, why am I still not getting it right? If they would just leave me alone and stop making me talk to people and actively participate, be a wallflower... maybe I could have thrived. So many adults missed so many signs for me. I still have immense trouble not reverting back to nonverbalism when I'm extremely stressed, which can actually cause problems because of what comes out when I force myself to speak when I feel that way. I will literally schedule days of silence when I've got too much on my plate, but it has been subconsciously until now.
I also write way too much! My first grade class wrote books to send off to be bound, I took my book so seriously that my teacher did pull me aside to ask me about it, never rethought that through until now. Maybe she was seeing something others weren't? 'The Ocean That is My Pond' :') Is it weird to remember things from preschool and first grade so vividly?
It's funny, I've had lots of adult realizations about childhood memories but hearing you talk about this brought up my memory of doing this exact same assignment and my brain completely switching off before we even got to the "teacher pretends to be an alien" portion because writing instructions on how to make a pb&j was just so boring I'm not sure I even really did the first draft and even after we were then supposed to give really precise instructions I just couldn't get over how pointless it was (thank you adhd). As an adult I can look back and see that they always do this exercise with pb&j because it's something almost all 3rd graders know how to do (although as an adult I can't help but think about how there's probably quite a few kids who have never made or eaten one) and so they were confident we would all be able to write instructions for, but because it was something that we all knew and I knew the teacher knew, I not only found the assignment of writing instructions pointless I found the teacher pretending they didn't know how to do it both cheesy and anger-inducing.
Which honestly could pretty much sum up most of school for me, if I was given something to do that felt like it was just pointing out the obvious or really boring I would kind of just not do it, but given even the slightest feeling like I was really doing something I would go into crazy levels of detail and have a lot of fun doing things everyone else found really boring and pointless.
yes we have to know the WHY behind it!!! so important to know that component of any assignment
This reminds me of doing oral book reports in second or third grade. I loved to read, and remembered every word. So I would get up in front of the class and go page by page and conversation by conversation through the book with so much delight. I didn’t understand why everyone got bored and the teacher wanted me to sit down. I can still see the illustration of a horse in pajamas…
Omg!!! I had that experience in 5th grade. I was really good at it too. It felt like for the first time…I TOTALLY understood the instructions and flew with it! But then we had to pretend we were in the kitchen, identify the stove, sink, trash, pantry, and then do it WITH OUR EYES CLOSED!!! My kitchen starting shrinking in on
Me and I couldn’t find my self in space.
yes!! i remember many situations like this. and when i was in my doctoral program i could unleash!! thsnk you for putting words to my experience
so glad it resonates with you! Thanks for watching.
being able to express instructions on a finely-grained level is what makes NDs good user's manual writers.
Another revelation from this video and discussion. I also have ADHD so school was not fun or easy for me. But in the 4th grade we had an assignment for a biographical oral report/presentation (nightmare for me) and I was given Socrates as my topic. I think reading quotes from his teachings was my PB&J moment. Specifically "I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing." - I don't remember how my child mind interpreted that, but it struck something in me that felt validating. Maybe it was the multilevel thinking required, which came so easily to me. I was always digging below the surface of things that most people took at face value. I actually came out of my shell doing that assignment and I remember my teacher applauding me because I was usually very shy and quiet. That was such a positive pivotal life moment that I even named my daughter Sophie years later!😍
Yes! You are spot on! Diagnosed at 58...now turning 60 in a couple weeks. I have LOTS of those subconscious memories I am now finally able to begin to process, see in a new light.
Most have been hanging around to reinforce that I am broken. Now they reinforce my brain works differently...or as my husband says "your not wired like most".
For decades I have been so grateful for those few people in my path that allow me to not need to edit. I see that now as masking or translating to nerotypical. A very high percentage of people tell me to stop being "all Rainman" if I speak like I think!
BTW I had so many red circles on my English papers. "Sentence is too long ", "edit", "too many ands"! LOL
Thanks for sharing!
T
ROFL... Haven't thought about it in years but I definitely did the same exact thing. My instructions to make the PB&J were over 2 pages long. I hadn't ever thought of it in terms of it having been unmasking. Thank you for this.
I have a defiant streak, a big one. You don’t like me ?? You don’t have to !! But I remember watching a group of girls at my high school hanging out together and told myself I would LEARN how to do that and I did. But needing to be liked by people I don’t like was and is never an issue.
You make perfect sense.
Whenever I've been asked to show people how to do things, they've said that I cover everything and explain things simply, without missing anything out. It might take longer, but then there's less mistakes.
i don’t know if this is specific to being autistic, but it does apply to realizing you have to change yourself to be accepted in society. it was either in kindergarten or first grade. my teacher announced we were going to do something that really excited me (i think it was that experiment where you leave a hard boiled egg in coke for a few days and then see what happens) so i started clapping really fast. then everyone turned to stare at me, and i stopped. the teacher tried to make me feel better by saying “no, it’s okay! it is exciting!” but i remember still feeling like a freak and being confused about why i wasn’t “allowed” (socially) to react the way i wanted to. i made a mental note that i would have to be quiet and not draw attention to myself going forward. i think about this memory quite often.
Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. My daughter and I both had some epiphanies together watching this. ❤💚💜❤️💕
I talk about those memories as if they are problems my subconscious is working on. Like every few years something pops up but thru life experience, it now makes sense and it feels like i solved a puzzle ive been working on for years. 😂 I know people would call it an epiphany, but after that final piece, i can see all the steps preceeding. (I think this is why i think of my brain as being separate, theres so much communication Im not privvy to.) ❤
For any fellow nerds out there? I think this is why I excelled in diagramming sentences, writing detailed math proofs, and extremely complex order of operations in calculator competitions for math team (LOL, 80s education.) I wish I'd stuck with math as a college major, I was really good at it and I had all the confidence in the world (even as a girl/female on the scene.) But I went for Psychology because I wanted to understand myself and other people!
Edit: I felt safe and free to shine in those contexts. Opportunities to unmask let us enjoy our strengths, given the right opportunities. For me, it's been harder to find those situations as an adult.
I loved diagramming sentences. It was so satisfying!!!
I remember this exact same assignment - it was given to us as, "pretend you're teaching an alien from another planet how to make a pb&j sandwich". Interesting - I don't quite remember the joy associated with it but I definitely remember the assignment! How fascinating... Now I'll have to think back and see which other assignments/thought experiments stood out like that 🤔
We also had an assignment at school and I was one of the few that wrote a very detailed description. A realisation that I had is that I feel like I can't do the corporate speak at work. I mentioned it to my boss and he said he didn't notice. And I just realized I feel like I'm talking to friends at work and I'm not using the right words is because it doesn't come naturally to me as an autistic person and I have to try really hard
I was given the same PB&J assignment in 4th grade and I remember being so happy and satisfied when my teacher (who I was very intimidated by) read my instructions and made the sandwich correctly 😊
I'm 50 and had this EXACT same experience in Texas schools as a child, but I can recall it was toast not PB&J
I too didn't finish the assignment because I ran out of time.
When I presented the teacher cut me off saying "Good Job, we don't need to hear the whole thing."
"yes but you SAID to be specific!!" haha no fair you got cut off
@@MomontheSpectrum😂 I have an illustrious history of getting cut off by teachers in school.
"I have a whole class to teach"
I remember the pb&j lesson. I've thought on it alot, too. Once I knew what was expected from the assignment I knew it was going to take a REALLY long time to do it properly.
A moment of Literal Thinking.
Kindergarten. Mrs. Wagner introduced us to the One Eyed, One Horned, Flying Purple People Eater, then assigned us each to an art easel to paint a picture of it while the cassette played again. I called her over for help because I needed her to tell me if it was the monster that was purple, or if it was a monster that only ate purple people. She snipped at me for being snarky and walked away. So, I looked at everybody else's easels and copied them.
This reminds me of my job at a tech company (I believe our CEO is autistic) - we had to write an essay on how to make scrambled eggs. It was SO thorough 😂 I got the job.
For me, one thing I have noticed looking back on my life is that I have always questioned everything. I have never began doing something simply because everyone else did, or because I was told that it was what I was supposed to do. When I encounter anything like that, I always have to know why. For instance, I can remember a conversation with a co worker many years ago. She was talking about switching to her fall wardrobe, and putting up her white clothing. When I asked her she was putting up her white clothing, she said it was because you weren't supposed to wear it that time of year. When I asked her why again, she got mad and stormed off. She didn't actually know why, but just did it because it was what she was taught to do. I have always questioned anything like that, and I have numerous interactions like that over the years because I question things that most people don't.
"Am I making any sense " 😂 I use that phrase at least six times a day ❣ Usually after talking about something for twenty minutes or so... 🤣🤣🤣
Every time my parents were away, I would write super detailed little reports of what had happened in the house during their absence (I have 4 siblings, so stuff tended to happen, you know?🙃). It felt so important to me that they knew all the details of i.e. what we had for dinner or if a fight happened and how it was resolved, etc...'cause they were the parents and they needed to know these things, right? 😅 Anyway, we would usually be in bed when they came back home and I couldn't tell them in person the minute they walked through the door (time is of the essence!) and they would always laugh a bit at these notes, which I never understood why they found them amusing. So yes, one of many traits I now have a name for. ❤
there's so many moments in elementary school and middle school that i look back on like "huh. that's why." i remember my teachers either adored me (i'd go above and beyond and they'd love that and praise me for it, saying they wished all their students had my work ethic and drive) or they'd hate me (and think my efforts were 'brown-nosing" or i was being fake). i had teachers rip up tests i'd made 100s on and grew smiley faces on because i was so excited i'd done well. one of the worst things though was in college. we'd been assigned a big project by a very tough professor. this project and he in general were well known among students. it was encouraged to get a head start. my given topic was earth quakes. we had to lecture to the class like we ourselves were the professor. i got started on it MONTHS in advance. i covered the science aspects of course since that was the class. but at the end i stuck in news footage and first account footage from people who were displaced and lost their homes. i thought it was important to show a more human side of things than just data and charts. the class enjoyed it a lot. he glared at me the entire time. finally at the end he said he'd like to see me after class. he pulled me into this little storage closet and berated me. he said it looked as if i'd done it in 10min, that it was "clear" i'd only started the project the week before. he asked what my major was, and i told him education. he said that i'd never be a teacher with that kind of "low effort work." he said my videos i'd attached were "useless" and "a waste of time." i think about that still 10 years later.
I would LOVE a teacher like you. You took their interests into mind when presenting! Sorry you had to deal with that!
that jerk realized how good you were, and resented it.
I love this story! I can totally relate with similar experiences. (I think) I am neurotypical, but I just recently discovered your videos and I believe my husband might have undiagnosed autism. Your and your husbands videos have really opened my eyes and I realized that so many of the things we would fight about, are just his idiosyncrasies and I am on a journey now to reframe my thinking around them and learn to respect and understand them better.
My thing is that I get so fixated on visual details. Like I can just sit for long periods of time, staring at the details in a room. My husband used to think this was funny because he would walk into a room and just see me staring off, not on my phone or watching tv or anything. I just love the organic shapes and angles, and the asymmetry in things. Same with pieces of art, or formations/ landscapes in nature. Or even the details of someone’s face. I love when things are not symmetrical and don’t have predictable patterns. It is like a feast for my eyes haha. Well I was rug shopping recently and I found this collection that was presumably made by the same designer, and all of them had things that were off about them. They weren’t repetitive patterns. That each had a theme to them, but every row was uniquely stitched. Even ones that looked more like rugs that would have patterns, the pattern didn’t occur in every other square, if that makes sense. The pattern skipped random numbers of squares each time, and sometimes there were 2 squares that were filled in a row. I instantly felt like the person who designed these rugs totally got me! I got so excited thinking that this thing that I’ve noticed my whole life but didn’t really have a concept for, was a thing that other people experienced too!
Thanks for sharing!
I don't remember when, I don't remember what, but I remember a moment when I felt proud, and recognized by others, for my worth, for doing something well, and sort of saying "oh, I am allowed to say to myself, hey, you're good at this, you're worthy of admiration and recognition. You can actually feel good about yourself?"
Love lightbulb moments. You've sparked connections about my childhood self reading voraciously, and the pieces are coming together about why I was (and still am) such a bookworm:
Reading was an escape and decompression, the only way to switch off my brain when the world was too much (daily).
Reading was something I had in common with many friends, a safe topic of conversation.
Reading was a form of self-regulation (just realising that).
Reading was a way to study human behaviour and guide my attempts to fit into a social world I didn't understand as a pre-teen, teen and young adult (new realisation, and I'm not sure book series like 'Sweet Valley High' helped much but Baby Sitters Club, Nancy Drew and Trixie Beldon were great).
P.S. GREAT story, well worth watching, but I almost didn't watch this because of a personal issue ... the mere mention of PB&J makes me nauseous. I'm Aussie, I like PB on toast, crunchy and savoury. The idea of soft bread, and mixing sweet with savoury, eww. I can barely write about it without gagging. Synaesthesia anyone?!
so interesting about not wanting to watch bc of the title... but I GET IT!! I HATE PB&JS!!!!! I ate a sandwich with crunchy peanut butter EVERY DAY at lunch in high school. But NEVER add jelly. NEVER. Gross
Whew, I'm so glad!! We can be friends, TSL (tiny silent laugh). @@MomontheSpectrum
@@chuckles9767 I lived on sandwiches as a child, and Vegemite was my favourite ... just not two toppings at once. 😉 I know that I'm gluten-sensitive now, and even gluten free bread inflates my belly like a balloon. Maybe it explains why I felt sick every morning from childhood to mid 30's (I just thought it was anxiety). I miss bread, especially toast.
I can relate to the cognitive struggle you described, too, more so as I get older (I'm 48). What is overcooked beer?
I certainly have those inexplicable memories, particularly if I failed something in some way. I tend to replay it over and over until I determine what caused me to fail, and then I replay it over and over trying to determine why I wasn't able to figure it out then.
Throughout my life I've been told that my writing was detailed and great. As an adult, I am constantly told to get to the point. My husband even makes a rolling hand motion meaning to "get there faster". It used to just be irritating. After listening to this, it makes me really sad that this has been my life for so long that it's normal to live in a box. I have a STRONG suspicion that I have been, measurably, on the spectrum for my entire life and I'm very sad for younger me.
I love that a teacher thought to give this exercise to third graders! I didn’t get this assignment until a year or two into my bachelor’s degree. It was then I realized my brain was made for technical writing. But this was also 10 years before I started to question whether or not I was an Autistic Adult.
I’m glad I’m taking the time to go back through your videos-recent subscriber here!-because I just had a lightbulb moment 😊 People have always told me it’s unusual to hear someone say they love to map and document processes and procedures. I’m using ‘love’ in a very literal sense. I get really excited when someone asks me if I can help with these tasks! I’ve actually volunteered to do them in past jobs. I had already made the connection between being very skilled at mapping and documenting and my autism (also the reason I am great in my chosen field of instructional design), but watching this video made me realize that the reason my journey to self-identifying and living authentically seemed to begin so easily almost 2 years ago was because it actually began 10 years before then (just over 12 years ago) in my first technical communications class with that first group assignment on building a PB&J! That was the first time I can remember being given a school assignment that required (and allowed) me to think naturally.
That event unlocked something in my subconscious, which led me to other courses I would take in future semesters that allowed my brain to just ‘be’… and is one of the first times I can remember feeling authentic and joyful.
I feel so validated. Thank you! ❤