Podcast 265: How to do inner child work to heal trauma + finding the right therapist
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- čas přidán 17. 03. 2021
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SHOW DESCRIPTION: In this podcast I speak with trauma survivor and life coach Nate Postlethwait about recovering from trauma, how to do inner child work to heal childhood trauma, and the cleansing power of grief and finding true, long-term healing.
Read the blog here: drleaf.com/blogs/news/how-to-...
Nate's website: natepost.com
Instagram: @nate_postlethwait
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PODCAST HIGHLIGHTS:
3:08 How understanding the mind-brain connection helped Nate deal with his trauma
7:34 Why Nate became a certified wellness coach
9:40 Nate’s inspiring story
14:00 The cleansing power of grief
17:30 Why there is nothing natural about trauma
22:00 How shame is related to human innocence
24:20 Why trauma and sexuality are two very different things
27:16 How to deal with the grief of lost time
39:20 The danger of conversion therapy
45:08 How to help someone who has experienced trauma
51:32 Why agency is so important when it comes to healing
1:03:00 The power of breath work
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
-Visit my website at drleaf.com for more free resources Follow me on social media for daily mental health tips & strategies:
Instagram: @drcarolineleaf: / drcarolineleaf
-Facebook: Dr. Caroline Leaf: / drleaf
-Twitter: @drcarolineleaf: / drcarolineleaf
-CZcams: / drcarolineleaf
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I was terrorized my whole life. It took me 42 years to escape the control of my family and finally experience freedom. I am relearning myself and growing everyday. Thanks for sharing this message.💜
czcams.com/video/heah_Ncqwps/video.html
I’m currently in the ‘8 year old little boy’ stage of this journey. I fought my way through a childhood of abuse and chronic tragedy to then feel forced to watch my baby sister experience the same pattern because she’s 14 years younger. I became what most would probably call obsessed with rescuing her because I could still remember the day my mom found my unfinished ******* letter, I was 12, and how she reacted with disgust at my weakness and almost annoyed with my procrastination. She was the ‘good’ parent. I always desperately attempted to heal the obvious damage to my heart/mind/soul/body but literally every attempt spanning years was met with the same mantra ‘ There are people all over x that have to deal with y, stop dwelling on the past (aka my entire life) and being a victim is not very becoming, everyone else is fine so it’s kind of like that saying- if you have a problem with everyone you meet- it’s probably you.’ At some point I started to tell myself that exact story. I feel like the girl (Kristen Bell) from the Good Place. Like I was never meant for this place and that’s why everything always hurts whether it’s my physical body or family relationships or personal endeavors...and I’m too tired to scream out or have the 18372th empty talk with family. I’m exhausted on all fronts.
Try the Jerry Wise YT channel.
your mum denied your reality so she always abandoned you and just refused to see you. I hope these words help your realise why it has hurt so much. she is very cold. hugs xo
czcams.com/video/heah_Ncqwps/video.html
Thank you for that interview and so important talk❤️ It exposes very core of the healing. I pray that more and more people in Church will experience this deep healing 🙌🏻❤️❤️❤️
I'm so glad I found you Caroline!
My daughter was bullied as a child. Placed on medication as a teen for depression. As an adult age 36 she's waiting to go to rehab due to addictions.
God is so good. I know now that she needs your type of therapy. Not more mental trauma. Thank you so much. We will be buying your book and learn more about the power of the brain! 🤗👍🏼🙏
45:54 I appreciate this note that not every approach works for everybody and that we are capable of understanding ourselves well enough to say, ‘this doesn’t work for me’ without feeling hopeless, just with an awareness that we should try something else. Thats like David, who had no warrior experience, trying on Saul’s armor and making a confident decision contrary to the suggestion of the experienced people who meant well, to not wear it and defeat Goliath a different way.
czcams.com/video/heah_Ncqwps/video.html
When we are children, the people that abused us had given in to their sexual urges, had they resisted and chose a different identity, this mans life could’ve been very different. I found freedom from my abusers and trauma by establishing an identify in Jesus. So now it is not what I think I should do, or be that can set me free but it is what God says about how I should respond to my urges, struggles, and traumas that will produce an excellent & honorable character + a steadfast mind and devotion to things that are good and from distinguishably from above. I love you and am heartbroken that you have had to endure such evil, there is hope and Jesus introduces us to the source of all hope.
I love the both of you and appreciate your time immensely.
Thank you. I started talking to my younger self recently. This is very encouraging.
Wow! I'm really blown away by this discussion! I learned so much from Nate and felt so much validation just from hearing his story and his journey toward healing. Finding you both at this critical juncture of my life has been a real blessing. Thank you both for the great work you do.
czcams.com/video/heah_Ncqwps/video.html
wow.. wisdom shared. Thank you 🙏🏻
Dr Caroline, thank-you soooo much for this interview. I can see that you really want to help us the audience, but it would have been nice also to hear Nate talk a bit more 🙃❤
I am saying this respectfully, it is her podcast.
@@haifaalthawadi1718 Yes I 100% agree. It's feedback.
I can relate on so many levels
Oh honey you were traumatised by the bad therapy in your 20s and the time wasted but now I'm 55 and finally working on my trauma only because we are being taught how to heal trauma from child sexual abuse
💖💙💚💛🧡💜🖤💖
Excellent
I had to unravel religious ideals in my healing process. I was terrified to do the wrong thing. I'm glad I still have faith. Love covers a multitude of sins. Love heals.
i don't understand exact how to figurate the younger version, but it gives hope to the possibility. To overcome and process the grieve of the traumatic events and the lost of years throug survive
I feel like I am not supposed to deal with my trauma as a child now that I am 55. Programming as a child has me "stuck". I have 2 of your books and keep putting off reading them. Are they on audiobook too?
Switch on your brain and
Cleaning up your mental mess.
czcams.com/video/heah_Ncqwps/video.html
Let him talk
This is so empowering. Thank you Thank you Thank you.
The thing of shame runs so deep.
The religious community unfortunately shames you even more. Where there is supposed to be love eg in Christianity, people who have even had children outside of marriage are still shamed.
I had to leave the church. And decided to be separate from some very damaging belief systems. I still believe in a LOVING GOD and have my personal relationship with Him& Her.
Our inner children DON’T need scolding, chastising, shaming further. We need to be understanding and LOVING to our inner children.
My inner child is still a frightened little girl sometimes. But we have a great relationship.
I can’t totally forgive the person who have hurt me. But I have made peace with my dad. Who has long past away.
We don’t need to forgive ourselves as children. There was NOTHING to forgive.
Pastors are so ill equipped to deal with trauma and it’s effects.
Therapy is a process. Healing takes time. And patience.
We are SURVIVORS. God bless us all. Namaste 🙏🏽
Can you interview Dr Julie Smith she in middle of writing a book...xxx
Hi... can We use our mind to get healed from covid 19? To recover taste and smell?
Dynamic Neural Retraining System
I have read that there is some scent/smell training that can be done to help. There are some very strong scents that over time can help hopefully repair the olfactory sense. Google it. There has been research on it due to this Covid phenomena with loss of taste & smell.
I empathize with this Image bearer of God as someone who has also experienced trauma/ abuse and see the need for a talk about these topics(without profanity preferably). However, this contradicts/misleads believers in Christ on so many levels. I was surprised to hear Dr Leaf contradict herself from previous teachings. Does she still profess to be a Christian? Is she conforming to the patterns of the world? Abba help us🙏🏼
I have wondered if she has a real relationship with Jesus due to her health, wealth, self help gospel speaking engagements. I try to know the difference between judging and discerning. Her book sales seem to be the most important aspect. It seems knowing our identity in Christ and believing it will transform us if we focus on learning what that is. (renew the mind)
@@NarrowGateFriends Yes, renewing the mind as Christ taught us, through His Word, will transform us, is a whole lot different than the techniques she describes, which according to her, rewire the neural pathways in the brain & in turn bring healing in mind & body. Thank God for science, but God is still the ultimate healer. I guess this is perhaps like physician heal thyself. You have all it takes, you just have to do the work, like with anything else.
@ Statuess13 I've wondered the same as of late with Dr. Leaf. Early on what she taught was ok. I am an educator and a brain nerd & liked her early material. However, through the years things have changed with her in terms of techniques which she has refined & which have become more acceptable in the mainstream, & the people she interviews encompass all types of beliefs and therapies of the mind.
She has graced the walls of many big name churches & has linked brain science to God in the past. After all she says we were wired for love. It's how we are made. I think God may differ on that due to the fall of Adam & our sin nature. I know she calls herself a neuroscientist, but she is not. Her early studies were in communication pathology. She received a PhD in communication pathology from the University of South-Africa Pretoria. Neuroscientist is a term she uses to sound impressive, but in the true sense of the word, she does not qualify as a neuroscientist. That is a misnomer & has been debunked by a few.
She talks very fast & spouts her knowledge of the brain almost as if it is above the knowledge that God gives us in His Word, or at the very least, on par with it. She has really morphed into an entrepreneurial self marketing sales force of her products & techniques. Early on she used her church connections in the U.S. as her foot in the door to gain "acceptable" notoriety by making enough reference to God & some scripture to make it plausible in many church circles. I assume she is Christian, but that is a very loose term these days. Early on, everyone was in awe & her name quickly spread & it now sounds like her techniques are capable of healing all kinds of things in mind & body. It really is all about her mind training techniques & she believes our thoughts are capable of changing our DNA...wow...miraculous! I do not know that that is scientifically or medically factual, but it is what she believes.
All of that aside, there was a lot to process in this video. In listening, I just realized she has a gay son. That is difficult as a Christian. I have a brother who is gay & I love him very much. Do I have a lot of questions, yes. This is a necessary conversation, I feel, because conversion therapy has done much damage. I know what my brother has struggled through. He was once saved & loved the Lord, but so much of life happened. He is 56 now & does go to a church of some sort. At some level, they have a sense of God & want that connection, but perhaps on their terms of God, not the Bible.
I do know one thing that homosexuality is NOT the unpardonable sin. I know it is something that has been front & center with Christians, but heterosexual formication is no less of a sin. God hates sin period. We are first & foremost to love people. Does that mean we accept their lifestyle? Not if it is a lifestyle of sin no matter what that may be, because that is what God says in His Word.
Can a homosexual be saved & love Jesus? Salvation is not based on sexuality, but it does require repentance or change of mind. If one thinks this is who they are, how do you repent of that in their minds? I think it is easy for Christians to judge, but it is a complicated issue. Could there be a genetic abnormality that causes one to be attracted to the same sex, or is it a spirit that preys on a vulnerable soul who then believes the lie & follows that lifestyle? Are they born that way? I would love to hear Dr. Leaf's thoughts on this now that she has a son who is homosexual. She may have already shared that & I missed it.
The discussion of childhood trauma was much needed & very informative. It is an often misunderstood thing and well meaning Christians want to help pray it away, or confess it away, or just tell you to read your Bible more, but it requires much more than that. That is why Nate mentioned the different modalities needed to treat it & not all modalities work for everyone.
Trauma is a sensory experience that occurs primarily in the right side of the brain. That is why talk therapy alone doesn't help. Talking is a left brain experience & can't access the sensory trauma in the right brain. Things like music & art therapy are primarily right brained activities & can help to access & process the trauma, as well as equine therapy. None of those things were mentioned, but as a retired elementary school counselor, I had trauma training and understand its effects on the mind & body & the various therapies that help. It is finding what works for the individual.
As Nate mentioned, a big part of trauma therapy involves calming the brain & self-regulation when something triggers the trauma & the body begins to go haywire. It is a normal response to an abnormal & unthinkable event. That is why it is so important to find someone skilled & trained in trauma therapy. I would also mention that as a Christian, some techniques such as hypnotherapy, I would not recommend. I know Dr. Leaf had mentioned hypnotherapy. There are some things that I think can be dangerous spiritually, to open oneself up to. I don't know enough about EMDR to talk about it, but I have heard that it is a useful technique for many who have suffered trauma, especially those who suffer PTSD.
If nothing else, I pray that this video has helped someone to understand trauma & what it takes to heal from it or at least be better able to mange it. As a childhood trauma survivor, I think it is something you learn to manage with the grace of God for the rest of your life. It can be healed in the sense that its effects become less & less in your life & you can learn to embrace the life that God has given you in a much healthier way. Nate has done the work & he is an example that the effects of childhood trauma can be overcome.
@@barbs1298 what do you think would help heal trauma? Why hypnotherapy would be bad?
@@SA-px3ln I say that only from a Christian perspective. You never want to just relenquish your control over your mind. I would make that a last resort if at all. There are many excellent therapies out there including art, music & equine therapy which is big where I live in NW Ohio. The key is finding someone trained in trauma therapy.
so how to find right therapist?
This is the first step and such an important question. Would also love be to hear the answer to it.
LEVENTH
Good morning Doctor. I’ve found this very interesting and informative.
But PLEASE could you speak a bit SLOWER.
He makes an interesting point about the abuser. Could it be that they can detect the sexual preference of the child victim even before others in their life (including the kid) fully realize that they're gay? 🤔 Certainly turns the argument "you're gay because you were molested" on its head. Then again, I suppose the abuser doesn't care either way. Thanks for sharing your story. People can be such monsters. 🙏🏾👍🏾
So if someone abuses us and consequently we are forever traumatized are you saying the way to freedom is to embrace our sexual urges to most accurately define our identity and in doing so we shall truly know freedom and peace? Not sure if I can connect with this conversation though I was abused in every way as a child, sexually, violently, psychologically for years. Praying for truth
No, they’re saying when it comes to this form of trauma; sexuality should be the least of your concerns when it comes to healing. However Christianity pushes the narrative “... yeah that’s horrible BUT you have to not be gay else you’re going to hell”. I don’t know much, but I know that wouldn’t be Jesus’ response. This man’s issue was ONLY made to the fact that he was having “same sex attractions” not that he was violated beyond measure as a young boy and that’s where Christianity failed him, not Jesus.
@@musicboxtourmsg Your response is inconsistent with the bible though I believe you mean well. The bible says that sexual sin is unique and harmful because it is the only sin in which a man violates his own body. All other sins violate another human being. We shall abstain from any form of sexual immorality such as sleeping with people outside of a committed marriage, no porn, don't lust after people, and don't sleep with the same gender as all of these things destroy who we are in the same way that drugs destroy us, greed, jealousy etc. These things all bring unnecessary suffering when we can identify with Jesus rather than with our passions for pleasure and to be our own God. Instead we should let Jesus, the person who was documented raising many dead people to life in broad daylight among hundreds of witnesses, and feeding thousands of people with just a few fish and loaves (witnessed by thousands). Anyone who has such authority over matter and the universe is qualified to tell me how to live. Unless you have such authority over the laws of these dimensions i'd encourage anyone not to think they know better than God/Jesus/The Risen Messiah.
@@skinnerandpartners what I said has little to nothing to do with the Bible, you are still in the mindset that I was speaking of previously. For this man to heal, focusing on the fact he is gay was not the way to heal his inner child, because that brought more shame and nearly lead to his death, something Jesus definitely wouldn’t want. He was vulnerable, hurting, and the church and many ministries failed him by highlighting the “sin”, not the trauma. Please don’t be fooled, the Bible is the inspired word of God, but it is not Jesus. Jesus transcends the Bible and is not kept within the limitations of it.
@@musicboxtourmsg it appears that you are again referencing this mans focus on (either being gay or not being gay) based on his view of truth and thus identity.
Rather I am suggesting that because truth comes from God/scripture and not by man’s interpretation or mind we are led to a cross road. We have to decide whether we know best about our identity, sexual urges, desires etc., or whether God knows best.
In other words if we are willing to align with truth we are fulfilled and embrace an honorable identity in that God is our master. In contrast those who rebel to become their own God fall victim to their own lustful passions that ultimately lead to death.
This is not a complex conversation, it is two CZcams forces, one speaking the truth and acknowledging God’s ways as higher than our own, referencing scripture: 2nd Timothy 3:16-17 vs identifying the perversion within what you are saying in that it is the judge-mental Christians’ fault why this man suffered, and that other people are to blame for this man’s resentment, bitterness, anxiety and confusion. He chooses to blame his tendency of desiring to sleep with other men as an inherent part of societies problem, when in actuality his choice of acting on this temptation will define what his problems are or aren’t in how he feels about what is good, truth, honorable, and righteous.
This is why men cannot be gay, they can only be tempted by sin, whether they choose to act defines who they believe has the authority to define truth (God or themselves).
@@skinnerandpartners You’re defaulting to scripture because you do not know anything different and to you, that brings truth and credibility to what you’re saying. I have not once said being gay is right. I am highlighting the fact that it IS those ministries and pastors faults for being ill-equipped, inexperienced, and lacking proper education to deal with severe trauma. They led someone very broken and confused into a darker hole and get this, took money from him! Where’s Jesus in that? You’re focusing on his sexuality, which only furthers what I am saying and have already said. I am saying the way his trauma was addressed within the church was ignorant, uneducated and was poorly executed. Had this man been in the hands of educated leaders of God he maybe would’ve been “set free” by this time of life.
A lot of these points are true, but it's also true that the majority of people that are living a homosexual life have been through sexual abuse. But some minority are because of the lack of relationship they had with their dad so they try to find that in other men... but definitely from some kind of trauma
Wait. This is pretty confusing. I understand that religious people trying to do their own religious man made things is wrong, but is this saying that homosexuality is correct? and Dr. Leaf are you agreeing that homosexuality is from God?