Ep. 25 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
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- čas přidán 21. 08. 2024
- In this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer discuss how they're spending the quarantine, Bert's weight gain, and Drake. Bert graces us with his singing and freestyle abilities, and discusses his Adam Sandler interview mishap. The bears also talk to comedian Ian Bagg, 90 Day Fiance producer Dan Adler, and sports analyst Pat McAfee. How are YOU passing time during the quarantine? Let us know in the comment section below!
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Major props to Tom for running this school for the mentally disabled and taking such good care of his student, Bert.
best comment
Bro I'm death 🤣😂💀
GOLDEN comment
I CANT BREATHE HAHAHAHA
I love when Burt stops the episode to read texts from his clan friends about rallies he's going to
Skulky McNasty *klan
Clan- scottish familial group
Klan- Bert meets with them to burn crosses and exchange recipes
Tom missed a golden opportunity there
That's where I thought it was headding
That was the grand wizard show some respect
When Bert's story is making you tear up and nearly cry but then Tom says his kid called him a fag....I DIED laughing
Sierra Tebeau I listened to this while mowing the lawn.. I think I missed it and I couldn’t find it!!! Did you remember where that was!?
Miguel Lucero I know I’m late but it’s about 15:15
Both stories were so equally amazing lol
Bert “I had this flashlight that shoots 10,000 alumninums” Kreischer
MegaThrasher95 i missed this 😂😂
I died when I heard that!!! Berts an idiot
This literally has me lol at work and everyone looks at me funny
@@andrewgrant624 i started a new job last week and everyone has already accepted that i be laughing at nothing, a lot 😂
Bert: "I thought about giving my kids xanax in their drinks."
Ari Shaffar has entered the chat
I though of Ari immediately
Right
Bert the amazing hypocrite
If he did it, perhaps. What parent hasn't had a similar thought?
I still love him!
Bert talking to Drake: I’m your biggest fan.
You mean Blake?
Glenn Cunningham his hotline boink song
Bert: I love your song Bobs Plan. We should hang out when I come to Winnipeg
100%
I love your song "came from the bottom"
In the span of 60 seconds, Bert calls Drake “Blake” and “Drape”
I approve of Drape.
Who cares? Drake's a douchebag.
@@thesovereign4218 what?
@@skippy_tgl the idolization and the absolute hating of celebs has confused me forever like you don’t know drake how you know he’s an asshole
I think it's early on set dementia from all the booze.
Bert’s entirely unaware this show has become Tom assisting him in humiliating himself, and I love it.
Mitchell Masterson I don’t think Bertram can get humiliated
I think the funniest part is that he actually is aware😂
Oh I think he's woefully aware lmao. It's just attention so he leans into it regardless. 🤣
It reminds me of Kenny vs Spenny
The longer this quarantine goes on the more Bert looks like himself in Tom's dance video
Brendan Stanley I need Tom to see that comment. Haha. Hilarious
Muhsheen
He has feelings, you know? He has big, fat feelings and it’s not nice of you to hurt them.
Fucking hilarious
“I’m certain I probably did” -the most Bert sentence ever.
oh, 100%
60% of the time it works every time
A-hundred percent!!!
Aw a-yeah
25:20
"Started from the top now we're here." God I love a good Blake song.
“Is the actual beat to the song?” “No?” “Sounds like it”. Let’s all remember Bert has never heard a Drake song.
Caleb Logan I also never have.
Isn't he that guy from the kids show with Josh?
@@james5637 drake bell looool
Yo, Southern Smoke, Son!
Same. I’ve heard the name for years but I always remember hearing that he’s a Canadian black dude that came from a Canadian kids show. Dude isn’t hard. He shouldn’t be rapping. Thanks lil Wayne
Any body else catch “I have this flashlight that shoots ten thousand aluminums.”
Since all 28 of these people are too rude to answer you I will fill you in. Yes. A majority of us.
Probably meant lumens
just one of about 30 of the strokes that happened mid sentence for bert on this one.........JESUS lol
Bert is adorably uneducated, it’s like he skimmed everything he ever learned
@@ShredHouseGaming but pair that with the aimless excitement of a golden retriever
The moment I began to love 2 Bears is when I realized it's really just a show about a hyperactive, special needs boy and his surly but lovable caretaker.
Edit: Wow, 200 upvotes, thanks guys. And yes, I am just (sorta) kidding.
Love you Bert.
Lmaooo
holy shit, that’s the funniest thing I’ve read 😂
Holy fuck...
And you get a like - Oprah Winfrey 2020
best comment of all time
It’s been 24 hours and I still haven’t finished this podcast. I keep passing out from this drinking game.
😅
"He has a $200M deal with Netflix. They throw it in."
Lol the world needed a real life homer simpson
@Robert Arnold like he says he's just lucky
44:00 “I have a flashlight that shoots 10,000 aluminums” -Bret Chrysler
Hilarious
Take a drink...
Oh fuck, my sides just left this galaxy 🤣
Hahaha thank you
I need a supercut, similar to Joe Rogan meets Roe Jogan, where it's Bert talking to Bert saying all the offcolored things that Tom goads him into saying, and call it "2 Berts 1 Cave" . Editing Wizards, hop to it!
It's entirely possible...
He'd just keep interrupting himself.
bert: "im not drinking" essentially allows himself to drink every five days and says hes not drinking.
Vann Crosby Well hes an alcoholic lol
Once a week isn’t really drinking in the term he means though, he’s one about getting blasted 24/7
@@ljdj1238 If you cant even stay sober for 6 months you are a weak pathetic beta male.
LOL, right?? The mental gymnastics & justifications he uses to drink/not drink just kills me. Five days not drinking, but has "holidays" when he wants that don't count, but if he drinks before 5 days, not to mention edibles, etc, etc, etc. He COMPLETELY lost me.
1:05:42 "I've heard that, started at the bottom now were at the top?"
Guy in the background laughed so hard my cereal came out through my nose!🤣🤣🤣
Burns "Freestyle" Kreischland hitting us with: 'pull up the lyrics so i can freestyle'
Jairo Perez I really wished Nadav or whoever in the control room went “nah” because I couldn’t skip through that fast enough.
New category for the drinking game: Drink every time Tom has to correct Bert
Two drinks if bert doesn't believe him at first
Annnnnnnnnd...... I'm smashed
we're trying to get drunk, not die
but... but...BUT MY liver!!!
I think we should all just drink ourselves into a coma and skip the categories because that’s where we’ll end up anyways
“Blake is from Tronto” - Burt
It truly warms my heart when I see Bert's face light up when he gets an idea for a new game they can play
God bless you Tom for trying to put an end to the beat bits.
lol are you kidding? he eggs him on so hard.
@@nickdaboii nah when bert wanted to do the machine story as a freestyle tom was pretty quick to shut that shit down
@@donmega2642 I will admit though I laugh hardest when Bert just starts taking shit off the rails.
Bert discovered Drake was black and Jewish so he decided to block him out the last 10yrs.
fuck yeah, i hope they will read this comment on next episode :D
Since Bert raised his kids right they probably haven't heard of the Holocaust either.
I forgot Bert was racist and antisemetic for a second, now it makes sense thanks.
@@chrism45 hahaha oh man.
Hahaha!!!
Bert: "Hypocriticalness"
Aaaaaaaand my drink is done.
I wonder if Bert is aware Jay Baruchel is the voice from How to train a dragon, which his kids probably love
"cause I had a flashlight that's 10,000 luminems"
The blind confidence he has when he speaks is astonishing.
Enders Gone encouraging what? The slight mispronunciation of an uncommon word?
Jakob Lawrence it’s a pretty common word. And it’s not like fucking up the English language is a one-off for Bert. Why not let the guy poke a little fun? It’s not like he was rambling incoherent racist nonsense like Bert.
Bert said "Flash light shoots 10,000 aluminums" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Caught that too, just shook my head.. Bart Christensen isn't long for this world I suspect...
Barth doesn't know lumins...
He can’t catch a break 😂
@@crazyjoedavola5430 And you don't know Lumens...
“Can he say it? He’s from Canada.”
BERT OH MY GOD
Bert having such a shit time with his Sandler interview and then talking openly about it makes me LOVE him a million times more. He's like my precious gem
Berts reasoning for how long he's "not drank" makes about as much sense as his pool showers
i liked Bert as a person before this podcast, now i just think he's a disgusting human being (no showers, etc) and i have no idea why Leanna is with him still 😂😂 besides the $$$. he's funny though
And his idea that soap does nothing...
I think his own scrambled brain is trying to implement a frequent flyer style reward system where he can trade “sober” time for shirtless booze fueled shenanigans
@@Miv51miv51 i also want to punch him in the throat every time he says "i didn't drink, but i had 2 today but it doesn't count. then if i go 5 days without drinking i can drink and it doesn't count" no you dummy, you're an alcoholic makin excuses for yourself and wondering why you keep gettin fat. needless to say, im here for Tom
Michael S is not wrong
It’s Bert “that’s enough about me let’s talk more about me” Kreischer.
Bert's way of counting sobriety is textbook alcoholic and tom knows it lmfao
Bert snapping to the remix of him singing is the most endearing shit I've ever seen him do
When Bert sang "Started from the Bottom", he was talking about the rise of the Third Reich.
Bert: “Blake is from Toronto”
sonic titan I was listening to is and decided to come straight here to check that I wasn’t the only one who noticed 😂
Omg I’m glad I’m not the only one who heard it I can’t believe Tom didn’t hear it😂
tolson488 rewatch lmao he def look at three camera when he said Blake lolol just ignored it
Haha I like how you didn’t bother writing Berts full name, I don’t either lol
Bert at 1:30:55 went full Larry King...
My belly was in agony laughing at Tom's reaction to that
How did Tom recover so quickly from that?
I lost my shit and rewatched it wayyy too many times
Then at 1:33:37 🤣🤣🤣
Bert’s Jay Baruchel prank on his daughters is actually hilarious 🤣
Just survived a tornado. First bit of WiFi in 14 hours. Straight to 2b1c
You the dude who's house got moved into the middle of the street?
Glad you survived my kids would love to meet their uncle.
Glad you made it 🙏🏽
2 blacks 1 chick?
Alabama?
"Doctor recommended Reeses Pieces"--Bert Kreischer
That made me spill my drink no bullshit
P.S. PunnKin Chunkin--The Machine
I think you mistook Bart Kirshner for someone else
Tom's intro jokes on everyone are soo Hilarious cause Bert can't do anything but laugh
1:06:15 I never dreamed that I would ever hear Burnt Chrysler sing a folk music rendition of a Drake song.
Bert: “I think I did the Sandler interview poorly.”
Everyone: “Oh you call rambling incoherently without giving Sandler the chance to speak an interview?”
Berts drake impression sounds like an Irish person who got lost in Minnesota.
Ramsey Bivona that’s Drake. What’re you talking about
It's more like someone from far eastern Canada
@@solomondoors2306 legit though. sounded Newfie
Time stamps would be handy
My favorite part is how Tom acts like he isn't close friends with Bert and just fuels his antics for content.
Thats what real friends do
You're a horrible judge of character if you think he comes off as not being close
"Theres got to be some good accident footage" -tom segura 😂😂
Aaaaaand we’re back to Bert struggles with pharmaceuticals and conversation, hosted by Tom
It's only a sign that Bert would be a perfect character in an Adam Sandler Comedy.
I am so happy they are making new episodes every week through this pandemic, gives me something to look forward to each Monday. :) Thanks
I really hope they talk about Bert's interview with Sandler
That would be a precious gem I would be a Happy Madison if they did.
They do and it's hilarious 😂
Made my whole year
Hey Adam do you have Netflix?
43:53 Bert has a flashlight that 'shoots 10,000 aluminums'
Bert you also said "10k aluminums" for your flashlight strength! haha love this podcast
1:14:22 Toms look when Bert says he’s gonna sing the machine song is murdering me 😂😂😂
Bert stops drinking and thinks he’s sober while popping Xanax like crazy 🤦♂️🤷♂️
Dont forget. It doesnt count as drinking if you take a 5 day break before and after.
Imagine if someone only smoked crack one day a week. They would still be smoking crack.
Bert was going to “Ari Shaffir” his daughter’s drinks 😂
I feel like Bert could watch him self all day every day and still have a huge smile on his face
Omg, I died for Tom’s story about his toddler. Then I cried for Bert’s, and then I laughed at Tom’s other son’s story. Good job guys! 😜
I love Bert and his energy. It's like a special needs adult who stumbled upon someone's coke stash.
Lmfao great analysis
😂😂😂
"I also don't know what an Attorney General is"
-Bert Kreischer, 47 years old, 2020
10mg Tom and Xany Bert at it again.
6:15 "He's got a kid now" 'oh..he's got a girlfriend?" WELLWELLLWELLLLL 😂😂😂
These two need to do a buddy comedy movie. So much chemistry here, this ain't no bromance, this is romance
Bert singing was one of the most painful things I've ever witnessed and I've seen combat in Iraq twice. Its like if nickleback had aids and was dying of cancer
wtfrank Rojo 😂😂😂
Holy SHIT!!!🤣🤣🤣😂😂🤣😂😂😂
Nailed it
😂😂😂😂😂
As Trey Parker and Matt Stone said about Russell Crowe's album...It's like Bon Jovi meets Hepatitis B
“It’s a show about comedians dancing. Real creative. I wonder where they got that idea from”
Wasn't that literally all Bert said? And now he's apologizing for it. Unreal.
@@johnhealysvideos Right? What a time to be alive.. smfh
hellalyfe shake your filthy helmet? Go warsh that lil mug
Yeah, that women is crazy for getting pissed over that
"You stole my idea" is kind of a big fucking accusation in comedy. Comedians dancing is not a Bert original concept, so an apology is sensible.
Watching Tom watch Bert trying to figure Drake out killed me. 😂
Bert singing "Hold on, We're Going Home" was better than the original. Lmao
Good to see Brent ditched the Klan attire for a nice flannel.
Real bros Ethan Denneen
Anyone know what brand name the flannel is? It’s a really nice shirt
2:47 for intro, 3:24 for start.
Edit: 41:05 for first and 1:20:53 for second.
@Wait What- You are a saint.
Legend
The first thing I thought when I saw Bert's interview was that I couldn't wait for Tom to rip into him about it. Buns did not disappoint
Bert speaks how i type!! IT HAD 10000 ALUMINUMS LOL
Anyone know who he's talking about with the burner acc? 31:30
exactly why I came into the comments 🧐
@@angiem6720 same
@@angiem6720 What gets me is idk why he wouldn't out him. Why be honorable to someone who keeps it low n loose.
@@Chief_Ten_Bears then you would get low too and Bert understands that he got issues enough already. Also maybe a bit of virtue signaling
Chad Zumock
You can tell Tom is a great dad, I literally can’t stop laughing about him chasing “the bigger kid” and falling on his ass, can’t wait to hear more of his stand up where he starts mentioning this stuff😂😂😂
Bert singing just hold on we’re going home i friggin LOVE IT hahahahah. He made it work, came up with a whole tune and it actually flowed hahaha. Love it. Love you guys
“I turned one on that flashes 10,000 aluminums”love it!! 😂
Watching Bert perform raps or sing Drake is ALMOST as funny as Tom's expressions looking at him do it and trying his hardest to not get involved.
Lying to your AA app while you drink and smoke weed.
Yep. No problem here.
It's a lame cult anyway.
Lol not everyone has the Micky mantle gene
Josh Rowe podcasting comedians? Or AA? Cause they’re the same thing.
@@joshrowe9653 Found the drunk.
As long as he's not preaching gospel about AA. He deserves a smokey-poo.
1:33:28 is one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen 😂😂😂😂 that little head nod to get his shit together
Am I the only one who wonders if Tom ever sits back and just asks himself how has Bert ever made it this far? Watching Tom look at Bert as he speaks is the best...
“I have this flashlight that shoots 10,000 aluminums” drink
44:00
"Ten thousand aluminums."
Christ lol
Jesus, Bert looks so healthy here compared to now in late 2023... hope he gets sober
"Im gonna sing the machine song" Toms face was straight "Oh god, I thought we were done with that bit finally"
8:55 Makes perfect sense Bert!!! LeeAnn has that same 5 day rule about her personal “trainer” 😂😂😂
“Blake” ‘s new album is gonna crush it
haha im surprised no one on the pod noticed this
The reason Burnt “ThirrdRike” Cryshlezrs doesn’t listen to drake is because he’s not only black, his Jewish as well
Wow didn't finish this yesterday I got diagnosed with pneumonia and possibly covid-19 i live out here in South Carolina and we got a tornado here Sunday night at almost 3:55 pm. Our little town got devastated and my heart goes out to all those affected Indiana as well
"It's been 25 days since I had a drink. But we don't count the time I drank with Joe." -Brent Krystals
Sam Spezza he didn’t drink those two drinks. He smoked them. They don’t count! 🤣
another drinking rule should be anytime Bert says, “shut up!” but he doesn’t mean be quiet.
Tom’s face having to balance his friendship with bert with what terrible content he knew all the rapping was😂
Bert's interview with Sandler man... I never want to be that oblivious of my own ignorance.
Bruised Crowler’s new special “Come Over Big Fella” on Amazon Prime
Burt's bit about "singing" songs "he doesn't know" got really old, really quickly
Yeah, I stopped watching the episode after burt starred to try and improvise started from the bottom
@@dirtydoge756 He doesn't realize he's a story teller not necessarily a funny guy.
As did his stand up and his whole general way of being
He turns everything into a shitty country song.
also just hit that point & realized just like last episode half of the 2 hours is audio trash
Tom is so over the singing segment, but Bert insists on poorly half-singing these songs...
When you befriend the lonely Aspergers kid from school and find out you need him more than he needs you.
I'm not crying, you're crying...
Nate Hamann why did you have to bring up my church best friend like that
Who is the person with the fake twitter that Bert was talking about at 30:45?
@Fuck Google Google isn't so bad 🙄
Rachel Maddow
Fuck Google I can’t think of anyone who might do that more than Tony
@Fuck Google is this true or are we guessing?
Nah, it's definitely not Tony. He's been on both of their podcasts. I'm dying to know who it is. Maybe that Jay Mohr guy that used to tell Bert's story onstage and pretend it happened to him? That guy got all mad at Bert after he was trashed for telling Bert's so story so I could totally see him doing something like that
Is Bert ever gonna be honest with himself? Stay tuned to find out!
Lmao. As long as he believes he is being honest to himself.
@@Stephen_Eee What do you mean? I only have a xanax, two whiskey's, and a joint before bed. I'm completely sober!
Self awareness isn’t a gift everyone has.
Him not counting it as having a drink if he goes 5 days without drinking is 100% addict thinking. Legit.
@@darkaero and you know he's going to bring up that stupid fucking app to say its been x amount of days when in reality it's 5 at the very most lol
Bert is like a pure innocent kid, was too excited to see Adam.
12:23 And this is why you and Ari are friends Bert lol.
"I've been going through cereal like I'm Seinfeld." lol