100% Spot on!! I can blow your mind with my experiences being married to a Narc husband and his family. Working 2 decades in a Narcissist family business and best of all had a Narcissist father who destroyed me as a kid. Sets you up to attract the worst people on the planet! Nasty Narcissistic people suck your internal organs out of you! They are FAKE and 2 faced !! Count on that! Today I am a supernova empath. I can write a book on every experience in detail of red flags to look for.
His mother was the Queen Bee of the Narc Cult. I felt like I was in the middle of a pack of wolves. I regret the day that I ever met, and married him. It was a nightmare. They are pure evil. Thank God for revealing the truth to me, and delivering me from their evil.
I lived this sake life! My Ex is perverted- twisted and demonic as is his Mother and many siblings. I think they are “demonized” ppl. God never 👎 wanted me to marry him. It was my flesh, I was wrong & what a heavy price to pay 💰
My ex's family covered for him, pretending to be so religious and righteous. Pretending to be pillars of the community, meanwhile alcohol abuse and spousal abuse went on behind closed doors! Now I know where he learned it!!! Children LEARN what they LIVE!
I’ve experienced all of this from my narcissistic soon to be X husband and his family. The main matriarch narcissist is the mother. I’m going through this right now. She came out and told me she is only concerned about her son and not me. As an empath that hurt but I didn’t let her know that. After 9 years of marriage I’m done with that family. 👍🏾
My ex & his entire narcissistic family are definitely a cult that enables each other no matter what. But at the same time,they seem to dislike each other🤷🏽♀️.
Exactly they keep secrets and hate each other secretly too. If you find out, and confront, man , you have had it. You are the evil that came in the family to destroy their peace and unity. Hahaha
I agree his family even abandoned him when he was younger because he didn’t behave the way his father wanted and sent him all over the world to Europe to become a man and now they want him to go back because 12 years later they think they were right and he has learned this lesson, but I guess he is a covert narc Who took a lot of loans to impress them and live support life in Europe
Narcissists can despise their enabling family of origin while simultaneously being loyal to the enmeshment based on their learned need for supply at any cost.
As a narcissist myself, i would like to add a seventh (and a very important) reason: the narcissist wants his family's wealth, or atleast a share of it.
By the very definition of what a narcissist is,you have disqualified yourself by saying that you're a narcissist. A real one is incapable of self realization 🎉😂
@@carynmartin6053with all due respect, that is absolutely false. There are self-aware narcissists, like Dr. Sam Vaknin, a professor of psychology and diagnosed with NPD, who also discusses narcissistic abuse on YT and has written numerous books. Another self-aware and diagnosed NP is Ben Taylor, founder of Raw Motivations, who through years of continued counseling, began the journey of discovering his true self, not the false self created by the NP. He coaches narcissistic abuse survivors, much like this channel's author. I could name plenty more is necessary, so don't ever assume that because most narcissist will not admit what they are, that there are others who don't become aware and are willing to admit and do the work, that's failed logic. They may be a small number, but it does and has happened.
I am living this as well. He would claim to have “talked to them,” but I saw no change. In fact things would get worse and he would echo them on different occasions. In fact on all important occasions such as childbirth, birthdays, Anniversaries, they created chaos in some form, and when I pointed it out, I was called ungrateful because I was supposed to ignore it and appreciate the material things that was gifted to me.
Same. We asked father in law to co-sign on a loan …. He took that as a welcome and NEVER LEFT! Abusive verbally to my kids, treats us all like dirt, hates my family out of jealous competition and wants us isolated … he’s weird . And he hovers . I have NO free space. I want out of this marriage because it’s no longer me and my husband . It’s me and his dad and my husband . And my views get shut down . I get insulted if I try to stand up for myself.
I didn't know what I was marrying into. My husband was already married to his mother (enmeshment) as she called the shots to our wedding. Year after year he chose her say over mine. And if I called him out on his behavior, he'd go running to his parents, where they all painted me as the bad guy. I left with our kids after 5 years, and his family danced on his misery, telling him to divorce me so they could look and feel better than him. After seeing his family's true colors, my husband repented, begged for us back, and now he just silently mopes at home because he has no one to go running as a "victim" to anymore. And he refuses therapy because he doesn't want to believe that he and his family aren't prefect. They're all still narcissistic, and I'm indifferent now.
This is my mom. She would never admit it, but she cares so much more about her parents, siblings, neices/nephews than her own kids. Staying in her family cult & maintaining her "reputation" amongst them will always be her top priority. She goes to them to complain about her kids & plays victim about being mistreated by us, when really she causes most of the problems.
This belonging to the "inner circle" is what has allways bothered me. Why am I allways excluded? As I haven't allways been aware how the world works I have been in a very dark place and have thaught that there is something wrong with me. But no. Now I've come to realize there is actually something wrong with the people in the "inner circle" of a group.
Oh all of them are real and so true,I kept on wondering why would these people slander and critisize each other but they had their backs still sticking together,what a twisted world😢
Actually, most of the narcissists I’m thinking of didn’t respect their family or parents at all and/or they had a rough upbringing and that’s what made them narcissistic. They acquire this mentality like “if they do me wrong, I’ll just give them a dose of their own medicine”, like they fight fire with fire instead of water. Silence speaks much louder than words sometimes. Nothing feels more liberating than blocking, deleting, remove any/all flying monkeys, and moving on- without them.
Luke 12:53 NLT Father will be divided against son and son against father; mother against daughter and daughter against mother; and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.
@@Themis419 How a narcissistic family function doesn't make sense to the normal, average individual. It's a pathology because it doesn't make sense. They'd save face in front of strangers and the public. They'd feed each other's egos but they are also each other's biggest critic and naysayer. They don't really have genuine connection and affection for each other. What they do is all out of duty and obligation and perpetuate the toxicity for some inexplicable reason. It'll make anyone crazy.
My ex malignant narcissist would always spend time with his family, more than with me and our children. I got used with being alone from early morning till late evening. I told him he was busier than a doctor even tho he did not have a job. He would always come to me and gossip about his family and friends and I would not care, after being so tired from the kids. He chose his family and I chose my girls ❤ I'm very happy with my choice! Thank you, Danish 😊❤❤❤
My mother tore our whole family of fifty sixty people up. So enjoyed our pain. She stayed loyal to her nucleus family. She fooled her church friends. She died and now none of us have each other because she was so cunning and so good at her evil craft that most of them believed her whining and lying and manipulations. I am trying to heal a lifetime of her going behind my back and lying about me. Even writing letters to a man I divorced ten years earlier, she stopped at nothing.
Totally relate to this. Their family are their flying money's and they will support them no matter what. Even when the narcissist is doing wrong they will not correct them but they will support their delusions
My parents moved 3 hours away to live near my adult "golden child" sisrer, and I resented it because I had just bought a townhouse a block away from them and was happy to be finally able to spend more time visiting them. My father's strange comment made no sense to me when, after several years, he told me, the "lost child," he was forgetting that I exxist since I hadn't visited them in a long time. Looking back, I suppose that was a plea for more contact, but at the time he said it, I felt so discarded. And perhaps I was. I see the sickness of the family system now that I only felt the consequences of while I was living in it.
@victoryamartin9773…..Which is why I will NEVER move just to be near a son and the grandchildren that I’ve never seen yet. I used to get along with him spectacularly all of his life…..even after his first marriage. But after he divorced and got with his ‘common-law’ wife and had two children with her (she is a welfare mama and has three older children…), she has his brain so twisted now, it’s hard to talk on the phone without one of them accusing me of things that she attributes to her own mother as doing, and they pick fights with me. He even told me that I was a narcissist! I looked into this more, as I am always trying to learn from my own mistakes, but as it turns out, it is the two of them that are the freaking narcissists! (She also has him into drinking alcohol now….something that he used to be against, because of all of the alcoholic ahole relatives on my side of the family….I am the only one that doesn’t drink). They called me near the end of last February, and started calling me names and told me that I was being a victim. I told them that I am nobody’s victim, and to quit labelling me….I also told them that I don’t want to go through this yet again, and I tried to politely beg off the phone….then my son would quickly tone down the abuse…..only for the two of them to start ratcheting it up again…..and I said that I wasn’t going to do this……so he backed down again. This kept going up and down until the call was over. It was so frustrating. They are using the children as pawns. What they don’t realize, is that I am so allergic to abuse, that when I move from where I am now living, I am not basing where to move to next, on being by my grandchildren. I’ve already cried the tears for years, over not having my grandchildren in my life…..if that’s the way it has to be, then I’ve made my peace with it…..and I will not live by them JUST to be near the grandchildren, after all of the screaming, abusive phone calls that I’ve had to endure with my son and his ‘common-law’ wife. She seems to thrive on the ‘drama’ that she creates, and has gotten him into playing her game. He used to be able to see through this kind of behaviour in others, so I’m confused as to why he is doing it now? Maybe the drinking has clouded his judgement? And now that there are his children involved, he is probably playing along in order to not lose them? She has been known to kick other men to the curb after having their children…..so she has a ‘pattern’. She is getting too old now to have anymore however, so she’s more inclined to stay with my son than if she were still younger. But still, I think he stays for the children. Yet at the same time, he complained that the oldest son of hers, gets upset when my son and she starts drinking, because he doesn’t like how they act. Her oldest son is autistic. I’ve talked with him on the phone…..he’s high-functioning, but yes, he is kind of like Forrest Gump. Sweet kid, and I can’t blame him for wanting to leave the room (or house), when they start drinking. People who drink think that they are acting okay….when in reality, they are aholes. My son begs to differ…..but I think he has been drinking when he picks fights on the phone……and we used to get along reeeally well!
They will say things to you that astonish you and boggle the mind but it reveals exactly what they are about. After years of abuse and getting out successfully... Mother in law bitterly says to me, " He supported you!!!! " 😮 In other words, how dare you be happy and independent. . Problem is I worked, he left, was abusive and was still being supported by HER 😢 They only see what they want to see. Guilt tripping is a constant even to the point of using blatant lies to rationalize their own abuse to you. You are right, you will always be the outsider to people like this. They do not like competition. 🙏
I haven't even started watching the video yet ,but just reading the title was enough reason for me to validate this. 22 years of marriage and my malignant, covert narcissistic husband is unbelievably loyal and the "perfect,good , well behaved son" to his parents.
Mine lives in his childhood home with his mother. He lives on one side, she lives on the other. She had a major stroke and he’s been taking care of her for nearly a decade; he took me along for the ride without asking if it was one I’d like to take. Now, before you say how can he be a narcissist? He gave up his life to care for his mother…she’s a cash cow. He makes over 6 figures just to be home sleeping in his house because he’s “taking care of her.” He has caretakers during the waking hours. He uses her name to get loans, credit cards, you name it. He essentially has the borrowing power of 2 people because he is her power of attorney. Their names are on everything together, down to his Netflix account. He has acted as a husband would if she had had one when she had her stroke. Ironically she spent her life counseling women to help get them out of abusive relationships, her stroke left her without speech, and her son is a toxic, abusive narcissist. They do not do ANYTHING unless they benefit from it in some way.
7:06 i have seen everything you have mentioned in narcspouse's fam. Horrific, stultifying, unctuous and nauseating only scratches that miserable surface...
His mother is the 'man of the house'. They were never really accepting or friendly to me, not even to greet me if we met for eating out. And that was at the beginning. I had never met anyone in my life who treated me this way. I blamed it on their Southeastern Asian home. They only associate with other people from their particular country. But I did not know about narcissism. Through your help I understand it all. Everything you mentioned I can see in them. It's a whole thing, I cannot pick out one particular thing that stands out. Thank you so much.
There is a thing about stray dogs... If any outsider comes in dogs territory then they band together and bite it off and atlast the outsider runs away ..but in actual the dogs are always fighting with each other ..all the time conflicts.. Narcissists are just like WILD DOGS..fighting each other but if we marry them then they start biting us collectively..
Some people are blind to the fact we have become part of their family. Instead according to some of their relatives in extended family we will always be only a stranger they have to cope with. Only a stranger who is sometimes trying to care for the infant whom they wanting to adopt for themselves. Sometimes after the narcissists immediate family members pressured us to start having children with the narcissist.
All of them are true. The most important thing is they collectively abuse me Eventhough they are geographically in different locations they are well connected.
My ex was really ill and I was taking care of him in the town I stay. Running from home to the hospital every day and when things got worse because he wasn't taking care of himself. He wanted to go to another hospital and while in the ambulance I asked if I should come. He said No as his brother would be there. Honestly I took his BS for 12 years only to realise that for him family was everything and I was just a support system. So I walked away from him and his family and no looking back and no regrets.
Hello Danish , first of all I would like to thank you for everything you do . I learned so many things from all of your download episodes. I'm married for a narcissist for 42 + years and only then i recognized it after I watched you. Now I know how to ignore him and etc ,etc . I have more peace now more ever than before. And when I'm hearing this episodes I laugh bc that's exactly my husband's family does they' re indeed a cult.
I survived the narcissistic cult of my ex-husband's mother and sister. It got even worse when my ex father in law died 7 years ago. I have been out for 6 years now...and I'm co-parenting our 11 year old daughter with all of the cult members. It is a nightmare.
Wow. I've never known a family like my ex husband's family, yet you describe them to a t! I wish I had have known all this 20 years ago... I could see something was very wrong there but I couldn't understand it. I saw them express all six of your points! It shocks me that this is so common.
All six! I used to think holy cow what did I do? Then realized it was the queen bee and her drones with the exception of my hubby who is the scapegoat.
What a mess! LOL LOL So bad they're. So much dysfunctions. I can see all these in my immediate family. The way Danish explains makes so much sense. Thanks for helping millions of people we need help.
Oh wow What a revelation If I saw this years ago It would spare me pain The loyalty of my partner to his parents Was wicked They also played him with his bond They knew how to target me
All of them. My husband is a narc through and through. Found out about two years ago that he has been bad mouthing me for years with his mother. We were married for 19yrs.
OMG! This is spot on my mother, is obsessed with her siblings and her dad whom she doesn’t talk to… when her sister was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, my mother was beyond upset. My mother almost took the news harder than her sister did. Fast forward a few years later, and I am diagnosed with cancer. I received one phone call from my mother. It was fairly short, and overall she didn’t seem too concerned. I’m just grateful I have my husband and my son that were there for me throughout the entire journey. Needless to say, I have zero contact with that woman.
This is exactly my husband. He always want to have this image of being fair, compassionate, kind, and helpful but completely the opposite for me. I feel like I cannot have someone to rely on. He doesn't care about me or our family. He blames me and accused me of being sensitive and being the problem to all my sufferings from his family. Until now, that we are 16 years together as a family, and we are still living together with his parents and siblings. He said it would only take 2-5 years maximum and we would be able to have our own house. Until now, it is still the same situation as 16 years ago. It's hard to leave especially when you already have kids. I'm just nothing here and I've been practicing gray rocking for several years already just to avoid drama especially when he/they trigger me.
Number four really hit home for me-- even though I am included in family events, I am ignored not just by my partner but everyone. They might come over and ask me how I'm doing but that's it. So I find that I am invited but I'm not welcomed.
They have give and take relations in their family. I mean transactional, fully conditional relations. It's never love but huge trauma bonded within them. But when we fall for any relation with them they attack like a hyena pack.
My narcissistic ex would go out with his family on the weekends “for a free meal.” They would go to dinner. His family would always pay. I felt so guilty because I wasn’t raised that way. I wouldn’t go. He would just say I wasn’t grateful. I was more than grateful, I just didn’t want to take advantage and have them pay. I am really struggling with everything. This is just another thing on the list.
Absolutely 💯 i was always out of the door i have never fit in his family thanks God i am free thanks Danish God bless you i can now recognise the red flags
Best video ever - finally I get to understand the system. I had to laugh so badly, 'cause it had freed my mind. Once my ex father in law had asked me: "Are you sure you want to be part of the bulwark Smith? Because I don't take any BS - like gossip in town!" He controls the whole town and everything in that town. My son remained there after separation and when he screws up his father gets mad at him, because he will be in trouble with HIS parents. That system is so unutterably horrifying and so hard to leave if you are caught up in it. How is a child suppose to see it, if an adult can't see it!?
O my God my hus is doing exactly what you said .he will do all dirty things & abuse physically and emotionally then soon after he calls his elder brother and tells whatever he did that all he put on my head.
Sir I am watching from Bangladesh.My narcissistic wife has divorced me.She didn't have sympathy.God bless you discussing this topics.Now I am totally healed after seen this video.
Do you know my ex-wife and her family?! Holy crap brother - you could not have described my story and lived experience more accurately... Thank you so much for the clarity, clarification, and validation. Appreciate you more than you know
this reminds me of the time when I was in a friend group where I was always met with snarky comments and physical assaults from a single person. when i confronted her behaviour with other people in the friend group, they all just brushed away my concerns and told me that I was being too sensitive and "its how she is being friendly with you". the worst part is I believed their lies and continued to be in contact with them. with a phone call to the head narc of the group later, I now realize she was a narcissist and that bully who physically assaulted me was her flying monkey.(wasted my precious time trying to be friends with them..ugh!! ) the same is with my sister and mother who team up to criticize me whenevr they have the chance. they also never invite me to anything. and believe me when I say their conversations are so stunted. each person is not willing to listen to the other one, and they are both speaking their seperate tales. I am happy to share that I no longer deal with these people's bullshit anymore and they are no longer an active part of my life.
Thank you Danish. You said it beautifully.... And every word was accurate. I experienced all of the above. When I started noticing things, I was bowled over. I became confused and started questioning my own sanity. There was gaslighting, manipulation, outcasting of a family member who did not tow the line. Unbelievable. I have experienced this in varying degrees in my life, but that situation was the end. NEVER, EVER AGAIN WILL I ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN TO ME, AGAIN. I WISH TO LIVE IN PEACE WITH MYSELF. Love and Light💕🕯️
So true and they make you look like the problem of course. I was mocked, I was made to feel like I was a bad parent, like I had no idea what I was doing, like I wasn’t assertive enough or just like them basically. The ex and their Mom caused some mind fuckery for me for a while when it came to my own parenting which was MY daughter who is not even related to them. They felt they could because they were “above” me. I will never forget how I was treated. It’s not fun but it created a strong independent woman. And I’ve never lost my compassion or love for people. These connections will break you down to the point where you want to die. You completely lose your identity and soul!! Soul sucking for sure but recovery is possible. I am stronger and wiser because of this experience. So thank you ❤️
Everything you said resonates with me. Every single word! Thanks for teaching us, because understanding their behaviour helps to heal and cope with it ❤
Yes they would stick up for each other if anyone who was not a blood relative questioned their vile behaviour..they are like a cult..they close ranks against other people..
Narcissists need to have a family. Because it is their only and true connection to ‘who they are’. The history of their family and their membership of, or part in, this history proofs their existence. It defines who they are, and that is something they need desperately, because they don’t know who they are, since they have abandoned their soul at a very young age…. Sooooooo sad 😢
I am the brave and strong survivor. Driving sikhi, monetary mazboot kiya, circle badhya( kyunki circle zero the) Now enjoying my life Just sharing my story. And I don’t want to be called victim. Thanks
My ex-boyfriend and his mother's story. Exactly this. But, even when the parents criticised their son, it was so mild, that it made no impact on his behaviour.
Excellent analysis. You described perfectly my mother and her family and my husband and his family. Bee hives of toxicity and psychological derangement. My children and I no longer have any contact with these psychotic people.
My narcissist, ex-wife had a bizarre relationship with her alcoholic mother. Her mother had raised her to think that she was a genius above everyone else, but also was very critical of her. Mother-in-law visits were stressful to the ex because she routinely received criticism about lack of development, changing for the better. All came to a head when mom convinced daughter to seek a divorce, which when consummated, my ex regretted greatly (not because she loved me or the kids, but because she lost financially). She then criticized her mother who then prompted shot herself as a final act of control.
Oh, my! NOW I understand why my narc mother is so emmeshed with my narc grandmother. I never quite understood my mother's need to always pander to my grandma's nonsense. It's a cult- and thankfully, I am no longer a part of it. Praise G-d!
I am now understanding little by little my confusion…I can’t believe his whole family are this kind of people…I can’t wait to get out of here coz they isolated me in our gated community house the fact that they know that I don’t drive…He moved out with his mother and live in the other house and took our daughter too…I think they are using our daughter as a tool so they can keep me…Now I don’t know what to do coz I don’t know what their next plan…Totally no contact doesn’t work for me because we are sharing custody…I’m still looking for answers and I feel so alone 😢😢😢I’m so glad found your channel 🙏🏻 🙏🏻🙏🏻
You are so exactly spot on how my narc ex and her family on her mother’s side function. It’s almost frightening how spot on you are. Or is it so that all narcs almost following the same pattern regardless on country, culture or religion? As global template.
Thank you for this. I have tried to explain this family dynamic to my son about his wife's family and her behavior toward him. I sent him the link. I hope he hears your message. So far, he has not heard his dad and I about this.
Thank you these narc videos have saved my life. I’m grateful you and others who are so well versed and articulate about this mess of dealing with narcs
Yes make sure they keep the birthday card and Christmas card coming every year. Even they are not talking , very rarely . Maybe by mistakes sometimes.parents are gone only brothers left .
Same… but im sure the same toxic family would be the first one to betray the narcissists… because they see them as objects… empaths are a gift from god to narcs but they abuse empaths and stay loyal to their toxic family only to get betrayed at the end… karma served…
Thank You, You are right on~if I ever need to have a one on one discussion I will contact you. You really understand how this dynamic affect a family system. I married into this system and divorced eventually.
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100% Spot on!! I can blow your mind with my experiences being married to a Narc husband and his family. Working 2 decades in a Narcissist family business and best of all had a Narcissist father who destroyed me as a kid. Sets you up to attract the worst people on the planet! Nasty Narcissistic people suck your internal organs out of you! They are FAKE and 2 faced !! Count on that! Today I am a supernova empath. I can write a book on every experience in detail of red flags to look for.
You would have no idea
BS I always tried to drag us into therapy and never got it.
His mother was the Queen Bee of the Narc Cult. I felt like I was in the middle of a pack of wolves. I regret the day that I ever met, and married him. It was a nightmare. They are pure evil. Thank God for revealing the truth to me, and delivering me from their evil.
Amen lunatics.
💯
I lived this sake life! My Ex is perverted- twisted and demonic as is his Mother and many siblings. I think they are “demonized” ppl. God never 👎 wanted me to marry him. It was my flesh, I was wrong & what a heavy price to pay 💰
Now I can understand why when he said his family could vouch for his honesty and integrity.
What a toxic bunch of people!
Yes 💯 they are visible evil monsters and the god of betrayal
The mother of the narcissist I knew would lie for him. Even when he would get caught cheating. The whole family kept secrets for each other.
yes, absolutely true
Oh that’s quite common
My ex's family covered for him, pretending to be so religious and righteous. Pretending to be pillars of the community, meanwhile alcohol abuse and spousal abuse went on behind closed doors! Now I know where he learned it!!! Children LEARN what they LIVE!
Sounds exactly like my situation. Alcoholism and drug addicts@@user-qd8tz8xz7y
Same
My wife created a lots of chaos in my family and Relatives but remained loyal to her family. It's TRUE
Same here
Same here too.
Oh gosh that’s the story of my life with my husband
Same with my mother and her family.... So disturbing...
I’ve experienced all of this from my narcissistic soon to be X husband and his family. The main matriarch narcissist is the mother. I’m going through this right now. She came out and told me she is only concerned about her son and not me. As an empath that hurt but I didn’t let her know that. After 9 years of marriage I’m done with that family. 👍🏾
Good for you! Its the only solution.
Same and the matriarch is the mom and he is my soon to be ex husband
There is nothing like “empath”. It doesnt exist. Its nonsense 😉
@Your. I could never see what he saw in that crazy vicious rotten old witch! aka his mother.
Been there did that they can have my ex husband back in a beautiful box and bow. There were his wife not me.
My ex & his entire narcissistic family are definitely a cult that enables each other no matter what. But at the same time,they seem to dislike each other🤷🏽♀️.
Exactly they keep secrets and hate each other secretly too. If you find out, and confront, man , you have had it. You are the evil that came in the family to destroy their peace and unity. Hahaha
Agree. That is so weird. I hope he does a video on that
They're all fake fake fake
I agree his family even abandoned him when he was younger because he didn’t behave the way his father wanted and sent him all over the world to Europe to become a man and now they want him to go back because 12 years later they think they were right and he has learned this lesson, but I guess he is a covert narc Who took a lot of loans to impress them and live support life in Europe
Narcissists can despise their enabling family of origin while simultaneously being loyal to the enmeshment based on their learned need for supply at any cost.
Exactly.
OMG 😲 This describes my narcissist mother in law and husband. I too have always felt like an outsider. Grateful to be getting a divorce soon...
Good for you
As a narcissist myself, i would like to add a seventh (and a very important) reason: the narcissist wants his family's wealth, or atleast a share of it.
By the very definition of what a narcissist is,you have disqualified yourself by saying that you're a narcissist. A real one is incapable of self realization 🎉😂
@@carynmartin6053with all due respect, that is absolutely false. There are self-aware narcissists, like Dr. Sam Vaknin, a professor of psychology and diagnosed with NPD, who also discusses narcissistic abuse on YT and has written numerous books. Another self-aware and diagnosed NP is Ben Taylor, founder of Raw Motivations, who through years of continued counseling, began the journey of discovering his true self, not the false self created by the NP. He coaches narcissistic abuse survivors, much like this channel's author. I could name plenty more is necessary, so don't ever assume that because most narcissist will not admit what they are, that there are others who don't become aware and are willing to admit and do the work, that's failed logic. They may be a small number, but it does and has happened.
Yup! I experienced every single one. Even more
THESE ARE MY IN-LAWS!!! 19 INSANE, TORMENTOUS YEARS!! ON MY WAY OUT!! 😫😩
I am living this as well. He would claim to have “talked to them,” but I saw no change. In fact things would get worse and he would echo them on different occasions. In fact on all important occasions such as childbirth, birthdays, Anniversaries, they created chaos in some form, and when I pointed it out, I was called ungrateful because I was supposed to ignore it and appreciate the material things that was gifted to me.
@@Suchitra99 this exactly, except, he NEVER EVER stood up for me, EVER. He actually threw me to the hungry wolves every single time
Same. We asked father in law to co-sign on a loan …. He took that as a welcome and NEVER LEFT! Abusive verbally to my kids, treats us all like dirt, hates my family out of jealous competition and wants us isolated … he’s weird . And he hovers . I have NO free space. I want out of this marriage because it’s no longer me and my husband . It’s me and his dad and my husband . And my views get shut down . I get insulted if I try to stand up for myself.
@@LeGeND-12 my life except it’s my MIL! My NARCBAND’s father left her when my NARC-BAND was 16. She’s a demon!!!
I didn't know what I was marrying into. My husband was already married to his mother (enmeshment) as she called the shots to our wedding. Year after year he chose her say over mine. And if I called him out on his behavior, he'd go running to his parents, where they all painted me as the bad guy. I left with our kids after 5 years, and his family danced on his misery, telling him to divorce me so they could look and feel better than him. After seeing his family's true colors, my husband repented, begged for us back, and now he just silently mopes at home because he has no one to go running as a "victim" to anymore. And he refuses therapy because he doesn't want to believe that he and his family aren't prefect. They're all still narcissistic, and I'm indifferent now.
This is my mom. She would never admit it, but she cares so much more about her parents, siblings, neices/nephews than her own kids. Staying in her family cult & maintaining her "reputation" amongst them will always be her top priority. She goes to them to complain about her kids & plays victim about being mistreated by us, when really she causes most of the problems.
A great description " cult"
This belonging to the "inner circle" is what has allways bothered me. Why am I allways excluded? As I haven't allways been aware how the world works I have been in a very dark place and have thaught that there is something wrong with me. But no. Now I've come to realize there is actually something wrong with the people in the "inner circle" of a group.
Oh all of them are real and so true,I kept on wondering why would these people slander and critisize each other but they had their backs still sticking together,what a twisted world😢
They a type of people. And get much worse when you cut that tie. Ugly.
This is an real explanation of family works together to destroy or manipulate other for their goal. Learn all about this and paying for, it
Actually, most of the narcissists I’m thinking of didn’t respect their family or parents at all and/or they had a rough upbringing and that’s what made them narcissistic. They acquire this mentality like “if they do me wrong, I’ll just give them a dose of their own medicine”, like they fight fire with fire instead of water. Silence speaks much louder than words sometimes. Nothing feels more liberating than blocking, deleting, remove any/all flying monkeys, and moving on- without them.
They don't respect them but they stay together anyways
Luke 12:53 NLT
Father will be divided against son and son against father; mother against daughter and daughter against mother; and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.
@@Themis419 How a narcissistic family function doesn't make sense to the normal, average individual. It's a pathology because it doesn't make sense. They'd save face in front of strangers and the public. They'd feed each other's egos but they are also each other's biggest critic and naysayer. They don't really have genuine connection and affection for each other. What they do is all out of duty and obligation and perpetuate the toxicity for some inexplicable reason. It'll make anyone crazy.
@@redefinedliving5974 the trauma bond
My ex malignant narcissist would always spend time with his family, more than with me and our children. I got used with being alone from early morning till late evening. I told him he was busier than a doctor even tho he did not have a job.
He would always come to me and gossip about his family and friends and I would not care, after being so tired from the kids.
He chose his family and I chose my girls ❤
I'm very happy with my choice!
Thank you, Danish 😊❤❤❤
My idiot ex created tons of chaos for me with my own family and my own family has ostracized me.
Major hell, anxiety, isolation, rumination.
My mother tore our whole family of fifty sixty people up. So enjoyed our pain. She stayed loyal to her nucleus family. She fooled her church friends. She died and now none of us have each other because she was so cunning and so good at her evil craft that most of them believed her whining and lying and manipulations. I am trying to heal a lifetime of her going behind my back and lying about me. Even writing letters to a man I divorced ten years earlier, she stopped at nothing.
Im amazed at how you get it right with every single video. You are always spot on and this is what makes this channel popular and authentic.
So true..me too think the same
Totally relate to this. Their family are their flying money's and they will support them no matter what. Even when the narcissist is doing wrong they will not correct them but they will support their delusions
My parents moved 3 hours away to live near my adult "golden child" sisrer, and I resented it because I had just bought a townhouse a block away from them and was happy to be finally able to spend more time visiting them. My father's strange comment made no sense to me when, after several years, he told me, the "lost child," he was forgetting that I exxist since I hadn't visited them in a long time. Looking back, I suppose that was a plea for more contact, but at the time he said it, I felt so discarded. And perhaps I was. I see the sickness of the family system now that I only felt the consequences of while I was living in it.
@victoryamartin9773…..Which is why I will NEVER move just to be near a son and the grandchildren that I’ve never seen yet. I used to get along with him spectacularly all of his life…..even after his first marriage. But after he divorced and got with his ‘common-law’ wife and had two children with her (she is a welfare mama and has three older children…), she has his brain so twisted now, it’s hard to talk on the phone without one of them accusing me of things that she attributes to her own mother as doing, and they pick fights with me. He even told me that I was a narcissist! I looked into this more, as I am always trying to learn from my own mistakes, but as it turns out, it is the two of them that are the freaking narcissists! (She also has him into drinking alcohol now….something that he used to be against, because of all of the alcoholic ahole relatives on my side of the family….I am the only one that doesn’t drink).
They called me near the end of last February, and started calling me names and told me that I was being a victim. I told them that I am nobody’s victim, and to quit labelling me….I also told them that I don’t want to go through this yet again, and I tried to politely beg off the phone….then my son would quickly tone down the abuse…..only for the two of them to start ratcheting it up again…..and I said that I wasn’t going to do this……so he backed down again. This kept going up and down until the call was over. It was so frustrating. They are using the children as pawns. What they don’t realize, is that I am so allergic to abuse, that when I move from where I am now living, I am not basing where to move to next, on being by my grandchildren.
I’ve already cried the tears for years, over not having my grandchildren in my life…..if that’s the way it has to be, then I’ve made my peace with it…..and I will not live by them JUST to be near the grandchildren, after all of the screaming, abusive phone calls that I’ve had to endure with my son and his ‘common-law’ wife. She seems to thrive on the ‘drama’ that she creates, and has gotten him into playing her game. He used to be able to see through this kind of behaviour in others, so I’m confused as to why he is doing it now?
Maybe the drinking has clouded his judgement? And now that there are his children involved, he is probably playing along in order to not lose them? She has been known to kick other men to the curb after having their children…..so she has a ‘pattern’. She is getting too old now to have anymore however, so she’s more inclined to stay with my son than if she were still younger. But still, I think he stays for the children. Yet at the same time, he complained that the oldest son of hers, gets upset when my son and she starts drinking, because he doesn’t like how they act. Her oldest son is autistic. I’ve talked with him on the phone…..he’s high-functioning, but yes, he is kind of like Forrest Gump. Sweet kid, and I can’t blame him for wanting to leave the room (or house), when they start drinking. People who drink think that they are acting okay….when in reality, they are aholes. My son begs to differ…..but I think he has been drinking when he picks fights on the phone……and we used to get along reeeally well!
The. Whole family lies in secrets. They will try to protect each other by supporting and enabling
They will say things to you that astonish you and boggle the mind but it reveals exactly what they are about.
After years of abuse and getting out successfully...
Mother in law bitterly says to me, " He supported you!!!! "
😮
In other words, how dare you be happy and independent.
.
Problem is
I worked, he left, was abusive and was still being supported by HER
😢
They only see what they want to see.
Guilt tripping is a constant even to the point of using blatant lies to rationalize their own abuse to you.
You are right, you will always be the outsider to people like this.
They do not like competition.
🙏
My siblings and my Dad...like a little cult led by my narc Mom! I am a traumatised scapegoat but still prefer my life than being part of the cult!
I haven't even started watching the video yet ,but just reading the title was enough reason for me to validate this. 22 years of marriage and my malignant, covert narcissistic husband is unbelievably loyal and the "perfect,good , well behaved son" to his parents.
From my observations of out-laws, those kinds of narcs like to keep Everything.... In the family. Enmeshed is a repulsive visual.
They suffer from Stockholm syndrome. My narcissistic brother can't get enough of his abusive mother. He's so stuck to her he'll never get away.
My daughters dad, a 50 yo retired cop, still calls his parents "mommy" and "daddy". Im NOT joking!
Same here, but my narc is 48 y o.
Mine lives in his childhood home with his mother. He lives on one side, she lives on the other. She had a major stroke and he’s been taking care of her for nearly a decade; he took me along for the ride without asking if it was one I’d like to take. Now, before you say how can he be a narcissist? He gave up his life to care for his mother…she’s a cash cow. He makes over 6 figures just to be home sleeping in his house because he’s “taking care of her.” He has caretakers during the waking hours. He uses her name to get loans, credit cards, you name it. He essentially has the borrowing power of 2 people because he is her power of attorney. Their names are on everything together, down to his Netflix account. He has acted as a husband would if she had had one when she had her stroke. Ironically she spent her life counseling women to help get them out of abusive relationships, her stroke left her without speech, and her son is a toxic, abusive narcissist.
They do not do ANYTHING unless they benefit from it in some way.
7:06 i have seen everything you have mentioned in narcspouse's fam. Horrific, stultifying, unctuous and nauseating only scratches that miserable surface...
His mother is the 'man of the house'. They were never really accepting or friendly to me, not even to greet me if we met for eating out. And that was at the beginning. I had never met anyone in my life who treated me this way. I blamed it on their Southeastern Asian home. They only associate with other people from their particular country. But I did not know about narcissism. Through your help I understand it all. Everything you mentioned I can see in them. It's a whole thing, I cannot pick out one particular thing that stands out. Thank you so much.
wow so true! i lived in this insanity with my husband's family.
There is a thing about stray dogs...
If any outsider comes in dogs territory then they band together and bite it off and atlast the outsider runs away ..but in actual the dogs are always fighting with each other ..all the time conflicts..
Narcissists are just like WILD DOGS..fighting each other but if we marry them then they start biting us collectively..
Some people are blind to the fact we have become part of their family. Instead according to some of their relatives in extended family we will always be only a stranger they have to cope with. Only a stranger who is sometimes trying to care for the infant whom they wanting to adopt for themselves. Sometimes after the narcissists immediate family members pressured us to start having children with the narcissist.
All of them are true. The most important thing is they collectively abuse me
Eventhough they are geographically in different locations they are well connected.
My ex was really ill and I was taking care of him in the town I stay. Running from home to the hospital every day and when things got worse because he wasn't taking care of himself. He wanted to go to another hospital and while in the ambulance I asked if I should come. He said No as his brother would be there. Honestly I took his BS for 12 years only to realise that for him family was everything and I was just a support system.
So I walked away from him and his family and no looking back and no regrets.
Very true ..My narc Ex is very loyal to his brother and mom..Mom is master narc, then her sons follows her..
Hello Danish , first of all I would like to thank you for everything you do . I learned so many things from all of your download episodes. I'm married for a narcissist for 42 + years and only then i recognized it after I watched you. Now I know how to ignore him and etc ,etc . I have more peace now more ever than before. And when I'm hearing this episodes I laugh bc that's exactly my husband's family does they' re indeed a cult.
So much so that they won’t even watch this video to educate themselves about what narcissism is
After all the bull shit you WILL end up GIVING UP
Now i understand when he said his family can vouch for his honesty and integrity.
What a toxic bunch they must be.
I survived the narcissistic cult of my ex-husband's mother and sister. It got even worse when my ex father in law died 7 years ago. I have been out for 6 years now...and I'm co-parenting our 11 year old daughter with all of the cult members. It is a nightmare.
1) They might inherit some money. 2) Erm, no that's it...
All six.. I don't think anyone who's married would exclude any of it.
Wow. I've never known a family like my ex husband's family, yet you describe them to a t! I wish I had have known all this 20 years ago... I could see something was very wrong there but I couldn't understand it.
I saw them express all six of your points! It shocks me that this is so common.
All six! I used to think holy cow what did I do? Then realized it was the queen bee and her drones with the exception of my hubby who is the scapegoat.
What a mess! LOL LOL So bad they're. So much dysfunctions. I can see all these in my immediate family. The way Danish explains makes so much sense. Thanks for helping millions of people we need help.
Oh wow
What a revelation
If I saw this years ago
It would spare me pain
The loyalty of my partner to his parents
Was wicked
They also played him with his bond
They knew how to target me
All of them. My husband is a narc through and through. Found out about two years ago that he has been bad mouthing me for years with his mother. We were married for 19yrs.
OMG! This is spot on my mother, is obsessed with her siblings and her dad whom she doesn’t talk to… when her sister was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, my mother was beyond upset. My mother almost took the news harder than her sister did. Fast forward a few years later, and I am diagnosed with cancer. I received one phone call from my mother. It was fairly short, and overall she didn’t seem too concerned. I’m just grateful I have my husband and my son that were there for me throughout the entire journey.
Needless to say, I have zero contact with that woman.
Each others extensions and have no individuality..
This is exactly my husband. He always want to have this image of being fair, compassionate, kind, and helpful but completely the opposite for me. I feel like I cannot have someone to rely on. He doesn't care about me or our family. He blames me and accused me of being sensitive and being the problem to all my sufferings from his family. Until now, that we are 16 years together as a family, and we are still living together with his parents and siblings. He said it would only take 2-5 years maximum and we would be able to have our own house. Until now, it is still the same situation as 16 years ago. It's hard to leave especially when you already have kids. I'm just nothing here and I've been practicing gray rocking for several years already just to avoid drama especially when he/they trigger me.
Number four really hit home for me-- even though I am included in family events, I am ignored not just by my partner but everyone. They might come over and ask me how I'm doing but that's it. So I find that I am invited but I'm not welcomed.
They have give and take relations in their family. I mean transactional, fully conditional relations. It's never love but huge trauma bonded within them. But when we fall for any relation with them they attack like a hyena pack.
My narcissistic ex would go out with his family on the weekends “for a free meal.” They would go to dinner. His family would always pay. I felt so guilty because I wasn’t raised that way. I wouldn’t go. He would just say I wasn’t grateful. I was more than grateful, I just didn’t want to take advantage and have them pay. I am really struggling with everything. This is just another thing on the list.
Absolutely 💯 i was always out of the door i have never fit in his family thanks God i am free thanks Danish God bless you i can now recognise the red flags
Best video ever - finally I get to understand the system.
I had to laugh so badly, 'cause it had freed my mind.
Once my ex father in law had asked me:
"Are you sure you want to be part of the bulwark Smith?
Because I don't take any BS - like gossip in town!"
He controls the whole town and everything in that town.
My son remained there after separation and when he screws up
his father gets mad at him, because he will be in trouble with HIS parents.
That system is so unutterably horrifying and so hard to leave if you are
caught up in it.
How is a child suppose to see it, if an adult can't see it!?
O my God my hus is doing exactly what you said .he will do all dirty things & abuse physically and emotionally then soon after he calls his elder brother and tells whatever he did that all he put on my head.
So right! I found this out the hard way....50 years with these horrible people. 😢
Sir I am watching from Bangladesh.My narcissistic wife has divorced me.She didn't have sympathy.God bless you discussing this topics.Now I am totally healed after seen this video.
Do you know my ex-wife and her family?! Holy crap brother - you could not have described my story and lived experience more accurately... Thank you so much for the clarity, clarification, and validation. Appreciate you more than you know
I have had all those experiences and it took me months of deep understanding to come to all these conclusions .. but your video here explaims it all .
My mother and her sisters always tortured me mentally and humiliated in every possible ways. It's true
this reminds me of the time when I was in a friend group where I was always met with snarky comments and physical assaults from a single person. when i confronted her behaviour with other people in the friend group, they all just brushed away my concerns and told me that I was being too sensitive and "its how she is being friendly with you". the worst part is I believed their lies and continued to be in contact with them.
with a phone call to the head narc of the group later, I now realize she was a narcissist and that bully who physically assaulted me was her flying monkey.(wasted my precious time trying to be friends with them..ugh!! )
the same is with my sister and mother who team up to criticize me whenevr they have the chance. they also never invite me to anything. and believe me when I say their conversations are so stunted. each person is not willing to listen to the other one, and they are both speaking their seperate tales.
I am happy to share that I no longer deal with these people's bullshit anymore and they are no longer an active part of my life.
Thank you Danish. You said it beautifully.... And every word was accurate.
I experienced all of the above. When I started noticing things, I was bowled over. I became confused and started questioning my own sanity. There was gaslighting, manipulation, outcasting of a family member who did not tow the line. Unbelievable. I have experienced this in varying degrees in my life, but that situation was the end. NEVER, EVER AGAIN WILL I ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN TO ME, AGAIN. I WISH TO LIVE IN PEACE WITH MYSELF. Love and Light💕🕯️
So true and they make you look like the problem of course. I was mocked, I was made to feel like I was a bad parent, like I had no idea what I was doing, like I wasn’t assertive enough or just like them basically. The ex and their Mom caused some mind fuckery for me for a while when it came to my own parenting which was MY daughter who is not even related to them. They felt they could because they were “above” me. I will never forget how I was treated. It’s not fun but it created a strong independent woman. And I’ve never lost my compassion or love for people. These connections will break you down to the point where you want to die. You completely lose your identity and soul!! Soul sucking for sure but recovery is possible. I am stronger and wiser because of this experience. So thank you ❤️
Everything you said resonates with me. Every single word! Thanks for teaching us, because understanding their behaviour helps to heal and cope with it ❤
A 5 Star 🌟 lesson thank you....
All of them 13:10
Yes they would stick up for each other if anyone who was not a blood relative questioned their vile behaviour..they are like a cult..they close ranks against other people..
Narcissists need to have a family. Because it is their only and true connection to ‘who they are’. The history of their family and their membership of, or part in, this history proofs their existence. It defines who they are, and that is something they need desperately, because they don’t know who they are, since they have abandoned their soul at a very young age…. Sooooooo sad 😢
I am the brave and strong survivor.
Driving sikhi, monetary mazboot kiya, circle badhya( kyunki circle zero the)
Now enjoying my life
Just sharing my story.
And I don’t want to be called victim.
Thanks
My ex-boyfriend and his mother's story. Exactly this. But, even when the parents criticised their son, it was so mild, that it made no impact on his behaviour.
Excellent analysis. You described perfectly my mother and her family and my husband and his family. Bee hives of toxicity and psychological derangement. My children and I no longer have any contact with these psychotic people.
My narcissist, ex-wife had a bizarre relationship with her alcoholic mother. Her mother had raised her to think that she was a genius above everyone else, but also was very critical of her. Mother-in-law visits were stressful to the ex because she routinely received criticism about lack of development, changing for the better. All came to a head when mom convinced daughter to seek a divorce, which when consummated, my ex regretted greatly (not because she loved me or the kids, but because she lost financially). She then criticized her mother who then prompted shot herself as a final act of control.
Oh, my! NOW I understand why my narc mother is so emmeshed with my narc grandmother. I never quite understood my mother's need to always pander to my grandma's nonsense. It's a cult- and thankfully, I am no longer a part of it. Praise G-d!
I am now understanding little by little my confusion…I can’t believe his whole family are this kind of people…I can’t wait to get out of here coz they isolated me in our gated community house the fact that they know that I don’t drive…He moved out with his mother and live in the other house and took our daughter too…I think they are using our daughter as a tool so they can keep me…Now I don’t know what to do coz I don’t know what their next plan…Totally no contact doesn’t work for me because we are sharing custody…I’m still looking for answers and I feel so alone 😢😢😢I’m so glad found your channel 🙏🏻 🙏🏻🙏🏻
EXCELLENT VIDEO!❤💯❤
Absolute truth...omg...u just nailed it Mr.Danish...Thank u..
💯💯 they stick together
You are so exactly spot on how my narc ex and her family on her mother’s side function.
It’s almost frightening how spot on you are. Or is it so that all narcs almost following the same pattern regardless on country, culture or religion? As global template.
Thank you for this. I have tried to explain this family dynamic to my son about his wife's family and her behavior toward him. I sent him the link. I hope he hears your message. So far, he has not heard his dad and I about this.
Danish Thank you so much for helping us to know about narcissism and their devilism
THANK YOU SO MUCH SIR ❤MUCH LOVE IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS
Thank you these narc videos have saved my life. I’m grateful you and others who are so well versed and articulate about this mess of dealing with narcs
Yes make sure they keep the birthday card and Christmas card coming every year. Even they are not talking , very rarely . Maybe by mistakes sometimes.parents are gone only brothers left .
Same… but im sure the same toxic family would be the first one to betray the narcissists… because they see them as objects… empaths are a gift from god to narcs but they abuse empaths and stay loyal to their toxic family only to get betrayed at the end… karma served…
Your knowledge about narcissism is very impressive! I had the same shit with my ex wife family and i 100% agree with Ur impressions about.
My gosh!! Everything I was feeling and was thinking was spot on!! Thank you so much for this video!!
Wow that was so insightful. Thank you This was extremely helpful
Felt every word to my core. Thank you Danish. Sending you a hug for this video. 🧡
Exactly 💯. Reason no-6 is the ultimate truth!
True words i have seen many of these traits ..
My narcissist dad is loyal to his girlfriend, instead of me(adult daughter).
Thank You, You are right on~if I ever need to have a one on one discussion I will contact you. You really understand how this dynamic
affect a family system. I married into this system and divorced eventually.
Thank you🪶👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Everything resonating....going through this situation from 14 years
This is pure gold!
You keep describing things about my mom that I didn't know were common symptoms
All of them. Brilliant explanation