No one is ever so busy that they can't send a text or have a quick phone call at least once a day. A man will ALWAYS find time for you when he is interested in you. A week without contact is ridiculous. In a whole week he can't manage to contact you? Miss me with that. I think this man is too busy to start something new with someone else, but you will tolerate him neglecting you. I disagree about rewarding men for the tiny bit of effort that they put in. If it's not enough it's not enough.
You said that! The same could be said of parents who can't find the time to call, text, write or visit their kids. Unacceptable! You don't treat the people who you claim you care about like that. He's got her hanging on and using his business as a guise. She needs to move on and find someone else who can meet her needs.
I don't know about leaving so abruptly (response to comments below), but I think that a week is ridiculous. It takes 10 seconds to send a text. It makes me question what he's actually doing with all of his time. I would express the fact that I need more time with him, suggest BG's suggestions and evaluate his reaction. If he shuts it down, then he wants to be in contact only when he chooses. No commitments or expectations for anyone to randomly drop by etc.
I was this girl! When I was 19 I started dating at man who was 30 and he just finished his master's and getting into his respective field. A few months after starting his career he would go days, a week, then weeks without responding to my texts and calls. I decided bc this man was "good" that I should be patient while he sowed his seeds in his career. Well eventually after 3 years of off and on I found out he was indeed sowing his seeds...in another woman. He was honestly a horrible man but because he looked good on paper (and because I loved him) I would dismiss every red flag (a lot of other things happened). My point is, not every man who looks good on paper is worth the time. And if he values time, he would know to also spend it on you! I mean really, while you're taking a dump you can't send a text? Surely time for a bowel movement should mean your worth more than sh*t. I say keep him in your back pocket and date around, further your career, enjoy your life. Cheers!
there is a saying If Jay Z can make time for Beyonce & Barack can make time for Michelle you guys have no excuse to be too busy for your girl and thats what i believe.
I'm not sure about this one BG. Going a whole week without talking to his girl is highly suspicious! No man will go a whole week without talking to a woman he's interested in.
Yes you made a good point about meeting a man half way if he is busy and babying his new business but if a man is really into you, he will at least text once or twice a day. Not a call or text message for a week is a red flag in my opinion. If she has to force things at the beginning, even if relationship develops I doubt she will feel confident in the relationship because of the man's lack of effort to date her at the beginning..
I disagree to an extent simply because I am dating someone who is starting his business and he still makes the time for me. You shouldn't have to beg someone for their time. People make time for who and what they truly want. I understand him having potential for financial stability but its just potential with no personal effort to make time for a relationship. A day should not pass without any form of communication. It takes 3 seconds to send a text message.
Michelle Williams say that. I'm dealing w/this now. I'm getting to know this guy, and I haven't heard from him in 2 days. Even though he is in a difficult business , like u said, we make time for what we want to, and it only takes a sec 2 send a text. If I don't hear from him by Friday, I'm out!
Ok...so just because this man is business driven and successful it makes him a good man? What does his success have to do with the condition of his heart in relationships? I didn't hear her say how he is courting her and making time for her in addition to him being successful. I want someone to reply to me and tell me what makes them think he is a good man besides the fact that he's an entrepreneur. Also trust me..you want a man that will make time for you.
If this man is busy trying to build his life together with his business, I don't see how he's the bad guy in this. He's not getting women pregnant and not taking care of his children. He's busy taking care of his life and his goals, which should be a man's first priority before he starts taking care of anybody. I too think that the woman needs to chill and start helping out on keeping the courtship together. Don't you lose this man acting like this, sister!
He is not bad per se for trying to build his life together with his business, but he is "bad" for expecting to get her without having to court her. 1 week without any contact at all doesn't look like he's courting her. Would you tell a girl you're interested in "Look girl, I'm really into you, but I'm just too busy to court you. But I still expect you to be mine while I'm working at my life goals. So could you please take care of the courtship and keep it all together?"
BronzeGoddess01 I feel like something is missing, but not sure what. It sounds like something *else* isn't sitting quite right with her, something beyond him just being busy and out of touch. Perhaps the way it ended the first time still leaves a lil' salty taste with her, or she senses he's not "all" in. Intuition is a powerful thing. It may not be that he's a "bad" guy per se, but even the high-powered, busiest of men *make* time for their love interest. A whole week incommunicado is okay for a casual acquaintance, but seems like an orange or coral flag (not red but a bit of a flag) if actually *pursuing* a relationship don't ya think? Meeting him half-way is reasonable, but this sounds like only one side would really be into the "negotiations". Considering the losers in most letters, I think many of us are eager to cut this one some slack but as Keith Sweat sang: Somethin' Somethin, Somethin, Somethin juust aint riiiiight!
It seems that many of us woman find excuses for the "loser" no good guys we meet but when we have a decent man we look for reasons to cut him loose? I wonder why that happens so often?
I don't quite get why some of you make her out to be a princess and shoot her down for even considering that he might NOT be a catch. Just because a man works hard and doesn't cheat doesn't automatically make him a great catch. That should be normal! (And who cares if or how many women would want him? That doesn't validate him as catch either cuz even the worst types of men have some women running after them.) Also she didn't complain that he doesn't wanna meet her everyday or even every week. She said there's NO CONTACT AT ALL for one week, which means she'd probably be fine with just a text once a week. I agree with BG about meeting a man half-way who already walked his "half of the way" and showed effort. But I don't think that's the case for this situation, cuz he didn't even bother yet to text her while he's taking a sh** or before he goes to sleep at night! I don't see how that counts as him pursuing her. It seems more like he's trying to skip that courtship phase and get her "on the go" or "on discount" by just contacting her maybe every second week. I also believe in "what you see is what you get" and "how you get them is how you keep them". She deserves to be courted right and if he doesn't even carb out enough time for a text once a week, chances are he'll always expect her to be ok with coming second.
I actually agree with this. I was in a situationship where the dude I was seeing was super busy and said sometimes he doesn't even talk to friends and fam for weeks at a time. Him and I are both in the music industry so I was understanding. So I wouldn't hear from this guy for days and a week+ at times. When we did see each other he was kind, caring, respectful and seemed like an amazing guy to me. But lo and behold I didn't hear from him for a while and found out on instagram he was seeing someone else and straight ghosted me, so I think the no talking for a week is a REDDDD FLAGGG lol speaking from a heartbreaking experience :(
Kinda disagree on this one BG. I think she may sense something isn't quite right. She seems cautious and no doubt its for a reason. 'Busy' is the excuse people give when they aren't prioritising someone/something. Also why should she 'ask him' to do this, do that, take her here and there. If he's starting a business (I'll assume) he has a couple of brain cells to run together. He'd see her if he wanted to. Great vid all the same and your hair is gorgeous!! :)
My father has his own business and still works a 9-5 job and still manages to call my mother AT LEAST twice a day, because he loves her above all else. I think that you should bring this up to him if it is really bothering you and if he doesnt step up to the plate with at least one text a day like you want maybe you should let him go. I agree with bronzegoddess as well but i think deep down you will know what his priorities are and if he really wants you.
Ok BG here's my belly button lol.... This time I DISAGREE!!! Yea he is a budding entrepreneur but an entire week without a call is EXTREME! You make time for what is IMPORTANT! My husband risked his military career because he snuck home to see me. You have 5 min to call me or 15 to meet up for coffee. He has potential yes, I think she should proceed with caution because I think he has a red flag waving. He wants her to be an option not a priority. Sorry we disagreed, I know we'll agree again lol
I am binge watching your letters. I love your videos. I had to adjust because a lot of advice videos on CZcams are so soft spoken and you are blunt! I like it lol! P.S you are UBER beautiful!
I'm a have to disagree. I understand the works of starting a business but not calling her for a whole week is suspect to me. If someone is into you, they will make some time for you whether it be 5 minutes out the day. I don't believe somebody's life could be so busy that they don't have a minute to spare.
I totally disagree, a man will make time for a woman he truly wants. You said it yourself your husband worked & went to school but still made time for you. There's 24 hours in a day, you mean to tell me she can't get 1 chile please baby girl drop that chicken dinner and you get you a winner !
Don't assume that he knows how to treat a woman he's genuinely interested in just because he's in this early thirties. These guys get away w/ all sorts of bogus behavior. It's up to you to show him what you find unacceptable. Let him know what he can do to make you feel not - so - neglected cause going whole weeks w/ no contact = no bueno. Doesn't sound like a bad guy... maybe just a bit clueless so give him a hint. If he doesn't deliver - then he's just not the right guy for you right now.
Love your videos! I don't know if I can agree with this one, I was in a similar position with my ex. He was a hard working, good looking, ambitious man which is why I stayed with him so long because I knew men like him in my age group (I'm 20 he's 22) we're rare. I helped him with his uni work and helped him find work after he graduated. He even said I was the best girlfriend he's ever had hands down because I stayed loyal to him and do you know how he shows his appreciation? By doing nothing and his excuse was "I'm busy". No one is TOO busy. You're not too busy to eat, you're never too busy to go toilet, you're never too busy to sleep so why too busy to send a text? Constantly letting me down, cancelling dates, didn't go anywhere.... Didn't look out for me as his woman cos he was married to his career. Now how is that fair? Why awaken a woman's love if you have zero time for it? If you're gonna get into a relationship as a busy man At least learn how to juggle love life and work life.
Exactly This happened to me too! I know this is years late haha but I recently was in this situation and he ended up ghosting for someone else while I didnt hear from him for days and a week+. Lack of communication of any sort to me is a red flag, I learned my lesson from my experience
There's always a compromise & she shouldn't be the only one finding them. If she keeps letting a week slide it'll soon turn into 2 weeks nc. Don't ignore your instincts b/c he's an entrepreneur; that's only his career, it doesn't speak for how he'll treat you. Even after business is established it still needs nurturing, people balance what they consider priorities and she doesnt seem to be one to him.
She's not sure if he's a catch or not. My vote is...absolutely! Can their issues be easily resolved or should she just call it quits? I'd love to hear your response. Watch this video and let me know what you think.
I would say yes he's catch. He's trying to build a better life, and still working to have her in his life at the same time. I have known some guys, who kick their relationship to the curb because they wanted their career more.
He is a catch but you are not ! What do you have to offer to a handsome Men with a job ? What lady ? Not much ....All single mothers are losers ! Your kids are always in jail !
Did anyone else catch the age gap? 19 and 29? So I'm assuming 22 and 32 now? Yes, women mature faster than men but when it comes to stages in life sometimes it does indeed matter. She might be more prone to notice his lack of presence or attention because she may not (I'm assuming) have the same responsibilities he may have. There is a difference between being 20 and dating someone who is 30 and being 30 and dating someone who is 40. Another thing, since his age was mentioned, I'm a little skeptical when she says "get his stuff together." In the letter she only mentioned him starting a business but I'm wondering if she omitted that maybe he is not stable. Hmmmm. If instability at 32 is not the issue (I'm assuming), then I totally agree with you BG! Work with him.
I do think that the age difference is playing a role in here. Like she said she is an "old soul" and quite mature for her age but often we feel a lot more grown up than we are (especially since people LOVE to say that women mature more quickly then men.) So maybe she has different desires for the relationship. Another thing that I didn't get was how they broke up because he started a business. There seems to be more than meets the eye.
I disagree for a lot of reasons. 1) a man will not take time off from a woman he may have taken time off from her but trust and believe he was not alone on that "time off", 2) how old is she? And he is 32 at that age gap there is wayy too many things that they already don't have in common, she shouldn't go visit him at his office how about she takes time to really figure out her career figure out what she wants to do with her life after college and figure out does she even wanna stay in that state? Area? It's refreshing for the guy to be interested but she needs to do her no matter how mature she may feel they are already on different playing fields sorry but I highly disagree
Things to consider: 1.What is his business? ? 2.How is he so busy that he cant have a six min phone call with her everyday? -men go HARD for what/ who they want 3. Is he stable? -lets not despise small beginnings but he's not still living at home with mama is he ?
I like how you described your husband. He knew his situation but he made the EFFORT to be romantic. Park dates, spoken word, coffee... it doesn't take much to show you care. Nice to hear there are still men around like this.
Ladies please understand that only broke men have time to be in your face day and night. Any man that's about his business (career and/or business) will NOT have that kind if time. .... And to be honest, neither should you.
Exactly! Imagine how happy he would be if he felt like she really supported him. Anybody will want him once he's already made it but it takes a special kind of woman to get in there and help him make it. If she let's him go he won't be single long. I bet you that.
I agree with you BG...she needs to stop tripping lol....the man is starting his own business and trying to make a good life for himself and his future, if she happens to be the one for him she will be set up for life so instead of complaining how he doesn't have much time for him she needs to work around it...my brother is exactly like this, he has his own business, which is fairly new but very successful and does not plan on getting married anytime soon because he wants to make sure he is fully financially stable or at least comfortable enough to support a family. He has a girlfriend who is extremely understanding, he may hardly ever have time to spend with her but she comes over his house a few nights during the week and makes them a nice dinner for them to just spend even an hour together before he goes to bed. Because she does this for him he feels bad and always tries to do sweet things like surprise her at work during her lunch break once in a while and when he decides to take time off from work he takes her to beautiful resorts. So instead of being overly needy and expecting this man to be stuck to her ass all the time she needs to meet him halfway and also be a bit more understanding and supportive. I can bet you if she continues to trip she will loose this man and he will marry the next one. My brother's ex girlfriend left him when he was just starting his business because he didn't have enough time for her but now she's always trying to play stupid games to get him back but he is not having it. He even told me he was really inlove with his ex but he can't stand a selfish woman and his current girlfriend he says is his support system and he calls her the perfect Michelle to his Obama lol so I can guarantee in 1 year she will be my sister-in-law.
I think he is a catch but it also takes 2 to make a thing go right. She doesn't know his schedule & I think that communication & effort is the Key 2 a successful relationship. He Should be making her feel at ease by letting her know look I can spend time with u on this day & so on and so on.
I'm a bit iffy with this one... she needs to focus on herself more... with the age difference she is young... she needs to figure out what she wants... I don't think he is a bad guy but I do however think that his focus is just on that business and until he is where he wants to be she will constantly fight for time. I do believe if a man wants to make time for you he will!
You know often times we as women become so accustomed to the "no good guys" so when we get a good guy or a decent guy we try to FIND something to make it at least kinda imperfect... we don't want it "too good to be true"... We miss that "comfort zone" of the players or the emotional abusers b/c we have gotten so used to that happening that it seems uncomfortable and not normal to have someone who cares and is doing right. we are like ok so what is wrong with you let's investigate this.. You said it right BG..."A man is going to marry you when he is ready to." A man has to be secure within himself . I learned this from experience. I didn't understand why my husband wouldn't marry me and fully commit to me before he actually did. He kept saying money this or job that. And im like dude, we been together all this time without all of that , but until he was comfortable with what he was doing he wouldn't put my ring on it ! Now...let me tell how you sound Mrs. Strawberry Letter...you sound very selfish. This is why.... what you want is not wrong at all.. It's nothing wrong at all with wanting time and attention. I was the same way with my husband and whomever else i dated, but as i grew up and became more mature i had to let my man be a man and i had to be the woman. I was so caught up in look i'll do this and that long as you love me, be faithful to me, and care for me ultimately. But in the long run you realize it's so much more to a relationship and a man than that. He is trying to get his business up and going. And me being a real woman honey...my question wouldn't be so much as what about me when will we have time. I mean yes it'll b a concern but my first question would be. Aye look ummmm..you need some help? Lol. Cuz as my Pastor says often, "Sometimes you have to see it before you can see it." Meaning you have to have faith and be secure within yourself to know that this will be worth it in the end. Once his business gets to running... if you can stick by his side and you all make that connection on a romantic level and work out for the right reasons then im sure you will not have complaints with time being spent later in life. Shoot you might be like bay don't you need to go check on the business lol.. just to have a lil time alone! I mean im realizing now that im married that a lil alone time is not bad at all.. my husband works 2 jobs and he's in the army.. So not only is he gone 6am-3pm and 5pm-11pm Mon-Fri...he's sometimes gone on the weekend at drill or for 2 weeks at a time with the army. But when he is around it makes the time so much more meaningful. so don't complain about what's right... get on board and help out! Make a way and put forth effort as well. im done..! GodBless..
"that it seems uncomfortable and not normal to have someone who cares and is doing right" Doing right includes making time for what is important to you. Going for one week without even a text doesn't seem like caring for me. It might be okay once you're already in a relationship or married but not during dating/courtship phase.
***** no that is not ok. You're absolutely right. I was going in reference to the whole "he's not cheating " line and such. To me, a relationship and a good man means a whole lot more than "he's not cheating " and often times i hear that so much from women that it irritates me as if cheating is the only possible way your relationship is lacking. As if, it's an excuse for a man to b lacking in another aspect. Ad if it's an excuse we've doctored our minds to believe that as long as that man isn't cheating....everything else is ok, everything else goes. Spending time, shooting an "im thinking about you" text a short phone call..anything are all things that mean something to me b/c it simply shows he cares and is interested. If my husband was in duty (he's in army ) and gone and he didn't call me r text when he could. That wouldn't sit well with me. So im agreeing totally but i was putting that particular line pertaining to the convo at hand. And i still feel she should talk to him about it and if it doesn't change. Make a decision.
Yes he's a catch! Even though she stated she's 22 and wise beyond her years, there may be others in her ear that do not see the full picture of this man's potential and that is why she is apprehensive. Girl, you better get that man before someone else see's what a good catch he is! This is a workable solution as BG stated, you can get through this.
I watched this video twice trying to figure out what makes this guy so bad?? I'm also not clear on why they broke up the first time, she seemed to leave some details out. But EITHER WAY, I love the advice you gave BG. He does NOT sound like a bad guy! I would totally work with a guy like this.
Would you be willing to work with a guy who doesn't even bother to send you a text once a week, while you're in the courtship phase? This guy doesn't even bother to be one week without contact.That doesn't look like pursuing to me.
A week with no callback??? Idk abt this one. My mother always said a man makes time for what he wants. We dont know from the letter if he has kids or not. I say fall back and when he is ready he will make time. Dont let him go just fall back.
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them! At the end of the day he is an entrepreneur who has shown her that work comes first! I wouldn't say that she should cut him off completely, but since she is skeptical about him because of the way things ended last time/ him not having enough time for her she needs to take her feelings into consideration a lot more than she has. I wouldn't say that he is playing her or doesn't want to be with her because he is willing to set aside some 'sex free' free time for her and has acknowledged the past. She is considerably younger than him and he may have more time for her as his business grows depending on his situation. I think it's up to her to decide if she is willing to come second to his work!
I think she should simply let him know what she wants... "I think you're great but I only want to be in a relationship that is headed in 'this" direction... I want "this" in a relationship, I don't want "that". Maybe we could just be friends until you're ready." He should understand that if he's not able to give her what she needs, that she's okay being by herself until someone wants to step all the way up to the plate... But that would need to be TRUE for her first lol. He may be a catch but he's not the last man left in the world. If he's so great but she's not happy, SOMETHING is wrong... Maybe it's her... ?
If he is too busy to talk to you in over a week he is too busy for a relationship! A relationship needs time and effort and if you are caught up in your own business, nothing is wrong with that but don’t look for a part time girlfriend
She doesn't like him for real and is making excuses to leave the situation even though she knows it's a foolish decision to make. If he was a loser with no job he would have all the time in the world. Find you a bum and buy him a playstation, some weed and a ferret and you can have him at your beckon call like a dog. Then write another SL complaining about the dog you have.
I am sort of going through the same thing with a guy I've been dating, but I can see he's trying so I don't make a big deal out of it. Whenever he has the free time he wants to spend it with me. If she knows she a girl who would rather have a guy who's already established in his career goals, then maybe she should find someone else, but I do think she will regret it because he definitely seems like a catch. She has to appreciate all that he's trying to do or she needs to move on.
Its not like hes trying to set up a date and she doesn't wanna go but being in a relationship whilst starting a business is extremely difficult and most of the time you don't even have time for a relationship. A man that wont even call you during the week is not a catch at all. He could at least call cause it didn't seem to me as if he was tryna fit her in at all. I think they both need to tell eachother what exactly they want from the relationship and what the both of them can do to make it work.
A great women would respect herself enough to not sell herself short and be ok with just getting crumbs. Why should she put in the effort to "work with him" if he didn't even put in effort to send her a text once a week?
I totally agree with you BG because of my situation I go to school during the day full time and work at night full time sometimes because I'm tired I do forget things like texting or calling ppl back. If I was in his position I would want someone to work with me if we're dating to plan dates around my schedule or even get upset if I don't call or txt for a couple of days but that's just my opinion and my outlook cause I'm in similar situation
I agree BG, he is pursuing her maybe not the best but he is trying. In that week why didn't she call him? Surprise him like you mentioned. A lot of times we women are the ones that be ego tripping, waiting for our fairy tales. It's real life, boo, things aren't always perfect.
Meeting a man halfway is a great idea, but him not contacting her for an entire week sounds fishy. Also, the age gap is too big. At some point he'll yearn for more adult conversation and mental stimulation.
Idk about this one. A week is a long time. What really confuses me is why she left him in the beginning when he was first starting the business, but all of a sudden wants him now that the business has started? Hmmm.
I do agree with you. It does take time and a lot of focus to build a business however he should also consider to include her and make time for her if he is truly serious about the relationship.
FYI: I wrote my first comment before I read the rest of the letter. Ladies, we need to meet men halfway. Stop with the princess complex. Get off your throne and do some work too.
She's trippin. Some women feel like the man should be already established and well off so she could just come in and be an accessory. Nope. He sounds like a good man to me. Great potential
I agree he may be a catch in the sense that he seems to be a hard-working man but as you have said before, a man will MAKE the time for what/whom he's interested in. It seems incredibly unreasonable to me that he cannot find 5 minutes in 7 days just to say 'howdy?'Another thing I'm skeptical about is the reason they broke up to begin with. The writer mentioned something about him being 'a changed man',my question is in what way? What is it that he has changed from?? I just think this guy is far from ready to commit and probably has someone that he does make time to get with.
I agree. I think if she cared enough she wouldn't let a week go by without contacting him. Communication is a two way street he shouldn't have to initiate conversation every time. Also I don't think I mind him taking "time off" cause she probably acted so uninterested in the first place. I don't think it's fair to expect a man to run you down. You have to reciprocate.
I think he definitely sounds better than most of the men in other SL's that come through! And it seems like it's something worth working on. The writer doesn't talk about what she's done so far to try to rectify the situation. I think he seems like he's trying to do what's right and possibly doesn't realize how much distance he creates by not contacting her for a week. But I have to agree with some of the other ladies below...A WEEK?! That gets the side eye from me. I'd like to give the guy the benefit of the doubt but that just seems off. People make time for exactly what they wanna make time for. While he may legitimately be working, if he is truly that busy, a serious relationship may not be the best option for him at this time. I hope that the writer has (or will now) be having a conversation with him to let him know of her concerns. If he takes steps in the right direction to make things better, then I think that would make the case for him even more. Finally, while I do feel women need to meet men halfway, etc., there's a fine line between that and making excuses for them.
inspired984 so many people in this modern age want instant gratification and they don't want to take the time or sacrifice necessary to build something for the future that will last.
Anthony Brian Logan Not sure if you were agreeing with me or not, but I agree with what you said :) I've worked really hard to get where I am career-wise and admire others who do the same, and ultimately that's the kind of person I want to be with. I give the guy in the letter a lot of credit for being an entrepreneur; I can only imagine the challenges that presents. My point was just that he needs to put in work in the relationship, and so does she. I don't think we have enough detail to 100% say whether he's a catch or not, but I do think it sounds like he's got potential. If she's indeed doing her part to make the relationship work (and I do think some of BG's suggestions are great if she isn't), then what she has presented about him is NOT enough in my opinion. If he can't make the time for her (on the drive home, hit her up; as he's lying in bed about to go to sleep, hit her up...etc.), then I feel he should focus on his career. On the flip side, if he's not even aware that his behavior is bothering her, how will he know he needs to change? Or if she's just sitting home sulking because he's not making time for her, I don't feel sorry for that. So as with any relationship, communication is key. I'm extremely busy (usually working 12 hour days at least 5 days a week) and I make time for everybody and every thing (CZcams included haha) I want...because they matter to me. (Wow, I'm long-winded lol. Have a great day!)
There is a huge age gap between the two of these people and perhaps that is why it is so difficult for them to get it together. This woman first met this man at an age when most real men are working hard at setting up a future, yet she was still in her teens and tasting a certain level of freedom in college for the first time. There is a big gulf in life experience between them and their individual expectations are very different because of it. He probably felt that she had potential, because of her "old soul" personality that's why she remained in his mind. He may have been able to see the future in her when she couldn't see it in him. He is indeed a 'catch' and if I were 25 I would be very interested in him for myself, lol. It is important for her to grow up now. Be forthright and ask the man if he is interested in pursuing a relationship on a more regular basis and then, as BG says..."Meet him half way".
You can go a week without a text saying "Sorry Ive been MIA..Been really busy, but im always thinking about you."? He's not a "bad" guy per se, but he's lazy at courting, and obviously not worried that some other dude might come along and give her attention while he cant send a quick text/phonecall? If we're talking about a married couple, ok. But at the dating stage? Take neglect now and low effort, what incentive does hw have to give more effort if she contines to be so available. Its not impossible to spare time while running a business...if a guys wants you, he'll appreciate juggling his time...and the woman, seeing that effort, will appreciate it immensely.
She need to let him go. She is 22, let her find a guy who is on the same age/stage as she is,who will probably have more time on their hands and less responsibility. She need to give his number to some these grown females who send in SL's about giving their all to a man who gives them dust.
Girl I love your SL letters but I gotta disagree with this one based on my experience... My ex bf was a handsome intelligent older guy who had his own business.. and let me tell you it wasn't a good experience.. (a good lesson though). I was supportive and understanding but I realized that he was putting his business 1st and didn't care about my concerns and feelings. It was all about his business, his schedule and he believed that I just had to deal with it and wait till he has some free time for me. Every woman wants attention from her man and feel like he cares about her so there is no point to be in a relationship where you feel lonely and neglected. The guy in the video can go a week without contacting her so obviously you can see where she stands in his priority list. Hope you understand where I am coming from. Love your videos! xxo
I can somehwat relate to this SL. I have a guy friend who's admited to liking me, and I like him too but things never really went beyond friendship or an offical relationship/dating. This guy is 11 years my senior and im 24. He is VERY busy because he to works during the day and over night. My issue with him was the fact that he'd be ok with having sex with me/making out but wouldn't want to actually hang out or go out on dates. this dude would insist on "hanging out" at his crib, even on many occations I've told him NO. I did it once, and shame on me, we didn't go as far as to doing the do but it did lead to temptation. My issue with this guy is I feel that he wants his cake and wants to eat it too. I feel like im flexible to a point to understand a mans hustles, and preperation for the future, whatever that means. But I do feel that even if you work 60 hours a week, and can go on social media and post pictures, It really doesnt take long to send a short text to someone that you are interested in. Personally some people are just not ready for the next step/commitment. Life is short and time is of value. Why waste time, emotions, and investing feelings when it just seems like the person isnt even willing to meet you half way as well? who puts in the extra effort?? I personally wouldn't settle for less, and how long is someone gonna have to WAIT before the other person can get their life togehter
I agree with this one. There have been plenty of times before me & my guy got together when we didn't speak for days on end because our schedules just didn't work out. But when we had down time we made time for each other. I understand her fears, but I think he's a catch. If he was ignoring her on purpose or being a dirt bag toward her, then she should move on. But I guess to each her own.
I feel she left out too many details. However, nobody says to marry him...date him for a while and see if the situation is doable for the both of you. Sounds like to me he's got a life and you do too, as the both of you should. Its not the time yet for "two to become one." I'm sorry but as women we are so quick to put "the one" label on every guy before we even check out the scene. Let this guy know what you expect and if it doesn't work out keep it moving.
I think he is a catch he is doing something with his life and at the end of the day it benefits both they both have a life but they can be powerful together
It's not sure that his business will benefit both cuz he isn't his wife yet. He still can get other women once he gets more money and he'll have even more options the more money he earns. Even if she ends up being his wife, it might benefit her financially but it's not sure if it will benefit their relationship when his job comes always first and he'll never has time
If her only problem is that he is trying to establish his business then I don't see where he is a bad guy? What kind of man does she want? I think he is a catch.
I do think that she can meet him half way. If my man was starting his own business I would meet him half way because I know he's trying to do something. I agree with you on that. This man is a catch and if she lets him go she will regret it.
I think he seems like a nice guy, but she may not be ready to settle down yet. She's a lot younger than him and she may just want to date casually. It doesn't seem like she has the patience to wait and work with him to figure out how they can make a relationship work. She shouldn't force it if the relationship isn't working for her now. Eventually she may feel like she's sacrificing too much and she may become resentful.
I know some people that were together for like 10 years and it was long distance and they barely talked but they were both very busy one with business the other with residency so I think that the girl should get her a little more busy. Just be understanding. Maybe knowing when he is free next and schedule a date in the future so you don't feel so much like you need a text everyday.
BG it would be great to hear responses back from some of the girls u've advised, especially if they did take your advice......would be great to know how their relationship s are going. kind of like an update. great advice by the way. luv u.
Great video BG!!!! I agree with you 1000% Honey work with this brother please. If you don't you may regret it. He really sounds like a great guy. Nobody's perfect but this one sounds pretty close :) If it doesn't work out at least you can say you tried. Don't pass up the chance to have a great relationship because things aren't perfect now. It will never be perfect. Go get your man girl!!!!!
Why does she have to ask? Any man who likes you will voluntarily make an effort. I've been in a similar situation. Gurrrrl!! Take it from me, this man is not that into you. Move on. Being an entrepreneur doesn't automatically make u a catch.
Some of my sisters need to start thinking outside of the box and stop watching these Lifetime romance movies and having unrealistic expectations of men and dating today! I agree with BG when she says that this sounds like a good man. He's working towards something and the writer needs to acknowledge that and bring something to the table in terms of meeting up in places that aren't the usual cinema/restaurant/club dates. So he doesn't call or text for a week? And? She says she's an old soul but she comes across as immature and insecure to be honest. She will lose him to another woman who is able to see the potential that she is blind to.
I have to say that this girl has fooled herself into thinking that she is wise beyond her years. She clearly is not and has alot of growing up to do. You were right to explicitly state that the man is trying to build a life for himself and maybe her if he chooses to marry her, but she clearly cannot see that. She' wants too much attention for no real reason. If I was him, i would watch her carefully and if she carries on being demanding of my time with no real benefit from the interaction, I would cut her out of my life, because she's a distraction. She should go get on with the life she says she has. And grow up too.
I think she expects him to be further or wants an already made man and I'm honestly not mad at her especially considering he's 32. He started this business 3 years ago and I understand that everything happens at its own pace but I also think that maybe there's something about him we don't know. 3 years and he still seems to be at scratch? I know it's hard out here but maybe she's just looking for a guy who can keep up with her pace (I'd be skeptical too if a guy 10 years my senior was still figuring things out). Also, it sounds like she's used to seeing bum men and is super on guard about the guys we usually hear about in these SLs so maybe she's over-shooting it.
I'm a college graduate, gainfully employed and in my late 30s and I'm still trying to figure things out. This thing called life is not that simple. There are so many roads to take, so many obstacles and reroutes in life, if I expected to be a certain place at a certain time in my life I'd be miserable. You can have a plan but also be prepared for change.
writeserengeti13 Of course, but if you were dating a guy 10 years your senior, wouldn't you be a little hesitant or even scared that he still didn't have a grasp on things? Not just the career or money but he hasn't even figured out how to balance career and personal re where where she says sometimes a week goes by without him contacting her. We definitely don't know the full story and maybe I'm reading too much into little details but it seems to me that whilst this guy has good intentions (re starting the business) he might just be a little more scattered than we think ie. just isn't there yet. I know people are encouraging her to stick through it but it's not everyone you hussle with that you reap with. If her gut is telling her no then it might be on to something in my opinion.
she better hold on to him, b/c he's a great catch (he's trying to better himself FINANCIALLY). he's NOT trying to sit home. he's not trying to live off of her money.
I don't think I ever seen this SL. Since some time has passed, do you have an update on this couple? I want to know if she took your advice or walked away....
The majority of these modern day women are absolutely fools who cannot see past today. Lady you are right he is not for you. He deserves way better. Let him go so he can meet someone who deserves him. Every serious goal driven dude like myself has met tons of women like this. Yet these are the same women who will yell on the top of the highest mountain that there are no good men around. SMH!
Let's keep it real. A whole week without any contact at all, this isn't about being too busy, this is about not being willing to put any effort into this. If you had a chance to date Beyonce, would you not find the time to text her at least once a week, no matter how busy you are? Would you expect her to be already yours without having to pursue her just because you are a goal driven man?
She can make her voice heard about her needs. To men we operate differently and can easily overlook things women don't take for granted. However leaving a guy who has ambition because he is too busy for you........ then they end up with one who they take care of and still don't get the attention they desire.
You're talking from a standpoint where the woman is already yours. I was refering to the initial stage of getting to know each other when you show interest in a woman but she isn't yet convinced of you. Therefore she doesn't have the need for your attention (yet) because she's still thinking whether she's interested in getting to know you, if you don't have time anyway. "then they end up with one who they take care of and still don't get the attention they desire." Only true for women who have no other options! If you walked up to (single) Beyonce and told her "Look girl, I'm interested in you, but I'm too busy to pursue you, because I have ambition for my business" she would say "Okay, that's fine, good luck with that!". She wouldn't bother you to give her attention, but instead you'd simply miss out on her because, since she has many suitors, she'd simply move on to an ambitious man who's also ambitious enough to pursue her and convince her of him. Once she's already won over, she will accept "no contact" for a longer period of time.
This is a case of someone who has played your SL playlist one time too many and has ran to other extreme of the equation. If you don't want to be with a lazy, no ambition having, unable to provide and flat out broke man you have to learn to work with a busy man. He is 100% a catch. Working on building a strong foundation to support a growing and maturing relationship!?! Child chee. Also if she has presented this as an issue to her, he probably thinks they have an understanding of his busy schedule and what he is trying to do. Once she brings it to his attention, based on what seems to be the consistency of his character, I'm sure he'll work with her too. For those saying that 3 years into a business is a short time and he should be more established by now, you obviously don't own a business or work for yourself. It is beyond HARD. Many people spend the first five years getting their business on foot. Cut him a break. 32 is not a bad age to get your life together and he obviously started earlier, but it takes time for things to manifest.
Just because he's not lazy and has ambition concerning his business does not excuse him to be lazy towards pursuing her. 1 week without any contact, not even a text when he's on the toilet or before he sleeps at night.theres no excuse for that, thats lazy & not caring enough, not being "too busy"
***** I said if she presents it as an issue to him, he would more than likely be willing to do that. I've been in his shoes and its harder than most people realize. They need to work together. Why should it be all on him to contact her? She didn't say that she text him and he ignored her, or he isn't returning her calls but I'm done with the situation. Understanding goes a long way. The truth is we don't know either of these people and all the circumstances. I think they will be fine with some communication, and since she is the one with the issue, she can initiate the conversation.
I'm wondering if there's info she failed to mention. She might be waiting for his business to flourish or maybe she doesn't believe in the business he's trying to set up. Or she simply doesn't understand that relationships require work and sometimes we as women need to bring the romance too. Doesn't sound like there's a true issue with him, really, unless there's more to the story.
No one is ever so busy that they can't send a text or have a quick phone call at least once a day. A man will ALWAYS find time for you when he is interested in you. A week without contact is ridiculous. In a whole week he can't manage to contact you? Miss me with that. I think this man is too busy to start something new with someone else, but you will tolerate him neglecting you. I disagree about rewarding men for the tiny bit of effort that they put in. If it's not enough it's not enough.
Preach I totally agree!! Never lower your standards!
You said that! The same could be said of parents who can't find the time to call, text, write or visit their kids. Unacceptable! You don't treat the people who you claim you care about like that. He's got her hanging on and using his business as a guise. She needs to move on and find someone else who can meet her needs.
Completely agree!!
I don't know about leaving so abruptly (response to comments below), but I think that a week is ridiculous. It takes 10 seconds to send a text. It makes me question what he's actually doing with all of his time. I would express the fact that I need more time with him, suggest BG's suggestions and evaluate his reaction. If he shuts it down, then he wants to be in contact only when he chooses. No commitments or expectations for anyone to randomly drop by etc.
I agree with you 100% love
I was this girl! When I was 19 I started dating at man who was 30 and he just finished his master's and getting into his respective field. A few months after starting his career he would go days, a week, then weeks without responding to my texts and calls. I decided bc this man was "good" that I should be patient while he sowed his seeds in his career. Well eventually after 3 years of off and on I found out he was indeed sowing his seeds...in another woman. He was honestly a horrible man but because he looked good on paper (and because I loved him) I would dismiss every red flag (a lot of other things happened). My point is, not every man who looks good on paper is worth the time. And if he values time, he would know to also spend it on you! I mean really, while you're taking a dump you can't send a text? Surely time for a bowel movement should mean your worth more than sh*t. I say keep him in your back pocket and date around, further your career, enjoy your life. Cheers!
there is a saying If Jay Z can make time for Beyonce & Barack can make time for Michelle you guys have no excuse to be too busy for your girl and thats what i believe.
LOL nice one!
Absolutely
I'm not sure about this one BG. Going a whole week without talking to his girl is highly suspicious! No man will go a whole week without talking to a woman he's interested in.
Yes you made a good point about meeting a man half way if he is busy and babying his new business but if a man is really into you, he will at least text once or twice a day. Not a call or text message for a week is a red flag in my opinion. If she has to force things at the beginning, even if relationship develops I doubt she will feel confident in the relationship because of the man's lack of effort to date her at the beginning..
I agree!
I disagree to an extent simply because I am dating someone who is starting his business and he still makes the time for me. You shouldn't have to beg someone for their time. People make time for who and what they truly want. I understand him having potential for financial stability but its just potential with no personal effort to make time for a relationship. A day should not pass without any form of communication. It takes 3 seconds to send a text message.
Michelle Williams say that. I'm dealing w/this now. I'm getting to know this guy, and I haven't heard from him in 2 days. Even though he is in a difficult business , like u said, we make time for what we want to, and it only takes a sec 2 send a text. If I don't hear from him by Friday, I'm out!
Ok...so just because this man is business driven and successful it makes him a good man? What does his success have to do with the condition of his heart in relationships? I didn't hear her say how he is courting her and making time for her in addition to him being successful. I want someone to reply to me and tell me what makes them think he is a good man besides the fact that he's an entrepreneur. Also trust me..you want a man that will make time for you.
If this man is busy trying to build his life together with his business, I don't see how he's the bad guy in this. He's not getting women pregnant and not taking care of his children. He's busy taking care of his life and his goals, which should be a man's first priority before he starts taking care of anybody. I too think that the woman needs to chill and start helping out on keeping the courtship together. Don't you lose this man acting like this, sister!
He is not bad per se for trying to build his life together with his business, but he is "bad" for expecting to get her without having to court her.
1 week without any contact at all doesn't look like he's courting her.
Would you tell a girl you're interested in "Look girl, I'm really into you, but I'm just too busy to court you. But I still expect you to be mine while I'm working at my life goals. So could you please take care of the courtship and keep it all together?"
*****
Right on!
BronzeGoddess01 I feel like something is missing, but not sure what. It sounds like something *else* isn't sitting quite right with her, something beyond him just being busy and out of touch. Perhaps the way it ended the first time still leaves a lil' salty taste with her, or she senses he's not "all" in. Intuition is a powerful thing. It may not be that he's a "bad" guy per se, but even the high-powered, busiest of men *make* time for their love interest. A whole week incommunicado is okay for a casual acquaintance, but seems like an orange or coral flag (not red but a bit of a flag) if actually *pursuing* a relationship don't ya think? Meeting him half-way is reasonable, but this sounds like only one side would really be into the "negotiations". Considering the losers in most letters, I think many of us are eager to cut this one some slack but as Keith Sweat sang: Somethin' Somethin, Somethin, Somethin juust aint riiiiight!
It seems that many of us woman find excuses for the "loser" no good guys we meet but when we have a decent man we look for reasons to cut him loose? I wonder why that happens so often?
I don't quite get why some of you make her out to be a princess and shoot her down for even considering that he might NOT be a catch. Just because a man works hard and doesn't cheat doesn't automatically make him a great catch. That should be normal! (And who cares if or how many women would want him? That doesn't validate him as catch either cuz even the worst types of men have some women running after them.) Also she didn't complain that he doesn't wanna meet her everyday or even every week. She said there's NO CONTACT AT ALL for one week, which means she'd probably be fine with just a text once a week.
I agree with BG about meeting a man half-way who already walked his "half of the way" and showed effort. But I don't think that's the case for this situation, cuz he didn't even bother yet to text her while he's taking a sh** or before he goes to sleep at night! I don't see how that counts as him pursuing her. It seems more like he's trying to skip that courtship phase and get her "on the go" or "on discount" by just contacting her maybe every second week.
I also believe in "what you see is what you get" and "how you get them is how you keep them". She deserves to be courted right and if he doesn't even carb out enough time for a text once a week, chances are he'll always expect her to be ok with coming second.
ThisAndThat4All yess
I actually agree with this. I was in a situationship where the dude I was seeing was super busy and said sometimes he doesn't even talk to friends and fam for weeks at a time. Him and I are both in the music industry so I was understanding. So I wouldn't hear from this guy for days and a week+ at times. When we did see each other he was kind, caring, respectful and seemed like an amazing guy to me. But lo and behold I didn't hear from him for a while and found out on instagram he was seeing someone else and straight ghosted me, so I think the no talking for a week is a REDDDD FLAGGG lol speaking from a heartbreaking experience :(
Kinda disagree on this one BG. I think she may sense something isn't quite right. She seems cautious and no doubt its for a reason. 'Busy' is the excuse people give when they aren't prioritising someone/something. Also why should she 'ask him' to do this, do that, take her here and there. If he's starting a business (I'll assume) he has a couple of brain cells to run together. He'd see her if he wanted to.
Great vid all the same and your hair is gorgeous!! :)
true!
My father has his own business and still works a 9-5 job and still manages to call my mother AT LEAST twice a day, because he loves her above all else. I think that you should bring this up to him if it is really bothering you and if he doesnt step up to the plate with at least one text a day like you want maybe you should let him go. I agree with bronzegoddess as well but i think deep down you will know what his priorities are and if he really wants you.
Ok BG here's my belly button lol.... This time I DISAGREE!!! Yea he is a budding entrepreneur but an entire week without a call is EXTREME! You make time for what is IMPORTANT! My husband risked his military career because he snuck home to see me. You have 5 min to call me or 15 to meet up for coffee. He has potential yes, I think she should proceed with caution because I think he has a red flag waving. He wants her to be an option not a priority. Sorry we disagreed, I know we'll agree again lol
MsLadytray girl when I first started dating my now husband he would sneak off at his job just to call me. We were long distance at the time too.
I am binge watching your letters. I love your videos. I had to adjust because a lot of advice videos on CZcams are so soft spoken and you are blunt! I like it lol! P.S you are UBER beautiful!
WhereFashionMatters Thank you so much! So glad you're enjoying the videos.
I'm a have to disagree. I understand the works of starting a business but not calling her for a whole week is suspect to me. If someone is into you, they will make some time for you whether it be 5 minutes out the day. I don't believe somebody's life could be so busy that they don't have a minute to spare.
I don't know if I agree with this one. It's hard to believe that this guy doesn't have 5-10 minutes to call her in a week's time.
I agree with that but it didn't sound like she was calling him either.
I totally disagree, a man will make time for a woman he truly wants. You said it yourself your husband worked & went to school but still made time for you. There's 24 hours in a day, you mean to tell me she can't get 1 chile please baby girl drop that chicken dinner and you get you a winner !
LOOOOOOL that last sentence cracked me up!! xD xD xD
I thought the same this thing lol, but your words were so much funnier. Especially in th e initial stages.
"Unicorns, rainbows and glitter" Now that was funny. LOL.
Don't assume that he knows how to treat a woman he's genuinely interested in just because he's in this early thirties. These guys get away w/ all sorts of bogus behavior. It's up to you to show him what you find unacceptable. Let him know what he can do to make you feel not - so - neglected cause going whole weeks w/ no contact = no bueno. Doesn't sound like a bad guy... maybe just a bit clueless so give him a hint. If he doesn't deliver - then he's just not the right guy for you right now.
Love your videos!
I don't know if I can agree with this one, I was in a similar position with my ex. He was a hard working, good looking, ambitious man which is why I stayed with him so long because I knew men like him in my age group (I'm 20 he's 22) we're rare. I helped him with his uni work and helped him find work after he graduated. He even said I was the best girlfriend he's ever had hands down because I stayed loyal to him and do you know how he shows his appreciation? By doing nothing and his excuse was "I'm busy". No one is TOO busy. You're not too busy to eat, you're never too busy to go toilet, you're never too busy to sleep so why too busy to send a text? Constantly letting me down, cancelling dates, didn't go anywhere.... Didn't look out for me as his woman cos he was married to his career. Now how is that fair? Why awaken a woman's love if you have zero time for it? If you're gonna get into a relationship as a busy man At least learn how to juggle love life and work life.
true!
that is a good point I guess as a woman you just have to decide whats best for you
naturallybronzed xo are you from the uk
Exactly This happened to me too! I know this is years late haha but I recently was in this situation and he ended up ghosting for someone else while I didnt hear from him for days and a week+. Lack of communication of any sort to me is a red flag, I learned my lesson from my experience
There's always a compromise & she shouldn't be the only one finding them. If she keeps letting a week slide it'll soon turn into 2 weeks nc. Don't ignore your instincts b/c he's an entrepreneur; that's only his career, it doesn't speak for how he'll treat you. Even after business is established it still needs nurturing, people balance what they consider priorities and she doesnt seem to be one to him.
She's not sure if he's a catch or not. My vote is...absolutely! Can their issues be easily resolved or should she just call it quits? I'd love to hear your response. Watch this video and let me know what you think.
I would say yes he's catch. He's trying to build a better life, and still working to have her in his life at the same time. I have known some guys, who kick their relationship to the curb because they wanted their career more.
BronzeGoddess01 Hey BG, do you have a Facebook?
Honestly, her age is showing through at this point. She's not being a team player at all. She needs to get her life together
He is a catch but you are not ! What do you have to offer to a handsome Men with a job ? What lady ? Not much ....All single mothers are losers ! Your kids are always in jail !
Did anyone else catch the age gap? 19 and 29? So I'm assuming 22 and 32 now? Yes, women mature faster than men but when it comes to stages in life sometimes it does indeed matter. She might be more prone to notice his lack of presence or attention because she may not (I'm assuming) have the same responsibilities he may have. There is a difference between being 20 and dating someone who is 30 and being 30 and dating someone who is 40. Another thing, since his age was mentioned, I'm a little skeptical when she says "get his stuff together." In the letter she only mentioned him starting a business but I'm wondering if she omitted that maybe he is not stable. Hmmmm. If instability at 32 is not the issue (I'm assuming), then I totally agree with you BG! Work with him.
I do think that the age difference is playing a role in here. Like she said she is an "old soul" and quite mature for her age but often we feel a lot more grown up than we are (especially since people LOVE to say that women mature more quickly then men.) So maybe she has different desires for the relationship. Another thing that I didn't get was how they broke up because he started a business. There seems to be more than meets the eye.
I disagree for a lot of reasons. 1) a man will not take time off from a woman he may have taken time off from her but trust and believe he was not alone on that "time off", 2) how old is she? And he is 32 at that age gap there is wayy too many things that they already don't have in common, she shouldn't go visit him at his office how about she takes time to really figure out her career figure out what she wants to do with her life after college and figure out does she even wanna stay in that state? Area? It's refreshing for the guy to be interested but she needs to do her no matter how mature she may feel they are already on different playing fields sorry but I highly disagree
Yup and he would communicate his intentions. .. he's a grown man and he's keeping his options open
Things to consider:
1.What is his business? ?
2.How is he so busy that he cant have a six min phone call with her everyday?
-men go HARD for what/ who they want
3. Is he stable?
-lets not despise small beginnings but he's not still living at home with mama is he ?
I think this definitely needs a follow up letter!! x
I agree with you 100% she will be a fool to let him go. She just needs express her issues that she have to him. He sound like a good man.
I like how you described your husband. He knew his situation but he made the EFFORT to be romantic. Park dates, spoken word, coffee... it doesn't take much to show you care. Nice to hear there are still men around like this.
Ladies please understand that only broke men have time to be in your face day and night. Any man that's about his business (career and/or business) will NOT have that kind if time. .... And to be honest, neither should you.
maybe in her free time she can try helping him at his business
Exactly! Imagine how happy he would be if he felt like she really supported him. Anybody will want him once he's already made it but it takes a special kind of woman to get in there and help him make it. If she let's him go he won't be single long. I bet you that.
I agree with you BG...she needs to stop tripping lol....the man is starting his own business and trying to make a good life for himself and his future, if she happens to be the one for him she will be set up for life so instead of complaining how he doesn't have much time for him she needs to work around it...my brother is exactly like this, he has his own business, which is fairly new but very successful and does not plan on getting married anytime soon because he wants to make sure he is fully financially stable or at least comfortable enough to support a family. He has a girlfriend who is extremely understanding, he may hardly ever have time to spend with her but she comes over his house a few nights during the week and makes them a nice dinner for them to just spend even an hour together before he goes to bed. Because she does this for him he feels bad and always tries to do sweet things like surprise her at work during her lunch break once in a while and when he decides to take time off from work he takes her to beautiful resorts. So instead of being overly needy and expecting this man to be stuck to her ass all the time she needs to meet him halfway and also be a bit more understanding and supportive. I can bet you if she continues to trip she will loose this man and he will marry the next one. My brother's ex girlfriend left him when he was just starting his business because he didn't have enough time for her but now she's always trying to play stupid games to get him back but he is not having it. He even told me he was really inlove with his ex but he can't stand a selfish woman and his current girlfriend he says is his support system and he calls her the perfect Michelle to his Obama lol so I can guarantee in 1 year she will be my sister-in-law.
Omg, when are u gonna get your own radio station? or atleast an app so i can get a daily dose of your advise and your knowledge..
I know or podcast or something would be awesome!
Yes BG you should consider doing this
PODCAST!!! YES!!!!
THIS!!^^^ I would soooo tune in!
I think he is a catch but it also takes 2 to make a thing go right. She doesn't know his schedule & I think that communication & effort is the Key 2 a successful relationship. He Should be making her feel at ease by letting her know look I can spend time with u on this day & so on and so on.
I'm a bit iffy with this one... she needs to focus on herself more... with the age difference she is young... she needs to figure out what she wants... I don't think he is a bad guy but I do however think that his focus is just on that business and until he is where he wants to be she will constantly fight for time. I do believe if a man wants to make time for you he will!
You know often times we as women become so accustomed to the "no good guys" so when we get a good guy or a decent guy we try to FIND something to make it at least kinda imperfect... we don't want it "too good to be true"... We miss that "comfort zone" of the players or the emotional abusers b/c we have gotten so used to that happening that it seems uncomfortable and not normal to have someone who cares and is doing right. we are like ok so what is wrong with you let's investigate this..
You said it right BG..."A man is going to marry you when he is ready to." A man has to be secure within himself . I learned this from experience. I didn't understand why my husband wouldn't marry me and fully commit to me before he actually did. He kept saying money this or job that. And im like dude, we been together all this time without all of that , but until he was comfortable with what he was doing he wouldn't put my ring on it !
Now...let me tell how you sound Mrs. Strawberry Letter...you sound very selfish. This is why.... what you want is not wrong at all.. It's nothing wrong at all with wanting time and attention. I was the same way with my husband and whomever else i dated, but as i grew up and became more mature i had to let my man be a man and i had to be the woman. I was so caught up in look i'll do this and that long as you love me, be faithful to me, and care for me ultimately. But in the long run you realize it's so much more to a relationship and a man than that. He is trying to get his business up and going. And me being a real woman honey...my question wouldn't be so much as what about me when will we have time. I mean yes it'll b a concern but my first question would be. Aye look ummmm..you need some help? Lol. Cuz as my Pastor says often, "Sometimes you have to see it before you can see it." Meaning you have to have faith and be secure within yourself to know that this will be worth it in the end. Once his business gets to running... if you can stick by his side and you all make that connection on a romantic level and work out for the right reasons then im sure you will not have complaints with time being spent later in life. Shoot you might be like bay don't you need to go check on the business lol.. just to have a lil time alone! I mean im realizing now that im married that a lil alone time is not bad at all.. my husband works 2 jobs and he's in the army.. So not only is he gone 6am-3pm and 5pm-11pm Mon-Fri...he's sometimes gone on the weekend at drill or for 2 weeks at a time with the army. But when he is around it makes the time so much more meaningful. so don't complain about what's right... get on board and help out! Make a way and put forth effort as well. im done..! GodBless..
"that it seems uncomfortable and not normal to have someone who cares and is doing right" Doing right includes making time for what is important to you. Going for one week without even a text doesn't seem like caring for me. It might be okay once you're already in a relationship or married but not during dating/courtship phase.
***** no that is not ok. You're absolutely right. I was going in reference to the whole "he's not cheating " line and such. To me, a relationship and a good man means a whole lot more than "he's not cheating " and often times i hear that so much from women that it irritates me as if cheating is the only possible way your relationship is lacking. As if, it's an excuse for a man to b lacking in another aspect. Ad if it's an excuse we've doctored our minds to believe that as long as that man isn't cheating....everything else is ok, everything else goes. Spending time, shooting an "im thinking about you" text a short phone call..anything are all things that mean something to me b/c it simply shows he cares and is interested. If my husband was in duty (he's in army ) and gone and he didn't call me r text when he could. That wouldn't sit well with me. So im agreeing totally but i was putting that particular line pertaining to the convo at hand. And i still feel she should talk to him about it and if it doesn't change. Make a decision.
Yes he's a catch! Even though she stated she's 22 and wise beyond her years, there may be others in her ear that do not see the full picture of this man's potential and that is why she is apprehensive. Girl, you better get that man before someone else see's what a good catch he is! This is a workable solution as BG stated, you can get through this.
He can at least text or call.... A week?!? Really?!?
I watched this video twice trying to figure out what makes this guy so bad?? I'm also not clear on why they broke up the first time, she seemed to leave some details out. But EITHER WAY, I love the advice you gave BG. He does NOT sound like a bad guy! I would totally work with a guy like this.
Would you be willing to work with a guy who doesn't even bother to send you a text once a week, while you're in the courtship phase? This guy doesn't even bother to be one week without contact.That doesn't look like pursuing to me.
A week with no callback??? Idk abt this one. My mother always said a man makes time for what he wants. We dont know from the letter if he has kids or not. I say fall back and when he is ready he will make time. Dont let him go just fall back.
They may have different love languages she needs to let him know hers. And find out his
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them! At the end of the day he is an entrepreneur who has shown her that work comes first! I wouldn't say that she should cut him off completely, but since she is skeptical about him because of the way things ended last time/ him not having enough time for her she needs to take her feelings into consideration a lot more than she has. I wouldn't say that he is playing her or doesn't want to be with her because he is willing to set aside some 'sex free' free time for her and has acknowledged the past. She is considerably younger than him and he may have more time for her as his business grows depending on his situation. I think it's up to her to decide if she is willing to come second to his work!
I think she should simply let him know what she wants... "I think you're great but I only want to be in a relationship that is headed in 'this" direction... I want "this" in a relationship, I don't want "that". Maybe we could just be friends until you're ready." He should understand that if he's not able to give her what she needs, that she's okay being by herself until someone wants to step all the way up to the plate... But that would need to be TRUE for her first lol. He may be a catch but he's not the last man left in the world. If he's so great but she's not happy, SOMETHING is wrong... Maybe it's her... ?
If he is too busy to talk to you in over a week he is too busy for a relationship! A relationship needs time and effort and if you are caught up in your own business, nothing is wrong with that but don’t look for a part time girlfriend
Exactly! Well said.
She doesn't like him for real and is making excuses to leave the situation even though she knows it's a foolish decision to make. If he was a loser with no job he would have all the time in the world. Find you a bum and buy him a playstation, some weed and a ferret and you can have him at your beckon call like a dog. Then write another SL complaining about the dog you have.
I am sort of going through the same thing with a guy I've been dating, but I can see he's trying so I don't make a big deal out of it. Whenever he has the free time he wants to spend it with me. If she knows she a girl who would rather have a guy who's already established in his career goals, then maybe she should find someone else, but I do think she will regret it because he definitely seems like a catch. She has to appreciate all that he's trying to do or she needs to move on.
Its not like hes trying to set up a date and she doesn't wanna go but being in a relationship whilst starting a business is extremely difficult and most of the time you don't even have time for a relationship. A man that wont even call you during the week is not a catch at all. He could at least call cause it didn't seem to me as if he was tryna fit her in at all. I think they both need to tell eachother what exactly they want from the relationship and what the both of them can do to make it work.
agree!!
If she lets him go, I know a LOT of women who are willing to work with him. A great woman would kill for man like him!
A great women would respect herself enough to not sell herself short and be ok with just getting crumbs. Why should she put in the effort to "work with him" if he didn't even put in effort to send her a text once a week?
I totally agree with you BG because of my situation I go to school during the day full time and work at night full time sometimes because I'm tired I do forget things like texting or calling ppl back. If I was in his position I would want someone to work with me if we're dating to plan dates around my schedule or even get upset if I don't call or txt for a couple of days but that's just my opinion and my outlook cause I'm in similar situation
I agree BG, he is pursuing her maybe not the best but he is trying. In that week why didn't she call him? Surprise him like you mentioned. A lot of times we women are the ones that be ego tripping, waiting for our fairy tales. It's real life, boo, things aren't always perfect.
Meeting a man halfway is a great idea, but him not contacting her for an entire week sounds fishy. Also, the age gap is too big. At some point he'll yearn for more adult conversation and mental stimulation.
Idk about this one. A week is a long time. What really confuses me is why she left him in the beginning when he was first starting the business, but all of a sudden wants him now that the business has started? Hmmm.
Idk BG I feel like a week without a text just to check on me is too long. He should give her the heads up. And tell her what to expect!
She did say, he sometimes go a week without calling or texting!
I do agree with you. It does take time and a lot of focus to build a business however he should also consider to include her and make time for her if he is truly serious about the relationship.
Grown woman tutorial was just what I needed. Ms.Pam
He does seem like a good man, but the age difference got me trippin!
FYI: I wrote my first comment before I read the rest of the letter. Ladies, we need to meet men halfway. Stop with the princess complex. Get off your throne and do some work too.
She's trippin. Some women feel like the man should be already established and well off so she could just come in and be an accessory. Nope. He sounds like a good man to me. Great potential
I agree he may be a catch in the sense that he seems to be a hard-working man but as you have said before, a man will MAKE the time for what/whom he's interested in. It seems incredibly unreasonable to me that he cannot find 5 minutes in 7 days just to say 'howdy?'Another thing I'm skeptical about is the reason they broke up to begin with. The writer mentioned something about him being 'a changed man',my question is in what way? What is it that he has changed from?? I just think this guy is far from ready to commit and probably has someone that he does make time to get with.
I agree. I think if she cared enough she wouldn't let a week go by without contacting him. Communication is a two way street he shouldn't have to initiate conversation every time. Also I don't think I mind him taking "time off" cause she probably acted so uninterested in the first place. I don't think it's fair to expect a man to run you down. You have to reciprocate.
I think he definitely sounds better than most of the men in other SL's that come through! And it seems like it's something worth working on. The writer doesn't talk about what she's done so far to try to rectify the situation. I think he seems like he's trying to do what's right and possibly doesn't realize how much distance he creates by not contacting her for a week. But I have to agree with some of the other ladies below...A WEEK?! That gets the side eye from me. I'd like to give the guy the benefit of the doubt but that just seems off. People make time for exactly what they wanna make time for. While he may legitimately be working, if he is truly that busy, a serious relationship may not be the best option for him at this time. I hope that the writer has (or will now) be having a conversation with him to let him know of her concerns. If he takes steps in the right direction to make things better, then I think that would make the case for him even more. Finally, while I do feel women need to meet men halfway, etc., there's a fine line between that and making excuses for them.
well said!
inspired984 so many people in this modern age want instant gratification and they don't want to take the time or sacrifice necessary to build something for the future that will last.
Anthony Brian Logan Not sure if you were agreeing with me or not, but I agree with what you said :) I've worked really hard to get where I am career-wise and admire others who do the same, and ultimately that's the kind of person I want to be with. I give the guy in the letter a lot of credit for being an entrepreneur; I can only imagine the challenges that presents. My point was just that he needs to put in work in the relationship, and so does she. I don't think we have enough detail to 100% say whether he's a catch or not, but I do think it sounds like he's got potential. If she's indeed doing her part to make the relationship work (and I do think some of BG's suggestions are great if she isn't), then what she has presented about him is NOT enough in my opinion. If he can't make the time for her (on the drive home, hit her up; as he's lying in bed about to go to sleep, hit her up...etc.), then I feel he should focus on his career. On the flip side, if he's not even aware that his behavior is bothering her, how will he know he needs to change? Or if she's just sitting home sulking because he's not making time for her, I don't feel sorry for that. So as with any relationship, communication is key. I'm extremely busy (usually working 12 hour days at least 5 days a week) and I make time for everybody and every thing (CZcams included haha) I want...because they matter to me. (Wow, I'm long-winded lol. Have a great day!)
There is a huge age gap between the two of these people and perhaps that is why it is so difficult for them to get it together. This woman first met this man at an age when most real men are working hard at setting up a future, yet she was still in her teens and tasting a certain level of freedom in college for the first time. There is a big gulf in life experience between them and their individual expectations are very different because of it. He probably felt that she had potential, because of her "old soul" personality that's why she remained in his mind. He may have been able to see the future in her when she couldn't see it in him. He is indeed a 'catch' and if I were 25 I would be very interested in him for myself, lol. It is important for her to grow up now. Be forthright and ask the man if he is interested in pursuing a relationship on a more regular basis and then, as BG says..."Meet him half way".
I agree that they both need to make it happen. He really sounds like a good man.
You can go a week without a text saying "Sorry Ive been MIA..Been really busy, but im always thinking about you."?
He's not a "bad" guy per se, but he's lazy at courting, and obviously not worried that some other dude might come along and give her attention while he cant send a quick text/phonecall?
If we're talking about a married couple, ok. But at the dating stage? Take neglect now and low effort, what incentive does hw have to give more effort if she contines to be so available. Its not impossible to spare time while running a business...if a guys wants you, he'll appreciate juggling his time...and the woman, seeing that effort, will appreciate it immensely.
I would be concerned with him going an entire week without speaking to her.
She need to let him go. She is 22, let her find a guy who is on the same age/stage as she is,who will probably have more time on their hands and less responsibility.
She need to give his number to some these grown females who send in SL's about giving their all to a man who gives them dust.
That face at 00:30 seconds though :D Cracked me up! Now back to the video I go.
Girl I love your SL letters but I gotta disagree with this one based on my experience... My ex bf was a handsome intelligent older guy who had his own business.. and let me tell you it wasn't a good experience.. (a good lesson though). I was supportive and understanding but I realized that he was putting his business 1st and didn't care about my concerns and feelings. It was all about his business, his schedule and he believed that I just had to deal with it and wait till he has some free time for me. Every woman wants attention from her man and feel like he cares about her so there is no point to be in a relationship where you feel lonely and neglected. The guy in the video can go a week without contacting her so obviously you can see where she stands in his priority list. Hope you understand where I am coming from. Love your videos! xxo
I can somehwat relate to this SL. I have a guy friend who's admited to liking me, and I like him too but things never really went beyond friendship or an offical relationship/dating. This guy is 11 years my senior and im 24. He is VERY busy because he to works during the day and over night. My issue with him was the fact that he'd be ok with having sex with me/making out but wouldn't want to actually hang out or go out on dates. this dude would insist on "hanging out" at his crib, even on many occations I've told him NO. I did it once, and shame on me, we didn't go as far as to doing the do but it did lead to temptation. My issue with this guy is I feel that he wants his cake and wants to eat it too. I feel like im flexible to a point to understand a mans hustles, and preperation for the future, whatever that means. But I do feel that even if you work 60 hours a week, and can go on social media and post pictures, It really doesnt take long to send a short text to someone that you are interested in. Personally some people are just not ready for the next step/commitment. Life is short and time is of value. Why waste time, emotions, and investing feelings when it just seems like the person isnt even willing to meet you half way as well? who puts in the extra effort?? I personally wouldn't settle for less, and how long is someone gonna have to WAIT before the other person can get their life togehter
I agree with this one. There have been plenty of times before me & my guy got together when we didn't speak for days on end because our schedules just didn't work out. But when we had down time we made time for each other. I understand her fears, but I think he's a catch. If he was ignoring her on purpose or being a dirt bag toward her, then she should move on. But I guess to each her own.
OMG! One on my first gifts from hubby was the DVD of Love Jones!
I feel she left out too many details. However, nobody says to marry him...date him for a while and see if the situation is doable for the both of you. Sounds like to me he's got a life and you do too, as the both of you should. Its not the time yet for "two to become one." I'm sorry but as women we are so quick to put "the one" label on every guy before we even check out the scene. Let this guy know what you expect and if it doesn't work out keep it moving.
I think he is a catch he is doing something with his life and at the end of the day it benefits both they both have a life but they can be powerful together
It's not sure that his business will benefit both cuz he isn't his wife yet. He still can get other women once he gets more money and he'll have even more options the more money he earns. Even if she ends up being his wife, it might benefit her financially but it's not sure if it will benefit their relationship when his job comes always first and he'll never has time
If her only problem is that he is trying to establish his business then I don't see where he is a bad guy? What kind of man does she want? I think he is a catch.
I do think that she can meet him half way. If my man was starting his own business I would meet him half way because I know he's trying to do something. I agree with you on that. This man is a catch and if she lets him go she will regret it.
Please come to Houston and speak, lol! You are most Definitely an influence in my life...
kiki roy Thank you Kiki!
I think he seems like a nice guy, but she may not be ready to settle down yet. She's a lot younger than him and she may just want to date casually. It doesn't seem like she has the patience to wait and work with him to figure out how they can make a relationship work. She shouldn't force it if the relationship isn't working for her now. Eventually she may feel like she's sacrificing too much and she may become resentful.
i needed to hear this ....God bless u
You are not trippin BG.
I know some people that were together for like 10 years and it was long distance and they barely talked but they were both very busy one with business the other with residency so I think that the girl should get her a little more busy. Just be understanding. Maybe knowing when he is free next and schedule a date in the future so you don't feel so much like you need a text everyday.
BG it would be great to hear responses back from some of the girls u've advised, especially if they did take your advice......would be great to know how their relationship s are going. kind of like an update. great advice by the way. luv u.
Great video BG!!!! I agree with you 1000% Honey work with this brother please. If you don't you may regret it. He really sounds like a great guy. Nobody's perfect but this one sounds pretty close :) If it doesn't work out at least you can say you tried. Don't pass up the chance to have a great relationship because things aren't perfect now. It will never be perfect. Go get your man girl!!!!!
Yes!! Love Jones one of my favs too!
U ain't tripping BG ... Sounds like she wants him to do all the work and like she's waiting for the rainbow, unicorns and glitter lol
Why does she have to ask? Any man who likes you will voluntarily make an effort. I've been in a similar situation. Gurrrrl!! Take it from me, this man is not that into you. Move on. Being an entrepreneur doesn't automatically make u a catch.
He sounds awewome.
Some of my sisters need to start thinking outside of the box and stop watching these Lifetime romance movies and having unrealistic expectations of men and dating today! I agree with BG when she says that this sounds like a good man. He's working towards something and the writer needs to acknowledge that and bring something to the table in terms of meeting up in places that aren't the usual cinema/restaurant/club dates. So he doesn't call or text for a week? And? She says she's an old soul but she comes across as immature and insecure to be honest. She will lose him to another woman who is able to see the potential that she is blind to.
That eagle analogy...lol:)
I have to say that this girl has fooled herself into thinking that she is wise beyond her years. She clearly is not and has alot of growing up to do. You were right to explicitly state that the man is trying to build a life for himself and maybe her if he chooses to marry her, but she clearly cannot see that. She' wants too much attention for no real reason. If I was him, i would watch her carefully and if she carries on being demanding of my time with no real benefit from the interaction, I would cut her out of my life, because she's a distraction. She should go get on with the life she says she has. And grow up too.
I think she expects him to be further or wants an already made man and I'm honestly not mad at her especially considering he's 32. He started this business 3 years ago and I understand that everything happens at its own pace but I also think that maybe there's something about him we don't know. 3 years and he still seems to be at scratch? I know it's hard out here but maybe she's just looking for a guy who can keep up with her pace (I'd be skeptical too if a guy 10 years my senior was still figuring things out). Also, it sounds like she's used to seeing bum men and is super on guard about the guys we usually hear about in these SLs so maybe she's over-shooting it.
I'm a college graduate, gainfully employed and in my late 30s and I'm still trying to figure things out. This thing called life is not that simple. There are so many roads to take, so many obstacles and reroutes in life, if I expected to be a certain place at a certain time in my life I'd be miserable. You can have a plan but also be prepared for change.
writeserengeti13 Of course, but if you were dating a guy 10 years your senior, wouldn't you be a little hesitant or even scared that he still didn't have a grasp on things? Not just the career or money but he hasn't even figured out how to balance career and personal re where where she says sometimes a week goes by without him contacting her. We definitely don't know the full story and maybe I'm reading too much into little details but it seems to me that whilst this guy has good intentions (re starting the business) he might just be a little more scattered than we think ie. just isn't there yet. I know people are encouraging her to stick through it but it's not everyone you hussle with that you reap with. If her gut is telling her no then it might be on to something in my opinion.
she better hold on to him, b/c he's a great catch (he's trying to better himself FINANCIALLY). he's NOT trying to sit home. he's not trying to live off of her money.
I don't think I ever seen this SL. Since some time has passed, do you have an update on this couple? I want to know if she took your advice or walked away....
So you wanted him to get his stuff together, but then complained he was too busy?! Have I misunderstood something or...
Great advice BG.x
What?! She is fortunate. Guys like that are hard to come by.
She shouldn't settle for less, but he seems good thus far.
The majority of these modern day women are absolutely fools who cannot see past today. Lady you are right he is not for you. He deserves way better. Let him go so he can meet someone who deserves him. Every serious goal driven dude like myself has met tons of women like this. Yet these are the same women who will yell on the top of the highest mountain that there are no good men around. SMH!
Let's keep it real. A whole week without any contact at all, this isn't about being too busy, this is about not being willing to put any effort into this. If you had a chance to date Beyonce, would you not find the time to text her at least once a week, no matter how busy you are? Would you expect her to be already yours without having to pursue her just because you are a goal driven man?
She can make her voice heard about her needs. To men we operate differently and can easily overlook things women don't take for granted. However leaving a guy who has ambition because he is too busy for you........ then they end up with one who they take care of and still don't get the attention they desire.
You're talking from a standpoint where the woman is already yours. I was refering to the initial stage of getting to know each other when you show interest in a woman but she isn't yet convinced of you. Therefore she doesn't have the need for your attention (yet) because she's still thinking whether she's interested in getting to know you, if you don't have time anyway.
"then they end up with one who they take care of and still don't get the attention they desire."
Only true for women who have no other options!
If you walked up to (single) Beyonce and told her "Look girl, I'm interested in you, but I'm too busy to pursue you, because I have ambition for my business" she would say "Okay, that's fine, good luck with that!". She wouldn't bother you to give her attention, but instead you'd simply miss out on her because, since she has many suitors, she'd simply move on to an ambitious man who's also ambitious enough to pursue her and convince her of him. Once she's already won over, she will accept "no contact" for a longer period of time.
This is a case of someone who has played your SL playlist one time too many and has ran to other extreme of the equation. If you don't want to be with a lazy, no ambition having, unable to provide and flat out broke man you have to learn to work with a busy man. He is 100% a catch. Working on building a strong foundation to support a growing and maturing relationship!?! Child chee.
Also if she has presented this as an issue to her, he probably thinks they have an understanding of his busy schedule and what he is trying to do. Once she brings it to his attention, based on what seems to be the consistency of his character, I'm sure he'll work with her too. For those saying that 3 years into a business is a short time and he should be more established by now, you obviously don't own a business or work for yourself. It is beyond HARD. Many people spend the first five years getting their business on foot. Cut him a break. 32 is not a bad age to get your life together and he obviously started earlier, but it takes time for things to manifest.
Just because he's not lazy and has ambition concerning his business does not excuse him to be lazy towards pursuing her. 1 week without any contact, not even a text when he's on the toilet or before he sleeps at night.theres no excuse for that, thats lazy & not caring enough, not being "too busy"
***** I said if she presents it as an issue to him, he would more than likely be willing to do that. I've been in his shoes and its harder than most people realize. They need to work together. Why should it be all on him to contact her? She didn't say that she text him and he ignored her, or he isn't returning her calls but I'm done with the situation. Understanding goes a long way. The truth is we don't know either of these people and all the circumstances. I think they will be fine with some communication, and since she is the one with the issue, she can initiate the conversation.
I'm wondering if there's info she failed to mention. She might be waiting for his business to flourish or maybe she doesn't believe in the business he's trying to set up. Or she simply doesn't understand that relationships require work and sometimes we as women need to bring the romance too. Doesn't sound like there's a true issue with him, really, unless there's more to the story.
Did she say her age....i agree 100% with you BG....she better hold on to the few good ones we have left....
I know there's plenty of fish in the sea but she might wanna keep him in the boat. Lol