Building Trust with an Avoidant Partner: A "Step by Step" Guide
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- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
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Alexis - your channel is very underrated..
Very underrated. Alexis and Elizabeth are the only coaches i trust. I have watched plenty online and Alexis's advice is the only one that worked and works for me still.
He's the best by far.
I watched a lot of videos from a lot of channels, but only Alexis could make me understand deeply my DA ex, his behaviour, what he needs, and what I need. I saw what I did wrong too.
I've learnt a lot.
I can't thank James enough.
Thank you for the Realistic Needs list. Very wise.
All of this seems to be predicated on the assumption that you are working with an avoidant who is willing to self reflect, be accountable, be vulnerable, or even change.
I know… you can be as understanding and educated in this as possible, it doesn’t change them. 😢
You must have the courage and self belief to use both the carrot and the stick. If your OH slips back into frosting you or disrespecting you, walk away.
Not agressively, or butthurt, but (shrug) "OK, you need some space." and walk away and allow them to process what they have done in their own way and at their own pace. Then they will reach out to you. Might take a week, two, whatever, but slowly it will work, because you are resetting their gut reaction to their fear and anxiety. Without making a big deal of it, you are showing them they are free, but also, that when they "mis-behave" there are consequences
Loved the video. Please post the guide
Thank you, Alexis!!!
Thank you for this video! Appreciate your content.🙏✨
So much good advice in this Alexis, top job 👍
thank you, this is your best video yet. it really helps me understand my partner objectively and learn to accommodate his needs in a practical way that hopefully he would recognize better, and without abandoning my own. he is a french avoidant ❤
A very balanced approach!
1/independence 2/communicate openly & honestly 3/
Thank you so much Alexis, your videos are so helpful. I can't find the link to download the complete guide that you mentioned?
Thank you for this very informative video! This video really helps me better understand what is going on between me and the person I'm in love with
But there is no download link to a guide in desc...😓
What's an example of sharing a vulnerability?
So good 👏👏👏👏
Omg you are just magical … how can we get our avodant ex back?pls make videos that how should be act and etc
I dont think my avoidant wife will accept that she is avoidant she got upset when i mentioned that she might be. I havent seen her look into it she has seen other issues lately that she could work on and i know she was working on stuff before i woke up to all the damage i had done.. its hard because shes on prozac.. so now she doesnt have to even worry about having any attachments.. she can just let go and not care.
Hi. Where is the guide mentioned in the video?
1/independence 2/
I’m not seeing the guide here that you mentioned…?
Where is the guide?
Point seven... So sad when i think about it
Well my DA broke all the "realistic boundaries" told he needs space which I gave him. De didn't See each other for 6 months. I told him this isn't what we agreed on at the beginning for our frienship with benefits. But he feels stressed by the idea that he has to meet me so what can I do?
The question is... why is he feeling stressed? It could be that he's afraid of having a fight, as DAs fear arguments and hate being blamed or attacked. I think the most important thing is to learn self-regulation before approaching your DA so that the outcome can feel positive for them. Maybe even ask what would make him feel more comfortable when meeting up. Maybe plan to do something light instead without having "the talk" right away. Then tell him that the talk will happen but is postponed for a later time. Plan a fun relationship-building activity so that there is some level of connection before the talk. It's important that the talk isn't completely avoided, because it can become underlining contention between you two, which could boil into indirect arguments. I know DAs are not big on expressing their feelings, but I notice when I approach mine with vulnerability and express my feelings, he seems to appreciate it. I also feel this provides modeling for them to do the same. They won't do it at the same level, but it makes them feel more at ease to express it in small amounts.
Too much work not worth it
It's really more about working on yourself... and you are worth it.