You're awesome, ENFPs. Hope you all find someone truly awesome and special! Special thanks to ENFP Becca for fixing my personality test, and Geesh for always listening to me.
For me as an ENFP who is older now I'm 58 I finally realized why the curiosity with oddballs and Psychopaths. I push and pull levers by asking very specific questions, and for us enfps people tell us their darkest secrets. I would love to somehow create change, so my hope is by observing loving kind people or the opposite Psychopaths or sociopaths, I will find answers. It's like being Sherlock Holmes with an agenda. My sister has told me hundreds of times, not everyone is like you sister. I wonder, why is it so hard for people to just love one another. I wonder how some hurt people go on to literally torture people while other hurt people choose to be loving and kind. I guess I am searching for large keys because I want to desperately turn the keys that will help people to feel loved and for them to be able to give love. A piece of advice I can give younger enfps is do not take on other people's pain, it will not heal them and it will only hurt you, use your empathy use your gifts but don't physically or emotionally take on their pain! Thank you for the video and all the compliments Eric I pray that God will bless you and all of us!
This was really interesting. I’m an ENFP…I am always told I’m too happy, too enthusiastic, too optimistic, idealistic etc. I always find it odd because I tend to feel the opposite…that I am not happy enough etc. And I def experienced that with a narcissistic husband…now I’m edging towards a relationship with an INFJ…gradually gaining his trust…not easy lol!
I'm an enfp and I take 4 anti psychotics for more mental disorders than I can count on one hand. I'm a depressed pile of shit. I don't know how I come off as enthusiastic???
It is hard to accept that I can’t help everyone. Both as a doctor and as a human being, I try to fix everyone I see. The only one I constantly ignore is myself, perhaps because I am a 3w2 ENFP. Thank you so much for making this video. I hope you can learn to accept love from ENFPs as well because it’s pure. We mean it when we pure our good intentions to you.
I think the reason why we ENFP love to learn about psychopathy is due to the reason we are gentle, passionate and considerate. As Carl Jung states: All humans have a shadow, and your shadow is the parts of your personality that you suppress in order to fit society. If you are a gentle, passionate and considerate person, your shadow will be brutal, cold and self centered. Exactly like a psychopath. I think (at least for me), the reason why ENFP likes to learn about psychopathy is because we have a creeping suspicion that we ourselves are the psychopaths. Its just that our loving nature wont allow us to do it. But that doesn't mean we are not capable of being monsters.
Basically just the issue of duality time and time again, after so long one just gets burnt out dealing with it all especially when so much of the population embodies this let alone the baggage. I honestly don't like extremes from either end of the spectrum anymore because people will once in a while can flip flop and such is a huge pain in the ass.
for me personally, i have been through my "dark enfp" phase for many years. it seemed endless. 12 years total. i was not at all the person i am today. during that period, i was very much antisocial. i hated people, i was rigid, scared, harsh, aggressive, sarcastic, and had a very low self esteem and self love. having been in such a low place, full of pessimism, cynical and rage and anger, im really surprise how i flipped the switch back to a healthy self loving, people loving and optimistic ENFP i always knew i could be. but one thing did stuck with me though, my fascination with the darker side of everything. like your quote from Carl Jung. it speaks to me deeply. but for me, i feel like your shadows isn't something you should be hiding. to understand a person, is to know what made them who they are, their state of mind, their point of view, their beliefs, their fear, their past, their present, their darkness and their strength... EVERYTHING about them makes them who they are. so i guess, in a way, i can sympathise with everyone. i do not wish to change or help psychopaths to be normal people; i just wish to know their story. because most of them, have reasons which made them they way they are. like everyone else. ultimately though, i think everyone have a voice and a story which deserved to be heard. and i am all ears. without judgement.
Since we notice every little change in someone's emotions, and it appears that both one else can... it makes me think that I must be psychotic because I know how someone else is feeling, almost exactly... and it would be so easy to just go along and use that against them... 😅🤔 too deep I think... 😬
That's exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for saying that I'm not a weight on someone else's shoulders and I'm not too much. Because that's something I've been struggling with for a lot time and forcing myself to be reserved and hold back.
Wait... I actually paused to type this, and the next second you say we should hold back haha (but I guess that's about forgiveness, and I get the point, but it's hard to hold back one thing and let loose the other, because that's not how we ENFPs work, we roll with our whole heart on the line)
I think, for me at least, it's more than just caring about people. If we can help someone, it feels it's our duty. As if _not_ helping would make us a bad person. It's very easy for that to turn into thinking your only worth is helping people. Over time that really makes you devalue your own wants or needs because they feel self-indulgent. I think it's just baby steps. Starting to meet your own needs, even just in little ways. Creating some boundaries. Taking stock in your relationships with people. Do they give support back to you? Or is it a one-way street? Take care of yourselves ENFPs. You don't have to prove yourself worthy, you're wonderful just for being you!
I'm in love with an ENFP. I am an INFJ and he sees me as a kind and caring friend. I suspect more based on how he treats me, but won't admit to it. He's had an extremely hard childhood and life. He's made some bad choices in the past, but is working incredibly hard to get his life back on track. I am so proud of him and wish he would allow me to do more to support him. I love his joy and laughter. I've seen the good, bad, and even some of the ugly. He's the 1st man to say he cares about me and appreciates me. I will never believe he is too much. I don't want him to ever leave my life. I pray we will be friends forever.
I'm over 40 now and I feel like I can't be a people-lover anymore - people can be really mean and lie, I'm easily manipulated and forgive easily. I avoid and listen to my husband instead cause he is smarter. Have such a calmer life now. He is an intj and agrees with you. I'm like an impulsive puppy who is way to loyal and forgiving. So thank god for infjs and intjs.
As an enfp, this is so true of me. My great curiosity about people perhaps makes me go to those who are different and that could mean to go to the darkness and turn the light on for people. But the danger is in what you explained here. After years of allowing my narcissist ex to destroy my life and steal almost everything, I became totally depleted mentally and physically and financially. Now I'm seeing how badly I treated myself by not leaving as soon as I saw the red flags. My naive and toxically optimistic self has lived and tried to function in the cruel presence of evil. It was bizarre and baffling but I'm still alive!! And for this I thank and praise the Almighty God Who continually saves my life from death! I do think I did most things well and it would have been so wonderful to have done all these things with the right person instead of a human parasite. What you say is true. Our heart longs to love well and also to be loved.
I can relate to so much of what you are saying. I am currently divorcing a covert narcissist. I also feel like I did most things right because I did them from my heart. Example, if I had cooked two pieces of meat and one did not look as appetizing I would give him the more appetizing piece of meat. I was capable of loving someone the way I wanted to be loved. This has always come naturally for me and I don't believe it comes naturally for a lot of people. I truly wanted to see the good and this man and I gave as much as I possibly could. I realized he had been faking who he was. The moments where you think to yourself this feels really strange I think those moments kept me very intrigued and puzzled and it kind of keeps you off guard as well. Even though they have hurt us tremendously we still question ourselves did I do something wrong and the answer is no probably not. None of us are perfect we all have flaws but I know what you're saying I understand what you're saying because I truly did give from the heart so I believe you and I see you. My prayer is that we all find Circles of people that we can draw from even if it's not one person one mate or one best friend but that we receive love from our brothers and sisters here who are able to give it back to us. May God bless you and prosper you I pray in Jesus name! ❤️❤️❤️
I laughed when you said we believe we can make any person good because it’s so true. I’ll watch violent crime documentaries and think, I just wanna speak to them, I have this feeling like they are good deep down and I can bring that out in them! Learning that a relationship can’t solve all of your problems and that you can’t force people to give you what you give them was huge in having a healthy marriage for me. I often have no boundaries with my husband and I expected him to be the same, over time I’ve learnt to respect and not resent his and set my own!
Thank you Erik! Yea.. I love others way too much.. I value them at their highest selves.. not the reality. I played manic pixie dream girl for an ESTP and an INFJ …. Neither of them value me now.. the ESTP didn’t see me at all and the INFJ.. well .. every INFP he came across was “more valuable than both of us”. . . Until they weren’t. I’m tired. . . And worst of all.. I’m lost.
I am an ENFP and I cried watching this video. I am meeting an INFJ guy who is very introverted and wont open up. Embarrassed myself quite a few times in front of him. Got frustrated. Then I started watching your videos. And I can see he makes efforts. I want to tell him how (I won't till I know is comfortable enough to listening) much appreciate his efforts and I understand what he is going through and how conversations don't come naturally to him but he still makes small efforts so I don't feel weird or frustrated. This is a guy my parents set up to meet. I might have never understood him if I hadn't watched few of your videos. If at all we pursue a relationship or say get married for that matter. It's going to be because you existed. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You're an amazing person.
Thanks for the great video, Erik! As an ENFP I find it extremely important to make sure people (all of them 😅) feel accepted, appreciated and loved. I give everyone trust and the freedom to be themselves without feeling judged. This resulted in a ton of great friends, but also stalkers and narcissists along the way. That's why I want to know a lot about psychopaths. I want to learn more to protect myself from them, without ever building walls or not accepting everyone. 💙
I was at the verge of tears all the time. I didn't know I needed to listen to this until you actually said the words. Thank you for taking the time to remember us important things we easily forget. I could feel your honesty and love the entire video. If I could I would give you a big hug right now! Have a great day! You definetly made mine.
beautiful video as always. I find myself "falling in love" with almost everyone I meet so quickly. I know this is just me looking for and seeing the good in everyone and magnifying those qualities in my mind. I love complimenting people and lifting them up and encouraging them. I do feel that others do not reciprocate my behavior but i continue to do it, not to prove a point but simply because it is at the core of who I am and I do it without thinking. however I never feel like I can really change anyone, I feel like enfj's and esfj's feel like they can do this and I feel I observe them actually trying to do this. I am happy just to be a source of light to show others that it can and does exist and if others have dimmed their light or are scared to be nice, show them they can do it. if they do not change though I do not lose sleep over it. I can move on. unfortunately (and perhaps fortunately) I have some narcissists in my family so I am able to recognize these dark traits quickly. I am constantly on guard to avoid welcoming any narcissists into my life. I am a friendly person but I have strong boundaries.
Such a beautiful and respectful analysis! Thank you so much for saying that, Erik. As an ENFP, I can absolutely recognise the desire to win people over, to show them how beautiful they are regardless of what they feel. This sometimes gets me in trouble as people get overwhelmed and just cannot relate it to their self image and I beat myself up about it for months. I love your point that the best growth comes through the inside... Looking forward to exploring that further :)
Thanks Eric. I like the gray background for this gritty topic. I’m an ENFP and uwhen I love it’s unconditional and a choice more than a feeling. It’s just morally right to love everyone and accept regardless of whether it’s returned. So in the short term we might not feel the reciprocity, but over time we at least have the respect of others in our dedication. Also I don’t expect love to be returned in the way I give, so I tolerate almost any behavior and accept it as love. I’ve been in a relationship for 25 years that has been wonderful but never emotionally reciprocated even remotely except in a sense of duty. What you say is true, I never learned to look at whether someone is good for me, I really just looked at if they needed me to steer them and encourage them through dark days because love is just a decision. I do believe as an ENFP that your advice is very important. I do feel a deep emptiness but I choose this path to where I am, and I know that in other ways, such as stability of living I am better off. So this balance has been more towards stability and less towards deep emotional connection. I find those connections everywhere I go and this is like a quick fix to get me by day to day. Fortunately these little interactions keep my connected enough to justify my decisions. But they don’t add up to a relationship where you can listen to the rain and stare at the trees for hours, or the look of affection from the eyes of your loved one. Sometimes I think that’s the best measure of love, and something I overlooked when I set off to where I am. But then again, I’ve looked into those eyes but never materialised that path. Not because that path isn’t possible, I just feel that structure is a foundation to build on. And ephemeral feelings just evaporate before the practical things can form a plan or solidify. Now I’m building a platform for myself based on my creative interests but this hasn’t produced anything financially, and my partner has a good job, so I am free to build my platform based on interests, and then one day I can build a love interest as well. It doesn’t have to be in that order, I could have listened to Ray Bradbury’s advice “jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down”. I used to think this meant just exploring life’s possibilities and trusting that process, now it feels like there’s more to the story. Falling off the cliff feels like falling uncontrollably at first. It’s scary. And the wings have to be built from painful and happy experiences that teach us how to flap our wings. And for every 10 that try to jump, how many flap away and how many crash? How many crash and later realize they actually are where they wanted to be? Are the wings just our ego? Well, I still haven’t jumped but I looked over the edge and I know where I want to jump. When the time is right, I’ll crash and that will be a rebirth and my opportunity to build a relationship that involves a lot of soul gazing. Maybe I’m too patient at waiting. Maybe I’m waiting for Gudot.
I wish you the very best. You sound content with your life choices. I was in a somewhat similar situation (but the monetary stability included mental abuse). Taking the leap of change was terrifying. But ultimately it was the most rewarding thing I could have done. I try to rely on my faith in those times of jumping off the cliff. Though I know that's different for everyone. I hope you find your wings, in whatever way makes you the happiest and the most yourself.
Yes. I think its becausei Im an enneagram 2w3. , also. 279. I have been single for the last 3 years, because I get hurt too deeply. I tend to pick cluster B personalities trying to show them love. I was married for 15 years, and he took EVERYTHING, and blew it on drugs. He left me with nothing but my two sons. All my relationships were one sided, and I always left after one year. I wish I was more selfish. I had to learn to love and live for myself. Thank you kindly for your insight. I long to be like Mother Theresa and save the all the people of the world, but I had to rescue myself first. Life is too short.
This is so frickin real, can't say how close to my experience of life and love this is. Thank you. Finally learning that the toxic people are just too toxic and damaging.
I am Tye and this is my Ministries account I am ENFO and you have said true sure thing about us and especially me. I agree we love too much and we are attracted to people who doesn’t deserve our love most of the times. If you start Narowing down all the divorces you have heard from the neighbourhood, ENFP’s are mostly involved and you will realise they are mostly treated very bad in relationship enduring with positivity and hopes. I think we should invest our time into deep meditation of understanding God who can shape us because no one can fix us, not even ourselves but the greater power from Above.
I absolutely can heal people with my love, do it all the time with people who recognize and invite me but especially children. And it does explain the rejection of my love with people who feel they don’t deserve it. And the instant connection with narcissists who use my love as self validation. Age is wisdom tho, I’ve gotten a lot better at spotting all these things and either waiting it out or shutting it down.
Enfp here. I'm not attracted to dark twisted people just because they are dark. And I am definitely not attracted to toxic people that I know they aren't good for me. But I do get attracted to some troubled individuals, because I can empathise with them. It's just the good will in me that wants to be present for them. I don't want to fix them, but I want to help them heal. Not the INFJ kind who gets attracted to a person because they wanna fix them. I understand the pain and the chaos in them, and I am comfortable sitting through it with them, because that's what we do everyday. Feeling too much chaos(Fi).
I think tha we ENFP's are curious about psicopaths not because we want to be with them, but because we are in touch with the darkness within us more than any other type, and it's a way of knowing what we can become if we allow the darkness to win, ENFP feel emotions raw, both good and evil and we are true to them no matter what they are, that's why is so important for us to become strong willed with draconian rules that we must not cross.... just my opinion though. =D Fun fact, most serial killers are ENFP's!
Omg love has totally ruined my life. I only know my love. It's never reciprocated. I cried when I saw this. I can't understand why anyone would love halfway. I can't understand evil. It's totally destroyed me. I don't know if I'll ever get me back now. If the person is 99% shithead I will cling to the 1% that they might be good. I never see it coming but I guess Love is the biggest lie. Trauma is a big game changer and an ENFP like me doesn't have it in them to see it coming. We couldn't possibly grasp that somebody could think it's okay to hurt somebody just because they can. I've always been the person that likes to make people happy. I love to heal people with my laughter and my love for them but they don't appreciate it ever. I'm hopeful but definitely disappointed. I think I'm an INFP now. Thank you for the video it gave me a lot of insight on myself and I wish I had seen it when I was younger.
erik, i have watched several of your videos, and you make me feel respected and acknowledged too. I think I take it for granted, and when i encounter people who don't, it is shocking.
More than likely. Too funny. One of my nicknames is Becca, 🤣 Though only a very select few persons have ever called me that... and after growing up “becky” what a nice change it was. MBTI has helped grow so much. I find in my spiritual journey I only go by the leading of my Father God Creator of the Universe. I think other could also have false perceptions of what God’s in people. We are only to use our gift for His will in agreement with the individual who struggling. Healers or others with different gifts don't just go around like a showman. And foremost in my understanding... God gave me my gifts for free even though I had to study and learn under those who I had to learn to discern their roots of passion and path, I just can not see having to have some lavish life style to bring it about... Sure like all things with time we build, nothing happens over night, I learned oh so long ago from a great Christian speaker... there is no such thing as a drive thru break-through (ty JM 😘) and believe you me that was a tough and looong lesson to grasp. I think if science (which to me lines up w the Bible), theology and psychology and even philosophy would mingle a bit we my discover we just look at the same thing somewhat the same way, just from different angles like a prism. And all the colors are there, and it's crystal clear!
Hi Erik! Love your videos! I'm an ESFJ and I find your videos extremely on point! Could you make more videos about ESFJ's by any chance? ESFJ body language, etc...
Yes as an ESFJ and 3 wing 2....I love your videos on all types, but rarely do people make them for us. I know you have one, but can we have one more? Lol
Thank you for your work and for your understanding of us, it's always appreciated. Also, I just adore you😊 and I thank you for the sound advice and I laughed a lot too which I appreciate just as much.
I'm constantly getting better but Im ready to give and receive. I've caught up with myself and have a quiet confidence and ready for him. Not to fix him because he's enough.
Wow. Thank you. And, side note- ima bout to go find myself an INTJ, cause wtf?! How the heck do you know. INTJ, right?! I'm new to these letters... but shiznit. I could go on some serious rambles... thank you for this! Holy moly :)
@@ErikThor mmmh maybe INFJs .. from my experience they are stubborn and not easy to convince. They are also likely to go into some deep spirals sometimes. But yeah if there is someone capable of being them a bit of light is an ENFP.. I might be wrong tho, but it kinda makes sense to me :)
This music video always reminded me of how it felt when people rejected my positive energy. By the end of the day you could clearly see I had a bad day: czcams.com/video/Pf4fiP7SQF8/video.html
To take a more objective perspective, as an ENFP. Fi is selfish. We care about how we affect others because it cuts through Fi. Individuality/freedom is often a core Fi value, which leads to that ability to empathise with other viewpoints more easily. At the end of the day, however, this can all be reduced to "it's how it makes us feel." It's not altruistic. Some would simply call this selfish. I wouldn't say it's good or bad, but I don't see ENFP as a genuinely self-sacrificing for the good of others type, like, say... an INFJ. It's always fascinating to hear NiFe desperately trying to make sense of how Fi works - it's your own morbid curiosity in a way, but understanding is always just out of reach. I feel the same way about how INFJs think, I love their company but even after being close for over 20 years we can boggle each other. Fe is as foreign to me as Fi for others - I'll find it easier to understand how an ISTJ thinks. Despite that, I've been told by INFJs that an ENFP can make them feel comfortable emotionally (ESTP would be the physical side).
This was really interesting. I’m an ENFP…I am always told I’m too happy, too enthusiastic, too optimistic, idealistic etc. I always find it odd because I tend to feel the opposite…that I am not happy enough etc. And I def experienced that with a narcissistic husband…now I’m edging towards a relationship with an INFJ…gradually gaining his trust…not easy lol!
You're awesome, ENFPs. Hope you all find someone truly awesome and special!
Special thanks to ENFP Becca for fixing my personality test, and Geesh for always listening to me.
Can you please but please make a video about romantic relationsheep/marriage between ENTJ male and ENFP female??? Please please please please.
Thank you Erik, I FINALLY feel understood, this explains so much, I keep rewatching it because it’s like you’re talking to me mate
as an ENFP i cried watching this
Me too
Lmao!
I shall now show my fiancee thanks to this glowing recommendation
~ Sincerely
An ENTP
Same
me too
I'm INFP and my boyfriend is ENFP. He is awesome! I love that he likes to sing love songs to me.
For me as an ENFP who is older now I'm 58 I finally realized why the curiosity with oddballs and Psychopaths. I push and pull levers by asking very specific questions, and for us enfps people tell us their darkest secrets. I would love to somehow create change, so my hope is by observing loving kind people or the opposite Psychopaths or sociopaths, I will find answers. It's like being Sherlock Holmes with an agenda. My sister has told me hundreds of times, not everyone is like you sister. I wonder, why is it so hard for people to just love one another. I wonder how some hurt people go on to literally torture people while other hurt people choose to be loving and kind. I guess I am searching for large keys because I want to desperately turn the keys that will help people to feel loved and for them to be able to give love. A piece of advice I can give younger enfps is do not take on other people's pain, it will not heal them and it will only hurt you, use your empathy use your gifts but don't physically or emotionally take on their pain! Thank you for the video and all the compliments Eric I pray that God will bless you and all of us!
You’re an amazing person!
Agree. All trying to learn in order to make the world better, but only Jesus can.
Advice: Learn active listen and let others solve their own dilemmas.
This was really interesting. I’m an ENFP…I am always told I’m too happy, too enthusiastic, too optimistic, idealistic etc. I always find it odd because I tend to feel the opposite…that I am not happy enough etc. And I def experienced that with a narcissistic husband…now I’m edging towards a relationship with an INFJ…gradually gaining his trust…not easy lol!
I'm an enfp and I take 4 anti psychotics for more mental disorders than I can count on one hand. I'm a depressed pile of shit. I don't know how I come off as enthusiastic???
@@allanaolson140 hope you are doing good!
It is hard to accept that I can’t help everyone. Both as a doctor and as a human being, I try to fix everyone I see. The only one I constantly ignore is myself, perhaps because I am a 3w2 ENFP. Thank you so much for making this video. I hope you can learn to accept love from ENFPs as well because it’s pure. We mean it when we pure our good intentions to you.
I think the reason why we ENFP love to learn about psychopathy is due to the reason we are gentle, passionate and considerate.
As Carl Jung states: All humans have a shadow, and your shadow is the parts of your personality that you suppress in order to fit society.
If you are a gentle, passionate and considerate person, your shadow will be brutal, cold and self centered. Exactly like a psychopath.
I think (at least for me), the reason why ENFP likes to learn about psychopathy is because we have a creeping suspicion that we ourselves are the psychopaths.
Its just that our loving nature wont allow us to do it. But that doesn't mean we are not capable of being monsters.
Basically just the issue of duality time and time again, after so long one just gets burnt out dealing with it all especially when so much of the population embodies this let alone the baggage. I honestly don't like extremes from either end of the spectrum anymore because people will once in a while can flip flop and such is a huge pain in the ass.
My inner conflict never ends.
for me personally, i have been through my "dark enfp" phase for many years. it seemed endless. 12 years total. i was not at all the person i am today. during that period, i was very much antisocial. i hated people, i was rigid, scared, harsh, aggressive, sarcastic, and had a very low self esteem and self love. having been in such a low place, full of pessimism, cynical and rage and anger, im really surprise how i flipped the switch back to a healthy self loving, people loving and optimistic ENFP i always knew i could be. but one thing did stuck with me though, my fascination with the darker side of everything. like your quote from Carl Jung. it speaks to me deeply. but for me, i feel like your shadows isn't something you should be hiding. to understand a person, is to know what made them who they are, their state of mind, their point of view, their beliefs, their fear, their past, their present, their darkness and their strength... EVERYTHING about them makes them who they are. so i guess, in a way, i can sympathise with everyone. i do not wish to change or help psychopaths to be normal people; i just wish to know their story. because most of them, have reasons which made them they way they are. like everyone else. ultimately though, i think everyone have a voice and a story which deserved to be heard. and i am all ears. without judgement.
@@kailanGoreng I can't agree with you more!
Since we notice every little change in someone's emotions, and it appears that both one else can... it makes me think that I must be psychotic because I know how someone else is feeling, almost exactly... and it would be so easy to just go along and use that against them...
😅🤔 too deep I think... 😬
That's exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for saying that I'm not a weight on someone else's shoulders and I'm not too much. Because that's something I've been struggling with for a lot time and forcing myself to be reserved and hold back.
Wait... I actually paused to type this, and the next second you say we should hold back haha (but I guess that's about forgiveness, and I get the point, but it's hard to hold back one thing and let loose the other, because that's not how we ENFPs work, we roll with our whole heart on the line)
I think, for me at least, it's more than just caring about people. If we can help someone, it feels it's our duty. As if _not_ helping would make us a bad person. It's very easy for that to turn into thinking your only worth is helping people.
Over time that really makes you devalue your own wants or needs because they feel self-indulgent. I think it's just baby steps. Starting to meet your own needs, even just in little ways. Creating some boundaries. Taking stock in your relationships with people. Do they give support back to you? Or is it a one-way street? Take care of yourselves ENFPs. You don't have to prove yourself worthy, you're wonderful just for being you!
I'm in love with an ENFP. I am an INFJ and he sees me as a kind and caring friend. I suspect more based on how he treats me, but won't admit to it. He's had an extremely hard childhood and life. He's made some bad choices in the past, but is working incredibly hard to get his life back on track. I am so proud of him and wish he would allow me to do more to support him. I love his joy and laughter. I've seen the good, bad, and even some of the ugly. He's the 1st man to say he cares about me and appreciates me. I will never believe he is too much. I don't want him to ever leave my life. I pray we will be friends forever.
I'm over 40 now and I feel like I can't be a people-lover anymore - people can be really mean and lie, I'm easily manipulated and forgive easily. I avoid and listen to my husband instead cause he is smarter. Have such a calmer life now. He is an intj and agrees with you. I'm like an impulsive puppy who is way to loyal and forgiving. So thank god for infjs and intjs.
Thank god indeed. My exhusband of 20 years is still my friend and I go to him for ethical and moral advice from time to time lol.
As an enfp, this is so true of me. My great curiosity about people perhaps makes me go to those who are different and that could mean to go to the darkness and turn the light on for people. But the danger is in what you explained here. After years of allowing my narcissist ex to destroy my life and steal almost everything, I became totally depleted mentally and physically and financially. Now I'm seeing how badly I treated myself by not leaving as soon as I saw the red flags. My naive and toxically optimistic self has lived and tried to function in the cruel presence of evil. It was bizarre and baffling but I'm still alive!! And for this I thank and praise the Almighty God Who continually saves my life from death! I do think I did most things well and it would have been so wonderful to have done all these things with the right person instead of a human parasite. What you say is true. Our heart longs to love well and also to be loved.
I can relate to so much of what you are saying. I am currently divorcing a covert narcissist. I also feel like I did most things right because I did them from my heart. Example, if I had cooked two pieces of meat and one did not look as appetizing I would give him the more appetizing piece of meat. I was capable of loving someone the way I wanted to be loved. This has always come naturally for me and I don't believe it comes naturally for a lot of people. I truly wanted to see the good and this man and I gave as much as I possibly could. I realized he had been faking who he was. The moments where you think to yourself this feels really strange I think those moments kept me very intrigued and puzzled and it kind of keeps you off guard as well. Even though they have hurt us tremendously we still question ourselves did I do something wrong and the answer is no probably not. None of us are perfect we all have flaws but I know what you're saying I understand what you're saying because I truly did give from the heart so I believe you and I see you. My prayer is that we all find Circles of people that we can draw from even if it's not one person one mate or one best friend but that we receive love from our brothers and sisters here who are able to give it back to us. May God bless you and prosper you I pray in Jesus name! ❤️❤️❤️
I laughed when you said we believe we can make any person good because it’s so true. I’ll watch violent crime documentaries and think, I just wanna speak to them, I have this feeling like they are good deep down and I can bring that out in them! Learning that a relationship can’t solve all of your problems and that you can’t force people to give you what you give them was huge in having a healthy marriage for me. I often have no boundaries with my husband and I expected him to be the same, over time I’ve learnt to respect and not resent his and set my own!
You are like the cutest INFJ I have ever seen :3 This video is so nice and warm
This guy is SO SWEET!! I feel so appreciated and loved after watching this! 😭💕
Thank you Erik! Yea.. I love others way too much.. I value them at their highest selves.. not the reality.
I played manic pixie dream girl for an ESTP and an INFJ …. Neither of them value me now.. the ESTP didn’t see me at all and the INFJ.. well .. every INFP he came across was “more valuable than both of us”. . . Until they weren’t.
I’m tired. . . And worst of all.. I’m lost.
I am an ENFP and I cried watching this video. I am meeting an INFJ guy who is very introverted and wont open up. Embarrassed myself quite a few times in front of him. Got frustrated. Then I started watching your videos. And I can see he makes efforts. I want to tell him how (I won't till I know is comfortable enough to listening) much appreciate his efforts and I understand what he is going through and how conversations don't come naturally to him but he still makes small efforts so I don't feel weird or frustrated.
This is a guy my parents set up to meet. I might have never understood him if I hadn't watched few of your videos.
If at all we pursue a relationship or say get married for that matter. It's going to be because you existed. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You're an amazing person.
To everyone, especially my fellow ENFPs,
Love yourself first and foremost and become the best lover of everyone else.
❤️
From wat I gathered we enfps are just care bears and damn right we got the care bear stare lol 😂😂😂😂
Thanks for the great video, Erik! As an ENFP I find it extremely important to make sure people (all of them 😅) feel accepted, appreciated and loved. I give everyone trust and the freedom to be themselves without feeling judged. This resulted in a ton of great friends, but also stalkers and narcissists along the way. That's why I want to know a lot about psychopaths. I want to learn more to protect myself from them, without ever building walls or not accepting everyone. 💙
No lies Man! That's my BIG question! Why people can't see they are awesome 😂😔😅🙂. THANK YOU! This channel is amazing 🔥
I was at the verge of tears all the time. I didn't know I needed to listen to this until you actually said the words. Thank you for taking the time to remember us important things we easily forget. I could feel your honesty and love the entire video. If I could I would give you a big hug right now! Have a great day! You definetly made mine.
beautiful video as always. I find myself "falling in love" with almost everyone I meet so quickly. I know this is just me looking for and seeing the good in everyone and magnifying those qualities in my mind. I love complimenting people and lifting them up and encouraging them. I do feel that others do not reciprocate my behavior but i continue to do it, not to prove a point but simply because it is at the core of who I am and I do it without thinking. however I never feel like I can really change anyone, I feel like enfj's and esfj's feel like they can do this and I feel I observe them actually trying to do this. I am happy just to be a source of light to show others that it can and does exist and if others have dimmed their light or are scared to be nice, show them they can do it. if they do not change though I do not lose sleep over it. I can move on. unfortunately (and perhaps fortunately) I have some narcissists in my family so I am able to recognize these dark traits quickly. I am constantly on guard to avoid welcoming any narcissists into my life. I am a friendly person but I have strong boundaries.
Such a beautiful and respectful analysis! Thank you so much for saying that, Erik. As an ENFP, I can absolutely recognise the desire to win people over, to show them how beautiful they are regardless of what they feel. This sometimes gets me in trouble as people get overwhelmed and just cannot relate it to their self image and I beat myself up about it for months. I love your point that the best growth comes through the inside... Looking forward to exploring that further :)
I'm an INFJ and INTJ, I plan to give this guy my contact who's an enfp. He. First initiated.
Thanks Eric. I like the gray background for this gritty topic. I’m an ENFP and uwhen I love it’s unconditional and a choice more than a feeling. It’s just morally right to love everyone and accept regardless of whether it’s returned. So in the short term we might not feel the reciprocity, but over time we at least have the respect of others in our dedication. Also I don’t expect love to be returned in the way I give, so I tolerate almost any behavior and accept it as love. I’ve been in a relationship for 25 years that has been wonderful but never emotionally reciprocated even remotely except in a sense of duty. What you say is true, I never learned to look at whether someone is good for me, I really just looked at if they needed me to steer them and encourage them through dark days because love is just a decision. I do believe as an ENFP that your advice is very important. I do feel a deep emptiness but I choose this path to where I am, and I know that in other ways, such as stability of living I am better off. So this balance has been more towards stability and less towards deep emotional connection. I find those connections everywhere I go and this is like a quick fix to get me by day to day. Fortunately these little interactions keep my connected enough to justify my decisions. But they don’t add up to a relationship where you can listen to the rain and stare at the trees for hours, or the look of affection from the eyes of your loved one. Sometimes I think that’s the best measure of love, and something I overlooked when I set off to where I am. But then again, I’ve looked into those eyes but never materialised that path. Not because that path isn’t possible, I just feel that structure is a foundation to build on. And ephemeral feelings just evaporate before the practical things can form a plan or solidify. Now I’m building a platform for myself based on my creative interests but this hasn’t produced anything financially, and my partner has a good job, so I am free to build my platform based on interests, and then one day I can build a love interest as well. It doesn’t have to be in that order, I could have listened to Ray Bradbury’s advice “jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down”. I used to think this meant just exploring life’s possibilities and trusting that process, now it feels like there’s more to the story. Falling off the cliff feels like falling uncontrollably at first. It’s scary. And the wings have to be built from painful and happy experiences that teach us how to flap our wings. And for every 10 that try to jump, how many flap away and how many crash? How many crash and later realize they actually are where they wanted to be? Are the wings just our ego? Well, I still haven’t jumped but I looked over the edge and I know where I want to jump. When the time is right, I’ll crash and that will be a rebirth and my opportunity to build a relationship that involves a lot of soul gazing. Maybe I’m too patient at waiting. Maybe I’m waiting for Gudot.
I wish you the very best. You sound content with your life choices.
I was in a somewhat similar situation (but the monetary stability included mental abuse). Taking the leap of change was terrifying. But ultimately it was the most rewarding thing I could have done.
I try to rely on my faith in those times of jumping off the cliff. Though I know that's different for everyone.
I hope you find your wings, in whatever way makes you the happiest and the most yourself.
Yes. I think its becausei Im an enneagram 2w3. , also. 279.
I have been single for the last 3 years, because I get hurt too deeply. I tend to pick cluster B personalities trying to show them love. I was married for 15 years, and he took EVERYTHING, and blew it on drugs. He left me with nothing but my two sons. All my relationships were one sided, and I always left after one year. I wish I was more selfish. I had to learn to love and live for myself. Thank you kindly for your insight. I long to be like Mother Theresa and save the all the people of the world, but I had to rescue myself first. Life is too short.
This is so frickin real, can't say how close to my experience of life and love this is. Thank you. Finally learning that the toxic people are just too toxic and damaging.
This was so sweet and genuine. Your kindness eluded throughout the video.
I am Tye and this is my Ministries account
I am ENFO and you have said true sure thing about us and especially me.
I agree we love too much and we are attracted to people who doesn’t deserve our love most of the times.
If you start Narowing down all the divorces you have heard from the neighbourhood, ENFP’s are mostly involved and you will realise they are mostly treated very bad in relationship enduring with positivity and hopes.
I think we should invest our time into deep meditation of understanding God who can shape us because no one can fix us, not even ourselves but the greater power from Above.
I absolutely can heal people with my love, do it all the time with people who recognize and invite me but especially children. And it does explain the rejection of my love with people who feel they don’t deserve it. And the instant connection with narcissists who use my love as self validation. Age is wisdom tho, I’ve gotten a lot better at spotting all these things and either waiting it out or shutting it down.
Enfp here. I'm not attracted to dark twisted people just because they are dark. And I am definitely not attracted to toxic people that I know they aren't good for me. But I do get attracted to some troubled individuals, because I can empathise with them. It's just the good will in me that wants to be present for them. I don't want to fix them, but I want to help them heal. Not the INFJ kind who gets attracted to a person because they wanna fix them. I understand the pain and the chaos in them, and I am comfortable sitting through it with them, because that's what we do everyday. Feeling too much chaos(Fi).
💖
That's so true. Im always insecure of being too much or too enthusiastic
I think tha we ENFP's are curious about psicopaths not because we want to be with them, but because we are in touch with the darkness within us more than any other type, and it's a way of knowing what we can become if we allow the darkness to win, ENFP feel emotions raw, both good and evil and we are true to them no matter what they are, that's why is so important for us to become strong willed with draconian rules that we must not cross.... just my opinion though. =D
Fun fact, most serial killers are ENFP's!
Very true as usual. Thank you. -an E.N.F.P.
Omg love has totally ruined my life. I only know my love. It's never reciprocated. I cried when I saw this. I can't understand why anyone would love halfway. I can't understand evil. It's totally destroyed me. I don't know if I'll ever get me back now. If the person is 99% shithead I will cling to the 1% that they might be good. I never see it coming but I guess Love is the biggest lie. Trauma is a big game changer and an ENFP like me doesn't have it in them to see it coming. We couldn't possibly grasp that somebody could think it's okay to hurt somebody just because they can. I've always been the person that likes to make people happy. I love to heal people with my laughter and my love for them but they don't appreciate it ever. I'm hopeful but definitely disappointed. I think I'm an INFP now. Thank you for the video it gave me a lot of insight on myself and I wish I had seen it when I was younger.
This was very generous of you. You are so vulnerable, and that is so attractive. I feel supported.
You're a wonderful person.
erik, i have watched several of your videos, and you make me feel respected and acknowledged too. I think I take it for granted, and when i encounter people who don't, it is shocking.
More than likely. Too funny. One of my nicknames is Becca, 🤣 Though only a very select few persons have ever called me that... and after growing up “becky” what a nice change it was.
MBTI has helped grow so much. I find in my spiritual journey I only go by the leading of my Father God Creator of the Universe. I think other could also have false perceptions of what God’s in people. We are only to use our gift for His will in agreement with the individual who struggling. Healers or others with different gifts don't just go around like a showman. And foremost in my understanding... God gave me my gifts for free even though I had to study and learn under those who I had to learn to discern their roots of passion and path, I just can not see having to have some lavish life style to bring it about... Sure like all things with time we build, nothing happens over night, I learned oh so long ago from a great Christian speaker... there is no such thing as a drive thru break-through (ty JM 😘) and believe you me that was a tough and looong lesson to grasp.
I think if science (which to me lines up w the Bible), theology and psychology and even philosophy would mingle a bit we my discover we just look at the same thing somewhat the same way, just from different angles like a prism. And all the colors are there, and it's crystal clear!
Thank you so much!
Thank you!
I wasn't sure which type I am but this video and another infp one you did both made me feel so defined and understood that I cried. Thank you!
Hi Erik! Love your videos! I'm an ESFJ and I find your videos extremely on point!
Could you make more videos about ESFJ's by any chance? ESFJ body language, etc...
Yes as an ESFJ and 3 wing 2....I love your videos on all types, but rarely do people make them for us. I know you have one, but can we have one more? Lol
Thank you for your work and for your understanding of us, it's always appreciated. Also, I just adore you😊 and I thank you for the sound advice and I laughed a lot too which I appreciate just as much.
I'm constantly getting better but Im ready to give and receive. I've caught up with myself and have a quiet confidence and ready for him. Not to fix him because he's enough.
Can you please but please make a video about romantic relationsheep/marriage between ENTJ male and ENFP female??? Please please please please.
Wow. Thank you. And, side note- ima bout to go find myself an INTJ, cause wtf?! How the heck do you know. INTJ, right?! I'm new to these letters... but shiznit. I could go on some serious rambles... thank you for this! Holy moly :)
Really loved this video 😊
we basically think we are Naruto...
haha aw then whos sasuke
@@ErikThor mmmh maybe INFJs .. from my experience they are stubborn and not easy to convince. They are also likely to go into some deep spirals sometimes. But yeah if there is someone capable of being them a bit of light is an ENFP.. I might be wrong tho, but it kinda makes sense to me :)
@@ErikThor Provavelmente um INTJ insalubre.😅
Thank you 🥹
Thank you! This video is so good...
Thank you so much man, you really give me hope:)
Thank you❤️
Thanks for a new video!!
Thank you.
I love your INFP videos, they are so spot-on!
Love is never late….. I’m 47 and just went thru Yet Another breakup …. How much longer do I have to wait???
Who else saw the green flashes on the screen?
What’s the discord?
👍
This music video always reminded me of how it felt when people rejected my positive energy. By the end of the day you could clearly see I had a bad day: czcams.com/video/Pf4fiP7SQF8/video.html
Please Can you Put the subtiles again my english is not very good
they should be up tomorrow :)
To take a more objective perspective, as an ENFP. Fi is selfish. We care about how we affect others because it cuts through Fi. Individuality/freedom is often a core Fi value, which leads to that ability to empathise with other viewpoints more easily. At the end of the day, however, this can all be reduced to "it's how it makes us feel." It's not altruistic. Some would simply call this selfish. I wouldn't say it's good or bad, but I don't see ENFP as a genuinely self-sacrificing for the good of others type, like, say... an INFJ. It's always fascinating to hear NiFe desperately trying to make sense of how Fi works - it's your own morbid curiosity in a way, but understanding is always just out of reach.
I feel the same way about how INFJs think, I love their company but even after being close for over 20 years we can boggle each other. Fe is as foreign to me as Fi for others - I'll find it easier to understand how an ISTJ thinks. Despite that, I've been told by INFJs that an ENFP can make them feel comfortable emotionally (ESTP would be the physical side).
Very poor systematic understanding of typology, you are part of the reason why its not taken seriously.
I disagree.
Uggg, you are very harsh. I disagree totally!
@@StacyRenardPiano lol emotional
@@yedoru4448 wait explain more
What do you mean
@@Winter_B12 I don't understand, what in particular did I say was unclear?
This was really interesting. I’m an ENFP…I am always told I’m too happy, too enthusiastic, too optimistic, idealistic etc. I always find it odd because I tend to feel the opposite…that I am not happy enough etc. And I def experienced that with a narcissistic husband…now I’m edging towards a relationship with an INFJ…gradually gaining his trust…not easy lol!
Having a narcissistic mate can be a really rough road. Been there too.
Glad you are healing from that.
Thank you so much!!!