Bert Kreischer Robbed A Train With The Russian Mafia | CONAN on TBS

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  • čas přidán 23. 01. 2017
  • CONAN Highlight: Bert studied abroad in Russia when he was 22 and learned the language the old fashioned way - by joining the mob.
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    Bert Kreischer Robbed A Train With The Russian Mafia | CONAN on TBS
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Komentáře • 2,6K

  • @Tom-ds1kc
    @Tom-ds1kc Před 4 lety +15120

    I just imagine a Russian watching this being like “That’s the machine”

    • @immortal5242
      @immortal5242 Před 4 lety +156

      The ExplorationS.I I know zhat mozher fuccerr from rrrrusssia.

    • @reekreeker3375
      @reekreeker3375 Před 4 lety +144

      Not really. Russians, like me, are being like "That's a cringy American fantasy".

    • @waldo5574
      @waldo5574 Před 4 lety +366

      @@reekreeker3375 except it actually happened lol. He's got tons of proof to back it up.

    • @dablasit
      @dablasit Před 4 lety +34

      @@waldo5574 Where? I'm curious

    • @cameronmeline7331
      @cameronmeline7331 Před 4 lety +17

      DaBlaSit social media I think

  • @KTF0
    @KTF0 Před 7 lety +6795

    That can't be Bert Kreischer, he has a shirt on while telling this story.

  • @howardmckenna
    @howardmckenna Před 5 lety +4276

    My Dad lived in Moscow at the same time, managed a casino. Nothing but mafia stories.

    • @michaelnguyen9594
      @michaelnguyen9594 Před 4 lety +157

      @Adam Chlebovec Lol, you probably salty you didn't to experience it

    • @100ThievesYT
      @100ThievesYT Před 4 lety +3

      @Adam Chlebovec LMAOO

    • @_jimmythesaint
      @_jimmythesaint Před 4 lety +8

      tell us some pleaseeee

    • @RickDeckardMemories
      @RickDeckardMemories Před 4 lety +18

      Dude, I am from Russia.
      Born 1968, left 1992.
      If your dad had been involved in prostitution in Moscow in the 90s, he would have even more "mafia stories".
      Interestingly, if your dad had been involved in gambling or prostitution in the US .... guess what kind of stories he would have?
      (hint: "MAFIA STORIES")
      Also in China.
      France.
      Australia.
      Cuba.
      How about everywhere?
      Maybe it's more the industry/occupation, and less the location, what do you think?
      Hahahahahahahahaha Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    • @f4ll3na1m4
      @f4ll3na1m4 Před 4 lety +5

      @Adam Chlebovec his dad? What's wrong with owning a casino?

  • @washkabe9179
    @washkabe9179 Před 4 lety +4101

    Some Russian guy is going to be watching this with his son and he'll smile and say "That, my boy. THAT is the Machine."

    • @napoleonbonerfarte6739
      @napoleonbonerfarte6739 Před 3 lety +4

      @Suffer No Fools there would be no reason for the pictures to be uploaded to the internet beforehand, this was the 90s.

    • @marselbikbaev2427
      @marselbikbaev2427 Před 3 lety +42

      I'm russian and he is the machine

    • @jonpoon3896
      @jonpoon3896 Před 3 lety +69

      And some American guy watching with his son saying, “that guy right there.. he robbed us on a train in Russia. That is the machine”

    • @washkabe9179
      @washkabe9179 Před 3 lety +4

      @@jonpoon3896 Touche

    • @andrewcampbell3314
      @andrewcampbell3314 Před 2 lety +7

      Give the machine vodka and you have good time....... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @1evol909
    @1evol909 Před 7 lety +7273

    i swear this story would be a kick ass movie

    • @Galaxic
      @Galaxic Před 6 lety +91

      909 _ tonez it could make a good comedy

    • @Jay-bi5uf
      @Jay-bi5uf Před 5 lety +65

      Comedy/action for sure 👍👌

    • @JetX42
      @JetX42 Před 5 lety +13

      I’m on it

    • @ninjaofslo
      @ninjaofslo Před 5 lety +28

      I mean if you’ve watched Van Wilder it’s loosely based on his life

    • @jaeminchoi6756
      @jaeminchoi6756 Před 5 lety +1

      909 _ tonez short movie****

  • @modelcitizen1977
    @modelcitizen1977 Před 7 lety +5193

    I don't care how many times he tells it, it doesn't get old.

    • @nickmorton2354
      @nickmorton2354 Před 7 lety +16

      Andrew Elias I heard it on loveline I think about 2007. One of the best stories by a comedian of all time

    • @rubylovesyousm
      @rubylovesyousm Před 7 lety +3

      Andrew Elias where can i find the full story?

    • @Red5Dozer
      @Red5Dozer Před 7 lety +2

      Ban The Immortal just look up "bert kreischer the machine"

    • @nickmorton2354
      @nickmorton2354 Před 7 lety +3

      Ban The Immortal type the machine and half way throw spelling it it will come up. It's amazing

    • @pattypcollins
      @pattypcollins Před 7 lety +17

      check out when he first told it on Joe Rogans podcast best version

  • @mollymojave484
    @mollymojave484 Před 5 lety +2446

    “That liberal arts confidence” 😂

    • @SimoExMachina2
      @SimoExMachina2 Před 2 lety +26

      The "science" that doesn't teach you anything useful, but bloats your ego and and makes you a victim, at the same time.

    • @gregh5061
      @gregh5061 Před 2 lety +15

      @@SimoExMachina2 dude chill

    • @zurzakne-etra7069
      @zurzakne-etra7069 Před 2 lety +4

      @@SimoExMachina2 yo calm it's a joke

    • @vincentmorrelli3025
      @vincentmorrelli3025 Před 2 lety +1

      AMEN

    • @hrv8008
      @hrv8008 Před 2 lety +4

      @@SimoExMachina2 You must be a liberal arts graduate! 😂

  • @rafael_ledezma8867
    @rafael_ledezma8867 Před 5 lety +4868

    This sounds like a movie that would star Jonah Hill as “The Machine”.

  • @JoshuaKevinPerry
    @JoshuaKevinPerry Před 7 lety +18546

    I have heard this story well over 20 times and it still cracks me up

    • @jsc1992
      @jsc1992 Před 6 lety +63

      too bad its bs

    • @SamPower782
      @SamPower782 Před 6 lety +185

      Heaviside Sama there’s a picture of him and igor somewhere

    • @dylanderting1818
      @dylanderting1818 Před 6 lety +6

      Joshua Perry same

    • @Freyia935
      @Freyia935 Před 6 lety +59

      Its a funny story but there is a other video of him explaining the story in a podcast but this time he had a friend josh with him who also partied with the gangsters

    • @isaac5922
      @isaac5922 Před 6 lety +2

      Joshua Perry I

  • @stephen-ng
    @stephen-ng Před 7 lety +5280

    This story needs to be turned by RockStar into GTA: Russia.

    • @rogerlikesbud
      @rogerlikesbud Před 6 lety +25

      Stephen Ng it could literally be the introduction to the game like 5s intro

    • @voilin
      @voilin Před 6 lety +7

      There is a mod for sa called Criminal Russia

    • @PPWRUP
      @PPWRUP Před 6 lety +4

      +Voilin well, yeah, but it's pretty shoddy.

    • @legozeke246
      @legozeke246 Před 6 lety +1

      Chris Hansen bro I’m curious am Is this one of thousands videos you comment on or is it this one in particular

    • @couriertx
      @couriertx Před 5 lety +8

      It’s called GTA 4

  • @misha8603
    @misha8603 Před 4 lety +4339

    This is actually what happens in Russia, you gain respect for the mafia then you can do basically whatever you want. And Russian mafia, and cops don’t care

    • @Kattensimba
      @Kattensimba Před 4 lety +176

      Mafia in russia is much more organised than anywhere else in the world acording to Interpol

    • @glenncole7909
      @glenncole7909 Před 4 lety +124

      it is also the best educated. even in the Russian mafia education is valued very highly. The Red Mafia has a lot of members with PHDs. czcams.com/video/3MesqnFXWSI/video.html These guys are ruthless, violent, and intelligent. Most governments can cope with the first 2 but that last 1 triumphs in the long run.

    • @nathangainesy8885
      @nathangainesy8885 Před 4 lety +34

      Yeah, cops don't care, until the FSB Alfa team shows up and knocks on your door with explosives 😂

    • @kamw4010
      @kamw4010 Před 4 lety +42

      It helps if you can get real drunk and entertain and gain respect through your stories. I can see him falling into that, of course names and exact details are swapped to protect himself and his old friends.

    • @Zetsuke4
      @Zetsuke4 Před 4 lety +2

      LOL

  • @deanjuliano7849
    @deanjuliano7849 Před 4 lety +924

    I've seen him tell the story AT LEAST 86 times! In person, at the Philly Helium or in New York, or (classically) on JRE or his own podcast.
    But I've never seen him try to tell it in under 6 minutes! WTF.......?!?!

    • @ashchaya7676
      @ashchaya7676 Před 4 lety +69

      I was thinking the same thing. He compressed it down very well, and clearly understood he shouldn't eat up 15 minutes of air time on a talk show. Nice!

    • @Alta368
      @Alta368 Před 4 lety +18

      or with a shirt on

  • @onjofilms
    @onjofilms Před 7 lety +7111

    So true. I worked 6 weeks in St Petersburg about that time. Mafia ran everything. But they didn't call themselves Mafia, they called themselves business men.

    • @jiebrielz.abrari2176
      @jiebrielz.abrari2176 Před 6 lety +15

      BourbonLegend XD

    • @legozeke246
      @legozeke246 Před 6 lety +52

      Chris Hansen he wasn’t saying that it was 100% confirmed that his story was true he was just mentioning that’s it was possible at that time and place. Whereas you seem to not even give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Yeah He’s a comedian and probably made the thing up. Stand ups having been doing it for years making up an interesting story to get a laugh this guy just so happened to strike gold with this story real or not because it’s a funny routine. If he really is a one trick pony he’ll die out in popularity pretty quick just let the guy have his fifteen minutes of fame and stop telling everyone the story that the story is fake and to bring you evidence because other than proving that he did wear a fanny pack they can’t prove it was real
      Now if you had actual verifiable proof that He is lying feel free to tell, it would mean absolutely nothing because the story is still funny but at least you’d be happy being right but the fact is I can’t prove it’s real & most probably you can’t prove it’s not

    • @legozeke246
      @legozeke246 Před 6 lety +3

      Chris Hansen
      “You first sentence is wrong.”
      (He did stating reasoning or make an argument at all so I’ll assume this is a child and respond in language.)
      Oh yeah You face is WRONG
      Anyway jokes aside
      Yeah fill free to call my statements wrong but be warned until you actually explain why it’s wrong your statement will be just truthful as calling yourself a Star Destroyer
      again you’re assuming.
      I said if you have evidence feel free to state that but however you haven’t given evidence as to what makes the story fake except sounding sounding kinda fake. You’ve just been saying it’s fake telling everyone else to give you evidence instead of presenting your own
      And yes I’m Bert... (muhaha) obviously CZcams commenters as we all know are the most important and unbiased critics on the planet and I have come to stop anyone trying to stop my rise to power.
      No sadly the real reason I’m here is not nearly that funny
      The reason I’m is that I was scrolling through the comments and I got tired of people who forget evidence is a two way bridge in this scenario and ask for evidence and never back up their arguments with fact. People like you who hide behind logic and reason but never put any on display.

    • @legozeke246
      @legozeke246 Před 6 lety +4

      Chris Hansen ok so since you are ignoring my requests for reason. Also your statement contradicts itself, why are you telling people it’s fake if everyone knows it. Anyway lack of evidence is not evidence btw. Anyway enough of this
      The story was funny.
      It was probably fake.
      Bert will no doubt fade into obscurity because this is literally the one funny story/joke he has.
      I’m done.
      Cya.

    • @actinganimal885
      @actinganimal885 Před 6 lety +2

      Ugh hum legitimate businesses men

  • @Philth_E
    @Philth_E Před 7 lety +4385

    Ive heard the machine story many times over the years, gets better with age!

    • @gijs.22
      @gijs.22 Před 6 lety

      Philth- E i almost hear it every other months and i still love it

    • @bathoryaria4127
      @bathoryaria4127 Před 6 lety +1

      Same. I've heard it a few times since I discovered Bert awhile back, and it never gets old.

    • @simbauchiha9904
      @simbauchiha9904 Před 5 lety

      Philth- E is he really mafia 🤣😳

  • @abelblahblahblah2109
    @abelblahblahblah2109 Před 5 lety +1861

    i wonder if the mafia still remembers him lmao

    • @hattthecat
      @hattthecat Před 4 lety +236

      "Ehhh that's the machine" "Cmere son let me tell you a story about the machine"

    • @sandmtnirishred
      @sandmtnirishred Před 4 lety +25

      THAT'S A BIG DUH! 10-4

    • @cryinshinji7681
      @cryinshinji7681 Před 4 lety +53

      @Pink Alien or just boozing out with cops, robbing train carts and robbing people 🤷‍♂️

    • @Phoenx77
      @Phoenx77 Před 4 lety +16

      Mar y Sol “So young KOMRADE you be like the machine!”

    • @rogersartandsolutions5074
      @rogersartandsolutions5074 Před 4 lety +19

      @done done so his classmates photos and posts confirming everything Bert said about this are made up too?

  • @BensBoringVideos
    @BensBoringVideos Před 4 lety +670

    He's gonna be so embarrassed when he realizes he's wearing a shirt

  • @JonasofPersia
    @JonasofPersia Před 7 lety +1242

    "The Machine". Coolest nickname ever.

  • @sartanko
    @sartanko Před 7 lety +3120

    He's not lying, he is waaaay too excited about it.

    • @oorgiy
      @oorgiy Před 6 lety +318

      I'm from Russia and i can say that it could be the truth

    • @popeye697
      @popeye697 Před 6 lety +37

      It's totally true

    • @dwighthalpert8364
      @dwighthalpert8364 Před 6 lety +321

      It’s true. There’s actually a picture of him drinking with those same guys in Russia, floating around the internet. Should be easy to find actually

    • @oorgiy
      @oorgiy Před 6 lety +21

      Chris Hansen i was born in 95, and there is no smartphones these days, and photos was not so good

    • @honestabe7099
      @honestabe7099 Před 6 lety +3

      thank you Ivan! somebody had to say it

  • @uuqurok4359
    @uuqurok4359 Před 4 lety +1326

    As russian I just want to say: Wtf, machine? Why are you left us? We can't drink vodka without you.

    • @thedaniel2147
      @thedaniel2147 Před 4 lety +38

      This are hard times for us pls come back

    • @uhavemooface
      @uhavemooface Před 2 lety

      Lol

    • @arnavkhandekar166
      @arnavkhandekar166 Před rokem

      What does the "machine" mean actually

    • @user-iy9to9cl9q
      @user-iy9to9cl9q Před rokem +1

      @@arnavkhandekar166 it means basically the same as english word. Some mechanism with moving parts. Also it can mean "a car". But when you call some person a machine in russian it also means that he is strong and unstoppable like a mechanism not like a living creature that can feel pain or fear.

  • @craftyoctober
    @craftyoctober Před 4 lety +327

    This story NEVER gets old.

  • @metastabillity8991
    @metastabillity8991 Před 6 lety +4519

    Notice this was a 5 minute story here. Now i love Jimmy Falon, But if he was on his show. This would be 2 hours long with Jimmy constantly interrupting him

    • @ImSonnyBurnett
      @ImSonnyBurnett Před 5 lety +223

      If he were on Colbert, Steve would be blaming Trump.

    • @gerhardebenhart6481
      @gerhardebenhart6481 Před 5 lety +174

      Don't forget the fake laughs and desk-slapping.

    • @dannemannen18
      @dannemannen18 Před 5 lety +148

      "Oh it was 1995?" HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA "Oh they smoked cigarettes?" HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • @gustavoespinosa7970
      @gustavoespinosa7970 Před 5 lety +71

      Conan is the best talk show host because he lets the guest tell their stories and keeps his comments on the story to small quibs.

    • @erronmorgan993
      @erronmorgan993 Před 5 lety +31

      I know this is late, but nah Fallon would’ve interrupted so much that the guest doesn’t even have time to tell the story

  • @randymonster4105
    @randymonster4105 Před 7 lety +1068

    It's weird that that audience was fckin dead. That story was epic and true. This guy is the fckin MACHINE!

    • @poppe191
      @poppe191 Před 7 lety +7

      How do you know that it was true?

    • @kotic33
      @kotic33 Před 7 lety +35

      poppe191 theres a picture of it with the russians

    • @Sam61493
      @Sam61493 Před 7 lety +16

      i don't think they were dead, like me, seems like they were listening intently

    • @JayTac1
      @JayTac1 Před 7 lety +5

      kotic33 A picture of what? Him robbing a train?

    • @randymonster4105
      @randymonster4105 Před 7 lety +2

      JayTac1 google it lazy turd!

  • @oneeyedking7465
    @oneeyedking7465 Před 4 lety +181

    I want a reunion video of him and his mob friends

    • @vrcmf3172
      @vrcmf3172 Před 3 lety +11

      They actually met in Russia... Sasha a mafia guy who turned his life around met him... if you look up Bert In Russia 95... the guy in red with a gun in his waste band is the guy.

  • @DanielFlores-gx7xi
    @DanielFlores-gx7xi Před 4 lety +154

    I wonder if any of those gangsters has ever tried to reach out to him.

    • @ndcentral8194
      @ndcentral8194 Před 3 lety +17

      They did have a meet up a while back with one of the Mafia guys who pretty much turned a new leaf.

    • @43110clyde
      @43110clyde Před 3 lety +7

      @@ndcentral8194 wait what? Any way you can link me to a video or news article?

  • @brandondebruin375
    @brandondebruin375 Před 7 lety +3868

    this has to be the best story ever told on CONAN

    • @DaedalusHelius
      @DaedalusHelius Před 7 lety +8

      if it was true :)

    • @C0M0estas
      @C0M0estas Před 7 lety +20

      DaedalusHelius _ He could be telling the truth and stretching it by the sounds of it. Apparently he's been able to prove the basis of this story. Still cringing seeing Conan completely faking enthusiasm.

    • @Bidwellz9
      @Bidwellz9 Před 7 lety +6

      he went to russia, end of story, nothing else was true lol clearly

    • @brandondebruin375
      @brandondebruin375 Před 7 lety +6

      DaedalusHelius | it doesn't need to be true. It's still a great story

    • @milwaukeebrewers6337
      @milwaukeebrewers6337 Před 7 lety +36

      DaedalusHelius it's a true story, there's a picture of him with like 4 Russian mafia guys.

  • @drunksavage138
    @drunksavage138 Před 7 lety +827

    Conan is gonna party with the Machine tonight

  • @samsam18200
    @samsam18200 Před rokem +26

    This is a masterclass in comedy right here. This story is supposed to be 15-20 minutes long, but he made it happen in under 5, while being asked questions. Bravo big boy!

  • @nicholassnyder9552
    @nicholassnyder9552 Před 5 lety +167

    Should’ve written a book
    “The Machine a tale of one man and the Russian mafia”

    • @lexizager3547
      @lexizager3547 Před 3 lety

      He tells the story in his book! Go check out the audible version!

    • @rexjolles
      @rexjolles Před 3 lety

      there's a movie soon

  • @noiserrr
    @noiserrr Před 7 lety +2194

    what the hell is wrong with the audience. that story was gold and funny as hell.

    • @enigmatic474
      @enigmatic474 Před 7 lety +147

      it's an american audience, bless their gentle hearts

    • @MrMejia187
      @MrMejia187 Před 7 lety +93

      noiserrr They probably all thought it was bs

    • @ProtusMose
      @ProtusMose Před 7 lety +6

      Rapt attention.

    • @zacht9056
      @zacht9056 Před 6 lety +44

      Lol nah you should have heard the version of him cursing every 4 words 😂

    • @Lemme-sniff-ya
      @Lemme-sniff-ya Před 6 lety +13

      He did not have the time for timing maybe?

  • @HeWhoChills
    @HeWhoChills Před 7 lety +1739

    This needs to be made into a mini series or a season starring Danny McBride as Bert. Hey Netflix, get off your lazy ass and get this done ASAP.

    • @MrDanielSolano007
      @MrDanielSolano007 Před 7 lety +19

      HeWhoChills you do know Van Wilder is based of this guy right? Look Bert up.

    • @thanosdarkseid8695
      @thanosdarkseid8695 Před 7 lety

      no claim, van wilder is based half on him fool!!! all comedians that know him attest to this even unamed ppl that wrote it know!....

    • @Bidwellz9
      @Bidwellz9 Před 7 lety +1

      netflix lazy?? lol they dont just buy already existing shows, they make full on productions, you think stranger things is lazy? orange is the new black? half a dozen comedy standups in 2 months is lazy to you???? wow i guess unless you blow uo the world youre not doing much huh?

    • @Bidwellz9
      @Bidwellz9 Před 7 lety

      just because someone says it is doesnt make it so...you are saying bert is so famous they made a movie about him in college, but didnt include any distinguishing information???? berts story and van wilder have ZERO to do with eachother, ZERO..a story about russia and a story about a kid who wont graduate because hes afraid of being an adult.....do they seem to be the same to you? van wilder is national lampoons...you know the people behind movies since before bert even thought about comedy??!!!

    • @StatueOfDavid
      @StatueOfDavid Před 7 lety +2

      Bidwellz9 stop acting like you know what you're talking about

  • @martybrown8559
    @martybrown8559 Před 4 lety +463

    Russia in the 90's was like the "wild west" in the USA...It's gotten a little better...now those gangsters are in politics!

    • @toomassaarnaps8437
      @toomassaarnaps8437 Před 4 lety

      marty brown same in Estonia

    • @klarastern5597
      @klarastern5597 Před 4 lety +10

      man... you need to get rid of Putin and give the power back to the people :/ Good luck 🍀 (no sarcasm... I just really hope for a good future for all of us... and for that to happen, some people need to lose power... like Kim Jong-un, Trump, Erdogan, MBS or Putin... 🌏💗🥳)

    • @huevosconchorizo8404
      @huevosconchorizo8404 Před 4 lety +7

      @@klarastern5597 why trump? What did he do and actually explain.

    • @klarastern5597
      @klarastern5597 Před 4 lety +2

      Huevoscon chorizo 🍭

    • @huevosconchorizo8404
      @huevosconchorizo8404 Před 4 lety +4

      @@klarastern5597 lol nothing.

  • @okkmurph
    @okkmurph Před 5 lety +91

    *pays off gangsters so they don’t get messed with
    *gets robbed by the gangsters

    • @frasermackenzie7275
      @frasermackenzie7275 Před 2 lety

      Yes but only the St. Petersburg boys were paid off by the American school. The ones on the train are the Moscow boys, that were only paid by the St. Petersburg to watch over them, but said nothing about Moscow Mafia robbing them, while in the protection of Moscow Mafia 😀 😉

  • @SouloHigh
    @SouloHigh Před 7 lety +1515

    How do some of you not realize that he is only telling this story because people keep asking him to? He has explained this before, he can't even do a show without telling it because people start chanting for the story, and they will be pissed if he doesn't tell it.

    • @Theomite
      @Theomite Před 5 lety +66

      Yeah, it's called "Freebird Syndrome"

    • @MuffFlux
      @MuffFlux Před 5 lety +5

      They ask him as a setup for his material. It's a joke.

    • @MrWongWey
      @MrWongWey Před 4 lety +16

      @@MuffFlux Its not. Do some research about his story. Shits legit.

    • @michellepietroburgo9141
      @michellepietroburgo9141 Před 4 lety +18

      @@MuffFlux nah dude, it's 1000% legit with pictures and classmates confirming his story and everything,.

    • @J4444ke
      @J4444ke Před 4 lety +7

      @@MrWongWey I mean, it's a real story but it's also a joke, and it's his material, and they do ask him to set him up for the story. Doesn't really matter if it's real or not in that context.

  • @salvararonkolbrunarson7734
    @salvararonkolbrunarson7734 Před 7 lety +2099

    Van Wilder is based off this guy

    • @Sn0reSnoreDan
      @Sn0reSnoreDan Před 7 lety +19

      ugly god He said it was loosly based on him. On the Bertcast Episode with Tom Segura and Bill Burr he explains it and also on the last time he was on Joe Rogan Experience Podcast

    • @We_Reddit
      @We_Reddit Před 7 lety +6

      Six years at FSU - he wasn't studyin' that's for sure.

    • @Glowsticks1000
      @Glowsticks1000 Před 7 lety +25

      Dude the producers admitted it

    • @salvararonkolbrunarson7734
      @salvararonkolbrunarson7734 Před 7 lety +6

      Thomas H Yes they did

    • @Glowsticks1000
      @Glowsticks1000 Před 7 lety +3

      Just google it dummy

  • @unknownceleb642
    @unknownceleb642 Před 4 lety +101

    I didnt believe this story for a long time until I saw the picture of him and the russians. One of the best pictures in history.

  • @shadypelican
    @shadypelican Před 5 lety +71

    The Machine is a man of focus, commitment, and sheer will.

  • @jamiewilliamson1588
    @jamiewilliamson1588 Před 7 lety +391

    No story will ever beat this one. This will be my last talk show clip.

  • @stormrevenant
    @stormrevenant Před 7 lety +1906

    #BertisFat
    Any JRE fans up in this bitch?

  • @raulandrei5410
    @raulandrei5410 Před 4 lety +51

    As a eastern european, i love when he tells this story. It's so authentic. We just didn't realize how crazy this was.

    • @mikecandy2830
      @mikecandy2830 Před rokem +2

      Except it’s complete fantasy the only real part is that he went to Russia on a school trip that’s it

  • @jeanbaish5971
    @jeanbaish5971 Před 5 lety +40

    I'm from Russia, and that's story is hilarious(!!!), and believable too. St. Petersburg was a gangsta paradise 20 years ago.

  • @DavidElkind42
    @DavidElkind42 Před 7 lety +772

    I've never heard of this guy, but I love him now

    • @all-timealien4483
      @all-timealien4483 Před 7 lety +7

      David Elkind not to ruin it for you, but this is the only good thing that has come out of his career

    • @weeknightwarrior
      @weeknightwarrior Před 7 lety +5

      not true, tracy morgan story is also awesome

    • @aceofshade5286
      @aceofshade5286 Před 5 lety

      Rad Dog not true

  • @imaginepigeons792
    @imaginepigeons792 Před 7 lety +2992

    Want to dislike this video.... bc he has a shirt on

    • @StormAlterWorlds
      @StormAlterWorlds Před 7 lety +6

      Pretty sure he still has a beard.

    • @MikeTheMGTOWMonk
      @MikeTheMGTOWMonk Před 6 lety

      want to dislike be because gingers don't have souls.
      soulless ppl trigger me..

    • @actualfactual8737
      @actualfactual8737 Před 5 lety

      @@StormAlterWorlds WHAT THE HELL IS THAT...GET OFF OF MY FRONT YARD!!!

    • @T3CHPR135T
      @T3CHPR135T Před 4 lety

      Real ones know

  • @AuzzieArtyst
    @AuzzieArtyst Před 5 lety +13

    He tells the story so often and exactly the same each time, so I think it’s 100% genuine

    • @DeepSingh-om7kq
      @DeepSingh-om7kq Před 4 lety

      AuzzieArtyst that's the problem. He tells the story way to perfect. Gotta be fake.

    • @jameson1239
      @jameson1239 Před 2 lety

      Apparently his college classmates confirmed this happened

  • @grantwalton9399
    @grantwalton9399 Před 3 lety +136

    Imagine in Russian school they get taught about “the machine”

  • @Allagi22
    @Allagi22 Před 7 lety +475

    A story so crazy you couldn't make it up. Ya know what I think? Throw jokes and booze together with any two very different people....They will find a common language and mutual understanding.

    • @azamatkodzoev9182
      @azamatkodzoev9182 Před 6 lety +5

      Proven by Cris “Bert is lying about this story in Russia” Hansen

    • @welhynole4082
      @welhynole4082 Před 5 lety +2

      Yea just throw in jokes and booze and a mafia and police and robbing and possibly 10 years in prison and assault on a police officer and yea it’s all common language and mutual understanding

    • @MartialBorschel
      @MartialBorschel Před 5 lety

      In robbing people hahaha

    • @welhynole4082
      @welhynole4082 Před 5 lety +3

      Darkzz Lord yea definitely nothing silly about a bunch of mobsters who kill people wanting to hang out with bert out of all people come on, I’m not saying it’s fake but it most likely is

    • @Justin-vr5zn
      @Justin-vr5zn Před 5 lety +1

      @@welhynole4082 they were paid to hang out with them and watch them... they had to watch the class, might as well hang out with a kid they can manipulate into doing crimes for you. but yeah I agree, even if it is "true" and theres pictures and classmates back it up, im sure some of it is exaggerated... but I dont care either way, its a great story and I love the way he tells it

  • @callum4450
    @callum4450 Před 7 lety +94

    One of the best stories ever told.

  • @caelanmcchesney6794
    @caelanmcchesney6794 Před 4 lety +334

    (End of Story)
    Conan:
    "...How are you not dead?"
    Me:
    "Never underestimate the bonds of friendship made over alcohol."
    Also Me:
    (Laughing at Conan's comment)

  • @caseysiefert611
    @caseysiefert611 Před 4 lety +29

    I have heard Bert tell this story at least 10 different times and it is literally the same. Like this has to be real cuz it never changes😂

    • @LiamHolloway
      @LiamHolloway Před 4 lety +5

      There’s photos of him drinking with the Russian Mafia. It’s a true story haha.

    • @LiamHolloway
      @LiamHolloway Před 4 lety +3

      Also his class mates confirmed the story.

    • @caseysiefert611
      @caseysiefert611 Před 4 lety +1

      @@LiamHolloway AWESOME! I didn't know this. Thanks!

  • @JibbKarlsen
    @JibbKarlsen Před 7 lety +534

    His russisn accent sound like a bad mexican one lmao

    • @JoJoShabadoo314
      @JoJoShabadoo314 Před 7 lety +6

      alpaca or i'll smack ya Right? you'd think he'd perfect his delivery on the joke he tells in every video haha.

    • @jcthedime
      @jcthedime Před 5 lety +9

      He had to rush it for the show, in his stand-up he does it a little bit better.

    • @slickricky769
      @slickricky769 Před 5 lety +8

      Look up the full story.. It's much better paced without his shirt on

    • @kinglil7552
      @kinglil7552 Před 4 lety

      No it don’t dumbass

  • @jmiscstuff8704
    @jmiscstuff8704 Před 7 lety +197

    Haha the Machine story is great. Bert was just starting to pull back on telling the story so much and then it gets 20 million + Facebook views and he's back at square one. It's got a mind of its own. Lol

  • @laurenb486
    @laurenb486 Před 3 lety +8

    There's a picture of him with the Russian mafia too. Dude is legendary 🤣🤣🤣

  • @tayyabhadi9285
    @tayyabhadi9285 Před 2 lety +3

    I've watched a lot of talk show story moments before but this is easily my favorite.

  • @shadyminion
    @shadyminion Před 7 lety +15

    This story is so awesome, I love how Conan had to walk him through it like he hadn't already heard it.

  • @Lord_Cointoss
    @Lord_Cointoss Před 6 lety +320

    Ahahahaa
    Yep ! This could easily happen in Russia in 1990-2000
    Heck. Even now, this can happen! if you're "lucky" enough.

    • @user-dk9rk5eu3r
      @user-dk9rk5eu3r Před 5 lety +12

      That’s not true about what you said in a second part. Yea, it really was in 1999, but 20 years later, I mean now, it can’t be happened. Actually is a Moscow or St,Peterburg and in other major cities

    • @cdressel53191
      @cdressel53191 Před 4 lety +3

      @Antoine Shelby y'all need to do something about Macron. Have any spare guillotines?

  • @procs81
    @procs81 Před 5 lety +5

    With Bert I never know whether his stories are true. He's so full of enthusiasm.

  • @romanxxxxyoutube
    @romanxxxxyoutube Před 4 lety +13

    This is such a great story and he tells it on everything he's on. I've watched about 6 different variants of this!

  • @James7796ify
    @James7796ify Před 7 lety +76

    I don't think the audience believed the story that's why they are so dead. But it's a true story

  • @nicholasgranados7688
    @nicholasgranados7688 Před 6 lety +36

    The 'so I understand that you're the machine' line gets me every time

  • @mezlabor
    @mezlabor Před 4 lety +66

    They're making a movie about this now and I cant wait

  • @manu25109
    @manu25109 Před 4 lety +77

    'with that liberal arts confidence"

  • @blossomrusso6457
    @blossomrusso6457 Před 7 lety +597

    This story is 100% true believe it or not. His college classmates corroborated it.

    • @Justin-vr5zn
      @Justin-vr5zn Před 5 lety +10

      the classmates could be lying as well... or he could be exaggerating... but either way I dont care, I still love the story and find it funny

    • @OB.x
      @OB.x Před 5 lety +8

      I can't corrobate, idk him. But lived in Russia in 2012. That is a crazy, crazy country where anything goes pretty much.

    • @kav3792
      @kav3792 Před 5 lety +8

      It's true lmao, there's literally a pic of him as a student standing with the mafia, search it up it's on Google

    • @Justin-vr5zn
      @Justin-vr5zn Před 5 lety +2

      @@kav3792 ive seen the picture... and that picture only proves that he was there, it doesnt prove or disprove any of the story... that doesnt mean hes lying... hell, I cant even tell where the picture was taken for sure. but like I said before, I love the story and it doesnt matter if its real or fake... 99% of standup is embellished stories (if they didnt, most stories would be boring), and ive heard from many sources that Russia was crazy like that in the 90s... so I wouldnt be surprised if the trip was real and a good bit of it is true, but some was embellished

    • @kav3792
      @kav3792 Před 5 lety +6

      @@Justin-vr5zn you know what you should do, get a ticket, go to Russia, find Igor and ask if it's true, then get on the train to moscow and find the other Igor

  • @ashbro3214
    @ashbro3214 Před 7 lety +187

    Hollyshit I thought this was just a joke it turns out this is actually true story damn.... that's badass

  • @iassinjar1537
    @iassinjar1537 Před 6 lety +1

    This needs to be made into a short film

  • @jennifergonzalez8706
    @jennifergonzalez8706 Před 4 lety +10

    His stories never get old! Love him 😂🤣❤

  • @rakeshprasad2429
    @rakeshprasad2429 Před 7 lety +194

    I bet the 150 people that disliked this were is his classmates

  • @reddchan
    @reddchan Před 7 lety +908

    He's still working this bit.

    • @ligitmuffin
      @ligitmuffin Před 7 lety +265

      It's the only bit he needs

    • @DamianReloaded
      @DamianReloaded Před 7 lety +66

      not the bit we deserve

    • @Euphinful
      @Euphinful Před 7 lety +107

      Cuckleford Libtardian III It's not a lie there's a picture of him and the gangsters on the fb video.

    • @ShroomFactory
      @ShroomFactory Před 7 lety +14

      It's basic supply & command

    • @murtagh1143
      @murtagh1143 Před 7 lety +62

      I mean he had to cut out all the backstory and most of the swearing.

  • @calmghosts
    @calmghosts Před rokem

    I’ll never get tired of this story.

  • @alwaysbreezy37
    @alwaysbreezy37 Před 2 lety +1

    I love that this is almost word for word (but cut down) the same as his standup version

  • @qamarmunir995
    @qamarmunir995 Před 7 lety +161

    Conan: How are not dead?
    Because his story consists of a lot of "Alternative Facts".

    • @TheAngryDuckling123
      @TheAngryDuckling123 Před 7 lety +105

      His classmates have confirmed this story and even posted pictures of him on the trip with the gangsters.

    • @ivanbarreras9445
      @ivanbarreras9445 Před 7 lety +17

      Qamar Munir you can see pictures of all this on Facebook.

    • @davidmaultsby384
      @davidmaultsby384 Před 7 lety +57

      facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10210127442756875&set=p.10210127442756875&type=3&theater
      proof

    • @salvararonkolbrunarson7734
      @salvararonkolbrunarson7734 Před 7 lety +30

      Its all true

    • @KazenoniKakuremi
      @KazenoniKakuremi Před 7 lety +8

      so let me get this right?! Russia Mafia 'Gangstas' liked this guy so much......bring him into their crew....have such a good time with him that they decide to bring him along on a heist. Then upon realizing he's been dry snitching on their activities on national tv; they decide that rather than get angry about it....it maybe more enjoyable for them to befriend all his classmates......and use this as an opportunity not only to gain social media exposure but also put a face to the past crimes they have omitted, so that this clown's stories are more relatable
      LOLLLLLLLLL
      ...and you have verified the story.....as there are pictures posted on Facebook of Russians with tattoos clearly tagged as 'Gangsters' so that they are easily distinguishable from this clown's classmates.
      ----Sorry
      I know you are probably like 15 and the above scenario seems not only plausible but undeniable, as ur favorite rappers openly claim gang affiliation lol
      Rather continue to be condescending, although it is rather enjoyable. I will leave you with this...
      ---Organized crime is different from street gangs
      ---Organized crime in Russia is really different from any other country
      ---Why? Cause Its predominately made up of ex-soldiers and ex-KGB officers, who found themselves out of a job after the sudden end of the cold war. With their skills and network they don't engage in petty theft.
      1/ They sell military grade munitions and equipment, from AK47s to old cold war diesel submarines with or without missiles
      2/ They work as enforcers for the Kremlin i.e. government.
      -----its not a secret, they are the main reason a lot of these guerrilla movements in 3rd world countries can access munitions.
      -------------

  • @olivlogs187
    @olivlogs187 Před 6 lety +42

    "When it gets dark we have good time." My pick up line for the ladies [wink].

  • @TheStarrySept
    @TheStarrySept Před 6 lety +5

    The best story I've heard in my life

  • @Ashutt92
    @Ashutt92 Před 7 lety +8

    I'm so happy that berts story finally got the recognition it deserves after telling it on various podcasts like the JRE he finally gets the prime time slot to tell that amazing story 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

  • @tombradystangoat4356
    @tombradystangoat4356 Před 6 lety +11

    I love how he told the story to Conan in the exact way he told it in standup

  • @3355ag
    @3355ag Před 5 lety +3

    I rewatch this story at least four times a month.

  • @philippecote8571
    @philippecote8571 Před rokem +1

    And now he's making a movie about it. I'm constantly confused at how Brent is so successful but then again he's so charismatic just hearing him laugh at his own jokes makes you smile along for the ride.

  • @radioanimeguy229
    @radioanimeguy229 Před 6 lety +10

    That was actually true! I found a few of his friends and his mafia friends. Let me just say, the man was insane. Cudos to you train robber! The Machine will never be forgotten!

  • @Fernussy
    @Fernussy Před 7 lety +624

    Burnt Chrysler is still sort of fat

    • @nickmorton2354
      @nickmorton2354 Před 7 lety +34

      Fernando Candelas but Tom is definitely the water champion.

    • @Plague_Doc22
      @Plague_Doc22 Před 7 lety

      +nick Morton ...he has to be the champ at something other than being fat.

    • @scottishzombie
      @scottishzombie Před 7 lety

      Fart Screecher.

    • @stanko8859
      @stanko8859 Před 7 lety +1

      Fernando Candelas he needs to start hydrating

    • @sterlingsilver4442
      @sterlingsilver4442 Před 7 lety +1

      Lol did he go back to his old weight already ?

  • @fares3313
    @fares3313 Před 2 lety +1

    finally the machine we were searching for you our friend for along time

  • @tinygreenguy968
    @tinygreenguy968 Před 5 lety +1

    This story needs to be a movie

  • @Psycorde
    @Psycorde Před 7 lety +189

    Sounds like Russia alright.

  • @Karim-zd2fs
    @Karim-zd2fs Před 6 lety +7

    I've seen this like a million times on Facebook love it

  • @nickburns1455
    @nickburns1455 Před 3 lety +1

    This deserves a movie

  • @lindsay725
    @lindsay725 Před 5 lety +3

    I always watch him tell this story and its one of my favorites 😂😂😂😂😂

  • @NastyTiger
    @NastyTiger Před 7 lety +65

    The Machine!

  • @lemonslemons6969
    @lemonslemons6969 Před 7 lety +5

    Im watching it at least once a day for the past few weeks, laughing my ass off every single time. This never gets old! :D

  • @ianleak16
    @ianleak16 Před 4 lety

    How is this not a movie yet?

  • @CT_97
    @CT_97 Před 5 lety

    I have listened to this story like 30 times and it’s still fantastic

  • @jquick85
    @jquick85 Před 7 lety +51

    He needed to tell that story over a shot of vodka!

  • @TokinTaylor
    @TokinTaylor Před 7 lety +16

    This is the first interview in awhile where Conan's guest actually made me laugh lmao

    • @HitmanThunder
      @HitmanThunder Před 7 lety +1

      You need to watch Bill Burr with Conan interviews.

    • @xXghostdog77Xx
      @xXghostdog77Xx Před 6 lety

      Chris Hansen Why are you so angry? Who hurt you?

    • @xXghostdog77Xx
      @xXghostdog77Xx Před 6 lety

      Chris Hansen I do think it's funny. It's funny because it's unexpected and outrageous and very entertaining. Again I ask who hurt you?

    • @madcapglass1454
      @madcapglass1454 Před 6 lety +1

      Ghost_Dog
      This guy MUST have some kind of disorder. Look how many posts he has just arguing with people who DO find this story funny. Just because HE doesn't find it funny/thinks it's untrue, he MUST comment to everyone who DOES enjoy it. Feel kinda sorry for him, must be a pretty depressing life.

    • @madcapglass1454
      @madcapglass1454 Před 6 lety +1

      Chris Hansen
      Well, do you OFTEN dwell on things you find unfunny or unappealing for a prolonged period? Often going back to videos you don't like, just to make sure other people know your opinion of the material? Then yes, you might have some kind of disorder. Especially if you think both of those are normal.

  • @gabe5100
    @gabe5100 Před 5 lety +3

    This is the greatest video I have ever seen.

  • @ms.l8811
    @ms.l8811 Před 5 lety +2

    This so the coolest story I have ever heard

  • @bl6516
    @bl6516 Před 7 lety +11

    I effing love Bert Kreischer. I mean, The Machine.

  • @Ethan-sn8oe
    @Ethan-sn8oe Před 6 lety +19

    3:47 was about to say killed them then stopped

  • @AGrizz-qp1wd
    @AGrizz-qp1wd Před 11 měsíci +1

    Legend !!! they lowkey turned this into a movie and i could remember was this interview🤣

  • @thatbluepowder
    @thatbluepowder Před rokem +1

    Looking forward to the movie.

  • @mobamba2070
    @mobamba2070 Před 4 lety +20

    Russians watching: see small Igor and smaller Igor I knew a celebrity.

  • @grizzlybear6918
    @grizzlybear6918 Před 7 lety +8

    THIS IS FREAKING GOLD!

  • @MissAdamLambert888
    @MissAdamLambert888 Před 5 lety

    THIS NEEDS TO BE A MOVIE !

  • @maxmd9218
    @maxmd9218 Před 5 lety

    This should be a movie!!!!!

  • @shaurya6601
    @shaurya6601 Před 5 lety +3

    This has to be one of the best stories I've ever heard.