My Wife Will NOT Combine Money With Me!
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 16. 04. 2022
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Her money is her money, your money is our money.
Not everyone is good at money management. If one party is an uncontrolled spender then it can be a disaster for them to have access. Each situation is different. Love is blind but it dosnt havecto be stupid too.
For a lot of couples, that makes sense. A good friend of mine isn't an over spender but he hates dealing with money so his wife does most of it and tells him how much he can spend.
Being an uncontrolled spender is a character flaw. If the person youâre planning to marry isnât someone you can trust with combined finances, then donât marry that person.
Neither of us are overspenders but we couldn't find anyone without character flaws so we married each other.
If you can manage money....and your spouse cannot...then you should have never married them, your missing the point big time marlene.
@@matticus6339 Bingo! They're making excuses for making a poor decision. It's not "being stupid" to work together to make wise decisions. That's what we call "doing the hard work". Marriage is meant to be HARD. It's not a joint partnership. You will never achieve the same results as if you pull together vs. kinda, sorta do a thing that has no combined goal and focus.
I would question why two people got married when they knew one partner was really bad with money and they didn't want to do anything to resolve that. You can find ways to make plans for who oversees the purse strings, but regardless of who cuts the checks, you both need to have eyes on the budget and work together. Otherwise, the best case scenario is there are two people who are constantly not trusting each other: the money-wise person doesn't trust the person who isn't good with money so that means you have to constantly be on the lookout for bad behaviors and you feel like you're the adult and the other person is a child, and the person who isn't good with money feels powerless because they have no say and looked down on by the "money expert." At best, you end up with one partner doing everything and the other partner being apathetic. What happens if the money boss gets sick, dies, etc? Now you've got someone who never learned how to act responsibly all by him or herself.
Why would you settle for sub-par separation when there is so much more power in working together!
This was before debit and credit cards, lol! When we first got married 45 years ago, my husband always took the checkbook with him. I had a little cash, but never had an opportunity to shop or buy gas for the car like he did. I had to drive home from work on âfumesâ before, because I didnât have any money. After about 5 years, I got my own account and havenât looked back. I pay certain bills, he pays the others. Now he has his own little âcontrolâ thing all to himself, and Iâm not left hanging in an emergency situation with no money. And for most of our marriage, I made nearly double his earnings. I feel like Iâm too old to combine accounts now!đ€Ł
I hate when husbands do that, hurts themselves, wastes their own time. Make your wife powerful. She should have hummer, an AR in the trunk, and credit cards with $100k limits in her pocket.
Many years ago my wife and I combined our money. Somehow, she kept quitting her jobs because "they were mean to me" and she would then sit around jobless for months... while I worked every day. I finally introduced the 'Separate Accounts" system with a separate "House Account." Eventually we divorced. I left with my account with a substantial amount... and she had about $400. She finally had to keep her latest job.
Smart man.
Yeah this is nonsense. It really depends on the couple involved. In some couples this could actually lead to arguments and fighting then divorce,
It sounds like a problem with her more than the concept of joint accounts. But I understand, she pretty much used you and thatâs pretty đ© of her to do. Sorry man
Good plan my man.
"She finally had to keep her latest job." Funny how that works!!
I like the concept of 'mine/yours/ours' in a relationship when it comes to finances. Just agree, this is mine, that's yours, and this is what we share. I know a guy who had all his finances in a joint account with his wife, had been doing this for about 20 years, and one day his wife decided she'd had enough, drained the account of every penny they had, left and divorced him.
yep, that's what I did, when I'd had enough of the cheating, and constant ATM withdrawals so that I couldn't even keep track of how much we had to pay the bills. One day while he was at his girlfriends house, I ran down to the credit union and closed the accounts.
The judge wouldnât be too happy with her during the divorce. My SIL, when she went through her divorce, said they had specific instructions that they couldnât drain the accts.
When you have worked in a banks debt collection department and speak to customers who have had joint bank accounts for wages it does not always work. Better to have personal account for wages and a joint account for bills and household.
Wages as in their income from work?
Get rid of the dead beat!
I found the joint money created greater stress on the relationship, each person has different spending habits and this becomes an argument which can be avoided.
Exactly they're only looking at successful marriages that have joint money not everyone is the same.
Well said!
Weâve been married 50 years and have combined money the entire time. We discuss major purchases together. We have gone through lean times and good times as a team. It works well for us.
God bless your long-sustaining marriage!
What is secret of your long marriage? Any tips who wants 50+ years marriage?
40 years for us. We combined our finances as a team. I now canât work due t illness but thankfully heâll be retiring soon so we can travel and just do what we want. Blessings.
Married 17 years and weâve had combined money the entire time.
Good to read comments like yours here!
My beloved late wife & I were happily married for 34 years. We were in our late 20's when we married, we NEVER combined our finances, by mutual agreement. We both had very different ideas about $$, and our path prevented uncounted arguments.
According Dave this is wrong. I say do whatever works for your wife and you. Donât follow like a sheep.
I love when married people say we have separate accounts and it works for us this is my money this is my account but they're dumb and delusional because if you get a divorce they both get half of everything but in their weird Twisted mind they actually think they have separate accounts when their married lolđ
@@jay-qy7dv I've been waiting my whole life for someone to point that out. You may think you each have your own money, but the state may disagree.
Sorry for your loss man .How was the process in buying a big thing such as a house?
@@ericklopez2240 no lost my house will be paid off in 6yrs
I'm so glad I did not combine finances with my now ex-husband. I knew he had different money handling habits from me but had no idea just how bad it was going to be until I was married to him.
Why did you marry him?
After what you went through: from this point forward, would you ask more and want to see more about the financial situation of prospective dates?
Maybe if you did combine finance he would have felt the need to reign in his habits and be more responsible.
He would just blow MORE $$ because he now has access to HER $$ as well! (This holds true regardless of which spouse is the irresponsible one.)@@TheDjcarter1966
31 years of wedded bliss đ
Separate accounts and money discussions every payday at the kitchen table.
Debt free, mortgage free
Early retirement couple.
Personal finance is not a one size fits all.
I Agree
đđđđ
Totally agree!
I've been secretly stashing money in an account for years now, its become an obsession and my wife has no clueđŹ
@@JackWorkz Im gonna tell her
I have a lot of respect for this guy. He properly stated, "My wife and I."
My husband and I had our money combined for our entire lives. He passed two years ago after 51 1/2 years of marriage. We always talked about large purchases but we each had money that was our personal play money. It always worked for us.
I am so sorry for your loss! I am glad you had a good, solid marriage.
im so sorry for your loss.
You are from a different generation. A generation where marriage was viewed sacred. Both of you did well!
That sounded like a healthy marriage sorry for your loss
Times are a changin'
Itâs funny how he wants to combine finances âafterâ he loses his job and has no money coming in. Why did the conversation never come up while everything was good and dandy. This would also make me as reluctant as her
In fairness he followed up immediately by saying he had a new job. Sounds like the podcast triggered his thinking.
@@AdrianTurnerUK I was just about to say this. Sounds like he's asking because he just did financial peace university where they teach you to combine.
So what does that mean...when he was out of work for a few months did the bills not get paid, did they foreclose on the house, were they starving....no she probably just paid everything so whats the difference.
@@AdrianTurnerUK They clearly aren't on the same page in this area, .
@@TheDjcarter1966 when I got in trouble my wife did not slow her spending and wouldnât help with the bills . She just kept her separate money in her accounts. I had to sell our home
Sounds like not having joint accounts is only an issue now because he lost his job....
He got a new job after losing his job. And he even said he was okay about having separate accounts. He was really asking for an opinion about the idea of have separate accounts.
But shouldn't the wife be helping him out when he is down just like he would her? O_o
Lol if you expect your husband to struggle financially between jobs because you don't want to share finances, marriage is definitely not for you
He got a new one u deaf
He clearly said that he found a new job, but you and 92 others conveniently left that out.
It depends on the trust level. We started with joint accounts but over time after seeing his spending habits, I separated my accounts from his. We discussed why before I did. He was upset but accepted responsibility for repeat overspending.
I wonât recombine our accounts though. Iâve learned my lesson.
Me and my wife are the same, we have our own individual commitments financially and we have a joint account that all of our " housing" payments and commitments come out of.
There's no need to combine everything, there's no hiding anything we talk about things we purchase. We are both well aware of each other's financial position.
It's so easy to keep a track of everything that needs to be paid and what money needs to be where.
Like Rachel said, it can work with separate accounts. But what is the purpose of keeping it separate? At some level, there is a desire to remain individuals. Of course portions of the joint account go towards his football jersey or her nails, but it's still a joint account. If both spouses are smart spenders then pretty much any method will likely work from a financial standpoint. But when you go out to dinner as a family, is there a discussion of who pays? Do you fight over who pays? Do you split it like a couple of friends going out to eat? What if only one of you can afford a particularly fancy place? Does one spouse pay for the other like two teenagers on a date? It seems like a recipe for resentments when her portion was only 40% while I paid 60% of x y and z. Now perhaps more and more ends up in the joint account. So not just housing but education, stuff for the kids etc. Maybe it then includes the family groceries, or restaurants or vacations. Eventually, you get to the point where the only money in the separate accounts is just the fun money for each spouse. So in effect it's just taking the two line items from a joint budget - the one for Mr. and one for Mrs. - and putting the money into its own account.
Here's the bottom line. If both spouses are legit financially smart and responsible all the time then either set up will more or less work. But only the latter works if one spouse messes up at any point (and with two imperfect humans in a highly emotional relationship, that is likely). I don't understand the fear of a joint account if you truly both trust each other. If there is fear then there is no faith in the other spouse to be responsible. And the separate account is a barrier against that future irresponsibility.
Same here
@@aaronsacks470 it isn't that deep and doesn't need that much thought đ€Ł.
When either gets paid, you put your side of the 'house' money into the joint account. Whatever way you split it would be unique to the circumstances to that couple be it 50/50 or 60/40 if someone gets paid more.
Joint account for joint ventures, then the rest in separate accounts for your own personal bills . Phone bills , car etc along with your own personal spare cash for whatever you want to spend your spare money on.
That's all there is to it, it doesn't need such a breakdown of every single item or situation.
@@malone77 Oh no, honey! You lost your job? That sucks. Well make sure you pay your half of the bills. And good luck finding another one. At least I'm still okay financially. Is that not how it would go down?
@@aaronsacks470 no because you would have an emergency fund for each đ€Ł
Also these are the sort of things people discuss before getting married so they are on the same page before these events occur. Finding someone who wouldn't be so petty and unreasonable in that situation would be a good start.
My parents were & still are roommates that are devoted & committed to each other. It's always been very dysfunctional. It caused so much pain & confusion in our home. I vowed to never be that way with my spouse.
Over twenty years later my wife & I are happy, committed, friendly, lovers. You choose, then work for the life you want to have.
Imagine things are going well in your relationship and you start wanting to change everything because of what some radio show guru told you on a podcast.
It's well until it isn't.
Obviously he's not confident that everything is going as well as he made it seem, otherwise he wouldn't have bothered to call and ask for advice on this topic.
This
Imagine thinking separate accounts is a great idea until you wake up one day to find your spouse gone to Tahiti with Tatyana, his Russian girlfriend.... because "hey, it was all going so smoothly!" Until the secrets come out.
And if you're just going to look over each other's shoulders into the accounts, what's the point? Inefficient at best keeping two sets of books. My wife and I each see everything in the accounts we share. There is no room for deception. No business or any other entity operates with only one set of eyes on the books. It's asking for trouble, even if everything is 100% good for now.
Imagine trying to make a sarcastic comment about someone who discusses data and facts in or on an outlet that is no different than reading a study or watching the news or listening to the radio? The "podcast" makes nodifference whatsoever in the situation. The "podcast" is simply the way that the information is received. Why the hell does it matter that it's a "podcast"? It doesn't. Would it matter if it was being read from a magazine or an online website or sitting down and reading it from a book and a library? Of course it wouldn't. So, it's just stupid to make some comment that it's a podcast because it's completely irrelevant.
Furthermore, if the information is completely bonkers and incorrect, then say that it's completely bonkers and incorrect in and of itself. But, I would assume that the "guru" that was making the suggestion doesn't just make the suggestion out of thin air. I'm assuming they have an idea and know what they're talking about because they've done a lot of research as they discussed in the podcast that can back up their statements. I doubt they're just thinking their thoughts out of thin air for no reason.
But, let's criticize them because we want to try to make fun of them because they are on a "podcast" and they are the Dave Ramsey show right?
If you want to disagree with their thinking, that's fine but your comment suggests essentially that they are an idiot and don't know what they're talking about and that because they are giving the information on a podcast there's something wrong with that. As you can listen in the video, they are referring to studies so if you want to get upset about something then get upset at the studies. She is just simply referring to facts and data based on studies. Are you actually going to try to argue or dispute facts? If so, that kind of says a lot.
I'm not saying that everybody needs to combine their finances either and obviously you can tell by the comments that people have a different opinion on the subject. But then explain why you feel that their feelings on the matter doesn't make sense and dispute the studies and come back with hard data. Don't just make fun of them because they are on a podcast. You look like a fool. Dave Ramsey and his crew are obviously well-regarded and well-renowned as people that have integrity and are not idiots. That's not to say that they are always right but for the most part, they are typically spot on.
We combined finances pretty much right when we got married.. work as a team. Why wouldnât you? If you want your own money, then create a budget where each payday you both get your own amount of spending money..
So say you want to make a frivolous purchase and you yourself have already earned the money. Do you need to ask your wife's permission to make the purchase? I'm legit curious how decisions are made for non essential items.
@@asims1988 nope.. if I have money saved from my personal allowance, I can do whatever I want with it. Same goes with her.. itâs a separate budget.. I highly recommend this to people.. it gives each spouse their âown moneyâ to spend however they like..
@@asims1988 keep in mind this allowance amount should be allotted after bills, debt, living expense, savings, 401k and whatever else.. You know what I mean
@dustin đđExactly, plus in the unfortunately event of a spouse passing away unsuspectingly there is less "clean up" when everything is already joined together. I couldn't imagine fighting with court and filling out all the paperwork to prove you have access rights to things you already own. It's so much less of a headache.
We do this. Weâve always had joint accounts. We budget for a monthly blow money. Itâs what we can afford after bills and such. Itâs fluctuated over the years. It helps with impulsive spending but also gives freedom to blow the money. If we donât have enough for a purchase, we discuss if the family budget can handle it.
In a society where financial abuse is rampant within relationships, having control of your own money is essential. This is a subject I wish the show addressed more often and in depth. Instead they base their advice on healthy marriages. Those aren't the majority.
Rampant? Perhaps an open honest conversation about finances before marriage should be normalized. Marrying the right person who is committed to the marriage for life is assumed in their discussion of joint accounts and combined assets. Youâre talking about ârelationshipsâ but this show is talking about âmarriagesâ- big difference
@@TheMagdielzuniga
Sometimes you can have all the "open honest" conversations in the world while dating, but some people only show their true colours after getting married.
I stand by what I said in my previous comment.
I generally agree with ramseys but I have a friend who was in an abusive controlling marriage and her husband wouldn't give her any money
@@BeaBelfastVideos exceptions can be found within any idea that is generally recommended. Theyâve done actual research to support their recommendations. Of course you can always find exceptions- but the rule based off of statistical data is irrefutable true and what we ought to do should never be influenced by exceptions
@@georgewagner7787 your line of logic can be applied in the same way to driving cars. I know people that have gotten in serious car accidents- so itâs better to not drive a car altogether. Like what kind of logic is that? Because we know people planes have crashed and people have died we shouldnât fly in planes? Thatâs how ridiculous the âI have a friendâ justification sounds like
Either he needs a new phone or he is calling from a closet in his basement.
I am going with the second.
They should make people call in with Zoom or something.
@@thedopplereffect00 Not.
She's absolutely right when they say you have a much more open and trusting relationship after combining finances. Wife and I were together for 10 years before we got married. Combined finances after getting married and there is an even greater level of trust and togetherness we have had since doing so.
This advice sounds outdated. I'm in the military and have seen way too many men get their accounts cleared out by exiting wives after long deployments. The divorce rate is too high to give someone else access to all your money...
Although I get and agree with your statement, keep on mind its really no different because if the house is in both names, car financing, cc debt etc...if there was a divorce and all the dirty clothes come out to light...itll be equally devastating. Finances together gives transparency so long as both keep an eye on the accts regularly (especially if there are marital problems).
My parents have always had seperate finances. Theyâve been married for 35 years and itâs works fine. It can work. I plan on doing the same thing. I want to spend my money, she can spend hers.
Also a lower tax i believe if filing separately
Sounds foolish. What's hers is mine, and what is mine is hers.
My wife and I have separate accounts except for a combined savings for vacations and stuff we want to do around the house. Our marriage is great. We have access to each other's accounts, so we know how much there was, so a big expense will be asked about if that's big of a worry. However, the day to day spending is unquestioned. It saves us a lot of financial arguments and we're happier.
Yep. Agreed
Works fine for me
Smart man.
Why though, why suddenly now does he want access. They have a shared savings, I would have asked why he wants the change only after losing his job.
You wouldn't have asked anything Dahlia because you do not realize how question marks work. đđđ
Yeah this is kind of telling, separate finances were not an issue to him until he was broke.
@@Captain_Clark_CDoryAdventures Why are you obsessed with punctuation online, get a life dude.
@@arga400 Probably a spend thrift, yeah almost debt free but he doesn't save from the rest of his money to have something to fall back on, wife is probably the saver in this relationship
His wife should never combine the account..
Honestly, I think that having your own bank account + one combined for combined expenses is the best way to go.
The only reason a partner will not combine finances is that they feel they will be the one to lose-end of the story.
My ex didn't want to combine finances because he didn't want me asking questions about his irrisponsible spending = conflict avoider. I lost and was abused financially. It all only exposed more infidelity, so glad I am outta that.
Keep it the way it is. I know plenty of couples that keep their accounts mainly separate, but may have a couple of joint accounts for bill paying and family purchases. If it ainât broke, donât fix it.
The temptation to hide things is definitely apparent when accounts are separate. I would be curious as to whether the cell phone bills are also separate and secretive. My ex did that!
A colleague of mine (F), feels real deep guilt for purchasing $15 boots, and telling it to her husband like she is confessing to a murder, I was like wow, they should have individual accounts and enjoy life.
Another colleague of mine (F), "we spend my husbands salary first for utilities, food, etc, then I want to buy laptop that costs at least one monthly wage, I keep asking him but he still refuses me!", I was like again, wow.
My parents never joined thier accounts and there are problems when you don't and when you do. You have to understand your relationship with each other and with money when making this decision.
Ephesians 5:22-25
Sounds misogynistic
@@triple_gem_shining You need to read that more closely. Husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church. He laid His life down for them, even when His disciples abandoned him. He gave literally everything, holding nothing back, with the full knowledge He could never be repaid. Men were literally instructed to be completely sacrificial and give everything, to the point of giving up their very lives. Hardly misogynistic by any sane definition.
@@triple_gem_shining He included the verse about husbands dying for their wives. If dying so your wife can live (and NOT vice versa) is a misogyny then I'm glad I married a misogynist who agrees with that burden.
His situation sounds really stressful. Someone grabs a bat and the other grabs a glove. đ€Ł
Sounds ridiculous to me. My wife's sister and her husband do this. We were reading their venmos the other day because they're hilarious for a married couple to be constantly paying each other for stuff!
@@Buttlather There are moments when it's not equal. Like giving birth. Or someone getting cancer. I guess if someone has those they can say not my problem about your finances.
@@sarrahconley3143lol is that a serious comment?
So glad I heard this thanks for the information
My wife spent all my money donât do it!
Sorry
That is really sad.
Im 2 years late but im sorry too
I feel embarrassed for these women.
Iâm just now coming in but a few points: youâve had separate checking accounts and a joint savings for TWELVE years of marriage. Youâre bringing up combining money shortly after you lost a job (but thankfully got another)⊠interesting timing.
I agree with her that if it's not broke don't fix it. If they aren't having issues why risk changing things that could lead to having issues.
i think he broke out in a cold sweat when he lost the job!
Losing his job probably made him realize just how ridiculous the idea of separate finances was. He started to question the logic in one of them having to worry about having no income for "themselves" while the other was doing just fine financially, given that they're supposed to be one unified team.
@@MichaelAnderson-wk1no This.......100%.... she provably said, well you still have to pay your part of the expenses, not my problem
His new (lower paying) job won't pay for his drug habit so he needs her money too. She really needs to just dump the looser. Maybe she's waiting for the kids to be older ....
so many couples had a wedding yet don't have a marriage
My wife had her own seperate money and it was gone by the next pay check. Then she wanted me to pick up her over spending, and I paid all the household bills including mortgage. She spent hers on eating out and junk.
"Had"...so she is gone?
@@mathisnotforthefaintofheart Yep, passed away.
If you are married to a "Big Spender" and they have access to combined money, you will always be financially drowning. I think the question here for the caller is.... Why doesn't she trust you with access to all the moneys? What is it in the past that you've done that creates mistrust? Is it drugs, gambling, inability to control your spending? Why do you want access to all the money, what are you planning to use it on that you can not in the current agreement?
You are very smart đ
That's exactly what I said. It depends on the couple.
He hasnât done anything to his wife to be asked those questions. Because he wants to combine finances?
They took FPU to live differently than they were. Theyâve obviously followed the advice given, except this. Heâs just following the structure FPU promotes.
Itâs not that deep.
@@BlueDauntless She doesn't trust him for a reason. There are givers and there are takers. He's a taker.
Separate accounts could be she was in a family where one spouse drank up or snorted the pay check up their nose. I think separate accounts are good if it is to be sure there will be money for food, clothes and shelter.
I agree, might be a history of trust issues.
You having past negative experiences is on you not to set yourself up for failure in the next one. So your ex betrayed you, and therefore I have to deal with the baggage? That's a red flag coming from you in of itself shawty..
I cringed when I heard caller describe how he and as wife each paid for half of their kid's sports equipment. We each have a limited amount of attention that we can give to things, and a certain amount of attention needs to be dedicated to family finances. By having separate finances, you waste so much of your limited attention on tiny little details like who pays for the cleats and who pays for the glove or whatever, that it crowds out the bigger picture discussions that you need to be having!
So now you know what's broken in your separate finances plan: the fact that you could actually tell millions of listeners that you bought the glove, the bat, and the helmet, while your wife bought the cleats, the uniform, and the facemask (or whatever the division really was). You could do so much more financially if you combined things and quit wasting time negotiating the little stuff that anyway doesn't matter. Instead, you could be talking about goals, dreams, plans, etc.
She makes a great point. If you are married each others problems becomes one. And once you have a shared bankaccount, both parties are required to be a bit more thoughtful on their spending habits. Since neither can he or she hide some ridiclious purchase from the other anymore. Accountability is a huge factor in a relationship.
When you marry have a joint account for household/family expenses. I think partners should still have their separate accounts.
If you want to lay it out in a budget that way but the joint account should be where 90% of the money goes and the separate accounts is just 5% a piece for fun money that is label that in the budget.
That is the best plan.
I think it's a good compromise yo have a family account for bills and also a personal account.
Your wife is smart Mark
The wife probably makes more than she told him I can almost bet!!!!
Yup⊠Sheâs weighing her optionsâŠ
And she probably makes more than him. Women donât share there wealth, men shouldnât care at all about what women do for a living, it has absolutely no benefit to us.
đ smart
@@mambofuego5101then why is she married if she is weighing her options!?
This topic continues to amaze me. I don't get couples that will not combine their financial accounts. And apparently this is a majority.
It's a foreign concept to me too.
Just a symptom of far deeper problems, contributing heavily to today's out of control divorce rates.
@@marcus3457 Yep. Seems like couples that are just not 100% committed.
@@straitjacketstudios the number one cause is divorce... is marriage.
The second most common cause of divorce... is money problems or problems that money could fix.
Because we can spend our own money and not have worry about each otherâs finances.
I don't have a single checking account for myself, lol. I have one for fixed expenses and one for variable expenses (long story). But I think having a joint account for expenses and then separate "fun" accounts. I think the fun account could be good for date nights and gifts for the spouse, as well as individual hobbies.
My wife and I combine our income into a joint checking account and move all our excess into a joint savings account. We also each have our own personal checking accounts that we fund as an allowance from our joint checking account; a fixed amount of a few hundred dollars a month.
You sound like me. I have several checking and savings. Like Dave's envelope system, it is easier for me to look at the accounts and say "This is for this", "This is for that".
If I ever get married again (and the chances of them are very small), I am absolutely getting a prenup and keeping accounts separate! I will never ever allow anyone access to my finances nor taking anything in a potential future split. There are absolutely very legit reasons for wanting to keep accounts separate.
if you will not combine finances you should not get married. if you can only think of money as "your" and not "our" you should not be married. this applies to all, i am not singling out you
This illustrates part of why people who date around and "see" a lot of people are prone to higher divorce rate. You're going into future relationships with distrust, of course they'll fail.
My wife doesn't believe it's fair to claim my paycheck as hers and not share what she makes.
Absolutely all guy-friends, collegues etc, I have and had through the years, seem to be in miserable situations when combining with their wifes/girlfriends, they've to ask for buying even cheap things, needed for the home, while the woman spends like crazy and guilt the man if he even ask about it.
There's no way I'd combine finances with my husband of 23 years. I'd divorce him first.
Seems questionable
Then you should have never gotten married in the first place. You have serious trust issues if thatâs your position on combining finances.
Lol sounds like you make more money than you husband.
Thanks for this video! Really need this advice.
I am for a joint account for common expenses, joint savings account and separate personal accounts. Reason is that we are both financially disciplined and also value personal financial space.
Personal finance space đđđ€Łđ€Ł
What in the world is personal financial space?
Sounds great. So why are you married?
@@kaycure8629 To do what I want with MY money.
@@clarifyingquestions Why does anyone get married?
K I'm only a minute in. He said they took financial peace when got married 13 years ago but just now realizing about joint money?
Yeah, I see that a lot. There was a similar couple talking about an RV who said they were big Dave Ramsey fans, and then went and did a bunch of nutty stuff. I have often wondered about that myself.
I keep my money, because my husband is so casual and irresponsible with money. I pay bills or they don't get paid. Been busting it to get credit cards (his) paid off. Thursday I checked the accounts, he had a deposit I knew nothing about! He borrowed over 2,500 to "help pay bills." Wasn't necessary, now we have another bill, just when I thought I could breathe a tiny bit.
You shouldnt combine your money with her either. The Ramsey plan works, but its not the only plan that works.
Very true. Plans are also adaptable to the situation, so within reason you can use what fits and modify what doesn't. But they have to be careful saying stuff like that because many of the desperate people needing a good plan the most would only hear permission to repeat past mistakes. I post occasional jokes about Dave's eccentricities, but the Ramsey show is ultimately a ministry to help those in a financial mess, and that rightly compels them to stay on-message.
@@wtk6069 I agree 100%, it is a ministry for people in a financial mess. It's a great point you make.
That's what they should say to everyone that calls in: "do whatever, because other plans work, too."
Maybe don't call the show if you want advice from other plans.
Do what works for you....you've been doing it for over a decade.
I kept separate accounts with my ex. He had no self control with spending. He saw my emergency fund and ran himself into debt expecting me to use that money to bail him out. I didnât. He also used to take the âcookie moneyâ I would leave the babysitter to spend when with the kids. He would have ruined me if I had combined blindly.
Irresponsible couples are going to be in trouble regardless if the accounts are separate or joint.
Is combing accounts for oversight? (Why canât two people just talk and share bank statements?), is it because one spouse might run out of their own and need to dip in? (Should they agree on spending habits?), is there a big purchase coming up? (Then wouldnât they discuss and disclose finances anyway?)âŠwhen looking at it thru those questions it doesnât make sense that combing should be a hard rule. Seems like combing used as a rule is more so out of fear than future planning bc you can do future planning with communication.
Money is never truly the issue, though. It's just a symptom of an unhealthy relationship. My husband and I have a healthy, godly relationship of nearly 30 years, and having combined finances has never once posed a problem. We meet monthly to discuss the state of our spending, bills and account balances, and we make adjustments as needed. We also meet annually (or more often) to talk about our long-term financial goals. We have freedom to spend independently but always discuss major purchases and decisions before acting. I feel like people who don't want to combine finances have a problem with trust, a problem with lying, a problem with behavior or all of the above, either with themselves or their spouse.
Combining finances won't matter because. in case of a divorce ( 75% are initiated by women), she will get the money in the settlement .
Yours mine and ours. It's worked very well for us for over thirty years.
We each have your own account and also a joint account, it's important for women to have their own account in their own name.
If you don't trust your partner in finance then what are you doing with them?
My partner and I have separate bank accounts which works well for us because we discuss money regulary and share our financial situations. We also have completely different mindsets about money so we've rarely had arguments about it. I doubt sharing money would lead to a stronger relationship in our case.
I personally share with wife, but depends if both are responsible and most of the time there is a higher earner. Never thought twice about sharing with my wife, i made 90% first 30 years and 100% last 15 years due to a family health commitment with grand child.
The only accounts we have separate are for our fun money specifically and we always communicate exactly how much we get per month and whatever we decide to do with that money is our choice. But every other account we have is joint, and weâve done it that way since day 1. I can confirm from my own marriage that what Rachel is saying is true! Combining finances creates a whole new level of trust within your marriage you didnât even know was possible and creates these conversations together you didnât know you could have about everything because it forces you to communicate and work together.
You two have worked out a great system. When it comes to finances, trust is key and with each partner committed and participating, you build that trust.
I like this approach. I am curious about a couple with different financial responsibilities _before_ becoming a couple. Say, one has two children(other parent alive and working a good job) and one with without. If the one wants to spend money outside the budget on children that is disagreed on(like buying a car for one) or paying for what the other parent should. Think having separate finances is good if the one person might spend money they shouldn't on the child?
What GREAT advice Dave has for this ... It's all a question of perception ... Perception IS reality ... I loved his analogy. In order to survive, we ALL have to leave the cave, go out and kill something and drag it back ... GENIUS ....
Im not married but im not really sure I understand why you would do separate accounts. In the eyes of the law, all assets are 50/50.
You have to be crazy to combine your finances with another adult these days. Can lead to complete ruination. The problem is the marriage regime. In continental Europe most people sign up for "separation of property" so you're not accountable for the other spouse's debts. This means you don't lose your house if one spouse is irresponsible.
Is annoying how they go off only on successful marriages not everyone has an adult mindset, marries in a rush or has terrible spending. Just because you follow their advice doesn't mean the other person does. Also money needs to be talked Before marriage
Funny, he didnât have an issue with it until he lost his job.
Separate accounts works "great" when they're both working and it stops working as soon as one of them has to support the other.
Just because separate accounts are working now, that doesn't mean it couldn't be better. And just because separate accounts are working now, that doesn't mean it won't get worse.
Can't you have the same level of trust by just speaking to each other and talking about your shared money goals and following through with a plan.
O_o. Usually, it ends with her handing you a divorce, crying in court, and the guy losing everything. It has been tried and failed. Now is the time to take drastic measures.
Yes. You can discuss all bank accounts but not combine all
Have your own and a joint for bills
My dad was terrible at money mgmt
Cleaned out the account, loan money to friends that never paid him back.
My mom then decided to open up her own bank account. Did really well saving.
They kept the joint to pay bills only
If it were Dave answering, he'd probably find a way to blame the guy for the situation. Lol
So true! Double standard
I only clicked on the video to see if he'd give a girl the same "Too bad buttercup. You agreed to get married. That money's already hers." spiel he gives men.
Is that seriously the main thing on your mind? You sound a little too obsessed with gender stuff.
His demographic is female. They are the ones who put the guy in debt to get him to apply for his program.
He'd probably tell the guy to go deliver pizzas and sell the wife lol
I think the sweet spot would be to pull up one anothers bank accounts together every week and review and go over everything as they described together and then figure out what's needed in a joint account to carry out the plans you both make. I don't think it HAS to be in one account to get damn near close to the benefits they're talking about. Honestly, I've just heard one too many horror stories of, particularly women, finding themselves destitute or in danger with zero recourse. I love their idea with what they say and i think for a lot of couples it can be wonderful, but if you're one of the unlucky ones who's partner flips and turns out to be a a force of destruction you could quickly find yourself in a very dire situation. I'm not sure it's worth the risk tbh if you can figure out a work around together that preserves a bit of independence for each person should something go seriously sideways.
In a divorce happy world where relationship values are degrading some will choose a separate account in case the marriage fails, kinda like the emergency fund Dave talks about. This would also indicate why the wife wanted marriage counseling, she may have insecurities that arenât being addressed. I get a sense that thereâs a wall between them that hasnât been broken down yet. When you try to avoid the challenge of combining finances you avoid growth in the relationship. The whole point of marriage is sharing everything together and becoming closer. If youâre unwilling to do that then why bother?
Might be wrong but I think the counseling or finance was just a requirement from the pastor to wed then as any other couple and she just chose counseling because she doesnt want to deal with money or be responsible. But who knows. Could have been to do with who the teacher would have been at the time even!
I think if you divorce, the money is split evenly, so the separate accounts is meaningless. Which is part of why it's so weird to artificially separate funds that are legally shared. That's the contract you're signing.
Most people just want romantic relationships, not the "responsibilities" that comes with marriage!
@@Buttlather the money in different accounts would only get split upon divorce. Having separate accounts is a way to manage things in the day-to-day and month-to-month operations of the marriage while staying together, for people who want to manage money that way. And premarital money generally is not split with divorce.
@@megalodon1726 premarital money is only separate if you sign a prenup. I agree that the money is only officially split at divorce, because you have to separate it. By law, the money that both of you make is legally both of yours equally. It really just raises the question of why even get married? Why not just be together? The point of marriage is a contract to combine households, and that includes assets. It just seems like if you want to have separate assets, marriage is a poor choice, especially considering divorce would knock over the financial house of cards you're propping up.
La Crosse is a nice town. Combining finances is more like a team. It is easier to hide stuff when you are not open with each other.
A nice town with nice brewski.
La Crosse is boring
@@JustinCase780 Yes, the giant six pack. Also, three universities between beautiful bluffs and the river.
I'm from La Crosse, and it's a beautiful small city!
Iâm not combing my money wit my husband sorry⊠he a spender Iâm a saver so NO!
Same!
both in the relationship should be aware of how much each makes, and all of the bills they each have. but combine money? no.. i donât think so.. my partner and i donât do that but we are aware of all of our bills and how much they are combined, and how much we make combined, how much we each saved in the month. but we donât share an account. even if you donât share an account a couple should still be on the same page with everything financially otherwise its hard to function properly.
But when the husband makes more and donât want to combine end up being black sheep
@@sounds0fmeows then you shouldnât be married
Then you shouldnât be married
Everything I have is merged with my wife and I agree it would feel weird to have it any other way
If you think the way you are doing it works for you, why bother calling unless you think you're going to flex on the hosts.
Combine it if married. If you split up, the state's going to decide who gets what. So don't believe the "my money and her/his money " argument.
If your not 100% sure about your partner, why get married then?
Seems like a deal breaker for some people.
But that's assuming you know enough about finances before you go into marriage.
What about this caller's example when he learned about it after getting married?
If you can't convince your partner, it's usually something they are seeing, so I generally wouldn't push for it, especially after a decade of it.
How does this knowledge apply to me? Well, it would be realizing that marriage is a huge deal, so make sure the two are on the same page.
This is the one piece of Ramsey advice I'm so hesitant on...I have been around abusive/controlling relationships and have been in them myself..years later..we can have a combined one but there is nothing wrong with having your own bank account and security.
Especially if one person is more of a spender/saver.
Yes there is something wrong with it, it's stealing from the union. You're undermining your spouse by subtracting assets from their control.
This seems like a perfect example of how nothing is one size fits all. You can't apply every principle to every couple. They seem to be doing great with what they're doing.
that is so weird especially for their child. Y'all may not think this, but she is definitely picking up on those house divided cues.
Nothing wrong with having it separate if that works best for you.
We were married very young, so we started life together. We learned to grow together that way, so we keep everything expenses, debt, all of it together. Separating them sounds so foreign to me- but itâs not what we are used to. I think stick to what WORKS for YOUr own personal experiences. Good luck!!
You did the right thing.. if you get married, it has to be a team effort all around.. two people working together is very powerful.
Why not instead seek to persuade others on why they should follow your path? You had such a great preface and then totally washed it with âdo what works for youâ
@@TheMagdielzuniga I was thinking the same thing
I usually do not know about my friend's finances but one day while visiting my college roommate sat down with her husband and asked him for money. She explained to me they kept separate finances. Theur choice but when I get married I want to combine everything including money
That's what real married couples do. Don't be roommates. Make sure you have ensuring worked out before the wedding - kids, finances, religion, etc.
Do what works for you. I hate when people try to dictate what other married people must do.
@@megalodon1726 You do what you want. We do what works best.
60/40 because i make more money, split on bills. The we save and spend our own money as we wish
@@moggekungen That's what roommates do. My wife makes more than I do, and we're 50/50. Up until about 10 years ago, I made more. We were 50/50 then too.
My sister and her husband separated their finances. They each contributed half of all their bills. If it was a big purchase they both decided wether it was necessary and split the cost. If she wanted a new refrigerator just for a looks reason and he wasn't on board with that, then if she still wanted it--she paid for it herself. He wanted an above ground swimming pool because he wanted to swim everyday for exercise. She figured she would only swim occasionally, but the pool would open up more entertaining avenues --so she agreed to pay half. If one of them were unemployed they could "borrow" from the other one to pay the bills. When they became employed again, they would pay the other one back. They both paid towards savings and an emergency fund. They never fought about money! They fought about where they wanted the outlets in their new addition!! Lol!
It's a joint account with more steps. If your wife makes $5000 and that goes into her account and she spends it all on a dog that you don't want that's exactly the same as if you made $5000, it went into a joint account, and she spent it on a dog. There's no difference.
She's right
Why do you want them combined
So you can spend what's she's worked for
So he supported her but now she won't support him. In other words they aren't married.
We have separate finances, but not separate like "hers" and "mine". Ruth manages household operations and I manage investments. Money availability for each purpose is balanced by transferring between accounts when needed. I keep all the records on Quicken software and with network-linked PCs it's all visible to both of us all the time. Ruth doesn't look at it but she can; she asks when she wants information and I print reports; she then complains about the level of detail--you know the deal, "I ask what time it is and you tell me how to make a watch!" Here's another one: "My checking account is down!" Reply: "That's because of the hundreds of thousands in mutual funds. How much do you want in the checking account? I'll do it right now." That reply stops the complaining.
That is something that needs to be discussed before marriage. Your way has complete accountability.
He has no money coming in....duh.....of course he wants to combine their finances.
I understand the concept when a couple is young and both are starting out building their finances. However, for second marriages and substantial assets are involved, that should remain as separate assets. Build as a couple together once married but not co-mingling separate property. Divorce rates are far too high to be foolish and such a risk.
Such an interesting topicâŠin my prior marriage, my ex-wife & I shared bank accts. It was a disaster.
Fast forward 15 yrs laterâŠmy gf and I have discussed finances. However, we havenât had the deep conversation about money and future financial goals. Until this series of conversations takes place, the marriage speak is placed on hold.
After the divorce, to even be considering marriage a second time shows that you haven't learned your lesson. Maybe you do need to get burned a second time.
My 1994 Honda prelude worked as well. It was a 4 cylinder carriage that ran for a year but when I had to get it inspected I discovered one of the cylinder was not working. I had to junk it. It worked yes but not to its full capacity.
I had a '99 CRV and the mechanic said one of the cylinders had 50% compression. The aluminum heads on those got melted easily. But I just kept driving and 50k miles later sold it for about what I paid for it, still running just fine with no MPG or overheating issues.
sounds like the main benefit to combined accounts is being able to see their accounts... looking at each other's accounts could be done without combining finances
Mark, Rachael wonât say it, but I will; âMark, you are weird.â đ
Donât change anything. Most difficulties in marriage come from money and if separate accounts makes both parties happy then stick with that.
Sounds like you guys have only EXPERIENCED the happy side of life. Rachael... already a multimillionaire. And I doubt she would have near that without her Dad.
Separate checking accounts spare many arguments. However, a family checking account, IMO, should cover all expenses for the children...including clothing and althelic or other expenses.
ALL credit cards and any loans to which the marriage obligates BOTH parties should always be known to both.
There is nothing wrong with a credit card if used wisely and frugally. I know Dave's advice on this but I find it very helpful. I keep track of charges DAILY and never use mine foolishly. I hate handling filty cash. And cash brings the attention of would-be thieves.
I have benefitted from Dave's advice, but I think his advice holds greater weight due to his life experiences.
How do couples buy gifts for each other with joint accounts?