His shorts and videos are more successful than therapy because he knows what causes abuse and how abused people behave, and addresses both. Few therapists are trained to deal with childhood trauma and don't recognize it when they meet it. Patrick is not dealing with us personally, He is telling us what the causes and the symptoms are. If our therapist knew these causes and symptoms, would they tell us we were abused as children? I suspect they have to be careful legally. They also want to make a living. So maybe they want to milk the cow. Not all therapists are moral.
One of the reasons why I overly explain is because my parents always told me what my intentions were. Always negative. It wasn't possible that I just forgot something for instance. It was because I was lazy, I wanted other people to do the work for me etcetera. Now I'm always afraid that people think negative about my intentions and I tend to explain why I did or didn't do something. (edit typo)
I have some of that too, good explanation! I also have a trigger of feeling like what I have to say isn't important or isn't true because I'm the baby of the family, also how could I ever hope to say anything that everyone doesn't already know....so I overexplain to show how I arrived at my conclusion...problem is I am actually very intelligent, just don't know how to communicate it well. Except through music- playing piano literally saved my life by being a release of sorts.
I used to overexplain as a child already, then my mother would tell me I'm stating the obvious and to get to the point! Oh and ADD, being seen as lazy, selfish and various other things is a trauma response.... I'm a walking bag of trauma response, thanks mother
That describes me exactly. And, a massive trigger for me is the fear of not being believed. Never mind 'sound bites', these short clips are profound 'insight bites.' Thank you Patrick. You're a godsend. I'm currently doing therapy again and often mention areas you've created content about. It's been hugely helpful.
Yep! That's me, too! I wasn't believed when I was a kid. No one believed me that there was something bad about our new stepfather, even when he started hitting us they didn't listen to me. Later Mom didn't believe me that my siblings were bullying me. And all along, friends and other outside family members didn't believe the abuse was happening. No one believed me then, so here I am, 45 years later, overexplaining because I feel like I have to convince people so they'll believe me.
@LindaMWall I now am much more aware that this is a tendency I have 'because' of what happened and consciously try to edit what I'm about to explain or discuss with someone. I'm not 100% successful, especially if that person triggers me, especially unexpectedly, but I'm getting there. Knowing why you do something, and what it is that you're actually doing, is huge in being able to unlearn that response and put it into practice.
What I tell myself is to expect compassionate understanding. Because I expect the other person to be a harsh critic rather than being human about it. If they’re not understanding, that’s not a reflection on me. Theyre the weird one lol.
Yes haha my poor husband gets the long explanations and when I can see his eyes glossing over I say something playfully like "you'd ought to feel honored to hear my innermost thoughts" because he is literally one of two people I trust enough to be that open with.
I call it Panic-splaining. Pansplaining for short. Gallows humor. I am working so hard to heal it. But it's so automatic, I don't realize until afterward, and I realize I am sweating profusely. I feel like I need to put on my workout clothes just to write an email.
I’ve been doing this since childhood, I’m now in my 60’s. I thought it was just me being the weirdo I’ve always felt like. Thanks for the information you share here cos it really helps me realise that I’m actually not so weird but simply programmed by the trauma experienced during childhood. Thanks 🙏
I go into overdrive with that if the person does not react or respond to what I'm saying. Certain people just seem to ignore you and that really can get me going trying to get some kind of response.
@@laurarandolph5600oh my god same !!! i’ve recently realized i am also neurodivergent, and have been reframing this knowing i tend to fish for social cues (or affirmations) when explaining things to people. constantly checking in on how they feel, whether i am being understood, or need to explain differently, etc. i get very very nervous if i get an un emotive stare and instantly think i have done something wrong
@@sorousnap! I recently found out I had been diagnosed adhd and hadn't been told - over 20yrs before!! I'm re-framing a lot right now, and described to my counsellor it's like sorting through a pile of rice and lentils.
@@theresafreis Yes, I get triggered when I feel that they don't feel how important what I told them is. For example, my therapist told me my mom did the best she could. I know this intellectually, but the therapist doesn't get that emotionally it hurts like hell that my mom wasn't there for me and that fact was the source of my problems as an adult. It is like the therapist is treating my mom and not me. I already have guilt over my relationship with my mom. The therapist is telling me that my feelings don't matter.
Thank you for recognising that, it is incredibly healing! I wish my mom would recognise the damage she's done to me but she isn't half the person you seem to be ❤
I took a risk today and confronted my manager about how hurt I was by colleagues' actions and was assertive in how this made me feel. It was weighing heavily on me for weeks
How did it go?? I tried it out 2 months ago and my manager has been trying hard to be calm since then 😊 I must admit I was petrified when I did it because it could have gone the other way 🙆
@@bookkeepingsmes2089 I was happy I stood up for myself and didn't allow my feelings to be dismissed about the incident. I am still weighing out other options and if I want to remain in a harmful work environment due to many systemic issues and toxicity within the field.
@@johannahandersen8517 I'm proud of you! Nobody deserves to be treated disrespectfully, least of all in a work environment where professionalism should be the norm. If it's not, perhaps leaving is the only option....
I do this!! You are spot on! Either I wasn’t listened to, or made to feel guilty for not going along. I had to VALIDATE every choice I made where I put myself before others. Thank you for your help.
This is where you can fake it until you make it! I started to emulate what I saw in others who seemed to be confident and have a strong voice. Be the person you needed when you were younger. It's like a muscle that needs working. 🥰
I learned a lot of self control going over the US/Canada border a lot. Do not volunteer anything because you invite more questions. It is a discipline that has served other areas of course.
Can you do a more in depth video on this, Patrick? This is such a hugely important and relatable topic for me. Sometimes I think it’s just my anxiety but ofc my anxiety was rooted in childhood issues with controlling/manipulative parents who always felt it their obligation to educate (bc their way was correct and my way was wrong or dumb- I know they’re not right but those habits still persist and I’m trying to deal with them ❤) Thank you. Maybe you could do a roleplay on how to break away from this? 🙏 Love your work; it’s so appreciated!
I think one of my issues of over explaining or oversharing (and later on the shame and anxiety that follows from realizing that I might’ve done that, crossed a line, and have overwhelmed the listener) is the fear of not being understood. So I feel the need to add a lot of words to make sure I’m not misunderstood. What ends of happening I feel when I don’t overshare (and maybe this is a personal thing) is I get incredibly frustrated and annoyed as I’ll end up getting feedback or advice that I already know or is unhelpful and basic.
I do this!! But my husband is the complete opposite, very little communication, only tells people (including me) what they need to know at that moment and nothing more.
You seem to understand childhood trauma a lot more than any therapist I've seen, too. Thank you for your content and explaining things that I struggle with. It's very helpful in my healing journey ❤
Patrick, what distinguishes your approach from others on CZcams is the combination you bring of analysis + specific behavior ID + suggestions for modification. You are boss on this. They say that among some trauma survivors, mastery is a thing. Clearly you are living example of mastery. Thank you for the healing brilliance you bring.
Thanks Patrick ~ I do this on the regular. My brain is running at 100 rpm with multiple things I need to convey and if I skip over an item, I feel the need to go back & explain. What you've said makes me aware that I need to be more mindful about how I speak to others. Thanks again🦋
Wow I do this. I hadn’t thought about being triggered when I am doing it but remember back when I was younger and didn’t talk, explain, ramble so much and I remember feeling calmer and more together. Thank you.
when i sense this in other people ill always reassure them that i completely understand them, they are valid but sometimes they continue as if they dont believe i do :( like maybe no one else does. it makes me feel upset in a sympathetic kind of way.
You, Heidi Priebe and The Crappy Childhood Fairy have saved my life these past few months, but particularly today. I had your discussion with Anna on a repeat in my airpods all day, it was the only thing that could bring me out of my triggered response that lasted the majority of the day. Thank you so much for all that you do. 💜
@@mizzvioletgreat. I bet I will like Heidi also. The therapy on here from these very generous experts has helped me immensely. I have some fun channels too where people cook, etc. Variety is the spice of life, lol.
When talking with my father, he would get a weird look on his face, fix me with a stare that ought to be reserved for strangers, and say- I don't understand you. But his eyes would change color from hazel to green and I knew he was lying. But I would try to explain again and he would say it again. Eventually, I would give up thinking I was stupid because I can't explain something I was thinking. I gave up speaking for a long time as a kid and into high school because I didn't want to go through that with anyone.
OMGOOODNESSSSS! This is me to a tee! My husband even tells me after we've been somewhere, that I WAY OVER SHARE. I've always wondered why I feel so compelled. Now I understand. Thank you. I'll definitely try to do what you've suggested..
I learned this when I started treatment for adhd. Only answer questions that were asked directly, and even then just give one or two words. And even then, you can answer with "let me get back to you on that" or "why do you ask?" AND AND AND... Totally fine to pause after a question is asked. You can even confidently turn to make eye contact with another person, prompting them to answer first. Even if it's your employer, your partner, or the police, you do not have to have all the answers. "Let me check" "can I follow up with you after I take a look at my day planner" etc
Spent my whole life doing this... It's tough to break. I do it over mundane things, important things, talking to strangers and people I know. I do it with my son and that makes lots of things difficult because I end up confusing him and over stimulate with information. I constantly repeat myself and sometimes struggle with my husband letting me know that I'm repeating myself. Becoming defensive, and I guess that's because I feel an inate need to get all the words out that are in my brain. 😅 Appreciate these short clips, they cause me to process and think about ways to "fix" and or cope with these traumas. In the end I behave this way cause of the traumas suffered as a child. I wish you all healing and love on your journeys❤
This is 100% me. It is so bad that others will avoid talking to me and this has caused me to feel/ be even more socially awkward. I was even fired once for being overly detailed. I think a lifetime of doing this makes it hard on what parts/ facts are important as they all seem so crucial.
I do this 😂 I even like take pics or show whatever as proof. Now I know why I do this! Even while sending an email I think in the back of my brain " is this all really necessary"
This is me. I feel in my texts or communication in general i overdo it and feel others tune me out. Then I end up feeling more of a burden. Really want to work on this. And strike a better balance.
Believe it or not, I literally JUST figured this out myself about a month ago. I say ‘myself’ but it’s also from listening to you and other awesome knowledgeable people out there. (oops, too much detail there, lol).
I am 33 and started practicing "good enough comm" a few months ago and whew it is hard. My dad asked me a yes/no question the other day and I just answered Yes and he accused me of lying. He was expecting me to justify myself and provide many details but I did not. Proud of myself😊
Dang. I am having this problems right now. I often overexplaining thing, I do have the problems with being believed by others, and this has led to multiple fail relationships because I have to put up a mask to make myself fit in. Thanks for this short!! Because I was emotionally neglected by my dad, got hit by both parents. Being Asian and having mental issues are unheard of for my parents generations. I wish I had found you much earlier so that I can recognize the signs of childhood trauma.
I feel your pain for me it was both parents hitting me (when I was little) and now have unresolved mental health issues that I am going to work on soon all of the childhood trauma isn't found in one culture it can be be found in ALL cultures.
Thank you! It is so me. I somehow doubt I will be trusted so I tend to over explain myself and feel like confessing in front of a priest even though there is no sin just routine report 😢
w. o. w. …. and all this time, i thought i was “just chatty”… 😳🤣🤣🤣🤣… definitely a child and adult trauma survivor… with pure Virgo/Libra placements… i definitely analyze and am verrrry triggered by injustices… AND, totally proving out your point right here too!!!😊😊😊😂😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉⚖️⚖️💯💯🎯🎯😜😜♍️♍️🤷♀️thank you for this insight
I do this ad nauseam!!! I'm getting better at holding my words since my neck treatment started working I can actually think!! My boss does this too, is there a way I can support her or make her feel more comfortable saying less to me? I feel like my increasing competency and familiarity with her helps her relax, but I'd like to do more
I do this. But my intention is to give context so they can walk in my moccasins & maybe the solution will be based in/on accuracy. Up to this point, I would have never connected the dots between how visibly & energetically/constitutionally frustrated/triggered the "go getters" in the world get when I do that & my childhood trauma. Interesting 🤔 Thank You! 🙏🏼
I explain so as to avoid misunderstanding. If I do something, and I’m aware that it might be misinterpreted, of course I won’t want it to be taken out of context so I’m naturally going to provide detail.
This backfires when Cptsd then leads to medical Cptsd- because you are so terrified of everyone in medical settings due to having a rare disease and literally having to do the doctoring for yourself which has literally saved your own life several times due to medical negligence. And this will never chance- because I'll never be with the need of those intense medical supports to keep me alive longer. Not that the family gets it - it's rare and genetic so of course it's Alllll there fault and how dare I come to them asking for them to be tested too.
I'm in exactly the same boat. Rare genetic condition, not believed for years about health by medics, cPTSD, and diagnosed adhd and didn't find out for over 20yrs - only by accident. Very hard to not over explain with medics, but at least I can now throw genetics at them. I don't need to 'prove' that element now.
Yes guilty as charged 😂 Part of the problem is society tends to condition many people to be skeptical and judgemental. I have found people dont really get it when it comes to what I've been through and want to placate which feels dismissive, but I also think I'm Autistic so communication is hard bc of that too haha gah
That doesn't work for me because I have a hard time communicating with my family & my coparenting partner anyhow due to being neurodivergent. Sometimes I try to tell them something and they truly don't follow my train of thought because I'm not giving them enough information to connect the dots. The dots are already connected in my head, but I forget that not that many people think like me. I make too many subconscious assumptions in those situations and then feel frustrated because I'm not understood. 😒
So me. Not sure how to share less to explain more, as I still deal with adults that show I can't be believed though they don't know or even ask questions to learn more.
Emails and texts are great since I can see what I’m typing before I send it. I can edit, restructure sentences, and delete what isn’t necessary. But conversations? 🤦🏻♀️ way too much information is divulged - it’s like I have diarrhea of the mouth. I try not to but it ends up happening anyway and I really wish most times, I could just suck those words back up and leave them in my brain.
🎯 AGREED, I'M CURRENTLY LEARNING HOW TO BALANCE MYSELF WHEN I SHARE INFO. P. S. *💡 I NEVER REALIZED THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY ME BEING TRIGGERED, WOW!!! I'VE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL... HMMM, WHO WOULD'VE EVER THOUGHT???❤️🔥
How are this man's SHORTS more helpful than years in therapy? 😳
Thanks for another great one, Patrick.
Ditto.
exactly!
For real. I do need a therapist and I hope to fine one like Patrick.
IKR!!
His shorts and videos are more successful than therapy because he knows what causes abuse and how abused people behave, and addresses both. Few therapists are trained to deal with childhood trauma and don't recognize it when they meet it. Patrick is not dealing with us personally, He is telling us what the causes and the symptoms are. If our therapist knew these causes and symptoms, would they tell us we were abused as children? I suspect they have to be careful legally. They also want to make a living. So maybe they want to milk the cow. Not all therapists are moral.
One of the reasons why I overly explain is because my parents always told me what my intentions were. Always negative. It wasn't possible that I just forgot something for instance. It was because I was lazy, I wanted other people to do the work for me etcetera. Now I'm always afraid that people think negative about my intentions and I tend to explain why I did or didn't do something.
(edit typo)
Wow! This hits home. Not puzzle pieces I'd wver put together, but exactly why i over explain everything. 🤯
I have some of that too, good explanation! I also have a trigger of feeling like what I have to say isn't important or isn't true because I'm the baby of the family, also how could I ever hope to say anything that everyone doesn't already know....so I overexplain to show how I arrived at my conclusion...problem is I am actually very intelligent, just don't know how to communicate it well. Except through music- playing piano literally saved my life by being a release of sorts.
Same!!!!
I used to overexplain as a child already, then my mother would tell me I'm stating the obvious and to get to the point!
Oh and ADD, being seen as lazy, selfish and various other things is a trauma response.... I'm a walking bag of trauma response, thanks mother
Most relatable comment I've read all week! Always justifying because my intentions are always assumed to be negative and selfish
It's from invalidating parents where you needed a Harvard lawyer's argument just for the chance to be understood.
😂
Amen!!
Your condemned before you even open your mouth!
DAM 🙉
That describes me exactly. And, a massive trigger for me is the fear of not being believed. Never mind 'sound bites', these short clips are profound 'insight bites.' Thank you Patrick. You're a godsend. I'm currently doing therapy again and often mention areas you've created content about. It's been hugely helpful.
SAME!!
Yep! That's me, too! I wasn't believed when I was a kid. No one believed me that there was something bad about our new stepfather, even when he started hitting us they didn't listen to me. Later Mom didn't believe me that my siblings were bullying me. And all along, friends and other outside family members didn't believe the abuse was happening. No one believed me then, so here I am, 45 years later, overexplaining because I feel like I have to convince people so they'll believe me.
@LindaMWall I now am much more aware that this is a tendency I have 'because' of what happened and consciously try to edit what I'm about to explain or discuss with someone. I'm not 100% successful, especially if that person triggers me, especially unexpectedly, but I'm getting there. Knowing why you do something, and what it is that you're actually doing, is huge in being able to unlearn that response and put it into practice.
What I tell myself is to expect compassionate understanding. Because I expect the other person to be a harsh critic rather than being human about it. If they’re not understanding, that’s not a reflection on me. Theyre the weird one lol.
Sometimes I wonder if I am over explaining with my close friends, but I also feel I can share my real thoughts, emotions, and life with these people…
Yes haha my poor husband gets the long explanations and when I can see his eyes glossing over I say something playfully like "you'd ought to feel honored to hear my innermost thoughts" because he is literally one of two people I trust enough to be that open with.
I call it Panic-splaining. Pansplaining for short. Gallows humor. I am working so hard to heal it. But it's so automatic, I don't realize until afterward, and I realize I am sweating profusely. I feel like I need to put on my workout clothes just to write an email.
Exact. Cool you explained it well.
I’ve been doing this since childhood, I’m now in my 60’s. I thought it was just me being the weirdo I’ve always felt like. Thanks for the information you share here cos it really helps me realise that I’m actually not so weird but simply programmed by the trauma experienced during childhood. Thanks 🙏
I go into overdrive with that if the person does not react or respond to what I'm saying.
Certain people just seem to ignore you and that really can get me going trying to get some kind of response.
Absolutely! I continue explaining until I get an acknowledgment.
It makes sense to me, but I do notice not all people do so!
Triggered…
@@theresafreis I actually keep going until I start feeling embarrassed at the non-response...
@@laurarandolph5600oh my god same !!! i’ve recently realized i am also neurodivergent, and have been reframing this knowing i tend to fish for social cues (or affirmations) when explaining things to people. constantly checking in on how they feel, whether i am being understood, or need to explain differently, etc. i get very very nervous if i get an un emotive stare and instantly think i have done something wrong
@@sorousnap! I recently found out I had been diagnosed adhd and hadn't been told - over 20yrs before!! I'm re-framing a lot right now, and described to my counsellor it's like sorting through a pile of rice and lentils.
@@theresafreis Yes, I get triggered when I feel that they don't feel how important what I told them is.
For example, my therapist told me my mom did the best she could. I know this intellectually, but the therapist doesn't get that emotionally it hurts like hell that my mom wasn't there for me and that fact was the source of my problems as an adult. It is like the therapist is treating my mom and not me. I already have guilt over my relationship with my mom. The therapist is telling me that my feelings don't matter.
I truly appreciate what you do here. You help heal more in one minute than others do in decades.
Yes! I wish I'd known this 35 years ago. And I think I passed on this behavior to my kids. You are doing such good work!!!
Thank you for recognising that, it is incredibly healing! I wish my mom would recognise the damage she's done to me but she isn't half the person you seem to be ❤
I took a risk today and confronted my manager about how hurt I was by colleagues' actions and was assertive in how this made me feel. It was weighing heavily on me for weeks
How did it go?? I tried it out 2 months ago and my manager has been trying hard to be calm since then 😊 I must admit I was petrified when I did it because it could have gone the other way 🙆
@@bookkeepingsmes2089 I was happy I stood up for myself and didn't allow my feelings to be dismissed about the incident. I am still weighing out other options and if I want to remain in a harmful work environment due to many systemic issues and toxicity within the field.
@@johannahandersen8517 I'm proud of you! Nobody deserves to be treated disrespectfully, least of all in a work environment where professionalism should be the norm. If it's not, perhaps leaving is the only option....
I do this!! You are spot on!
Either I wasn’t listened to, or made to feel guilty for not going along. I had to VALIDATE every choice I made where I put myself before others.
Thank you for your help.
This is where you can fake it until you make it! I started to emulate what I saw in others who seemed to be confident and have a strong voice. Be the person you needed when you were younger. It's like a muscle that needs working. 🥰
@@bethwalker6218 thank you for your beautiful advice. 😊
10 years of therapy here!! He’s helped me more this week!!! Just amazing!!
I've found myself! Luckily, with more healing comes less self-explaining. It gets better over time when we save our inner child. Thanks, Patrick! 🥰
I learned a lot of self control going over the US/Canada border a lot. Do not volunteer anything because you invite more questions. It is a discipline that has served other areas of course.
Same! Definitely have increasingly said the minimum. I also have Nexus so sometimes now I don't have to answer almost anything 👍
I struggle with this so much!! I often feel like I have to make a case for myself.
Can you do a more in depth video on this, Patrick? This is such a hugely important and relatable topic for me. Sometimes I think it’s just my anxiety but ofc my anxiety was rooted in childhood issues with controlling/manipulative parents who always felt it their obligation to educate (bc their way was correct and my way was wrong or dumb- I know they’re not right but those habits still persist and I’m trying to deal with them ❤) Thank you. Maybe you could do a roleplay on how to break away from this? 🙏 Love your work; it’s so appreciated!
I think one of my issues of over explaining or oversharing (and later on the shame and anxiety that follows from realizing that I might’ve done that, crossed a line, and have overwhelmed the listener) is the fear of not being understood. So I feel the need to add a lot of words to make sure I’m not misunderstood. What ends of happening I feel when I don’t overshare (and maybe this is a personal thing) is I get incredibly frustrated and annoyed as I’ll end up getting feedback or advice that I already know or is unhelpful and basic.
I do this!! But my husband is the complete opposite, very little communication, only tells people (including me) what they need to know at that moment and nothing more.
Thank you. This does help. After being silenced at seven yrs old - this has been my reality/struggle for 50 years.
Most people don't " get it " and may hear you but they're NOT LISTENING.
You seem to understand childhood trauma a lot more than any therapist I've seen, too. Thank you for your content and explaining things that I struggle with. It's very helpful in my healing journey ❤
I used to offer to show my therapist emails of my boss’ abuse until she told me she believes me and doesn’t need to see proof
It's incredibly validating and healing when someone not in the middle of it (esp someone you havent known that long) says I BELIEVE YOU.
My coworker in a nutshell and idk how to gently support and encourage her to grow.
Great info!
Patrick, what distinguishes your approach from others on CZcams is the combination you bring of analysis + specific behavior ID + suggestions for modification. You are boss on this. They say that among some trauma survivors, mastery is a thing. Clearly you are living example of mastery. Thank you for the healing brilliance you bring.
I appreciate you Patrick ❤️👍❗
Thanks Patrick ~ I do this on the regular. My brain is running at 100 rpm with multiple things I need to convey and if I skip over an item, I feel the need to go back & explain.
What you've said makes me aware that I need to be more mindful about how I speak to others. Thanks again🦋
Wow I do this. I hadn’t thought about being triggered when I am doing it but remember back when I was younger and didn’t talk, explain, ramble so much and I remember feeling calmer and more together. Thank you.
when i sense this in other people ill always reassure them that i completely understand them, they are valid but sometimes they continue as if they dont believe i do :( like maybe no one else does. it makes me feel upset in a sympathetic kind of way.
You, Heidi Priebe and The Crappy Childhood Fairy have saved my life these past few months, but particularly today. I had your discussion with Anna on a repeat in my airpods all day, it was the only thing that could bring me out of my triggered response that lasted the majority of the day. Thank you so much for all that you do. 💜
What discussion with Anna? What is the name of the episode?
@@sushisam3010 "a chat with the crappy childhood fairy "
I do Crappy Childhood Fairy also, she’s great. I will check out Heidi :)
@@eclecticvicki8376 love TCCF! :) And can't recommend Heidi enough. Her videos have talked me out of tons of spirals!
@@mizzvioletgreat. I bet I will like Heidi also. The therapy on here from these very generous experts has helped me immensely. I have some fun channels too where people cook, etc. Variety is the spice of life, lol.
When talking with my father, he would get a weird look on his face, fix me with a stare that ought to be reserved for strangers, and say- I don't understand you. But his eyes would change color from hazel to green and I knew he was lying. But I would try to explain again and he would say it again. Eventually, I would give up thinking I was stupid because I can't explain something I was thinking. I gave up speaking for a long time as a kid and into high school because I didn't want to go through that with anyone.
OMGOOODNESSSSS!
This is me to a tee!
My husband even tells me after we've been somewhere, that I WAY OVER SHARE. I've always wondered why I feel so compelled.
Now I understand. Thank you.
I'll definitely try to do what you've suggested..
I learned this when I started treatment for adhd. Only answer questions that were asked directly, and even then just give one or two words. And even then, you can answer with "let me get back to you on that" or "why do you ask?" AND AND AND... Totally fine to pause after a question is asked. You can even confidently turn to make eye contact with another person, prompting them to answer first.
Even if it's your employer, your partner, or the police, you do not have to have all the answers. "Let me check" "can I follow up with you after I take a look at my day planner" etc
👏👏👏👏 this!!!
Your videos and shorts have been so spot on and helpful . Thank you. ❤
"saying so much more with so much less" ooo that's some serious goals right there... I can definitely relate to this.
Absolutely priceless lesson. Thank you soo much for this post! This is gold ❤️
Spent my whole life doing this... It's tough to break. I do it over mundane things, important things, talking to strangers and people I know. I do it with my son and that makes lots of things difficult because I end up confusing him and over stimulate with information. I constantly repeat myself and sometimes struggle with my husband letting me know that I'm repeating myself. Becoming defensive, and I guess that's because I feel an inate need to get all the words out that are in my brain. 😅 Appreciate these short clips, they cause me to process and think about ways to "fix" and or cope with these traumas. In the end I behave this way cause of the traumas suffered as a child.
I wish you all healing and love on your journeys❤
This is 100% me. It is so bad that others will avoid talking to me and this has caused me to feel/ be even more socially awkward. I was even fired once for being overly detailed. I think a lifetime of doing this makes it hard on what parts/ facts are important as they all seem so crucial.
Wow…very helpful… Thank you!
Hiiiiiiiiii!!!! This is me!!!!!! All day everyday. Will be bringing this to therapy on Monday, thank you. ❤
Excellent. I am more. Mindful of this in my 50s!! Took me a long time to “get it” and I am gradually improving.
I do this 😂 I even like take pics or show whatever as proof. Now I know why I do this! Even while sending an email I think in the back of my brain " is this all really necessary"
Often. And several times. I've found that I don't want to feel misunderstood.
This is me. I feel in my texts or communication in general i overdo it and feel others tune me out. Then I end up feeling more of a burden. Really want to work on this. And strike a better balance.
Oh yeah, this is me. Again great advice Patrick!
Believe it or not, I literally JUST figured this out myself about a month ago. I say ‘myself’ but it’s also from listening to you and other awesome knowledgeable people out there. (oops, too much detail there, lol).
I am 33 and started practicing "good enough comm" a few months ago and whew it is hard. My dad asked me a yes/no question the other day and I just answered Yes and he accused me of lying. He was expecting me to justify myself and provide many details but I did not. Proud of myself😊
Dang. I am having this problems right now. I often overexplaining thing, I do have the problems with being believed by others, and this has led to multiple fail relationships because I have to put up a mask to make myself fit in. Thanks for this short!!
Because I was emotionally neglected by my dad, got hit by both parents. Being Asian and having mental issues are unheard of for my parents generations. I wish I had found you much earlier so that I can recognize the signs of childhood trauma.
I feel your pain for me it was both parents hitting me (when I was little) and now have unresolved mental health issues that I am going to work on soon all of the childhood trauma isn't found in one culture it can be be found in ALL cultures.
@@eeveegirl1334 yes Asian culture have this notion of corporal punishment as love, even have a idiom about it.
I find myself being anxious before I can get my explanation out. I feel rushed and hurried to explain and it's exhausting.
I was just getting ready to email my preceptor a list of the crap I have going on. Thank you.
🎯🎯🎯💯
Nailed it. Again.
Thank you! It is so me. I somehow doubt I will be trusted so I tend to over explain myself and feel like confessing in front of a priest even though there is no sin just routine report 😢
My ACA friend and I both do this a lot.
I always over explain. And I'm teaching myself what is important and what is not but it's hard to remember sometimes
Definitely...it's like I will talk the hind leg off a donkey 😂
Not going to be believed. 💥
It’s crazy that so many ASD symptoms are actually trauma symptoms
You're fantastic. Thank you
Yea and yes! Thank you Patrick
w. o. w. …. and all this time, i thought i was “just chatty”… 😳🤣🤣🤣🤣… definitely a child and adult trauma survivor… with pure Virgo/Libra placements… i definitely analyze and am verrrry triggered by injustices… AND, totally proving out your point right here too!!!😊😊😊😂😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉⚖️⚖️💯💯🎯🎯😜😜♍️♍️🤷♀️thank you for this insight
This is me ALL THE TIME with anything important - so much more by saying so much less? HOW??
I realy need a Trick for noticing it sooner... I only realise it way way later
I do this ad nauseam!!!
I'm getting better at holding my words since my neck treatment started working I can actually think!!
My boss does this too, is there a way I can support her or make her feel more comfortable saying less to me?
I feel like my increasing competency and familiarity with her helps her relax, but I'd like to do more
Chronic pain / illness will definitely do away with your filter and emotional control
Spot on.
Guilty as charged, but working on it. It is easier to shorten it when in writing, but harder when it is verbal communication.
I do this to such an extent I lose track of the point I'm trying to make
I do this.
But my intention is to give context so they can walk in my moccasins & maybe the solution will be based in/on accuracy. Up to this point, I would have never connected the dots between how visibly & energetically/constitutionally frustrated/triggered the "go getters" in the world get when I do that & my childhood trauma.
Interesting 🤔
Thank You! 🙏🏼
I explain so as to avoid misunderstanding. If I do something, and I’m aware that it might be misinterpreted, of course I won’t want it to be taken out of context so I’m naturally going to provide detail.
This backfires when Cptsd then leads to medical Cptsd- because you are so terrified of everyone in medical settings due to having a rare disease and literally having to do the doctoring for yourself which has literally saved your own life several times due to medical negligence. And this will never chance- because I'll never be with the need of those intense medical supports to keep me alive longer. Not that the family gets it - it's rare and genetic so of course it's Alllll there fault and how dare I come to them asking for them to be tested too.
I'm in exactly the same boat. Rare genetic condition, not believed for years about health by medics, cPTSD, and diagnosed adhd and didn't find out for over 20yrs - only by accident. Very hard to not over explain with medics, but at least I can now throw genetics at them. I don't need to 'prove' that element now.
This is totally me.
Somewhere I have seen the term Fawning. It feels right too me. Guilty.
👍💝OMG thank you 😩
That would be me. More so in my talking though then in my texting.
ME. I realized I do it because the abuse I experienced involved everything I said being picked apart in weird ways
That does help. Thank u
Yes guilty as charged 😂
Part of the problem is society tends to condition many people to be skeptical and judgemental. I have found people dont really get it when it comes to what I've been through and want to placate which feels dismissive, but I also think I'm Autistic so communication is hard bc of that too haha gah
That doesn't work for me because I have a hard time communicating with my family & my coparenting partner anyhow due to being neurodivergent. Sometimes I try to tell them something and they truly don't follow my train of thought because I'm not giving them enough information to connect the dots. The dots are already connected in my head, but I forget that not that many people think like me. I make too many subconscious assumptions in those situations and then feel frustrated because I'm not understood. 😒
So me. Not sure how to share less to explain more, as I still deal with adults that show I can't be believed though they don't know or even ask questions to learn more.
Emails and texts are great since I can see what I’m typing before I send it. I can edit, restructure sentences, and delete what isn’t necessary. But conversations? 🤦🏻♀️ way too much information is divulged - it’s like I have diarrhea of the mouth. I try not to but it ends up happening anyway and I really wish most times, I could just suck those words back up and leave them in my brain.
I struggle with uptalk while over explaining
Yes .. I have found myself doing this....
Thank you!!!
🎯 AGREED, I'M CURRENTLY LEARNING HOW TO BALANCE MYSELF WHEN I SHARE INFO.
P. S. *💡 I NEVER REALIZED THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY ME BEING TRIGGERED, WOW!!! I'VE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL... HMMM, WHO WOULD'VE EVER THOUGHT???❤️🔥
Everyone shuts me down because they say they don’t want to hear it I just want to be understood no harm meant
So me! I've worked on it and can catch it sometimes but I still wanna....
This is me 100%.
This. is. MAJOR.
Thank you 🙏
Thank you :)
thank you 💖
How do you know what to leave in and what to leave out? I am definitely an over explainer.. Every little detail seems important for me to get across.
Thankyou!!
This is very helpful
Is that why I write books 😂 instead of just a sentence or two in comment sections???Guilty as charged.
Amazing
So true!!
ME!! ✋
Yes!!! I do that!
We're forced to iver explain because they never believe us. It's not a good quality to have if you need to testify
I NEVER knew that's why I do this 😳 YIKES 😬🤔