What a 15-year-old meth addict taught me about leadership | Brian Fretwell | TEDxBoise

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  • čas přidán 25. 06. 2018
  • How do you lead someone who knows what they need to do to change their life but-despite all your help-isn’t going to do it?
    Brian Fretwell was confronted with this scenario repeatedly during his time as a teacher in the chemical addictions unit of a juvenile corrections facility. The honesty of a 15-year-old meth addict, and the wisdom of a mentor, reframed Brian’s definition and practice of leadership. Brian Fretwell helps people realize their value. He began his professional career as a teacher in juvenile corrections, empowering disenfranchised kids to do things they didn’t believe they could. From the Australian Outback to the Arctic Circle, today Brian teaches individuals, teams, and companies how to draw out their hidden potential. He got an MBA, ran a 100-mile ultra-marathon, overcame his fear of flying, and wrote a book because he didn’t think he could do any of them-and being a hypocrite isn’t his style.
    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Komentáře • 3K

  • @chupacabra9357
    @chupacabra9357 Před 5 lety +1965

    This story had a 90% chance of revealing that he is Nathan.

    • @tylerkemp3998
      @tylerkemp3998 Před 4 lety +32

      Zain Chupacabra broooo I was thinking the same thing

    • @user-qn3ey1fr9r
      @user-qn3ey1fr9r Před 4 lety +40

      He said I don't know where Nathan is today. He is the kid Nathan was hiding inside him 😯

    • @callmegary2622
      @callmegary2622 Před 4 lety +84

      @@user-qn3ey1fr9r he ate Nathan? 😯

    • @plate3352
      @plate3352 Před 4 lety +12

      His name is Brian wtf

    • @igo0di
      @igo0di Před 4 lety +7

      No tattoos

  • @BPD-Bob
    @BPD-Bob Před 4 lety +2265

    That crowd sucked, jokes were killin it lol. This was a very good talk.

    • @dafukfuktuos4728
      @dafukfuktuos4728 Před 4 lety +60

      Nah they were just to absorbed into the story

    • @benwolf5264
      @benwolf5264 Před 4 lety +37

      Ain't a comedy club lol, usually the more intellectual people you get the less sense of humor that occurs

    • @BPD-Bob
      @BPD-Bob Před 4 lety +76

      @@benwolf5264 not having a sense of humor doesn't make ya smart, but whatever makes you feel better about yourself lol

    • @elid3273
      @elid3273 Před 4 lety +17

      B Murph that’s not what he said. He said a lot of intelligent people don’t have the strongest sense of humor. This is a very true statement.

    • @gbm6882
      @gbm6882 Před 4 lety +8

      @ B Murph Oh i’ve seen a study like this somewhere... the conclusion the researchers came to was that the smarter people were considered smarter because through their childhood they studied and if they had the humor trait it was shown that they were less serious about their studying. Of course a sense of humor can be rediscovered as shown by a different study I saw a while ago. People that were said to be without a lack of humor and they were forced to interact with charismatic or funny or people with a sense of humor and remarkable enough they subconsiously copied their mannerisms in the first phase and like a while later they were said to have “gained a sense of humor”. You can classify a sense of humor as a lot of things but most of the time you can see that it draws to charisma or fear and I haven’t seen a study on humor that hasn’t been met with near unanimous support yet. So i’ll say that humor is the genuine subconscious reaction to a stimulus and with that in mind you’ll see that humans are really social creatures and when you leave them to develop on their own then there isn’t much control to how they develop their humor.. like a desert and a coast are to a buffer and pH, one has a buffer. You’ll see that the people you classify smart (systematic education wise) don’t fare much better as the people with experience, passion or the eccentricity. All ted talks i’ve seen were with people with the second kind. It’s probably just random chance though... this crowd was a tough crowd even by TED standards.... can someone check the sEm on that im too lazy

  • @dabonsomeone5243
    @dabonsomeone5243 Před 5 lety +3108

    When is Ted gonna talk

  • @RaceySpacey
    @RaceySpacey Před 4 lety +473

    When he got emotional I bursted out into tears. Lost my mum to drugs. Maybe I should of asked questions instead of giving the answers. I will remember that the next time I am trying to help someone through a hard time, drugs or just life

    • @razorsedg3563
      @razorsedg3563 Před 4 lety +6

      Yea, and hopefully when your children get older, you *will* ask questions if it ever becomes a vital topic that may save their lives as well. My deepest condolences for you 🙏 Yours and my daughter have the exact same name!! That's so cool. Except her name is spelled with ir instead of er at the end. I knew you must have been either from England or Australia by the way you said mum. I'm so proud of your country standing up to China for their threats!!

    • @BrainFoodCafe
      @BrainFoodCafe Před 3 lety

      I am sorry for your loss

    • @marcuswashington6229
      @marcuswashington6229 Před 3 lety +2

      I'm for your loss as well. I also got emotional at that part. I had to screenshot what you said too, it will be foundation for my business. I appreciate you.

    • @charlesjnicholas1384
      @charlesjnicholas1384 Před 2 lety

      Let me recommend to you the best tutorial on addiction. "Staying Sober!" A GUIDE FOR RELAPSE PREVENTION by Gorski and Miller.

    • @potatosmasher1072
      @potatosmasher1072 Před rokem +1

      *should have
      I mean no disrespect ofc. This is just what I do.

  • @MK-vw9wz
    @MK-vw9wz Před 5 lety +7854

    Plot twist: he is Nathan.

    • @jmfwarmi
      @jmfwarmi Před 5 lety +315

      Twist Plot: Is he Nathan?

    • @jmfwarmi
      @jmfwarmi Před 5 lety +133

      Nathan Drake

    • @adamyoung6797
      @adamyoung6797 Před 5 lety +302

      Can't be, his teeth are too nice.

    • @eemotion
      @eemotion Před 5 lety +114

      Also the tattoos?

    • @vwoday1872
      @vwoday1872 Před 5 lety +82

      @@adamyoung6797 dental implants or dentures

  • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
    @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell Před 6 lety +5424

    Where did Nathan Go?
    It's a question I've gotten numerous time about "The 15 yr old meth addict who taught me about leadership"
    "Nathan" (not his real name) may well be running his own business somewhere with the family, education, and future he hoped for, or he could be in a grave somewhere passing way too early. I've seen both outcomes with many of the kids we worked with at the time.
    I wonder if a better question is.
    Does it matter?
    Should I be less motivated by his brave action if his future turned out bad or more because it turned out well? If he was shot in a drive-by does it make his prior bravery any less important, less impactful, less courageous?
    I've been inspired by complete assholes and more than let down by absolute saints. As we all have.
    But, in each situation, we have a choice. Focus on the good we got, or the perfection that was missed. The story about Nathan is imperfect, like the rest of us.
    In that way, it leaves us with a choice about what we want to focus on. Which, in turn, will communicate what we get out of it.
    What do you think?

    • @dashtothemax5353
      @dashtothemax5353 Před 5 lety +65

      My feelers, thanks for reminding me that there's others out there that been have been through similar situations.

    • @erikbarrett85
      @erikbarrett85 Před 5 lety +101

      Doesn't matter, excellent response to the question and subsequent thoughts. Might be best you DON'T know what happened, tbh.

    • @jadamajors1891
      @jadamajors1891 Před 5 lety +157

      Woaahh you're even a good speaker through writing....

    • @gaeldadon
      @gaeldadon Před 5 lety +39

      Man, you're the kind of guy I would let lead me! Great talk! I have learned a lot from this, thank you.

    • @FreeJulianAssange23
      @FreeJulianAssange23 Před 5 lety +76

      I think Nathan matters.

  • @postmodernfreak
    @postmodernfreak Před 5 lety +553

    "People don't need our answers, they need our participation"

    • @infinitethoughts9964
      @infinitethoughts9964 Před 4 lety

      igot all the answers fuk this clown..............................haha he now takes meds,harm mini,,,,hahhaa

    • @majik1468
      @majik1468 Před 4 lety

      huh? lol i legit didnt understand what you were trying to say xD

    • @jacktaylor6250
      @jacktaylor6250 Před 4 lety +2

      I read this comment as he said it...... spooky

    • @kevincorley1750
      @kevincorley1750 Před 4 lety

      @@jacktaylor6250 literally same wtf

    • @catedoge3206
      @catedoge3206 Před 4 lety +3

      @@majik1468 he's prolly a drug addict.

  • @catedoge3206
    @catedoge3206 Před 4 lety +309

    The anger and authenticity in his voice is heartwarming. I felt that.

  • @makenzietibbs2360
    @makenzietibbs2360 Před 5 lety +7923

    for all the people who “don’t believe” a 15 year old could be a meth addict, please take a moment to be thankful that you were privileged enough and win the birth lottery of parents, a decent house, love, not having to be hurt enough to turn to drugs, and living in a “nice” and “quiet” area. not all kids have this privilege, especially kids like Nathan, who probably grew up without love, lived in a “bad” area. and turned to drugs and gangs as a way to cope.

    • @anolan93
      @anolan93 Před 5 lety +162

      Makenzie Tibbs exactly my sister started doing meth at this age maybe younger when she was sent to live with MY FATHER. My mom didn't know this about him when my sister begged to live with him because she was having a difficult time.
      She's sober know since she was 33; thank God, she's 38 now.

    • @makenzietibbs2360
      @makenzietibbs2360 Před 5 lety +65

      alicia nolan i’m so sorry to hear about that. it must’ve been really hard to watch your sister go through bad times. but i’m really glad she’s better now

    • @spacegrass6632
      @spacegrass6632 Před 5 lety +67

      why are you talking about this tf
      your name is makenzie no fucken way you lived in a rough area

    • @jennifers508
      @jennifers508 Před 5 lety +282

      Addiction doesn't discriminate.
      Living in a "nice" and "quiet" area will not prevent you from becoming an addict.

    • @aylaburrell.7891
      @aylaburrell.7891 Před 5 lety +71

      my ex-girlfriend was 16 when she started using. people are so closed-minded and they don't know how real this stuff can be. smh

  • @tacopie310
    @tacopie310 Před 5 lety +2205

    His audible breathing was due to nervousness (fear of speaking in public.) His delivery: loudness & melodramatic, indicates how deeply this speaker was moved by his experience. It was a learning he still feels intensely.
    True emotions are hard to disguise unless one is skilled in: professional acting, polished public speaking and lying.
    If you chose to focus on and critique his breath or 'bad' speaking, you missed the entire meaning of the speech; good leadership means questioning, not just those you try to lead, but yourself as well. All the time!
    Even if one never plans to lead, manage, supervise, counsel, mentor, parent, employ, minister to or address others.
    When we FIRST ask ourselves why we feel a certain way about another, we open ourselves to:
    1. Potentially understanding them.. and growing,
    2. Probably discovering something deeper in ourselves.. and growing.
    Growing = living. When a living thing stops growing, it's dead.

    • @bryanortega8963
      @bryanortega8963 Před 5 lety +46

      Sean de Haast most insightful and intelligent thing I have heard from a comment in a long time

    • @slipkik8781
      @slipkik8781 Před 5 lety +3

      Exactly brother

    • @tacopie310
      @tacopie310 Před 5 lety +7

      Thanks. Peace!

    • @scottmacleod9830
      @scottmacleod9830 Před 5 lety +6

      Sean de Haast Actually his whole speech says he's lying, nervous, and not committed to his words.

    • @colourized8494
      @colourized8494 Před 5 lety +6

      highly underrated comment

  • @sebcrakpot1234
    @sebcrakpot1234 Před 5 lety +503

    '' Our deepest fear is not we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure ''

    • @BladeRunner-td8be
      @BladeRunner-td8be Před 4 lety +25

      For me this is true. Almost every time in my life when things were going good I willfully and consciously sabotaged it.

    • @danthadon87
      @danthadon87 Před 4 lety +7

      Thanks Coach Carter.

    • @nicechoicee
      @nicechoicee Před 4 lety +6

      @@BladeRunner-td8be I've done that and now I'm jobless smh

    • @TheBaron97
      @TheBaron97 Před 4 lety +1

      Yeah probably not bro

    • @whatwhat4226
      @whatwhat4226 Před 4 lety +1

      @@danthadon87 😂😂😂

  • @potatowizard6676
    @potatowizard6676 Před 5 lety +1763

    literally every comment is people defending him over his breathing i havent seen one attacking his breathing

  • @DVPlushies
    @DVPlushies Před 5 lety +2024

    my dad is a meth addict, im not allowed to make contact with him legally until i turn 18, I last saw him almost 3 years ago, and every day, one thing i think is "i will never see my dad again. i should have enjoyed that time i had with him 3 years ago, because i know thats the last time ill ever see him." i didnt even tell him how much i love him last time I saw him, i dont know why im posting about this, but to everyone who reads this please tell everyone you know how much you love them because you never know when itll be gone

    • @Civ-rg7zw
      @Civ-rg7zw Před 5 lety +53

      Dom Da Bom+ look It doesn’t matter if you didn’t say you loved him before you were taken away it matters if you know he’s loved you for how long you’ve been away.
      You don’t know my face, my voice, or or my personality but you can see my compass and love for my fellow human being

    • @arunt8411
      @arunt8411 Před 5 lety +28

      You never know man. Maybe you'll meet him again.

    • @Xxassass1n021xX
      @Xxassass1n021xX Před 5 lety +10

      You'll be okay man, you'll find ur father

    • @sergioi7377
      @sergioi7377 Před 5 lety +28

      That's so sad. Alexa play party in the usa by miley cyrus

    • @michxo9443
      @michxo9443 Před 5 lety +30

      Hun your dad is gunna be ok you'll turn 18 and be best buds with your pops. Just because he does meth doesn't make him any less of a person, I know a lot of successful lawyers that use meth lol don't let what society thinks alter your mind. Idk you or your dad but this is my opinion. He's not going to die he's not going to jail unless he's a criminal, which idk.

  • @itsenzo3000
    @itsenzo3000 Před 5 lety +375

    The first time I see a public speech gets so emotional

  • @EricChamplin
    @EricChamplin Před 5 lety +910

    This talk was amazing and I truly wish the best for Nathan and his future.

  • @tessellatiaartilery8197
    @tessellatiaartilery8197 Před 5 lety +72

    “Leadership isn’t a me thing it’s a we thing.” Well put. Thank you.

  • @trinityfrank2526
    @trinityfrank2526 Před 5 lety +1431

    I really hope Nathan sees this and contacts him

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell Před 5 lety +118

      Trinity Frank me too. Thank you Trinity. I think that would be cool.

    • @ryliemab
      @ryliemab Před 5 lety +29

      was just thinking this same thing too. i've been in a psych ward and i know the staff can't really keep in touch with the patients, but it would be cool to try and find him, see where he is now.

    • @notsoprogaming9789
      @notsoprogaming9789 Před 5 lety +8

      not allowed to :/

    • @imagineifeverythingwasraci5318
      @imagineifeverythingwasraci5318 Před 5 lety +10

      Trinity Frank there is no Nathan

    • @noahomen
      @noahomen Před 5 lety +3

      yeah come on man... there never was a nathan in the first place

  • @Creezi
    @Creezi Před 5 lety +1845

    I like the passion in his speech i dont mind the breathing.

  • @raymondmaglaris4149
    @raymondmaglaris4149 Před 5 lety +93

    I almost cried when Nathan admitted his fear. I had that same moment in my method addiction where I had no hope and was so scared.

  • @fatcatz777memez4
    @fatcatz777memez4 Před 5 lety +102

    "It's our light that we're most afraid of" Inspirational quote.

  • @moonlace1560
    @moonlace1560 Před 5 lety +2591

    Y'all unsympathetic af, this talk was amazing.

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell Před 5 lety +36

      Very nice of you to say.

    • @z00h
      @z00h Před 5 lety +8

      I reckon that to truly appreciate this talk, taking meth beforehand might be a good idea.

    • @spelzsamizminespelz
      @spelzsamizminespelz Před 5 lety +2

      z00h If one could even sit still during a 14-minute video.

    • @z00h
      @z00h Před 5 lety

      Le Penseur - don't knock it before you try it*
      *always read T&C's or consult your doctor before taking any drugs.

    • @Bruh-ud1mm
      @Bruh-ud1mm Před 5 lety +2

      Empathetic*

  • @mariannewhite383
    @mariannewhite383 Před 5 lety +2047

    How can people comment on the public speaking abilities of this man when he is crying over a child addicted to drugs? It's really easy to laugh or poke fun when it's not your son addicted to meth finally opening up to someone about a potential future, instead of a potential death sentence. Please have a little bit more compassion.

    • @jefurholder4093
      @jefurholder4093 Před 5 lety

      So I

    • @captainobvious1750
      @captainobvious1750 Před 5 lety +15

      hey, at least they're making fun of his breathing, not making fun of nathan

    • @Nowhy
      @Nowhy Před 5 lety +4

      marianne white how? I heard of a study about how it stands with empathy in first world countries: result.. Only 2 in 10 people feel others, but they love their cars, pets, smartphones etc.

    • @ragemayne7219
      @ragemayne7219 Před 5 lety +2

      Love this comment

    • @yokata7333
      @yokata7333 Před 5 lety +1

      Happy too see that,
      ppl should think about themselves
      maybe they'll see the light

  • @yunokawaii1772
    @yunokawaii1772 Před 4 lety +24

    he had to fight his tears so hard. its amazing how emotional he talked about this heartbreaking happening. what a man. this derserves more views.

  • @xuantungnguyen9719
    @xuantungnguyen9719 Před 5 lety +84

    "I want to have a family" Exactly what I had in mind.

  • @tassiarae9165
    @tassiarae9165 Před 5 lety +340

    This really hit me. Been struggling with addiction since i was 14, im currently 17 and my use has been almost daily for the past year. It would've and still would help me so much to receive the type of attention and care this teacher gave to nathan because theres lack of. Many addicts are missing conection and support and overall a loving enviroment. I wish more people approached the issue like this man because many of us are not the lowlive pieces of shits that are slaves to their drugs, even then most of those people are a product of their enviroment. We are people that are hurting. Being perceived as less than makes it impossible to get help. It means a lot to reach out like this and Im positive he left a huge mark on nathan, bless this man and his compassion. 💕

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell Před 5 lety +52

      Tassia, So glad this connected with you.
      You are worth being seen, heard, and known. I truly hope you can find the beauty within yourself that becomes worth fighting for. It means a lot to me to have you share your story. You have affected this person, and I hope you know you can, and likely already do, affect many more.
      Keep fighting. It's worth it. You are worth it.
      You are loved.

    • @richardlitwin4046
      @richardlitwin4046 Před 5 lety +3

      Yeah, and neglect and judgement can be a killer, but thanks to our society, people have been discouraged from believing that people will be led by anyone fit, by any objective standards, to be led by.

    • @zain4019
      @zain4019 Před 5 lety +4

      Brian Fretwell oh my goodness you’re a beautiful human being. Thank-you for being a light in the lives of those that need it :)

    • @staysafe_eatcake6587
      @staysafe_eatcake6587 Před 5 lety +4

      this post hits a little too close to home. I hope you're doing well :)

    • @hollytroy
      @hollytroy Před 5 lety +3

      You are wise, Tassia. So much love to you, beautiful human.

  • @bjornragnarsson8692
    @bjornragnarsson8692 Před 5 lety +313

    Wow, this was pretty moving. It brought out a few tears in me. I’ve struggled with addiction and homelessness for a long time. Thankfully, I have a home and have stayed sober for about three years now. But that question, “what do you want?” That was something I struggled with and kept hidden like Nathan. I’ve had a couple good drug counselors and they would always ask questions. Good job to the speaker, I would’ve been proud to have someone like him helping me during my tougher days.

    • @HomeGrownPyro1
      @HomeGrownPyro1 Před 5 lety +9

      Lars Fjelde congrats on your sobriety man keep fighting the good fight

    • @ragemayne7219
      @ragemayne7219 Před 5 lety +17

      I have 8 months sober and I can relate to this whole thing, what do you want, what are you hiding from, what are you scared of. He very well could have helped save this young mans life. All addicts really want is someone who understand them with no judgement

    • @montyparata4914
      @montyparata4914 Před 5 lety +3

      You are a legend, much love

    • @ifellforyourdreamsx3
      @ifellforyourdreamsx3 Před 5 lety +3

      god bless! keep coming back (and by god I just mean your HP)

    • @bjornragnarsson8692
      @bjornragnarsson8692 Před 5 lety +9

      Wow! 😮 Thank you everyone! And congrats to Rage Mayne on your sobriety! Everything you said is so accurate. You see, the praise and encouragement I have received here means SO MUCH to me! Not only does it encourage me to stay clean, but I rarely receive praise when I share my past with people. I’ll be ridiculed or cast out of social circles. It’s hard making friends that have never used once they know your past. At least where I live. So to receive everyone’s support, love, and encouragement means a lot to me, man! Thank you all! 🙏

  • @djjazzyjeff1232
    @djjazzyjeff1232 Před 5 lety +35

    Dang you can see how important Nathan was/is to him in this talk, there's so much passion, it's quite moving.

  • @akizmetkat999
    @akizmetkat999 Před 5 lety +397

    He was almost there. I was actually thinking I was going to hear it this time. But, alas, it ended like every other one of these talks that I've heard. The therapist (or what ever he was) was asking this kid what he wanted, and finally the kid broke down and told him.
    I need to hear the talk where the answer is "I don't know doc. I have no friggin idea what I want. Or what I want to do. Or how I want to spend my years here on Earth."
    But I never get to hear that talk because, apparently, everyone else knows what they want. Or what they want to do.
    I know what I don't want to do. I know how I don't want to spend my years here on Earth.
    But what do you do if you don't know what you want?
    I'm 58 years old now. I've been a meth addict since I was 25. I'm still trying to figure that out, that 'what I want' thing. But I'm running out of time...

    • @breadnbutter3817
      @breadnbutter3817 Před 5 lety +13

      You can do it, hang in there somethings bound to come by.

    • @catdooley4616
      @catdooley4616 Před 5 lety +43

      Try something each day that is different, maybe it will spark a thought, feeling, ect. that might lead you to your answer. Jump up and down and scream, go outside and make a mud pie, throw things, jump a rope, walk, listen, read, play 20 questions, 💋your self. Sorry, just don't give up.

    • @cjw4christ
      @cjw4christ Před 5 lety +33

      Are you reaching for the meth because it feels good and gives an escape from reality? Perhaps you have a serotonin imbalance in your brain (at this point with the meth, you likely do). People who reach for drugs (personal experience) usually have a mental illness, trauma or health deficient beforehand. To correct this, we have to come off the drug and see the therapist or psychiatrist and lose the weight, exercise, take our vitamins, eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Finding the motivation to do so will be the hardest part- because you’re starting lower than before you began the drug...hence needing support from drug counselors. But eventually you will see an increase in the quality of your life, you’ll see the beauty in the sky or a child’s laughter or a strangers conversation. Perhaps trying to rewire your thought patterns by mindfulness and meditation, or spirituality.

    • @cjw4christ
      @cjw4christ Před 5 lety +19

      You can’t find joy and satisfaction in anything outside that high until you train your body to live without the high- then you will experience life, after a little hard work and adjustment.

    • @lucasreichlin6908
      @lucasreichlin6908 Před 5 lety +12

      You’re never to old to change and the day you’ve run out of time to be something or someone else is the day after you die because even up to the second on your death bed before you die there’s always something that can change in you. No longer live by your age but by your heart.

  • @rlee3538
    @rlee3538 Před 5 lety +97

    What a beautiful human. It warms my heart to see that we still have compassionate people on this planet. Thank you sir ❤

  • @ziadmohamad1445
    @ziadmohamad1445 Před 5 lety +1291

    I didn't hear the breathing until I scrolled down the comments. Dammit guys!

  • @aliciasheridan1477
    @aliciasheridan1477 Před 5 lety +49

    the best and most passionate TED talk i have ever heard in my years of watching from the classroom setting; thank you.

  • @newsucnuse
    @newsucnuse Před 5 lety +89

    I teach storytelling to individuals and organizations and have been looking in vain for a great TedTalk to show people how to tell a compelling story and then tie it back to their work. You did it brilliantly, seamlessly, and beautifully.

  • @Dr.Geeves
    @Dr.Geeves Před 5 lety +338

    At 10:18 you start with a quote: "It's not our darkness that we fear, it's our light that we are most afraid of."
    For me personally I would argue that "It's not my darkness that I fear, it's losing my light that terrifies me."

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell Před 5 lety +15

      Great to know you have found yours. Fantastic perspective.

    • @Kasper623
      @Kasper623 Před 5 lety +4

      Thank you for the quote

    • @soniaruns
      @soniaruns Před 5 lety +16

      I have to agree. I think it's entirely plausible that Nathan had had his light extinguished so many times that he had to bury it so deep down so that no one could kill it entirely.

    • @timandshannon03
      @timandshannon03 Před 5 lety +5

      I have been a Paramedic for 15 years and I have been in the hole where my light was only a distant candle, but it was still there. Loosing that light terrifies me.

    • @freezEware
      @freezEware Před 5 lety +5

      wouldn't losing your light mean you had given in for the darkness? Then it would mean it's the darkness you fear the most, if we think it as a battle between darkness and light. If we give in for the light, darkness fades.

  • @Bruncleboxtop
    @Bruncleboxtop Před 5 lety +171

    You are truly a beautiful speaker. Loved this Mr.Brian Fretwell

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell Před 5 lety +12

      William Mett people thank you William, that is very nice of you to ssy.

    • @AtomicMonkeybutt
      @AtomicMonkeybutt Před 5 lety +4

      You let your emotions run free and that's when you know the story is good. I'd listen to you speak over any politician or professional public speaker any day. Loved it.

    • @elpolog.7163
      @elpolog.7163 Před 5 lety

      @@AtomicMonkeybutt Politicians sound so boring anyway. They're saying sentences we have heard thousands of times before

  • @badger297
    @badger297 Před 2 lety +1

    Jesus christ man. Im at work and had to hide for a bit cause I shed a cold tears to this. 4 and a half years clean in June so long as I make it. This hit home. Thank you

  • @crappycrapcrap9490
    @crappycrapcrap9490 Před 5 lety +30

    "leadership isn't a me thing, its a we thing" - so true

  • @shotbyryanjames
    @shotbyryanjames Před 5 lety +1029

    Wow he had to breath, shame on him guys.

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell Před 5 lety +123

      I'm working on holding my breath for 14 min next time. :)

    • @trinityfrank2526
      @trinityfrank2526 Před 5 lety +5

      But you can't talk if you don't exhale

    • @adubz9204
      @adubz9204 Před 5 lety +30

      I didn't even notice it until people pointed it out. I still don't care. I focus on the words

    • @Beautifulcoil
      @Beautifulcoil Před 5 lety +4

      Brian Fretwell You were amazing.

    • @r8573
      @r8573 Před 5 lety +1

      +Brain Fretwell nice

  • @unitedstatescitizen1035
    @unitedstatescitizen1035 Před 5 lety +774

    Damn someone gives what could be a life changing story and all ppl can think about is his breathing ...this is America I guess ...glad Ted doesn’t have anyone of y’all speaking

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell Před 5 lety +25

      Always gonna be haters...and cool people like you calling them out. Thanks Ald.

    • @jesusfreak1700
      @jesusfreak1700 Před 5 lety +2

      I don’t hear the breathing, am I missing something?

    • @amanipk
      @amanipk Před 5 lety

      It’s not him it’s the mic he’s using also commenting wont help anything sorry

    • @pokethebear1344
      @pokethebear1344 Před 5 lety

      You don't have to be glad. You can be certain.

    • @bustinbinden
      @bustinbinden Před 5 lety

      Word man. It's a shame. This was an impassioned speech

  • @VIRGILSHELTONII
    @VIRGILSHELTONII Před 4 lety +10

    I've been an addict over 20 years, now I work in a men's detox center, the best people to help, are the people who have been there, I love my job more then anything

  • @allieknapp8720
    @allieknapp8720 Před 5 lety +639

    Oh...I read "Math addict" 😓

  • @user-be8gq2eh2e
    @user-be8gq2eh2e Před 5 lety +54

    Really dont think anyone complaining about his breathing has actually been on a stage before, especially a big one like this. Love the video, love the passion and that i can hear the emotion in his voice

  • @ladybeard99
    @ladybeard99 Před 5 lety +54

    Nice talk. I teach guitar and this made me think I need to ask my students more questions instead of telling them everything.

    • @creep8627
      @creep8627 Před 4 lety

      "so when you plan to get fame and rich to give me credit"

  • @JinxMarie1985
    @JinxMarie1985 Před 2 lety +1

    The intensity of this story was absolutely amazing. Such a strong message. Thank you. Nathan, wherever you are, I hope you're truly at peace.

  • @aprilwilliamson1471
    @aprilwilliamson1471 Před 4 lety +16

    Brought me to tears 😢 I hope Nathan has everything he wanted in life & is drug free.
    confidence and self-esteem have so much to do with how we live our lives so make sure to build people up 🙂

  • @matttheman3923
    @matttheman3923 Před 5 lety +8

    This seriously had me in tears. This both moves and motivates me. That shows that even in the darkest places, light can be found. And that people society tends to label as “gangsters” or “criminals” are still people too even if they’ve pushed that side of them back. Great job Brian!!

  • @TheLemonyBard
    @TheLemonyBard Před 5 lety +3419

    Nicely done. Also, breathing didn't bug me lol.

  • @theelephantintheroom69
    @theelephantintheroom69 Před 5 lety +39

    Brilliant speaking skills and delivery of the story

  • @princesskind712
    @princesskind712 Před 5 lety +25

    This has to be among THE BEST lessons I have heard in a long time. Thank You.

  • @julietfraser
    @julietfraser Před 5 lety +238

    this is really powerful and great

  • @siobhane1661
    @siobhane1661 Před 5 lety +196

    I hope nathan sees this.

    • @TheWormzerjr
      @TheWormzerjr Před 4 lety +1

      hes dead

    • @antx8339
      @antx8339 Před 4 lety +1

      @@TheWormzerjr the sad truth..

    • @lmhmomma
      @lmhmomma Před 4 lety +3

      Wait...he's Dead?

    • @AjieA
      @AjieA Před 4 lety +1

      dead-seal Same! And I hope he’s alive 😭

    • @ofwgkta562
      @ofwgkta562 Před 4 lety +6

      He is Nathan

  • @mia-yn8ey
    @mia-yn8ey Před 4 lety +3

    it's teachers like him who can change a kids life. personally i've never had a teacher that came close to being as passionate abt their job as much as he is but i've still had a few good ones and i am beyond grateful for them.
    his passion for helping Nathan reminds me of the teacher from Freedom Writers.

  • @BrainFoodCafe
    @BrainFoodCafe Před 3 lety +4

    I really thought he was almost crying. his acting was top notch. and a beautiful talk. Thanks TED.

  • @algallero3310
    @algallero3310 Před 6 lety +191

    Hit me hard... Damn.

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell Před 5 lety +4

      Rad reply Al, glad it did.

    • @chronologious9657
      @chronologious9657 Před 5 lety +5

      Brian Fretwell, this hit me hard as well. It's people like you who stick to it with these troubled souls & build the future so kids like him can go on to do the same. Your speech brought a tear or few to me & I respect your service to the community. Keep doing your thing. 👏👍

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell Před 5 lety +3

      Chronologious thanks. Glad to hear you were positively effected by it.

  • @y33tboy97
    @y33tboy97 Před 5 lety +32

    Kinda like teaching advanced students, you let them learn for themselves. A teacher isn’t an answer key, but rather a guide.

    • @KustomiseT
      @KustomiseT Před 5 lety +2

      Yea, what Private Private said; your comment definitely belongs at the top.

  • @FootlessJo
    @FootlessJo Před 5 lety

    What a beautiful message, thank you.

  • @dianadahham7635
    @dianadahham7635 Před 5 lety +2

    You are a brilliant speaker! you nailed all the elements of a great speaker. For years i have told my brother on ways to change his life, but i never asked him questions!! thank you for this! we all have the wisdom within us

  • @shawnasimcik8356
    @shawnasimcik8356 Před 6 lety +38

    Absolutely inspirational. Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt story with the world and showing us that leadership can be such a simple concept if we simply try to not have the answers, but show up.

  • @lynnefranklin7807
    @lynnefranklin7807 Před 6 lety +4

    Thanks for sharing this story, Brian, and the powerfully simple lesson we all need to learn.

  • @juliabaktay9078
    @juliabaktay9078 Před 4 lety +21

    I listened to this while falling asleep and I swear to God it sounded like a movie.

  • @Lola-lh5kl
    @Lola-lh5kl Před 4 lety +1

    This just made me realize, that there really is more then just what we see in life. More to life then the same repetitive roads, an towns, an building's. Hard to put in words this overwhelming feeling.

  • @rolandotokes8531
    @rolandotokes8531 Před 5 lety +793

    Only clicked to make sure he wasn't talking about me

  • @purpleflametarot39
    @purpleflametarot39 Před 5 lety +12

    "What do you want?" Very powerful. Society is too busy telling them what they need to consider their wants and needs. Thank you for this.

  • @sarangkulkarni2111
    @sarangkulkarni2111 Před 2 lety +1

    I am almost in tears dude!! I can relate to this so much

  • @DbladeMedic
    @DbladeMedic Před 5 lety

    Wow this man speaks with so mich emotion that you can feel what he went through and what the kid went through. Bravo very well spoken

  • @serendipity0080
    @serendipity0080 Před 5 lety +3

    So moving, I got goosebumps, such a great speaker, Thank you

  • @Offensive_Username
    @Offensive_Username Před 5 lety +312

    Look at the internet tough guys typing their sarcastic comments because they're too scared to stand and talk in front of an audience.

    • @fancyninja8446
      @fancyninja8446 Před 4 lety

      @Agent J You do know that he was being sarcastic right?

    • @maxbenson8900
      @maxbenson8900 Před 4 lety

      Who are you talking to lol

    • @pleaseenteranamelol711
      @pleaseenteranamelol711 Před 4 lety

      I don't see any internet tough guys in here. Almost all the comments I've seen here are nice.

  • @cobblecattt
    @cobblecattt Před 5 lety +2

    Beautiful performance, like he was reliving it. So real and heart-felt. Thank you

  • @msglimmertwin52
    @msglimmertwin52 Před 2 lety

    I can't find the right words, to describe how this affects me in this moment. I battle addiction too. This man just made me realize how important it really is to ask an addict questions. It's real easy for me to stay in my head, and turn one small difficulty into 100 problems too complicated to solve. Yes, please, ask me questions. Help me focus. On anything. Except drug use. God, I'm grateful I watched this video.

  • @JawJX
    @JawJX Před 4 lety +8

    One of the best Ted talks I've ever seen, this guy really knows how to talk

  • @rustic_russian5102
    @rustic_russian5102 Před 4 lety +35

    Had me crying when he finally broke Nathan

  • @stoltzfus75
    @stoltzfus75 Před 5 lety +2

    I can sense the empathy in this guy n it honestly made me cry... I’ve been thru addiction n rehabs n counselors n some most REALLY do care. I’m very empathetic n it’s beautiful but at times it is sooo hard

  • @alisontunny9362
    @alisontunny9362 Před 5 lety +1

    Brian I love your passion, tenacity and care of all the Nathan’s you come across. I’m glad you’ve come to see that when we reach out to connect with someone and help them, they return the gift and we grow because of it as well. Fantastic talk.

  • @bryanramirez4827
    @bryanramirez4827 Před 5 lety +4

    This was just great, thank you!

  • @SethWolfeOfficial
    @SethWolfeOfficial Před 5 lety +416

    This video was a breath of fresh air. Lots of them

    • @babybellasmama
      @babybellasmama Před 5 lety +4

      Now, That was funny, Seth Himself! Brian Fretwell has been taking the breathing comments like a champ & launching his fair share in return, so I dont feel bad that this one actually got a laugh out of me. I'm the least witty person I know and couldn't be any less brave, so me giving a Ted talk at some point in this lifetime... Don't hold your breath! I'd either put everyone to sleep or have a panic attack and hyperventilate till I passed out. So I'll leave it to and would like to thank the professionals on this one... Bravo and thank you to you both for the funny and inspiring kickstart to my day.

    • @kadenstowe8841
      @kadenstowe8841 Před 5 lety

      look i like a joke as much as the next person, and i feel that everyone should know when something is a joke or serious, but you need to know the time and place as well. not the time, nor the place

    • @aliciasheridan1477
      @aliciasheridan1477 Před 5 lety +1

      he felt so compassionate to this experience and he even talks so pationately of a time in his life; to take some time off his day to talk to a huge platform of people about that. but the only thing you got out of this video was: how he was breathing.

    • @amandalynnagain
      @amandalynnagain Před 5 lety

      Hahaha

    • @travv88
      @travv88 Před 5 lety

      Cracked a smile at that one.

  • @Mrtaco-bs1lg
    @Mrtaco-bs1lg Před 5 lety +5

    The titles of the ted videos are spot on 24/7

  • @michellesherratt4981
    @michellesherratt4981 Před 5 lety +22

    Thank you Brian. I learned in sales the person asking the questions is the one in control of the conversation. I love what you have to say and have many drug addicts in my family I realize you can't change them but questions can provoke thoughts. Actions and plans start in the brain through thoughts. Meth is a drug that causes people to obsess maybe if we can get them to obsess over the right thoughts. It's worth a try. It doesn't matter where Nathan is today. What matters is you tried to make a difference and even if he when back to meth at least he knew someone really cared. God bless you!

  • @oddflacko5063
    @oddflacko5063 Před 5 lety +34

    I don't usually cry listening to people speak but this did me in

  • @CassandraDarling
    @CassandraDarling Před 5 lety +12

    beautiful. confidence, courage, vulnerability.

  • @vanfrance9725
    @vanfrance9725 Před 2 lety

    one of the best talks about leadership ive heard. Hands down.

  • @TheTuberQ
    @TheTuberQ Před 4 lety +2

    This guy made me cry wtf. Amazing talk

  • @popfizz55
    @popfizz55 Před 5 lety +517

    Guys stop posting comments about the *you know what* because it causes more people to hear the *you know what* , together we can rid the comment section of people talking about the *you know what*

  • @kibbeewalton
    @kibbeewalton Před 6 lety +27

    CRUSHED it, my friend. Well done!

  • @marianabulhosa4198
    @marianabulhosa4198 Před 5 lety +2

    this was powerful. the emotion that he speaks with is so captivating

  • @daplaya20
    @daplaya20 Před 5 lety

    Absolute heartbreaker of a story and such a riveting speacher and actor. The audience is just like "WOW; what a moment!"

  • @jdevlin1910
    @jdevlin1910 Před 5 lety +5

    Excellent work, Brian. One of the first steps in growth is accepting new methods and learning from them, even if it's reluctant acceptance at first, as you put it until you can come up with something else yourself.

  • @jacquelineaccardi161
    @jacquelineaccardi161 Před 2 lety +3

    One of my favorite speeches thus far I hope to work in probation possibly one day and am quite attached to rehabilitating juvenile offenders and this is one lesson I hope to hold throughout my entire career. Thank you so much for sharing this story❤️

  • @curtheisler1200
    @curtheisler1200 Před 5 lety +1

    This elicited an emotional response, which in turn has provided inspiration. Good talk.

  • @vickiemeeks5085
    @vickiemeeks5085 Před 2 lety

    Thank you for sharing this.

  • @retroassassin5481
    @retroassassin5481 Před 5 lety +57

    your job seems or seemed highly challenging good job buddy

  • @shubbith3109
    @shubbith3109 Před 5 lety +4

    love the emotion

  • @n4ko
    @n4ko Před 5 lety

    omg. this was really powerful. i can tell how much he was moved by just telling the story...

  • @74blondegirl
    @74blondegirl Před 4 lety

    The way you got to him allowed him release some pent up hurt that a CHILD does not have the skills to compartmentalism. Thank you for doing what you did do for him. As a mom, I felt this. 15yr olds are not adults, they are children that still need us even if they push us away. The desperately need structure, boundaries and emotional education. I’m in tears.

  • @SCYN0
    @SCYN0 Před 4 lety +3

    As a drug addict the tears just started running down my face because I don't want this either. I wanna have a family and kids. But my body screams for more and wants it for the rest of my life even when it's cut short 50 years bc of it and I feel powerless of having the strength for it.

    • @natashariley8128
      @natashariley8128 Před 3 lety

      Hey man try to find a place like I'm in its called flying high they teach you trades and have a sober living house you can live in I'm going for welding

  • @Orinap
    @Orinap Před 5 lety +213

    People complaining about people complaining about his breathing.
    That's the comment section.
    Ur welcome.

  • @atturnec360
    @atturnec360 Před 4 lety

    Well done my friend. Extremely grateful for have discovering this talk. The underlying message is very transparent, one many can learn from and most importantly begin to implement.

  • @inorganicabasica7569
    @inorganicabasica7569 Před 5 lety

    As someone who lost a close friend to drug abuse, this was deeply touching

  • @steveclark6514
    @steveclark6514 Před 5 lety +4

    Great job Kevin and greatly applicable. So many leaders I see talk and mandate and direct the work. They embrace the Title and Position of a leader, not the true job.

  • @SmartEngine-
    @SmartEngine- Před 5 lety +13

    He delivered awesomely, he got my whole attention ❤ this is one of the best speach i ever heard 👌👏

  • @wishusknight3009
    @wishusknight3009 Před 5 lety +2

    my adopted dad is like this. so much empathy and compassion. he also helps kids who have trouble with life and the law and one kid he helped in particular is like the 15 year old in this video. there was a councilor that tried for many weeks to help this kid out, and my dad was asked to help and he was able get the kid to open up and lay bare his heart in probably 15 minutes. he is jus like that. i think the councilor who was there probably did all the hard stuff first. but my dad just was able to zero in on that small thing that was over looked. age and experience can do that.

  • @AndrewFlameiing
    @AndrewFlameiing Před 4 lety +2

    u can sens his remorse
    and his hurt and this story is amazing