Fi’s fight back - realistic update
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- čas přidán 24. 08. 2024
- I started documenting my recovery on here a number of months ago.
So much has changed since then, and I always try to be so positive.
But honestly this last month, things became very difficult again.
I didn’t know how to respond to it, I s badly didn’t want to be struggling. But I am. And that’s reality.
The important thing is I’m keeping going, it’s just taking a number of days to get back on track. But I will.
I’ll keep finding fi.
And I know I’ll look back on this more difficult time and will be thankful I took that deep breath and kept on going.
More positive videos to come I hope, but yes. Things have been tricky.
#anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #inpatient #edrecovery #recovery #recoveryispossible #dayinthelife
It’s ok Fi! No one expects you to have all good days. You’re still making progress. Being able to recognize that the ED has reared its ugly head again and asking for help is a big part of your recovery. Have faith in yourself! You can do this! ❤️
There's always ups and downs in recovery, take your time and remind yourself of how far you've come. We're all rooting for you, stay strong. ❤️
even when you've got these awful weeks, I think it's really about thinking how far you've come already! you've done so well for yourself and the illness is not your controller, you are its controller and you've got the power in you to overcome it. There's no rush, you need to take your time and being introspective of your emotions is a humongous attribute. You know the right thing to do, and it's okay to have these periods of time where you feel awful, you are enough and recovery is unapologetically a roller coaster.
We all believe in you Fi! and you yourself know that you believe in you, you believe in Fi deep down. The illness runs deep but Fi runs deeper and she's pushing it to the surface ❤
Fi,I truly understand where you're struggle (I've been there more than once)
Unfortunately the Anorexia has a million ways to sabotage your efforts.
It's phenomenally exhausting to fight all day,every day.
Allow yourself to rest.Its as important as feeding yourself.
Sending love💖
P.S.you are worthy just because you are you💞
It’s good that you document the good, the bad and the ugly days because recovery isn’t sunshine and roses. Keep going you beautiful wee soul 💕
Hey Fi--I hope this is not crossing boundaries or out of line. Inpatient is really scary and hard but, it might be the best for you and your family. I am curious about how treatment centers are over there as I am in America and have been to quite a few here. I know how hard it is and scary to think about giving up the control the ED forces you to hold onto--but it is possible to recover from this disease long term--that first step is letting go of control and I can see how much you are fighting to. It is so exhausting needing to appease the ED voice with that control AND hard to give up that control--but, at the end of they day, letting that control go will free you in so many ways
What a wonderful poem, you have such a gift at putting what is in your (and many of ours!) head to words. Thank you for posting this video and sharing not only the "good" times in recovery. Seeing only highlight reels of recovery makes it harder when low times come, because they come to all of us!! You are amazing.
Sometimes letting go of control is letting go of your attachments, and in this case it seems like a big step towards recovery. There will be better days. You’ve got this!
There are so few words to describe pain & frustration & exhaustion. I love that you share with us; you are strong to do so.
You are strong! You are enough! Try not To be so hard on yourself. You are loved.
The fact you can admit your not good tells me your so much stronger than you think. Keep pushing
It’s not fair how difficult this is for you.
I don’t understand ED’s very well. I’ve never experienced one. Thank you for trying your best to explain things.
I’m so sorry for you. It’s no wonder why you are absolutely drained. How could you not be? Constant torment. Hugs to you, Fi 🖤
I wish I could will you to get better. Being a mom myself, I'm sure your parents feel the same way. For someone that has never experienced an Ed... This illness is so complex & hard to understand from the outside looking in. Thank you for sharing your journey. Everyone is pulling for you to get better and move forward in your young life. YOU CAN DO IT, FI! ❤️
It’s crazy isn’t it. Watching someone slowly kill themselves and all they need to do is eat… the resolution seems so simple but also it’s obviously not. It must be so hard for her mum and dad
@@KIM-kp9tq yes! I was thinking about her parents. As a parent myself, I can't imagine how helpless they feel having to watch this go on & not be able to do anything. Has to be torture.
Recovery is not always linear. Don’t beat yourself up. The ED is barking at you, because you have done so well -look at the milestones - taking dog walks, going out to lunch, going to the theater with friends. Big stuff. You can claw your way back. You deserve to give yourself some grace. Still here for you - not going anywhere.
My heart goes out to you. I can relate so much!!! Really hope you can get back on track but please allow yourself to get help from the hospital if it's getting too hard at home ❤️ it's not a failure. Just part of the journey ❤️
That’s what I was thinking too…. Get over the hump and stop prolonging getting to a place where you are able to do the mental work required for recovery. Just out of curiosity, when you say you didn’t manage the rest of dinner etc, do your parents sit with you and you guys argue back and forth about finishing etc? Or are you left to your own to do your proper meal plan?? The worst thing to do right now is to give in and eat the safer/lower foods…. Now really is the most important time to be doing the big difficult challenges.
@@kecrn4132 yes I always call it getting over the hump too! That bit where you cognitively can't rationalise is awful and you're in catch 22 because you can't rationalise eating and gaining weight until the cognitive function is there but you need the cognitive function to eat and gain the weight. Over the hump it is so much easier and clearer.
I agree also that swapping out the Muller corners for Muller lights and things may seem like it's making things easier but it's not, it's prolonging the agony and the time taken to get to a better physical and mental place xx so difficult when you're trapped in it though!
I’m so sorry you went through this difficult time. I’m so happy to see that you are doing much better in June ❤️⭐️
Thankyou so much for your support love xxx
Keep fighting Fi ! You are worth it. ❤️ Trust your parents with this, Hun.
Fi, you're very strong, I'm proud of you. Everything will be alright. 💗💗💗
You are looking so unwell Fi. Please keep going. You have to just eat. Just keep going. Stick to your plan. I have been in recovery myself and you need to want to eat and feel better and the alternative is literally not existing. And the solution is simply eating. You have to drop the desire to control and restrict.. and let every guard down to get better.. I found a therapist really helped me as well.
I am in awe of your vulnerability and authenticity. It shows a strength and humility in you, which, even if you don’t see it or feel it, is MUCH stronger then your ED! I follow you on TikTok and insta as well, and am in constant awe of your reliance, persistence, and tenacity. You got this AND! You are doing hard things! Proud of you from afar! 💛💛
You CAN do this!! And you're right, if you can't do this for you (for now) it is perfectly acceptable to do it for them. You are fantastic, because even as tired as you are and have been you are still finding things to fight for. You are still reaching out for help. It is so hard to do that, and you are strong enough to keep doing it. That is a WIN. Go for it Fi! You can do this!
You never ever have to explain. It’s bloody hard. You are enough!
Keep talking, put what you are thinking into words. This will give you some control over the illness. No one will judge you they will applude your strength. Fi will win ❣️
With every illness you have good and bads. Be kind to yourself it's okay to have bad days. Just don't unpack and live there. I know it's hard but you will make it. You're going to get tired but you've got this!!
Relinquishing control was HUGE! It's ok to have horrible days. You are working so hard and you can do this! #trust #breathe #proudofyou
Thankyou for being so real, raw and honest. Your vulnerability is so brave. But I believe so so needed. People need to see a non unicorn recovery.
Our life journeys are always going to be up and down. It tells you that you’re alive, just like the rhythm of the heartbeats. All that matters is that you never give up.
Recovery is just plain hard and you are doing it amazingly well. You are making progress and having a few set backs is normal. We will never give up on you Fi! So many are cheering you on and many are praying you forward.
Beautiful poem 💗
Nobody can get tired of you, all of us are here to support you and fight with you, you are a true inspiration never stop believing and never stop hoping for the very best!!!!!
You are so incredible brave and strong! Even for sharing this! Just want to give you a big hug ❤️
I really admire your grit and not giving up. Baby steps
Love and hugs! Setbacks are normal and I appreciate you making this video. I had a terrible setback last week, but this week has been much better and it reminds me that bad weeks will happen, but there is always next week no matter how awful I feel. And also, that it’s ok to tell the people that love me that I’m having a bad week.
You are brave and strong and your videos are amazingly honest. So sorry you have had a terrible week. Fight back!
Fi you are so brave! Recovery is so very difficult and filled with many a tough moment. I support you as you continue to fight and do the next right thing. Hugs!
We will NEVER give up on you Fi, we will ALWAYS be in your corner, and we will LOVE YOU no matter what. Its ok, take one day at a time, and each day is a new day and we do not dwell on the old days
Its ok Fi! Its completely normal to have set backs. I do all the time. Its very true, when youre tired, the voice seems louder. You are doing great!!
Im sorry you are struggling hun. As someone with anorexia too I can totally understand how scary it is and how hard it can get. I wish you all the best and I know you can fight it! Even if you don't feel strong remind yourself that you are trying and that's all that matters. You are worthy and beautiful. Sending hugs 🥰
remember before you mentioned one of your friends and said he had been of great help to you. Could you talk/facetime him because he seemed to really help you the last time you spoke to him...much love and hugs from Ireland
I PROMISE not to give up on you, Fi, even though I only started to follow you quite recently. I’m here to help and cheer for you xxxxxxxx
Feel the fear and do it anyway hun baby steps its ok to not be ok everyday is a new day notice validate redirect you have got this keep going though is the only way out xx
I am very proud you are discussing your feelings. What you go through each day is very hard, but I believe in you.
The poem is sooo beautiful I love how you read that, keep on writing it is also a good distraction ❤️ you got this babe
Your amazing hey girl of you don't feel good don't tell yourself you do just feel the way you feel preventing to feel good when your bads not the way feel how you feel girl then use that and fight back you can do this just stay true to yourself xx
Be brave, keep going and never give up! You’re bowls and spoons say it all. You are doing só well, and recognising it and fighting back. Breathe and do the next right thing.
Your whole life at the moment is revolving around eating. I know it has to be but the times you’ve seemed to have been at your best is when your focus has been on other things. I know it’s catch 22 because you can’t do much because of your physical health, but isn’t there more of a middle ground? I remember when I was in recovery from this type of rock bottom it was actually participating in life that helped make me eat more - because I had to in order to participate. I know everyone is different and we only get to see snippets, it just feels, from the bits we see, that this plan encourages more fixation on food.
You are my inspiration 🖤
Hi Fi, as someone else here said, recovery isn’t a linear process. While you are changing you will have empty pieces while you’re learning new pieces to integrate into you, I say this from a drug addiction and mental illness recovery perspective and I hope I made sense. I’m so impressed by you xxx
Keep facing forward in your journey xxx
By doing it for them you are doing it for you….be truthful to yourself and them. You’ve got this. Much love x
Keep o fighting, never give up, I'm proud of you. After difficult times better times are coming
Your frozen trip looked magical. Hope you’re feeling good this evening ♥️ ur stronger thank you think
Hugo is amazing dogs are amazing my dog has given me encouragement totally Hugo loves you
Dogs are the best! I'm so glad yours helps ou too my love xxx
It’s okay to not be positive all the time. It’s not realistic! It’s not a linear process, but we marvel, cheer, and encourage you at how far you’ve come. The only way to fail is to quit. You haven’t and continue to put one foot in front of the other. That is strength, despite the bad days.
You may not feel it or see it but you are FIERCE sweet one. You are so strong & so brave. You don’t have to be positive about it, don’t add the stress of keeping up a mask to your recovery. This is hard, and it’s allowed to be hard. Some days are just plain bad - but you make it. And that’s what counts.
Hiya sweetheart you’re human you’re going to have bad days try to treat them as a blip and go on!
Much love to you sweetheart 🥰🥰
Hugs. Wish I could give you a hug in real life. We are all behind you and supporting you. Make the next right decision.
Hugs. Keep fighting, Fi. We are here for you.
Keep going Fi, I 100% believe you can do this ❤️
I'm so so proud of how Strong you are fighting
I know it is hard for you to see and believe but we are not frustrated with you. We are not bored. We are here for you. Many of us have been in similar situations (each journey is unique) so know you are never, ever alone. You are loved even by those you do not know. ❤️
Recovery is not linear. Thinking of you!!!!
Your priority is Fi. Every morning you wake up and every night you go to bed is a victory.
watching this to help me recover😊
So sorry you are having such a hard time Fi. It's a good plan to give your parents more control at the moment because you are struggling so much. Being a mum myself I know I would never do anything that would hurt my children. Your parents are the same- they are doing everything in your interests. You must try to trust their decisions and choices and not question them. They are doing all this for you so you can get better. It must be so very hard for them as well I cant imagine what you are all going through. So I send love and hugs to you all and hope that things improve in the coming days. All your followers are willing you on. We wont give up on you 😘😘❤
You go girl! Keep fighting.
You got this Fi you are loved and you are so strong. 💞💞💞💕💕💕 ❤️❤️.
Just keep climbing...you got this ❤
When you fall down, baby, stand up!
Sending you lots of love and strenght💝
Love, hugs and prayers!!
Sending you lots of love xxx
I believe in you❤️
Fiona you need something else to put your heart mind and soul into. Redirect yourself and not allow Ana to rule you. It is fine to work the program but your mind needs redirection and to heal. You love animals check with your doctors and see if you can volunteer a few days a week with an animal rescue. Give of your heart to others help to take the focus off the Ana and make your thoughts healthier ones by helping others. God bless you
Hugs…if I could give you some energy I would…sending love and strength just in case 🙏🏻❤️💪🏼
Would love if you have like dates to you vlogs so it gives more of an idea what timeframe this was ago compared to now if you get me? You are truly amazing and deserve to find fi and have an incredible life, keep fighting- you have so much support never forget that💜
This is now ..
Hello There, It is heart breaking to see you so sad. My thoughts are with you!! You need to not be involved in ANY of your meal planning. You should allow your parents to make the plan with the professionals and then you can eat it to take that stress off of you. Continuing to be a part of the meal planning is allowing you to continue to let the disease control you. I am telling you, once you let them take over your planning you will be better off for it. You cannot get better if you are continuing to count calories.
I notice you press your dinner down flat to make it look like more, I'm not giving up on you so please don't stop trying to get better.
Do you think maybe a higher level of care might be helpful at this point?? Just to get over the hump??
I might have asked this before so I apologize if I did …. But I don’t think in any of your videos you have ever said your appt was good- it seems that your appts are always “really not good”…. So I’m just wondering if you have had any good appts (maybe you have and just didn’t vlog that day)? And what would it take to make it a good appt ???
Sending ❤️
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Is there medicine or other things you can do to help the anxiety you are feeling?
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Hon as women we have so many good and bad days. Our hormones just done give us a break. Get outside and go for a walk. When down...get up and move. Dont sit and tape...get up and find a new motivation.
I am sure you mean very well with your advise but please keep in mind that Fi struggles with strong urges to move/pace and is not supposed to 'get up and move'. The 15min dog walks are what her body can take, for other things she still needs to use the wheelchair in order to give her body enough rest.
Thanks in advance for being mindful of others' limitations when giving advice in future
you are saying all this but realistically you are not doing enough. you need to eat more. you need to put on weight. it’s not healthy. i know people say it’s not helpful to say “just eat” but generally that was the most beneficial piece of advise for me because that is what you need to do. And I know more than anything that is what you want to do. If you need permission, here is all the permission in the world. please get yourself better!!!
Respectfully, as someone with anorexia. It's not actually about the food. So telling someone struggling to just eat, or eat more, focus on weight gain etc. That actually just harms the person and fuels the eating disorder. Just please be careful what you say to someone when they are in such a vulnerable state. ♥️♥️
Respectfully, as someone with anorexia. It's not actually about the food. So telling someone struggling to just eat, or eat more, focus on weight gain etc. That actually just harms the person and fuels the eating disorder. Just please be careful what you say to someone when they are in such a vulnerable state. ♥️♥️
@@mentalhealthwithalana I totally understand. I too have struggled with anorexia and it is something will always be with me. all I’m saying is that to get better I really had to just throw myself into the deep end and just allow weight gain. there wasn’t any way around it, you have to eat the food. you have to let the fear in so you can actually come to the conclusion that for yourself that nothing bad will happen. I’m still here. And life is like a million times better.
If🧚♂️you👸have been mostly loving💓to people in life🙌& you👸have be tough💪😷then hopefully🤗you👸will be🌈rewarded🌏Don't😇cry🦄🦋🕊