"IS MY SIBLING The PROBLEM?" |Toxic Family| Psychotherapy Crash Course
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- čas přidán 27. 06. 2024
- There isn't a lot of research on toxic siblings in the world of psychology.
Most topics around siblings tends to be positive and focused on building a healthy relationship.
Most people in society believe that siblings should be "close" and stick together as they age. That's the same mindset that believes in "family is everything."
These are faulty mindsets for families who have toxic communication skills, complicated family dynamics, and sibling rivalry.
In this video, I discuss the negative impact of siblings and the "unspoken" rules families play into.
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#trauma #TOXICFAMILY
#tamarahilllpc
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DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO:
0:00 intro
3:01 example story of toxic sister relationship
4:02 difference between sibling rivalry & a toxic sibling relationship
5:35 see some siblings on the sociopathy spectrum
6:42 CAUSES OF SIBLING CALLOUSNESS
6:50 why the toxic sibling may be liked more than you
8:15 toxic family dynamics & favorites
11:35 parenting style and sibling toxicity
12:20 HOW ALL OF THIS IMPACTS YOU
15:10 SIGNS of a TOXIC SIBLING
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*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
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I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
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All I can say, get away and stay away from these creatures. These siblings will not change. They will waste your time and mental space. Who needs them.
Once you begin to Google certain behaviors, that's when you know something is wrong. A big red flag.
So true 💯
My siblings excommunicated me from the family unit as soon as my parents passed away. I'm stronger without them.
After decades of physical and emotional abuse from my sister we are now estranged. She still tries to control and manipulate my life. I tried so hard to love her, but I can't try anymore. Thank you for the video.
Same but with a brother. Absolutely devastating 💔
Sounds like you are talking about my sister. I too am estranged from her, I cut ties with 7 years old and never looked back!
Finally i wish i could be too but am home arrest for 2-3 yrs due to their constant nagging am almost bed ridden to the core i do not even come out of my bedroom am unhealthy too in lostsaways so they have won i just cant argue it allseems so cruel and everything is my mistake like am jealous or two
Stay strong and always put yourself first. Sending you light n love in this journey.
So sorry you had to deal with this. Hopefully the distance gives you peace. Had a similar situation with my sister who I recently let go of
You know why? Because they jealous of your beautiful, brave, and successful a$$. They wish they were you. Keep being real people - stay honest with who you are, including your feelings and down to your weird hobbies. Rooting for all.
🙊
2 important things to keep in mind before disowning/cutting-off/taking-break-from family:
1. Stay honest to who you are but don't be a slave to your own brain and do whatever it tells you to do. Only celebs and good looking (attractive) people can afford to and actually do whatever their brain tells them to do, chasing dopamine to any extent. For average folks and non celebs, we should just focus on cutting off sources of cortisols including family members. After all, if you just follow brain with no TOM (theory of mind/empathy), you're the same as your toxic family member.
2. Don't give up easy on family, make sure 5 years down the lane you have no regrets and you did everything you could (as a blood relative), but yea eventually need to drop your blood relative's a$$ since they can't be cured.
@@anoren17 1. Thank you, yes people need to hear this but no one has to be a celeb or good looking to get the life they want unless as you said they heal. Btw, how did you know I am good looking!
2. 10 years in the running my friend, had to lose a father to finally accept the abuse. For some it only takes them a couple of years to cut off. Thankfully I did it but wished I knew this 20 years ago.
Very interesting comment I like it
I cut off the Gaslighter who was the leader of triangulation and had a Savior/rescuer complex while all the while destroying and degradating my character to others and within the family, pitting siblings against each other. Because of this triangle, I've decided to walk away from my entire family.
Siblings shut me out when I needed help most in my life ,I’m doing much better financially than all of them now and I’ve given them money or helped in some way and wasn’t really appreciated I feel so basically now we only communicate through pleasantries. Sad but I choose to be happy
Good for you John. I hope you have peace of mind to continue on this journey, even if without your family.
Why would your siblings shut you out when you needed help most? Sounds like they were there to help you in small ways leading up to it but you took advantage of it and they decided to cut you off... what have you given back to them in the form of support, love and care? All I'm seeing is your side of things, not both sides.
Thank you so much for covering this topic because I too have experienced toxic behaviors with my own siblings and I have just cut them all off. I don't even feel like I have any siblings because we are not close and we never will be.
You're welcome!! I'm glad this was helpful.
It's sad that sometimes we have to "cut off" siblings. I think most of us expect to love them and keep them involved in our lives. But sadly, there are those families where siblings just simply can't co-exist.
My narcissist golden child sister was an absolute monster to me.
She never loved me and treated me like an enemy.
Also the lies she told people about me were absolutely outrageous.
I haven't spoken to her in years and im super happy that i don't have to deal with that ever again.
My eldest sibling sexually abused me as a child, my other sibling got offended when I confronted my abuser and took offence at my being upset. Then my other sibling accused me of being unhinged and vindictive towards my abuser. I have been traumatised my entire life by the abuse that took place. My entire ex family is toxic and abusive, they act like I'm a monster because I cut them off. I have my own healthy family now, we've been good supportive parents. Proud of my Sons achievements and always there for them if they need us. something I never experienced as a child. The true meaning of the blood is thicker than water is true. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb
Never thought about the blood and water in that higher way. Always thought it meant to treat your family better than nonfamily.
Also got sexually abused by my brother when I was a child and when I spoke up about it my pregnant self got beaten by my own brother. At this point I don't have a family the only family I have is my son.
I am more and more shocked about my brother as I learn psychology and realize he is propably a sociopath who triangulated the whole family against me and terrorised, gaslighted, manipulated and assaulted me constantly when I only wanted to be loved by him.
My mother had ten kids...she said boys were easier, though we became close and she loved me; 6 boys 4 girls. Father was a narcissist, several toxic personalities were molded, included some toxic in-laws- Unfortunately though I love my family, I end up distancing after parents are gone, a lone wolf...sensitive, empathic creative. Love your videos, so informative and helpful, Thank you!
My mom passed away in 2020. I took care of her for the last 5 yrs of her life. We lived together off and on for my entire adult life as well. She helped me rear my son. We were extraordinarily close. I am the youngest and my father passed away when I was 13. The rest of my siblings were already starting their lives. Like any family situation, it is always complicated. But a simplified way of looking at our dynamic is that I was probably my mom's "favorite", but she loved all of us fiercely. She gave her life for all of us.
I get along okay with my two brothers. They never held my closeness with my mom against me, but my sister hates me. My sister left home, got married. My adult son calls her a narcissist. I tried to deny that she hated me for our entire adult lives. She was passive aggressive to me. She would come to see my mom and sit and insult me. I would tolerate it for my mom's sake. My mom had the right to see her daughter and spend time with her in the last years of her life. So I killed my sister with kindness. I went out of my way to make her feel welcomed in my mom and my home. I would even give my sister and her daughter my bed and sleep out in my office when they'd come to visit. During the last years of my mom's life my mom came to really dislike my sister because of how she treated me. She treated me worse than hired help, like I existed for her convenience. But I always looked forward to seeing my niece. My niece and I had a sweet relationship.
When my mom was dying my sister used that vulnerable time to attack me in ways that still make me cry. She told me that she hated me for my entire life. She said I took both of her parents away from her and she hated me for being born. After my mom died she used a family photo of before I was born to tell people my mom had passed on, basically erasing me from the announcement on her social media. She picked up my mom's remains and she has kept them so my son and I didn't get to have a ceremony to say goodbye. She used going after my mom's estate to coerce me to give her things that my mom had already gifted me. My mom gifted her many things before she passed. But my mom left me her home because I gave up career opportunities to care for her, and my son is disabled. Also, my other siblings had homes. My sister is well off economically. She didn't need a share of my mom's home. My mom wanted me and my son to have her house.
I tried to stay in touch with my sister, but she kept saying ugly things to me. She said ugly things about me to my son so my son completely cut her off. I asked her to consider family therapy with me and she literally laughed and said there was nothing wrong with her, that I was the one that needed my head checked. She cut me out of my niece's life, which is the hardest part of all. My niece is adopted, and I went out of my way to forge a relationship with her knowing she would not have many cousins or siblings. I wanted her to know I will always be her aunt. But my sister is the person that treats our relationship like it doesn't matter because we are not blood related, which really makes me angry.
I don't want to think of my sister as a narcissist. But sometimes it makes it less painful to consider I am probably better off without her tearing me down all of the time.
This has been happening for long time and people are understanding that their sibling could have been a major problem in their life. In fact, their relationship with parents might have even been better if it wasnt for the sibling .
It takes healing to wake up and come to realization that all these years.. the entire relationship with sibling... the whole thing.... it was an illusion
Malignant narcissistic _(and possibly even psychopathic)_ father here...we're now three adult children who loathe each each and barely speak. I imagine this dynamic was brewing for decades, but really took shape right after our mother passed away. Narc father did what narc parents typically do _(play the victim, play favorites, manipulate, smear, triangulate, gossip, betrayal of trust, lie etc..)_ and within a few years we became fragmented. Ironically, _(but not really)_ after kicking up the dust now the narc father just sits back like he's all innocent. I see this all too clearly, but then again, I'm the scapegoated middle child _(amongst what I suspect to be one narcissistic and one psychopathic brother)_ carrying the brunt of looking after the narcissistic beast.
The part about messing with your husband to hurt you….. I completely felt that 💔
😔
My moms sister did that with my "dad". Long story short there not together anymore, and my aunts a slut. Still gives me cringe thinking about it
Thank you ,I grew up in toxic family where there is no freedom of thoughts and actions, but blamed for all bad happenings, And siblings are not happy witheachothr
You're welcome.
That's so difficult to accept as the reality of a family. It sounds like it was a controlling environment where everyone had to agree or else. I'm sorry. I have so many clients like that now. It's traumatic.
my siblings throw rocks and hide the hand
I put the emergency brakes on my sister's converging personality disorders enabled by her flying monkeys among relatives, friends and neighbors--after my mother enabled me to be in charge of the vast majority of the family assets--when I lifted the drawbridge to mental hygiene castle and stationed my attorneys at the moat.
I just found you and boy, am I happy! I thought I was loosing my mind and that I was the problem. I am walking away from my family and within 2 videos, you have described my situation to a T! Thank you for EVERYTHING! New Sub.
Welcome!! And thank you. Join me live tonight 7pm😊
My mother pits us against each other.I remember growing up and the famous words were “don’t get her started”. I never did drugs I never rebelled
I'm sorry 😞
Trauma bonding is very common with siblings! And when they have narcissistic traits it’s impossible! Had to separate myself from this and we are too old to argue so I just decided I can just be cordial and not say too much! Because it becomes explosive! I have 3 daughters and a son with special needs and in order to keep the peace I lido to them and tell them some day they will be all they have and need to figure it out! They seem to have done prey well with this they still have moments but not like my sibling! So I don’t want the physical alterations so I just stay away! I am the female so I don’t want to fight! Then I see my sibling and my mom bond and are so much alike and my father and I are more sensitive but he passed a little over a year ago! I was more outgoing when I was younger and then he actually would say he was jealous of my daughters! So I don’t understand that! I also see that my moo has always gravitated to the boys as apposed to my daughters! Then when my son came with special needs, he doesn’t get hardly any attention from them! That hurts me! I am looking forward to being in my own space again!
My life would have been so much better without the older jealous toxic sister. She's my worst enemy, never stopped holding grudges and blaming, generally making my life a misrey.
I understand you very well that's how I am feeling ,I am so tired of forgiving at the expense of my happiness
I can totally relate. My sister has destroyed my life. I often wonder how my life could have turned out if I hadn't had a manipulative and downright evil sister
Looking forward to learning how we heal from life-long sibling pathology after going no-contact. I initiated it and have strong feeling of regret because I now have no family and all hope is lost. My sibling is happy because it’s what she wanted all along (to have me out of the picture,) and she looks like the victim of my “craziness” for finally being done. Unfortunately, I do feel a great loss of family, even though it always was awful for me. I do have other strong bonds and connection with others, but I feel sorry for myself for having no family.
Family is where you find it honey. Stay strong because real "family" won't hurt you 😊
Enjoy your peace. Ft
Please do not think this way! I had a very abusive narristic sibling i haven't seen her for years we finally got together years later. I thought things would be much different but instead i lost my very best friend when i decided to listen to my toxic sibling! She is the most toxic, mean, nasty, manipulator, bully ! I blocked her and will never ever associate with her again!
Narcissistic parents need conflict between siblings. After spoiling one of them with unfairness to an unrecoverable levels of ego, there is nothing left of that family. Incapable parents spreading their lack of abilities and ignorance acquired in a lifetime, creating a frustrated generation prone to suffer because of a crippled childhood.
YOU DESCRIBD MY LIFE!! Thank you :)
My sister and I are the only children and she grew up hitting adults and always did things to hurt me over and over and over again. I have helped her sooooo much still even as a senior still hates so much. Our parents are gone and we only have each other and she is so hateful I need to walk away from her. Even when I was in the hospital 3 times she never came or called to see how I was. She never ever apologizes for the things she says and does ever. I just have to end it. It’s been so long and it never changes.
In my experience, the socio-economic condition of the parents when the children are born can affect the way siblings are set up to be favored. My sister was the first born and I think my parents pinned alot of their hopes and dreams on her because she was considered 'smart'. My mother used to tell me how when she was born, her bedroom was decorated in all white organza. Bedspread, curtains etc. It sounded like she was a princess. I thought to myself, where did you put me? In a sock drawer? She was the golden child for sure. What I've learned as we have aged is that she triangulates, is angry about pretty much everything and she has a toxic personality that isn't pleasant to be around. I feel sorry for her now but mostly I question the motivations of my parents for doing what they did. I think it was survival on their part. All I can do is live my own life and stop worrying about her happiness. Just limit contact and focus on my own children and. myself. Thank-you for exploring the subject of sibling rivalry and narcissism. It's endlessly fascinating to me.
You're welcome. I'm glad this was helpful and hopefully validating that these things do indeed happen. And I think you are right on your very first statement/sentence. Socio-economic status including other things such as age of the parents, maturity level, acess to resources, etc. can all create a scenario where there is a sibling who appears to have gotten the best of things versus another sibling. For example, I see, in my office, a child who was born to a couple when they were in their 20s who may not have received the best parenting because of the couple's age. The children who came along when the couple was in their 30s may have a much better experience. It's a sad reality but one that happens all the time.
No parenting style didnt" fluctuate."maam Because I questioned and opposed the favouritism disparity and the response was that she was the last child and was entitled to be favoured child. .Even so I worked for my mothers love by being Cinderella. I got the chance to run as the abuse was too much yet I went to college and THEY upset coz I was expected to continue that role they assign to me
Run. And put all your energy into fufiling your goals and dreams. You deserve your life your way
my elder sister has always emotionally and once physically abused me....she has always been so controlling and manipulative...am so done with her
Me too. Hang in there.
Spot on as I grew up with 2 much older toxic siblings. Many thanks xx
You're welcome!
The only real brother I had was my younger brother but we were never close growing up. Our personalities and principles are just different. It got worse when my brother started counting the financial help he was giving our parents and placing me in an area where I should pay him back. I wouldn’t have mind giving him my inheritance but he has got a nasty mouth when he is angry and gets manipulative.He even want to include my young kids in the conversation. I have not much request left as someone with terminal cancer, I want to die in peace and not have to deal with people’s shit anymore. For years I felt guilty and anxious all the time and feel ashamed of who I am and to be emotionally abuse at this point in my life is too much. I feel I am being punished for leaving my parent and siblings and refusing to have a relationship with any of them. I’m so burned out . As a Christian I felt a conflict with my decision.
I never measured up to anybody's expectation oh well I have to say I'm the first one to get masters degree the first one to own my own home raise three beautiful kids by myself actions speak louder than words
Good for you! That's great. I love defeating the preconceived notions of those who think they know us well. 😏
@@TherapistTamaraHill *Smiles
Wow, my twin sister. It can’t be. This can’t be real. 😞
Hurts doesn't it ,I've had this with my sister ,it's nearly broken me,but tell yourself it's for the best 🙏❤️❤️❤️
I think the varying temperaments can be the result of family scapegoating. Like a response to ongoing abuse of the scapegoat. Everyone has limits.
Exactly what I thought.
Took years to reak away from my cousin, we were brother/sibling close. He treated me rough in our teen years, but when we grew up, I found he was unbearable, and I was old enough to get work, and move away. Whenever I did see him, it was just as bad as ever.... He passed away 2 years ago, all I can think now is the bad times, only a few good ones...
Getting too close to the sibling’s husband, triangulating as soon as they see an opportunity with the parent or the spouse of the sibling or even with the sibling’s friend during a friendly banter or with a relative with whom the sibling had an argument even if that relative is not a likeable character to them personally, devaluing the sibling when they are dressing up for an event or preparing for an exam or interview with the intention to pull down their confidence, either antagonising sibling’s children or getting too close to them with the intention to cause rift between the sibling parent and their child… the list goes on.
I hear you talking about narcissistic family systems without quite saying those words. Golden children - who get treated better and have better "social skills" (my sister is quite adept at fawning) and scapegoat children who get treated worse and thus don't relate to others as well (that's me). We didn't have a middle child, but your artistic brother was that in your family. But you can't really blame that on the kids, it's the parents who made them that way.
I've known my mother was a vulnerable narcissist for a decade, but didn't ever realize my sister is probably a communal narcissist until a couple months ago. I'm 54 and she's 49!
This is a false division you set up. Be careful about clinging to labels. I was the “golden child” - but had less social skills. I wasn’t treated any better - I was just bragged about more and used as a “norm” bc I was excellent at school. My sister wasn’t into school - had lots of friends - and was the scapegoat bc she wasn’t “succeeding”. You are just making stereotypes w these labels - but toxic families are not monoliths.
This was so needed. Thank you Tamara. These videos and chats are so helpful.
You are so welcome! Thank you for these kind words.
They REALLY are. Thank you also.
In my Hindu casteist-narcissist family, all relationships are shallow, superficial and hypocritical. These are supposedly educated individuals, and would seem to be "model immigrants". Upon closer scrutiny and investigation, one finds toxic family structures where the children of the family are given no actual parenting. What occurs is a training-through-trauma. Through repeated trauma, sometimes through physical violence - slapping in our family - children are "taught" that their lives are to be lived within a narrow crevice, deviation from which will lead to trauma, which we will have to figure out ourselves. No meaningful communication is engaged in, ever. The childrens' role is to make the Hindu casteist-narcissist parents "feel nice", as though they were children themselves who only know how to seek toys, in this case in the form of "nice feelings". These are dangerous families for any country to have, there is no democratic or meritocratic intent. All there is is a population set that seeks to chase after anything and everything in sight, even if it leads to dehumanization. There is no truth or love in their lives. They do not care about the suffering of Dalits, Muslims, Indigenous peoples, women, individuals who identify as LGBTQ. As "well-educated" as these Brahminically-educated may appear on paper, they are an obstacle, a hindrance to not only democracy and meritocracy, but to enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings. They happily and easily slot into ad-hoc castes created by white supremacists and Chinese authoritarian tyrants.
I interact with nobody in my family. They are all controlled by Brahminical patriarchal energy, their love & truth is at a pathetic, immature, childish state. They are performing a stuntshow of life, they are unable to listen and understand the suffering of their own. Everything that they do is a form of attachment, in the Buddhist sense, there is only suffering in their lives, which they are trained to normalize while forcing superficially nice interactions 24/7/365.
Thank you, Tamara. 🖤
Respect to you for having such insight and the courage to express what you know to be true in the family system that is deeply embedded in a culture and religion that is restrictive and will refuse to allow any reflection join in with all forms of esteemed higher education.
What has Hinduism got to do with some degraded people..
Infact Hinduism itself tells at a certain level that all relations are an illusion and temporary ...
And also how to avoid toxic relationships by taking shelter with real Truth .
what my 'sister' did is beyond insane though, it isnt even trying to 'one up' you no more - it is straight up criminal.
she could go to jail for like 5 years for what she did. its sick
Oh my goodness - this sounds like the nasty treatment I have been subjected to in my family. Because I was a sickly baby, my twin sister was favored by my Mom. My baby sister was favored by my Dad. I was always treated like the”red headed step kid.” 😳
Really needed to hear this one!!
I'm glad to hear that. And welcome! Glad to have you on the channel. I cannot recall seeing you.
After decades of begging my narc siblings for affection and then, after my nieces and nephews where born, just crawling for tiny moments with them, almost always sabotaged by them...I decided to cut ties completely 😢 I'm 39 and feel ancient, with cronic ailments but at least I've been doing therapy and studding hard about mental health. Discovered that I'm autistic and asexual...And now i have to learn how to live without the crumbs of "unttie time" that aldo tiny, allowed me to hug those babies for a while 😢😢 It's so painful and unfair. I have so much love to give and it's so difficult, with them it was so natural and awesome ❤ but made my siblings jelous and they always had to try to ruin those moments. It took me so many years to realise it was jelousy/discrimination/gaslighting/bullying...Like the cruelest puzzle that only gets more painful as you solve it. Healthy boundaries are healthy yes, but they can also be very very painful 🥺
"What do you know about sibling jealousy? What do you know about sibling rivalry?" Having grown up with a Histrionic sister, a LOT.
P.S. Have you covered HPD on this channel yet? I'd appreciate a deep dive into that personality if you could! Also, thank you for this video and all of the hard work you put into educating us!
You're welcome!! It is my pleasure to help. 😊
And histrionic personality disorder has been requested by a lot of people recently, so it is coming! Here are two older videos I did a few years ago: studio.czcams.com/users/videoxSB3Ao5yFJE/edit and czcams.com/video/i76cSNm84RI/video.html.
Thank you so much for this Támara 🙏🏼 I grew up with my twin sister and so many themes resonated. I appreciate you talking about this As this isn’t commonly discussed openly. ❤
☺🤗You're welcome! And thank you! Glad this was helpful because you do point out a good point. We need more talk around these issues.
We were literally starving and fighting over food as kids. There is no hope.
Dear sis. My family used me and took every cent. Now im unemployed had to stay with my sis. I had to care 4 my bro and bigger sis when they almost died and one else was there 4 them . Now they turned on me. I alsi have stage 4 endometriosis and they treat me like a servant. Its been too much 4 me . I hve no where to go. I wish i was dead. All of them used me to do their dirty work. Its jus tooo much 4me
I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you are able to talk to someone processional who can support you. Don't go at this alone. You may find a truly caring and supporting therapist who may be able to help you navigate your thoughts, feelings ,and behaviors around your family.
Great and interesting video! I’ve experienced this with extended family members as well!
Both our parents own NOTHING as to how their dysfunctional parenting affected us as a family, as individual kids and now as adults. That's about the only thing they could agree on...that NONE of _this_ was their fault. Iron, Tef-Lon-like denial on both their parts. I now loathe them all, including the mother I used believe was innocent in all this. She wasn't.
Thank You. Having Angel
/Demon issues with a sister ten years younger. So grateful To have found you. Thank you for your help
You're welcome and welcome to the channel.
That is indeed a tough situation. Praying for your strength through it.
Wow, you nail my relationship with my younger sister, vascillating between how grateful she is that I am in her life, etc., etc., to demonizing me. This has gone one for our whole adult life. So glad I found your channel.
Welcome and I'm glad you are on the channel!
It sounds like a difficult dynamic indeed. I'm sorry.
I have Autism and my big sister treats me like absolute sh*t cause of it. She always threatening to psychically assault me and my mom brushes it off like it’s nothing. But, when I defend myself from her, I get blamed for it immediately. My sister uses ADHD for the reason to treat people awfully. She also degrades me at any chance she gets.
Im so tired of my family all together. It’s like being back at school. I hate it so much.
Wow!!! Tamara Hill you are so informative, this Psychotherapy Crash Course is good,
Thank you 🤗 So glad this was helpful!
Hello, I just subscribed to your channel. Please continue with this sibling topic. I am feeling so exhausted after the holidays. My sister ignored me (but this goes way back) and I need to be strong to let her go.
Welcome to the channel. Please feel free to join me live on Fridays after 6pm. Everyone loves the live chats and it's very supportive, if I can say so myself.
I also recently did a live chat on siblings. You can watch that here: czcams.com/users/liveFqr5X9wJ_ws.
More of these topics to come.
Just preordered the book and can't wait to get it next month.
💖thank you!! Appreciate your support. And I was going to email you back. Been sick this weeken though. Please let me know what I need to do to help with your event! I was able to move some things around for that Saturday.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Bless you. Momentum is growing for the event, and my orientation for that two-week online certificate course with Cornell University to be a wellness counselor is
much later this morning. The course begins early tomorrow morning. Nearly everyone is rooting for me.
Well said
My little sister and cousin has also been troubled mentally since teen years and I was very very supportive and now I’m their target. I just pray they go to jail tbh. I honestly don’t care what happens to them anymore. I’m done. They have sabotaged my marriage finances and life and subjected me to a bunch of unstable men who stalks me and have me as a gang stalked targeted individual. They can truly go to hell. Do not pass go do not collect 200. I am traumatized. I need justice now!!! I want them to and my other family.
great video!
Thanks!
Definitely a ten, I just dropped out of the family, especially the narcissist twin,too much drama
Parents definitely have favorites. I think it's just human nature to have a preference for one person in a group, and sibling groups are no different. I absolutely love every kid the same. But I do have a favorite. I try not to show it to the best of my ability though. I try treating all 3 equally and I don't do more for one than the other. Even going as far as making sure that if I buy them something just because I went shopping for myself per se. I make sure that I buy item of equal value. So if I spent $75 on a single item for one, I make sure that I buy $75 worth of items for each of the other 2. I take each child out for a mommy and me day (even though they're all teenagers now and hate it 😂) every month and I do things that require me to spend equally each time. It's harder than ever to maintain the balance so everyone feels the same love and affection from me but I think it's worth it. I ask them all the time do they think I have a favorite child and the answer is always no because you do everything as equally as possible and you don't show any favoritism. So I think I cover having a favorite well!😂😂😂 I love them equally. But one just gets me better than the others. It's not something that I set out to have. But I'm human.
Wow! I missed this.i didn't get my notification. Watching now. Blessings All
Blessings to you too!
And I'm so sorry. I don't know what's going on with CZcams😟
@@TherapistTamaraHill It's ok, but I actually periodically check your platform. Your Awesome teacher, counselor. Goodnight 💝
Thank you 🤗
Oh YES, parents _(very mentally ill parents)_ have and _play_ favorites, and ironically it's not the child who does the most for them. It's the child who makes them look the _"most"._ In our case, it's the last child who was favored and got the least damaging effects of their parenting. Fast-forward to today and we have a perfect scenario of quid quo pro playing out where that favored spoiled child is now doing the enforcer work for the remaining narcissistic father. I LOATHE them all.
For me felt that I'm that sister they run if they need financial help, and if oneday they run to me for help and if I'm not able to help them, immediately I am selfish just because I have nothing to give and receive all hurtful words in return so now I cut off all contacts from all of theme I just fade up and tired 😏😏😏
T.H. ❤
I love your videos, but this one seems a bit biased towards the golden child. Still, it's good to hear your perspective because it helps me understand my sister's perspective (the golden child) better.
Thanks
You're welcome! Thank you!
I have toxic half siblings. I don’t deal with them. I do have a younger one who tried to pull a knife on me and attack me after an argument blew up because I told him I don’t like him and he’s a fake person. I didn’t want nothing to do with him because he lives a really toxic lifestyle.
A compounding factor in my situation was that because I was a sickly child, I was continuously negatively compared to my twin sister.
Another favor was the fact that I was divorced a couple of times and never had a spouse to take care of me. Whereas, my twin sister and my baby sister both followed in the footsteps of my Mother who lived and a traditional life as a wife and Mother with a husband who has taken care of them for decades.
Before I moved out if town to get away from two ex-husbands, and my Mother who used to call me and tell me that my twin was mad at me (I never realized that my Mom was a master at triangulation!)
Oh my. Yes. I can understand this dynamic. It's more common than you think.
Caring for my senior mom brother is poa and continues to bully me I feel broken and confused
I stopped at 3:34 to write this comment. None of my siblings have ever been involved with any of my romantic partners, but my mom has. She even goes as far as calling me to check if I've had any dealings with a guy before she starts dating him herself, without any hesitation or questions. It sometimes feels like she sees herself as a competitor rather than just being a supportive mom.
Im 39 and my 27 year old sister has bad borrowing habits that I have had bail her out off in the last 2 years. It's taking a toll on my finances and health. We live in the same house how do I cut her off.
My little sister and cuz who was once like a sister did all this including sleep with my men. They been a tad loose tho since teen years and slept with each other’s bfs
I think I will just work until I don't have any free time.
I was the eldest of three. My middle sister was violent towards me into adulthood. You couldn’t handle my family
What if my sister tells me do you think you can do it? Or don't like her or hate her
❤❤❤❤❤❤period
Born into sibling rivalry
My story is a little different when I was conceived my father was 51 with grown children and grands we have the same dad different moms I know my siblings love me but I do feel jealousy as well it’s been that way for years how do you deal with adult siblings being jealous 😢
My sister (9 years younger than me; now 21) was fawned over by my parents for her entire life. She's also adopted, so there may be other underlying issues of identity. However, she was coddled her entire life, primarily with material goods.
These days she's an overt narcissist that throws people away as soon as she gets what she wants.
I appreciate examples but should you share true patient experiences?
Hopefully, My Mom heals and moves on. Hopefully my sister will repent for letting Jezebelic spirit take her over..regardless of how 'successful' she has become with being "a makeup artist for celebrities". #eyeswideopen
Wow. I'm sorry to hear this. She will soon find out that those kind of lifestyles only lead to death -- ultimate or temporary (on earth). There is no reward in that lifestyle. Sounds like she needs direction.
My sister is so cruel. Golden child and is jealous of me I guess
This is often set up by parents
That's true in some cases. I see this way too much in my practice.
Yes they do that too still presenting me as the possessed or unstable jealous too while they are totally fine plus my mother too gets enrolled in this and am just in my closets hiding everytime simply hidind hiding and thats all😅😢 its death to me i pray for death to lord everyday means everyday
💔❤️🩹💗💞
Sibling rivalry? I will not allow them to treat me like crap. Then need me to move the world, later. My outlook on life allowed me to create opportunities to help feed my siblings w/o telling them. No respect! Did it for ease of stress for my parents and myself. I cannot see getting up after 12pm and be in charge by 1pm. I keep it moving. There was an advertisement by the Army "We do more before 9am than some people do all day". I was born into that before it came out.