HER MARRIAGE IS OVER! SHOULD SHE GET A DIVORCE OR STAY FOR THE CHILDREN? | Fumi Desalu-Vold
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- čas přidán 22. 01. 2022
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Fumiiiiiii!!! I’m now in college, age 43, thanks to you!!!
Awwwwwwwwwwww, so PROUD of you Michelle!!!!!!! 💕
Love you aunt Fumzz
Never too old!! 🙅🏾♀️💃❤️
Congratulations 🎉, you can do it 💚
That's amazing 👏 😍 🙌 Congratulations!
DO NOT!!! I REPEAT DO NOT STAY FOR THE KIDS!!! I'm speaking as one of kids with divorced parents. I remember the times my parents were together but it wasn't in a happy place (you could literally feel the tension around the house) it was terrible!!! When my parents separated I could feel the energy becoming better. Both parents need to be in a good place to raise happy kids and that doesn't necessarily mean they need to be together and that's okay. I know they love each other and they love their children and that's enough❤
As someone who’s parents “stayed for the kids” I grew up extremely miserable. It’s left me with a pessimistic view of relationships as an adult.
I'm so sorry 😢, I apologize for your mom
Exactly
I'm not staying for the kids because what you allow is what will continue. Your children are always watching everything that you do and say they absorb everything. Sit down with them and explain it to them in a way that they understand you don't have to be hostile. My daughter is 28 years old,, and she has never heard me say one terrible thing about her father even though I say it to myself lol.
Most of the time we stay for our own sake but we don't want to own it .so we hide behind the reason; it's for my kids
You said it all.
Most women actually stay for themselves, but they make people believe they are staying for the interest of the kids, forgetting they are actually putting these kids through something which might affect them psychologically and more in the long run.
very good observation
This is true it's just an excuse
Am actually using the kids being in school yet I wish I was financially stable so I just leave and disappear off
I admired my father until I was 6 and saw him beat my mum then hated him so much. It’s made me allergic to any bullshit in my marriage.
Yea cos I know no marriage isn’t perfect but when I learnt to put my foot down and not pretend to bullshit been ok we are just fine women should know their worth that’s d only way
Personally, as a mother and a 41 year old woman, I will not stay in a marriage because of my children because children are quite sensitive to their environment and can sense negative energy. It is better I co- parent and we make sure that the kids come first and we love them but understanding that we cannot be together while achieving that.
Again, consider that there’s an empty nest in the near future. When they leave, what is left?
I really hate that it's so ingrained in us to "stay for the kids". In some cases, it is the only option but when it comes to disrespect and any type of abuse, then I personally believe its the lesser of two evils to separate. Children should basically been seen as sponges because even when you don't think they do or can, they see, hear, and absorb everything. And if you stay where things are not good for you, with someone who is not good for you, you teach your children the same and when they grow up they have a better chance at staying in toxic environments. I think its important to show and remind the children that you both will always love them but that you aren't in love with each other and that that is ok. Hopefully you can be amicable with each other and co parent, but if its toxic for the parents, its toxic for the children. My mother left my father and it was the best thing she ever did. She never talked bad about him to us even though he often tried to get her to come out of her character. But she let us form our own opinions of him based off his actions. And it was only after we all became adults that I even learned how much hurt and anger she carried and still carries. And now as a mother, I am grateful to be in a healthy relationship but I always remind myself that a good environment for me means a good and safe one for our son. It's hard, its scary to think about leaving but staying for the children, I think, is more something we "say" but often judge the people who do. Think of (daddy issues and mommy issues) Thinking of yourself is thinking of your children.
This. I saw my parents fighting as a kid and I soaked it all in. Caused me to be severely codependent and end up in abusive situations. I wasn’t able to differentiate my father from being my dad to being my moms husband. It was fused in one. I soaked up their marital woes which isn’t healthy. Had my mom left, I’m sure I would’ve been able to view my dad as just my dad. Oh well
Kids from divorced parents are always damaged.
@@Jewels_8404 I think you are generalising and that's your opinion but we need to be careful about our language . It's like saying a particular race are not clever enough to go to the best schools ( We we're told this at my daughters primary school but i ignored it because I know who She is by Gods Grace ) and so proved to be wrong and a generalisation )That's just a tiny example am giving .
This is the stereotype in society and not necessarily true . When people say such things I class myself as that doesn't apply to me . So up to you to accept the myths of society.
Michelle Obama grew up with only her mother and she doesn't seem damaged to me .
@@Jewels_8404 that’s not always the case. The parents have to make an effort to still be one singular unit while raising their children TOGETHER. I know of plenty of families that successfully and respectfully raise children while divorced.
My family is one of those.
I love watching you do makeup while getting life lessons.
You and I same WhatsApp group me too 🥰🥰🥰
Me too. Wow this woman has Wisdom, her advice is priceless. Learning all the time
Same here
Same here❤️
I thank GOD every day, my Mama had the strength to leave. I think my marriage is successful because she showed me how to respect myself and not to tolerate adultery and disrespect.
Fact!
I left a 18 years relationship, seven years marriage. Three kids with my soon to be ex husband. I left for my peace, couldn't continue to deal with the embarrassment caused by my husband via having children outside our marriage/relationship. Divorce was never in my plans but when my husband finally realised that I had reach my boiling point, he filed for divorce with the expectation of me coming back to him, I didnt. I am at peace within myself and I can say from experience, staying for the kids never never never work out.
I feel like as a woman if you're unhappy then believe your children are also unhappy. People sometimes underestimate their children seeing their mother hurt. Just my two cents. Other great Sister to Sister.
My mother stayed in a volatile situation. She many times was the one who hit 1st & dad reciprocated. Things got better over time (separate bedrooms, separate life I guess. My mom had a side relationship, my dad said he never did.) They did divorce when I was an adult. The caveat is that my mom held it against us that she stayed in the marriage for "her children sake."
I use to be really happy when I see my mom and dad happy together playing around but the moment I see them fighting I get really sad and begin to think so much 😔
I just couldn't stay for the kids if there was no love between us. Children are like sponges and they soak up everything. You can't fool them. They will pick up on tension between mother and father. A happy momma is a good momma. You can start over and they can still have both parents in their lives.
It is not our job to set low standards for what a family unit should be. My parents stayed for the kids and I struggle to shake off negative preconceptions and cynicism about relationships to this day.
It’s more important to show kids what happiness and contentment looks like and that they should have self-respect and standards, even if it means being single at times. Emotional stability and self worth are better gifts than absent or toxic parents.
When she yells: “OLE!!!” in the middle of videotaping! 😁🤣😂😘🥰😍❤️❤️❤️
My mom "stayed for the kids",my dad wasn't a good man,he loved to abuse all of us verbally,the trauma is real,I feel like the reason why I'm not sure about marriage comes from my parent's bad relationship.most of my classmates had great stories about their parents,i didn't understand why mine couldn't be great with each other. In 2018 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety,I was told it is because of all the trauma I had to endure from my parents.If you're being abused and have kids and you have the strength to leave please leave for the kids
This was a very honest response to the question...brilliant!
We as mothers put up a lot for our kids. Every child should be cherished. They are a gift from above.
I love you Fumi, but let's give a shoutout to your husband Ole. He is so supportive...and puts up with all of your shenanigans, always with a smile and a kind word....the best balance. Love you!!!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 shout out to Ole x
So happy adrian is doing well
Very beautiful, Aunty Fumz! I wish there was a "mini" Funmi. You would have really jazzed her up
Leaving was the best decision I ever made. God has stood up for me and I am greatful.
Once the love has gone (on both sides in this case) and there is no trust (as in this case) there is no marriage. Trying to stay together for the sake of the children when there is no communication will not last. Fumi, you did a great job with your make up.
I am staying for my child. I am an older mother. I am 50 and my daugher is 9. I have so many feelings about this issue but like you said she did not ask for this.
My ex-husband was very, violent there was no understanding in him no matter how much I tried to get him to understand. We had to raise our daughter. He walked away from her and blamed me. If I wouldn't take him back then he did him. But he did that anyway. Staying out until 4, 5, and 6 o'clock in the morning after leaving the apartment at 6:30-7pm the day before. Sometimes you have to have a plan before you leave. Because he could come where I saw and beat me. I wasn't allowed at my own divorce. I found out I was divorced when the papers came in the mail. Everyone is different, judge him, feel him out. Like my lawyer said it's when they see the final of the marriage for what ever he is getting out of it. Why is he staying? Why have you stayed. You both have went outside of your union 💎🌹
Ole's shirt look fabulous on you!
Fumi, I totally agree with you when it comes to the first love, interaction of a daughter and father( likewise with a son). I told my daughter father when she was born, you are the first man you daughter will fall in love with and you will be the first man to break her heart. And he's done so repeatedly.
Love hubby's shirt on you😍 I was WONDERING where you got that shirt! 😄Love the look and how you ALWAYS make the lip colors look so great. You could be a "lipstick" model!!!
So true Fumi, we have been children before and we owe these kids the most peaceful childhood ever. You inspire me so much❤️
Yes, I get so excited when I get the notification for a new video from you. I begin to smile immediately. Then you come on with a laugh and I smile cheek to cheek. You are soooooo knowledgeable and you are helping a world of women. Yes, I love, love, love Sister to Sister too!
Hello Auntie Fumi. What you've described is a generational curse that gets repeated. Children that saw bad home dynamics are doomed to repeat it themselves. It takes work but they're worth it. Living out a life sentence isn't great either. Prayers to her 🙏🏾
Not all father's deserve to be admired buy their daughters. My eldest daughter's dad is a waste of space. He chose drugs over his daughter and she has no admiration or respect for him. So not all children admire their fathers. Respect and admiration has to be earned in my opinion. My fiance, partner of 20 years and dad to my 15 yr old son has been her role model and father figure since she was 4 and she admires, respects and adores him.
I totally agree 👍
I love the look Fumi. I’m so scared to do the Smokey eye look lol. I love your sister to sister talks, your advice is top tier and handled with thought and delicately 💖
A great Sister to Sister talk! Thank you Sister Fumi!
Yes aunt funmi you’re absolutely correct if they are going to stay together in an open relationship they should make sure the children doesn’t see or smell any toxicity in the home
Fumes, I love this makeup palette, because I like my makeup subtle, and this would be perfect for me. I love The Husband Shirt! Thank you!
I agree that children likes to be in a happy healthy loving home circle....children are good at knowing when things are not right between the adults they sense it they feel it therefore i do not believe anyone should stay in a loveless relationship for the sake of the kids because you are not only hurting yourself but also the kids...they know when you are not happy..
Darling sister ,I cannot get enough of ur little posts. Thank u for those. Now I want her to be happy for her self. On the other hand she thinks her children do not know what is going on,they know. Break the cycle, be a role model for ur children, show them that u don’t have to stay in a fail relationship. The kids r not 3/4 years, they c things . Live for them and u. Sister fumi continue with all what u r doing, love ❤️
Love makeup application with life education!
Fumi, you said it SISTA very sensible reasoning. I Love Love love the look!!!!❤️❤️
WHAT A WORD!!! You’re preaching Sis!! Amen!! Thank you for this!! I love your shirt by the way. I need one like it in my life lol 😉 Have a blessed day ❤️❤️❤️
Wow!!! Best Eye Color ever!!! I can definitely wear this⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐✔💯
Well said Fumi!! And spot on. ! You missed your profession, You should have been a psychologist!! I respect your advice. Never let go of Sister to Sister!
A true glow from within ! This makeup look is flawless
Made my day...glad I caught it💚💚❤❤💚❤👏👏👏FABULOUS!!!
I love this look! Fabulous!
Wonderful and powerful advice, thank you Fumi♥️
You look absolutely stunning Femi. I 💕💕💕
I love the beat! Just as I love Sister to Sister!
Fumiiiii!! I've been watching your videos from the beginning of last year and I Love, Love, Love! I have never made a post in your comment section before but I'm going to do that today! With reference to what you said about young girls loving their father, I'll have to politely disagree because I don't love my father, I "like" him because I know his my "father" but just as everyone has story, I have my reasoning behind this... It's a long story.. That being said, I'm not a social media person but I would LIVE to have a conversation with you, to share my story.. I only have WhatsApp just so you know.. I hope you grant me this opportunity.. Love you xoxo
I think if there's maturity between the parents, it's possible to stay. Leaving is not always the right decision, especially where the kids stability is concerned. If there's a solid negotiation between parents on the terms of engagement, then it sometimes turns out better than the marriage because the romantic expectations are no longer there.
Yes we love the beat & your joyous laugh! 😀 I'm interested to see the opinion of Fumni Nation sisters on this one. It's a tricky & sensitive one. 1st thing to make clear to the kids: It's NOT their fault! Now IMO of course leave if there's abuse. Assuming there's not, no one goes into marriage looking for divorce. But I think as ladies we naturally romanticize things & don't keep it real. Does he even want to stay? Staying only for the kids & they watch you be miserable isn't healthy either. Are BOTH mates able to handle this In a mature & respectful manner long term? Easy to say yes bc you understandably don't want a broken home for the children, but reality is most can't do this. The day either starts to date out, travel alone for a weekend, or whatever can it be openly tolerated? What's the plan if either wants to leave bc they've found a new mate? If you can't deal with it, leave before it becomes a toxic scene the children watch unfold. Remember, they're little now, but kids become teenagers & young adults. Kids will have birthday parties, school events, sleep overs & such. A 3yr old may not pay any mind to parents not showing affection or sleeping in different rooms, but a 12 or 16 year old will. A teen will have basic understanding of marriage & know it's not what's going on in their home. That's a real conversation to have with the kids.
I’m watching on tv but had to grab my phone just to say we love u. The video hasn’t even started but ur comments about “maybe Adriennes shirt when his older” about 5 mins prior my daughter and I had a life conversation the sad part - we cried then we started to watch u. I love u- perfect timing and to me it may be coincidence but God knows it wasn’t. Xxxx
This colour looks stunning on you 🤩
Fumi, I like this eye shadow. I'll try it!
Relationships can be hard.
Aunty Fumi, I love the beat 😘 and your advice was so mature balanced and unbiased.
Amen , preach sister.
Love the look ❤️
As usual great advice Fumi, I totally agree with you. I wish that lady all the best for herself and children. I live for sister to sister, luv you Fumi stay safe and healthy.
Fumi you are great i love the way you put on your make-up it's awesome. Happy New Year.
Beautiful thank you Fumi i must get that eye pallet.
Fumi, your make up is so beautiful. I truly wish I could wear it. My skin is so sensitive it breaks me out. After, you finish your make up you remind me of Grace Jones. Love you so much. GOD Bless you and your family.
Always love your wisdom Fumi ❤
You stay for the sake of the kids now but what will happen when their time to leave comes because it will.
2.Which will give you peace.Staying or leaving?Choose wisely because your hapiness not anyone else depends on you.
I can relate. About 30 years in the relationship with lots lots of complications.
Great advice 👍🏼
Well this video is right on time for my life!! I haven't watched it yet, and i am so interested in what you have to say about this situation because i am in a marriage that i decided to stay in for my 2 yr old son sake. Everyone haa been telling me that im crazy for doing it....
Wish more people would hear this👍🏾✅
I love that t-shirt on you Adrian is doing well
Blue looks good on you ♥️🌹
"Ola, who was it?! So nosy Fumi, so nosy" I love you 😍 😂
Your best look ever!...I like subtle 😍
I am super duper happy to know Adriana is doing well.
am soooooo blessed to listen to you everytime for free!!! thankyou so much aunty fumi
Glad Adrian is doing well.
I agree with your advice .
I love watching you doing make up
The shirt looks good on you
I love this woman 🥰
Fumi this color take you so well
Fumi u look gorgeous in ula shirt. The colour looks great on u.
I feel like we are friends....so great having you to talk to! lol
Hi Fumi Fumination sister to sister. I love your teaching and motivation from South Africa 💋💋
Hey Thembie no sleeping hunnie 🥰
Good Sunday to you all Fumi Nation 😘🥰😍🙋🏾♀️
same to you 🤗
Aah aunty you are on point with the make-up as always and mwuaah for the advise. We live, we love ❤️
Fumi this one is a lot! I would stay if there is love for each other and respect. If there is no love no sense in staying, kids will be seeing nothing but madness and nothing but disrespect.
Do we live,do we love ❤️
Yes, yes, yes
I love your husband’s shirt it looks awesome on you❤️
First time here and I love your energy
Welcome!!!
Yep you are correct a girl child loves her father first. I'm a complete daddy's girl even at nearly 50 this year. Unlike my parents I have not been lucky as I am a single mother with two teenage daughters now
Both my past relationships I left as it never worked out.
It is a complex question. Only the one wearing the shoes knows how it pinch!
It's always funny seeing your husband leaving 🤣 😂 😭
Happy new year big Sis. Love from Kenya
She makes me happy
Fumi lemme tell you when you laugh!!! You sound like you have a violin inside you... you just jazz me.. love love love..
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I love your continent I love your approach to it if I wish I could tell you my story we glad but just know you are so far from alone!!!!🌺🍨🍭🍬💯
Auntie Fums you look gorgeous 🤎
I was about to ask if you were wearing your husband's shirt, but you answered 'pre-emptly'. 🤣
You wear it very well! (Blue is my favourite colour, btw). 🥰❤❤❤
I love you Fumi, today my husband watched the video with me...xoxoxox