Such a generous act for Dawn to open her home. I have a family member who hoards and Dawn’s story gives me a perspective that allows me be more compassionate toward them.
Thank you for posting this. It's really important for others to understand how this works: Hoarding is 100% Emotional and Psychological. Its not about clearing out physical items, its about a VALID EMOTIONAL TRAUMA that has been dismissed. Hoarders feel unseen, unheard, and dismissed by others. Loss of status, loss of job, and no one to take care of them. It takes YEARS of emotional abuse to get into a place of hoarding. It doesn't just happen overnight. Hoarding is a sign of emotional neglect and the hoarder is the victim of the trauma. Hoarders are further victimized by being made to feel ashamed of their hoarding, further isolating and insulting the hoarder. Its literally kicking someone when they're down emotionally. Hoarders often feel unsafe because the past trauma is residual and still resonating within them. And hoarders often feel that life has no meaning or purpose because its lost all of its luster and shine, due to the depression and loneliness. Use empathy and compassion when dealing with a hoarder. They're often some of the strongest minds who have fallen so very far. All they want is someone to be compassionate and understanding.
Don’t buy it. These are people who are extremely rigid and actually seek attention and want everyone to witness their suffering. They are total narcissistic victims of their own making. The people who suffer most are those who foolishly attempt to “help” the hoarder. I have no compassion for hoarders and know more than one! I have total compassion for family and friends of hoarders because there is absolutely nothing they can do about the conditions their loved one has insisted on living with and who are usually making it worse by the day. Don’t let these willful people off the hook-the one thing they need to do is be confronted by a professional not given every comfort. Take responsibility and get down off the cross you mailed yourself to. Life is short. Be responsible. Everyone has trauma. Everyone.
@@r8chlletterspeople like you are the reason hoarders (and a lot of mentally ill people) are where they are. I was raised (and traumatized) by a narcissistic father and in-between my griefing and processing my trauma I still try to understand him and even be empathic when I have the resources to do so. Just judging and labeling people doesn't help anyone
@@r8chllettersYou know "more than one" yet can confidently assert that millions of people are this myopic description that you've given? Okay, vent your spleen about how awful your experiences were with the ones you know, but why go on to adamantly claim that "these people are" all the crap that you said that's so much assumption? Whether you accept it or not, hoarding disorder is a legitimate and complex psychiatric disorder that can be genetic and involves cognitive impairments that people can't just willingly snap out of to stop it impacting others and themselves. For a percentage of people part of the illness itself can be a partial or complete lack of insight that they have a problem, that's a brain function issue, not willfullness. Just as inaccurate is that "these people actually seek attention and want everyone to witness their suffering, and that they are total narcissistic victims of their own making". Utter bs, so many people hide their situation and are afraid to get help because of shame and attitudes such as your comment. Yes, many people with hoarding disorder or related issues can also have other disorders and traits just like the rest of the population, including narcissism, but a blanket statement that hoarders are narcissistic and seek attention and want witnesses is completely incorrect. It's also incorrect that there's nothing that family or friends or can do. There is help and there are treatments that can be effective, and harm reduction strategies that can be tried even where insight is poor. It's an illness, there's no hook someone needs to be let off. Confrontation is also one of the worst ways to go about it. Not given any comfort? Again, mental illness. You can't punish, shun, shame or bully someone out of being mentally ill and having executive function problems. It's not a personal failing, it's literally processing dysfunctions in the way a person's brain works. Would you say these things about someone with schizophrenia, or something like autism or epilepsy? Would you try and badger someone out of having dementia symptoms because they were behaving badly? Or perhaps we shouldn't "buy into" those either? "Take responsibility and get down off the cross you nailed yourself to", because someone expresses insight and empathy for something you don't understand? What a disgusting thing to say. And no, not everyone has trauma or to the same degree of experience or has the same responses as other people. I don't expect any of this to matter to you, it's here so that an opinion on some people isn't left as standing as if it's absolute fact about an entire group of people.
@@r8chllettersthank you saying and having the words to express what I am so fed up of I can’t even find the words anymore. I couldn’t agree more and you have it nailed. Just watch a couple seasons of Hoarders and you’ll see how they treat their kids like absolute shit and their attitudes are extremely narcissistic. It was sobering for me watching that show to finally “get it.” I for one have close to no relationship anymore with my parent and it’s broken my heart. It is nothing but rage and insults over absolute garbage. Meanwhile I watch other mothers sob how much they love and appreciate their children. Im my personal opinion if this was pre-1960 she would very well be committed since she doesn’t want to admit she has a serious safety and serious mental problem.
You nailed it! Most people, even if they have good intentions, do NOT have the slightest idea of what a hoarder went through in his earlier life. It is really a problem from within, to begin with. And you are so damn right when you mentioned about 'emotional trauma'. Thank you for sharing your insightful knowledge.
My friend is the same way. If you mention it she will stop talking. She is now in big trouble with animals. She has excuses and blames others. This is so sad.
@@cathygoltsoff9615yup. My brother had a cat just over 4 years that was dying from terrible hygiene and being over fed. Saddest shit ever and he was saying he got the cat that way with dingleberries and all the health problems. Just have to clean clean clean and be patient.
hoarders are building a safe wall around themselves and a world of their own. I know because I was a hoarder as a child. When I moved out of my childhood home I had my own private space and didnt need to build it with stuff anymore.
My mom has this issue and honestly I have lost empathy for it. When I was a kid I was never allowed to have friends over because the house was "messy" but I would often spend hours cleaning rooms to have it destroyed within a week so got fed up. I would also get told off for throwing stuff away, even stuff like plastic bags, containers from everything and egg cartons, junk she said is reusable. I am all for sustainability and not wasting but its another level. Obviously I am not living with her anymore but its still an issue and other family members are concerned. I thought since she retired she would take care of it like she promised but theres been no improvement and she bought a bigger house which I think only enables it. The garage is full to the brim with stuff including broken furniture she picks up off the curb to transform and put idk where since the house is full. I think she is a level 3 but becoming a 4 since there is so much clutter in rooms it is impossible to clean them. Dust and grime are becoming huge issues. Several family members have stepped in over the years to help organize but our time is wasted as its back to square one in a few months. She gets super defensive, refuses to throw anything away and told them they did not organize well so she could not find anything. I decided to no longer care or try to help at this point, I ignore it now and refuse to even help clean until the clutter is taken care of.
Hey i have the same issues with my mom, grew up just likd you. She also keeps empty trash containers like toothpaste tubes for no sane reason. If you want to talk i am here.
It's a mental disorder, you can't focus on the clutter, the symptom, to adjust the problem. The mom needs professional help, family support is good, but you guys are not therapists, you can just expect people to treat deep depression on their own, as it's idealistic to treat your mom as someone capable of handling her deep disorder on her own. All you can try is to make an agreement of the mom seeing a therapist, even in the house or she will have to face the autorithies since every hoarder house is a fire hazard. It's the help you can provide.
There is probably a reason...something that carried over from your mum's childhood. Sadness due to loss, loneliness, never socio-economic insecurity? My very agile sister had a busy career and then had a bad horseback riding accident in her late 30s, which left her quite handicapped. She had a long term relationship that fell apart and then I think she felt like "who'd want me with a smashed hip." She started hoarding, I think, as a way of coping with her pain (she was in medicine and refused to take painkillers because of the rise in addiction) and then came the loss of our dad. Even though he'd lived a long life, I remember her not taking it well; she never moved past it. After our mum died, and 3 of us tried sorting through our parents house in 2019, she did not want to donate anything. Things that had been earmarked for others, she was upset that she couldn't keep those things too. We used a dumpster to clean out my father's garage (he had hoarding tendencies also) and she would clamber up into the dumpster (with her bad leg) and pick thru what my other sis and I had discarded. She would pick thru donation piles...and remove 80 percent to the trunk of her packed car. She was visibly upset, but would try to conceal how angry she was. She died during the pandemic. Her house, which had once been so beautiful (she had marvelous taste in antiques and art) was a mess. She'd banned us (her sisters) from entering for many years....her "sanity" was reserved for outside the house - for neighbors, acquaintances, and former colleagues...people she could hold at arm's length. (we realized after her death, that she never let anyone get too close.....what did that mean??) The inside of her home was her insanity. Anyway, I'm so sorry for what you are going thru. It's hard to cope with a loved-one who is not functional (and who loves you more than your mother?) That's painful. I will never be over what happened with my sister - getting thrown from a horse, the mental breakdown, the loneliness and isolation. Four years after her death, was there more I could have done? If she were living today (I'm 3,000 miles away) I would just make sure she knew how much I loved her. That's ALL you can do for your mother. DOn't harp, don't plead, don't threaten...just put in writing how much you love her.
@@julieb7785 I'm sorry for the loss you've had in your life 💕 try not to blame yourself for things u can't change. Many hoarding cases (seen in family members) is it's been triggered from the loss of a loved one through death or getting a divorce. The therapist said they basically think "at least my stuff can't leave me" so they find comfort in that. They get attached to items especially if an item has a special memory or was given to them by the loved one that passed away, if they get rid of the item it's like they lose a part of that person again or that they don't care about them anymore (even if it's just a random item like a hairbrush they got as a gift). That's why it's not "just a messy house" to them. That's the case for some hoarders anyways.
My cousin is a hoarder,and she keeps buying new things,you can’t move around in her house, her garage is a disaster, her house is probably not more than 700sq feet and it’s packed, she’s a coupon compulsive shopper, and she believes that she’s stockpiling for the end times.
I had a neighbor who was a hoarder. She was a medical tech who made good money, but she blew it all hauling home stuff. She justified her purchases because they were from thrift stores, flea markets and yard sales. There were sofas stacked on top of each other in the bedroom. You could not see 25 feet from the front door to the window in the living room. This was a one bedroom apartment. It was really sad.
Isolation and stressful jobs always cause piles to accumulate. SAD also makes things harder to let go during the cold season. Once spring hits its like the mind can think clearer and it's easier to let go and problem solve.
Children of hoarder have trauma with stuff, we always try tidying stuff, but sometimes if we dont have organize skill then we will have half-part tidy and half-part mess Messy place trigger our trauma and discomfort and maybe shame I do recommend read book Marie Kondo, it's really help me throw stuff Some stuff is precious being kept and some that not, give away Empty space like minimalistic idea is impossible and feel too cold and have no personality
My neighbour is a hoarder. She's literally next door. we live in rent studios, share the terrace. We are just an opposite. I love clean environment. so, I clean everyday. she's been always aggresive toward me and really make everything about her. She always complained to the landlord accusing me make her uncomfortable. I never talk to her nor greet her, never complained about her but she always point her finger on me doing this and that to her which actually her makr things up. Its going to be 4 years next month, Im in the point where I seriously plan to move out for my own mental health since the landlord has done nothing with her hoarding and her being aggresive toward me all the time.
You might want to look in to the housing laws in your area regarding what rights and responsibilities that both landlords and tenants have when it comes to an issue like this.
My late sister had been renting out her lower level. She passed away suddenly and he has made the place so groos i cant even descrive it. He made a path for me to see it. The wrotten crap was as high as 7 feet. I was in shock to say the least. Unfortunately, I feel bad for him but at the same time it makes me angry. I called the fire marshall and they went to talk to him. He is slowly clearing items out. I have empathy for him and feel bad for him however he hasn't paid any rent since 2021. I have asked him to leave in 2-3 months as the house is now an estate.
The 'organising' excuse is exactly that, its just another form of denial and refusal to accept the hoarding is a problem. A person whose house is utterly dysfunctional does not need an organiser, all this is just moving the hoard about and the problem continues. Its like an alcoholic saying I just need to have a couple of drinks less each day , yeah good luck with that.
Exactly!!! These "experts" treat Hoarders like children with their "softly softly" approach😡 it doesn't work! I have a Hoarder friend of ten years I have tried "calmly" expressing my concerns...but she refuses to change or listen. She has a million reasons why she needs to keep the junk...and a million excuses why she can't clean up right now...yet I see her on Social Media out at parties and football games...when she could be home cleaning! My sympathy is done. The hoarders are actual narcissists who "get off" on the attention their clutter brings...
@@MaleOrderBride exactly, a couple Of weeks later it will be just as bad again - probably worse. Then the excuse will be the organiser don't do it how she wanted or didn't do it properly. Another excuse to add to the never ending list of excuses, nothing changes - the problem remains. The problem being this is a dysfunctional way to live, it is incredibly life limiting it brings no value, it is isolating and alienated the person from friends and family. It is not a problem of space or organisation - it is a problem within the mind of the person that presents itself as an irrational need to hold onto garbage and junk instead of a fulfilling life it is avoidance.
@55tranquility these "expert" psychiatrists never talk about the stress the Hoarder causes to all the Loved Ones around them...we are expected to just indulge the Hoarder and treat them like a baby ugh...I am done!😪
I’ve been this way my whole life and I’ve never had company. My Mom passed away who was also a hoarder. I have boxes up stuff to sell but because I have a major social anxiety disorder I’m afraid to be around people to sell stuff. My Mom and I had a shopping addiction bad. Now she’s gone and I’m that I’ve become unemployed and my fear needs to be overcome because I’ll die in this house alone because my family hasn’t been in my life except my Mom. I wish I wasn’t like this. I don’t know where to get help because I want to have friends which I’ve never had on my own. I’m between a 3-4 hoarder level.
My mother was a hoarder. Her obsession with stuff killed our relationship. She cared more about her stuff than her family. She died alone and all that stuff was thrown in the trash. That hoard likely killed her because she had a really bad mice problem and rotten food all over the house. My advice is to treasure the person/people in your life that you care about. Keep in contact every week, build memories. Being a hoarder is self isolating. I didn't even cry when my mother died. We didn't have a relationship, when I was a child or as an adult. I'm more sad that it was never better and thinking about everything that was missing.
You sound like you've been thinking seriously about this. Good for you. Maybe, if you can, hire an organizer? Or, a local (non-demoninational) church could perhaps guide you go some resources? Best of luck to you.
You sound like you've been thinking seriously about this. Good for you. Maybe, if you can, hire an organizer? Or, a local (non-demoninational) church could perhaps guide you go some resources? Best of luck to you.
99% of people watching this video are in the middle of cleaning their room right now and procrastinating lol. And also looking for something to justify themselves to not throw away stuff
I’m not cleaning my room i’m watching this video 🤣 . I’m 3/4 hoarder heavy clutter for many years . many boxes of stuff project items and hobbies . Decided to catalog everything in categories and match on ebay to locate a seller local to sell to for fraction of what’s on ebay . I feel guilty to java a vacation and get away progress slow . Don’t feel i’m a hoarder but have discomfort . Ideal is to decrease about 150 to 200 boxes of stuff in 2 sheds and enclosed patio room .
I wonder if donating items to charity is a solution for some of these people. Or with documents, perhaps scanning them and saving them to a computer instead of paper form might work.
@@janelleanderson6744 Ya you're probably right. After thinking about it, I believe the problem is that they get emotionally attached to their stuff. People associate memories with physical objects. Like if you see your late father's old clothing or something like that. But these people have a similar emotional attachment to everything that comes into their possession. It's probably more complicated than this, but I think this is the general problem.
I have an interesting question. Do you think that minimalism is the opposite of hoarding..or is a backlash of a sort to the idea of hoarding, because they tell themselves they dont want to be like that??
Relearning ou learning organizing skills is helpful, even that they are not a therapist. The clutter exists, even that is a symptom, still needs to be adressed and dealt with.
One thing hoarders never think of is how their children or other family members are going to have to deal with their mess when the hoarder dies. They are in denial of the fact that we all die and then all our stuff is thrown away. Extreme hoarders are literally building walls around themselves to protect themselves from the outside world. It is fear based and can only be tackled by mental health professionals working with them.
Been through this and it's horrible. Heaps of valuable stuff mixed with literal trash. Watching family simply fighting over stuff they think they can sell is gut wrenching 😢
It all went into 2dozen large construction trash bins. We could have thrown away the original Magna Carta and not known. The volume of stuff was just too vast to sort through. Lesson learned. You can imagine what the cost of those bins were.
My parents did this while I was in the hospital for a month. My mother threw away tons of my artwork and clothes. Since then I don’t like to leave my house because I don’t know where anything is because what was kept was thrown in totes (unmarked). Since then I haven’t enjoyed life. My passion to create art I’ve Lost that. It was traumatic and my stuff was replaced with items I don’t even like in my home.
I hear you! I have lots of unorganized objects, my husband comes from a family of horders, he projects his pain on me and wants to throw away my "precious" belongings! We argue a lot about him only touching/cleaning out his belongings only...
@@t4t359 To me it sounds like they do live on their own, and while in hospital the parents thought they were helping by letting themselves in to "clean the mess".
Sorting my clutter clean home many piles sorting categorizing donations and many e bay items not worth listing for me under $25 value . Will search and find local ebay seller for free. Items over $75 value list myself or sell to local ebay seller for big discount . Listed items in clutter shed SOLD last week $560.00 cash . Progress continues
Oh wow, I wish my person's house was as clean as hers. His stuff is up to the ceiling, with a very thin pathway thru the house. Expired rotting food everywhere, unusable kitchen. Even his car is packed. Certain religions reward prepping & hoarding food, & he's in one.
It's me lol. I'm the opposite of my mom, uncle and grandpa who all have histories of hoarding. I want to purge stuff all the time. I have trouble focusing or enjoying myself if there are chores to be done. Even taking a break from cleaning when I really get into it stresses me out because I want to keep going until I'm done. I'm pretty sure I'm developing OCD around objects and cleaning.
@@MadisonEstes ahhh me too. My mom and her family (my grandparent, uncles, aunts) have histories of hoarding too. Now i can't stop cleaning and organizing even when people say my place is clean. That's why i wonder if that case is possible.
My sister had died in a home from a hoarder. There was hardly any room to bring in equipment. Lights were kept off so Firemen/Policemen wouldn't see the disaster and make a report.
There isn’t a good excuse to become like this-and the people who do this are really just angry, looking to be victims and are attention seeking. The people they ultimately hurt is everyone witnessing their needless narcissistic behavior. These are rigid and entrenched people who refuse to allow problems to be solved as their pain is their anchor in life.
@@kg6801 firsthand experience. Many people dealing with a hoarder in their midst work very hard to do the right thing and think they have failed when ultimately their relationship is in tatters and the hoarder keeps insisting on doing what they do. It’s not a failure on the part of the people around the hoarder, trying to help an obvious out of control problem. Someone needs to speak up on their behalf, something really missing in these shows. If you talk to anyone in the mental health profession adding hoarding to the DSM was not unanimous at all. It had been refused for many years for a reason. These people suffer from NPD usually with some OCD features but ultimately they are just very selfish, sado-masochistic people. Their living conditions are a rant against everyone and everything that didn’t go right for them. They are blaming, selfish and rigid people bent on harming everyone and often completely innocent people (elderly parents or small children) and animals. It’s disgusting and we need to call it out honestly for what it is. If you have a hoarder in your family best just remove yourself. Rescue anyone under their control including any animals (animal control will be glad to take them away). If you have power of attorney move them out to a very small apartment or a living facility where they cannot create a sizeable problem any more. Enough said.
I have many project items duplicate camping supplies electrical supplies vintage electronic games and the list goes on to about 150 small home depot boxes . Clutter but clean home. Happy retired active have a extremely neat clean . But have too much clutter in my home . Nobody visits me because I visit them or not a entraining person like we see on TV people showing off their home on youtube or TickTock . Might do that in a few weeks there is a light brown bear always in the parking lot or the yards at my vacation home . I can take videos . Often see them with cubs when i’m on the deck looming at the snow covered mountains .
Nope, these people have a real negative physical reaction when getting rid of this stuff (pulse and blood pressure rise, panic attacks etc.) and most of these people want to change but the anxiety and the amount of stuff becomes overwhelming. I've seen it and it's very sad.
Such a generous act for Dawn to open her home. I have a family member who hoards and Dawn’s story gives me a perspective that allows me be more compassionate toward them.
❤🙏
Thank you for posting this. It's really important for others to understand how this works: Hoarding is 100% Emotional and Psychological.
Its not about clearing out physical items, its about a VALID EMOTIONAL TRAUMA that has been dismissed. Hoarders feel unseen, unheard, and dismissed by others.
Loss of status, loss of job, and no one to take care of them. It takes YEARS of emotional abuse to get into a place of hoarding. It doesn't just happen overnight.
Hoarding is a sign of emotional neglect and the hoarder is the victim of the trauma. Hoarders are further victimized by being made to feel ashamed of their hoarding, further isolating and insulting the hoarder. Its literally kicking someone when they're down emotionally.
Hoarders often feel unsafe because the past trauma is residual and still resonating within them. And hoarders often feel that life has no meaning or purpose because its lost all of its luster and shine, due to the depression and loneliness.
Use empathy and compassion when dealing with a hoarder. They're often some of the strongest minds who have fallen so very far. All they want is someone to be compassionate and understanding.
Don’t buy it. These are people who are extremely rigid and actually seek attention and want everyone to witness their suffering. They are total narcissistic victims of their own making. The people who suffer most are those who foolishly attempt to “help” the hoarder. I have no compassion for hoarders and know more than one! I have total compassion for family and friends of hoarders because there is absolutely nothing they can do about the conditions their loved one has insisted on living with and who are usually making it worse by the day. Don’t let these willful people off the hook-the one thing they need to do is be confronted by a professional not given every comfort. Take responsibility and get down off the cross you mailed yourself to. Life is short. Be responsible. Everyone has trauma. Everyone.
@@r8chlletterspeople like you are the reason hoarders (and a lot of mentally ill people) are where they are. I was raised (and traumatized) by a narcissistic father and in-between my griefing and processing my trauma I still try to understand him and even be empathic when I have the resources to do so. Just judging and labeling people doesn't help anyone
@@r8chllettersYou know "more than one" yet can confidently assert that millions of people are this myopic description that you've given? Okay, vent your spleen about how awful your experiences were with the ones you know, but why go on to adamantly claim that "these people are" all the crap that you said that's so much assumption?
Whether you accept it or not, hoarding disorder is a legitimate and complex psychiatric disorder that can be genetic and involves cognitive impairments that people can't just willingly snap out of to stop it impacting others and themselves. For a percentage of people part of the illness itself can be a partial or complete lack of insight that they have a problem, that's a brain function issue, not willfullness.
Just as inaccurate is that "these people actually seek attention and want everyone to witness their suffering, and that they are total narcissistic victims of their own making". Utter bs, so many people hide their situation and are afraid to get help because of shame and attitudes such as your comment. Yes, many people with hoarding disorder or related issues can also have other disorders and traits just like the rest of the population, including narcissism, but a blanket statement that hoarders are narcissistic and seek attention and want witnesses is completely incorrect.
It's also incorrect that there's nothing that family or friends or can do. There is help and there are treatments that can be effective, and harm reduction strategies that can be tried even where insight is poor.
It's an illness, there's no hook someone needs to be let off. Confrontation is also one of the worst ways to go about it. Not given any comfort? Again, mental illness. You can't punish, shun, shame or bully someone out of being mentally ill and having executive function problems. It's not a personal failing, it's literally processing dysfunctions in the way a person's brain works. Would you say these things about someone with schizophrenia, or something like autism or epilepsy? Would you try and badger someone out of having dementia symptoms because they were behaving badly? Or perhaps we shouldn't "buy into" those either?
"Take responsibility and get down off the cross you nailed yourself to", because someone expresses insight and empathy for something you don't understand? What a disgusting thing to say. And no, not everyone has trauma or to the same degree of experience or has the same responses as other people. I don't expect any of this to matter to you, it's here so that an opinion on some people isn't left as standing as if it's absolute fact about an entire group of people.
@@r8chllettersthank you saying and having the words to express what I am so fed up of I can’t even find the words anymore. I couldn’t agree more and you have it nailed. Just watch a couple seasons of Hoarders and you’ll see how they treat their kids like absolute shit and their attitudes are extremely narcissistic. It was sobering for me watching that show to finally “get it.” I for one have close to no relationship anymore with my parent and it’s broken my heart. It is nothing but rage and insults over absolute garbage. Meanwhile I watch other mothers sob how much they love and appreciate their children. Im my personal opinion if this was pre-1960 she would very well be committed since she doesn’t want to admit she has a serious safety and serious mental problem.
You nailed it!
Most people, even if they have good intentions, do NOT have the slightest idea of what a hoarder went through in his earlier life. It is really a problem from within, to begin with. And you are so damn right when you mentioned about 'emotional trauma'. Thank you for sharing your insightful knowledge.
My Mom was a hoarder and became so angry and dangerously unclean. But if we talked about it she stopped communication. Very heartbreaking.
My friend is the same way. If you mention it she will stop talking. She is now in big trouble with animals. She has excuses and blames others. This is so sad.
Keep the faith..Tough Love.Remind her that she's a slob and to stop it. haha
Separated husband is the same.
@@cathygoltsoff9615yup. My brother had a cat just over 4 years that was dying from terrible hygiene and being over fed. Saddest shit ever and he was saying he got the cat that way with dingleberries and all the health problems. Just have to clean clean clean and be patient.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that ❤
hoarders are building a safe wall around themselves and a world of their own. I know because I was a hoarder as a child. When I moved out of my childhood home I had my own private space and didnt need to build it with stuff anymore.
So glad that you found your own private space and that you feel safe in it! God bless you!!
May i ask when did you leave your childhood house ? I have the same problem and still live at home...
My mom has this issue and honestly I have lost empathy for it. When I was a kid I was never allowed to have friends over because the house was "messy" but I would often spend hours cleaning rooms to have it destroyed within a week so got fed up. I would also get told off for throwing stuff away, even stuff like plastic bags, containers from everything and egg cartons, junk she said is reusable. I am all for sustainability and not wasting but its another level. Obviously I am not living with her anymore but its still an issue and other family members are concerned. I thought since she retired she would take care of it like she promised but theres been no improvement and she bought a bigger house which I think only enables it. The garage is full to the brim with stuff including broken furniture she picks up off the curb to transform and put idk where since the house is full. I think she is a level 3 but becoming a 4 since there is so much clutter in rooms it is impossible to clean them. Dust and grime are becoming huge issues. Several family members have stepped in over the years to help organize but our time is wasted as its back to square one in a few months. She gets super defensive, refuses to throw anything away and told them they did not organize well so she could not find anything. I decided to no longer care or try to help at this point, I ignore it now and refuse to even help clean until the clutter is taken care of.
Hey i have the same issues with my mom, grew up just likd you. She also keeps empty trash containers like toothpaste tubes for no sane reason. If you want to talk i am here.
It's a mental disorder, you can't focus on the clutter, the symptom, to adjust the problem. The mom needs professional help, family support is good, but you guys are not therapists, you can just expect people to treat deep depression on their own, as it's idealistic to treat your mom as someone capable of handling her deep disorder on her own. All you can try is to make an agreement of the mom seeing a therapist, even in the house or she will have to face the autorithies since every hoarder house is a fire hazard. It's the help you can provide.
There is probably a reason...something that carried over from your mum's childhood. Sadness due to loss, loneliness, never socio-economic insecurity? My very agile sister had a busy career and then had a bad horseback riding accident in her late 30s, which left her quite handicapped. She had a long term relationship that fell apart and then I think she felt like "who'd want me with a smashed hip." She started hoarding, I think, as a way of coping with her pain (she was in medicine and refused to take painkillers because of the rise in addiction) and then came the loss of our dad. Even though he'd lived a long life, I remember her not taking it well; she never moved past it. After our mum died, and 3 of us tried sorting through our parents house in 2019, she did not want to donate anything. Things that had been earmarked for others, she was upset that she couldn't keep those things too. We used a dumpster to clean out my father's garage (he had hoarding tendencies also) and she would clamber up into the dumpster (with her bad leg) and pick thru what my other sis and I had discarded. She would pick thru donation piles...and remove 80 percent to the trunk of her packed car. She was visibly upset, but would try to conceal how angry she was. She died during the pandemic. Her house, which had once been so beautiful (she had marvelous taste in antiques and art) was a mess. She'd banned us (her sisters) from entering for many years....her "sanity" was reserved for outside the house - for neighbors, acquaintances, and former colleagues...people she could hold at arm's length. (we realized after her death, that she never let anyone get too close.....what did that mean??) The inside of her home was her insanity. Anyway, I'm so sorry for what you are going thru. It's hard to cope with a loved-one who is not functional (and who loves you more than your mother?) That's painful. I will never be over what happened with my sister - getting thrown from a horse, the mental breakdown, the loneliness and isolation. Four years after her death, was there more I could have done? If she were living today (I'm 3,000 miles away) I would just make sure she knew how much I loved her. That's ALL you can do for your mother. DOn't harp, don't plead, don't threaten...just put in writing how much you love her.
@@julieb7785 I'm sorry for the loss you've had in your life 💕 try not to blame yourself for things u can't change. Many hoarding cases (seen in family members) is it's been triggered from the loss of a loved one through death or getting a divorce. The therapist said they basically think "at least my stuff can't leave me" so they find comfort in that. They get attached to items especially if an item has a special memory or was given to them by the loved one that passed away, if they get rid of the item it's like they lose a part of that person again or that they don't care about them anymore (even if it's just a random item like a hairbrush they got as a gift). That's why it's not "just a messy house" to them. That's the case for some hoarders anyways.
@@julieb7785so sorry 💐
My cousin is a hoarder,and she keeps buying new things,you can’t move around in her house, her garage is a disaster, her house is probably not more than 700sq feet and it’s packed, she’s a coupon compulsive shopper, and she believes that she’s stockpiling for the end times.
😊😊😊😊
I’m project hoarder sold some items from cluttered big shed $500.
Now gathering things for ebay will list at great discount buyer pays shipping .
I had a neighbor who was a hoarder. She was a medical tech who made good money, but she blew it all hauling home stuff. She justified her purchases because they were from thrift stores, flea markets and yard sales. There were sofas stacked on top of each other in the bedroom. You could not see 25 feet from the front door to the window in the living room. This was a one bedroom apartment. It was really sad.
Shopping was probably her only joy in life. It's a social disease, and it's why they can't find a pill for it.
Isolation and stressful jobs always cause piles to accumulate. SAD also makes things harder to let go during the cold season. Once spring hits its like the mind can think clearer and it's easier to let go and problem solve.
My mom hoarded, a cousin died in his hoard. I toss stuff every day and I hate to buy things. Mess makes me uncomfortable. Tina, Al's wife
Children of hoarder have trauma with stuff, we always try tidying stuff, but sometimes if we dont have organize skill then we will have half-part tidy and half-part mess
Messy place trigger our trauma and discomfort and maybe shame
I do recommend read book Marie Kondo, it's really help me throw stuff
Some stuff is precious being kept and some that not, give away
Empty space like minimalistic idea is impossible and feel too cold and have no personality
My neighbour is a hoarder. She's literally next door. we live in rent studios, share the terrace. We are just an opposite. I love clean environment. so, I clean everyday. she's been always aggresive toward me and really make everything about her. She always complained to the landlord accusing me make her uncomfortable. I never talk to her nor greet her, never complained about her but she always point her finger on me doing this and that to her which actually her makr things up. Its going to be 4 years next month, Im in the point where I seriously plan to move out for my own mental health since the landlord has done nothing with her hoarding and her being aggresive toward me all the time.
You might want to look in to the housing laws in your area regarding what rights and responsibilities that both landlords and tenants have when it comes to an issue like this.
Further proof that this behaviour is a mental/emotional health problem.
Brave and generous woman to relate her experience with others in such a public way. 💜
Trauma and attachment.
It''s that simple.
My late sister had been renting out her lower level. She passed away suddenly and he has made the place so groos i cant even descrive it. He made a path for me to see it. The wrotten crap was as high as 7 feet. I was in shock to say the least. Unfortunately, I feel bad for him but at the same time it makes me angry. I called the fire marshall and they went to talk to him. He is slowly clearing items out. I have empathy for him and feel bad for him however he hasn't paid any rent since 2021. I have asked him to leave in 2-3 months as the house is now an estate.
You lose it all when you die...😢
That goes for money too. My parents horded money. In the end you loose it all.
Good point.
It could be more reliable than people. ALWAYS THERE.
That's very insightful.
The 'organising' excuse is exactly that, its just another form of denial and refusal to accept the hoarding is a problem. A person whose house is utterly dysfunctional does not need an organiser, all this is just moving the hoard about and the problem continues. Its like an alcoholic saying I just need to have a couple of drinks less each day , yeah good luck with that.
I agree. That was my thought too.
Exactly!!!
These "experts" treat Hoarders like children with their "softly softly" approach😡 it doesn't work!
I have a Hoarder friend of ten years I have tried "calmly" expressing my concerns...but she refuses to change or listen. She has a million reasons why she needs to keep the junk...and a million excuses why she can't clean up right now...yet I see her on Social Media out at parties and football games...when she could be home cleaning!
My sympathy is done. The hoarders are actual narcissists who "get off" on the attention their clutter brings...
@@MaleOrderBride exactly, a couple
Of weeks later it will be just as bad again - probably worse. Then the excuse will be the organiser don't do it how she wanted or didn't do it properly. Another excuse to add to the never ending list of excuses, nothing changes - the problem remains. The problem being this is a dysfunctional way to live, it is incredibly life limiting it brings no value, it is isolating and alienated the person from friends and family. It is not a problem of space or organisation - it is a problem within the mind of the person that presents itself as an irrational need to hold onto garbage and junk instead of a fulfilling life it is avoidance.
@55tranquility these "expert" psychiatrists never talk about the stress the Hoarder causes to all the Loved Ones around them...we are expected to just indulge the Hoarder and treat them like a baby ugh...I am done!😪
Loneliness
I’ve been this way my whole life and I’ve never had company. My Mom passed away who was also a hoarder. I have boxes up stuff to sell but because I have a major social anxiety disorder I’m afraid to be around people to sell stuff. My Mom and I had a shopping addiction bad. Now she’s gone and I’m that I’ve become unemployed and my fear needs to be overcome because I’ll die in this house alone because my family hasn’t been in my life except my Mom. I wish I wasn’t like this. I don’t know where to get help because I want to have friends which I’ve never had on my own. I’m between a 3-4 hoarder level.
My mother was a hoarder. Her obsession with stuff killed our relationship. She cared more about her stuff than her family. She died alone and all that stuff was thrown in the trash. That hoard likely killed her because she had a really bad mice problem and rotten food all over the house. My advice is to treasure the person/people in your life that you care about. Keep in contact every week, build memories. Being a hoarder is self isolating. I didn't even cry when my mother died. We didn't have a relationship, when I was a child or as an adult. I'm more sad that it was never better and thinking about everything that was missing.
You sound like you've been thinking seriously about this. Good for you. Maybe, if you can, hire an organizer? Or, a local (non-demoninational) church could perhaps guide you go some resources? Best of luck to you.
You sound like you've been thinking seriously about this. Good for you. Maybe, if you can, hire an organizer? Or, a local (non-demoninational) church could perhaps guide you go some resources? Best of luck to you.
99% of people watching this video are in the middle of cleaning their room right now and procrastinating lol. And also looking for something to justify themselves to not throw away stuff
I’m not cleaning
my room i’m watching this video 🤣 . I’m 3/4 hoarder heavy clutter for many years . many boxes of stuff project items and hobbies . Decided to catalog everything in categories and match on ebay to locate a seller local to sell to for fraction of what’s on ebay . I feel guilty to java a vacation and get away progress slow . Don’t feel i’m a hoarder but have discomfort . Ideal is to decrease about 150 to 200 boxes of stuff in 2 sheds and enclosed patio room .
Bless her heart. I know exactly where she’s coming from
That's very clever of Dawn to create scenrios using Barbie dolls. I'm sure there is a why to monitize on that.
I was a child of hoarders, it’s traumatizing. Hoarders are extremely selfish! I have no compassion for this mental illness!
I wonder if donating items to charity is a solution for some of these people. Or with documents, perhaps scanning them and saving them to a computer instead of paper form might work.
Photos on phone or tablet then to several micro SD . Also to thumb drive to take to Walmart and make a photo album .
That's a neat idea--but, looks like the majority of a hoarder's stuff is junk and trash.
@@janelleanderson6744
Ya you're probably right.
After thinking about it, I believe the problem is that they get emotionally attached to their stuff. People associate memories with physical objects. Like if you see your late father's old clothing or something like that. But these people have a similar emotional attachment to everything that comes into their possession. It's probably more complicated than this, but I think this is the general problem.
For some people that opens the door to digital hoarding
I have an interesting question.
Do you think that minimalism is the opposite of hoarding..or is a backlash of a sort to the idea of hoarding, because they tell themselves they dont want to be like that??
You can just tell that Joe is such a nice person. ❤
Hiring a professional organiser? Don't think that's what she needed.
Relearning ou learning organizing skills is helpful, even that they are not a therapist. The clutter exists, even that is a symptom, still needs to be adressed and dealt with.
One thing hoarders never think of is how their children or other family members are going to have to deal with their mess when the hoarder dies. They are in denial of the fact that we all die and then all our stuff is thrown away. Extreme hoarders are literally building walls around themselves to protect themselves from the outside world. It is fear based and can only be tackled by mental health professionals working with them.
Been through this and it's horrible. Heaps of valuable stuff mixed with literal trash. Watching family simply fighting over stuff they think they can sell is gut wrenching 😢
It all went into 2dozen large construction trash bins. We could have thrown away the original Magna Carta and not known. The volume of stuff was just too vast to sort through. Lesson learned. You can imagine what the cost of those bins were.
Aww shidd first lol mpls up next! ❤️ti
My parents did this while I was in the hospital for a month. My mother threw away tons of my artwork and clothes. Since then I don’t like to leave my house because I don’t know where anything is because what was kept was thrown in totes (unmarked). Since then I haven’t enjoyed life. My passion to create art I’ve Lost that. It was traumatic and my stuff was replaced with items I don’t even like in my home.
I hear you! I have lots of unorganized objects, my husband comes from a family of horders, he projects his pain on me and wants to throw away my "precious" belongings! We argue a lot about him only touching/cleaning out his belongings only...
Contact a therapist and personal organizer. Life doesn't need to be suffering.
@@t4t359 To me it sounds like they do live on their own, and while in hospital the parents thought they were helping by letting themselves in to "clean the mess".
It took grandma 30 years to finally stop hoarding, and only because she was forced to, when she lost her house
I'd love to see a follow-up video of her and if she's doing better!
God bless her
Dawn is a brave woman
Sorting my clutter clean home many piles sorting categorizing donations and many e bay items not worth listing for me under $25 value . Will search and find local ebay seller for free. Items over $75 value list
myself or sell to local ebay seller for big discount .
Listed items in clutter shed SOLD last week $560.00 cash .
Progress continues
I was looking at the website provided but couldn't find any cleaning tips on products which can be used to get a desire look
Oh wow, I wish my person's house was as clean as hers. His stuff is up to the ceiling, with a very thin pathway thru the house. Expired rotting food everywhere, unusable kitchen. Even his car is packed. Certain religions reward prepping & hoarding food, & he's in one.
I hoard happiness.🎉
I'm a hoarder. I like rocks and tools.
This is so sad.
So sad!🎉
I wonder is there a case that a hoarder parents make their child myshophobia/OCD?
(Sorry for my bad english)
It's me lol. I'm the opposite of my mom, uncle and grandpa who all have histories of hoarding. I want to purge stuff all the time. I have trouble focusing or enjoying myself if there are chores to be done. Even taking a break from cleaning when I really get into it stresses me out because I want to keep going until I'm done. I'm pretty sure I'm developing OCD around objects and cleaning.
@@MadisonEstes ahhh me too. My mom and her family (my grandparent, uncles, aunts) have histories of hoarding too. Now i can't stop cleaning and organizing even when people say my place is clean. That's why i wonder if that case is possible.
Good useful info. Thank you Dawn *virtual hug*
My sister had died in a home from a hoarder. There was hardly any room to bring in equipment. Lights were kept off so Firemen/Policemen wouldn't see the disaster and make a report.
Offer help out their,,instead of judging..o but it cost money lol
How will the world know she was there (here on earth)? That sounds self absorbed.
When a person has been severely traumatized, they have little sense of self or confidence. The pain is too great.
A lot of people fear not existing. It's possibly a coping mechanism for fear of death.
Our presence here does not matter when we’re gone. The less we leave the better. See Swedish death Cleansing rituals.
There isn’t a good excuse to become like this-and the people who do this are really just angry, looking to be victims and are attention seeking. The people they ultimately hurt is everyone witnessing their needless narcissistic behavior. These are rigid and entrenched people who refuse to allow problems to be solved as their pain is their anchor in life.
Where did you get your medical degree?
Ignore the "legitimate mental illness".... no, its jist a character flaw.
Why do you push your embittered opinion as if it's fact? It's 2023, and you've got access to a wealth of information.
@@kg6801 firsthand experience. Many people dealing with a hoarder in their midst work very hard to do the right thing and think they have failed when ultimately their relationship is in tatters and the hoarder keeps insisting on doing what they do. It’s not a failure on the part of the people around the hoarder, trying to help an obvious out of control problem. Someone needs to speak up on their behalf, something really missing in these shows. If you talk to anyone in the mental health profession adding hoarding to the DSM was not unanimous at all. It had been refused for many years for a reason. These people suffer from NPD usually with some OCD features but ultimately they are just very selfish, sado-masochistic people. Their living conditions are a rant against everyone and everything that didn’t go right for them. They are blaming, selfish and rigid people bent on harming everyone and often completely innocent people (elderly parents or small children) and animals. It’s disgusting and we need to call it out honestly for what it is. If you have a hoarder in your family best just remove yourself. Rescue anyone under their control including any animals (animal control will be glad to take them away). If you have power of attorney move them out to a very small apartment or a living facility where they cannot create a sizeable problem any more. Enough said.
I have many
project items duplicate camping supplies electrical supplies vintage electronic games and the list goes on to about 150 small home depot boxes . Clutter but clean home. Happy retired active have a extremely neat clean . But have too much clutter in my home . Nobody visits me because I visit them or not a entraining person like we see on TV people showing off their home on youtube or TickTock .
Might do that in a few weeks there is a light brown bear always in the parking lot or the yards at my vacation home . I can take videos . Often see them with cubs when i’m on the deck looming at the snow covered mountains .
My dad is a hoarder and I disagree! Stupidity and laziness
That’s not hoarding. I could fit all that into a couple totes. Pouring the tote out and not putting it back is just lazy.
That lady isn't really that bad
In my opinion, there is no cure!
The world doesn't really care eho she is and who she was untill this interview.
Justifying a mess.
Nope, these people have a real negative physical reaction when getting rid of this stuff (pulse and blood pressure rise, panic attacks etc.) and most of these people want to change but the anxiety and the amount of stuff becomes overwhelming. I've seen it and it's very sad.
Maybe people have financial problems!
does that woman with the voice fry even care?
Why does tje world have to cate about who she was. Especially with all that garbage!
It is a choice and it is something to be ashamed of.Don't play patty cakes with these fruit cakes. haha
So nothing but tell them you’re here to help? That’s zero.
I’m reluctant to buy anything ! Only get rid of things
My father would save a bucket of dog poop and try to convince you it was important ! How sad !
A saw a farmer today and he was hoarding sheep. There was like 500 of them. Why does he need so many sheep? Isn't 1 or 2 enough?