Session 11 | Katie | In Therapy with Alex Howard
Vložit
- čas přidán 14. 06. 2024
- This week on In Therapy, we learn that Katie is struggling with a difficult decision and feels that she isn’t allowed to be seen or heard in her emotions by those around her. During the session, I explain that yearning for emotional validity from others ultimately isn’t sustainable, and to be truly happy, we need to be able to be there for ourselves. Once we surrender to our emotions and truly connect with our authentic selves, we can make decisions from a loving and supportive place.
0:00 Welcome to In Therapy
0:48 Reviewing Katie's journey
1:54 Acknowledging stable patterns
2:50 Challenges in family dynamics
6:25 Addressing the inner child and blocks
11:26 Acting out vs truly feeling
13:28 Why don't people like me?
15:00 Surrender into the authentic self
18:40 Choices from joy
21:22 Held hostage, finding freedom
23:00 Surrender and tenderness
25:50 Alex's Top Tip: Go Gently
27:35 Alex's New Book: Decode Your Fatigue
Alex Howard is a London-based Therapeutic Coach dedicated to helping break the stigma around mental health and helping people make real, positive changes in their lives. Alex is also the creator of Therapeutic Coaching and founder of The Optimum Health Clinic and Conscious Life.
Subscribe and click the 🔔 to make sure you never miss a video!
Follow Alex for more:
Website: www.alexhoward.com
Instagram: alexhowardtherapy
Facebook: alexhowardtv/
Content is produced, directed and edited by Oliver Halls (Instagram: @oliver.halls) and Rachel Forbes (Instagram: @rae_forbes).
When Katie says 'what is it about me that people don't like?' I really feel this too. I think when you've had years of being told you're not worthy or you are inconsequencial and that nothing you do or say matters, I think that's where this thought comes from. I so resonate with Katie. It's shaking off 50 years of this conditioning. It's such a great thing she is doing because seeing Katie, helps me to realise that we are not who other people decide we are. You are ao brave and courageous Katie ❤
Oh Katie! I’m 59 and have soldiered through a similar journey. My heart is with you. Sending reiki love to comfort and send healing.
You are a Joan of Arc. I named my inner child. I went back to the hospital I was born in across the country for my 40th.
I am reparenting myself and learning to be ever so gentle . I even bought teddy bear soft slippers for myself in the gift shop of the hospital. I had a Chaplin organize our time.
You know, I had to set boundaries and end connecting with my parents, when they finally understood boundaries we have finally and gently forged and tender loving relationship. Just within the last six months .
You are the master of you present moment and your future. Breathing through moments of challenge and releasing your lower body. You have done soooooo well! I am so proud of you sister!
As you heal psychologically you will discover your body has been holding your trauma too in different spots.
I see you holding you pain in your lower abdomen as well as your heart. Deepening your yoga practice can aid your process to open your entire physical being ~ to wholeness .
The Body Keeps The Score ( book ) is a masterful explanation of our mind body connection and could play a role in advocating for your full and complete healing … which we do til our last breaths.
This I know~ I’m an end of life doula. When we do not resolve our heart wounds in life our passings can be extra challenging .
Choosing wellness, in each conscious moment is the greatest gift you can give yourself ( and your family) .
By living this new path you are modelling to your children that we CAN stand in a challenge and we can face adversity and even tragedy with hope that is ~ whatever happens WE will be OK.
I believe in ME and YOU!
You looked like a different person at the end of your session. Keep up the good work and you're so brave going through all this on camera.
I really appreciate Alex saying that being authentic can sometimes be harder than our previous ways of being. I feel that!
Such a strong,beautiful,amazing woman with a huge heart
Family can be horrendous!!! I would love to be there for Katie xx
Great advice..... Be curious..... Invite yourself to feel your feelings , allow those feelings in the space. Do what you can in the moment to allow what is there to be processed. So very very helpful.... You make the choice to open to the JOY...... Katie's healing journey is so inspiring and real that we all can relate to. So much insight as life is very complex, go gently in the process Katie you are doing brilliant work.
Great work Katie. I can really empathise with not being heard and never feeling safe. I hope you're able to make a decision about the party and feel at peace with that decision. I'm behind you every step of the way. Excellent advice Alex!
Oh my god! Well done Kate!!! (and Alex!)
This is helping me so much. A change in life circumstances has made individual therapy unavailable, just when I need it the most. Thank goodness these videos are here. Thank you
Wow. This is like glimpsing into the future of what I'm going to have to do in my therapy. Katie is so brave and I'm learning so much from Alex.
Oh Katie, you are amazing!! Absolutely identify with many of your experiences and emotions! Your certainly not alone! Thanks to you and Alex for doing this! 💕
Love these videos so much. The participants are so brave. Very excited for your new book!!!
Such valuable work. Well done guys.
When our needs and wants are a mismatch for the needs and wants of those in our environment , it can take a while to give ourselves permission to accept that we want different things than them, and then finally find healthy ways to be ourselves without any future need to judge ourselves, (or others) for not being the people we hoped we/they would be. We are then free to create new inner and outer safety...
Excellent. Well done Katie and Alex.
Wow, what an inspiring session, well done Katie snd Alex....❤️
Wow! This really resonated with me. I feel very much like Katie that I am at the coalface of a lot of repressed emotions and pain! As a child and younger person I felt that I was unable to feel my emotions and I too have got a nasty inner critic. You are both brilliant, thanks. I’ve got a find a therapist that can hold space for me. Is it any wonder that I have had chronic fatigue for over 30 years, even before it was an illness?! Sending much love to Katie, and thanks Alex. Have pre ordered the book. 💜
I have cfs for 27 long hard years as you will know the pain. My mother who is a narcissist brought me up to care for her and I wasn’t allowed to show any feelings just smile. That’s what I’ve done all my life smile when inside I am crying with all the anger hurt and rage that the people we love the most hurt us the most. Worst of all they don’t care so I at the age of 59 . I am just learning how to love myself as my parents didn’t know how to love anyone but their selves. Having no self worth or love for yourself affects every single relationship in your life and your set up for a lot of abuse, these videos have finally helped me see the truth and keep away from the terrible toxic abuse I have had all my life. Finally change my life for the better it is better late than never . Thank you Alex for all your hard work helping people like myself.
Really interesting episode... it's so difficult to feel safe when you feel as though people around you are hostile or judgmental.
Katie you’re amazing, you really are. I wish you could see in yourself what I’m seeing in you. Your journey is helping me so much too. Thank you.
This work is so beautiful Alex, bless your soul. Katie I am just like you.
Oof I felt that surrender, Katie, well done all!
Funny, when she went to the deepest layers…there was actually something quite childlike in her face !
I also find it very easy to resonate with her experience …
Good work ❤️
What an amazing session!! So brave. That was so helpful for me.
Well Done Katie for being so brave here xx
You are amazing Katie such a huge help to me
Brilliant and helpful to watch! So many important and universal concepts.
Wow that was a great session! I need to watch again.
Claudette. excellent skillful and tender❤ thanks Alex and Katie!❤❤
Katie, I feel your pain so deeply, because I have felt that too. xxx
Well done both of you
Alex I like the way you keep bringing Katie back so that she can identify her fexlings and how she is fexling in the moment. I strxggle to identify my fexlings going to therapy and can only find sadness and fear. I'm trying to work on anger but it's incredibly hard as I'm so defensive.
You are helping this 50 year old so much Katie. Im moving on july 11th. I will be brave for us both.
You would love to be divorced.
Thank you so much for doing this Katie, you are helping a lot of others by showing this to the world.
I am a woman who was diagnosed with autism at the age of 38.
I think you have a lot of signs of being neurodiverse/adhd/autistic.
It is normal to have a lot of anxiety, doing a lot of research on subjects, strong need for justice, difficulty in communication, a need to be in control, a feeling of being misunderstood and judged by others. Never being able to relax, because the autism/adhd has to be hidden behind a mask. Difficulty in defining and accepting ones own feelings, because others invalidate them, often feeling different than what others expect of you, feeling that others dont like you, but you dont know why. Behaving “badly” when autistic needs are not met.
Often it will help to be able to have alone time and being able to spend time doing what you love.
It is normal for a neurodivergent adult to have a lot of self loathing which gets worse through life. You can have a lot of depression and exhaustion, but these are symptoms and not the root cause. It is so hard to always be judged for being different.
I hope you will find a good way forward in life.
True, surrender and accept neg feelings to move on. Grieve, otherwise end up weaponising the feelings on self and others. Winning the war is giving in to the fight.
Well, Alex has asked Katie to ‘feel her feelings’; however, her feelings are not just sadness and fear. Anger and resentment at not feeling supported, are also feelings. Katie needs to honour and legitimize those feelings also.
You don't have to invite anyone you don't want to. It's about who is important to you... and who you want to discard.
Katie, I just want to hug you, and make it all better. Like me, you have been through so much, you deserve to be happy, you really do. hugs and love, from Jilly and Madge the rescue greyhound. xxx
Love to Madge from Bernard, our rescue greyhound 😊
@@nicolab2075 I sure Madge would have loved to meet your rescue greyhound, Bernard, love to you and him too, from Madge and me. xxx
Trauma gets stuck in the brain.
The limbic system and the amygdala actually re-wire...
The amygdala actually gets bigger
which makes us even more hyper vigilant and reactive...
SO HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW and WHEN
will I ever heal?
I am constantly in a state of frozen paralyzed trauma...
Do him and her have Evil Demons inside of their Souls?
Or do they just love each other?
And in their passion for one another...
He discarded me...
Is it as simple as the latter?
UNBEARABLE PAIN. SUICIDAL GRIEF.
DARKNESS. TERROR. PANIC. ALONENESS.
I beg to die.
Please, Lord, let me die.
I can't take this pain and panic anymore.
I'm so desperately alone.
I live in panic and despair.
I have SEVERE PTSD.
I am dizzy with grief and nauseous with panic and terror.
I'm so very very very alone.
HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?
HOW HOW HOW???
I trusted him. I loved him. I needed him.
He raped my soul and left me in darkness.
He gave me severe PTSD. Severe severe severe.
I live in constant panic and horrific terror.
Can't believe what he's done to me.
How could he do this to me?
WHAT! A! MONSTER!!!
I can't breathe.
I don't breathe.
I am paralyzed with frantic terrified panic.
I am submerged in darkness.
I am breathless and lonely and so very alone.
Debilitating paralyzing panic attacks.
They are almost constant.
I'm in hell. I can't find escape nor relief.
My soul is tortured and tormented and raped.
He raped me. On a soul level. He raped my soul.
I am in agony.
Anguished.
Haunted.
Panicked.
In despair.
I die inside.
The pain is unbearable.
I drowned in terror and darkness.
Nightmares all night.
Panic attacks all day.
When and how will I ever heal?
This happened to me in February,
and now we're in July...
I need a miracle.
A million little miracles...
His name is Bryan.
He raped my soul.
Viciously maliciously
brutally violently.
I thought he was my best friend.
He betrayed and abandoned me
and left me alone to die.
Replaced me.
Discarded me.
Like garbage.
Gave me severe PTSD.
So...
I release all chords, hooks, ties, and attachments
to him specifically, and also generally:
to any person, place, or thing,
on any time continuum,
that is no longer for my highest and best good, and healing...
I release all of these things now, and forevermore,
and I watch them dissolve into the nothingness, from which they came...
Thank you, thank you, thank you
- IT IS DONE! 🙏
And here are 13 gentle and urgent reminders:
1. You're ALWAYS exactly where you are supposed to be
2. Self-esteem is measured by you (nobody else gets to decide your worth)
3. Get rid of fear: FOREVER!!!
4. When things are tough, change the way you see things...
5. Don't dwell on/in the past (come back to this present moment!)
6. It's only temporary (all of it!)
7. You have what it takes
8. You don't need to change
9. Release your need for control
10. Accept. Allow. Breathe. Deep.
11. Remember where you came from
12. Remember that you are not alone (not ever!)
13. Remember who you are
GOD has a purpose for your pain,
A reason for your struggle,
and a reward for your courage/bravery/faithfulness...
Trust, and never give up. 🙏🏽
I'm walking into my victory!
Thank you, God!❤💯
Instead of saying: “what’s the worst that could happen?”
Let’s say: “what’s the BEST that could happen?”
I choose God's LOVE and MIRACLES
over the temptation of unbelief!
I surrender all the pain, the darkness, the grief, the misery, and the self judgement.
I am ready to have it all transmuted to joy, comfort, safety, bliss, miracles,
magic, beauty, happiness, strength, and aliveness!
AFFIRMING:
- I am divine
- I am sacred
- I am radically honest
- I am a warrior
- I am an angel
- I am light
- I am love
- I am one with the eternal
- I am one with my twin flame (we are magnetized to each other!)
- I am protected
- I am strong
- I am multidimensional
- I am grateful
- I am abundantly blessed
- I am brave and courageous
- I am creative
- I am resilient
- I am ambitious
- I am a healer
- I make the world a better place
The spiral is a helpful image (last episode)
Can’t watch this anymore, it’s too intense. I hope Katie will be fine.
💜
You have got to let go of the negative emotions otherwise you never get over anything, i have learned that the hard way! You have to get rid of them not project them onto others but its subtle because they get stored in the subconsious mind also.
I'm trying to get over the negative stuff, but it's near impossible. Therapy feels like I'm getting nowhere.
Hi Alex, are you able to let us know when the first intake for the Heart Programme is due to start, even roughly, wasn’t sure where else to ask? Many thanks~
Registration will open today, and the modules start from next week :-)
@Alex Howard Oh goodness, straight away, ok, thanks so much, exciting!
She is obvious surrounded by narcissists. You must see dr Ramani! Expert on narcissism ❤
When do we see another episode withKate?
Season 3 starts is starting 19th October, and both Katie and David will be returning alongside some new faces 👍
Katie how are you?
Is that it? No more sessions???
7.50. Its shame about her feelings in my opinion and fear they will be met with criticism. I think if she felt them Katie would weep, deeply weep. But theres a layer of panic that she will need to feel too. Shes resisting her emotions
11:25 the crying is not your actual feelings, the crying is acting helpless to be heard.
12:22 I agree that you dont allow yourself
14:03 people cant like you if you are not real. They cannot see you so how can they feel anything about you.
19:50 yep you dont feel safe to show your feelings
24:47 hes right here but its not sinking in
25:28 correct
It's the son's birthday! It should be his say whom he wants at the party. Maybe just his friends (at 18 it's ANOTHER generation, with loud music, beer, pot, etc...). Or friends and family (though a recipe for disaster in this dysfunctional family)... Or maybe HE WANTS just family - then let him contact his aunt to invite her to HIS party. Don't torture yourself with thoughts of what is proper, Katie. Do what is right and healthy for you!!! At this stage of your therapy you should now know that. Don't try to fix the world (and yourself) by killing everybody around with politeness and kindness - at least how you perceive it. What you see as kindness and throw on other people, to them might be suffocating. To be honest, if someone organised a Zoom party for my 50th, I would be furious (and uncomfortable with the Zoom guests, feeling guilty that I myself didn't invite them! [unless they live in Australia or the North Pole]). It's a few weeks after this event but you are still digesting it, reeling in dispair, blaming everyone else and begging for support. While clearly, you are not always giving space to others and you are constantly putting yourself in harm's way (mother, sister, now the ex...) Don't get along? - stay away. You don't have to be friends with your relatives, and if you feel you need to - sit down with them and try to express everything verbally, and not by actions which they might interpret in a totally different way - and have every right to. Sorry, had to get it off my chest, because I care for you, Katie, so much and wish you all the best. I don't want to see you in self-inflicted pain.
Is there anyone who sees she is blaming everyone...but not take responsibility for herself.
Kate … just a thought … maybe your mums reaction is her way of coping and shutting off because she can’t cope and hasn’t done the amazing work on herself that you have been brave enough to do for yourself… I think it sounds like she is taking what she feels is the easiest option… and unfortunately because your sister is harder to speak to it’s easier to just go along with her and try to sweep it under the carpet because your mum doesn’t want to be attacked … that’s not what you need or want to happen.. but I guess you can take something positive from it knowing that it is nothing to do with you or your sister even … it’s more about your mums inability to cope in herself maybe
I find that is really odd that if your wife is looking for help and to talk about something, you would dismiss it, makes me wonder if thats the right person for her. But I don't know the full story so.....
Omg, dont have a party. Make life easy for you. You and your husband can take your son to his favorite restaurant. Why do dysfunctional families want parties? He isnt 5.
Exactly. Goes for Thanksgiving and X-mas as well. Why on earth have a drunk uncle throw the Christmas tree out the picture window and fear what's going to happen for the rest of your fricken life and still invite him? (a story told to me by a friend before he just cut them all out of his life and lived a much happier life). So glad Katie made it to a similar decision.
It sounds like Katie was subjected to narcissistic abuse as a child.
Her mother sounds like a divide & conquer manipulator. My own mother would get visibly uneasy when me & my sister, occasionally , got on. I get qngry now, not sad. No idea if thats healthy. I was actually giddy with relief when i found out my mother died.
I hope she is in a better place 1 year on. 11 sessions in and she seems to be getting worse and now she's back with her disfunctional ex. Clearly she has never adapted to real life and I'm sorry but that therapist isn't helping much. He mentioned a couple of useful points but 11 sessions on she should be starting to change how she interacts with the world
I agree. Remove the narcissists and abusive unkind people from her life. It’s like trying to stand while someone is constantly knocking you over.
The husband is gaslighting and the way he speaks to hear is abusive! No wonder she feels like crap and soooo sad and unloved.
Her mother sounds like a divide & conquer manipulator. My own mother would get visibly uneasy when me & my sister, occasionally , got on. I get qngry now, not sad. No idea if thats healthy. I was actually giddy with relief when i found out my mother died.