Getting New Foster Placements: New Foster Care Placements And What To Expect (the drop off)
Vložit
- čas přidán 12. 07. 2022
- Are you wondering what it's like to get a foster placement? Or maybe you are a new foster parent and waiting on your very first call for placement? Let's talk about it!
We’ve been fostering for 5 years and have had 25 placements. Our newest placement came at 1 day old, in the bitter cold. We’ve never had one that young. They dropped her off with the diaper she was wearing, the onesie she was wearing and the hospital blanket. I keep packs of diapers in each size, but I had no newborn clothes or formula. She ended up struggling to eat and so we needed a special bottle. It felt urgent to get out and buy
her food and warmer clothes.
My dad was a foster parent from 2010-2015. The kids were all around my age, so I just showed them around the backyard and game room. I also grabbed them snacks. Quite a few of the kids were actually schoolmates. I kept their situation a secret and lowkey avoided them in school. To this day we still all hang out.
Edit: apparently it was both of my parents that were licensed but they divorced in 2015 so that’s when my dad stopped.
My first and only placement (our son who's now adopted) came with bags and bags of stuff from his previous foster home. They even gave us an outdoor plastic playhouse and a bunch of books and toys and Christmas presents since he moved in with us at around Thanksgiving time. He was 15 months at the time and he and we were truly blessed.
We haven't fostered any children since him, but we are looking to possibly jump back into it and realize his story is uniquely his and not necessarily going to be every child's story or experience.
My youngest son came with bags and bags. But so much of it was broken, useless, or stuff he didn't want. We gradually sorted through a lot of it and got rid of the junk. He's now long outgrown all those clothes but I kept a few things for him since we don't have baby clothes as he was 5.
And definitely---jump in! We have 400k kids in care and of those 200k kids needing to be adopting. No shortage!
I have a closet filled to the brim with different sizes of clothes for ages 6-8 years old I always make sure to buy very cute clothes for her too
Very informative. I’m about to be a foster mom for two girls 0-5 years old
I have had to rush out to get things 2 times. My first placement I didn't expect to have 2 kiddos in 5-point harness car seats so I was rushing to purchase one on the way to the hospital. My mother (god bless her) was stocking me up on diapers and snacks while I was at the hospital with the kiddos. I got home and my freezer was full of chicken nuggets. The second time was my 8th placement. I had sent all of my clothing items for a 2-3-year-old boy with a prior placement and hadn't restocked as I was only going to take older kiddos. During COVID I wasn't as picky and said yes. My mom had to meet me in the parkinglot of Target to watch my 1-year-old while I ran in to get items for the new kiddow showing up in the next hour.
Oh man! That's so hard. Thank you for sharing your experience because there are definitely scenarios where this comes up. I don't hear it a lot but I have one really good friend who said one of her placements came in just a diaper and nothing else and it was the middle of winter so they had to wrap him in a blanket and run him to Walmart. He was a surprise and I don't think they were expecting someone in his age range. So crazy
Thank you so much for the reminders to center your care on the child and for giving practical advice on how to do that!
8:32 I love this discussion of listening ears! I'm very sensitive to this because of my experience as an autistic person who has worked with autistic kids. So many parents, especially if the child is minimally verbal, will have conversations about their kid in front of them without seeming to really consider how it might feel for the kid listening to you complain about the way they act when they're overloaded or what kind of bathroom needs they have or whatever. One of the worst examples I've seen was actually in a public awareness campaign that outraged autistic self-advocates, where a parent talked about her thoughts of murder-suicide *in front of the daughter she contemplated murdering*. Even if the child is fully nonverbal, you can never be certain how much they might understand - most children, neurotypical or disabled, understand more than they can verbally express. And I can definitely see how the discussion of why a child is being placed with you could include information that would be harmful to the child to overhear, especially if it's stuff that they could interpret as a personal rejection (eg a prior carer who couldn't cope with behavior needs, a relative they like who refused to foster them, etc).
I just found your channel. Wow! Thank you for your content. 😭❤️ we’re starting our classes in February.
Yay! Great to hear! Keep me posted
Thank you. Started as kinship and am newly licensed.
My dad knew a couple who got into foster care who got their very first placement (a sibling group) as an emergency with zero supplies before they even did their home study. Which seems messed up and unsafe to me. IDK how common that is or if things have changed, since that was decades ago. My parents also fostered, but only kinship care, so it was a very different situation. (Planned visit with aunt & uncle turned into calling the cops on family because my cousin alleged SA, and the cops advised them to just keep the kids until a more permanent setup could be figured out - which turned out to be *still* keeping the kids.) My parents also had a negative experience as foster carers because their concerns weren't listened to and the therapy they got was not very helpful, and my cousins SAed me and none of their therapists picked up on the warnings signs (they kept needing to be reminded about who was who in the family, so IDK if they even remembered I existed). Part of me feels like I must be crazy for even considering becoming a foster parent after all the negative stories I've heard.
This was so, so good. Thank you so much for taking the time to focus on how the children feel when they are removed, I found this extremely valuable. I would love to hear more of your experiences as foster youth as well as as a foster mother with the children you e had in your care. I would also really love to hear how you discuss harder topics with your biological children when it comes to foster children. I have and 10 year old and two small children and my husband and I are in the beginning stages of getting licensed, and I just wonder what kind of more difficult conversations or topics have come up for your family and how you’ve handled them. I’m thinking more of the lines of children discussing trauma or some of the horrible things they’ve been through, or parents behaviors, things like that. I hope that makes sense, I’m really rocking the mom brain today. Thanks again for this video! 🤍✌️
It absolutely makes sense and it's a great idea! I always have an ongoing list of topics and there are some videos coming up about talking about some hard things. I will definitely make a point to talk about what you mentioned above specifically. I think biological kids unfortunately have the smallest voice when it comes to this whole foster care world and there's not a lot of resources for them so those talks are definitely important. I'd be more than happy to share that experience so I will make a video ASAP...stay tuned 👀😊
@@laurenfosters8487 oh awesome, thank you so much. I really look forward to it. I’ve searched around in books, blogs, and videos and haven’t found much so any experiences and information you are able to share will be so helpful. Thanks again Lauren, you’re great 😊
I am 8 years older than my brother and was a victim of CSA, and I remember how we told my brother about it. For context, the abuse happened between ages 1-5 and I was 6 when my abuser confessed, so this was a known thing for my parents well before we discussed it with my brother. We told him in stages - first, he was told that our cousins used to live with us but had to leave because they hurt me, and then around 7-8ish I think we explained to him that they hurt me sexually. Keep in mind that they run CSA prevention programs for kids as young as 4-5 years old that explain the basics of what CSA is, and those have been found to be beneficial and not traumatic for kids, so you definitely can discuss these topics appropriately with young kids. I'd say don't discuss the specifics of what any individual kid went through without their consent and giving them the opportunity to participate or not - I definitely appreciated that my parents had me take the lead in explaining to my brother what happened to me. But while preparing for foster placements, you can discuss with your kids some of the reasons kids might need foster care, in terms they'd understand. There are also books available about trauma and foster care that your bio kids could read to help them understand.
@@ettinakitten5047 thank you so so much for sharing, this was so valuable, I will check out some different books about trauma. I am deeply saddened for you and hope you’ve been able to heal from what you’ve been through. Thank you so much for your bravery in sharing. And I’m so happy you had such supportive parents to help you through this 🤍
This was super helpful- thank you! I was reading about how the bond between a child and their biological parents is so strong no matter what happened in their household with their biological parents. We have helped with a lot of foster kiddos but have never adopted. I worry about adopting because of that strong bond and that I might feel like I could never fill that void of the loss and grief they feel when they loose their bio parents. Do you feel that way?
Firstly, that bond takes time to form, so if you get a newborn or young baby, it's not a consideration - their bio parents will be strangers that share DNA to them. And shared DNA doesn't matter, it's caregiving during the critical period for attachment (roughly 9 months to 3 years of age) that forms that strong parental bond. Some kids won't have formed that bond at all because of the circumstances they were in during that age range, these kids are often the most severely traumatized and neglected kids (look up reactive attachment disorder and disinhibited social engagement disorder, those are common diagnoses for kids like this). Kids who did form a good bond once are better able to form that bond again once they're in a safe, permanent home for awhile. Of course it'll never be the same as if you were their caregiver throughout that critical period, but you can't change their past, only make their future better. If they're available for adoption, then they wouldn't be going back to their bio parents no matter what - it's just a matter of whether they find a new permanent loving home, or don't.
Can you do a video sometime on how you prepped your bio kids for placements? Also ages? We have 4 young kids but would be open to any age. Just wanted to hear your experience. ❤️love your content.
Great idea!!! Love ut
Please don't foster kids much older than your kids. I was sexually abused by foster siblings 10 and 13 years older than me when I was a toddler. Sadly, some kids who have been deeply hurt and traumatized go on to hurt others, and I wouldn't want that to happen to your kids.
I'm trying to build a small stock of things...but I don't want to store a lot of things...
Great video. We were licensed for 5 years. Took a break, moved, and now getting relicensed in another state. We had two placements before (long story) and one was a kid moved from another home---and the second was a kid who'd been in 20+ homes and had moved from a state facility. (Hence why we took a break from new placements for several years to get him settled...)
We're looking forward to starting the process up. I love knowing you're a foster mom who was in care. (I don't like the phrase foster kid or foster home. I always say we're a safe house and I describe myself as a foster parent but never describe the kids as foster kids... I don't mind the label on me but not on them.)
Great video.
We've moved and taken breaks as well. Love the term "safe house"
My mom or mom and I would be there when my aunt would sign papers. I was a teen and they needed someone "normal". Just there.
Hi Lauren. Thank you for your time and experienced information. quick question... Is foster care placement a permanent housing solution for youth or is placement temporary like respite?
It's both. It's a placement until the courts decide if a child is safe to go home to wherever they were removed from. sometimes that's quick and sometimes it's not. Sometimes a child can never be reunited with their biological family. Every case is unique and different.
What about parents who enjoy heavy metal music and ride harleys? Is this something that may prevent placement? I worry by having tattoos and not following the norm I could fail my homestudy. Is this an unreasonable fear to have?
I really don't think that would prevent you at all ❤️
I’m not abused but Im vary unhappy with the people I live with am I able to volunteer to go into foster care
You could certainly talk to a caseworker and see what they think. I'm not sure if you have siblings but it could affect them also. Usually they will not open a case unless there is some sort of concern about abuse or neglect. We (my brother and I) actually asked to be put in foster care at some point because we were in a really complicated situation but our mom had abandoned us at that point so probably a little different than your story. Remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side and foster care should definitely be a last resort. If your family is willing to seek counseling together I would recommend it.
@@laurenfosters8487 how would I go by contacting a caseworker and if I do will they keep our conversation between us
If there's a concern of abuse or neglect, you would call your local CPS office (it may be called something else in your area but should be easy to find with a Google search)
Are you sure your definition of abuse is accurate? I know a lot of people who spent many years thinking "I wasn't abused but I didn't like when my parents did X" only to learn that X was actually a form of abuse. Abuse isn't just getting beaten or raped, it's a lot broader than that.
@@ettinakitten5047 it hasn’t been physical since I was vary young but emotionally they have ruined me
My mom or mom and I would be there when my aunt would sign papers. I was a teen and they needed someone "normal". Just there.
When I was in care, I would just say to myself all the time "I just want to be normal".
@@laurenfosters8487 Always remember that normal is subjective. My family has always been creative, fun, and down right crazy at times. Foster kids at my aunt's had physical, emotional, and mental stability but life was not necessarily normal. During a house remodel when a wall was being moved one girl and I had to remove the drywall pieces from the shag carpeting with a garden rake and trowel. But she was getting a chance to decide how she wanted her bedroom to look in the end. Or when my aunt's in-laws made a surprise visit and she didn't know where she would sleep that night. Netting was stretched between sticks in the yard and we stayed up most of the night watching the fire eat away at the stump of the tree my uncle had cut down. Is any of this normal.
But I want to tell you and validate you that whether you thought your life before foster care was normal, it was a very big part of shaping the person you are. And that's okay. Use all of your experiences in life to become the best person you can be. All of your experiences. No one's life is perfect and as of this very moment I wish for nothing more than a normal life. While I talk about trying to help young people feel safe and adjust I myself don't feel like that was normal. So many kids I thought I had to fix and be friends with.
Sometimes I still don't feel normal. My life doesn't feel normal. I look around and I just don't fit in. So I hide. Do any of the kids I tried so hard to help care or bother with me. Absolutely not. Even worse, my family has walked out of my life. Define normal.