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My Anorexia Story
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- čas přidán 14. 11. 2013
- **TRIGGER WARNING**
This is my most requested video so I did it for those who wished to see it, as well as a way for me to reflect on my illness. In some ways, making this video was therapeutic. It helped me recognize how far I've made it even though most days it doesn't seem like I've gotten anywhere at all. There IS hope for recovery, but the length of recovery for every individual is different.
If you are recovering or suffering from an eating disorder, please DO NOT GIVE UP. Recovery is completely worth it. You are gaining your life back.
Stay strong and thank you for your unconditional love.
SKIP THROUGH MY VIDEO FOR THE PARTS THAT INTEREST YOU:
The presence of an eating disorder throughout my childhood -- 1:48
How the disordered behaviors began (grades 7-10) -- 5:40
How it really started -- 13:09
The worsening of the disease -- 23:15
The beginning of recovery -- 29:00
Hospitalizations - 36:09
Where am I today? -- 45:32
Tumblr: / clear-ed
Instagram: @clear_ed
Email and business inquiries: valeriecamai@gmail.com
Thanks so much for sharing this. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is everyday. I admire your courage and strength to make it so far though.
thanks :) xxx
You are so beautiful, I just spent those entire 48:48 minutes listening to your story and so did 39.332 other people who care. Stay strong, wish you all the best
thank you so much! xxx
everything about your story is exactly like mine. I too felt like i needed to be skinny to justify my problem, and all my friends were going on "spring break diets" so that made me restrict more as well because i thought they would be skinnier than me. And I ALWAYS set timelines like you said you did about having to be skinny by a certain date. Im glad you shared this because its good to know someone had almost the same exact problems and its comforting. I hope you're doing well.
Hi Valerie! I just wanted to say I think you're very strong and beautiful and you'll definitely get through this :).
Stay Strong💕Your Beautiful Just The Way You Are💕
sweetie!!! just stay strong!!! we are on the same page here! and i know that we can get through this. It may be there all of our lives, but we can control it. You are more beautiful than you know, more talented than you think and more loved than you can imagine!! stay strong!!
Thank you so much! Stay strong as well! :)
why is this in an “actual unintentional asmr”
hahaha omg I totally see that now!
I'm not really ready to accept that I have an eating disorder but my friends know I do. You are so amazing! You were strong enough to face the fact that you had a problem. I can't do that yet. I'm going to be home by myself all week and that means I don't have I eat! But I just wanted to say I love you for being so strong!
It'll come love. Just by realizing that your friends know you have one is a HUGE step in accepting that you are sick. Stay strong
You seem like a very smart girl. Stay strong, you've got a great future ahead of you
thank you xxx
You've grown so much in 2 years
you are so beautiful and amazing!! I always find myself on these pro anorexia tumblr sites and its sometimes really hard to resist the urge to be impossibly skinny. I am also a figure skater competitive for 8 years but I feel like I could have accomplished more if I had focused less on the way I look and more on the way I feel. Being in such a visually beautiful sport like skating definately shaped my view on the way a beautiful girl needed to look on and off the ice :/
I feel the same way about skating too! It's an amazing sport but it really has affected my body image too.
You're the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. You're so strong. I hope you get the recovery you want, and I'm praying for you. Even if you're not religious, I will pray for you. I love your video and you're so brave to share your story.
thank you so much
I am so glad you made this.. It's helped me and I'm sure everyone else so much. We love you!
I know how you said it was hard to be optimistic because youve been like this for so long. I was anorexic for 17 years and ive completly recovered now. Its been 5 years since ive completly recovered. I know you can recover too. Stay strong!!!
omg. this is admirable. you are so strong and beautiful.
I think you are so brave for sharing your story.....dont ever give up because you are stronger than you realise....
thank you so much
Valérie, vous êtes incroyable! Je respecte et je vous remercie pour parler de cela. Je sais que cela a dû être difficile. Merci, je me sens comme si nous étions semblables dans la plupart des choses dont vous avez parlé. Restez fort belle xxx 💕
I hope that things are going alright with your recovery and stay strong. I know it can be hard at times but if you look at the long term results of your recovery, not the short term results hopefully it will make it more bearable. Remember what you are going through now will only make you stronger in the longer term and I am sure you will make a full recovery.
thanks love xxx
This is not related to the anorexia part of this but this video helped me tell my best friend about my cutting and she helped me tell my parents. I am currently in therapy and doing well. I am slowly recovering thanks to your videos and just your positive energy. I am also staring to struggle with anorexia/bulimia but I will hopefully make it through with the help of everyone. Thank you so much :)
I hope u r on the road to recovery I am sure u will get through it hun xx
I have so much respect for you for being so open on youtube...plz keep it up cause u'll continue to inspire others
thank you so much xxx
Came across this video totally by accident. I've never really known anything about eating disorders except what you hear in the media etc. I just want to say, thank you for sharing such a powerful, moving story and being so frank and open about your experience.
thank you for watching ☺
I have so much respect for you. You have made it through so much. It makes me feel not so bad for feeling the same way when I was younger and today. You are such an amazing person. Stay strong and I hope your recovery will pass with flying colors xoxo
wow you're amazing! thanks xxx
Please don't feel like you have to "satisfy" us with your story.
That's just giving into it even more.
You're beautiful and special and you will get through this.
thank you so much xxx
So proud of you for sharing this to other girls! Sometimes i wanted anorexia just long enough to loose weight and i know that's awfull but your story really helped! I am going to sport and eat healty and stay on a healty weight xxx
STAY STRONG AND LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST BECAUSE EVERYONE CAN DO SOMETHING GREAT IN THERE LIFE
Wow. This sounds so much like my story. Wow love you, man. You're fab
Thank you so much for sharing your story, you are amazing!
Stay strong, valerie :-) I believe in you, i know you'll get better some day.
please stay on youtube and update !!!! your very strong
I'm not thinking of leaving :) thank you!
Well.. I've never commented your videos before, but I watched them all. Not because I don't care, because I was afraid that somebody would notice that I watch videos with this kind of topic.. I dunno.. Today I had the feeling that I need to chance this bad habit, because you gave your heart and soul in this video and I think it was really hard to open up and talk about all the stuff that caused your eating disorder.. actually a big part of your life. I just wanted to say that you are an amazing, strong and inspiring person and I'm thankful that you always share your feelings and thoughts with us. It makes other people feel less alone with their problems. I really wish you the best and hope you can continue recovery, step by step :) I'm so sorry for all my awful writing mistakes, english is not my mother tongue.. I just hope the message came through.. Stay strong, Love :*
Hi love, thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my video. I really appreciate all of your support
Vive Quebec! Btw youre such an inspiration... youre so strong and i cant imagine how much pain youve must of went threw... stay Strong youre beautiful.. love from Quebec
Oh gosh, I'm in IB right now, I can relate to the amount of work lol but hey, props to you for having the guts to get better even after all of this! xx
you are so strong , you inspire me so much . (:
I'm glad to hear I inspire you :) thanks for watching xxx
You are so beautiful! I have no idea how you could think of yourself as big because from what I can see you look skinny and I'm actually so jealous of how beautiful you are!But I do know exactly how you feel. I have anorexia but was forced into hospital. I was forced to gain so much weight and still had to after leaving hospital. I got so depressed and felt like no one understood how I felt. I am not as worried about food anymore or find it as hard to eat but if given the choice I would go back to how I was.I certainly am not recovered too, I am at a healthy weight but I hate my body so much. I have to see a dietician, doctor and psychologist frequently and am on anti-depressants. I am terrified of seeing people because I get so upset and disgusted when I see myself. It's like I have this bad feeling weighing me down all the time. I'm planning on moving out of home in a year but I know for sure that when I do I'll lose weight again. It's just that I was so happy, alive and confident before I went into hospital and only realised that after I was forced to gain weight. People don't understand that, they just shift my feelings aside and force me to gain unhappily. Being forced to do so has changed me. I'm not happy, I'm easily tempered and saddened and I feel kind of mean at times because I'm just so sick of being pushed around. Also I have to get to a pretty large weight (what I think is anyway) to prevent relapse and recover but no one is taking into account my natural body weight. Before I lost weight I too was in the apparently 'unhealthy' weight range but I maintained that eating whatever, now I have to go way above what I was. I really hope you read this, you are so brave and strong, I'd love to know you, you inspire me and the fact that you went looking for help and realised you needed it rather than being forced into recovery is so brilliant. You are just so pretty though, a lot of the video I was just wishing I could be as pretty. I hope you can stay as strong and wonderful as you are to make the best recovery. (sorry the comment was so long, I just really felt like I connected with your story/ how you were/are feeling)
Almost a decade later….I hope you are okay and doing well❤️
well done, i like your story.stay strong and take care, valerie. i like your vids
thank you so much :)
Poor baby xx I'm here for you
omg you´re so freaking gorgeous
aw thanks :)
I know what you mean when you say your disorder started when you were little. Mine too, even though I was a happy child. Then the depression came when I became a teenager and what used to be a concern about weight and food became an obsession. I suffer from such a long time now... So I'm beginning to think: maybe there are people in this world who just aren't meant to be.. idk normal? happy? I'm so sorry I really wish you all the best, I'm just so confused right know.. Today at noon, I'll know if I am accepted at the clinic. Again. But I will try as much as I have to. Thank you for all your videos
thanks for sharing your story love. I know sometimes we question ourselves but that's just the disease taking over. Stay strong xxx
This poor young lady should hear the lovely song Daniel Westling commissioned for his wedding to Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden who suffered from not only anorexia but also dyslexia. It is called "When You Tell the word you're Minel".
I think every girl needs a boyfriend like your ex. He was so kind and treated you so well. I'm so thankful for the way he helped you because you deserve to be happy, you're a beautiful girl. Keep fighting, I know you can get through this! xx
you are such an inspiration
You're probably from Montreal since you mentioned Quebec. I'm going through a hard time myself.. but thanks for sharing this!
I am! stay strong
The first thing that caught my attention was when you said skating which I'm a skater and I connected with this so much
SKATING
I can relate to so much of your story. I'm in Ontario. Lots of love Hun. Thinking of you. Xo
You Inspire Me ❤️ Stay Strong ❤️
you inspire me
thank u for doing this
SUBSCRIBED This Was An Amazing Story Girl You Keep Strong And I Will Too! Xoxo
thank you love :) xx
Your Welcome!
Your beautiful and don't listen to what people say...I'm not gonna say stay strong cause that doesn't always work but yeah
I know that this video is really old, but I wanted to put this out there for all young girls.
I used to cut as well. My mom was horrible and my family was (and still is) very dysfunctional. I never learned what self-love was until I found God’s LOVE.
He sought to fill the void of genuine love that I wasn’t receiving from my family, friends or romantic partners. Through a personal relationship with God, I slowly realized just how valuable and loved I am by Him! Even if no one is in the world cares, He does!
The Bible tells us that we are awesome and loved beyond our looks, flaws or shortcomings. The world judges by the outside, but God looks at our hearts. If you are reading this, know that you are loved and cared for by the One who sees your pain.
ur sooo pretty!!! stay strong
thanks :))
I'm 23 yrs. and I felt like that once before when I was in high school that is what started it. I used to lose a lot of weight and I still lose weight . But I would still eat too. I used too cut myself but that was when I was young I used to have a step mom. I still have a step mom but this is number 2 step mom and number 1 step mom used to hit me a lot and I would feel so depressed and I know I'm fine now . There's a better way to lose weight and still stay healthy at the same time but you need to find it on your own. I still feel the same way but I know what I'm doing. And you will be fine too. I'm saying this because I know how you feel because I was there once.
❤️ur gonna get better cuz u wanna i believe in u❤️
YOU ARE SOOOOO PRETTY!!!
I live in Montreal too omg stay strong your beautiful
Your not alone I feel the same and I'm 15 , nobody doesn't really know how I eat but I got to admit I'm obsessed I need help fast. ...
+Norma Valdez-Pena are you better?
You're GORGEOUS
Stay strong💕
you too
Thank you for sharing. I can tell you are a kind heart by your soft brown eyes. I pray you will be empowered to finish to victory! That you will have a true revelation of a healthy lifestyle and pass on the knowledge to others. While encouraging them too. I'm sorry your parents were not supportive, I know they couldn't understand what you were going through. I'm glad you were blessed with the support you did have.
But we have everlasting hope, His name is Jesus! All things are possible to you if you only believe. Maybe you know Him? He's known you and loved you before there was time. He will break every chain that binds, and help you overcome because He already has with His precious blood.
Much love to you and your journey!
Thank you so much for all of your support!
Thanks this video helped alot
stay strong
natalie metz thanks love
you are not alone
thanks love
do you have instagram ?! :)
Aw :( We have really similar stories...except I'm still around the stage you said you were at by the 14 minute point. That's how scary this is, that I still have 30 minutes left of story ahead of me. :/ But I'm a bit past the point of stopping, I know I can't and like you I feel like I need to justify myself. the only difference is that I had a bit of a turning point at the beginning, i went from anorexic tendencies to bulimic tendencies and now I suffer from bulimia or something.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. Tell yourself that everyone recovers though
It's like the self fulfilling prophecy, every girl up to puberty feels insecure with her body and then she sees anorexia, labels herself and starts displaying the behaviours more. I'm not saying it's imaginary or doesn't exist, I just think exposure to those things is a trigger
Could you do one with pictures? Like throughout your ed from beginning to now?
I could love for you to talk about your anxiety and depression considering I've gone through that a lot :| so yeh, just letting you know. :)
You're really brave and beautiful Valerie! Stay strong❤️
Ps- Im from Quebec also! Which part are you from?
I hope u get better love
You are sooo gorgeous!! :)
:) much love to you!
thanks! xxx
*strong
Hugs, Valerie. :-)
You made this on my b-day lol:-) :-)
Impressed that you knew you had a problem and acted before you got down to an anorexic weight . A normal BMI would have bin the perfect excuse for many to be in denial and feed there disorder . Also impressed that you were realistic about gaining up to ten pounds on doctors visits as a natural part of adolescence . Many girls would take a more extreme unrealistic approach . Did I mention too that you are beautiful enough to be captivated by for 48:49 minutes ? :) Best of luck
your camera keeps on going blurry set it to focus, but anyways you're a role model to me!
♥♥♥♥ Valerie Stay Strong ♥♥♥♥
Why do they all say "Don't watch if this is triggering" ? It won't prevent anyone watching it
I believe people can use their agency and choose to educate themselves about eating disorders and to make important decisions regarding their well being.
you are very brave
I was diagnosed with Diabeties and after people are diagnosed they are supposed to gain weight but I have kept losing weight and now I am 30 pounds underweight. I am 12 Almost 13and I am 5'8 and only 100 pounds! So I still have trouble eating and I keep getting lectured by my grandparents and they keep telling me I am going to go to the hospital and they keep threatening to send me to the hospital when I won't eat. So I don't know what to do know. But that's my story.
I'm sorry you have to go through all of is :( If you need more support don't hesitate to message me xxx
Ok Thanks So Much!
I love your shirt! where'd ya get it? (:
btw your so pretty & skinny I'm jealous 😭 I wanna look like you
Can i ask where you got your sweater??
And did you go to CPA for skating?
You are beautiful !!! So pretty!!
thanks :))
Hi Diana!
How do u post a profile pic on CZcams
You look so shy .-. shocked for a girl so pretty
im currently being treated for anorexia & its the hardest thing you can ever do ):
it is :( BUT I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
thank you ! ive gained two pounds & when i was going through this i was 15 lbs ligther so im making progress slowly
Wow I'm so sorry I have 7body problems 1 I'm not going to say cuz its personal but let me say them I was born with a enlarged heart anytime now I can have a heart attack and what makes it worst I was born with an indention in my chest and a feet problem and scullioses which is a back problem and I have a nose problem with a vesel inside my nose so my nose is very sensitive and it will gush out blood for 1hour or not straight blood clots out of my mouth and nose I can die from that from a blood clots to my brain which I wish won't happen and a eye problem and I'm very weak I take pills I forgot what its called but I have lines on my legs and I always feel dizy and I always feel like I'm going to collaps.
Sorry I ment it will gush blood clotts not not..
You're very beautiful. Stay stormy!
Our stories are the same basically
Hi everyone, I'm doing research at Binghamton University. If you are a caregiver or know a parent of caregiver of a young person (10-24 yrs) with an eating disorder/had an eating disorder, please pass along this survey:
binghamton.qualtrics.com/jfe/preview/SV_8ByK0ZVbXaC442W?Q_CHL=preview&Q_SurveyVersionID=current
We're investigating the emotional impacts of the ED treatment process on parents/caregivers. (Hopefully we help a lot of people if people who have been in their position take this survey; I've gone into treatment for an ED and know how taxing and painful it is for parents).This is b/c caregivers for this age range have a very involved role usually, but little to no research has been done on caregiver trauma, or how to better support caregivers in the treatment process. I know from personal experience how hard caring for an ED child can be on parents (from my parents' experiences with me). Please pass on this survey this summer or fill it out yourself; you'll be helping loads of future parents and caregivers
Ur so inspiring
thank you so much!
How did your parents not notice your weight loss?
my dad didn't care and my mom...idk she didn't look at me enough I guess :/
aww.. as soon as i lost about 5kg my parents were on my case..
WOW!!! You are very cute!!!! I love your bones!!!!
And I'm 12
13:45 that is literally me right now...o_0
You're so beautiful and very sweet !!
I wish I was as pretty as you
Youre a really beautiful girl :)
You kinda resemble Cassie from blogilates, or am I wrong? :)
Stay strong!
THAT IS A HUGE COMPLIMENT THANK YOU
No offense but your one friend “sucked”. Showing you proanna content and self harm..!? What the hell!? I pray my kids don’t have a friend like that. I’m sorry she did that to you.
Im also incredibly sorry your mother made those comments to you. It hurts my mama heart to hear that. I would never! Even if my kids were obese, i would never say it like that. Id encourage healthy choices with balanced meals. If workout with them. Get them into sports of their choice. Whatever it took but i would never tell them to lose weight.
Im scared for the future as my daughter is nine and teeny tiny. But she already says “look at my abs. If I eat that I won’t have my abs. Ill get fat” i always have to reassure her treats are ok. We just don’t eat them as meals. But its all over media and everywhere you look, skin and bones women. She already see it. Her brother is a wrestler and cuts weight for tourneys and she latches onto that too. Saying he’s allowed to lose weight (4-5 lbs! Nothing drastic!) idk how or even if i could prevent something like this from happening i just continue to reassure her that she’s gorgeous and I love her any shape. She has value at any size. It’s the person you are that matters.
It’s been 8 years since this video and I see it’s still a battle for you but you do seem much healthier. I hope you get the recovery you want.
wow thank you so much for sharing this! I work with children, and I'm scared for their future too. I like to think that if I can be one positive role model in their lives, and show them that value is within a person, no matter their weight, maybe future eating disorders and body image issues can be prevented!
Listen you are butifull and don't let any one tell you that you arent and when you where you younger people should compared to you and your ex is amazing
thank you thank you
Stay Beautiful