Procrastination Explained by a Psychologist
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- čas přidán 31. 03. 2019
- Procrastination is a process of self-sabotage. To know how to stop procrastinating, we need to break the cycle of self-sabotage.
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Dr. David Maloney is a Psychologist and a therapist/counselor. His has trained in a variety of techniques (person-centered, Gestalt, ACIM, psychodynamic) and works with people on a wide variety of issues. His main areas of expertise are in self-esteem, motivation, self-actualization, spirituality, relationships and dating, overcoming procrastination, and living authentically. If you feel like you're are holding yourselfback in life, or just need someone to talk things through with, his online coachng service might be perfect for your needs. From the comfort of your own home, you can work with a highly trained and experienced therapist, and for a price that is highly affordable. Prices are on a sliding scale, so if you are experiencing financial difficulties, you can still work with David. Visit here to contact Dr. Maloney today: www.drdavidmaloney.com/skype-...
Dude are you for real? U are uploading videos for 3 or more years with so few views. I cant believe your persistence. You are a beast hope your channel takes of soon
Thanks for the encouragement my friend. I don't worry too much about numbers (obviously!). If I enjoy it and some people find them useful, that's more than enough 👍
This ONE person is very grateful.❤
4 years I've been trying to watch this
I never came across a better dissection of the deep roots of procrastination like you did Doctor, thank you so much
So very welcome Assia. Hope it helps you with any changes you're working on.
Never. Most other therapists try to half asz convince u.👍 wow.
As a chronic procrastinator,I cried watching this. When u talk about self respect , self trust I literally cried
Thanks for your feedback and sharing!
I didn’t want to procrastinate further by “researching” and watching lots of videos. I picked your video… you looked friendly and sincere. I listened to you while doing dishes (procrastinating, LOL).
Your message of self respect really resonated with me. At age 62 time seems to go by so quickly! I certainly don’t want to disappoint my future self, or continue to break promises to my current self!
Thank you!
Awesome! Thank you!
This is brilliant. I always procrastinate but never thought of it as a consequence of letting myself down.
This is gold! Respect is so fundamental in any relationship. Usually procrastination is explained at such a shallow level, but this really hits home. Great insight Dr.!
Thank you Tsholofelo. Lovely to hear such positive feedback.
along with this anxiety of not trusting we will follow thru, comes intense guilt, anguish, pressure to do it..... these are all the things we are trying to shove away, delay or put off...not the actual task, but these unpleasant emotions we associate with its execution and completion
Thank you so much for sharing this with us!
I started reading a book by Walter Riso called, The Right to say No. In this book it says people who are not assertive tend to procrastinate. And that has opened my eyes about why I’m procrastinating! I’ve been lacking confidence to stand up even agains myself.
Self-respect will definitely be key in this process.
Greetings from Cancun, Mexico 🇲🇽
What a great comment! Thanks for sharing this excellent insight 🙏🙏
This is gold!!!! This comes up in mind everytime I start something new. “ I will fail to follow through”
So glad this helped with some insight!
Thanks. This was a very insightful video. I think the most profound thing you said was that if you trust yourself, the fear will go away. Much of my problem with procrastination lies with uncertainty, fear, self doubt, and not being able to trust myself that I can do what I think I should be able to do. I think I understand now that if I can be honest with myself and trust myself, I can be in a much better place to do things without the fear of failure. Thank you again.
Most psychotherapist don't have the insight and understanding that you have on this problem. Your explanation is the best I've heard and the most helpful to me. You are awesome! Thank you!
Thank you Liz. Appreciate the positive feedback a lot 🙏
Fear: I will fail to follow through
Voice: I can do it later
Promise: I only make promises to my future self that I know 100% that I'm going to keep and I intend to keep.
Consequence: I will not follow through TODAY.
Problem: Failing to follow through AND making another plan.
Important: Realise the goal/deadline/work isn't the important thing, the
important thing is the self-trust and self-respect I give my future self.
Thanks for the great summary! Love it.
Basically you acknowledge you ve fucked up
And instead of beating up on yourself , you forget about the whole thing for the rest of the say
AND START AGAIN THE FOLLOEING DaY AND IF YOU CAN FOLLOW TTHRU
You forget about the whole thing
Basically you stop beating urself down, you stop showing disrespect for
yourself
Claude boisvert
Trois rivieres
Canada
"Respest your future self"...🙏🙏🙏
love how low self esteem is incrimental.... but hi self esteem can be almost instantaneous, depending on how we process the info imo... thats some of the best news of this stuff
Great observation. It is good news for sure!
This is an incredible explanation of procrastination, thank you. The anxiety of uncertainty and disappointment in breaking promises wears you down.
Very welcome and thank you for watching!
Using this to procrastinate finishing my short story entry rn? LMFAOOOO i hope this video resonates truly
This video is ABSOLUTE GOLD. The thing about self esteem is SO true - because we all have an inner compass of self integrity, and if we violate it we feel guilty, and guilt leads to a lack of self belief which leads to further procrastination.
SO bloidt brilliant!
Very well put John. Absolutely agree with the inner compass of self integrity 👍
after watching this I felt so sorry for myself so glad i found this before its too late
That's great Jess. Life can be very different once this issue is addressed.
This message and understanding of procrastination is phenomenal. I’ve only ever read and heard very superficial ways to explain it and how to resolve but this got straight to the route of the problem and the genuine raw pain it causes.
This will sound utterly ridiculous but since moving into my new home I’ve talked about and wanted to bake but I always find excuses and reasons not to. I want to have delicious cakes for myself and my friends but I almost haven’t felt I could be that person or deserved the homely feel that baking gives. It got to the point where I’d buy all the ingredients and they’d slowly go off as I promised myself I’d make the cake in a day or in another day or when I had more time. It was such a vicious cycle that I stopped even buying the ingredients as the physical proof that I couldn’t even follow through on baking a cake was so guilt inducing and shameful. It was ridiculous and I almost gave up as I felt like I could never be that person. My feedback loop was so strong that I didn’t respect my future self. This week, I bought ingredients and this morning I set a time to start the recipe at 8:30am. Do you know what, with the knowledge that I COULDN’T do it today if I didn’t start at 8:30am actually made me turn up early!!! I started baking at 8:20am as I was so conscious of the consequences! This kiwi cake may taste rubbish or be underbaked or over but I could not be happier!!! I did it and it’s all thanks to you ❤️ thank you. #respectyourfutureself
by far this is one of the best videos I saw about procrastinations. this is quite detailed in term of dissecting the root cause of the problem proposing a serious solution and also a roadmap that is based on responsibility of the individual to take action in addition to the way you simplified. this was totally different than all other videos I've been watching for a couple of years now about this topic. thank you for the enlightenment. thank you for the time and thank you for the sensitive explanation for this for everyone.
Most welcome!
Thank you so much for this video. It was heartfelt to understand it is about respecting myself. Understanding the mentality that happens every time I put it off and keep saying, I will do it later that day, only to resent myself at night for not following through. I want to thank you for this understanding. Ngā mihi nui.
You are so welcome!
Hello, I noticed a problem it was, I could start the assignment, but maybe only work on it for 10 - 20 mins. Then, I procrastinate again as I would feel like not doing anymore even though I didn't do much in that time.
Do you have any thoughts about overcoming only 10 - 30 minutes of study? After watching your video, I started when I said but only did limited study, then stopped for the rest of the day. So, starting isn't a problem now. It's spending a bit more time on what I am doing has become a problem. 🤔
Thanks
this is amazing, thank you!
This video is fantastic thank you so much for making it :)
This video soo good that I liked it and subbed instantly
This is great. I get it. Thanks
Thank You sooooooooo much. You helped me so much. Your videos are awesome 👌
Thank you! I’m going to try that for the next few days and report back. This seems like a fantastic system for dealing with procrastination.
Very welcome indeed 🙏
Dissected it like a boss. Well done. Thanks.
thank you.
Amazing video
This is so useful and unique explanation thanks ❤
wow. I really enjoyed this video.
Very good.
I'm gonna start trying this technique today
I love u!!!! "I believe and I trust my self! I'm committed to show up for my future self" ♥️
Like hearing this 👍
loved this video David! really made me aware of how I completely distrust myself when I make a commitment. AND you gave a practical way to break the cycle. Will try this, thanks so much
So welcome Gabriel. Let me know how it goes!
@جعفر سعد جوادyes and no. i have let go of the identity of the procrastinator. from where i have come since leaving this comment, i can only recommend present moment awareness (meditation) as the "solution"
thank you for your sharing i have never thought of it in this way~ this is very helpful it's exactly what i need!!
Very welcome Tiffany 👍
This was super helpful! Thank you so much!
Thank you Berna 👍
Thank you, absolutely brilliant insight.
Very welcome. Thanks for watching.
So glad to have found your channel!!!
Thank you Mary. I'm so glad! 🙏
Thank you for this video!
You are so welcome!
I'm only halfway through this video and you already spoke so much truth... it's like you're in my head. wow
Glad this is helpful La Xi :)
thank you for this video. this explanation is amazing.
Thank you Alexandru 👍
It does make sense! Thanks for your video!
You're welcome!
Very helpful. I have This issue now and it’s very difficult really
Amazing video ! I will start implementing this today !
Thank you Lee. This changed my life completely. Let me know how it goes :)
Interesting. Really interesting!
Many thanks. Hope it was helpful!
Thank you for helping me understand myself better. I really appreciate your videos.
You are so welcome!
Thank you very much for the clear explanation... this really sounds very logic
You're very welcome!
Wow! You blow my mind!❤❤❤❤
Thank you Elena!
So many videos focus on what procrastination is, where it comes from, and how it affects us. While those are informative, we chronic procrastinators need a _strategy_ to overcome it. I think this video may have provided that strategy, at least for me. I know I procrastinate. I know I'm a perfectionist. I know I have low self-esteem because of those characteristics. However, I never really looked at my situation like a relationship with myself. I would never stand up someone I truly care about, so why should I fail to show up for my future self? I'll try the technique in the video and, hopefully, remember to post a follow-up comment.
Definitely let me know and keep me updated. Great to hear you're open to trying new approaches 🙏
What a great explanation! Very clear and effective, as it should be.
I am sure you will help so many more people with your content. Greetings from Brazil!
Hi Ayrton. Greetings to Brazil from Ireland my friend. Let's hope so 🙏
Thank you! I loved the book tooo
I'm so glad! Thanks for your support.
thanks for this valuable video, I hope this video would be more on seen, thank you thank you
Glad it was helpful! 👍
This is so smart -- thanks for the video.
For me, I get addicted to the euphoric moment after I miss a deadline and make ambitious plans for the next day. When I know I don't have to work on something for the rest of the day, and the deadline isn't until tomorrow, I feel good about myself, which is so counter-productive. In university years ago, every paper I wrote was written the night before. I would do research and so on for weeks before, but the act of writing the paper would only take place the night before, in an all-nighter fuelled by cigarettes and listening to music. I found it impossible to do a first draft weeks before. And yet, I would always get good marks, so I tolerated this state of affairs. Part of me always felt sad that if I had really applied myself, I would have done so much better for myself. Your tip about respecting yourself would have helped me so much. Will try it out today. Definitely sounds like a smart thing to do.
I resonate with so much of your experience. Definitely give it a try. It can really make a massive difference 👍
I was like you at school, how's it working out now?
@@Thefunksoulbro I can't say I've dislodged the habit. I think it has something of a genetic basis because my father is the same. He always puts everything off, never makes a decision unless he is forced to make it. But he is also a worrier, so it could be a coping tactic he passed down to me. So frustrating.
@@voyowee See Bob Proctor and Bruce Lipton they may change your mind 🌈
Guess this is me, im chronically procrastinating and i dont trust myself, i can’t stand it anymore
Such realistic and valuable content. Very enlightening, thank you for sharing!
Great video thank you man
Glad you enjoyed it 👍
Thank you again Dr David, talking about future self if you are having a great experience. It won't hurt to send some positive energy to your future self.you might enjoy Atomic Habits James Clear. And The magic of thinking big Dr David Schwartz.
Thankyou so much
Very welcome friend ✌
❤I can't thank you enough
This is good! You should do animations and show us a few examples. Thanks
Watching this in Jan 2024! Great video. My future self thanks you 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Wonderful! Your future self is most welcome 🙏
so the ultimate life goal is this relationship with urself. and the only way to have a good relationship with yourself is to make and keep commitments. and the bigger the commitment, the better the self esteem. i think the best commitments which most turn u into an adult are the ones which make u financially indepdent of ur parents..not of ur spouse if u have kids, but of ur parents for sure
Interesting thoughts and reflections. Thank you 🙏
I belive you 100% yet I do exactly this by nature. I don't "do it" and i don't "do it later".
But instead i just get apathetic. I don't "do" at all. I refrain from even scheduling.
Look to your identity more, less so your behaviour. Questioning 'who' it is that either takes action or does not take action might prove very useful.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy in working on this today as a test. I get heavy brain fog at times and it usually derails me. I'm also trying learn annoy l about that as it has caused me so much trouble. It's from ACE and i don't quite know to address it correctly
💯 Sir
Thank you Doctor! Thanks for letting me know the root cause of Procrastination and how to overcome it, I am definitely going to follow it from today and will contact you again when I start getting results out of it or when I have some question. Thank you so much. God bless :)
Love it Vedpriya! Building self trust is a gradual but incredibly powerful process.
Hey Vedpriya, did you get any positive result.
great
content
thank
you
man
u bec anx
do it later
show up
serv oth
keep promi to fut self
aware
Many thanks ✌️
12:56 woah. I really needed to hear that
Glad it helped Howard!
I am definitely going to implement this.
I have 1 question though
You said that when you fail to keep your promise to your future self, you don't do anything related to that goal on that day and hence you don't make any more false promises to yourself.
My question is, if i do start the next day, won't it be as if i procrastinated the entire previous day just because i couldn't start at one point of time?
Hey thanks for creating this I love it. But how about with mental block? Is this relate with procrastination as well? Coz when I wanna learn or study anything but I feel lazy and procrastinate that. I'm still confused why I'm like this. And a few days ago I'm curious to search in the internet about this problem and I found that maybe I'm experiencing mental block with that., In the site mentioned that maybe I'm in the past or the first time try to learn that and fail and I can't deserve my failure and that's why I become to feel lazy and procastinating when the next time to learn that again. Is it true can u help me to solve my problem pls?
not me watching a video about procrastination while procrastinating
👍
when i was younger they had something called tv...pre-cable. a program i liked would come on and every 15 minutes were commercial breaks. my mom taught me how to "commercial clean". Watch my show and when commercials came on start cleaning up or vacuum or do some dishes and when Bewitched or Hogans Heroes came back on, sit and enjoy it guilt free and when commercials came on I'd start again. I put stuff off till an undefined LATER then rush to finish on time. any tips?
Thanks for your video.
What happens if the things i am procrastinating on are difficult because of self worth and doing the things I am procrastinating about will dissolve my self defeating narrative? Thid is my conundrum!!!
If i sold the 3 cars collecting dust for example, i would have over 100K to transform my life for the better but my deep seated self loathing doesn't want me to succeed or transform/change! Change equals terror in some ways.
I would love your help if you could do online sessions as i live in Australia.
I thought punishment would be better if i didn't honour my word to put that ad up for selling items, well then i couldn't watch Netflix that night???
My fear is not I won't follow through, it is a fear of experiencing pain, this is painful to go through it, fear of pain and want to avoid it.
I think I have another video called "procrastination is hard work' which may help with a few insights on this.
What if due to some important work I don't show up to future self then this technique can be less effective otherwise this is so wonderful technique. Like in my case my family member or anyone else call me or ask me for some kind of help. I haven't seen your all videos may be in those videos have solution to this problem.
Hi Harman. I discuss that in detail in the book. Let me know if you need any clarification on it.
After wasting most of the day, I'm using faster playback so this guy doesn't waste my time!? 😆😒
very good, very useful. I actually started to apply the method today - without procrastinating! :)
Great Marcin. Love to hear this.
Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’
so this is about implementing a consequence. is there a way to implement a unique reward ?
The idea is that we already want action. We're all trying to be achieve it. So, in a sense, that is a reward. But, my approach is that the rewards (fun, guilt-free play etc) should be ever-present and not contingent on performance. Make sense?
procrastination can be a trauma response stuck in freeze mode😪
Agreed.
Out of interest, do you find that people tend to procrastinate on specific things or does it spill into their whole life? In my day to day job, I work very hard and I think I can do my job very well. I am also expected to do research which is difficult to find time for, is very new skill for me, and which I have very little confidence in. I will often do everything in my power to procrastinate and find excuses to not knuckle down and just do it. Other things such as chores around the house, exercise etc I generally don't have an issue with, but writing and doing presentations are usually reserved for the early hours of the morning when panic sets in and sheer willpower is required.
I don't really understand the concept. If I don't really trust myself to respect my future self, how does it help me follow through tmr if I don't let myself do what I planned for today just a bit later than planned? If I skip tmr as well then what?
👍
so we need to understand "i cant do it later"
I don't know if I've been doing this right. what if you have multiple things you want to do on a list? If you fail to follow through on one of them, you can't work on the rest of the different things for the rest of the day? Or do you recommend being able to still do the others but you just can't do that one activity you failed to follow through on? For example suppose I wanted to go to the gym first and then study but I failed to follow through on the gym... Do I then not go to study as well? Also, how should you plan your day with this method? Do you recommend just scheduling one thing at a time?
Will make a video response to this as it's a great question! Will be up in the next day or so. The short answer is that you take one thing at a time. If you procrastinate about the gym, then that's out for the day. You can still attempt to study. The video will be on setting priorities as away to stay motivated.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy Thank you so much for the prompt reply and the wonderful technique! I've tried everything, including minihabits, but, I think this will help me more. I thought of another question though... If I start out with 2 (gym and study) or only 1 thing like you recommend, when do you think I should add another thing?
For example, if I've been studying consistently for a month would it then be better for me to add gym? How long should I wait before I add something you reckon?
@@rati8989 Focus on one thing. Do it well. Use that positive momentum to flow into secondary priorities. They should be done for fun primarily!
@@rati8989 Will address this more my friend in videos!
what if im procrastinating getting out of bed?
I’m at 2:06 and probably my greatest fear to sum it up is failing.
👍👍👍
I sometimes notice a brief moment of indirect, vague little gleeful vicious contentment of having failed and lost myself. Is that self-hate or the adversary of man (Devil) showing up? Or the Pain-body? The shadow? I want to sometime have energy and ´time enough to examine that bastard, because it is BAD and maybe not as small as it seems. Maybe it is just the top of an ice-berg of grounds for my self-sabótage.
Great point Claudia. I notice this too. Many of us do. I like the 'Pain Body' explanation. Or I think of it as the satisfaction of the false Self. If we are noticing it, of course, it means it can't really be the authentic self.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy Thanks for your response. In regards of those inner roles or self-representations (I don't know the term) of Inner Child, Adult self, could it be part of a sick, toxic, evil, too strict Ûber-ich, or Bad Parent? It definitely collaborates with the dEvil.
Have you heard (or read) the well made audiobook "Outwitting the Devil" by Napoleon Hill? Where the man forces him to reveal his methods and in what ways he ensnares and enslaves us. It is chillingly accurate and performed in a warm way that makes it bearable and staying in the Parasympaticus.
In case you are not familiar with the dEvil, it is easy accessible on YT.
How would this technique work when the problem is that you're procrastinating on STOPPING an activity? For example, let's say I promise my future self I will stop browsing CZcams in 2 hours. I fail to keep the promise to my future self, and after 2 hours, I haven't stopped browsing CZcams. If I then stop browsing CZcams at 2.5 hours, I would have made a future plan and disrespected the promise to my future self - the one thing this video says NOT to do - and the cycle will continue. Is the solution that I must keep on browsing CZcams until the next day?
The mind can't really process plans about NOT doing something. It is designed to visualize actions. Rather than focusing on stopping CZcams, perhaps focus on what you will proactively DO after that activity. It could be as simple as: after CZcams I will sit and select a time to start X. Make sense?
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy yes, thank you for responding. I just found your work (videos, articles, books, etc.) and find all the topics compelling, useful, and on-point. I suspect I will find helpful advice as I delve deeper into your material, but my reply is that I struggle with indecision and structure as to what to proactively DO; continuing the CZcams example, I just know that I want to stop browsing CZcams and instead do someone productive, but I'm not sure what I should do in what order and how. Anyways, thank you very much for sharing your work! Looking forward to learning more.
@@sevenxgirl I have a video this Sunday which might help with this. It's on the 80/20 principle.
I have a question:
Say, I'm procrastinating on my assignment. Like I said I would start at 8PM, but I failed to show up. In reality, I would just tell myself, oh nvm, I'll just do it tomorrow.
So, how can I implement something like this, if I'm already thinking that I'm gonna do it tomorrow? If I just tell myself that I'm not going to do anything related to the important task for that day, as the consequence for my failure to show up, then I'm never ever going to get that task done because I know I will keep telling myself "I'll do it the next day"
Hi there. Procrastination is not defined as 'not doing things'. It is a state of indecision (have to do it vs don't want to do it). This technique makes us become decisive (it is either done or not done). Not doing it is fine. Doing it is fine. But being indecisive about it is where the problem really lies. Whether the thing is accomplished is actually irrelevant. So long as decisions are make (one way or the other) we come out of stuckness and you may be surprised where that freedom of mind may lead.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy thank you for the explanation !
I’m lost sorry... so I’m meant to not work on say the work I need to do after a time?
Hi Mark. The method is to stop engaging with the work or project for the day, as soon as you procrastinate. It basically stops reinforcing the behavior of putting it off. It's explained more here...czcams.com/video/DaaZlo2qgs4/video.html
im lost too. i keep making promises. tomorrow comes and i still procrastinate.
the only problem I have with it is that this is probably the last thing you want to do if your deadline is literally tomorrow
Dude you should write a book.
Thanks my friend. I actually beat you to it on that one. I have a book on Procrastination.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy really?? Where can I find it?
@@_Lesplay Sure thing. It's called 'Procrastination Decoded'. It's at my website and on Amazon.
I'm sorry but this is not what causes my procrastination. I believe I will be successful and follow through. I just have negative feelings around doing the thing or think that doing it won't be rewarded which causes me not to do it.
Having things that are rewarding or meaningful is an essential human need. So, while there are things that can seem tedious, finding some form of meaningful endeavour can help us with those more mundane things. A part of it is finding a balnace between what's meaningful and what's practical. Make sense at all?
11:40
I love procrastinating hahahah but I need to not lol
i dont understand this in full. if i procrastinate to make cold calls and loose the right to do them i feel better because i hate to do them.
Partly so Dennis perhaps? But is there an underlying sense of guilt? That is the thing we are trying to put boundaries around.
Are you Joey's brother?