Tods vile bollock dagger - My first dagger!
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- čas přidán 20. 09. 2023
- I made a dagger 27 years ago I was so proud of.....for a while. Then I sold it on and just recently it came back to me and after 27 years of absence I can now say as a definite fact - IT IS HIDEOUS!!!! Quite well made but hideous none the less.
My first bollock dagger.
I don't know why you might want to see it, except to laugh at me, but we all need humbling sometimes, so prepare your selves for probably the nastiest dagger made.
Selected items currently on SALE at todcutler.com
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For those who enjoyed Arrows vs Armour todtodeschini.com
Evolution of the bollock dagger • Evolution of the Bollo...
How did the bollock dagger get its name? • How did the Bollock da...
Many thanks to David Black who first told me about the bollock dagger and gave me faith in my work (even after seeing this dagger). To Ted Lloyd for keeping this vile object safe for 27 years. To Kentwell Hall for making me love history www.kentwell.co.uk
Edited by Will Ellett
If someone dispatched me with that piece I would haunt them with all my being.
You would probably end up linking your being to the dagger and haunt whomever owned it.
Puts a new tint on 'tearing him a new one' with that sticking out of you.
I never thought I would want to see Tod unpixelate his bollock
this right here is something i never thought I'd hear under normal circumstances
@@snowydeagles15 😆
I'll bet his bollock dagger fits well in the hand.
I am sure you were anticipating this, but be careful what you wish for. And....well of course, todd envies his own work.
this is my first time on this channel, does this gentleman only content like this?
Finally, a dagger fit for a princess. Kills by day, thrills by night.
hahahaha hahahaha hahahaha
Ribbed...for her pleasure.
Brilliant
You probably shouldn't look up the term "hilting." It is a thing.
Oh dear…
OK, that is the most anatomically accurate bollock dagger ever, no one can't deny that!
I don't know, seems a little on the large side.
Very slightly above average, perhaps. Still seems to fit will in the hand.@@DH-xw6jp
Indeed. Finally, someone takes history seriously. I appreciate the fine arts of great jokes. Please, make a limp knife too!
That dagger is ... bollocks 😂
Could have done with a bit of leather around the head on the handle. Probably would have made it a bit more comfortable in the hand.
For people who really need to compensate, Tod can do one in a two-handed variant.
I guess this brings up the question of if anyone ever made a bollock sword. Weird historical weapons maybe?
@@jayd5836 I don't think there is any question it would have been made at some point, the resources are available and the cost over any other form of handle negligible. In the same way there really stupid cars/bikes/clothing made now that are nothing but a joke that is just about practical enough to use (and now usually costing far far more than a more normal option).
I suspect something like this 'Tod's second? bollock' probably existed in history somewhere too. Maybe even for exactly the same reasoning his came to be 'oh this idea is really fashionable in Paris' says the Conquistador to the native, who then thinks its a good joke and tells his buddy they want to 'shaft' their opponents in this way too...
For the French., He can also make one with 3 balls!!
The grip turned from the finest ebony...
i have a bastard sword with a anatomical handle, like the celtic handles but instead of having sword blade as the 'head' i made the head and arms the pommel then handle is body still & it used to have a curved knife hilt/long celtic hilt but these days its a drider:P
/has a knife hilt & 4 upturned 'legs' on hilt 2 each side running 8cm or so down blade/6 legs with a limited shell/cup section above hand. it is lacking large pronounced bollox though its just the phalus legs body arms head, but its a mighty phalus 5-6cm wide 68cm long 19cm handle 5cms of brass pommel :P
its kinda heavy but has its balance just above hilt & a lot of sword catchers even pommel can direct a blade because of upturned arms & its wide enough i have just blocked thrusts & javalins on the flat of blade before &most importantly it looks amusing for practicing with lol
As per historical variety, there is no chance this is the first appearance of such a piece. Absolutely positive someone in period had made one shaped just like that.
I'd imagine it happened a lot when the trend was starting. Probably in a similar manner too. A friend tells their friends that they heard from another friend that heard from an uncle that just got back from a trip that the stilly people over there are making daggers end the shape of a male member, they have a laugh and one of them says "I'm going to make one!" LOL
when he flicks through examples there's at least two that are anatomically correct.
@@ShagShaggio It doesn't even take that kind of gossip train to give birth to it. I saw a carpenter back when I was still in elementary that had a hammer with a very phallic shaped wooden handle, it even had an indent on the tip to imitate the hole.
Rule 34 is NOT new, it’s part of human nature.
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that there's probably a dick-decorated version of every even vaguely phallic-shaped weapon in history. Sword? Shakespeare made that joke already. Pistol? Forgotten Weapons has that video. Rifle? Almost certainly. Cannon? I wouldn't put it past them. Would you count the military pilots who recently drew a dickandballs in their flight tracking software? I would.
This reminds me of those medieval paintings of exotic animals where the artist only heard descriptions of the animals from travelers.
Of course. I missed that parallel - thanks
In that sense this dagger already qualifies as authentically medieval by way of its design process!
Knowing all the naughty carvings in churches and kinky medieval art, I 100% believe something like this could have or did exist
they dindt see it like that
Totally agree. In the 13th/14th century that dagger could have easily been seen as maybe a one off, just like any blade back then.
@@zippydastrange that was an amulet against evil eye
They were both tame and very forthright about things like bollocks daggers depending on the time.
There are some very rude ones out there and if you pause on the knight in the flicking pictures, he is wearing a pretty saucy one
The awkward part, I can imagine, would be Todd sitting in a corner vigorously sanding the handle to a fine polish 😂
HOLY.SHIT. I am dead. My officemate just looked around his monitor to figure out why I just exploded into hysterical laughter at the reveal of the bollock dagger. That is one of the funniest things I have ever seen - cheers for the laughs Tod!!!
That's basically an antique now. Which means Tod's Workshop could make antique replicas of it. Because I'd probably rise to the occasion and buy one.
Slow 👏
But it's hard.. so. hard...
I'm sure it'd sell. Perhaps even more so if it was made to fit bigger, uh, hands.
LOL @@StraightOuttaJarhois
To become my dream piece it just neads a bigger/longer blade to ballance the handle. To modern eyes it may seem rude or vulgar but prior to the middle ages such imagery was normal and widespread.
Being able to show even your earliest work is the sign of a true shaftsman - er, I mean craftsman.
No amount of warning could have prepared me, what an incredible dagger 😂!
Still hilarious 1500 years later.
You in a year 3000?
Man's commenting from the future
@@unterhau1102I bet he's used to bollock lightsabers.
Guys, he's talking about the bollock dagger itself, as a 1500 year old practical joke.
@@MarikHavair from the 1300s. It's nice that you guys from the future can send messages back in time but please consider us peasents in the 2100s.
Tod's dagger is a rare example of something being both a figurative AND a literal cock-up.
His advice is also spot-on, and relevant to so many things in life.
Repetition is one of the easiest way to improve your skills.
to be honest, and knowing the medieval sense of humour (looking at the spread eagle carving in the cathedral ceiling) i think this is bloody brilliant
Thanks, but not so sure
@@tods_workshop I'm pretty sure i know a decent handfulbof people who would love to have a full package dagger. I'm just more of a seax guy
@@tods_workshop I'm sure someone would have done it for laugh if nothing else.
@@tods_workshop Given that I spent the last 10 minutes in tears and I'm still feeling it, I'm pretty certain that thing is brilliant. I can only imagine threatening to hit someone with the "pommel" of that dagger.
Well you learn something new every day. I always thought the dagger blade was the ummm "shaft". Having seen that piece, Tod, Ill never forget how wrong I was....
OBVIOUSLY, IT'S THE PART YOU GRAB HOLD OF!
@@perniciouspete4986 You're saying it shouldn't be the part you stick into people?
There is a certain strong feeling of *honesty* on that dagger, combined that it still is well made, which makes it absolutely hilarious to me.
That is a fantastic dagger, its very lifelike. I want to make one now.
Don't
@@tods_workshop I guess it is a bit unbalanced, best not to. Ok.
@@andrewbutton2039 Could put a longer blade on it to balance the weight of the *wood*
Don't sit on it
@@tods_workshop That is correct. Don't make just one. Make a LOT of them. 100 of them so you know how to do it properly.
Quite a good *sounding* dagger you got there Tod
jesus!
This one got a good laugh out of me lol. With the real ones, you could miss the joke, or brush your raised eyebrow off as you just having a dirty mind...but young Tod's dagger.... You're not missing that one 😂
Committing time & effort for humor. Good on you.
All journeys start with one step...OMG I did NOT expect that!!
I actually like the realistic dongknife better than the period correct ones. I mean... If you want to take stylistic inspiration from a man's rod & marbles why not go all the way? Exquisite detail on that dongknife. I literally bet you a whole dollar you could sell more anatomically correct fat dongknifes than the period correct ones.
I mean, it might not represent an actual historic dagger that we know of, but I wouldn't be surprised if the very first bollock dagger ever made looked pretty much exactly like this; like you said, it probably started as a joke ;)
Yeah, either bollock daggers started out like Todd's first and then got toned down, or started from a dagger with a small crossgaurdy thing that someone thought looked a bit like balls, and so made the next one to look more like balls.
The reveal of the dagger had me ROLLING. Such amazing detail! :'D I absolutely love this and cannot stop laughing! This is great!
That genuinely made me laugh out loud! I'm pretty confident if you fitted a handle like that to a better blade you'd sell them at TORM
now i want one because it doesn't matter how many knives or daggers you have in a collection that one will always manage to stand out. it would also make a amusing gift
To be honest, I would be surprised if such literal pieces weren't occasionally made in history.
Edit: Insert joke about "bell (end) notifications"
Ah- I see what you did there. Surely you must be UK, as bell end has to be local
"With mine dague, I stab at thee!"
"My lord, I ponder, with thine steel or thine wood?"
"Aye. Just. Aye."
I probably would only ever handle that by the scabbard, and never by the hilt.
And that Frenchie one reminded me of the Total Recall mutant lady.
I never thought I'd laugh so hard watching this channel.
I think back to the first historical fabric items I made. I had no idea what I was doing. I was looking at pictures and winging it. At that time I could functionally sew, but I had no concept of stitches per inch or any of that. Now nearly 20 years I get sought out for research questions or to make things. I now collaborate on research with groups and sites I use to look at as the experts. It's so weird seeing how we evolve as makers.
Who wants to take the bet somwhen, somewhere, someone had just a dagger like that in history and thought that is is mighty swell.
"swell" is certainly the word
@@perniciouspete4986 I'm sure a dagger like that might grow on you.
An accurate, historical representation of Todd’s eeehh… early work! That’s what we expect from this channel!!! I laughed so hard at one point that I almost hurt my ballocks… 😁
Damn, Todd really made something for business and pleasure.
Your "horrific dagger" would have brought you a premium fee in the middle ages.
The detail on the handle is truly impressive. It looks like it would be incredibly comfortable in hand, I just want to grab it.
A year or so ago, Todd, I heard you describe this dagger in one of your films. You mentioned the mild steel blade but I don't think you described the handle.
In that video you were extremely critical of your first dagger, and I must say, I expected something far, far less well-made. I forged my first ever dagger as a project for a CZcams film.
I think yours is better, or at least less badly finished.
In D&D 5e, every Bard always starts with a dagger as part of their standard equipment. I like to think these are those daggers.
The way some of them play, you'd have to believe it to be the case.
You : make it !
History : YES !
Tod : WHY?!?!?!
The fact that Todd is showing the world a 1:100 replica of his own stuff speaks volumes.
That "bad version" is Awesome!!. I am a lady but I would totally rock that. It would be funny af and deff a talking point. (Although most people might mistake it as something a bit more 'private', esp since I live in California and we all know what goes on here. 😂)
very funny. you really went literal with it. and about the right kind of outcome for any project done without research :)
Frank honesty about how everyone starts somewhere-now ain't that the truth. Humility is gold.
Thank you, thank you so much for making this video. One - I never knew that a knife could make me laugh out loud, two - I am so glad you kept it and didn't get rid of it. I think it's very important to take ownership and pride in one's creative journey, my respects to you, sir.
Ok, that dagger got a laugh out of me!
To be fair, looking at the illustrations of some more exotic animals in the historical illustrations, even though the end result might not be exactly accurate, the "word-of-mouth" method and its end result absolutely is!:)
Seriously- take a look at medieval depictions of elephants- you can see the end result of someone that never seen an elephant, following the description from someone who have never seen one either, but once heard how they supposed to look like:D
Tod we need to do a short run of these with real steel as an homage to your first attempt I think for sheer hilarity’s sake these would be a blast to own
I think Tod should prepare himself for a flurry of custom anatomically correct bollock daggers orders 😂
I made an 'as accurate as you can' one for grooms present a couple of years ago. Its in the Insta feed if you go looking
@@tods_workshop If only I had money, I would actually buy one of these for the hilarity of it.
@@tods_workshop ill check it out!
Now now Tod. Your description of working from inexpert description reminds me of so many contemporaneous illustrations that we react to with, “that’s wrong…” or “how the hell does that work ?”. I just think you were following the tradition of other Medieval items or situations which artists had at first no personal experience of…… but later you came to the side of light.
Best video ever.
Humility, wisdom and so so so funny.
Thank you Tod,
Thank you 😂
Amazing show of what experience and research leads to. I wouldnt even make a hilt like that right now. I guess theres a starting point for everyone! Amazing share Tod!
I agree, I wouldn't start there now, but just exposing yourself to this channel and so many others like just brings up your base level of knowledge and familiarity.
@@tods_workshop whoa now, I think you've done enough exposing for one video! Lol.
@@sinisterthoughts2896😂
That's a knife my wife would totally let me buy.
As this man's wife's boyfriend, can confirm.
So that she can get some use out of it as well?
@@eduardvaniersel7535 ...Yes.. That is the joke.. You nailed it.
@@galileopotato167 She wants to know if sword hilts are bigger? I guess she's into collecting..?
The difference between lewdness and aggression is which side you stick first. Good job with this one. The CZcams algorithm won't know if to flag it for depiction of weapons or nudity
A title like THAT? A beginning like THAT??? GUARANTEED to get someone to 'continue watching'!!
Thanks a LOT, you're right, I CAN'T 'unsee' it. "Mutter, mutter, grumble, mutter, grumble"...
😂 Funny but disturbing that it's a historical thing even if it was just around for 200 years
And as I noticed no-one else mentioned it Todd the piercing's called a Prince Albert 😄 I remember hearing about it being an actual prince who used his to keep his nob in the same more aesthetically pleasing place when he wore tight trousers but I don't know how true that is 😄 And no before you ask I don't have one
Thank you. I was scrolling through comments and didn't want to be the first to point that out.
I'd be curious to see your take on A fighting dagger at A functional use "Beater" price point. Where would you mutate or evolve A Fairbairn-Sykes dagger for instance?
It's hideous and I love it.
Thanks for showing us your early work and that you've improved well past it.
I snickered like a schoolboy the moment the pixilation dropped, and didn’t stop until the video ended. But I’ll never be able look at bollock daggers the same way again - I’ll always see your “tool”.
Thanks for sharing!
My 1st, 1st comment!
Woooo Hooo!
My first, first, first comment, comment
That my friend is a work of art!! It’s like something you’d expect to see advertised in the medieval equivalent of Viz magazine
Todd's Vile Bollock Dagger is a phenomenal name for a magical weapon from a Dark Souls game
Two things Ive heard myself thinking more often with age comes to mind ”Nothing beats experience.” And ”experience keeps an expensive school - but fools will learn in no other.”
Amazing.
I hope this becomes a new wedding gift for the wedding party.
Hilarious, brings a new meaning to "He had an knife and he pricked me with it!"
Looking round a medieval church in Germany, I had to laugh to myself at one statue where I could clearly identify he was carrying a bollock dagger, after watching Tod’s video.
I actually laughed out loud when you did the reveal! 😂 You're right, you can't un see it!
I am convinced that this dagger fits perfectly in the hand.
When you unpixelated the dagger I laughed. And I agree, I don't think I'll ever be able to unsee it. That being said I also agree, purely craft speaking it is nicely done.
And that piercing is called a Prince Albert. ;-)
You're a brave man who now makes really good daggers.
Thanks for show your first AND for keeping it!
Fantastic Tod love it!
That thing is a sight to behold. I believe I can say that without fear of contradiction.
I really like the way the sheath is held on, with a snap of some sort at the urethra opening.
magnificent, that's the only word for it.
The things we make tell our story, and this is a good one!
Tod, you're an artist. That first bollock dagger is so life-like. You gotta bring that back - it'll sell like hotcakes.
Tod, you were absolutely right, that dagger can't be unseen. Um, uh, nice Prince Albert?
I saw the reveal and couldn't help but hear Corporal Jones reminisce that "they didn't like it up 'em"
I can indeed confirm that you do make good bollock daggers. Got one of em in my collection. One of my favorites.
Absolutely amazing
Tod, you are an absolute treasure and a legend. Keep on keeping on!
As someone who did study french medieval history;
That thing could 100% exist. Maybe not as a everyday thing, cause it is a bit too overt, but, still. If someone said they had seen that in a museum, I wouldn't question it. At all.
That is absolutely amazing! Love it! Totally agree with the message at the end too, my first knives were absolute trash but I learnt something from each one and now I'm at the point where I'm making fairly decent stuff. I've still got a way to go but like Tod says, keep making and never stop!
Thanks Todd, I got quite a good chuckle out of this one.
Nice one Todd. When you're not fighting, you can whip it out and entertain the ladies! Got to love a tool with multiple uses.
Multi-tool!
The perfect present for someone who has a royal sized cod piece.
Tod, you got me, I thought that you sank into a depth of insanity and forged infamous poop knife, tone, colour and an intro matched out.
I know exactly what you did before, and because of, the pixilation. And Yes, I now cannot unsee it.
By the gods, that... thing... ... Its beautiful!
because it feels good in the hand
That's actually close to an original that can be seen in the book "arms of the American Revolution". When I first started forging iron and steel i didn't make a knife for about ten months. I wanted it to be correct, so when I got good at forging I finally made a knife that was forged to close to the final dementions so I didn't have as much bench work to do. When I finally finished, I had the ugliest knife I've ever seen, but I still use it for a kitchen/butcher knife and my wife loves it.
A while back I picked up from my shop floor a knife I had started in my early days. It looked wrong but I reforged it and now its beautiful. I sold it soon after finishing it for four hundred bucks. Not bad for a piece that I hated enough when I started that I threw it away. I still don't use electric power tools in the stuff I make. It makes it more fun.
Even before I saw this video, I've kind of wanted a bollock dagger with a Prince albert piercing for a lanyard loop. Now I REALLY want one!
The US military made grenades shaped like baseballs to make it more familiar with the youth.
Tod built a dagger that every man will naturally be able to maintain a good grip on.
Thank you for the really good laugh. That thing is magnificent.
You can see the masterful hand of the craftsman.
I've got a large wooden ladle that had a very long handle and I thought it would be a cool stew bowl for 'Buckskinner/Muzzleloader' events if I cut the handle down a lot. So it ended up as a decent sized wooden bowl with a six inch handle. A smart ass friend who had some wood carving skills noticed it at one event and later that day I discovered he'd done exactly to its handle what Tod did with this dagger. Everyone in our camp LOL'd.
Can't be the only one that would love to own that 'beast'
Apparently not - oddly
Jeeezus. I did not think it would be that bad. I am forever scarred.
"So, Tod, what was your first foray into knifemaking?"
"Er..."
Ohh my lord, I can't stop laughing at the thing of beaty that thing is 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
You're telling me no peasant ever carved himself a knife handle, chuckling the whole time?
That is the most hilarious dagger I have ever seen. I love it, and absolutely, I will never unsee it.
Todd, I've always enjoyed your videos, but I can't say I've laughed with one quite this much. Thank you for a good laugh at the end of a terrible friday.