Simply this people need to realise. They have NO conscience. They have given up themselves since a child/adolescent. Just by other people’s attention they live there is no other way. Its all for their self admiration building up and up. Someone has to agree with them ofcourse😂
Abuse is also a mechanism. The narcissist will abuse in situations where he/she is on the verge of losing control. Abuse is used as a tool to "push" people back into submission.
What if every Narcissist was forced to wear a shock collar around there neck like in the Star Trek episode~The Gamesters of Triskelion. And ever time they did ANYTHING wrong to another person they got ZAPPED!!!!
Narcissists have no empathy at all. You could be crying in excruciating pain and they will either laugh at it or express their pleasure in peculiar hidden ways. You could be in emotional or physical pain and they would say, stop causing drama. I mean literally, your emotions and feelings are like a joke to them. They don't care about your feelings, for them it is drama. That's their famous and favorite line to say, "stop doing drama".
When I was in severe pain he called it “another ailment “ felt like I was in such pain I was losing my mind or common sense Finally away from him - I knew right there something was seriously wrong with him. The only definition that came to me was “evil”
It wasn't until I started going to a psychologist that he told me that we have to sever all ties with toxic people in our lives, family included. Family take advantage of us because they see us as soft targets that will put up with the abuse. We're brainwashed by society into thinking that families should & have to stick together.
Isnt it suprising what goes on behind closed doors? And that no one around us believes us? and we tend to think we are the only ones so we can tend to keep it hidden... My own children think i was theproblem and the narc was abused...its hard being alone and old,,,,, its like reliving and reliving the nightmare,
I was married to a BIPOLAR COVERT NARCISSIST. Wow! She was stuck in her UP mood (manic mood) for the entire time we were dating and for 3 months into the marriage and then the cycling began. I did not know for many years that in her MIDDLE MOOD in her mood cycle she was a covert narcissist. A typical mood cycle was 2 days UP, 18 days MIDDLE and 2 days DOWN. We had 4 boys because in her UP mood, she was the wonderful woman I married and SHE was dragging me into the bedroom. The rest of the time I could just go jump off a bridge as far as she was concerned. I stayed for 34 years ONLY to get the boys raised and married. It would take a lot more than this note to tell of all the techniques I used to keep her from destroying everything and to keep my sanity. P.S.--Michele, your videos are among the best on CZcams. Thanks.
It's really to regulate their own emotions. They control because they know you'd leave if you didn't feel like you were in the gutter from the daily bullsh*t.
What sucks is when the narcissist has helper that stands by them when they act bad. My mom could do anything to me and my stepdad will take her side no matter what. He told me to my face he's going to always side with his wife (my mother). The problem is my mom is abusive and cruel. She'll do something like invite me over then throw me out because she misheard something I said and instead of siding with me and helping me explain to my mom that there's a misunderstanding he'll tell me to leave and say something like "I don't want to kick you out right now but I have to, you know how your mom gets". So then my mom ends up thinking she's in the right because she has my stepdad right there supporting her actions. It makes it so much more difficult to deal with a narcissist when they have a teammate right there condoning all their bad behavior.
There is another factor to consider I can only speak for myself as an INFG type personality in the Myers-Brigg. As a person with a higher empathy level, I have discovered that empathetic ppl tend to attract narcissistic people at a higher level. Although I cannot prove it , narcissistic people can detect more empathetic people out and play them. Myself, I have been burned really bad by a covert narcissist I dove into studying narcissistic abuse and my own personality. I have discovered in my research that in the beginning of a relationship narcissistic people know how to play people with more empathy than themselves. I have met new people befriended them and studied them and it usually takes about a month or so before their mask slips just a little bit. For an older infj personality type I have become a master at detecting narcissistic type people. I can certainly see how in the beginning of a relationship a narcissist can start to control and Hoover and play their manipulative games until they have the hook in you. A word of advice to all the young introverted empathetic types be careful and take your time while dating. Another thing in recent discoveries is that for an INFJ type personality it is easy for me to give someone many many chances to redeem themselves It's good and bad at the same time. 😂 ✌
@@GrowtopiaCreamlady ✌ Michele Nieves saved my sanity and quite possibly my life a few years ago. I happened to listen to her on my way home from work and while I was listening I thought I was the only one in the world this happened to. Wrong. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and had to pull over and I completely lost it. I dealt with this narcissistic abuse for 18 years and my brain was turning to mush. I was so upside down. Michele lifted a weight off my shoulders. It was my new beginning.
You are right on this...and im amazed that someone in this crazy world knows what im or we are going through... Thank you for these videos,,, I need to stop crying .....
Thank you for all of your knowledge because of your channel I learned sooooo much and was able to get out of a really with a covert narcissist and it also made me realize how codependent I was. I also learned all about my immediate family. You have taught me it's possible to take action learn create healthy boundaries and I can pass this on to my Daughter..I Love you. You are the perfect example of you may not have had a good upbringing and been through a lot but you turned it around started your channel and your a coach helping others. I'm extremely Proud of you. Through pain you found strength. Btw I Love your hair it looks gorgeous. Have a Blessed rest of your week. ❤❤❤❤
I don't know earlier that shit is happening just next to me😂 After going through many channels such as this one I have realised that there people are always Preoccupied in their heads, Fantasying some things but they don't disclosure it. If you call them during that they become very angry😂. Thanks for lovely content 💞🌹🙏
So true. Just initiated my turf mode. It hurts to be as cruel to them as they were to me but the best way for me to get them to leave is to not allow them to use my house to live to make the house less welcoming than living under a bridge. Lost my daughter to this nonsense. My biggest joy these passed 5 years it really crushed me to loose my daughter. She is happy she didn't want the burden of raising kids only the status and joy of one.
Coverts are so sneaky and manipulative. Always watching always listening and always looking for opportunities. I’ve stood my ground against the one in our family and she still tries to sneak her way into doing things to try to get me to react. I actually think it’s quite pathetic, the lengths she would go to try and get me to react. 😂😂😂😂 and btw once you challenge one you will forever be their target. It’s like the competition of the one that got away 🙄 all that time wasted on trying to get revenge on you that they could be using on getting themselves better, helping the world, loving their own families, finding God. But no it’s you they want it’s almost flattering but then it gets creepy and stalkerish and you’re just like get a life leave me alone.👀👀
Love this message and thank you for sharing this! It can be difficult to recognize the signs at first, but it is so important to remember that YOU are a priority to yourself and your thoughts and feelings are valid! ❤
Add addictions to the mix, and you get a petulant, disrespectful, hurt little child. Bullies at thier core, but bullies are weak, unregulated, back biters. Im like a magnet for them. 😆🤔
Sadistic they enjoy your pain under the guise of helping you constructive criticism your fears they weaponize keep you in narcissist prison the role they create for you
I think my narc abused, to maintain a position of power and control. Hierarchy mentality. If he was constantly criticizing my looks, what I said, who my friends were, how I kept the house, what activities the kids did (or did not) participate in, what I cooked, the activities that I chose to participate in…basically, every single move I made…he thought he could get me to change my choices. I never did. That irritated him to no end. He lived for his job and had multiple affairs…to get his narcissistic supply and ‘adoration/compliance’ elsewhere. I finally divorced him. And he was even WORSE once I filed for divorce. Then he moved into the victim role and went full speed ahead into ‘vindictive mentality’. He dragged out the divorce for years…in attempt to put forward the idea that he was still ‘in control’, and to ultimately financially destroy me. I refused to bend to his endless attempts to blackmail, coerce, intimidate me into signing a self-sabotaging settlement…and eventually pushed it to a binding arbitration. I have never been so relieved to be severed from a human being, in my life. He is full of vitriol and his own worst enemy.
Once you become enlightened about a covert narcissist, and it's taken me a couple years, is it normal to pick up on these traits literally EVERY SINGLE TIME they open their mouth? Or have I now become too sensitized to her manipulative ways? Once I calm down (gray rock) from the last episode and get to a point where I can discuss family matters again, I pick up on one of these controlling remarks and here we go again. If she could just not talk to me at all, I think I could make it.
Have same issue with sibling. They are relentless. I sense/know that when I balanced in myself, I see the manipulation and digs. Until that time, I need to go no contact or I will continue to engage and react. Best wishes - I know how painful this can be.
I am the scapegoat. My narcissistic parent told me I was “different “ and that his other two were more like him. One of those other two was the golden child. Now that he has passed she sings his accolades and has taken to picking up where he left off. The other of the two is an alcoholic with narcissistic angry behavior. One is covert, the other overt, both are just like him. He was right, I am different!
I was raised by two narcs...I grew up so helpless and looked for somebody to save me from them but no one showed up...Even my father didn't protect me from them...I suspect my grandmother was also a narc....
It's incredibly difficult to know what goes on in their horrifically flawed and toxic schema. What I have learned after a lifetime of exposure to their abuses is that truth, facts and reality have NO place in their existence. They lie about anything and everything and it's perfectly normal for them - like, what's the problem? They are reminiscent of a cyborg and any similarity to a real human is entirely cursory. Why it is extremely difficult to deal with them is because we continually and naturally revert to normal reactions, projections and expectations when we're actually dealing with an anthropomorphous barrel of toxic waste. It looks like a person, sometimes even acts like a person but they not a real person - just a dangerous, often violent, destructive and toxic facsimile. Oh yeah, and Michele... ❤💖💗 for a long time now.
The difference between a coach and a psychologist/therapist is that the latter know that covert narcisism will NOT get to be a personality disporder. Only the overt/grandiose narcissism can get to be a disorder. Go to a someone who is a psychologist (a clinical one) - that professional won't certify you in anything, he/she won't turn you from a survivor into a coach but he/she does know how to deal with this suff.
Ok, I need to interject something here. I found your videos the other day and fell in love. You speak about narcissism in such a clear and concise way that i have never heard it explained before and I’m finally realizing why I am having such a painful and confusing experience. But then you said this: "We know that addicts take no responsibility for their actions. It's always somebody else's fault." Cue record scratch. I cannot believe that line was in there. Is it traumatic for a child to grow up with a child whose parent is struggling with addiction? Yes. Are there parents with addictions who are neglectful and abusive? Absolutely. But the terminology you are using and the blanket characterization of this is appalling and harmful. I work as a psychiatric nurse with those battling addiction. It hurts my heart to hear someone refer to them as addicts instead of people battling addiction. Addiction is not a disease in and of itself. It's a coping mechanism. No one is addicted to heroin because they like heroin. They become addicted to heroin because the trauma they experienced caused them to feel pain that is too intolerable to bear without it. When I ask them about their lives, I hear stories of abuse, neglect, and lack of social support that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I also have issues with the blanket statement that "they don’t take responsibility for their actions." People battling addiction often cannot keep up with their responsibilities. And will quite often become very defensive if you shame them for that. That part is true. But the reason that's happening is because you are shaming people for their shortcomings without giving any consideration to why they are struggling in the first place, it's going to trigger them just like your example of the mother stepping over her child in pain. They don't currently have the tools to fix it no matter how much you shame them. And if you have a behavior that you literally can't control because your brain and nervous system were damaged by abuse, it can be too psychologically painful to acknowledge that part of yourself. So yes, you will see some excuses and denial. You can also make the argument that narcissists engage in the same compartmentalization. But they difference is, addiction isn't a personality disorder. If you talk to someone with addiction with compassion and understanding, they express and feel regret all the time. Narcissists do not and cannot. I’m not claiming that growing up with a parent struggling with addiction isn’t traumatic. But what about the survivors of narcissistic parents who are suffering from addiction as a result? Those people are in your audience and you just told them they are as worthless as their parents made them feel. Many are currently being shamed by their narcissist ABOUT the addiction they only developed BECAUSE of that narcissistic abuse. Please reexamine your beliefs about addiction and be more careful with how you discuss it in the future.
one thing i find super confusing is how you meet all these people. I can go for days without talking to another human being. I'm completely worthless and disabled in a tiny town where the only activity is drinking. and I gave up alcohol due to legislated poverty. how do you go from one abusive relationship to another when literally no other human being wants to talk to you?
The hard part is, being a child of narcissistic parents, you learn to act out hurt and pains me suffering as a form of living. It's like, "If I play the role of sufferer maybe I'll get the attention I seek". Breakout free from this you will see the other people react how a narcissist would react. Gaslighting, using info against you after acting nice to gain your trust, trash talking. But in reality this is the same stuff they have always done.
7:30 From EXPERIENCE, this pain is what these voyeuristic criminals thrive on, video without consent, and share with their warped, inhuman online co-conspirators. The goal in organized stalking and harassment, which "...is carried out by an enthusiastic and structured group that has cruel intentions," according to the targeted mental health professional who wrote "No Ordinary Stalking" is to "stalk, harass, injure, financially ruin, and mentally crumple human prey until incapacitation occurs." HITLER AND HIS PALS WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS. PREY JUST WANT EITHER ACCOUNTABILITY AND JUSTICE OR A HUMANE, SWIFT END. IT DOES GET TO THE POINT WHERE WHAT THAT END MEANS MATTERS.
I had a covert narcissistic mum and she was very much in control of her emotions all the time and blaming us kids when we got upset cos she was unfair or manipulating or hurting us. She felt superior to always be in control of her emotions actually and even mentionned it to us as being superior for always being in control of herself, she was really cold hearted and never lost control. She though manipulated emotionally all the time as being a poor victim and sad when we didn't obey and controlled us with the silent treatment. On the contrary my narcissisitic dad had tantrums..... so I do not feel what is explained here applies to all the different types of narcissism
one L Michele it seems to me like the authentic self is the great mystery. A big piece of it wasn't just damaged by narcs, but by the experience of school.
If a father treats his daughter badly because of cultural reasons, would this be considered narcissistic? Sort of like a woman needs to be put in her place and doesn't know better than him?
What do i do with the medical professionals and therapist who listen to me talk about the abuse then push me go back because he is my husband and I have something called a soul contract with him? Which has the effect of making me mad at my soul for choosing a life of abuse, which I do not find helpful. do not know what I did to these women that makes them feel I need more years of abuse. but every time, they push me hard to go back. i fail to see why i need more, there is only death that way, i have so many auto immune diseases now and I explained that I do not sleep well on the floor in the living room in public view. some of the mold is out of the house but that section has no floor, just a sheet of plastic between the floor and the the earth a few feet below. given it took eight years to get him to address the leak which is actually a fast household repair and they where able to save the main support wall. He needs to work, because they praise him, or at least they did. it seems he is not as popular as he is behaving like the toddler he is. I really hate having to have him vent at me and I would receive at least an hour or two which unfortunately really upped during covid. leave them is obvious but its three supports I actually need, plus that doesn’t solve the problem. i still feel like shit and am stuck ruminating. my rational mind knows that they either don’t believe me, are wrapped up in their own story and are not conscious of what they are doing. it sure does kick off the not enough, I am bad, I deserve to suffer. oh and the added kicker, they all know he uses the exact same wording and abuse my mother used as she gave him a full run down as a birthday gift, something she feels is the only reason I am still married given how awful I am. it would be nice if I could sleep again.
For no apparent reason the narcissist family member will ghost me...for like weeks and weeks or months..until there is a reason to see them and then they will love bomb and act completely normal like no time has gone by. Why would someone act like this? I just can't make sense of it and don't know how to respond. Any thoughts or help would be appreciated.
This way they create a so called trauma bond. Be careful: you are already starting to ask yourself why, which means you already start to make your self worth dependent on the narcissistic family member! Don‘t seek to understand thEM, since this will only get you deeper into the toxic cycle! If you can, cut the contact!
Exactly. Only 3 months with a CN and I’m a mess. I’m very sensitive and empathic- which is what made the relationship end (I asked wayyy too many questions) but in the aftermath I am feeling so much anxiety, wanting to isolate and I’ve had sciatica intensely for the last month - something I haven’t had in years. There were so many red flags and moments I should have walked away even sooner (all within that short time period) but once I was triggered I went into my old fawning response and it was game on. Suddenly I was begging for scraps of love from a guy who felt more like my alcoholic mother than a boyfriend. My intuition was screaming, but it’s amazing how in my fear and anxiety- I moved TOWARD the danger. Suddenly I needed to make it okay for HIM. I’m so grateful it didn’t last longer. It’s been a month since we broke up and I’m still unpacking shame, embarrassment, insecurity and so much physical tension❤️🩹I’ve worked through a lot of childhood trauma and was feeling pretty centered and balanced before I met him. I’m trying to just look at it as a lesson and spotlight on where I need to shore up my boundaries and self love, but man-that was a doozy!
From my experiences with narcs is that they hate themselves their lives so much they want others to feel worse so they. Can feel better than you.
And they cannot control their own lives so they feel they have to control others lives..
This is so true, they are such miserable people, they are only happy when they can make other people feel miserable too.😏🚩🏃♀️
Of course that's what they do.
You are right, I lost interest in the things I loved until I snapped out of the toxic trance and took my power back.
That's the spirit.
They have no conscience. That's why they will never sympathise.
Simply this people need to realise. They have NO conscience. They have given up themselves since a child/adolescent. Just by other people’s attention they live there is no other way. Its all for their self admiration building up and up. Someone has to agree with them ofcourse😂
Abuse is also a mechanism. The narcissist will abuse in situations where he/she is on the verge of losing control. Abuse is used as a tool to "push" people back into submission.
I never thought her abuse was about me. I just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her.
What if every Narcissist was forced to wear a shock collar around there neck like in the Star Trek episode~The Gamesters of Triskelion. And ever time they did ANYTHING wrong to another person they got ZAPPED!!!!
Narcissists have no empathy at all. You could be crying in excruciating pain and they will either laugh at it or express their pleasure in peculiar hidden ways. You could be in emotional or physical pain and they would say, stop causing drama.
I mean literally, your emotions and feelings are like a joke to them. They don't care about your feelings, for them it is drama. That's their famous and favorite line to say, "stop doing drama".
they love it when you cry, they hate it when you smile
When I was in severe pain he called it “another ailment “ felt like I was in such pain I was losing my mind or common sense
Finally away from him - I knew right there something was seriously wrong with him. The only definition that came to me was “evil”
That is so true... My husband actually laughed with joy at my hurts....
Well they even make sounds that sound like they are having sexual pleasure out of our misery, while we're in pain. I have a sociopath sibling.
"You broke your OWN heart...!" my ex narc circa 2002
My whole childhood in a nutshell.Trauma,Abuse,Violence and denial.
I was on the floor crying that my friends treat me better. I was told "we are family and we can treat you any way we want".
They are abusing you while expecting you to thank them. It's sickening.
It wasn't until I started going to a psychologist that he told me that we have to sever all ties with toxic people in our lives, family included.
Family take advantage of us because they see us as soft targets that will put up with the abuse. We're brainwashed by society into thinking that families should & have to stick together.
You better go away..then give him the biggest present, he love to see that he can break you
Isnt it suprising what goes on behind closed doors? And that no one around us believes us? and we tend to think we are the only ones so we can tend to keep it hidden... My own children think i was theproblem and the narc was abused...its hard being alone and old,,,,, its like reliving and reliving the nightmare,
I was married to a BIPOLAR COVERT NARCISSIST. Wow! She was stuck in her UP mood (manic mood) for the entire time we were dating and for 3 months into the marriage and then the cycling began. I did not know for many years that in her MIDDLE MOOD in her mood cycle she was a covert narcissist. A typical mood cycle was 2 days UP, 18 days MIDDLE and 2 days DOWN. We had 4 boys because in her UP mood, she was the wonderful woman I married and SHE was dragging me into the bedroom. The rest of the time I could just go jump off a bridge as far as she was concerned. I stayed for 34 years ONLY to get the boys raised and married. It would take a lot more than this note to tell of all the techniques I used to keep her from destroying everything and to keep my sanity. P.S.--Michele, your videos are among the best on CZcams. Thanks.
It's really to regulate their own emotions. They control because they know you'd leave if you didn't feel like you were in the gutter from the daily bullsh*t.
they do it because they can.
it's also a challenge to them to get away with it and rewarding when they do.
What sucks is when the narcissist has helper that stands by them when they act bad. My mom could do anything to me and my stepdad will take her side no matter what. He told me to my face he's going to always side with his wife (my mother). The problem is my mom is abusive and cruel. She'll do something like invite me over then throw me out because she misheard something I said and instead of siding with me and helping me explain to my mom that there's a misunderstanding he'll tell me to leave and say something like "I don't want to kick you out right now but I have to, you know how your mom gets". So then my mom ends up thinking she's in the right because she has my stepdad right there supporting her actions. It makes it so much more difficult to deal with a narcissist when they have a teammate right there condoning all their bad behavior.
your step father will always be your moms pet. get away when you can good luck friend
She's Overt; He's her enabler. His saying "I don't want to, but..." Is covert abuse! 😑😥
There is another factor to consider I can only speak for myself as an INFG type personality in the Myers-Brigg.
As a person with a higher empathy level,
I have discovered that empathetic ppl tend to attract narcissistic people at a higher level.
Although I cannot prove it , narcissistic people can detect more empathetic people out and play them.
Myself, I have been burned really bad by a covert narcissist I dove into studying narcissistic abuse and my own personality. I have discovered in my research that in the beginning of a relationship narcissistic people know how to play people with more empathy than themselves.
I have met new people befriended them and studied them and it usually takes about a month or so before their mask slips just a little bit.
For an older infj personality type I have become a master at detecting narcissistic type people. I can certainly see how in the beginning of a relationship a narcissist can start to control and Hoover and play their manipulative games until they have the hook in you.
A word of advice to all the young introverted empathetic types be careful and take your time while dating.
Another thing in recent discoveries is that for an INFJ type personality it is easy for me to give someone many many chances to redeem themselves
It's good and bad at the same time. 😂
✌
create boundaries and take your power back. you are not alone and you are not small. you are powerful, your abusers don't want you to know this
@@GrowtopiaCreamlady
✌
Michele Nieves saved my sanity and quite possibly my life a few years ago.
I happened to listen to her on my way home from work and while I was listening I thought I was the only one in the world this happened to.
Wrong.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing and had to pull over and I completely lost it.
I dealt with this narcissistic abuse for 18 years and my brain was turning to mush.
I was so upside down.
Michele lifted a weight off my shoulders.
It was my new beginning.
I have never heard that about the golden child and the scapegoat but, it’s sooo true in my family.
It's so true that they constantly Chip away at you, in order to control, manipulate and keep you with them.😏🚩🏃♀️💯
You are right on this...and im amazed that someone in this crazy world knows what im or we are going through... Thank you for these videos,,, I need to stop crying .....
Thank you for all of your knowledge because of your channel I learned sooooo much and was able to get out of a really with a covert narcissist and it also made me realize how codependent I was. I also learned all about my immediate family. You have taught me it's possible to take action learn create healthy boundaries and I can pass this on to my Daughter..I Love you. You are the perfect example of you may not have had a good upbringing and been through a lot but you turned it around started your channel and your a coach helping others. I'm extremely Proud of you. Through pain you found strength. Btw I Love your hair it looks gorgeous. Have a Blessed rest of your week. ❤❤❤❤
I don't know earlier that shit is happening just next to me😂 After going through many channels such as this one I have realised that there people are always Preoccupied in their heads, Fantasying some things but they don't disclosure it. If you call them during that they become very angry😂.
Thanks for lovely content 💞🌹🙏
Abuse is a literally the most important thing to them to be able to do w you. They will continue no matter what. Its a compultion, run.
So true. Just initiated my turf mode. It hurts to be as cruel to them as they were to me but the best way for me to get them to leave is to not allow them to use my house to live to make the house less welcoming than living under a bridge. Lost my daughter to this nonsense. My biggest joy these passed 5 years it really crushed me to loose my daughter. She is happy she didn't want the burden of raising kids only the status and joy of one.
Coverts are so sneaky and manipulative. Always watching always listening and always looking for opportunities. I’ve stood my ground against the one in our family and she still tries to sneak her way into doing things to try to get me to react. I actually think it’s quite pathetic, the lengths she would go to try and get me to react. 😂😂😂😂 and btw once you challenge one you will forever be their target. It’s like the competition of the one that got away 🙄 all that time wasted on trying to get revenge on you that they could be using on getting themselves better, helping the world, loving their own families, finding God. But no it’s you they want it’s almost flattering but then it gets creepy and stalkerish and you’re just like get a life leave me alone.👀👀
Thank you Michele, I just realized that I am completely surrounded by addicts and narcissists and I just have been in on and off denial
Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you !!!!!!❤👍❤👍❤
Absolutely spot on Michelle!
Grew up surrounded by both Malignant & Covert Narcissists. Constant abuse & attack, for being the scapegoat truth-teller.
Wow, these really hit home with me.
You are excellent at explaining this topic!
Love this message and thank you for sharing this! It can be difficult to recognize the signs at first, but it is so important to remember that YOU are a priority to yourself and your thoughts and feelings are valid! ❤
Thank You for everything over the years.
Add addictions to the mix, and you get a petulant, disrespectful, hurt little child.
Bullies at thier core, but bullies are weak, unregulated, back biters.
Im like a magnet for them. 😆🤔
Stay Beautiful.
So very true and right on spot
Thank you So much for this.
Sadistic they enjoy your pain under the guise of helping you constructive criticism your fears they weaponize keep you in narcissist prison the role they create for you
Great 👍 video. Thank you 🙏!!
I think my narc abused, to maintain a position of power and control. Hierarchy mentality. If he was constantly criticizing my looks, what I said, who my friends were, how I kept the house, what activities the kids did (or did not) participate in, what I cooked, the activities that I chose to participate in…basically, every single move I made…he thought he could get me to change my choices. I never did. That irritated him to no end. He lived for his job and had multiple affairs…to get his narcissistic supply and ‘adoration/compliance’ elsewhere. I finally divorced him. And he was even WORSE once I filed for divorce. Then he moved into the victim role and went full speed ahead into ‘vindictive mentality’. He dragged out the divorce for years…in attempt to put forward the idea that he was still ‘in control’, and to ultimately financially destroy me. I refused to bend to his endless attempts to blackmail, coerce, intimidate me into signing a self-sabotaging settlement…and eventually pushed it to a binding arbitration. I have never been so relieved to be severed from a human being, in my life. He is full of vitriol and his own worst enemy.
Sounds like what my mom went through… although she did sign a self sabotaging settlement sadly.
Once you become enlightened about a covert narcissist, and it's taken me a couple years, is it normal to pick up on these traits literally EVERY SINGLE TIME they open their mouth? Or have I now become too sensitized to her manipulative ways? Once I calm down (gray rock) from the last episode and get to a point where I can discuss family matters again, I pick up on one of these controlling remarks and here we go again. If she could just not talk to me at all, I think I could make it.
Have same issue with sibling. They are relentless. I sense/know that when I balanced in myself, I see the manipulation and digs. Until that time, I need to go no contact or I will continue to engage and react. Best wishes - I know how painful this can be.
Its a cycle. 😑 You deserve better!
I can’t even begin to say thank you for helping me understand my spouse’s behavior and actions and I am getting help now
Thank you for all that you do and share, Michele! You, along with other CZcamsrs on this subject having been priceless! God bless!
Thank you for the help, struggling to understand any of whats going on
I am the scapegoat. My narcissistic parent told me I was “different “ and that his other two were more like him. One of those other two was the golden child. Now that he has passed she sings his accolades and has taken to picking up where he left off. The other of the two is an alcoholic with narcissistic angry behavior. One is covert, the other overt, both are just like him. He was right, I am different!
I was raised by two narcs...I grew up so helpless and looked for somebody to save me from them but no one showed up...Even my father didn't protect me from them...I suspect my grandmother was also a narc....
Thank You! Michele
Wow 😳 makes Total sense to me 😮 , Thank You !! ✌️🙏
Well said, Michelle. 😎
guy here. I had no idea i was being abused. send these vids to your brothers and sons.
This is really helpful, thanks 💙
Thanks reminds me of my ex and my some parts my mother ❤
Spot on 💯
You mentioned the “last one” so much that I skipped to it immediately. . .
You need to Watch it all. Excellent information
My 33 year old narcissist daughter is still a toddler
ANOTHER sign of abuse, HEART ATTACK. Ask me how I know. Great message, Michele. Thanks for the support.
Thanks
It's incredibly difficult to know what goes on in their horrifically flawed and toxic schema. What I have learned after a lifetime of exposure to their abuses is that truth, facts and reality have NO place in their existence. They lie about anything and everything and it's perfectly normal for them - like, what's the problem? They are reminiscent of a cyborg and any similarity to a real human is entirely cursory.
Why it is extremely difficult to deal with them is because we continually and naturally revert to normal reactions, projections and expectations when we're actually dealing with an anthropomorphous barrel of toxic waste. It looks like a person, sometimes even acts like a person but they not a real person - just a dangerous, often violent, destructive and toxic facsimile.
Oh yeah, and Michele... ❤💖💗 for a long time now.
The difference between a coach and a psychologist/therapist is that the latter know that covert narcisism will NOT get to be a personality disporder. Only the overt/grandiose narcissism can get to be a disorder. Go to a someone who is a psychologist (a clinical one) - that professional won't certify you in anything, he/she won't turn you from a survivor into a coach but he/she does know how to deal with this suff.
Thank you.♥️💔♥️
Ok, I need to interject something here. I found your videos the other day and fell in love. You speak about narcissism in such a clear and concise way that i have never heard it explained before and I’m finally realizing why I am having such a painful and confusing experience.
But then you said this: "We know that addicts take no responsibility for their actions. It's always somebody else's fault."
Cue record scratch. I cannot believe that line was in there. Is it traumatic for a child to grow up with a child whose parent is struggling with addiction? Yes. Are there parents with addictions who are neglectful and abusive? Absolutely. But the terminology you are using and the blanket characterization of this is appalling and harmful.
I work as a psychiatric nurse with those battling addiction. It hurts my heart to hear someone refer to them as addicts instead of people battling addiction.
Addiction is not a disease in and of itself. It's a coping mechanism. No one is addicted to heroin because they like heroin. They become addicted to heroin because the trauma they experienced caused them to feel pain that is too intolerable to bear without it. When I ask them about their lives, I hear stories of abuse, neglect, and lack of social support that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I also have issues with the blanket statement that "they don’t take responsibility for their actions." People battling addiction often cannot keep up with their responsibilities. And will quite often become very defensive if you shame them for that. That part is true.
But the reason that's happening is because you are shaming people for their shortcomings without giving any consideration to why they are struggling in the first place, it's going to trigger them just like your example of the mother stepping over her child in pain. They don't currently have the tools to fix it no matter how much you shame them. And if you have a behavior that you literally can't control because your brain and nervous system were damaged by abuse, it can be too psychologically painful to acknowledge that part of yourself. So yes, you will see some excuses and denial.
You can also make the argument that narcissists engage in the same compartmentalization. But they difference is, addiction isn't a personality disorder. If you talk to someone with addiction with compassion and understanding, they express and feel regret all the time. Narcissists do not and cannot.
I’m not claiming that growing up with a parent struggling with addiction isn’t traumatic. But what about the survivors of narcissistic parents who are suffering from addiction as a result? Those people are in your audience and you just told them they are as worthless as their parents made them feel. Many are currently being shamed by their narcissist ABOUT the addiction they only developed BECAUSE of that narcissistic abuse.
Please reexamine your beliefs about addiction and be more careful with how you discuss it in the future.
I just want to stop hurting...
Are you okay?
one thing i find super confusing is how you meet all these people. I can go for days without talking to another human being. I'm completely worthless and disabled in a tiny town where the only activity is drinking. and I gave up alcohol due to legislated poverty. how do you go from one abusive relationship to another when literally no other human being wants to talk to you?
The hard part is, being a child of narcissistic parents, you learn to act out hurt and pains me suffering as a form of living. It's like, "If I play the role of sufferer maybe I'll get the attention I seek". Breakout free from this you will see the other people react how a narcissist would react. Gaslighting, using info against you after acting nice to gain your trust, trash talking. But in reality this is the same stuff they have always done.
7:30 From EXPERIENCE, this pain is what these voyeuristic criminals thrive on, video without consent, and share with their warped, inhuman online co-conspirators. The goal in organized stalking and harassment, which "...is carried out by an enthusiastic and structured group that has cruel intentions," according to the targeted mental health professional who wrote "No Ordinary Stalking" is to "stalk, harass, injure, financially ruin, and mentally crumple human prey until incapacitation occurs."
HITLER AND HIS PALS WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS. PREY JUST WANT EITHER ACCOUNTABILITY AND JUSTICE OR A HUMANE, SWIFT END. IT DOES GET TO THE POINT WHERE WHAT THAT END MEANS MATTERS.
Is heavy cigarette smoking a sign of narcissistic folk liable to resort to narc abuse?
Thank you. Do you have a video on signs of being in a covert abusive relationship?
I had a covert narcissistic mum and she was very much in control of her emotions all the time and blaming us kids when we got upset cos she was unfair or manipulating or hurting us. She felt superior to always be in control of her emotions actually and even mentionned it to us as being superior for always being in control of herself, she was really cold hearted and never lost control. She though manipulated emotionally all the time as being a poor victim and sad when we didn't obey and controlled us with the silent treatment. On the contrary my narcissisitic dad had tantrums..... so I do not feel what is explained here applies to all the different types of narcissism
one L Michele it seems to me like the authentic self is the great mystery. A big piece of it wasn't just damaged by narcs, but by the experience of school.
🙏
I wish i could explain this to people
Evil has many faces💯
so glad she is gone.
If a father treats his daughter badly because of cultural reasons, would this be considered narcissistic? Sort of like a woman needs to be put in her place and doesn't know better than him?
Are you still doing the coaching? Thank you for the videos.
What do i do with the medical professionals and therapist who listen to me talk about the abuse then push me go back because he is my husband and I have something called a soul contract with him? Which has the effect of making me mad at my soul for choosing a life of abuse, which I do not find helpful. do not know what I did to these women that makes them feel I need more years of abuse. but every time, they push me hard to go back. i fail to see why i need more, there is only death that way, i have so many auto immune diseases now and I explained that I do not sleep well on the floor in the living room in public view. some of the mold is out of the house but that section has no floor, just a sheet of plastic between the floor and the the earth a few feet below. given it took eight years to get him to address the leak which is actually a fast household repair and they where able to save the main support wall. He needs to work, because they praise him, or at least they did. it seems he is not as popular as he is behaving like the toddler he is. I really hate having to have him vent at me and I would receive at least an hour or two which unfortunately really upped during covid. leave them is obvious but its three supports I actually need, plus that doesn’t solve the problem. i still feel like shit and am stuck ruminating. my rational mind knows that they either don’t believe me, are wrapped up in their own story and are not conscious of what they are doing. it sure does kick off the not enough, I am bad, I deserve to suffer. oh and the added kicker, they all know he uses the exact same wording and abuse my mother used as she gave him a full run down as a birthday gift, something she feels is the only reason I am still married given how awful I am. it would be nice if I could sleep again.
If we have no rights, do they like it when we abuse them?
How do you explain this to your children who have been turned against you by their step/adoptive father?
For the coaching , 700 USD total? Or 3 monthly payments of 700? Thank you
For no apparent reason the narcissist family member will ghost me...for like weeks and weeks or months..until there is a reason to see them and then they will love bomb and act completely normal like no time has gone by. Why would someone act like this? I just can't make sense of it and don't know how to respond. Any thoughts or help would be appreciated.
This way they create a so called trauma bond. Be careful: you are already starting to ask yourself why, which means you already start to make your self worth dependent on the narcissistic family member!
Don‘t seek to understand thEM, since this will only get you deeper into the toxic cycle! If you can, cut the contact!
I definitely think this community is lacking a bit of self knowledge if sex is not mentioned as a motivator.
💜💙💚💎💯💯
Exactly. Only 3 months with a CN and I’m a mess. I’m very sensitive and empathic- which is what made the relationship end (I asked wayyy too many questions) but in the aftermath I am feeling so much anxiety, wanting to isolate and I’ve had sciatica intensely for the last month - something I haven’t had in years. There were so many red flags and moments I should have walked away even sooner (all within that short time period) but once I was triggered I went into my old fawning response and it was game on. Suddenly I was begging for scraps of love from a guy who felt more like my alcoholic mother than a boyfriend. My intuition was screaming, but it’s amazing how in my fear and anxiety- I moved TOWARD the danger. Suddenly I needed to make it okay for HIM. I’m so grateful it didn’t last longer. It’s been a month since we broke up and I’m still unpacking shame, embarrassment, insecurity and so much physical tension❤️🩹I’ve worked through a lot of childhood trauma and was feeling pretty centered and balanced before I met him. I’m trying to just look at it as a lesson and spotlight on where I need to shore up my boundaries and self love, but man-that was a doozy!