Is A Woman Wasting Her Time With A Mother-Enmeshed Man?
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- čas přidán 7. 10. 2021
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Would I be correct when I say that the majority of the people watching your videos aren't the ones suffering from enmeshment-trauma, but are the partners they chose?
Yes. Taking into account all the feedback I receive and the data from the analytics, that is right.
Yes.
I left a relationship 6 years ago because he was enmeshed with mom. I miss him but not that part of him, and I knew he wouldn’t change. He’s 50 now and I wonder sometimes how many women have dealt with him and his issues since. Sad. 😢
Hello Irish Marie, yes this is sad. Fortunately, you were able to break free and save yourself.
@@oliverjrcooper amen to THAT!
There is hope but only if he acknowledges the problem and commits to solving it. Even then it's a hard road if there are sex or porn issues. I've been hurt a lot and we did break up several times. I finally left and was making a happy life for myself when he came back. He is working hard in therapy. I believe that he's being honest with me and he's promised that he will not let me down. We are working things out together with the help of our therapists and I feel very good about our future. Because he's a wonderful man. We're not perfect, but we're perfect for each other. If the man's commitment is there, if he wants to finally live his own life, he can do the work and be a great partner -- capable and caring.
Spent ten years with an enmeshed boy/man like this. His emotionally incestuous, financially blackmailing, narcissistic mom won. I’m ten years clear, single and happy. Now some other poor woman is trying to get him to marry her. Good luck with that!
Completely wasted time and even if they make breakthroughs and see it, it’s a very strong bond
Oh my goodness, that was eye-opening. I began to notice an intimacy issue very early on in our relationship. As soon as I suspected it, I tried to talk to him. He was very receptive and even started therapy. I had never heard of "mother-enmeshment or emotional incest". I could feel he was emotionally unavailable and suspected it had something to do with his mother. They were strangely too close. I think he felt she was his responsibility. I could feel energetically, he was already "taken" by his mother and daughter. I realized there was really no room for me. His therapist said he needed to learn to be authentic, because he never developed his own "self". He started voicing things to me that he didn't like, trying to be authentic... and his personality changed. He became short tempered and even less interested in me. When I would try to talk to him about his therapy sessions, he said it was none of my business:( He stopped going to therapy after only three sessions, and that is when I left. He is a wonderful person. I have experienced the best he has to share, but he would slip back into an almost robotic state of loyalty to his mother and daughter. I could feel his energy was not with me. Was it ever? He started to create boundaries with his mother and daughter and I was so proud of him, but I think it made him dislike me even more. I know the Universe is trying to wake him up. For my health and wellness, I know I did the right thing by leaving. I felt his relief and turmoil all at the same time. He was relieved I would be gone, but would miss a relationship. We were best friends. It wasn't until I left two months ago that I found your channel and learned about mother-enmeshed men. This is him and it absolutely breaks my heart that he has been robbed of his life. He is 54 years old. I did the right thing for me. Did I do the right thing for him?
Wow!!! I feel like we were with the same guy.
How are things now?
@@londoncuppa1963 I am doing great, but miss him very much. We had to text back and forth a few times because my name was on the electric and phone, etc., and he is very blunt and to the point with his words. It's like he never knew me and I'm a stranger now. I've been kind and... I told him that I would always love him and would be here if he ever needs help, but I have to take care of my self.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Aftertheirkind.
"Did I do the right thing for him?" - I guess it all depends on how he responds. If this has given him the push that he needs to do the work and gradually break away, it will serve him.
The man thing, though, is that you have taken care of yourself.
@@oliverjrcooper Thank you very much.
Yes, wasting time for sure.
Your videos and wisdom are so practical and healing. Thank you again
You are welcome, Jennifer. Thank you - I greatly appreciate your feedback.
Are the people who suffer from enmeshment-trauma like narcissist's who deny they have a problem and never seek help? I know their trauma isn't their fault and there is no malicious intent behind their actions, but don't they have a responsibility to seek help when they know there is something wrong? I feel like I got the short end of the stick. I loved this person and invested six years of my life with him. I played it out until there was nothing left for me to do, because he pushed me away. Why couldn't he love me back? Can you or have you done a video on this yet? My suspicion was always that he was already "taken". Is that correct? Are enmeshed-men already "married" to their mothers? Do they feel like they're cheating if they are with a partner? Oh my gosh...this is just so awful to me. I feel like I was... abused or even worse, I feel like I was the other woman:( But I did this to myself by staying, didn't I? Oh geeze.....what to do now with these thoughts?
As I see, this is just part of human nature. We all have defenses - lies we tell ourselves to avoid pain - that allow us to handle life. Once a defence is in place, one is not aware of it; if they were, the defence wouldn't work. czcams.com/video/Gp5ZrnSjw_k/video.html
Yes, they do have a responsibility to seek help. However, due to the defences that they will have in place, as I have said, this is not always something that takes place.
Well, my advice would be for you to work on yourself. Do what you need to do to move forward.
Research avoidant attachment. That goes hand-in-hand with enmeshment IMO. I found that issue and showed him and he agreed that I was correct. But we didn't know the root of the problem until I discovered enmeshment and that was completely on the nose. My guy was in enough pain over his life and was motivated to change. And he finally trusts me to be a good thing for him and not suffocate or engulf him. I think it takes a lot of effort by the partner. Develop a thicker skin and understand that his behavior usually has nothing to do with you so don't take it personally. But he needs to eventually match your effort or he's wasting your time.
Unmesh
Omg Iv just gone thru this, his entire world was what mom said he is 55, it was like his mom aloud guy things hunting away etc but concerning his girlfriend, me, never, she came between it constantly he didn’t see it, she would play sick if he planned things with me, 88 years of manipulation, so sad a loving man , but I realize I couldn’t change it he would need to. My late 40’s almost 50, I love him but I guess I felt he should see mom doesn’t run him. So, I cried , realized, Not up to me. I walked away. Part of me thinks he knew he was enmeshed but cuz of her age 88, didn’t want to cause any waves . (Guess in case she would pass) ( guilt thing). Im guessing part of his reason for wanting to remain friends, which I did not except. I felt pretty unfair to me. Obvious was he had me on side burner to mom . Im assuming he realizes he is emeshed.
It's hard when Mom has created this system to meet her own needs and then becomes too old or ill to be forced into a change. My guy's mother is 84, has played the sick card like your ex's mom, and she needs a lot of help. Fortunately, she has come around and likes me. Probably because I've been willing to adapt and have not taken him away from her like someone else might. My guy's working hard in therapy and has resolved many problems, including a porn addiction, which is common with mother-enmeshed men. We are making this work and it does because I finally do come first and we all know it.
What happens to the man when the mom dies?
How Can A Mother-Enmeshed Man Respond When His Mother Passes On? czcams.com/video/L924FMGQ234/video.html
This is my life but w the sister 🥺
There is something else going on there.....
❤🙏