Yup! Texting is a good outlet for me because it gives me a lot of time to think, and because we're not face to face the pauses aren't awkward! Also I've noticed introverts tend to have a lot to say if they're comfortable and they're given time to open up, so texting is a good medium :)
#1 Quit the small talk and get on to something interesting. "The weather is beautiful today." "It is, do you think we should engage in an all out trade war against China?"
I think there's a difference between an introvert and social anxiety/awkwardness. Introverts don't necessarily feel awkward, since they can be confident, they just are more exhausted by social interactions.
This. I deal with shyness, anxiety, and introversion. Small talk is excruciating, a group gathering with a purpose makes for easier choices for what to talk about. Shyness isn't low self esteem. I have confidence and can make friends. Flirting though...😂.
social interactions are more exhausting to us introverts because we're highly sensitive to small little negative emotions, we feel more anxious than extroverts, angrier than extroverts, more embarassed and we're bored by superficiality which all contribute to draining our social batery considerably more.
Right. I mean I have trouble getting into being playful while talking to someone. I think it's because of depression really. Takes me a lot. I wish there were more videos on getting into being playful actually.
My favorite piece of advice in this video is the waiter interrupting analogy. If you are telling someone a story and you get interrupted, and the other person doesn't bring the conversation back to the story you were telling, they clearly weren't interested, so just move on. It's also a great way to show someone else that you were paying attention. If someone is telling me a story and we get interrupted, I will say "So you were telling me about..." and then I'll repeat the last thing they told me. People appreciate this, it shows that you were listening and that you care!
@@SirCanuckelhead Not really. I’m not asking the other person, “What did I just say?” I’m saying, “You were telling me about this thing, please continue.” Two completely different things.
My problem is that I often just don't know what to say. When I'm talking with someone my head is constantly like 'OKAY, WHAT CAN I SAY TO THIS, THINK THINK, UHM YEAH I AGREE THAT'S NICE!' but I can hardly ever think of something interesting, while if I'm alone after that I can suddenly think of a dozen interesting topics I could have talked about. It's really annoying. :p
I’m not an expert but I’ve found that really paying attention to what the other person is saying and asking follow up open ended questions works to keep the conversation going until something comes up that relates to my personal experiences or opinions.
The problem that we have with coversation is that we make it about us. "How do I sound? What do I say? Am I being weird? What if they dont like Me?" You should actually focus on the Person you're talking to: Who are They, what do They like, what do They do, why do They like what they like, what do They think about xyz? It gets easier the more you practice. I practice at work and it's helped my social skills A LOT. I'm not Oprah but I got more conversational skill now than I had 3 months ago! You can do it too!
Gerrit DeMan I get really scared when I don’t know exactly what I’m doing in every situation, especially conversation. I start shaking and I can’t think properly at all, which just makes it worse. It’s so frustrating and awkward.
Charisma on Command: 💡 _I'm gonna use Kanye as an example to teach these guys how to master conversations!_ Kanye: _I'm bout to end this man's whole career_
You could spin it off as a joke or joke how you blundered. That’s what I do all the time. I say something like, “OMG! My brain is failing me. Ugh. Why?” I say it in a serious yet sarcastic tone. At the end of the day, people will either live you or be indifferent about you. Hope that helps
So why is it that we introverts do that? Are we naturally predisposed to doing that? Because i literally was thinking of having a deep topic with a friend later on tonite to make sure I could make the conversation last longer
@@InglesporMinutoconAnthonyMartz don't these deep conversations end just abruptly and just make you feel awkward and i don't even feel awkwardness mostly talk about something you and your friend share which made you get the chance to know each other this the fruit for unlimited small talk
Does anyone else get chills through their whole body when you’re suppose to be saying something in a conversation but you really can’t come up with anything? I do all the time and just stand there awkwardly overthinking on what to try to say.
As an introvert, something I like to do to skip small talk all together is just ask a hypothetical or interesting question. Some of my go-to favorites are "Is soup a drink?", "What do you think about garlic bread?", or the classic immortal snail problem.
Me: "Hey." Her: "Hey." Her: "How are you doing?" Me: Not bad... How are you doing? Her: I'm doing great! *awkward silence* Me: "nervous chuckle.. yeah.. well, i have to go but it was nice seeing you! talk to you later" xD
Then all people are introverts. There is absolutely no need in illogical unpleasant not understandable "small talk" that has no value other than following a local british cultural standard non existing in the outer world. There is no such thing like small talk outside of britain. The world does not revolve around you. You do small talk - you are considered at best low intellectual or low-confident by 400 millions of post soviet citizens. At worst you can end up in a clinic. This is NOT okay to "small" talk unless you are scared, in state of affect or in rave
How to improve your charisma. Step 1. Do no try to get attention by wearing a mask covering your entire face just after a major ethical controversy involving kids as well as the company producing that mask. Step 2. Do no express that you loooooove a particular historical figure known being antisemetic and for his their involvement in the holocaust. Step 3. Do not post symbols which are tied to groups who were responsible for the biggest war in history on your social media profiles, particularly not if that group was a variant of facism known for race hate against people with those with the same genetic backgroud as yourself. Step 4. If for some reason you feel an urge to do 1, 2 or 3. seek professional help. Do not, I repeat, do not go on like television.
As a former introvert, I would like to excuse you from all this trouble and enlighten you with a magic solution to instantly be able to handle small talk. And that is to just SAY ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. Literally. Anything that comes to mind - you say it. It is the most effective way to become more extroverted and be able to handle small talk or even keep a convo going. Your mind silently makes up answers, statements, questions, jokes and possible teases to anything that has been stated, it just doesn't propose them to you directly. It kind of hides them deeper in your brain. Your have to manually catch them and then the only thing left to do is to sound them out. Simple. At first, it might seem intimidating because you dont know which of the many sentances given to you by your brain to pick. Thats why you should first try it out on your close friends (my no.1 choice) because even if you mess up they won't take it seriously. Then, after you get the hang of it, it becomes as easy as just saying things. I am not kidding. You just start talking on autopilot and it works (talking from experience here). So yeah be sure to try this out and I hope y'all are prepared to ace any upcoming small talk. Best of luck :)
Introvertism and extrovertism can't really change, it's how your brain is wired. But yes, you can definitely learn to _behave_ differently. You still need time to be alone and recharge, right?
This is a funny concept but I wonder if it would work. You see, I find myself "parsing" all of the subjects as they occur in my head before I bring them up in conversation. Maybe if I turned the parser off... lol
Thanks so much it’s nice knowing there’s people like you sharing your experience! I’ll try practicing this in my head and test it out with the close friends I have and family members thank so much :D
Kimberlyn Mcmurray I literally have the same problem, so to combat that I began just talking about stuff that interests me, as long as it was mildly appropriate in the convo. So for example, I actually found in like job interviews the employer actually respected ( occasionally) if I asked 'hey have you seen that new movie...' or whatever. I thought I may as well try it a few times as it's better than an awkward silence.
I am dating one and I completely agree with you. Ican't get enough of everything he says. He's fascinating. And I only waited 2 full years ;-) now, not letting him go, ever
Small talk with stranger is easy. It's small talking with coworkers or classmates that is hard. Eventually you're going to run out of things to say and the only thing you talk about after that is work, which is boring.
same. i always loved talking to strangers, they hold no expectation nor standard or view over me yet and it makes me feel like i can be anyone i want because of the no-impression zone that we haven't quite pass through yet. DONT KNOW IF THIS MAKES SENSE BUT I DONT REALLY CARE. im tired. bye.
Exactly! I like talking to strangers or meeting new people, but sadly at some point i run out of things to talk about with the ones i know (classmates)... so it gets kinda awkward... thats what i was hoping for to find in a video
For me it's quite the opposite: I don't know what to talk about around strangers, don't know how to start a conversation because I barely know the person. On the other hand there are various conversation topics that I can start with a classmate or someone else that I know.
My problem is I end up getting mad at myself if the other person doesn’t doesn’t like me after our interaction. I don’t feel like I did well enough in our conversation because I want to improve to be a better talker and I end up angry. Sometimes I’m even frustrated with myself while the conversation is going on. I’m annoyed even thinking about it. It happened earlier today and got in my head all day.
That mid-conversation frustration is the absolute worst, especially when you feel the other person picking up on it in real time. The internal conflict between wanting to improve your interaction skills, whilst also fighting the intrusive thoughts that you're not doing good enough is literal hell. The weight of doing these mental gymnastics makes interactions really exhausting too, further disincentivising the journey for improvement. Isn't life great haha
I have always considered myself an introvert. I *hate* mindless small talk! When I was a young kid, I was painfully shy around strangers also. As an adult, I no longer feel shy, but I do tend to be mostly quiet around people I don't know well. It took a long time, but I finally was able to understand what it was that made me feel uncomfortable talking to strangers. And that is I don't like confrontation. I like to avoid it if at all possible. I just find it exhausting. And, when talking to a stranger at a party, etc., you don't really have any idea of the mindset of that person, so you risk offending them and causing confrontation. I have found that when I am surrounded by intelligent, open minded strangers, conversation just happens organically with little effort. But most people do not fall into this camp. Most are unintelligent, brainwashed sheep, and those few of us that are "awake" will inevitably annoy them or become annoyed ourselves leading to confrontation. I realize how arrogant this sounds, but it is really true.
I'm so awkward. Most of the time when there's a pause between the conversation and my mind goes blank trying to think of something to say to engage, I just smile and say "yeah."
@@nimo2714 oh gosh once time i was checking out at a supermarket and asked if there was a deal going on still and after he scanned my items and confirmed the deal was indeed still active i just went “cool.” HAHahha….. 😓😓
I always acknowledged videos like these as to understanding introverts like myself- but this explains it in a much deeper and actually solving it in an interestingly engaging way.
Honestly same my girlfriend considers me an extrovert but in reality I’m an introvert and this video was tough to dread through but I feel like it helped
Me and my sister are very similar to each other. We both have pretty high anxiety, including social anxiety, and were introvert. I realized early on small talk is in fact a skill that you need to keep practicing with. Got to the point where I'm comfortable talking to anyone without feeling weird. My sister on the other hand is still struggling but I'm trying my best to get her through it. This was a great video, a few tips I found personally. Wish everyone the best of luck!
Yeah same here :// It's gotten so bad that I actively hide from my friends if I see a one-on-one convo coming up :( (If they're in a group it's fine though)
@@blankness8 huh I'm the exact opposite. I'm fine with a one-on-one but as soon as there are multiple people having some sort of expectation that I contribute something to the conversation I'm out
Speaking as someone who's always been an introvert but learned a lot from working in hospitality and retail: ask questions (about the other) whenever you don't know what to say. Listening to others is far more helpful than thinking of what you want to say or when or how you have to say it.
valid, but there have been many times where I consciously 'take charge' by asking questions which leads to the other person getting too self-involved. I end up learning everything about them without them having learned anything from me because I can not get a word in or, if I relate to myself for some balance, they steer it to themselves again. that's when you realise they're either very insecure or a narc.
Been working on my conversation skills over the past year. I still struggle with small talk, but I’ve found that I faire really well once the ice is broken
Introverts don't have these functions "built-in", but we can learn from videos like this, or books in my case, before CZcams. Learn and practice. I'm still an introvert with social anxiety, but people who don't know me well usually can't tell. Obviously I'm still working on it, since I'm watching this video and just subbed to this channel. Blue Skies!!
I'm sorry to all of you who feel you don fit in and I'm sorry for the people who don't get you. In my friend group there is one of us who is introvert but we understand and we try to make him feel as comfortable as possible and make him feel part of the group cuz he is. I hope you all find good friends that understand.
God I love this community, where we can talk about this uncomfortable subjects and actually see that everybody is bothered with this stuff to different extent. I love you all
@@findlayrankin9769 actually, I'm quite good at smalltalk. However that doesn't mean that I'm always interested in everything that someone says. Some people are just boring.
The problem with introverts is that they're intuitive enough to know that making small talk is a waste of time. It's incredibly awkward pretending to exchange worthless banter and niceties with others who likely want nothing to do with you and vice versa. All it ever leads to is extreme tension and feelings of isolation.
Seems like my people have gathered in the comments... now we can all stand around in awkward silence, laugh nervously, and not make eye contact together ...
There is not one single conversation where I didn't obsess afterward about how awful I was. I HATE small-talk but understand it's a necessary evil if we exist in society, or have family we love. I think these pointers will help me so much. Thank you! I only hope I can remember to use them. Oh, I should say, my dread of conversations is due to my extreme awkwardness along with a feeling that people expect something from me. Like, I am trying so hard to be helpful in keeping the conversational ball rolling, that I'll steal it and run with it, bouncing it wildly all over the place so that, even if someone else wants to join in, they probably can't. Maybe that's introversion paired with ADHD, laced with a hefty dose of coming from a large family that expects participation no matter how much you don't want to.
Not an introvert, but I remember struggling and having to take some time to learn to keep a meaningful, engaging conversation. Personally, I find there are a few rules that made it much easier for me to keep a conversation going: -Whenever asked a question, try to answer with in- depth, descriptive answers instead of short, simple answers, like 'yes', 'no', 'I'm fine', 'It was good', etc. An exception to this rule is if you can tell that the person who asked the question wants you to give a short answer so that they can follow up temselves and add context. Don't be like Kanye and answer "Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. Yes." to a series of questions meant to get a conversation going. -Whenever discussing a certain topic, it can be good to just add in a few tangents about topics related to whatever you are talking about. You should give enough information that others may become curious about the tangent and start asking questions or talking about that. Tangents should however not be so large that they derail from the original topic unless the other person wants to do so. -Ask questions that encourage the person being asked to give an in-depth answer rather than a 'yes' or 'no'. Don't ask 'How was your day?', but rather something like 'Have you done anything interesting today?', and follow up with more qestions or talk about whatever they mention. -Pick up on small tangents that someone adds while talking, and ask questions or start talking more about the tangents. If someone mentions their work, a hobby, or some interesting event, ask questions about that to try to arrive at a topic that you will both find interesting to talk about. -Don't talk politics. Politics really easily get frustrating and boring, and can be a good way to kill the mood. It is fine to bring up current topics that people may be divided on, but don't start an argument about it.
@@Observerw I just mean like, I don't understand how to have a normal conversation with people, I never have anything to say. Also when someone tells me something I never feel the need to say anything back, but when I think about it another person would have so much to say and it would lead to a great conversation. Am just really never interested in what people have to say, only when they are people am close to or if it's about something that interests me. But also am just someone who easily shuts out the world so attention span is short. I also tend to be very blunt, I say what I feel before realising it's gonna hurt someone, my friends have told me about this so many times that I don't have a filter.
@@mimimira5412 I don't think there's any problem with that. I have problems talking to normal people, but I kinda built a "list" of "normal" topics in my head I can ask about to make the other person carry the conversation. It really depends on the person and conversations tend to die in around a minute, though. With weirdos, on the other hand, I can just talk for hours and hours making weird noises and meme references.
I find these videos very interesting, but I hate watching them because then I feel like I'm a lifeless robot that has to learn how to hold a full conversation with someone.
1:00 Notice subtle openings for you to share your thoughts 2:15 Respond with an open-ended statement to keep the conversation going 3:00 You don't have to answer questions if you want to talk about something else 4:11 Pause to create opt-in points for others 5:22 Try to get to a conversational topic you both care about
This video is in exactly the teaching format I need! I just found it but I hope there are more. This might sound silly but I'm going to write some of this down.
As a introvert I mastered this at work without realizing that was what I was doing. I have always avoided conversations unless they were about specific deep meaningful topics, or certain activities I was really invested in. If I had little interest in the current topic, or if the topic was just small talk. I am nearly dead silent just listening to the others in the room talk.
I can actually hear those voices while reading this. God,that's so annoying!!!!People never actually get it, do they??? I am quiet ,because you guys are doing enough damage by yourselves....Please just let me be!!!
I know the feeling but in order for us to blend in with society you must do as I have done and transform yourself into a charismatic manipulative sweet talker so we can get into positions of power and take over the world from the inside.
I usually tell people to stfu with the small talk and say something interesting and then it starts something funny AND also makes them feel more confortable to say anything they might want to without much restriction/filter.
@@anneneville6255 i mean im an introvert who is awkward but i don't show to others my awkward side i keep it to myself so u may have met awkward introverts but they didn't show u their awkward side
How to handle small talk as an introvert: 1. Be chatty 2. Control the conversation 3. Be witty or funny 4. Make sure everyone in the conversation is having fun So ... be an extrovert. I don’t know why I never thought of that. The next conversation will be a breeze!
But if you would rather never leave your house, when you do have to leave your house, your social interaction, that are inevitable, will function much less efficiently and fun then if you would go out, have a few VERY awkward and embarrassing conversations on your way to success. This is coming from an introverted person who would much rather not leave the confines of their house, but would also like to make social interactions less awkward then they are right now. It comes down to how you feel about interacting, would you rather it be better? Then you need to put in that work…this is assuming you weren't just making a joke that was baseless in the reality of your situation.
It's all in you're head, trust me. Put yourself in the right situation and you will be amazed at how social you can be. That will be the stepping stone and it will only get better from there.
I hate when there is awkward silence after you decide to open up and talk. Like the other person expected you to stay silent but now they feel weird that you aren't It's like they know that you are an introvert, so they give you the silent treatment to try to keep themselves above you lol
I always remember Anna Akana's tip for dealing with small was to ask the other person questions because people love talking about themselves (and you end up learning/getting to know the other person better)
Unfortunately only very few people are _acutally_ interested in what others say. They just wanna dump all their shit thoughts on you, expecting you to shut up (because they leave no openings whatsoever) and then, even when you wanna engage in their story by sharing an experience, they interrupt and/or don't listen. That's why I hate small talk, actively, and it has nothing to do with being an introvert for me. I'd rather talk with a random stranger about their passion or the damn universe than go through a stupid conversation checklist.
I completely agree. I've been duped a few times. Someone asks me a question that appears to be a conversation starter so I engage, but they just use my engagement as a segue to drone on and on about themselves or lecture me about a topic that they know very little about. I know one particular person who seems to asks me questions with the sole intent of disagreeing with my answer.
Then you are not listening either. If they so desperately wanna tell you something, acknowledge it and then finish the topic no matter how long it takes which will result in opennings... if they keep repeating the same thing then YOU failed as a listener. If they keep ignoring what you have to say, either speak up about it, or find new people to talk to.
Small talk is boring as an introvert. REALLY REALLY BORING. "How are you?" "Good." Then there is silence and I'm FORCED to continue the conversation when they won't! I HATE when that happens!
I just found a solution, say 'What have you been up to lately?' I personally never used it but I heard all extroverts effectively say it at the beginning of conversation. Try it
Its because "How are you" is not a literal question, its a greeting: "How are you doing?" "I'm fine, what about you?" "Wonderful." This is the same as 2 parties saying "Hi", but with a bit more substance so the parties can better gauge the situation and be able to direct the conversation appropriately. Its not just about the words that are being said, its also about the tone, facial expression and hand gestures.
Sometimes it's because you lack confidence in yourself and how other perceive you. Jimmy was absolutely BEGGING to be interrupted any kinda comment by Kanye, but if you believe the person speaking doesn't care what you have to say then you'll just say nothing. I struggle pretty hard with this too, but just try to remember that people talking to you usually want to hear what you have to say.
@@garrycotton7094 Yeah, Kanye was nodding and looking engaged. Probably wondering, "Where is this going?" Short of talking over Jimmy I don't see that the comments suggested that he should make would be relevant and could be taken as rude in certain contexts.
I just can't do it. When there's a group of people i just laugh, smile and nod, but when is only other person and me, i can't. I let the other person talk, and talk, and talk (that's why i feel more comfortable with extroverts that can't shut up, so i don't have to talk). But when they ask me my opininion i'm just like "oh...i see" or "yeah". When they ask me to tell stories i just can't think of anything. I have nothing to talk about with strangers.
Yes! I love small bigger groups (as in, groups that are still small but have at least four people) because there's not so much focus on me. One on one is actual torture. That's why all my close friends are extroverts lol, they just talk talk talk talk and if I like what they talk about then we're friends haha :D (I do try hard to think of interesting questions but sometimes they fall flat. My brain isn't hard wired for talking).
For me at least I have a serious problem to fully engage in a conversation, or I can't start it, or it's just me talking. The funny thing is, a part of my friends have the same problem as you, so when I give a opening they just say "yeah", "hum" or nothing at all
@@thesexyskywalker3283 im just socially awkward. sometimes i say too much of nothing. (also doesnt help cuz im a janitor and that's my morning greets to teachers). sometimes i plan ahead of what to say. nothing comes naturally.. i think it's supposed to be natural.... right?
Then you should stop saying 'good' when you doesn't feel good. Say 'No.', 'Not really.', 'I'm not sure.'; so they can ask you why and you can drop a bit of complaint about life and they can drop theirs. Bam! a conversation. I was like that too, a bit better now tho. The key is to understand that even the ones who seems confident have their own problems, so talking about your problem can make people relate to you.
10/10 video , people who have knowledge about the art of talking should always share it with those who they encountered ( who are missing that knowledge)
1:35 (Feel) - To move through small talk mention how the other persons statement makes you feel. 2:58 (Better Question) - Don’t always answer the questions asked but use it as a springboard to answer a more interesting question related to what they asked. 4:12 (Opt In) - Create opt in points so people have a chance to jump in the convo. 5:20 (Deeper) - Steer conversation into deeper conversation you both care about. Ask ppl their opinions on movies or news stories or anything you care about.
the problem is that i genuinely dont care about 90% of the people i have smalltalk with so i dont feel like sharing anything out of my life and im not interested in theirs so i dont really listen. Which makes keeping the conversation going super hard.
Yeahh! That's why it's exhausting because we have to force ourselves to talk to them and squeeze or brains to think of something to say, and exert energy and effort to look interested in what their saying
I don't know if my kind of "introvertness" is different - but the problem I'm experiencing with small talk - especially with strangers - is that i very quickly run out of stuff to say. I can litterally not think of anything at all to move the conversation forward. I will probe every corner of my brain for anything to say, but nothing comes up. So if the other person is not extrovert enough to just ramble on and let me chime in when something finally triggers - then the conversation is over very quickly. So in theory these tools you are describing are fine - but they don't help. The problem is overcoming that mental block that very much feel like a black hole has suddenly opened in your mind - sucking away every idea you could talk about. You are simply pulling a blank however hard you try. That is also, I think, the reason is seems we answer so ilterally. It's the only thing we can come up with. Though iv'e gotten alot better the past 10 years - I will most often think so hard of what to say that i miss alot of social clues, and entire sentences from whom ever i am talking to. I've been both insulted and flirted with and never realised it before someone else have pointed it out afterwards, because I've been too busy being frustrated with trying to come up with something to say. In the end it will be so exhausting you just wanna go home where you can relax your mind a bit and be yourself. However - with people i know, for example my family, friends and close coworkers - we can talk for hours. In most professional interactions this is seldomly a problem either, when you just talk profesionally. It's only during small talk and social interactions this is a problem. For me anyway :)
I relate to you 100%. I think SO HARD for something to say, but I just can't come up with anything. Also because of that, if someone tries to joke with me, I'll just smile, because I can't think of something funny to say back. It's frustrating! It doesn't help that my twin sister is good at conversating and making friends :( Glad to know I'm not the only one!
I think it's because you're in your head too much when you're with new people. I'm like that too but i've gotten much better at being present in the moment when i'm talking to people.
SAARA thissss people will try to engage small talk with me and internally im like I WANT TO KEEP READING MY REDDIT THREAD ABOUT UNDERWATER KNITTING hahaha
Guys, one of the biggest things I've ever learned is that putting the label of introvert on yourself will only make you act the part even more. Don't get me wrong, you will always lean towards more introverted or extroverted activity. However, imo it's more like a gradient. I'm a massive introvert. However, over the last two years I've made the effort to come out of my shell and just learn to love to talk. This is key. Don't learn how to have a conversation, learn how to *love* having a conversation. To the point where I used to think talking was draining but now I find myself talking more and more to up my vibe. If I was ever in a bad mood I used to avoid talking. Now I actually *want* to talk because it gets me in a better mood, and it's all because I became genuinely interested in people and in talking. tl;dr don't use being an introvert or extrovert as an excuse for anything. Talking and expressing yourself is just like any other skill, you just have to put the effort in.
I spoke with a self-labelled introvert once who had the same approach as you. It made me think that having a growth mindset is applicable to so much more than, say, maths.
Brilliant! I used to have this mindset that if it’s not necessary to talk and if I can avoid the chance of any kind of awkward situation then so be it. But I said to myself, I guess not every interaction has to be necessary, and when I tried stepping out of my comfort zone and speaking to people I normally wouldn’t I’ve learnt so much! Things I wouldn’t have known before and it’s rewarding. Don’t get me wrong, some times were awkward, but I’m still alive lmao
So me..... I just would rather not do small talk. Its seems fake to me. Im so awkaward because I find myself wondering if people do actually care how my day is going (Fill in any other personal question) . Or is it out of politeness. I actually care if I ask. Thats whats so wierd for me and small talk.
Interesting coming from a woman. When I hear my sister chat with her friends, I feel like it's almost only small talk, like telling how you feel, listening to the other tell what her day was like while inserting short questions, acting like you're amazed ; "oh that's crazy !" while you're so obviously bored... When I talk with friends (men), the difference is so obvious. We don't do this kind of stuff, and when someone starts acting like that, we laugh at it, the person feels a bit stupid, laughs too, and we move on.
Wow. My worst fear, confirmed. I was telling a story, got interrupted, and wasn't asked to continue it. I'm obviously boring. I'm also constantly trying to think of how to not have awkward silence in conversation. 😔😔
There's true Introverts. Then there's people who have crippling social anxiety, low self esteem, or not smart, or anti social behavior, or egotistical and think they're too good for others that are grouped in to "Introverted". I feel like " Introverted " is a HUGE spectrum
I consider myself an introvert, but I don't feel like I lack social skills, I just feel that sometimes it is not worthy to talk about some topics. I just talk and socialize whenever I have to. I think people confuse being an introvert with a shy person
@@l429930 I think it depends on your social experiences. I used to be a shy person when I was a teenager. But then I was forced to socialize in order to survive and keep moving. So I learned to socialize whenever I have to. But it's not necessary, I don't like talking. Furthermore I don't feel nervous or anxious. It's like any other task for me. I'm just missing the charming skills. That's something I need to work on.
I've noticed that Introverts are not shy when texting .
Sam Fitt true
Yup! Texting is a good outlet for me because it gives me a lot of time to think, and because we're not face to face the pauses aren't awkward! Also I've noticed introverts tend to have a lot to say if they're comfortable and they're given time to open up, so texting is a good medium :)
Introversion ≠ shyness
Depends on if they can give me something to work with.
That's so me... When I start texting i can't stop
#1 Quit the small talk and get on to something interesting.
"The weather is beautiful today."
"It is, do you think we should engage in an all out trade war against China?"
lmao
😂
F*ck this 🤣 you should at least get 1k likes
lol, I almost spit on the screen. XD
Taxtro well, you did it
I think there's a difference between an introvert and social anxiety/awkwardness. Introverts don't necessarily feel awkward, since they can be confident, they just are more exhausted by social interactions.
This. I deal with shyness, anxiety, and introversion. Small talk is excruciating, a group gathering with a purpose makes for easier choices for what to talk about.
Shyness isn't low self esteem.
I have confidence and can make friends. Flirting though...😂.
🎯
social interactions are more exhausting to us introverts because we're highly sensitive to small little negative emotions, we feel more anxious than extroverts, angrier than extroverts, more embarassed and we're bored by superficiality which all contribute to draining our social batery considerably more.
Right. I mean I have trouble getting into being playful while talking to someone. I think it's because of depression really. Takes me a lot. I wish there were more videos on getting into being playful actually.
Yeah i have social anxiety which makes me avoid social situations completely.
My favorite piece of advice in this video is the waiter interrupting analogy. If you are telling someone a story and you get interrupted, and the other person doesn't bring the conversation back to the story you were telling, they clearly weren't interested, so just move on. It's also a great way to show someone else that you were paying attention. If someone is telling me a story and we get interrupted, I will say "So you were telling me about..." and then I'll repeat the last thing they told me. People appreciate this, it shows that you were listening and that you care!
The latter part is basically a common test for a boyfriend when his gf is talking, the dreaded question "What did I just say?"
@@SirCanuckelhead Not really. I’m not asking the other person, “What did I just say?” I’m saying, “You were telling me about this thing, please continue.” Two completely different things.
@@SirCanuckelhead Somehow girls always find a way to make there men suffer in every situation 🤣
Im introverted my go to is where do the ninja turtles get their weapons
My problem is that I often just don't know what to say. When I'm talking with someone my head is constantly like 'OKAY, WHAT CAN I SAY TO THIS, THINK THINK, UHM YEAH I AGREE THAT'S NICE!' but I can hardly ever think of something interesting, while if I'm alone after that I can suddenly think of a dozen interesting topics I could have talked about. It's really annoying. :p
I’m not an expert but I’ve found that really paying attention to what the other person is saying and asking follow up open ended questions works to keep the conversation going until something comes up that relates to my personal experiences or opinions.
The problem that we have with coversation is that we make it about us. "How do I sound? What do I say? Am I being weird? What if they dont like Me?"
You should actually focus on the Person you're talking to: Who are They, what do They like, what do They do, why do They like what they like, what do They think about xyz?
It gets easier the more you practice. I practice at work and it's helped my social skills A LOT. I'm not Oprah but I got more conversational skill now than I had 3 months ago! You can do it too!
I call that the George Costanza Complex.
Gerrit DeMan lmfao we have the same issue
Gerrit DeMan I get really scared when I don’t know exactly what I’m doing in every situation, especially conversation. I start shaking and I can’t think properly at all, which just makes it worse. It’s so frustrating and awkward.
the video i should’ve watched right after i was born
same
It's cool how life hands you things in a particular order, may you use the video knowledge henceforth in good health
lol i like this
Lmaoooooo
same here.. accidentally stumbled on this but it should have been years ago
Charisma on Command: 💡 _I'm gonna use Kanye as an example to teach these guys how to master conversations!_
Kanye: _I'm bout to end this man's whole career_
Lol I was waiting for these comments to start coming in
came here to say this
my exact thought lol.
Kanye has balls at least.
what's going on with Kanye??
Another great tactic that Kanye taught us is to wear a black mask that covers 100% of your face. This helps to put everyone at ease.
😫🤣
underrated comment
Also admitting to love hitler will definitely skip the small talk
Yeah I need to go to work like that
🤣🤣🤣
I came here because I panicked when talking to someone at school and asked which school they went to smh.
MagesticSnowflake lol 😂
You could spin it off as a joke or joke how you blundered. That’s what I do all the time. I say something like, “OMG! My brain is failing me. Ugh. Why?” I say it in a serious yet sarcastic tone. At the end of the day, people will either live you or be indifferent about you. Hope that helps
MagesticSnowflake that's awesome
Damn. Why do we even talk to other people, whats the point. Why do people loke doing it? Even introverts
MagesticSnowflake LMAO I’m sorry but this is hilarious 😂😂😂
“Weather’s been good, huh? “
“Do you think we have free will?”
So are you ready for the day of judgement
So why is it that we introverts do that? Are we naturally predisposed to doing that? Because i literally was thinking of having a deep topic with a friend later on tonite to make sure I could make the conversation last longer
@@InglesporMinutoconAnthonyMartz don't these deep conversations end just abruptly and just make you feel awkward and i don't even feel awkwardness mostly talk about something you and your friend share which made you get the chance to know each other this the fruit for unlimited small talk
@@nateholmes2641 lmaoooo
Exactly
Does anyone else get chills through their whole body when you’re suppose to be saying something in a conversation but you really can’t come up with anything? I do all the time and just stand there awkwardly overthinking on what to try to say.
And you get so nervous to the point you can’t breath?
As an introvert, something I like to do to skip small talk all together is just ask a hypothetical or interesting question. Some of my go-to favorites are "Is soup a drink?", "What do you think about garlic bread?", or the classic immortal snail problem.
thank you for this. def gonna ask people this once i graduate and test if this is reliable
are u 14
@@peterdanisek2188 Are you someone who thinks they're cool and different?💀
@@peterdanisek2188 yeah kid, I totally believe you
@@viniciusgrosse1958 bro you're like 16, don't tell me anything
"Hey."
"Hey."
"How are you doing?"
"Uh... lemme pull out my notes real quick."
Me: "Hey."
Her: "Hey."
Her: "How are you doing?"
Me: Not bad... How are you doing?
Her: I'm doing great!
*awkward silence*
Me: "nervous chuckle.. yeah.. well, i have to go but it was nice seeing you! talk to you later" xD
Wow most relatable thing ever 😂
“Hold on i need to watch this video first”
Yes! Lmfao. This is me too!
"How come, what was so great about your day?"
Hard mode: small talk as an introvert
Insane Mode: small talk with social anxiety
MH's Elect nightmare mode: small talk as an introvert with social anxiety
송민민 I mean I just feel like the majority of introverts also have social anxiety tho.
Then all people are introverts. There is absolutely no need in illogical unpleasant not understandable "small talk" that has no value other than following a local british cultural standard non existing in the outer world. There is no such thing like small talk outside of britain. The world does not revolve around you. You do small talk - you are considered at best low intellectual or low-confident by 400 millions of post soviet citizens. At worst you can end up in a clinic. This is NOT okay to "small" talk unless you are scared, in state of affect or in rave
AscensionToMadness definitely death mode
@@gamedev6290 I did not understand this post
Well that thumbnail aged well
How to improve your charisma.
Step 1.
Do no try to get attention by wearing a mask covering your entire face just after a major ethical controversy involving kids as well as the company producing that mask.
Step 2.
Do no express that you loooooove a particular historical figure known being antisemetic and for his their involvement in the holocaust.
Step 3.
Do not post symbols which are tied to groups who were responsible for the biggest war in history on your social media profiles, particularly not if that group was a variant of facism known for race hate against people with those with the same genetic backgroud as yourself.
Step 4.
If for some reason you feel an urge to do 1, 2 or 3. seek professional help. Do not, I repeat, do not go on like television.
@@andreasberger4but he made graduation😔😔
@@andreasberger4irrelevant. He made graduation
@@andreasberger4he made runaway tho
was looking for this comment
As a former introvert, I would like to excuse you from all this trouble and enlighten you with a magic solution to instantly be able to handle small talk. And that is to just SAY ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. Literally. Anything that comes to mind - you say it. It is the most effective way to become more extroverted and be able to handle small talk or even keep a convo going. Your mind silently makes up answers, statements, questions, jokes and possible teases to anything that has been stated, it just doesn't propose them to you directly. It kind of hides them deeper in your brain. Your have to manually catch them and then the only thing left to do is to sound them out. Simple. At first, it might seem intimidating because you dont know which of the many sentances given to you by your brain to pick. Thats why you should first try it out on your close friends (my no.1 choice) because even if you mess up they won't take it seriously. Then, after you get the hang of it, it becomes as easy as just saying things. I am not kidding. You just start talking on autopilot and it works (talking from experience here). So yeah be sure to try this out and I hope y'all are prepared to ace any upcoming small talk. Best of luck :)
Thank you will try this out with my family and friends
Introvertism and extrovertism can't really change, it's how your brain is wired. But yes, you can definitely learn to _behave_ differently. You still need time to be alone and recharge, right?
This is a funny concept but I wonder if it would work. You see, I find myself "parsing" all of the subjects as they occur in my head before I bring them up in conversation. Maybe if I turned the parser off... lol
Thanks so much it’s nice knowing there’s people like you sharing your experience! I’ll try practicing this in my head and test it out with the close friends I have and family members thank so much :D
😂😂😂
I just never have anything to talk about. Literally nothing.
Can relate 💯
I just end up just smiling or laughing awkwardly at myself because my brain is literally frozen at that moment
omg same XD
Kimberlyn Mcmurray I literally have the same problem, so to combat that I began just talking about stuff that interests me, as long as it was mildly appropriate in the convo. So for example, I actually found in like job interviews the employer actually respected ( occasionally) if I asked 'hey have you seen that new movie...' or whatever. I thought I may as well try it a few times as it's better than an awkward silence.
Sounds like you all have something to talk about now
Michael Hong You think we can just walk up to someone and say “yo I have nothing to talk about”?
Two introverts who don’t know each other trying to engage in small talk is horrible
Comedy gold
Facts bro, as an introvert, it’s painful af
True. “What are u doing?” “Nothing, you?” “Same.” *silence*
Oh that's fun
Lmao
Literally learning how to be a human......
Almost like we’re brainwashed not to be or somethin… crazy aye
@@conan6561 That comment 10 months old; I was not expecting a reply lmao
@@sythic_x u know that’s not a good habit to get into
2:03 “Can I hug you?” I died 💀
Introverts are typically good and fun people. But you just gotta be patient with us :(
Yes. Thank you.
Cute dog creature
This is true, thanks.
I am dating one and I completely agree with you. Ican't get enough of everything he says. He's fascinating. And I only waited 2 full years ;-) now, not letting him go, ever
Indeed
Small talk with stranger is easy. It's small talking with coworkers or classmates that is hard. Eventually you're going to run out of things to say and the only thing you talk about after that is work, which is boring.
same. i always loved talking to strangers, they hold no expectation nor standard or view over me yet and it makes me feel like i can be anyone i want because of the no-impression zone that we haven't quite pass through yet. DONT KNOW IF THIS MAKES SENSE BUT I DONT REALLY CARE. im tired. bye.
@@blah9629 Don't worry, it makes sense to me. :)
Especially when what the other person is talking about is extremely boring.
Exactly! I like talking to strangers or meeting new people, but sadly at some point i run out of things to talk about with the ones i know (classmates)... so it gets kinda awkward... thats what i was hoping for to find in a video
For me it's quite the opposite: I don't know what to talk about around strangers, don't know how to start a conversation because I barely know the person. On the other hand there are various conversation topics that I can start with a classmate or someone else that I know.
My problem is I end up getting mad at myself if the other person doesn’t doesn’t like me after our interaction. I don’t feel like I did well enough in our conversation because I want to improve to be a better talker and I end up angry. Sometimes I’m even frustrated with myself while the conversation is going on. I’m annoyed even thinking about it. It happened earlier today and got in my head all day.
It's a horrible feedback loop of becoming more negative because I'm bad at talking then being worse at talking because I'm in a negative headspace
That mid-conversation frustration is the absolute worst, especially when you feel the other person picking up on it in real time. The internal conflict between wanting to improve your interaction skills, whilst also fighting the intrusive thoughts that you're not doing good enough is literal hell. The weight of doing these mental gymnastics makes interactions really exhausting too, further disincentivising the journey for improvement. Isn't life great haha
Same here. Like I tried to be friendly and nice, but ended up scaring people away and they thought I’m weird af lol wtf
are you me?
I have always considered myself an introvert. I *hate* mindless small talk! When I was a young kid, I was painfully shy around strangers also. As an adult, I no longer feel shy, but I do tend to be mostly quiet around people I don't know well. It took a long time, but I finally was able to understand what it was that made me feel uncomfortable talking to strangers. And that is I don't like confrontation. I like to avoid it if at all possible. I just find it exhausting. And, when talking to a stranger at a party, etc., you don't really have any idea of the mindset of that person, so you risk offending them and causing confrontation.
I have found that when I am surrounded by intelligent, open minded strangers, conversation just happens organically with little effort. But most people do not fall into this camp. Most are unintelligent, brainwashed sheep, and those few of us that are "awake" will inevitably annoy them or become annoyed ourselves leading to confrontation. I realize how arrogant this sounds, but it is really true.
"We are introverts until our vibes match"
Our*
💯
@@iiReTr0Z Arey sahi toh likha hai XD
@@AryanSharma-ce6hw bhay wo japani hai usko hindi ni aati.
@@AryanSharma-ce6hw are Nahi our aye ga
I'm so awkward. Most of the time when there's a pause between the conversation and my mind goes blank trying to think of something to say to engage, I just smile and say "yeah."
@@MvsicAdd7ct lmaooo that's what I sound like 🤣
I’m even worse I’m like “....that’s crazy...” when nothing about the context of the conversation or what was being told was ‘crazy’ at all.
The “oh yea?” is my go-to.
@@nimo2714 oh gosh once time i was checking out at a supermarket and asked if there was a deal going on still and after he scanned my items and confirmed the deal was indeed still active i just went “cool.” HAHahha….. 😓😓
"You're kidding'
“he so quiet what’s on his mind” Kanye: “I guess we’ll never know”
I always acknowledged videos like these as to understanding introverts like myself- but this explains it in a much deeper and actually solving it in an interestingly engaging way.
As an introvert, watching this video did nothing but make me feel exhausted.
The narrator of this video spoke way too quickly for me, as an introvert, to take in any of what he was saying....
Honestly same my girlfriend considers me an extrovert but in reality I’m an introvert and this video was tough to dread through but I feel like it helped
Right? It just reminded me how tiring interactions in general really are.
I was exhausted before watching so I cnt blame the video 😂😂😂
Shari Griffith if you were an extrovert all of this would be natural. thats why nobody can teach us this stuff
What point have I reached in life were I have to search for a CZcams video on how to engage in a conversation :(
You're not the only one fam, its okay
fucked up I know
Adulthood
Meme Snack Lol, I didn't have to search it. It just popped up in my recommended videos.
Well, at least you're trying to improve
Me and my sister are very similar to each other. We both have pretty high anxiety, including social anxiety, and were introvert. I realized early on small talk is in fact a skill that you need to keep practicing with. Got to the point where I'm comfortable talking to anyone without feeling weird. My sister on the other hand is still struggling but I'm trying my best to get her through it. This was a great video, a few tips I found personally. Wish everyone the best of luck!
The thing with introverts is we don't want to talk about things we Don't like
Introvert with social anxiety, anyone else?
Yeah same here ://
It's gotten so bad that I actively hide from my friends if I see a one-on-one convo coming up :(
(If they're in a group it's fine though)
Here
I can relate! But I'm trying to connect with friends again.
+
@@blankness8 huh I'm the exact opposite. I'm fine with a one-on-one but as soon as there are multiple people having some sort of expectation that I contribute something to the conversation I'm out
Speaking as someone who's always been an introvert but learned a lot from working in hospitality and retail: ask questions (about the other) whenever you don't know what to say. Listening to others is far more helpful than thinking of what you want to say or when or how you have to say it.
valid, but there have been many times where I consciously 'take charge' by asking questions which leads to the other person getting too self-involved. I end up learning everything about them without them having learned anything from me because I can not get a word in or, if I relate to myself for some balance, they steer it to themselves again. that's when you realise they're either very insecure or a narc.
Been working on my conversation skills over the past year. I still struggle with small talk, but I’ve found that I faire really well once the ice is broken
_(Mhms in Kanye)_
*(Mhm intensifies)*
Kanye is a genius
😂🌝🌝
Dillan V yee
Thank you Kanye, very cool!
If introverts knew how to use this points when needed. We wouldn’t be introverts. My Mind goes blank the minute someone tries small talk
Introverts don't have these functions "built-in", but we can learn from videos like this, or books in my case, before CZcams.
Learn and practice. I'm still an introvert with social anxiety, but people who don't know me well usually can't tell.
Obviously I'm still working on it, since I'm watching this video and just subbed to this channel. Blue Skies!!
Making eye contact most of the time gives me brain damage 😂
Then make them talk about themselves. You'll never need to speak
I swear
ikr we just dread the exhaustion of having to converse 💀
This is really helpful! I get stuck in awkward silences all the time, and it drives me nuts! There are some great suggestions! Thank you!
I'm sorry to all of you who feel you don fit in and I'm sorry for the people who don't get you. In my friend group there is one of us who is introvert but we understand and we try to make him feel as comfortable as possible and make him feel part of the group cuz he is. I hope you all find good friends that understand.
God I love this community, where we can talk about this uncomfortable subjects and actually see that everybody is bothered with this stuff to different extent. I love you all
Kolos Love you too!
We should make a Facebook group for this. Like Real Men Real Style did.
Much love to you as well.
You know what, let's make the Facebook group!
Alberto 💯 Groupname: Socially Awkward Men?
_Say how the other person's statement makes you feel_
Me: *Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn*
usagi tsukino not trying to be rude or anything but that kind of response about not caring is probably why your watching this video.😅
@@findlayrankin9769 actually, I'm quite good at smalltalk. However that doesn't mean that I'm always interested in everything that someone says. Some people are just boring.
@@usagitsukino3638 Some people are fucking boring indeed. It takes two to tango. If the other person aint doin shit, then I'm just gonna walk out.
quality comment
damn this is so true 😂🤣
The problem with introverts is that they're intuitive enough to know that making small talk is a waste of time. It's incredibly awkward pretending to exchange worthless banter and niceties with others who likely want nothing to do with you and vice versa. All it ever leads to is extreme tension and feelings of isolation.
the thumbnail aged well
Thanks human. I can now communicate effectively with my coworkers
Lmao thanks
Are you a robot?
We have just assisted an alien invader in the conquest of Earth.
Do you feel better for yourself?
@Depressed The Girl Oh my. Did you end up getting fired? Did you show signs of anxiety at work? I've been through this.
as a fellow human I agree this will be very useful for my social interactions with my friends
Seems like my people have gathered in the comments... now we can all stand around in awkward silence, laugh nervously, and not make eye contact together ...
👀
👉👈
\ /
,/ \,
````👀
👉👈
\ /
,/ \,
😶
👕
🤝
🩳
There is not one single conversation where I didn't obsess afterward about how awful I was. I HATE small-talk but understand it's a necessary evil if we exist in society, or have family we love. I think these pointers will help me so much. Thank you! I only hope I can remember to use them. Oh, I should say, my dread of conversations is due to my extreme awkwardness along with a feeling that people expect something from me. Like, I am trying so hard to be helpful in keeping the conversational ball rolling, that I'll steal it and run with it, bouncing it wildly all over the place so that, even if someone else wants to join in, they probably can't. Maybe that's introversion paired with ADHD, laced with a hefty dose of coming from a large family that expects participation no matter how much you don't want to.
Not an introvert, but I remember struggling and having to take some time to learn to keep a meaningful, engaging conversation.
Personally, I find there are a few rules that made it much easier for me to keep a conversation going:
-Whenever asked a question, try to answer with in- depth, descriptive answers instead of short, simple answers, like 'yes', 'no', 'I'm fine', 'It was good', etc. An exception to this rule is if you can tell that the person who asked the question wants you to give a short answer so that they can follow up temselves and add context. Don't be like Kanye and answer "Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. Yes." to a series of questions meant to get a conversation going.
-Whenever discussing a certain topic, it can be good to just add in a few tangents about topics related to whatever you are talking about. You should give enough information that others may become curious about the tangent and start asking questions or talking about that. Tangents should however not be so large that they derail from the original topic unless the other person wants to do so.
-Ask questions that encourage the person being asked to give an in-depth answer rather than a 'yes' or 'no'. Don't ask 'How was your day?', but rather something like 'Have you done anything interesting today?', and follow up with more qestions or talk about whatever they mention.
-Pick up on small tangents that someone adds while talking, and ask questions or start talking more about the tangents. If someone mentions their work, a hobby, or some interesting event, ask questions about that to try to arrive at a topic that you will both find interesting to talk about.
-Don't talk politics. Politics really easily get frustrating and boring, and can be a good way to kill the mood. It is fine to bring up current topics that people may be divided on, but don't start an argument about it.
All this just seems too complicated to me.
Sometimes I feel like I just wasn't made for this world
Same
Same I don't understand how people live with each other.
Mimi Mira damn bro what makes you feel like that? I would to hear what you have 2 say
@@Observerw I just mean like, I don't understand how to have a normal conversation with people, I never have anything to say. Also when someone tells me something I never feel the need to say anything back, but when I think about it another person would have so much to say and it would lead to a great conversation. Am just really never interested in what people have to say, only when they are people am close to or if it's about something that interests me. But also am just someone who easily shuts out the world so attention span is short. I also tend to be very blunt, I say what I feel before realising it's gonna hurt someone, my friends have told me about this so many times that I don't have a filter.
@@mimimira5412 I don't think there's any problem with that. I have problems talking to normal people, but I kinda built a "list" of "normal" topics in my head I can ask about to make the other person carry the conversation. It really depends on the person and conversations tend to die in around a minute, though.
With weirdos, on the other hand, I can just talk for hours and hours making weird noises and meme references.
I find these videos very interesting, but I hate watching them because then I feel like I'm a lifeless robot that has to learn how to hold a full conversation with someone.
sometimes you just have to accept that you're a lifeless robot
a f f i r m a t i v e
@@cal6741 the distant future, the year 2000
Don't think like that. The thing is that the world is ridiculous and shallow. 🙄
It’s okay to make an effort to improve yourself!
Bruh the algorithm is wilding 💀
thanks for the videos you make, really helpful in any situation!!
The goal of most of my conversations is for them to end. And I can give the best answers to questions in the shower next morning.
People alway great ideas when their on the shower 😂
Yeah I kill it asap so there is no chance for the conversation to turn awkward, making it awkward...
I want conversations to continue but I always find myself somehow ending them
Hahaha!! Thanks
1:00 Notice subtle openings for you to share your thoughts
2:15 Respond with an open-ended statement to keep the conversation going
3:00 You don't have to answer questions if you want to talk about something else
4:11 Pause to create opt-in points for others
5:22 Try to get to a conversational topic you both care about
@Matthew Davis thnx bro
What I was looking for, thanks@
You’re amazing
Cheers mate
Trying to think back and none of this was taught in school.
This video is in exactly the teaching format I need! I just found it but I hope there are more. This might sound silly but I'm going to write some of this down.
As a introvert I mastered this at work without realizing that was what I was doing. I have always avoided conversations unless they were about specific deep meaningful topics, or certain activities I was really invested in. If I had little interest in the current topic, or if the topic was just small talk. I am nearly dead silent just listening to the others in the room talk.
Common question: "You're quiet, aren't you?"
Me: "Yeah..."
You like making noise, right?
It really be like that doe😳
*Plankton voice* CORRECT!
I can actually hear those voices while reading this. God,that's so annoying!!!!People never actually get it, do they???
I am quiet ,because you guys are doing enough damage by yourselves....Please just let me be!!!
Yes, and then when you become close to the person who said that they're like, "And I thought you were quiet!"
Introvert here. I hate small talk. It's so boring. Much more prefer questions and answers with substance.
I know the feeling but in order for us to blend in with society you must do as I have done and transform yourself into a charismatic manipulative sweet talker so we can get into positions of power and take over the world from the inside.
Why do you consider yourself an introvert
Findlay Rankin 😂
oh wise one, the rest of us all loooooove small talk......
I can't stand on online dating apps when girls say " hi how are you" wtf am i supposed to say to that?
Dude I’m so glad you’re channel exists. Thank you.
I usually tell people to stfu with the small talk and say something interesting and then it starts something funny AND also makes them feel more confortable to say anything they might want to without much restriction/filter.
The moment you find all your introverted, depressed homies in the comment section sharing the same struggles with you is priceless.
At least now we don’t feel alone. But irl, I have almost never meet as awkward people as me, strangely. Hahha
@@anneneville6255 i mean im an introvert who is awkward but i don't show to others my awkward side i keep it to myself so u may have met awkward introverts but they didn't show u their awkward side
Leopold The III the Problem is sometimes when I try to hide my awkwardness, people think I am being arrogant :(
We are one
I have finally found my people.. Hahaha
Someone: So how are you?
Me having anxiety and thinking about this video: I think people focus too much... on the past...
Same thats my fucking problem right now
😂😂😂
🤣
😂😂😂😂
Worrrrd
😂😂😂😂
Needed this, got this, enjoying the hell out of it.
this thumbnail aged well
Just because it has Kanye doesn’t mean it aged poorly goofy
How to handle small talk as an introvert:
1. Be chatty
2. Control the conversation
3. Be witty or funny
4. Make sure everyone in the conversation is having fun
So ... be an extrovert. I don’t know why I never thought of that. The next conversation will be a breeze!
These all still require talent, especially being funny
😂😂😂😂right
Cant be an extrovert if your an introvert can you Mr 😂😂
this is equal to
How to be rich
1. Have lots of money
2. Be very smart
3. Be born into a rich family
4. Star a successful business
@@giovanniminotte2951 absolutely..
Too much work, I'd rather not leave my house.
ahahah fr
xDDDDDD
But if you would rather never leave your house, when you do have to leave your house, your social interaction, that are inevitable, will function much less efficiently and fun then if you would go out, have a few VERY awkward and embarrassing conversations on your way to success. This is coming from an introverted person who would much rather not leave the confines of their house, but would also like to make social interactions less awkward then they are right now. It comes down to how you feel about interacting, would you rather it be better? Then you need to put in that work…this is assuming you weren't just making a joke that was baseless in the reality of your situation.
@@Theendman42 lmao you're obviously an introvert, it was sarcasm...
Yes, I know it was a joke, but I assumed that it had some basis in fact, hence why I said what I said. And yes, I am very much so an introvert.
It's all in you're head, trust me. Put yourself in the right situation and you will be amazed at how social you can be. That will be the stepping stone and it will only get better from there.
this aged well with ye
My strategy was to always stare at the person intensely until they stopped talking and leave.
Problem solved.
Tora Chan Jokes on you, akward stares just give me a boner!
Or just don't be there in the first place, right?
You are doing what Kanye does
😂
Simplest answers are usually the best.
I hate when there is awkward silence after you decide to open up and talk. Like the other person expected you to stay silent but now they feel weird that you aren't
It's like they know that you are an introvert, so they give you the silent treatment to try to keep themselves above you lol
this
Nivk Miller, I called someone out for doing that once and guess who laughed the last.
Wow that was spot on
@@jussi-pekkalaakko8768 ABSOLUTELY this! I had the same thought last week and couldn't properly express the feeling.
My roommate is like this. When I share something I find important (and I usually don't), and I show large enthusiasm, she'll just go, "Oh, cool."
I always remember Anna Akana's tip for dealing with small was to ask the other person questions because people love talking about themselves (and you end up learning/getting to know the other person better)
Glad you included that clip of me at 2:10
Unfortunately only very few people are _acutally_ interested in what others say. They just wanna dump all their shit thoughts on you, expecting you to shut up (because they leave no openings whatsoever) and then, even when you wanna engage in their story by sharing an experience, they interrupt and/or don't listen. That's why I hate small talk, actively, and it has nothing to do with being an introvert for me. I'd rather talk with a random stranger about their passion or the damn universe than go through a stupid conversation checklist.
That is so true lol
I completely agree. I've been duped a few times. Someone asks me a question that appears to be a conversation starter so I engage, but they just use my engagement as a segue to drone on and on about themselves or lecture me about a topic that they know very little about.
I know one particular person who seems to asks me questions with the sole intent of disagreeing with my answer.
Then you are not listening either. If they so desperately wanna tell you something, acknowledge it and then finish the topic no matter how long it takes which will result in opennings... if they keep repeating the same thing then YOU failed as a listener. If they keep ignoring what you have to say, either speak up about it, or find new people to talk to.
I feel like small talk is more for old people than young. Since we're connected more with devices we share similar feelings such as memes lol
TLDR.
Small talk is boring as an introvert. REALLY REALLY BORING. "How are you?" "Good." Then there is silence and I'm FORCED to continue the conversation when they won't! I HATE when that happens!
I just found a solution, say 'What have you been up to lately?' I personally never used it but I heard all extroverts effectively say it at the beginning of conversation. Try it
Its because "How are you" is not a literal question, its a greeting:
"How are you doing?"
"I'm fine, what about you?"
"Wonderful."
This is the same as 2 parties saying "Hi", but with a bit more substance so the parties can better gauge the situation and be able to direct the conversation appropriately. Its not just about the words that are being said, its also about the tone, facial expression and hand gestures.
Ryota Mitarai the problem for me is it kinda sounds like something you would say to someone you already know, like if you haven’t seen them in a bit.
Exactly! Gawd cant they see im an introvert? Dont make me lead the conversation XD
RayMondoART its cuz we probably dudes
Great video. I’m going to share this with my daughter. She is very quiet and does not talk much until she feels comfortable around you.
Bro I’m an extrovert don’t even need this video but I checked because Kanye was on the thumbnail. 😂
I'm not interested in my life, that's why I'm better a listener...
sam here ,wonderfully said
No-one is interested in your life
mark ewings- damn dude
Me too hun
@@markewings7525 ironic
as an introvert I literally couldn't see any openings in that kanye west jimmy kimmel conversation lol
I was confused too.
Sometimes it's because you lack confidence in yourself and how other perceive you. Jimmy was absolutely BEGGING to be interrupted any kinda comment by Kanye, but if you believe the person speaking doesn't care what you have to say then you'll just say nothing.
I struggle pretty hard with this too, but just try to remember that people talking to you usually want to hear what you have to say.
Introverts just prefer to listen and not interrupt the story the person's telling
Same, I was so confused! It just seemed like the host was talking non-stop without break ie. leave him to it.
@@garrycotton7094 Yeah, Kanye was nodding and looking engaged. Probably wondering, "Where is this going?" Short of talking over Jimmy I don't see that the comments suggested that he should make would be relevant and could be taken as rude in certain contexts.
Brilliant, very balanced and mature evaluation of how to become better at conversing. It's an art
this is a great channel, so glad it was recommended
I just can't do it. When there's a group of people i just laugh, smile and nod, but when is only other person and me, i can't. I let the other person talk, and talk, and talk (that's why i feel more comfortable with extroverts that can't shut up, so i don't have to talk). But when they ask me my opininion i'm just like "oh...i see" or "yeah".
When they ask me to tell stories i just can't think of anything. I have nothing to talk about with strangers.
Yes! I love small bigger groups (as in, groups that are still small but have at least four people) because there's not so much focus on me. One on one is actual torture. That's why all my close friends are extroverts lol, they just talk talk talk talk and if I like what they talk about then we're friends haha :D
(I do try hard to think of interesting questions but sometimes they fall flat. My brain isn't hard wired for talking).
Hmm. I'm good one on one but don't know how to interact in a group.
same!!
Wow I never related to a comment more
For me at least I have a serious problem to fully engage in a conversation, or I can't start it, or it's just me talking. The funny thing is, a part of my friends have the same problem as you, so when I give a opening they just say "yeah", "hum" or nothing at all
Good morning
good morning, how are you?
Good, and you?
Good.
That's my life everyday at work. Dozens times a day for the past decade.
I know! I hate this so much! Why can't we get it to go farther than this?
@@thesexyskywalker3283 im just socially awkward. sometimes i say too much of nothing. (also doesnt help cuz im a janitor and that's my morning greets to teachers). sometimes i plan ahead of what to say. nothing comes naturally.. i think it's supposed to be natural.... right?
That was me in my practice with my supervisor 😂 (I can imagine me at work doing the same thing)
Then you should stop saying 'good' when you doesn't feel good. Say 'No.', 'Not really.', 'I'm not sure.'; so they can ask you why and you can drop a bit of complaint about life and they can drop theirs. Bam! a conversation.
I was like that too, a bit better now tho. The key is to understand that even the ones who seems confident have their own problems, so talking about your problem can make people relate to you.
I felt this
Hey, big thumbs up for all that good infor. As I'm thinking about it during my next conversation, I'll totally freeze up.
10/10 video , people who have knowledge about the art of talking should always share it with those who they encountered ( who are missing that knowledge)
"So, how about that sports team with the points."
Thats usually the one i use. Or "looks like its gonna rain..shit" haha
+Jackson OMG I also love Ponytricks! Can I hug you? :D
EhehahahahaHA!
Did the ball go?
I say we talk about geopolitics concerning the middle eastern region and Afghanistan's fate.
Good Lord. I never thought I would relate to Kanye West.
the world may really be coming to an end😂😂
You sound ignorant daria.
@@Slynell1 Why? How? She sounds ignorant because she found something in common with Kanye West? Them both being introverts?
then watch his interview he’s the most relatable person i’ve ever seen
Kanye is the goat!
1:35 (Feel) - To move through small talk mention how the other persons statement makes you feel.
2:58 (Better Question) - Don’t always answer the questions asked but use it as a springboard to answer a more interesting question related to what they asked.
4:12 (Opt In) - Create opt in points so people have a chance to jump in the convo.
5:20 (Deeper) - Steer conversation into deeper conversation you both care about. Ask ppl their opinions on movies or news stories or anything you care about.
Using Kanye West in this day is crazy 🤣🤣
the problem is that i genuinely dont care about 90% of the people i have smalltalk with so i dont feel like sharing anything out of my life and im not interested in theirs so i dont really listen. Which makes keeping the conversation going super hard.
This right here
This
Absolutely this.
100% true for me too
Yeahh! That's why it's exhausting because we have to force ourselves to talk to them and squeeze or brains to think of something to say, and exert energy and effort to look interested in what their saying
1:50 perfect representation of how Kanye expresses emotions
I need those emoticons to truly express how I feel
Lol, love it!
Lmao
This is a great video, very good information laid out concisely.
Your analysis is brilliant, thanks me bro!
I don't know if my kind of "introvertness" is different - but the problem I'm experiencing with small talk - especially with strangers - is that i very quickly run out of stuff to say. I can litterally not think of anything at all to move the conversation forward. I will probe every corner of my brain for anything to say, but nothing comes up. So if the other person is not extrovert enough to just ramble on and let me chime in when something finally triggers - then the conversation is over very quickly.
So in theory these tools you are describing are fine - but they don't help. The problem is overcoming that mental block that very much feel like a black hole has suddenly opened in your mind - sucking away every idea you could talk about. You are simply pulling a blank however hard you try. That is also, I think, the reason is seems we answer so ilterally. It's the only thing we can come up with.
Though iv'e gotten alot better the past 10 years - I will most often think so hard of what to say that i miss alot of social clues, and entire sentences from whom ever i am talking to. I've been both insulted and flirted with and never realised it before someone else have pointed it out afterwards, because I've been too busy being frustrated with trying to come up with something to say. In the end it will be so exhausting you just wanna go home where you can relax your mind a bit and be yourself.
However - with people i know, for example my family, friends and close coworkers - we can talk for hours. In most professional interactions this is seldomly a problem either, when you just talk profesionally. It's only during small talk and social interactions this is a problem. For me anyway :)
I relate to you 100%. I think SO HARD for something to say, but I just can't come up with anything. Also because of that, if someone tries to joke with me, I'll just smile, because I can't think of something funny to say back. It's frustrating! It doesn't help that my twin sister is good at conversating and making friends :(
Glad to know I'm not the only one!
I think it's because you're in your head too much when you're with new people. I'm like that too but i've gotten much better at being present in the moment when i'm talking to people.
Same here.
Great point.
Same thing happens with me people get board with me easily
but like, I don’t wanna be talking in the first place. why should I steer the conversation somewhere deeper 😭
Hi big fan
SAARA thissss people will try to engage small talk with me and internally im like I WANT TO KEEP READING MY REDDIT THREAD ABOUT UNDERWATER KNITTING hahaha
So much this.
Jännä mesta sanoo, mut TORILLE!!!!!
Good point, but hey, deep conversations are where we're all at.
It is definitely a user's manual for people with melancholic personality. I loved it!
Literal answers are a sign of honesty.
Guys, one of the biggest things I've ever learned is that putting the label of introvert on yourself will only make you act the part even more.
Don't get me wrong, you will always lean towards more introverted or extroverted activity. However, imo it's more like a gradient. I'm a massive introvert. However, over the last two years I've made the effort to come out of my shell and just learn to love to talk. This is key. Don't learn how to have a conversation, learn how to *love* having a conversation. To the point where I used to think talking was draining but now I find myself talking more and more to up my vibe. If I was ever in a bad mood I used to avoid talking. Now I actually *want* to talk because it gets me in a better mood, and it's all because I became genuinely interested in people and in talking.
tl;dr don't use being an introvert or extrovert as an excuse for anything. Talking and expressing yourself is just like any other skill, you just have to put the effort in.
I spoke with a self-labelled introvert once who had the same approach as you. It made me think that having a growth mindset is applicable to so much more than, say, maths.
For sure! Never put limits on how you can grow in personality, and that includes being more expressive and talking.
I needed to hear this lol
Relate to this comment! Once you judge yourself as a certain one, you could turn the one in no time.
Brilliant!
I used to have this mindset that if it’s not necessary to talk and if I can avoid the chance of any kind of awkward situation then so be it. But I said to myself, I guess not every interaction has to be necessary, and when I tried stepping out of my comfort zone and speaking to people I normally wouldn’t I’ve learnt so much! Things I wouldn’t have known before and it’s rewarding. Don’t get me wrong, some times were awkward, but I’m still alive lmao
So me..... I just would rather not do small talk. Its seems fake to me. Im so awkaward because I find myself wondering if people do actually care how my day is going (Fill in any other personal question) . Or is it out of politeness. I actually care if I ask. Thats whats so wierd for me and small talk.
So true...
I feel the same way
Jesus cares.
Interesting coming from a woman. When I hear my sister chat with her friends, I feel like it's almost only small talk, like telling how you feel, listening to the other tell what her day was like while inserting short questions, acting like you're amazed ; "oh that's crazy !" while you're so obviously bored... When I talk with friends (men), the difference is so obvious. We don't do this kind of stuff, and when someone starts acting like that, we laugh at it, the person feels a bit stupid, laughs too, and we move on.
yeah very fake
Wow. My worst fear, confirmed. I was telling a story, got interrupted, and wasn't asked to continue it. I'm obviously boring. I'm also constantly trying to think of how to not have awkward silence in conversation. 😔😔
Most people just want to talk about themselves and their situation anyway. My favorite escape is "got to go, I have to ...(any reason)".
There's true Introverts. Then there's people who have crippling social anxiety, low self esteem, or not smart, or anti social behavior, or egotistical and think they're too good for others that are grouped in to "Introverted". I feel like " Introverted " is a HUGE spectrum
I consider myself an introvert, but I don't feel like I lack social skills, I just feel that sometimes it is not worthy to talk about some topics. I just talk and socialize whenever I have to. I think people confuse being an introvert with a shy person
*"We're dealing with a broad spectrum these days"* its a reference
Levi Jesse yea I’ve noticed this too
Ernest M you are correct
@@l429930 I think it depends on your social experiences. I used to be a shy person when I was a teenager. But then I was forced to socialize in order to survive and keep moving. So I learned to socialize whenever I have to. But it's not necessary, I don't like talking. Furthermore I don't feel nervous or anxious. It's like any other task for me. I'm just missing the charming skills. That's something I need to work on.