Stop Letting Other People's Opinions Control You | EP. 4 [Get Your Life Together]
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- čas přidán 3. 04. 2019
- 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗹𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲’𝘀 𝗼𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂. What someone says, thinks or believes about you is irrelevant, because you already know who you are!
⇨ Watch all of the videos in my 𝙂𝙚𝙩 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙇𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙏𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 series here: goo.gl/GXgZcU
This is the 4th episode in this series and for today's conversation, let’s be real with each other. I could give you a list of how to’s around this topic if I really wanted to... but I’m not, because honestly all of this boils down to 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜.
𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗲 - goo.gl/2j2X2k
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// A B O U T
I'm Ron Banks, a minimalist + creative writer sharing my knowledge and inspiration on living a meaningful life with less.
Ronald L. Banks is my journey through lifestyle habits + personal growth. Follow my journey and learn how you can live your meaningful life.
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Thanks for watching! & remember, Stay True to You!
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![How To Reset Your Life | EP. 1 [Get Your Life Together]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/E2xQZ97L6AU/mqdefault.jpg)
Have you ever let other people’s opinions control you?
I have... but all that has changed now!
Same for myself Ron. But now
I follow my instinct and gut feeling. Like you say - 'Be true
to yourself'. Always enjoy your
content. Thanks.
Yes you have to! If you don’t it makes life and everything so stressful and unpleasant! You’re absolutely right, listen to your gut, understand your core values and always stay true to that!
I used to until I finally realized that life is far too short to worry about what other people think of you especially you know you're just trying to do good and spread a positive word. Just keep your head down and grind away
@@JZETH_ Good for you. Have a great day.
Greetings ftom Switzerlsnd.
1 11 you as well! Hope you had a great weekend 💪🏼
“You can’t define a man who already knows who he is.” Awesome message dude!
I’m glad that it resonated with you my man! Keep growing on your journey!
Criticism is not about you. It's about the other person and what they hold in their heart.
I can tell you have a secure attachment growing up because you seem to have a well rounded sense of self. Those of us who grew up with insecure attachment from emotionally immature parents don’t always know the boundaries of self and others. It is much harder to separate others opinions from our own as often our survival as a child relied upon their approval. Nevertheless what you share here is true, just a little more complicated and harder to attain for some of us. If someone is reading and relating to this comment please know you began life as a survivor and now is the time to thrive.
I used to worry a lot about what other people thought of me, which I think stemmed from being bullied for my speech impediment when I was younger. As I grew older though, I came to realize it doesn't matter what others think, so long as I'm happy and living my life the way I think it should be lived.
Exactly Matt! I’m excited for you my man. Keep growing on your journey and don’t stop
I’ve noticed that people are quick to judge you. Quick to criticise you and quick to put you down and that’s why I have zero tolerance for people like that. I will never allow negative mean spirited people into my life again. When I found myself. I became grounded. So once you throw the rubbish out. Don’t allow it back in…
I stopped taking others advice when I realized that their advice best fits their own life, not mine.
"You can't define a man who already knows who he is" - Wise words.
Absolutely Kia, very wise words!
My God! Whose child are you?! "You can not define a man who already knows who he is" Mic drop!
My dad taught me this a long time ago and it’s stuck with me and will always stick with me. I’m really happy that you enjoyed this!
This is really hard to do. I've been trying to find who I am for years and I'm on the path to defining myself!
It’s a journey and a learning experience but you got this Jennifer! Keep growing!
My boyfriend is very dependent upon constantly being commended. However, he procrastinates until the very last minute. Then, the event becomes very dramatic and traumatic, because he's run out of time. Then, because he's performed this tremendous feat against great odds, that he obviously set up for himself, he expects to be congratulated. It's ridiculous as well as exhausting for everyone around him.
"What other people think of me is none of my business"...author unknown
You have no idea how relevant and helpful that was to me. I'm so tired of people feeling like it's okay for them to judge me and point out my flaws and make me feel like im not worthy. Fuck that. I am worthy and I need to start changing the people I hang around with and value myself more
I learn a lot of people have a very limited experience so they can only see thing from their perspective . People don’t realize how big the world is.
This subject affects me an awful lot. I find my family defines me too much on other people’s opinions of me or though one interaction then It just automatically defines who I am!
I think to myself seriously I am being the best Person can be.. Why are you defining me or judging me! when I know who I am! and I am happy with how far I’ll come!
Keep growing on your journey Mono and figuring out who you are and staying true to that! You got this, I’m excited for you!
This brings up, when I don’t worry about what others say and I am defined by myself. I stop speaking to people. Because my energy changes. I’m no longer interested in speaking because I know it’s a waste of time, they don’t have any answers to help me, and I can do it on my own. It makes life pretty boring though because we’re social creatures, and apparently 2 minds are better than 1 so this whole notion is counterdicting.
I didn't know who I was for a long time because I was so busy people pleasing and trying to be what I thought what other people wanted me to be. As Long as I was doing that they were happy but then when I started to find myself and defined who I was I noticed those people became very angry and disappointed with me.
Hey Ron! Been there done that. I grew up being taught to be a perfectionist. Therefore, I was burdened down with a lot of responsibilities that weren't mine. Sort of a Cinderella lol. But now, I'm the person I was meant to be and loving the freedom. This video is so uplifting. Thanks for being a true example. Peace.
Patricia King - I can relate to what your saying . I was raised in an enmeshed family. Independence was not valued and having my own opinion certainly was foreign to them. It took me a long time to find myself but I did. Honestly, I am very misunderstood but found a way to move on... I am glad you were able to be who you were meant to be.
Both of you are so amazing! I love the growth you too have experienced. It’s encouraging and motivating. I appreciate you both! Keep growing!
This is a very in depth question. I feel I have been defined in a specific way by my family. They see me in ways I don’t see myself. It took years to let it go. One of the best things I did was moved away out of state. That is when I found who I was and discovered my own identity.... my family also has clear opinions on what we should own and purchase. It took me a long time but I was able to figure out how to live my life and be true to me and accept them for who they are. It’s challenging and it took me a long time.
Thebarky1988, it wasn't easy to get to the real me. Moving away does help, but I wasn't able to move. When it was time for me to define who I was, it happened. Years of struggling and never giving up, but it happened. It's great to hear that you have found you. I hope your journey brings you much joy, love, peace, and success. XOXO ❤️.
@thebarky1988 wow this is currently me. I have felt like my mom and sister have always defined who I am but more so my mom. I honestly feel like she doesn't like who I am outside of being her daughter and now that I am in my 2nd relationship I have only had 2 boyfriends including the one I have now and I feel she is honestly shocked that someone is actually with her daughter. I have always felt that if I moved far away and just left this house I will feel so much better emotionally and mentally. That's amazing that you were finally able to define your persona yourself. I am waiting for that day. Iam working in it though.
@@JustMeg29 keep on swimming through your journey. If you think you'll feel better by leaving, then the sky is the limit. Go for it! I couldn't leave, but my opposers are seeing my light shine. Let your family see you shine before you leave. Being who you're meant to be will feel great, and it will show. I hope happiness and peace of mind surrounds you ( smile).
@@patriciaking7892 Ohhh wow thank you so much. I don't feel my family or my deserves to see me that way but you are probably right. I wouldn't be doing it for them I would be doing it for me. I can't leave but I really wish I could. I want to move in with my man but money issues. I'am happy you found your light that's awesome!!!
@@JustMeg29 sorry I responded 2 hours later, but follow your heart deary. No one deserves your happiness but you. It's your happiness not ours. I understand money issues for real. Grow where you are planted okay. Looking at your picture lets me know that you're too beautiful to worry about others opinion. You have haters and that's natural when you got it going on!!!! Like Ron said, be true to you and eventually everyone else will have to get a life. Real talk (smile). XOXO ❤️
This is what I am learning now. I spent so much of my life listening to other people pronouns, or letting other people define me. It used to be out of fear but know it is me falling into old routines but thankfully I am aware of this and changing this about me
I just recently had one of my closest friend of 5 years talk to me about my current job and how it's just not for everyone and how at some point I need to get a regular fulltime job so I can have things like work benefits, health insurance, medical insurance and all that. I am wanting to avoid the trap of a 9a-5p Monday thru Friday job where I'm stuck in life with no art or freedom in my life. So, hearing this helps me find ways to focus on my bigger goals and how my journey is my journey, not no one else's and that others opinion dont matter in what I want to do for me, myself, & I.
Know thyself 🙌🏻
This is what most teenagers go through. Thankfully as we grow older, these phases past as we get closer to our authentic self.
You’ll be surprised, sometimes it’s a message we still need to remind ourselves of!
Absolutely agree. Do not be influenced or live up to the expectations others. (Unless
it is Tax or.... that is expected
to be paid.) Also do not criticise,
compare and complain. Enjoyed
hearing this Ron. Thanks
I like the points you mentioned 1 11. Thanks for sharing and I'm glad you enjoyed this!
Yes - just now - I have received an exhaustive message from a "friend". I haven't been on touch with her since August. And, she sent me a message a couple of days back asking how I was. I replied in short and said I was fine, thanks. Short -polite - message. I just checked my insta - and she wrote a 2 page essay accusing me of ghosting her, and not asking about her and being like my narcissistic ex! OMG. I didn't expect to read this. I am up to eyeballs with exams - to finsh my degree insh'Allah. And, this person randomly accuses me of being a selfish egotist. I think that's pretty unfair. And, it hurts. I don't think friends are meant to do this to each other.
We always seeking approval & validation from people. So they matter since give them unnecessary importance
I've struggled a lot with identity over my life and not really knowing who I was, so this video is definitely something I need to work on ❤
I have done way too much in my life to "shape" others opinions about me... sad... but also usually did just the opposite of what I was trying to do... so why do it.... it exhausted me
I finally reached the stage in my life where people’s opinions don’t phase me at all. I do what whatever genuinely makes me happy and it makes me feel so free. Great video! Would you ever consider doing a video about being alone but not feeling lonely?
Rosalyn, I know right. That would be an awesome video.
That’s a great topic Rosalyn! I’ll add it to my calendar now as a video for this series!
I thought I was the only one who doesn't necessarily feel lonely when I'm alone.
That is an excellent quote and lesson!
Unconsciously (and somewhat consciously I suppose) I have been in that unfortunate situation where I let others' negative comments or opinions of me get to me. Thank you for sharing this, I will remember it and remember that I define who I am, and not others
Loved this video! It took many years, but I finally am starting to know who I really am and not letting other people try to control or criticize me.
This is awesome! I’m really happy and excited for you. I’m glad you enjoyed the video as well. Keep growing and always stay true to you!
I know right?! It's ruining my own life!
Since we all are here for the same reason i want to just put this out there. I've been overthinking alot lately bc i thought everyone knew wht they were doing. I was, probably still am feeling lost. I please people, even today the girl o was venting to thinks i like her. I dont i should hate that bc it is sin and im a Christian. I just really think i need somone to talk to. I say this not to touch on other peoples believes but bc im also on the journey trying to figure it out
Other ppls opinions abt me dont matter to me but it's my moms that cuts deep. Even if I try to ignore, it affects me. In a second my whole mood changes n drops to depression. I really hate being around her... So toxic with the comments she says abt me to others on phone or says to me abt my appearance...
Bravo Ronald!
Thank you for making the world better, by giving people keys to their inner power.
I gave some thought into this and as a young adult who just recently got out on my own with my wife and my kid I realized that everybody is going to have something to say not everybody is going to agree and you can't listen and take everyone's advice, so for me I say the best thing to do is do what you want don't listen to others advice because their advice best suits their life not yours. And also don't let people manipulate you into feeling bad if you don't feel bad for anything you're doing now and someone else comes along and tries to make you feel bad that's manipulation.
My man. You are a messenger. This is the message I needed right now. You’re literally showing me the way to actually live my life. I’m finally Player one!
I’m glad this is helping you Andrew! Keep growing and learning on your journey!
Yeah they did for a while but after I realized it wasn't me 😅 now I look back thinking what the fuck made me even do them thing's for real now I feel stupid
Awesome video. I love what your father told you. I've always been super confident and trust me, it rubs ppl the wrong way but I don't care. I will be me regardless. Live your authentic self.
YES Debbie!! It doesn’t do you any good trying to please everyone and be what they want you to be. At that point they’re control all aspects of your life. You have to be your authentic self at all time and I love that you’re doing that with confidence! Stick to that!!
I just came across this channel, l would like to thank you a lot l am a very shy person l always think about other people 's opinions while neglecting my own. I always do what other people want bcz of being afraid of being criticised but starting from now l want to become my own person without being bothered by other's pinions about my life l'm really great full to come across this channel thanks
Had to subscribe! Great advice 🙏
You cannot define a person who has already defined them self. Wow. I think that’s going to stick with me. Thank you so much. glad to have found your channel
On Time 🙌🏽 Thank you for this !
thank yoy for this message!!!!
I have always felt the pressure of other people's opinions. It wasn't until I started walking away for my own peace of mind that I've evolved into a better human by focusing on me. I'm able to move forward in life better. Anytime I get stuck going forward I'll look back on your videos and remind myself of your words.
I love your Father’s quote!!!
i love this guy thank you
Excellent
Hello Ronald,
Thank you for this Very timely message! I am continually trying to make my own decisions independent of what other people (only the people that matter to me) think. I am 60 years old and I do know I’m a good person and I try hard to learn and grow- but like the poster below stated- It is a little more challenging to those of us who had trauma and loss at an early age and who needed others approval for survival. Just today I called my brother to ask if he felt I had made the right choice in a very difficult decision for me. I loved what your Dad taught you. It is so true. It is also difficult at times to navigate through life. I appreciate all you share and all the wisdom you impart. I follow a couple of people who have minimal/decluttering videos. You always ring true to my heart and I thank you for that. You are blessed to know who you are and to live true to yourself. I know I have to take a step into the discomfort that comes with trying new things- in order to make progress! I’m a slow bloomer.
Thanks for helping me on my journey! I hope you are reaching your goals and dreams and having success in all you do. ❤️
Jalyne in Utah
This is awesome!! You delivered such an important truth in less than 3 minutes. Thank you!
Always on point with your Vida I've definitely felt controlled .
Brief good advice
All my life is controlled by someone else.
I have subscribed to your channel and slowly making progress in the right direction.
Great reminder and truth! Thank you.
This is helping me at the moment so much , Thankyou !!!!
Loving this whole series! Definitely keeping in mind for starting my own CZcams channel.
Thank you for this! I have just become aware of this for myself. Being away from my coworkers helps lot!
Happy new year to you, I really needed to watch this, it's not an easy path but I hope to work on not allowing people's opinions control me. Thank you. Ps, please any tips on overcoming low mood?
Thank you for your video sir, it might help me a lot to fix my weak self
I'm gonna try and keep that in my memory until the day I die. Appreciate it brother
very true!
Thank you. Love your videos
You’re very welcome Joanne! Keep growing on your journey, I’m excited for you!
Yes, it did this helps
Life changing. Simple quote that has helped me on my journey. Such a profound and direct revelation x
Your channel is great man. Awesome messages all around. Just started binging some of your stuff and it hits home. It’s basically how I feel about these topics. Good stuff man. 💪🏼
I appreciate the love and support my man! Keep growing on your journey!
Many many times, not now tho, thank you for your videos, I’m an old dog but you have taught me some new tricks, bless you,
We never stop learning Cheryl! Keep growing on your journey!
I really want to thank you for those videos.... It started to changing my life.
This is awesome! You’re very welcome, I’m happy that I was able to share these with you!
Omgsh yesss !! I love that you shared that statement at the start of your video! This is definitely more difficult to do then it is to say, however, the more an individual is able to identify her or himself and discover who she or he is, the easier this becomes. Self-exploration and self-reflection is key!
Yes!! I’m glad you enjoyed that video Maria! Growing on your journey, in all aspects of your life, is going to be a process. So not allowing others opinions control you will also be apart of that process... and it’s an awesome feeling when you see things starting to change. Keep pushing forward!
I am taking your father's quote and running with it!
Great video
Thanks Ronald, very inspiring
..I used to suffer a lot about this...now it's better. I take for me your words
I love that you’re growing from that in your life.. I’m happy you feel inspired by this video. Keep growing and learning!
Just came across your channel a few weeks ago. And I love it ! I've been trying to live a more minimalist life style and like in one of your other videos where you say it sometimes feels like you still have too much stuff, I feel that way! Also its kinda hard when my girlfriend thinks im crazy for doing this. Idk I guess I'm looking for a little more help and guides.
Do you have any questions that I can help you answer Jazz? I’d like to help you grow on your journey as much as I can. Like what are you struggling the most with?
damn, this hit hard
There has been times where if l make a dicsion of mine and l left a family member know.There opinion woud kinda bother me because its not what l want.Everytime hear a opinion against a dicsion l made,My first feeing l feel is like a let down and kinda like a oh no.I just know that everybody has different opinions and doesn't affect me at all.
Amen brother!!
If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.
When we try to do it all and have it all, we find ourselves making trade offs on margins that we would never take on as our intentional strategy. When we don’t purposely choose where to focus our energy and time on, other people will choose for us. When we least expect it, we have lost site to what is meaningful and important. We can make our choices intentionally or allow othe people’s agenda control our lives.
Keep up the great work.🤙🏼
Well said Raul! You’re absolutely right my man. Keep growing on your journey sir!
Could you please make a longer video on this topic? 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
I am still being controll by my family opinions of me
Keep strong. Dont forget that despite the evil in this world, God is full of justice, mercy and love. Never give up, God is close to the brokenhearted. And He wants to be near to us. Check this out:
Justice said we broke His perfect law - causing the world's previous perfection to be destroyed - and therefore we deserve Hell (like a punishment in any legal system but this is eternal as His perfect law is eternal too). Don't think you fit in that category? Ever done one of these?: lying, stealing - regardless of how small the object EVER, hating others - which is murder in God's perfect law, lusting (plus God sees our entire thought life). Justice says "the soul that sins shall die" - if we break one in thought/word/deed it's as if we're guilty of all of them. Quite simply, living by the law (which is doing everything perfectly) is impossible for sinful humans
. The law shows us that 1. We will die in Hell if we fail to follow it and 2. We cannot save ourselves BUT, 3. God's perfect, immovable law points us to Christ, who followed and fulfilled the law in thought, word and deed perfectly in our place. He did what we couldn't and did it on our behalf. He was then sentenced to death on a cross, and took our personal punishment for our sin, paying our penalty (like paying our fine) completely FOR us, and has given us freedom. He can empathise with our pain and suffering and wants to help us through. He is here for ALL who come to Him.
If we turn from the sins we have committed and repent (pursue the opposite direction of love through Christ) He will, overtime, recreate us into His image through The Holy Spirit which Jesus sends to all who accept Him as their personal Lord and Savior of their life. We cannot purify ourselves, but Christ lived that perfect sinless, pure life and then allotted it to our "account".
That's where our righteousness comes from. Not from any good, works that you or I could do.
It is not based on the amount of good works we do. God starts the changes, He carries it on, and He completes it in those who let Him.
It's about letting Christ in to guide and teach you and obeying Him, again, through His power and instruction).
He is our substitute in His life, death and resurrection. He essentially rewrote history in our place so that, if you believe in Him, it will be as if YOU had never sinned if you accept Christ's death as our own in our place.
He is in Heaven right now preparing a place for us so that He can take His faithful, believing children home with Him when He returns. He will ressurrect us from death when He returns, giving mercy to those who accept His love, forgiveness, instruction and teachings in their life, and give justice to those who refuse it.
He doesn't want ANY of us to go to Hell and die for continuing in evil and rejecting His way to life, thats why He died FOR us. Hes giving EVERYONE a chance, He wants everyone to take the free gift of salvation from Hell. He wants us to be His and begin to follow His life of love and service through His power and abiding (staying) with Him. So long as we keep our hearts near to Christ through His strength, strive to follow His will of perfect love revealed in the Bible, and let Him lead in the midst of (very certain) pitfalls and struggles, we will, in time, win the ultimate victory over sin, pain and DEATH through Christ. Even if you are willing to be made willing, pray for Jesus to come in and He will do what we can't. Give us The Holy Spirit who will guide us in the right way.
NOTE: You are NEVER too sinful or messed up that God cannot turn your life around through Jesus. EVER.
If you have any questions let me know x
Feel stupid thinking about it lol but it was a learning curve is that normal what u think
👌
What books do you recommend on this subject?
you should read some Stoic philosophy, if you haven't already :-) Marcus Aurelius' Meditations and Epictetus' Discourses are 2 good, relatively short books with some great ideas. The ideas are taught in military schools and lots of pro athletes use the ideas as well.
Thanks for sharing this info Martha!
People these day..
Feeling Ughh ..
I feel you haven't explained enough
What I'm still tryna figure out who I really am
Im dealing with alot drama...................
Its been 3 years so idk if you are still responding to comments, but if you are, please can you tell me how one goes about defining themselves? I want to be able to let others' opinions go but I can't because what if they are right?? I can't trust my own perspective because what seems real for me is almost certainly not for everyone else. Like, people often tell me I'm dumb and it hurts; however I can't let that go because to define one's intelligence they must understand it, right? I want to believe that I'm smart, but what if I'm just too dumb to recognize how dumb I really am? Adding on, if I choose to believe I am smart regardless in order to feel better, would that also make me arrogant or selfish? I'd rather be dumb than be either of those things, but to accept it as part of my definition only proves they are right which makes me feel even worse. How are you able to decide with such confidence what you are? I always feel like I am doubting my own judgement,, I just want to be told what I am so I can be at peace with it and others' opinions. But that isn't possible which is why I wanted to ask if you had any tips on where to start?
And also sorry for the long rant, I didn't realize I had typed so much😂
You have to understand, everyone thinks and feels this way. everyone has 2 sides to them. Over analyzing and overthinking won't make you better it will just make you change into someone who isn't you. What you like is fine, the way you speak is fine, the way you look is fine. Ask yourself how often you analyze all these things from every person you see in the day.
A lot
😮😮😮😮
Hi Ron I know who I am and I know what I value but I still feel like I have to defend myself.
I agree that there are some cases where you will have to speak up for yourself. I mentioned that in my setting boundaries and stop people pleasing video. When you know who you are and what you value, those opinions will never control of affect how you carry yourself moving forward. Others are always going to think what they want to think. We can’t control that, but we can control how we act and react to it!
@@RonaldLBanks Thank you
You’re very welcome Cathy!
Yes what a big mistake that was
That's not it. It has taken too long.