Inner Child Work: Healing Shame and Fear
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- čas přidán 15. 08. 2015
- Counselor Carl (serenityonlinetherapy.com) explains how shame and fear act like a prison that keeps your True Self locked away in emotional isolation where you hide to prevent others from discovering what you believe about yourself, that you are unworthy and inadequate. Shame and fear form the core of the emotional world of the Wounded Child, causing depression, anxiety, stress, codependency, and fear of intimacy, which can lead to unfulfilling relationships, mindless compulsive behaviors, emotional isolation, a sense of emptiness, and even addiction. Healing begins with embracing your shame and fear through acceptance and nonjudgmental observation, which is called mindfulness. Counselor Carl's straight-forward teaching style makes complex concepts easy to understand. Counselor Carl is a licensed, professional counselor with 19 years of clinical experience both online and face-to-face.
Thank you so much. You changed my life, I was trapped in so much, pain, shame, fear, did not know it was a symptom of reacting to my dysfunctional family environment. I will forever be grateful to you for these videos, i understand myself better now and am starting to develop compassion for myself instead of hating myself as someone bad.
I am so happy that my videos have helped you. I wish you the best in your journey to True Self!
This really reminds me of Carl Jung’s self created term “shadow work”
Yes, Carl Jung led the way in teaching that we need to embrace all of ourselves, including the "shadow side" of things about ourselves we are uncomfortable with, repress, or reject, in order to become a whole person.
I had a very dominant father with his own issues and that led me to repress my "shadow" and It never became the healthy drive with all its features wich a grown man needs when dealing with all the challanges the world throw at us. i was always lacking something I felt.like a strong sense of self wich gives a person its "super ego" and a good functioning confidence. I never seen a therapist but I made my own therapy session at home with the right setting and a small dose of psycedelic mushrooms cos I saw all these videos here on utube of people having good results and benefited grately from just one trip. it was an interesting evening.trip lasted 4 hours and my mind went on a journey way back to my childhood and I relived some rough episodes of beeing mentally broken in pieces. It was seeing myself in a movie on tv and it was like and epiphany to why I am the way I am today. my mind startet stiring in the next weeks.it was like I had finally figured my self out. one afternoon I felt weird and kinda had some chills.had to sit down and relax and I felt this rush in my head and this emense force arised in me and I just knew instinctively that that was the subdued "shadow" that was getting integrated into my conciousness and I felt so mentally strong all of a sudden.like the other guys I know who have had that since they where teenagers. I was 39 when this happend and I got to feel what a healthy mind should be for a grown man. Ive seen lots of shadow work and inner child therapy vids and they make u dive into ur mind and fix and mend and reorganize the psyche in many similar ways as these psycedelics did for me. I know they are illegal in many countries but its a shame cos they can do wonders taken sensibly and with caution. I known for years I had this damn mental wire mess,this home made therapy sortet out things I thought I had to live for forever and Im so so happy its gone now :D
Thank you so much for this. I am in love with someone who suffers from fear and shame - a wonderful man who is trapped in and crippled by these powerful emotions. I’m going to share this with him.
Question: What if the person who suffers from these emotions and very symptoms can not pinpoint any childhood trauma? What if he doesn’t know the cause?
You're welcome! Best wishes!
And you are a wonderful person to have noticed and supported his pain Stacey. Really nice to read your words👍
Stacey Riley Artist Good luck to the both of you I am sort of in the same scenario as the two of you but different we both need healing I've recently discovered my fear is something from my inner child which I now have to start my search to face that fear my guy he is too in the same situation we both love and care about one another we're speaking everything seems good then an obstacle gets thrown in there and do to 2 years of this I'm like I can not keep doing this he comes back then he leaves but my heart says still pursue him but when the time is right the universe will bring the two of us back together with the happiness love caring honestly loyalty faithful just you know meet up with me 50/50 one does it the other does not fix it which I did fall off my path and by reading your comment I believe that he and you are soulmates which is why you feel the way do about him and the Universe does know what is best for us so that is why the Universe has put the two you together because in the obstacle I do believe you might be his teacher to get him where needs to be but he has to figure it himself the answers can not all be given to him but some can and it was most likely your spirit guide that has guided you to this channel once again I wish you both a lot of luck love and happiness this guy is great
@@staceyrileyartist7884 that was me until i discovered the fact that that i was sexually abused as a child and had blocked it out. I had no idea until i was 30 years old. Then a life crisus flooded it all back to me. Then i basically had to start life over.
Thanks for the info Counselor Carl. I was dealing with a lady sometime ago who was dealing with (sadly not consciously) inner child issues. One of which related to constantly being let down by her single mother...always being told at the last min wont being going on a school trip, for example, when she was led to believe she would be allowed to.
She was never told the reasons (shut down) and so had to repress her hurt and rage.
In my relationship with her, our meetings never really happened. Finally she promised 100% (under NO pressure from me) that we would meet on a particular day. She not did not turn up but also sent me a text saying how much she loved me....and then promptly unfriended me from Facebook and blocked me...so I had no means of asking why or what happened.
I linked this behavior back to the above incidents of childhood...her acting out was a real problem. She has since unblocked me from Facebook but I can't see any reason to contact her again. I'm not sure what she is expecting me to do. This situation left me furious and frustrated just as she was as a child.
+malarki5 I am glad you found the video helpful. Wounded Child issues can cause us to act and react in irrational ways.
Your story awoke something similar in me. It is good that you recognized it was her inner child behaving in that way, it sounds like reacting to herself and you what she experienced as a child by her mother.... Now I´m wondering if I´m doing something similar to myself when it comes to my own concerns, will I do this for myself or not and living in that dependent not really committing to a task or caretake of myself and seeing what happens how do I feel, is something else more appropriate or important to handle exactly as it was all the time growing up with my folks, or coming late. Thank you ever so much for putting this out here!! This may really have given me a clue to my own behavior which is quite stressful. For your friend, maybe she wants to meet but can't commit and it´s very upsetting for her to let you both down.
Thank you so much you are a lifesaver, literally. The only reason I’ve been suicidal is because of what my parents have put me through.
Hello. Remember, you are a survivor. Abuse, neglect, and dysfunction can dis-empower a child. However, you have the power of a survivor. Get in touch with it and use that power to heal and grow. Create the supports and get the help you need to become your True Self. Best wishes in your recovery.
I'm so Sorry and Pray 🙏💓for your Highest Healing & Good in your Life 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓
ACA has a Laundry List Trait saying that: We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves.. I would also say that I get shame feelings when I stand up for myself.. I totally agree with what you are saying and I totally connect with what you are saying.. Keep it up;)
Another thing that I will add is that with reparenting work and IFS work is that shame and guilt are just parts of me.. I think where I am at with my recovery is to accept those parts of me.. At least to be there for those parts of me..
So glad to have come across this video! Perfectly explained in the right order
Thank you Counselor Carl. This is the first video of yours I have seen. It is consistent with all I have been learning in my own journey, but is very clearly and succinctly expressed in less than 5 minutes! I appreciate the shorter videos filled with valuable content. Liked and subscribed.
Thank you, Sharon, for your kind words. That is my goal - to give good information succintly. Best wishes!
I found the video extremely helpful after living with fear and shame for most of my life. I am so grateful for you counsellor Carl. You are my life saver. Thank you 😊
You're welcome, Florence! I wish you the best!
So nice of you to share this... Thank you...
You're welcome, Katia! Best wishes!
Thank you !!! You also have an inspiring day !
Wow!! Just discovered your videos. Thank you Counselor Carl.
You're welcome!
JJ Flash Good luck to you
Thank your for sharing your knowledge, it has been very helpful. Even though its short, it took me time to digest every slide until fully comprehend its meaning. Very compassionate and accurate way to talk about this sensitive matters.
Hi, Liliana. I'm glad you found this video helpful. I wish you the best!
Awesome thanks Carl
OMG thank you so much. It feels like I have hope after a long path with this. Thanks for your videos :-)
Philippa Hall You're very welcome! Best wishes to you Philippa!
Philippa Hall Good luck to you
thank you
Just GRÉÂT!!! Thank you so much!!! God Bless❣️😊
Information that you provide is very helpful and the way in which you speak is so good. Thanks for your videos. God bless you
Thank you for your kind words!
Avi Dembla. Feel free to post my video on your website. Best wishes!
Thank you so much! 💖💖💖
You're welcome!
God Bless you.
Thank you Counselor 💥🌟⚡
i really like your videos. thank you for them.
You're welcome!
Thank you Carl x
You're welcome, Michael. Best wishes!
Thank You wow this made me teary
You're welcome! I imagine the tears were for your wounded child. Best wishes!
I suffered from a overprotective mother keeping me from socializing even if I was on my own at school she gave me shame and fear from her bipolar disorder and schizophrenic tendencies. My older brothers ridiculed me and made fun of me, making me lose my self confidence. I was sexually abused willingly and at times unwillingly since the age of 5 but ended til I was 14, yet I continue to degrade myself virtually with other men. I hope this video will help me.
Hi, Calista. My video explains some thing very clearly. However, you have a lot on your plate to grieve, process, and heal. I would try to get help with a therapist or support group if possible. One thing to consider: When you are a child there can be no "sexually abused willingly." You will a child so it was a crime. You were a child and a victim; the perpetrator was committing a felony. Best wishes in you healing and recovery.
@@Serenityonlinetherapy thank you for this, but i still agreed to doing it and well, i appreciate your help, i know youve done a lot for many people.
@@calista910 Hi, Calista. A child can not give consent to a much older person. It is always abuse. Always!
@@Serenityonlinetherapy what if they were close to your age?
@@calista910 It depends. If they were both minors and the difference in ages was only a year or two, it might be considered experimentation vs. abuse. Here is an article that talks about sexual behavior between children: www.stopitnow.org/sites/default/files/documents/files/do_children_sexually_abuse_other_children_0.pdf
You're great!. Videos are awesome.. enlightening my life in my sobriety. Thank you :)
You're welcome! Best wishes in your recovery.
Hi Counselor Carl,
I sure wish you'd do a new series on Inner Child work. And on power of positive thinking!!😮😊❤
Excellent work thank you very much
You're welcome, Vithal!
This was incredible helpful. Thank you. I'll definitely check out your website and you've gained a new subscriber :)
I'm glad you found my video helpful. I wish you the best in your recovery!
Thank you Sir this actually was very helpful this is what I've decided to do is I'm going to post all these images word for word on paper with a black marker you know all the shame fear and weaknesses are not my fault share it with those of the trusted that way I can see it as a reminder every morning as I begin my day and every night as my evening comes to an end I believe by doing this it'll help me to stay on my path of healing and recovery to become the Michael that God had created me to be AMEN I'll definitely be following now for my piece of advice
Thanks for sharing, Michael! Sounds like a great plan for healing. Best wishes!
Thanks Counselor Carl. 💙💫✨
You're welcome! I'm glad you have found so many of my videos helpful. And thank you for all your kind comments. I wish you the best!
Thanks ❤️👍
Mohamed Khalifa You're welcome!
Thank you so much
You're welcome!
Thank you Carl :)
You're welcome, Rob!
This is one great vid! I also love the way you explain this complex issue innsuch as simplicitic way. Thank you so much ❤️
Thank you!
Thank you
Dr Samaa Omar. You're welcome!
Amazing video
Thank you, Houda! Best wishes!
This happen to so many people I met in my life ..it manifests thru eating disorder .addiction .it happens to Men and woman both
Work on your self today Omg You Matter too .Grow precious souls
I have a strong feeling that i am adopted which led me here
Heal
Omg You are worthy
Problem is I trust no one when I have I always prove myself right
Look for something and you will find it.
Nice explanation
Thank you!
Thank you President Bush
Namaste love light precious soul
Omg so many people in my path thst struggle wth thus
Hi Carl, I've been searching for books, videos, and articles on the *wounded healer* which was described by Carl Jung but I was wondering if you knew anything about it. I ask because a family member has been in AA and therapy for over a decade and nothing has change for the better in her behavior. In fact, it's gotten worse with her mother and more distraught because she's getting a divorce. I tried to tell her that her many therapists failed in addressing her inner conflicts and wounded-ness because too many of them have not address their *own* wounded-ness. So how can she or anyone else seeking help, find a therapists who has legitimately addressed their own issues which would allow them to heal their clients?
Wow, that is a difficult question to answer. There is truth is what you are saying. Many therapists come from a wounded background. When I worked with intern therapists that was the main issue I worked on with them, and in particular, any codependent programming they might bring into the therapy session. Why codependents? Because they, more than others, seek to distract themselves from their Wounded Child shame and fear by being the rescuer and fixer, which means they probably have unrealistic expectations about what they can and can't control, and about what they are and are not responsible for, which means they might have poor boundaries in their sessions, tie their worth to the successes and failures of their clients, and even become resentful of their clients for stressing them out. All therapists have issues; after all they are humans. So, you want to find a therapist who is at least mindful of their issues so they don't act them out in the therapy sessions. As far as how to find such a therapist, it really is looking at what might be available in terms of information about a therapist: their websites or videos, what friends may say about their therapist, directly asking questions of the therapist such as you just asked me, etc. Then, after your research, you pick one and see how it goes. Here is another point to keep in mind: if your family member has worked with one ineffective therapist after another, then it might not be the therapists. Rather, it could be that your family member is not yet ready to do the work.
This is lovely. And has opened my mind to stuff I didn't even realise the problem was. I found a inner child healing while u sleep vid. Can my 9 year old listen to that? She struggles with being her self and making friends :(
Hi, Tracey. I'm glad you found my video helpful. As for your daughter listening to an "inner child healing while u sleep vid," it sounds like that is not one of my videos, so I don't know what it says. You might ask the creator of that video if it is appropriate for a 9yo. Best wishes!
Hello and thank you for the video. Where abouts is the in the does the inner child speak from ? I know it’s the mind but is there a certain place? Like in the head ?Thanks
Hi, Besty. The inner child is a metaphor for all the unhealed emotional wounds from childhood. As such, they mostly reside in the primitive fight-or-flight part of the brain, which is the lower brain . The highest part of the brain is the mid-prefrontal cortex, the site of mindfulness, which allows us to step back and observe our own brain. For example, if fight-or flight is triggered, our mindful brain (if we have developed it sufficiently) can step back and ask, "Is this a real threat or a false alar?" No other species has this ability to be mindful. For more on this, view my playlist of videos on Mindfulness. Here is the link: czcams.com/play/PL_wjG-62KkusrRNsHeH_E0x9dux8c6eBp.html
@@Serenityonlinetherapy thank you very much sir. peace and love
@@bestymusic4845 You're welcome!
I cannot trust anyone. Especially the people I fall in love with, are the most challenging moments to face. Because I am afraid to be touched even metaphysically by someone who is going to hurt me later. I don't Believe if anyone exists who doesn't ditch or hate or leave or hurt in any every way possible. Sadly I don't trust myself that I will be able to save myself from such instances anymore because all the limits has been crossed. And I am on the verge of complete decay in adulthood.
Hi, Anuradha. I'm sorry you feel so lost. You should not struggle alone with these thoughts and feelings. Seek help from trusted friends, family, or professionals.
Have you worked on healing your relationship to yourself? The painful narratives I hear can be healed and reframed.
We can recalibrate our red flag meters and have self trust again...it takes time and patience.
I wish you healing. 💫
Please god I pray jus fur today the universe will help them
Very helpful video thank you. I didn’t know that shame and fear were connected. And I like the expression true self to refer to our real soul that has unfortunately been manipulated damaged and wrecked in our childhood by some fucked up narcissistic psychotic sadistic father Thanks a lot
You're welcome, Karima! I wish you the best!
Please help me.
are you allright , here now???
Your videos are amazing. I'm in the midst of a painful stage of a 14 year marriage where I'm facing the reality that my wife's childhood is sabotaging our marriage but as of now she views the problems as being external (i.e. me) and any suggestions that her distancing behaviors are coming from within are met with defensiveness and a feeling of being criticized. Any ideas on how I can approach her with your videos without triggering her fears?
Gary Jones That's a difficult situation. Invite her for couples counseling to work on solving "our" problems (rather than saying "your"problems).
Gary Jones BEST SOLUTION is UNCONDITIONAL love and requesting her to have complete faith in u to share any hidden experiences, and u need to give her assurance that IRRESPECTIVE of anything that happens in life to us, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE U (her name). LOVE solves all challenges.
Gary Jones OMG. This is me and my husband exactly, except we've been married for 15 years, but I've been emotionally abusive for 14 of those years. Both to him and our kids. I have an abusive, narcissistic mother and lots of issues, and was behaving narcissistically in the marriage.
My husband tried family therapy but it didn't work because I would get defensive and shame and criticize him. The thing that helped me see the problem was him leaving with the kids and no contact except messages and I could only speak to him and the kids publicly. I talk to the kids once a week for 2 hours. My husband is still not ready to talk to me.
He demanded I get psychiatric help and said he won't come back until I'm on the road to real recovery. So I'm doing a psychiatrist and also online therapy which has actually been more helpful. And I watch videos and do cognitive exercises.
But I could not see that my behavior and incessant neediness was the problem until I had a good three weeks alone, to feel pain, reflect on that pain and reflect on my behavior, and basically hit rock bottom.
Still have a really long way to go, but I'm so thankful for making progress. I'm feeling better and learning so much, and don't feel like I need him desperately, like I used to. I hope we get back together, but right now I'm just focusing on healing and learning strategies and just being happy in my own skin.
Hope things work out for you two. Your wife probably needs an enforced separation to actually gain perspective. And you need it too.
Syed Mazhar Not really. Sorry but that's just poetic cr*p and encourages him to be a victim. It's a disservice to the abuser. Whether we abuse or are abused, we need space and time to heal, take responsibility and re-establish boundaries.
No point giving someone a gun to shoot you with, if they've already shown you that they're trigger happy.
If you suggest she has problems, she can't hear you..she'll go into self protective mode. Shame translates things into "I am the problem" "I am bad", and so on. That can be overwhelming to feel, deal with...so many people will defend against it.
To approach someone with a core wound of shame, you have to tread so lightly...as anything can be taken as "you are defective", to them. No one reacts well to that...especially if that's their deepest hidden fear, even hidden from themselves.
If you try to force a butterfly out of it's chrysalis, you'll harm it, it needs to do the hard work itself. It requires "holding space", patience & acceptance.
There is a wonderful book on validation, "I Hear You" that may help. I know your comment is from years ago..and maybe you've gotten into a good pattern, but thought I'd comment anyways!
Core wounds and subconscious programming take a lot of healing, layers, and the nervous system moves like a "turtle" (per my therapist). We can consciously "know" something, but it takes a long time for our nervous system to stop reacting. Emotional regulation techniques are key to building resilience and ability to even heal.
If your wife would do things that are emotionally regulating, and you join and support her...it will do wonders for your relating. Even if you just do it, and don't suggest it to her...but live it out. That can sometimes be the best. We don't convince a dog at the shelter by rushing them...but by being available, gently, from a distance. Letting them approach, without pressure. Any pressure, and they retreat into self protection again.
I wish you healing and connection 💫
I feel like I cant journal, someone will find it and read it.
Yes that can be a problem. Some journals have locks. if you journal on the computer, there are ways to create a folder with a password.
I record my thoughts on my phone. My phone has a password, and no one uses it but me
I totally understand...that held me up too. My mom had read a diary and also notebooks that my friends and I shared (back in the day before cell phones!) and it made me more prone to self editing and not writing at all.
You could get a lock box for a written journal. or the aforementioned ideas (if you want to go the technology route).
Journaling is so, so powerful. I have had resistance to it too...but when I do it, it's so obvious I need it. It can help us access and release parts that just talking, thinking, don't do.
As I heal, I care less and less about someone finding it and reading it. Why? Because of the increasing self acceptance and less shame about what any of those words mean about me as a person. If others have a judgmental or evaluative paradigm of me, and my humanness, that's more on them...than on me!
It's freeing to move in that direction.
I wish you well, journaling, healing and peace! 💫
What do you do when there are no other's to "share with"? No one.
Hi, Carl. You intentionally build a support system. Going to a support group like Codependents Anonymous can be a big, first step. I wish you the best.
My other is a therapist. I am from there healing my relationship to myself. To have a powerful, intentional, accepting self relationship...is the springboard for building all other secure, supportive, relationships.
So hard when your videos are so limited.
He does counseling
fear is the cancer of the soul
Hi, Stephen. Fear is actually a helpful emotion, but out of control fear that is not grounded in present reality is like a cancer that eats away at one's quality of life.
Information that you provide is very helpful and the way in which you speak is so good. Thanks for your videos. God bless you
Thank you
You're welcome!