The Demented Daddy
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- čas přidán 4. 06. 2023
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Ben may be grumpy, but deep down, he does have a lot of empathy.
exactly why he's my favorite!
Did you see the one where a guy goes in for getting bit by dog? That's another good example of Ben being grumpy but empathetic.
That’s why he’s so grumpy all the time 😂
I adore Ben ... I reckon I worked with him
It’s criminal how expensive it is to get proper care for our elderly.
It's ridiculous how people don't want to pay to have they loved ones taken care of when they themselves won't do it
@@honestytoafault Not everyone can afford that proper care, it is VERY expensive and they can't always do it themselves. It takes a very special kind of person to care for someone who acts like a young child with the strength of a full grown adult, even more so I would like you to imagine bathing your own mother/father only to have them swing at you because they don't remember who you are even though you have done this every night for the last 4 years..... This is not an easy situation to be in. Is it better just to toss them in any old home and let them be abused without a voice to say so? It is harder than it seems and takes more compassion from us all. That is the whole point of the video, compassion but the ER isn't the place to try and get a break but thankfully some places will offer resources, not all of them but we all got to start somewhere, this video is meant to shine a light on a system that is failing. (Speaking as a CNA, In Home Caregiver and a Middle Aged person with injuries that no longer allow me to do those jobs as well as having family experience to boot)
People with dementia requires a level of care that a) most people cannot provide and b) needs a team of multiple people.
Just like in this video they can become extremely agitated and aggressive - their brains are malfunctioning and they have no idea where or when they are. They’re also prone to wandering away.
Home aides and nursing homes equipped to handle dementia patients are expensive- we’re talking thousands of dollars a month.
@Ronnie Herriott
It IS expensive. My friend is paying over $9,000/month for her husband (who has early onset Alzheimer's) to be in a Nursing Home. And, my friend still has to provide for things like diapers, wipes, mattress protectors, etc. Medicare pays a very small portion of the costs for elder care. A lot of people do not have the resources to pay for this kind of care. Luckily, my friend has a sister who helps pay this monthly Nursing Home fee. There are many people who are struggling to pay their own monthly bills. Elder care is difficult and expensive.
I believe most people, including myself, feel a deep responsibility and commitment for caring for our elderly parents. I'm just saying not everyone is financially able to do it on their own.
A huge shout out to all the elder caregivers out there. ❤
@@honestytoafault ...tell me you have no idea how expensive medical care is without telling me...
Shout out to all the caretakers out there ❤
❤ I appreciate that
Even though I have never met you, I love you.I wish the absolute best for you ALL
Thank you ❤️🇮🇪
It's incredibly hard. My Mum was discharged with no warning while I was working. The rehab discharged her when I was just about to go on a long planned holiday. Caring for her has ruined my life. I will never get the years with my kids back
❤❤❤❤
As a CNA in memory care, this brought tears to my eyes. I have had plenty of residents "dumped" with signs of abuse because the family couldn't properly handle them. When you brought out the restraints, I started crying. I have never had to restrain a violent resident. My coworkers say I have a magical way of calming them down. All I do is ask them about something from their past and get them talking about that. Redirect their mind.
It's good to know that there a some good people who work in memory care. A family member had dementia but didn't have medical power of attorney. They took care of him at home because they figured he would be abused if they sent him to the nursing home. My mother was trapped in nursing home without medical power of attorney. She really wanted to leave, and at first she was capable of making her own decisions. But her voice was very quiet so they ignored her. It seems like nursing home patients who can't speak for themselves and don't have the right kind of PoA become the property of the nursing home.
As a retired CNA myself, I can tell you that it's a BLESSING when that works. But what can you do when it does not? We don't always have the luxury of time on our sides.
I once admitted a woman for "a fall". Fam said she "accidetally" got outside & "fell crossing the road to the mailbox". Odd thing, she had no skinned knees or hands, no road rash. ONLY raccoon eyes. 🤔 Another, a "frequent flyer" w/ chronic respiratory disease, who's son was overheard telling her that he had put her belongings in a shed & moved his into HER house. I was walking past in the hall & heard this myself. Another night I had to have Security escort him out b/c he was waving about a pistol in her room! The last time I saw her, her nose had been literally burnt off. Son said "she forgot to take off her oxygen when she lit up a cigarette"! 1st of all, she'd been on O² for years & I doubt she'd "forget" & 2nd, I don't remember that she even smoked! She could be like me & been a "second hand smoker". That was > 25 Yr/ago & have cared for Lord only knows how many other elderly woman since!! I went to another shift & later another hospital, so I never saw them again. I often think of those 2 ladies & wonder what happened after those incidents. Unfortunately, I have become so jaded that I'm not optimistic for either of then! I've seen so many horrible Fam members who seem to have forgotten that Mama & Daddy sacrificed so much trying to give them a decent childhood when it comes time for THEM to be the needy one! But I thank God for the good ones!
Like you, I had that ability to calm belligerent patients & other nurses would ask me to "visit" their agitated patients. I know you were, or at least hope you were, appreciated by your co-workers & I want to say thank you for your compassion!
That's what i had to do with mum. Distraction works.
Playing music from their time as a teenager or early 20s also calms many elderly patients.
As someone whose father has early onset Alzheimer's, thank you for this video. He was diagnosed at 63, he's not even 70 yet and he's almost completely non-responsive and looks more like he's 90 :(
Luckily, he's never been particularly violent, he's a gentle man and the deterioration is all over. He would get really confused and upset and scared, when he was sundowning and Mum developing a heart condition was when he was finally reassessed as needing to be in care. It's hard to watch him get worse, but we love him and are there for him nonetheless.
Bless you and your family.💞
Bless you & your family. My M-I-L has early onset dementia, early 60’s too..I dread the future
My mother was diagnosed at 55, it's horrid and there are very few resources for those who are "seniors".
😢❤
@@georgettefrey1065 ,now that's what you call early-onset.
This was my father. My brother and his wife sold their 2-story house and bought a one-story ranch with a 2nd living area, bedroom, & bath on the other side of the kitchen. The intention was to move my father in. My father suffered from dementia and was incontinent. He started to refuse to cooperate and was becoming violent. It was so much that a home healthcare nurse wouldn’t be sufficient. We were able to place him in a memory-care unit in December 2019. We were visiting every week with my sister-in-law visiting 2-3/wk. Then Covid hit and the unit went into lockdown. My father become despondent and passed 6 months after being transferred there. Modern medicine allows us to live far longer than what our brains can survive. In the end my father died alone, in a strange place. My heart will never heal from this.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
@@haggielady Thank-you.
I’m so sorry for what you and your family went through. We went through something similar with my Mom. What was awful was that when she got into a memory care unit she started to improve. But when COVID came it was just horrible for her. In addition to the dementia she was almost entirely deaf. But she had been very hard of hearing from birth and was a lip-reader. She had to see your face to understand you. So for the last 6 months of her life she was stuck mostly in her room not remembering each day what was going on and why all those people insisted on wearing masks so that she couldn’t understand them. I’m sure she thought I’d abandoned her. I also believe she just gave up.
i'm so sorry for what the loved ones went through and their caregivers that weren't able to be the resource they wanted to be for them as their condition deteriorated. for me, it was my own health issues that set me in place to care for my mom that spent the last 3 years on earth with me and to pass away in my arms, just like she held me when I arrived. I rest knowing we did the best we could for each other 'til we meet again healthy and whole🙌🏽
@@ruthbaker5281I am sorry your last memories have to involve such sorrow. So very sad for what your mom endured.💔
Excuse me I need to just lay down and cry. I really appreciated your presentation of this difficult situation with no good answer. While my family was able to get my Grandmother in a care home relatively quickly it was still awful watching the first few years of her decline. Instead of a smiling woman who grew flowers in front of her trailer home she became paranoid, always keeping the window shades shut. I did most of my mourning before she passed. Weirdly enough she never forgot the comfort of this little beanie baby dog we had given her that she really took to. Even close to the end when she was struggling to remember any of us. For that mercy I am deeply grateful. She passed away in her early nineties. She was an incredible woman who raised over half a dozen kids on her own after leaving an abusive deadbeat husband. Just picked up her family in the 60s and moved across the country to take care of them. Her strength in doing so back in the day is something I'm still in awe of. RIP Grandma Fern. If I get old and start forgetting I promise to hold your memory in my heart as long as I can.
❤
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i have to agree about the 'mourning in advance'. My mother had dementia and at times it wasn't too bad, just answer the same question 50 times as if you never heard it before. The worse was when her husband died and I had to tell her the first time. The visceral reaction I remember her experiencing never leaves me. And each day, I had to answer her question of 'Where's Ed?'. At some point later in the week, she seemed to understand her grief but didn't ask all the time. I had an argument with her sister about forcing Mom to go to the funeral. Well guess what, I asked Mom, she didn't want to go and I didn't make her. I was the daughter from Hades who protected her from overload, questions and what would have been detremental to her. I hold dear that she died before she forgot who I was. And two months before she died we had a very special reminiscing in the emergency room. She was lucid and in my heart I knew this was a last gift given to me.
@@sharonagresta-siekerman8601 Thank you for sharing your story with me and for giving your mother the care and protection she needed. I'm just sorry for your suffering; especially having to tell her repeatedly that her husband had passed away. Much respect and sending a virtual hug if you want it.
❤😢
It was a nurse like this that rescued me from someone who had no business being a nurse.
(HUG)
@@pollypockets508 aww, thanks :)
Another hug
Yep, you get really good ones and really ----y ones in every field.
It's really hard, and so frustrating. It's horrible to watch when it's your own family, and insane to deal with when you're short staffed, but those moments of clarity are everything. Even when they aren't capable of that clarity anymore, that pride in learning them so well they don't have to ask you for help; it's an awful situation, but it makes me glad I'm there.
Thank you for being a caregiver ❤👏👏👏
Bless you
Bless You 🙏🍀
I 100% blame the companies for the short staffing and the high turnover rates.
I worked during covid. Unlike other businesses, care homes were still fully occupied. The care home I worked at was the most expensive in the area by a lot.
But they still couldn’t “afford” to pay us much. Not enough to live off of in our state without working tons of OT. And then they yelled at us for taking too much OT.
The company got a few million in PPP loans. Why? Once again, the company did not suffer as other companies did. Some costs rose due to covid, but we were still at full occupancy.
Where did that money go????
The refusal to pay a living wage made the job stressful and dangerous. It made the turnover rate high which directly led to unsafe conditions for our elderly due to low staff and inexperienced staff.
It’s frustrating because the healthcare industry has been turned into a for-profit machine that doesn’t care about the health and safety of its patients and its employees.
We need go fix this now.
Because most of us have older family members. And most of us will be old ourselves one day. And everyone deserves to be cared for at our most vulnerable.
If I get to this point. Drop me off in the woods
My grandmother had dementia, and my grandfather didn’t want her in a home, so he watched her by himself until she passed away surrounded by loved ones in her own home, in her own bed, exactly the way she wanted to go. I lived in a different state so I couldn’t help. My family that lived close did their best but it really is a hard situation. For the last year of her life, she didn’t know who any of us were. 10 years later, my grandfather requested to go to an assisted living center because he didn’t want to be a burden on anyone. He was very happy there. They let him keep his dog in his “apartment” and they even helped him take care of his 🐶(walks, bathing, etc.). God bless those who take care of the elderly, especially if they are the elderly themselves! ❤ I miss you, granddaddy and grandmother ❤
As I am approaching 70 years old, I realize now how difficult it is to get old.
Especially if your alone.
@@missmiss975 yes, you are absolutely right and I am alone
Don't worry, young ones can also be entirely alone and it's even worse, sheer hell on earth.
@@Ij-jan Don't worry. Even when the most lonely person dies, all sorts of "friends and family" crawl out of the woodwork to see if there is any inheritance. They will all claim they loved that person and were close to them , even if they had not picked up the phone to call the dead person for a decade.
🫂🫂🫂❤
This one made me cry. It’s so hard on everyone.
Me too. I worked in a nursing home for nine years. I was difficult dealing with patients whose confusion became more severe at night or worse, when their family would not come in to visit and our patients didn't understand why their loved ones were not there with them, and this happened a lot.
We need to acknowledge all those family caregivers out there. ❤❤❤
SUNDOWNER
I was blessed enough to take care of my mom in our home with help from hospice. If I hadn't had that resource I would not have made it. I was a pediatric ER nurse and I couldn't go back after she died in my arms. God bless the nurses!
What is 'sundowning'?
@@stevenscottoddballz sun downing is a type of agitation folks with dementia can experience, usually late in the day (thus the name). They may become more paranoid, make efforts to leave (trying to get “home”) or even become physically abusive as in the video. It can be a challenge for caregivers to cope.
It isn't easy. I took care of my Mom for 12 yrs. Then my mother-in-law for 6 and then my father-in-law....all while trying to work and take care of my home.
None of them would leave their homes so I ran back and forth. My sister-in-law said she wasn't ""giving up her life""
When papa died , even after me caring for him for 8 yrs and his wife, he left everything to his ""Amazing daughter"" didn't give me or my husband a thing.
When my mother passed, she left it to my oldest brother,
So Never do what you do thinking your going to get something for it people.
The Lord will get you over it and help you cause people will not. 😢
Amen Sister!
This made me cry real hard man. This was too real. My step-dad was 80 and my mom is 50. When his Lewy Body Dementia began to set in, instead of being there for him, she abandoned him to wander alone in confusion. She ran off and moved away and just left him to fend for himself. I visited him and found him in a puddle of blood after he got confused and had a bad fall. I started living with him full time and sacrificed my career to look after him. A few years later people saw how well he was doing in my care and everyone was upset at mom for abandoning him so my mother came back and stole all his money and illegally changed all the locks on his house to kick us all out of his house using power of attorney and threw him in an abusive senior home where he was abused to death. She couldn't stand that I kept him alive and took good care of him, and made up lies that she did it because she believed I was stealing from him. She did all this while throwing away his entire collection of antique manuscripts and art worth over a million dollars and while she drained his investment accounts and credit cards for her self.
This video had me reliving that awful time in my life. Well done, but also, feelsbadman,jpg
😢
A 50 year old woman has no business with an 80 year old man its not her job to be his nurse
@@sweatergod5386 "it's not her job to be his nurse"
yeah, but she took all his money so he couldn't have a nurse at all. Your attitude is super scummy.
@@sweatergod5386Who's job is it?
As someone who works with the elderly population and has been learning specifically on dementa, it really sucks. The cost of a home, the support and overall the care.
While I can smile that its a skit, it can happen every day. I love Teepa Snow as a resources to learn about/caring for someone living with the disease. Also, in real life, you should NEVER call someone "demented", always refer to them as "a person living with dementia" 😊
This is not their identity, this is their affliction.
My 83 year old father moved in with me 9 months. Right now, he is lucid and functional. I do worry about the day where he might not be so lucid or mobile. He already gets overly anxious about things. Not to the point that he lashes out but sometimes, I have to calm him down like I would calm down a young child. Unfortunately, I have a lot of (partially) "forgetful" family members. Partially, because they forget to come take him to the doctor's appointment, or buy his meds, come visit him or anything else but they sure remember to criticize me for everything. Luckily, I'm able to work from home right now but I wonder how long that is going to last when he needs more care. It's a rough situation to be in.
We found it was mostly the families that hardly came to visit who would come and start complaining about everything and the ones that were there everyday that knew us and how much we would do for their family no matter how short handed or how violent they were to us that would console us when we were verbally attacked by family or upper management who knew nothing and never lifted a finger to help.
When they start critizing, remind them that the door and opportunity to actually help is open and endless. Let them know it's not acceptable to be like that and not go to appointments, pick up medications, help with giving you personal time, general cooking, chores and visit with him. This happened to my MIL. She was taking care of her Dad at home and all anyone did was critize. She wasn't in good health herself. After a year, my FIL took off work, they packed all her Dad's things in a trailer and drove him 3 states away to her brother's house. My BIL went on the trip to help, lend support and serve as back up, in case it got messy. They were shocked, but surrounded by so many other family members that they couldn't object. They came home alone, but still went there to visit on 3 occasions. Within 9 months, the entire family was trying to figure out how to pay for a nursing home. They even had the gall to expect my MIL to pay for it. They didn't manage his money well or him... MIL and one of her brothers split the cost of the nursing home for about 4 months until he passed away. It was ugly.
From someone who has been through it. Start getting your resources in place now the sooner the better. Once it gets to that point you will be to tired and desperate to understand your options and what can and cannot help. There is a lady who has training videos for caregivers her name is Tipa Snow. I forget what the collection of videos is called. They are worth 10 times what they cost. Educate yourself as much as you can now on what is to come. Try to get home healthcare services in the door now. When things start to progress progress being use to the idea of people coming over will go a long way in avoiding the alienation they can feel when they are getting to the point you can't do it alone but they still want to believe they don't need much help. As for the forgetful family everytime they criticize try this "maybe that could work better but I'm so worn out I don't know how to go about it. Come do that for a week and let's see if it helps." There are 2 types of family the ones that can't do it long term but want to help with unhelpful advice and the ones who just want to pretend they could do everything better but would never do it to begin with. The well intended will either help and realise they have no clue or find a more constructive way to help. The other will just continue their behavior and you should just ignore them and only have contact when necessary.
You absolutely are in a tight spot, my Dad -God rest him- once told me that we are once an adult ,twice a child. My Grandpa had said it too. Prayers for you and your family 🙏 friend.
@sunshinemerlot9790 It’s never too early to look into Hospice. We thought they were just an “end of life 6 months or less” organization but it turns out that is not true.
So this literally happened to my family but with nurses who were not nearly so understanding or kind. And my family very much did NOT forget/avoid picking up my grandpa. The nurses were so adamant that my grandpa had to be in a nursing home (even though we already had a plan to take care of him ourselves) that they didn’t call us when he was ready to be picked up. They told him that we were coming, but never told us we could come pick him up, so he thought we forgot him. Then the nurses (after trying to get my family to sign the papers to get him into a nursing home without telling us what the paperwork actually was) told us we could call if we needed anything at all, and then didn’t pick up when we called to see if we could get a wheelchair because he was sundowning and we were struggling to get him in the house. They thought they could get us to call an ambulance so we would be forced to put him in a nursing home. That didn’t happen. We wouldn’t let it happen, and instead, my grandparents were able to live their last few months in the comfort of family during 2020.
Anyway, I wish the nurses there that day had been more like Austin. ❤️
Damn, Steve, got me feeling all the feels over here and even a little misty-eyed.😒🥺
Our healthcare system in this country continues to drop the ball on elder care, including support for their caregivers. We need to do better.
Thanks, Stevioe. Caregiving for an older person is never easy. It was hard for my Mom when it came to my father. It took a lot out of her. We helped, but she did most of it. She insisted. There has to be a better way.
Yup. It destroyed my mom's health. Me personally I'm not planning to do old age. I'm going to go to Switzerland for assisted suicide before i get that bad. You can arrange it all in advance. Just have to pay the subscription fee to the organization that handles it and get a doctor there. Easy peasy
Not into that. I'm more interested in pushing the envelope to extend my life as far as possible . So far so good. We humans used to live well past 100 in good shape. That's my goal. Life needs to be lived. So, chocolate in one hand wine in the other, blast along until I'm 150 and just skid in on my Honda for one hell of a ride. No assisted suicide just go until you drop!
This became surprisingly wholesome
Yes ❤
It's especially heartbreaking trying to care for a patient with dementia and realizing their caregiver is getting becoming easily confused and forgetful.
I remember when I was fresh out of nursing school, I used to be so Judgey about the people who would just dump their elders off at the emergency department and take off. The longer I work the more I realized that many of these family members have been putting up with being abused by their elder relative. They have tried to get resources, and for some reason just keep slipping through the cracks. Also, if the behaviours are extreme, many of these people need tertiary care before they can be placed in those beds are few and far between an often the waiting list can be up to a year long. Meanwhile, the family members are sacrificing their own lives to care for their elder, which I suppose is noble, but when that Elder person is kept kicking, you punching you, and sometimes even sexually assaulting you(had one daughter, who is a caregiver to her elderly father, father no longer recognized her and kept trying to rape her). I get it. I get why they do it now.
But of course.. I _don't get_ how so many can _not_ get it, _especially_ those claiming to be in healthcare.. tiny minds.. Utter bone-chilling.
The unimaginable amount of suffering you see for all involved parties while you're in school alone.. Let alone as a full-blown professional. Jesus christ.
@@Ice.muffin yeah, beat your critical drum now until it's your spouse, child, parent in the ER and your angry that the staff is adult-sitting instead of assisting your family member in their hour of desperate need. Just blame it on the evil staff, that's the go-to excuse
@@morphergaming0531 I _am_ the stuff and know _precisely_ how things are happening, and your entirely irrelevant to my message comment does nothing but prove how narrow-minded and tiny brained you people usually are. You understood and keep understanding *nothing* . Praying I meet the smallest amount possible of creatures like you.
Right there with you on this one. I saw it many times as a CNA. It took me many years to understand it too. For alot of the same reasons you mention here.
I think anyone who has been around old people can tell that majority of the time they are not pleasant to be around and are often mean and abusive.
I appreciate all of the care givers that actually do their job and Care for their patients. I've witnessed several loved ones go through dementia before they died. 😢 Some of their adult kids helped out but still needed a professional.
The “forgetful family fee” would be just another punishment for being poor and helpless, I’m afraid.
No
It’s more of a “what part of emergency do you not understand?” Fee
The ER is not a doctors office or a nursing home
As sad as the situation is, leaving them in the ER is not the right place neither. The ER does not have the staff or time to care for such patients without resulting to just tying them to the bed and keeping them physically restrained. That's no way to live.
It's already starting in Canada, and as the Baby Boomers begin to in mass reach the age where such mental deterioration begin to manifest, we'll see more push for euthanasia. Not everyone has the money to provide the facility care for such people, but neither can we just let them be tied down in the ER or occupying a bed at a hospital that would better serve on someone else with an actual medical condition that can be treated.
@@jonathanwilliams1065 , uh most people that use the ER are actually poor and uninsured.. because if they DO have money they typically have insurance and other sources of care.
It's for those who just dump their family and abandon them
I agree. People who have money can afford private care, medication’s, that sedate violent dementia elders, and have a fenced yards and special locks. People who get there knickers in an out about this and think it’s black and white have never worked in Health Care
My grandmother had six children and nine grandchildren and still I was her primary caregiver for almost a year when I was 21 years old. My mom and aunt must have felt bad about this on some level because they started all these rumors about how horrible I was being to Grandma and how I didn't love her at all. When I moved out of her house because I couldn't do it anymore, they refused to give me ANY updates on her condition because they claimed I hated her so I wouldn't care at all what happened to her. I was completely stressed out about her for years because I felt like I had left her alone in that house with no one to take care of her. Eventually I found out that she had been in an extremely nice nursing home for a year. No nursing home is exactly an ideal environment, but the one she went to was known locally for being "the taj mahal." (My grandfather was wealthy so I suspect that had to do with it.) I was really mad at my mom and aunt for just letting me sweat it out when she had been safe for a YEAR, but at the same time I was just so relieved that she wasn't going to fall down the stairs and die alone. I will say that I think my uncles quietly knew/know that I really, truly did care. A lot.
Kudos to grandchildren trying to take care of their grandparents. Nobody talks about us but we are out there.
Oh dear God, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. 💐 Grandchildren really do try, but it's new territory for us, in that our parents never taught us. And in your case, they never helped so you could have a break. 💜💚💙
@phoebetheimer2877 You are a fantastic granddaughter and you are not alone with being hated by your family. My grandparents had 5 kids and 14 grandkids, yet none of them did squat for my grandmother but my mom and I.
After my grandfather died, my mom and I brought my grandmother down here to FL to live since she had Alzheimers and none of the rest were interested in taking her.
Then we got accused by my aunt of kidnapping my grandma, the aunt who couldn’t be bothered to take her for a day while my grandfather was dying. She even threatened to call the cops on us, lol!
That aunt was mad because my mom got POA and claimed she couldn’t apply to any nursing homes because she needed POA, which was a lie. We would’ve happily signed whatever papers needed signed and drove grandma up there. She could’t even take my t
grandma for a week while my mom got eye surgery.
15 years later, the rest of the family still hates us but we know we did all at could for my grandmother and have no guilt…other than the relief that she’s dead.
The rest of them have to deal with their guilt.
This is so true. Memory care is expensive and hard to find! We tried hiring home care aides for night-time care for my Dad before he got placed in a nice memory care unit. The aides often woke my 88 y.o. mother, who cared for Dad alone all day, because Dad was "uncooperative" . Of course he was uncooperative! He had dementia! That's why they were there in the first place! It seemed like they wanted to sit and read while he slept, instead of trying to engage with him to keep him happy when he couldn't sleep, so Mom could get some rest. And believe me, sundowning is as real as it gets.
Sundowning is so difficult to deal with, as a caregiver for people with dementia, I can relate to that so much like Austin does
Thanks for showing this in a serious tone, it is much appreciated. My dad passed on Sept 7, 2002 due to complications from Alzheimer's. From the very start of the symptoms to his last day was a little over 10 years. The last few years were really rough and we ended up having to put him in a nursing home when he developed dysphasia and had to have a G tube placed and his food pureed. (This was removed about a year or so later when he was able to swallow, however he still had have soft foods and have someone check on him, or help him with eating.) We tried for a long time to care for him at home, however my mother was also sick with several different conditions so for about a year or so before the nursing home, I was handling a lot of his care (on top of taking care of my own home and 3 children). It isn't easy, and back then, there were a lot less resources available, and even medications to help offset Alzheimer's were still in the testing stages. Watching the decline, seeing him go from a healthy man who barely took a Tylenol, to a person in a wheelchair that lost a lot of his memory and more ... it was rough. It was like watching him die twice. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
To all the caretakers out there, you're not alone. If you have a support system, make use of it. If you have resources in your area, check them out.
I wish you the best.
Thank you for this video, Steve ... I work NOCs and it never ceases to amaze me how the sweetest, kindest elderly person can go from completely lucid to confused and violent when night falls. It must be so hard on families!
I really love your social media. Showing the ups and downs of the profession. Showing us its ok to laugh through the pain and sadness. You are hilariously talented and I even love your caring side. Keep it up!!!♥♥♥♥♥
Well this one hit a bit too close to home.
Quality of life is no longer the point in this country, only quantity. It's sad and morally wrong.
This broke my heart because my mom died from dementia and other health issues. Even though we were at the nursing home every day at least once a day to check on her so many others were just abandoned in the nursing home. It is so sad.
I worked in a nursing home for a few years - the amount i learned from talking to the old folk in there is completely invaluable
❤ Thank you.
Ngl if I turned out like that when I’m old or lose my mind I just want to have assisted death. I’m not putting anything through that shit
Dammit, who cut the onions? This hit me right in the feels. I'm currently a caregiver to my mom and it's so damn hard. Watching the decline, knowing there isn't much I can do, but also trying to keep her comfortable is exhausting at times. She's in the early stages of cognitive decline (not yet diagnosed as dementia) and it's already incredibly stressful. I hope to be able to get care plans in place before it gets to the point in the video.
After my mom's stroke, she went from "just" physically abusive to trying to beat me to death at the drop of a hat on a daily basis. Because I had moved back in with her to keep my, then very little, baby from having to be homeless, the family dropped the entirety of her care on me for years, which was made even more difficult and dangerous by the fact that I'm a full time wheelchair user whose joints are extremely prone to dislocations(due to both genetics and their abuse). I'd get woken up by her beating the crap out of me because she was convinced that I had a man in my bed(usually it was something like a stuffed animal, pillows, or just some blankets). I started having to use my wheelchair as a door barricade at night because she and my dad had broken my door down from years of trying to beat their way through it to get to me, so it barely closed, let alone locked. She would hit me, kick me, scream at me that i should unalive myself, trap me in the bathroom with her wheelchair yelling that I was a horrible mother, and lock me outside in 8° weather while she told my poor sweet baby that I cared more about men than I ever would him(I hadnt even had a bf for years at that point). I'm sorry, but as much as it would have screwed the er workers up and made everyone mad at me, if I could have left her at the ER, I would have. I was far beyond my breaking point and i seriously considered homicide multiple times. I finally convinced my family to let me contact social services and they eventually removed her to a state run nursing facility. She and her husband repeatedly broke me physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually for over 25 years of my life, but no one in the family, at church, or in school believed me due to their old age and acting/gaslighting skills. Her husband died right before her stroke and I haven't seen her in around 5 years and, judge all you want to because I know this sounds horrible, but I'm fine with her being in a casket the next time I see her. Not all of us are horrible people, just desperate and are losing our everloving minds. 😭
I wouldn't blame you with all you've had to go through. For any of it. That would be hard enough for someone in top condition. You're such a special person for putting up with it for so long and glad to hear it sounds like you're out of that situation. I hope everything is better going forward. ❤
I'm so sorry this all happened to you.
For others: If the elders you are taking care of you are abusive like this and rest of the family disbelieves you or won't "let you" or help you get them into other care; report it. Report the violence, report that rest of the family won't help or doesn't believe you and get outside help.
A lot of states and cities have some sort of elder care protection agencies. ( My city has at lest one) . They will actually come in and investigate whats happening. Some will even take the elders guardians to court and strip all power from them, give the power to another family member or at the worst, the state. (which yah is never that great but would be better then an abusive or neglectful guardian.)
In a case like what the Kris talked about, they'd probably side with Kris, tell the family what is really going on and try to work with them to get the elder into care. If that doesn't work, they would probably work to strip guardian powers away from whoever had them if Kris didn't have them and then help Kris find the elder better care.
It might not be easy but there is typically help to be found.
The prison can handle her if the ER can’t. Caretaking doesn’t mean giving up your own safety. Sending love and kisses to you and your child.
I am very sorry to hear that. I wish you the best now.
Holy fuck, I almost cried reading that.
You deserve so much better than what they put you through. I'm sorry you didn't have the love and support you needed. I hope you're in a much better place. No one can blame you for anything, you already put up with far more than your fair share.
Wonderfully done!!! Need standing ovation button. At 17 was homecare for dementia lady... lasted 3 nights. As RN working in nursing home that recruited lots of rehab pts and roomed them amongst dementia.. was hell. Was seen as lazy by some for playing 2 fast games ticktacktoe or singing we all live in a yellow submarine to redirect behaviors but chemical restraints don't work well and physical restraints aren't allowed. Now older, disabled and terrified of when I can't do it all myself anymore... there really aren't good resources.. the list is just to make the giver feel a bit better.
First video I've watched of yours in months. It brought tears to my eyes. I quit my job to care for my two elderly parents, one has dementia the other Parkinson's. I have three teenagers at home. I've only been doing this 9 months and I'm so stressed out. I've fallen into serious depression. My active fit lifestyle is no longer and I've gained weight. I'm not lazy, like people look at me and think, I'm stressed and burned out. People don't understand how stressful this is. Office of the aging can't help us. We are too "rich" for help and too poor to afford help. Thank you for acknowledging this type of situation.
Growing old is not for the chicken hearted but since we all have to do it, we should always try to remember who they once were and treat them with care
Years ago when I first started nursing I did some home health care. I had this elderly demented lady with long scraggly hair. She was mostly bed bound except for the commode. She was mean and liked to pinch while you were trying to help her up.
One evening her husband took me around the house he showed me pictures of a lovely older woman with beautiful hair and dressed very elegantly. And he talked to me about her. He wanted me to see her as the wonderful kind person she'd been before this terrible illness took her mind. I've never forgotten them.
@@pmc2999 Exactly, every single old person was once a child playing dolls or cars; was once a teenager finishing high school, dreaming of the future; was once in their twentys beginning a new life, maybe a new job, a new love, looking to the future. Now their future is filled with visions of what was and what waits tomorrow - the harder it is to love them, the more they need it
And thank you for being a nurse, an every day hero! ❤
FFF( Forgetful Family Fee) 😂
So charging families who can't afford care and are likely either working double time or too tired to safely drive, etc... punishing victims of dementia be it the patient or family
Sundowners is the worst, most heart-wrenching thing ever. Thank you for this, I am sure it will resonate with so many tasked with the care of their loved ones in the grip of sundowners.
This happens all too often, and when we place them into long term care you know most of the local facilities are so short staffed and their care won't be the best. That's the great US Healthcare system for you.
Ive had a few experiences with absolutely AWFUL, undignified and cruel care. I'd love for you to do a few vids about that and what actions can be taken by patients to address this without suing the whole hospital. (I was sober and sane and cooperative, just in a LOT of pain.)
If I ever showed signs of this in old age. Put me down. I would never want to put my own family though this.
It's not easy getting old, especially for the caregivers.
Damn right said, hit the nail on the head.
A dementia patient took me down with a right hook at the tender CNA stage of my career. Now I know how to dodge, weeve and bob and get those retraints on. Then like Austin feel terrible after. Because that could be us some day. And dementia sends you to terrifying places that you cant always come back from. Kindness and support needed for all involved. And family’s need share the burden. Its always the one faithful son, daughter or elderly spouse. Rarely do these people get to share the burden or take a break. Kudos to all who don't give up, remain with empathy and duck when you need to!
I can certainly relate to this. My father had vascular dementia. My stepmom kept him at home for as long v as she could. He went through several placements but, due to being combative, he ended up on the geriatric unit of the state hospital. He actually received great care there.
If you watch your family getting older,remember this,getting old ain't for sissies and neither is being a caretaker
You’ve got that right!! 💪🏽
Truest words. Yet pretty much nobody will do the actual _necessary_ , what should truly be done in such situations..
My momma always says, gettin old ain't for sissies...
Getting old ain't easy, hopefully we all get compassionate people to take care of us and be there when we need it
This brought back memories too. I am crying as I see this. My mom was getting treatments for cancer when my dad was diagnosed in 2017. It was hard caring for him. We got him into a good memory care facility. It wasn't easy and it was extremely expensive. We lost both of them last year. Still trying to heal from the pain and grief we feel from their losses. Taking it one day at a time. But it is so frustrating and infuriating how insurance companies just treat you like a bank rather than a human who needs care n love. It's like they forget our parents were young and cared for us and stayed up nights when we were sick. Never asking for anything in return except love. Now they need us to care for them and we can't even get the help we need. It just disgusts me 🥺😭
This is a situation that is difficult for all involved.
The opposite also happens to seniors being all anxious during the day but sweet and happy go lucky during the evening. I guess you would call it Sunrise not sure if there's an official term like sundown syndrome.
My grandfather passed away Mother’s Day and this made me cry the grand daughter showing up put me 2 tears honestly it’s stressful wen they get 2 a certain age but I can’t imagine leaving someone in the hospital like that
I love this channel so much. Every video is fresh and original. So creative and entertaining! Thank you!👏💜
My dad has dementia. It is not easy on anyone involved. He was kicked out of his first nursing home, and is now in a new one that seems better. We're hoping it lasts, but it is far too early to tell. It's only getting worse, as it does, and both this home and the previous, are ones that supposedly specialize in dementia care.
This is very realistic actually.
As a home care nurse, I see this way too often. We are failing our seniors here in Canada. Sometimes they have elderly spouses trying to cope with caring for them at home. Caregiver burnout is rampant. My heart 😢aches for these families.
So very, very sad, and so true. Old age sucks for both The "oldster" and their families. God bless all who help them.
I felt that. A torn shoulder took my Dad with Parkinson from independent to dependent. He was released from the ER without overnight care on a weekend. That was by far the worse experience for us realizing his injuries exceeded my knowledge of care. (And all resources were closed for the weekend, even those at the independent living he lives at.) We got through with many tears on both sides. As far a the kindness you showed that too is wonderful as for me the night security who listened to me with compassion as I feared I might have to send him back to the ER.
Ben's personality is my faaaaaaave.
This made me tear up. My mom wound up in a nursing home about 6 years ago after she had a stroke. While she was there, she was diagnosed with vascular dementia. My sister went every day to help care for her, as there simply is not enough staff. You pay all that money, and they can't even hire enough nurses and CNA's to care for the patients properly. They do the best they can, but it's a challenge. My mom passed last year shortly after her 81st birthday. I'm glad she's not suffering anymore, dementia is a horrible way to watch your loved one diminish and die. Much love to anyone caring for a loved one with dementia
This very quickly went from a neglectful family member to a overworked and on the verge of breaking family member I thought that day care was a solution to this problem but it's really not if the person taking care of the elderly person is working all day and have to deal with their parent at night and the whole getting aggressive as soon as night time comes they don't really have a moment to breathe not to mention some daycares won't take them at all if they're too aggressive you really start to feel bad for everyone involved even if you're originally thought that the mother was being neglectful out of hate but instead it's needing a break and not knowing how to.
Sir, please learn English.
Reading your comment is akin to speaking with a dementia patient already.
I ended up in tears by the end. US healthcare doesn't really care. Thank God for people like you and your collegues. I worked at a VA Hospital for a long time and saw this happen. Blessedly, the staff was there for them. ♥
I recently lost my mom who cared for my dad as he's been heading downhill. Without her, we're looking into what we can do for him. There aren't any services out where they live (rural South). Anything within 500 miles has a massive waiting list or are simply too expensive. As he slips, his PTSD from the Vietnam War gets worse and more violent. It's rough to go through this, and I'm so thankful for medical providers who have tried to help us. I know it's not easy on them either.
How about Forgetful Family Share? Huh? Amirite?!
I feel very lucky that at age 80 my mother is still sharp as a tack.
Had a genetic donor with early onset. Symptoms at 52, diagnosed at 59, died at 63. Before we got them into care I definitely looked at hospital abandonment because of violent sundowning. When the caregiver is getting to the point of considering unalivement, there needs to be better support all around.
I have not experienced this in a hospital setting, but I have taken care of some unstable (to say the LEAST) clients during home care. Cases where you unfortunately have to sort of take advantage of their dementia to calm them down, e.g. after being extremely verbally abused. I have had clients where I was not allowed to give access to their own medicine doses even for the rest of the day, because they would OD, and in some cases that could make them extremely hostile.
Dementia isn’t easy for anyone. I had a coworker have to retire from healthcare in her early 20’s because a veteran kicked her so violently in the head it caused a severe concussion. And because he remembered his daughter and never behaved like that towards her, the daughter said it was something my coworker did.
She was putting on his shoes, and it was witnessed.
Care is hard for both families and staff. There’s no getting around that.
The sad reality...
I worked in a nursing home for a time. Caring for the elderly with dementia can be very challenging at times. It is also very surprising how much injury the elderly can really cause to others. one nurse was burned on her chest and abdomen, because a resident threw coffee on her. I have also seen deep scratches, and dishes being thrown.
You should definitely be able to charge people for leaving family in the hospital.
they do, they get a massive bill
I’m not sure about this because I’m not a professional, but I think that you’re allowed to call the police on people if they’re abusing elders, and abandoning their father at the hospital after he’s been approved to go home because they’re going on vacation, definitely sounds like a fits the bill for a police visit a the very least to talk about what’s going on.
You call eps in the US,...Like cps, but for the elderly...They can be charged and fined
@@maddieinmay9364 we have had to do this. We get social services involved. Sometimes it is simply down to the family not being aware of resources they could be using.
Thank you for touching on this subject!
I am a caregiver for the elderly. It is extremely hard for the patients and family!
You so rock!!!!!
I am addicted to your stuff!!
Please don’t let my body outlast my brain. Amen 🙏🏼
There but for the Grace of God go I.
Thank you to all of the nurses that take care of the elderly. ❤ I don't know what we would do without you.
Good nurses are Earthbound Angels.😇 🕊️
Thank you to all nurses too. 😊
👵☮️🖖
Austin is just a pure bean. And I love when Ben and Rich show their softer sides with the patients family. We need more good nurses like this. (Not saying nurses aren't good) just, more like these three.
I just lost my Nan 3 weeks ago following a stroke which put her into palliative care.
She got diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2016, 3 months after we lost my Grandad (we think the shock of losing him may have triggered it or at the very least severely sped up the process which may have been in the early stages at the time).
The first few years were incredibly tough, we struggled to get the right information or access to resources - we did our best but oftentimes would feel helpless. We didn’t know what sundowning was or how to respond to the “I want to go home” phrase when home is where we already were or “where’s John?” (Her late husband).
My Mum lived with my Nan part time for at least the first year, and I know she has still never gone into the full extent of the worst days and there was eventually a breaking point.
My heart goes out to all those with a family member who has this disease and although I would never agree with it, I can understand the reluctance to pick a family member up. It is exhausting and you feel helpless all the time, and it affects our own mental health too.
We managed to get Nan into assisted living and eventually a care home with financial help where she spent the last 4.5 years of her life. Despite her illness, she settled and was happy.
Support is out there, but you do have to keep pushing for it. I think with the sadly increasing amount of dementia and Alzheimer’s patients, there is now more awareness and with that will come more support.
In the UK, we have the Alzheimer’s Society, a great charity with resources and support available. There are often also Dementia cafes, which are spaces to meet up with other dementia patients and their families for support, advice and information.
Education really does make a huge difference and can make you feel a little less helpless, so do try and do research from trusted resources and attend events and talks to get your questions answered.
Once things have settled down, my Mum & I have discussed visiting dementia & alzheimers events to talk about our experiences in the hopes to help other families going through what we have been through. At the very least, making people aware they are not alone in this struggle is endgame.
If you’re reading this and can relate - don’t give up, keep going and focus on the good times when things get tough. Seek support from trusted sources, learn about it and don’t forget to look after yourself in the meantime too ❤
I had to be my grandmother's caregiver because nobody else in my family would step up. I was already my husband's caregiver, plus I have two teenagers, one of whom struggles with mental illness. It took about a year to find the resources I needed to get my grandmother into a nursing home. Thankfully she qualified for Medicaid to help pay for it. It took a really long time to get her onto Medicaid, and then it was hard to find care. There were no caregivers in her area who took Medicaid, and no assisted living facilities had space. I finally found a nursing home that had room for her. She couldn't understand why she needed to go to the nursing home, but I did my best to explain that she needed someone to be on hand to help her 24/7. I had to explain that several times a day for awhile there. She's in a good place though, and I'm relieved to know that she is safe and has the level of care she needs that I could not give her. Our society needs to have more resources for elderly people, and more people need to help them access those resources. A person with dementia can't do that on their own, let alone know that they need help.
We had an elderly friend in her 80s who couldn’t stay alone anymore,because she was falling too frequently and her health was failing. She did end up going into a nursing home. The only way her son was able to pay for her care was to sell her beautiful home. Within weeks the home she lived in for almost 60 years was sold and her most of her belongings thrown away. She didn’t do well in the nursing home and was gone with in a year😢.
Have sympathy for nurses and for families. My mother was a nurse and my parents were in their 50s and 60s working full-time and caring for the old people who kept moving in. In my family it's a natural law not to die before you're 90 but I was so afraid my parents would be next to the grave. My relatives were killing them.
As a nurse in the hospital this happens… just like this… a lot… this is being seen as abandonment cause it happens so much… if only the families would talk to us we COULD do what they want with the right paper work, this is generally known as respite care or a respite visit, some insurances cover it, just can’t drop them off and say ok I’ll be back and not pick them up for days.
Not an easy subject. Thank you for bring all sides up in your video.
It opens conversations from all ends.
I was in the same boat as a lot of these people here. Because I could not afford nursing home that would care for my dad and my grandfather. I was only 21 and I was their only family.
I quit my job and had to switch to full time care for both. Thankfully i found a program that allowed me to become a PCA and care for them. However the pay was not much, i was thankful it was something but people who do that for others, it is not enough pay.
It is not easy and i was treated badly by both, like in the video.
When they sadly both passed, i started over at the age of 30. I put my life on hold for 9 years for them, i dont regret it, but emotional and mentally i dont know if i will ever recover.
I work with the elder population it’s hard on a daily basis. The family has so much to do already and now this. ❤
As a nurse for 40 years, I spent the first year in ER 30 years in ICU and 10 years and therapy.
Your defections of the situations are spot on. It portrays the difficulties that are being experienced by nurses and medical personnel care system.
And also some of the patients that have to be cared for
Hey Stevio, just wanted to give you a shoutout for always bringing some humor into the tough situations we face. You know I've got friends and family in the medical community and hearing their stories just makes me appreciate the work they do even more. It's crazy to think about what they go through on a daily basis. But you, my friend, keep reminding us that there's a whole other side to the medical world that's nothing like Grey's Anatomy (thanks for the heads up, Dr. Mike!). Even though you're not in the field anymore, you still talk about the important issues that medical workers and their families face. And let's be real, sometimes we need a little dark humor to fully grasp the situation. So thanks again for always keeping it real and making us laugh, even when things get tough.
It amazes me how the elderly always seem to have Steve’s shirts when they come into the hospital.
Hello! Always a good day when steveioe uploads!
Thank you for the compassion. My family, who of course won’t help me one bit, thinks I should somehow be able to work full-time and take are of my dad, who has Alzheimer’s. They don’t understand that he needs babysitting 24/7 like a toddler, and I cannot handle that alone. I put him in a nursing home, and it costs $7000 a month. Medicare pays nothing for this care, even though it’s medically necessary. The US is so cruel to bankrupt families due to medical conditions. It’s really sick and disgusting. We live in a horrible place.
That is exactly why I stayed a week in the hospital with my grandfather while he had to be observers because of heart medication reactions. Sundown without me he would flip but if I was with him I was able to thankfully talk him through most of it and he would hurt himself or others. It’s so hard to deal with and the resources available are almost impossible for the average person to handle.
It’s so sad. I’ve been there on both sides- as a nurse I’ve seen the behavior of both demented patients and their caregivers; and then became a caregiver myself to a dementia patient myself. I was lucky enough to have 3 sisters and was not the primary caregiver but we all took turns taking care of our mother until we had no option except to place her in long term care. I really wish there had been a better option available but sadly there wasn’t.
Sometimes you make me cry.
When I worked in a convalescent Hospital as a janitor, at the time, the elderly already get frustrated not being able to see the sun or just family members forgetting about them because of busy lives.
When their family members finally came to visit, it lighted up their room so much, it felt like i saw that person smile for the first time in a long time.
I've never see it when just seeing the same people all day. Glad this family had some patience taking care of their family member.
My parents started losing their mental faculties about the same time. Dad was able to cover with his usual bluster and bossiness, but Mom became increasingly forgetful and unable to function.
God bless my brother and sister, who lived close to the folks, and finally got them into a decent nursing home.
It took just about everything they parents worked for and saved all their lives, but they had adequate care.
It's been close to 2 years now since they passed away, 6 months apart.
I hate what happened to them, and I hate to see what is happening to other elderly.
Things are going to get worse as the population ages, younger.people care less, and resources are dwindling.
Great job with this skit. Excellent perspective for each character.
My dad became delusional in his last days in the hospital. We were advised nothing could be done for him and arrangements were made to transfer him to a home with palliative care. I had flown back to see him for 3 weeks while he was still in the hospital and had to leave before the transfer was made (there were numerous delays). Seeing him like that was incredibly hard and heartbreaking and saying goodbye was even harder. He passed before he could be transfered, a few days after I got home.
Vote for change, US. This is crazy.