This is spot on. I only learned how much change/new situations drained me of energy after I found this channel! Since this discovery I've made sure I have ample time surrounding change so it doesn't knock me out of action. It has made a huge difference. Previously I was so stupid (not self-aware) that I would thrust changes upon myself constantly without realizing why I was tired and burnt out all the time.
Hey thanks for sharing this. I've pushed myself through tons of changes and I don't think I comprehended why I would also get burned out (but try to hide that part). The upside is I'm much more used to change and I do handle it better than when I was younger. Now I plan to tackle change a bit differently.
This is absolutely true for me. . . A lot of people will judge me to be a slow learner at first. . . Cos my brain is still looking for that pattern to set in. . . For that sweet spot. . And once I'm there. . . Best believe I will be better than the best 🙂👍🏻✨✨✨
I kind of interanlized coping with change in an emotionally unhealthy way thoughout my life: it's basically the same as masking, were I mimic emotional responses, without really experiencing them. For decades I didn't acknowledge (or even fully notice) the emotional effects, change has on me. In the last years I realized, that change has a big impact on my emotions though, even changes like nature transitioning from winter to summer will raise my stress level in a significant way. My recent strategy is to try to acknowledge changes more actively. It's a new thing I do, but how it works for know, is that I compare the mental image of the thing/situation before the change with the experience of the thing/situation I have now after the change. I compare, what aspects have changed, how that changes the situation and especially how I feel about those things. One small example is the two trees in front of my flat. In winter, when they're bare, I can see the whole street from my balcony (which is cool if I want to know what's going on), but also I'm visually and acoustically unprotected. I summer, when they have leaves, it really feels different on the balcony, more proctected but less connected. Actively and visually acknowledging why that is (instead of just getting stressed because something feels different), helps me dealing with my emotions. It's just a small example, I just started doing this :)
When I moved house after 12 years, my husband thought I was weird for nonstop unpacking until everything had a place! We moved again recently and I had learned my lesson. Instead, I set myself small tasks each day to achieve the goal of unpacking. It’s so important to plan out meals and exercise - and not to strain ourselves mentally or physically. 😁💙
This is helpful. I feel the urge a lot to “fix” everything in the house at once. I tend to collect things, all around and it gets a mess. And overwhelming and too much. I’m going to try that, just taking it in small tasks maybe each week or couple of days. I also tend to get absorbed in making lists. So, if I was packing to move for example or unpacking I would feel the compulsion to list out box categories or room categories or item categories. Do you do that? It’s often a struggle when I’m packing for trips away (or even just an afternoon), it bothers me so much if categories “mix”.
@@lauras6300 I definitely get caught up with lists! I even tried to make lists of which items would go in each of the new cupboards and cabinets after we moved. However, the lists were impractical. Really, the best way to go about unpacking is to start with the items you need right away, and find a practical, intuitive place to put them! I satisfied my need to feel organized by choosing a particular area and finishing that task first. I chose my bookshelf! If I felt overwhelmed by the tasks left undone, I just focused on the one task that I had completed. 💙😁
Wow I am super struck by that learning curve concept. I have always felt like a “slow learner” despite being very successful academically. It takes me much longer than others to move beyond feeling lost and confused in a new job etc. but then there comes a point where I take off and exceed in terms of performance. Thank you for putting into words something that has bothered me my whole life. Your channel has been life changing for me!
There's also a big difference between the change you choose and the change that is forced upon you. The change you choose is hard enough to implement as a new part of your life. But when it's forced upon you and it just doesn't make sense why it had to change or when it's making life harder somehow, that's ...... oooh, I'd wanna scream and cry and..... (meltdown).
During my last treatment for depression (still ongoing) I made a list of personal history and it dawned on me that my cycles of depression happened with big changes in my life: moving country, moving to university, new job, change in environment/people etc. It was really interesting and helped me understand a lot!
How is it with the changes? Do you need to constant change places or you have a parking? I was considering van life, but if felt like too much stress for me if I need to keep finding a place. I don't mind change places every 2/3 months, but I saw most people changing places every couple of days.
I have wanted this for SO long. Everything is nice and routine inside the van and all of the change occurs outside of the van. Supreme Autistic mentality
This is a boat I find us in since the pandemic started. Our lives turned upside down and I still haven't been able to stabilise anything. Nothing is on autopilot anymore and the mental energy needed is undoing me. My son is 28yr partially verbal and i am a long term "spectrum mum" probably on it myself. It's exhausting
Congratulations on the move, the new space looks nice. Love that you reproduced your spider plant to allow it to grow with your new location. I definitely rely heavily on autopilot and change is a slow and difficult process for me.
Hey Paul. My fiance found your Channel about 8 months ago. We were having a very difficult time in our relationship, and your videos really helped explain myself to her. Thank you very very much. We are currently in the process of moving, we found a place 300 miles away, she's been up there for the last couple of months. I'm trying to shut down my business and get myself up there, and what you were saying is right. Learning new routines is not easy but it is necessary and sometimes it makes your life better. Btw my name is also Paul. I have found that taking the process of moving slowly is helping me to acclimate to a new situation. But there has been many times in my life were moving was very rapid and very difficult. Keep making your great content, if it wasn't for you and a few others like Mark Hutten I don't think my relationship would have survived. Also thank you for the book referrals they have been really helping
I have been renovating my house over the past three years, getting ready to sell it and leave the US. Part of what makes it a nightmare is shifting things around as I work. Moving furniture, books, clothes, tools, etc.... What was in one place last week is no longer there, so I'll have to learn a new place, but, by time I learn it, I have to move the goods again... 🙄 At the same time, I'm selling stuff on eBay, learning Spanish, it was Thai, but Thailand is closed, so now it's Mexico. At least I have a drawer full of black t-shirts, and jeans that all look the same..... 👍 You should be careful eating the same thing every day, I was eating the same high sodium frozen foods and my blood pressure suffered because of it. I was literally poisoning myself for the sake of convenience and sameness.
I think it's awesome that you did a video even while going thru a stressful change. Thank you! For me, if something is a planned change, it helps to know way ahead of time so I can process it. I still panic at first, but over the course of days or weeks, I slowly get used to the idea and go thru all the details of what's going to happen in my head. Unplanned changes are really hard for me. If my schedule and routine changes just a little and I can't go swimming or have to reschedule an appointment, I get anxious, depressed, and even angry. I still struggle with change a lot. I also have PTSD so that makes change scary too.
OMG! I never realised I wasn't the only one that had 'a limited amount of decisions' I can make per day! This is exactly the reason I need routines and habits. I moved recently too, and since this is the first big change since finding out I have adhd & autism it means I am more mild, more accepting towards myself then ever before. But damn does this cost me greatly. And I too minimise my changes. I've lived here 2 months and only recently went to a different pharmacy closer to my new place. And I specifically choose this place because it's not far from the previous so I can still go to the same GP, same supermarket, same... :p I sometimes feel a bit silly for it, but it helps and the right people will understand anyway. Thank you again for this!! This video will help me explain my challenges to certain authorities and 'care takers'. Now I don't need to look for words, but can simple give them yours. Thanks!!
When I last moved home I drove 5 miles back to my old area virtually every day for about 2 years -- it was like gradually weaning myself off my old area while I got used to the new one!
Thank you. You're a life saver. I moved in with my boyfriend about a year ago and he said I suddenly turned crazy. Turns out I was just having a yearlong meltdown. Because of your videos, I finally went to a doctor yesterday and she was probably the first person in my life to believe me and validate me. You have no idea how important the work you are doing is! Thank you❤
Nice timing, as I'm currently de-cluttering and packing to move (I don't have a new place yet). I've been in this two-bedroom flat for over 15 years now (on my own). The sheer volume of clutter is appalling, and for a long time I resisted dealing with it, because it seemed like a huge task. In the end I learned to make lists all the time so I could get the easy wins by ticking off the tasks as I found the energy to do them. The positive feedback of that seems to have helped me continue and now I'm well over half done, and it feels great. That said, I can certainly relate to that feeling of reliance of routines! I think that for me, the scariest thing of all about moving is not being able to do things exactly as I have done for years. Having the same environment for 15 years makes that especially intense.
Great video!!! Thank you ! The new set is fantastic. I will start to ramble and go off topic but I'm going to be homeless and I suffer from ptsd and Aspergers. I got hurt at work almost two years ago and have no friends or family to lean on. Which is OK because as u have stated 8n other videos it is our way. But I'm terrified. I do jot go out now and all I do is eat candy and panic. I'm trying to use your videos as a teaching device to help me through and they definitely hit on point. Please keep going for me. Thank you for figuring out how to use your talent and sharing it with us.
I've been homeless a couple times and creating rituals, keeping what I could predictable, and making the effort to make connections with others (information is currency) got me through it. Being friendly, but not trusting anyone, is a learned skill that I got a little better at during my last experience. I hope you find people that will help you adapt and that there are non-profits in your area that can help (just don't tell them more than you absolutely have to, and stay on-guard with them too). If you don't have experience, research can really help. There are blogs and CZcams channels that have great information.
@@sarahjensen2473 thank you . I'm crying because ... you are the first person to talk about trust. I trust no one at all but what is so weird is I love helping people as long as I can "run away " afterwards. Thank you for your kindness.
@@puggsandgunsandthings It's ok to reach out for help or at least attempt to. This pandemic is hard. It's lonely and devastating. We don't have to be. Make a list. Take it one thing at a time, one day at a time...😊👍
I've been there too, facing my first real move after ending 4 years of couch surfing and crap trailers with no plumbing with my current place. I finally have a stable job (in a FedEx warehouse you don't have to mask as much) and I just barely make enough that hopefully my next place will have working plumbing and no mold. It's really hard some days, but you can survive it, so many of us have. Get a gym membership for showers, invest in a frame backpack and small tent if you can. If you're in the US they give you the full amount of food stamps (SNAP) if you're homeless, about $300, so you won't starve. Get a good first aid kit, and good shoes that don't leak, and a pack of thick tube socks and baby wipes. If I knew I was going to lose a place I wouldn't pay the last months utilities so I could use that cash elsewhere, and use a different company at the next place. Not great on your credit but you can pay back when you're stable again. And get a waterproof bag or box for your important documents, and be very careful not to lose them, because that's one of the things that traps people in homelessness, they can't prove that they have the right to work or where they lived last or who they are and they don't have the documents to get those documents again. If you can also get a post office box, but not at the post office at some place like a pack n mail, they'll take your mail and small packages and you'll be able to use them as a physical address if you desperately need one that's not a homeless shelter so you don't get stricken from resume piles. Google homeless survival techniques, there's a bunch of good stuff out there. Best of luck brother.
@@goldentreefrog18 thank you for your advice. I am on Google now! The less I have to interact with people that I am trusting with the core reasons for the ptsd which was only compounded by the Aspergers. My biggest problem is I get all motivated and as was stated in an earlier video I have a shutdown and go into lockdonwn mode
I’ve been married for 28 years. My wife and I have moved three times together since we met. I would say out of the 28 years, probably 21 of that, she’s been unhappy with the apartment/house were in. Well, after three years of being where we are, she’s starting up again! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!
The sound worked fine. Change for me is tough as well. I have my routine to get up and go to work in the mornings. I absolutely hate the days when I can't do that routine because I have doctor visits or blood draws that require me to not be at work at 7:30 in the morning. On those days, once the routine is thrown out, I'm really irritable and tripping over myself to get the day over with. I'm not happy until the next day when I can reset and be back in my routine.
I am autistic and I can totally relate to the difficulties in change of routine. It is something I have to work really hard at. Even the everyday smaller changes can be stressful enough, not to mention the really major things like moving house. I try to keep a routine as much as I can, but it does not always work like that. However, I find that if I ask myself the reason why the change is happening then it is sometimes easier to accept it. For example, if I am changing my routine for my wife or a boss at work then it is often easier for me to keep it in perspective and get through it. I'm not saying it is easy and anxiety with the situation still exists, but due to the nature of life, we have a responsibility to do our best to accommodate other people's needs who we care about or have a responsibility towards. Regular practice with changing routine has helped me getter better at it than I used to be. Thanks for the upload. These weekly videos help a lot!
Me and the missus moved recently and it was a surprisingly easy process. I had more than a month to prepare so I broke down all our possessions into levels of importance. Do we need to have our books and trinkets on display? No, so let’s pack them now. Do we need all our winter clothes and spare bedding? No, so they were packed. And so on. Eventually we were living Spartanly but efficiently. I packed everything by myself being sure that all interconnected stuff (TVs, computers etc) could be accessed immediately and essentials like kitchen utensils were easily available. We stayed at a transit property for a few weeks which, with my fanatical need for perfect tactile cutlery and cooking equipment, would normally be extremely unpleasant was covered by this forward planning. We’re now in the new house in Tom Price (a very remote mining town in Western Australia) and although I’m not completely adjusted, thanks to this planning life is going well! Love the videos!
This video came at exactly the right timing. Right now everything in my life is hectic, and it's just so so difficult. All my routines are gone, and I can't seem to find new ones yet that feel good. Every day feels different which is crap when you rely on routines to get you by.
Literally just went through this a couple of months ago. Went from renting a 3 bedroom house to a 1 bedroom apartment that I own. It was a nightmare organsing everything and getting it all prepped. There was a lot of overly complicated paperwork and other stuff I had to fix every day and then deal with people screwing up the plans. Right now I'm still in the middle of sorting out storage and I agree completely a lot of it is about finding new ways of storing things that are less stimulating and easier especially since my partner is also on the spectrum and can be impacted by the interior design. Lots of the new systems are already starting to work but there are also other issues like sound bleeding through from my neighbours but hopefully the benefits will outweigh the negatives once everything falls more into place.
In the diagnosis process (on a long wait list), but I suspect I may be on the spectrum. This describes me pretty well too. I just moved my home office AND had to make a bunch of phone calls for different things AND had to unpack other rooms, and it was so draining. I think every call I had to make I was stimming like crazy and felt completely on edge. It's been a few weeks and I'm just now getting settled into my new office, so I can "automate" that part of my day and not have to worry about it. It feels comfortable and everything is adjusted, so now it's much easier to get through my other duties. I was able to knock off a few things from my checklist yesterday actually, and it feels so good to have the energy to do that(and have that sense of completion!) As far as learning goes, I'm similar also. If it's learning something through auditory instructions, I really struggle as I have to repeat in my head what was said before I can process it. If words are going too quickly, I tend to tune it out and focus on something else so I don't get frustrated. Once I can get past those struggles, it's typically pretty easy to keep learning or roll with whatever I'm doing. There are times at work (or when I was at school) where I'd digest part of the info (after 10 minutes or so), then I'll switch to looking at a special interest for a few minutes, then back to work/school. This bouncing back and forth allows me not to get frustrated and continue learning or completing a task. I can often do whatever it is quickly, so no one really knows I'm doing this unless they're hovering over me.
Thank you for your generosity even in the middle of your challenges. The information you share has been life-changing for me in knowing how to be a friend to someone I care deeply about. I appreciate you!
I just moved houses & needed to hear this… thank you 🙏 I’ve been busy working a 9-5 job I started 2 months ago, DJing & trying to run my online Neurodivergent Educator business all at once 🥵 No wonder why I’m feeling overwhelmed by everything. So many changes happening.
This is a very helpful video. Thank you. I have A.S. and I move home very badly. After I have moved home I tend to put my PC desk in a corner in the smallest room and retreat there a lot. I have a thing going on with my home where I can disconnect entirely with a road or street, so that it's just me and the house and the cosmos. If I move again there is a good chance it will be to a coast, which is better. I lived beside the sea when I was young. The sea has always been very good for me.
Thank you so much for this video, Paul. Today I had a big shutdown/meltdown and it felt so stupid. I don't know why I'm STILL in burnout; it seems like I'll never get out of it. But I realized today it was just all of the changes. This morning I lost it when I updated my phone's operating system and it looked different. I broke the doorstop that I use to prop open my bedroom door. There were little things like that, but under the surface things have been changing for a long time: I had a big group of friends at church (our singles group), but everyone has been getting married and getting in relationships. Then the church merged the Young Adults (18-25) and the Young Professionals (25-40) into one group. And our church started a build-out and there's been a bunch of changes in leadership. I usually serve by cleaning, but every time I serve now everything's changed because of the new construction and I just show up and either get paralyzed or have a meltdown. And today when I found out that the senior pastor who usually preaches wasn't preaching today it was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I had to leave church and I lost it in the parking lot and I felt so petty and stupid. After that I just sat in my car for the longest time, like I was glitching out or something. And then all I wanted to do was go home and clean my house. People are quick to say "that's life" and defend the changes that are happening. I *understand* that the changes are *good.* The changes being good and positive changes don't make them any easier for me to deal with. I'm not at all suggesting that they shouldn't be happening, and I don't expect anything from anyone about it. I just don't know what to do with it other than take myself out of the environment. Thanks for letting me vent here. I am having a really horrible day and I don't know who I could explain it to who wouldn't brush it off as me just being a controlling, entitled brat who's overreacting. Days like today feel chaotic, overwhelming, unstable and downright terrifying. I've done this long enough to know that the feeling will pass eventually but in the interim I don't really know what to do. Cleaning my house is the only thing I know to do. I guess it makes things feel stable and it feels somewhat like making order out of chaos.
Oh gods, my partner and I moved suddenly last year (our rental fell through) and we were awful to each other for about 2 weeks once we moved until we got into a routine. We just were both stressed and anxious and unsure so we kept arguing about stupid things, and having meltdowns with each other. Good video. I love your baby spider plant :) I have 2 - Peter and MJ.
Moving countries across the globe a few months prior to covid almost killed me. Still a struggle, but your vids and strategies have been very helpful. Much appreciated, thanks for your efforts :)
omg that is SO me!..In December, I moved from 1400square feet house to 250sq feet efficiency in my son's house. I had packed the car to the brim and a small cube thing. I anguished over WHAT to take and what to leave behind. My cat and I drove 3 days across country. 5 months later, I still haven't completed sorting the paperwork.. Things are not the same here. I'm not sure of expectations..I need it all "spelled out" for me. I feel awkward. It was very expensive, and emotionally hurtful..I discover, still, things that I SHOULD have brought..I like to cook and went from stove/oven..to a counter top burner and microwave. no table, very few clothes(but that's ok) . Finding health care here was also difficult. I guess that I'll have to try to find support group or something. If anything is on the calendar..I seem frozen with daily life until that day passes, and that appointment over
I love that you mentioned your engineering side. I agree it takes a lot more effort and energy but can be worth the exhaustion in the long run, if the new set-up is more efficient.
Damn. I've been living in an RV traveling across the country living a nomadic life. It's pure chaos. Having the same meal, clothes, and simplicity makes it doable. Adapting to new locations requires so much executive functioning of the mind. All the endless choices and complexity is overwhelming. Can barely decide on a meal to eat. Rather eat the same thing everyday to deal with chaos. Recently worked at a hostel. I noticed the learning curve & I'm the same way. Living on the road is a mental and emotional juggle...
I have frequent 'check-ins' during the day, week and year. Because things aren't always good and it's better to see where change is needed in advance. I sit (with my partner) and we go through all major parts of live, family, jobs, living situation and talk about issues or things we would like to change, so i can prepare and get used to the idea, that something is going to change. So I could see my job-loss coming and it was indeed way easier to handle and I prevented us moving houses by adjusting the furniture according yo our needs and renting a garage. Works for me.
How do I cope with change? I believe it's a mix of different approaches for the various aspects. When facing anxiety ahead of change: 1) Try to focus on the advantage or goal that goes along with change; 2) try to think of similar changes I had experienced and managed before; 3) divide up the steps into smaller items. When managing the change: 1) Try to keep as much of the old aspects as possible; 2) don't try to manage too many aspects at the same time - focus on a few and leave the rest to later; 3) reserve time for breaks.
I’m on a quest for understanding of what the dsm5 criteria means to asd adults and seeing what makes change difficult was eye opening! There is so much nuance. Starting with - how do I deal with daily life, to creating structure, to living with that structure and then the upset in routines to having to start all over. I picture it as - you build a house to keep out of the elements, but it gets knocked down by a hurricane. Having to do all that work again, all the while being exposed to the elements is understandably very draining. Especially if there are other areas of life that are challenging on top of that. Love your work, thank you for your insight, and being open and vulnerable!
This couldn't have come at a better time. I just moved and had to downsize at the same time. The owner of the place we were renting decided to sell and we can't afford to buy in this city. I showed it to my husband and it helped him understand why I was struggling.
Well done... A massive effort and you have done it. Thanks for sharing, it's been helpful. I have lived by myself for year's and accumulated a lot of things, now I need to move so I have been putting off starting as I keep getting overwhelmed by the number of tasks that needed doing.
Congrats on new place. You are totally right, I just had this same conversation and said auto pilot kicks in to help keep me active through stress/confusion. What seems small to someone could be a mental place holder for me to get back on track.
i just moved in with my partner and he built me a new computer. the whole move has been really hard mentally cause of the change and my minecraft world is my special interest… i had at least 100 to 200 hundred hours on it. the new computer that he transferred everything over on, didn’t carry over my world. so it’s gone. forever. it was the only thing that wasn’t supposed to change and it’s sparked a melt down tonight. this video has been helpful for navigating these emotions on the move and new computer being a “net positive” but feeling so negative since my routine is reset, everything’s different, my partner is here (i love him very much), and now my computer that was my only “safe” space is no longer the same. thanks for helping me process this tonight :)
For me, too much change in one go can be very disorientating and, in the case of changing things at home, losing the familiar can actually make me depressed and I usually end up putting it all back to how it was. So, doing any decorating a bit at a time works much better for me. My home is a constant 'work in progress' for that reason, lol.
This helps me understand maybe another reason why I stayed in an emotionally abusive marriage (turns out he's got Narc. Pers. Disorder) for over a dozen years! Thank you for another great, insightful video, Paul!
When I was told I have trouble processing transitions I used to have no idea what the person telling me that was talking about, until I eventually realized they weren’t referring to simply understanding that there is a transition.
Eventually, I will need to learn to move out of my parents house. I do get anxious thinking about how much my routine is going to change, so this video may help. I've optimized my current routine to the point where I can simply rotate my laundry hamper by a small amount, as a reminder to do my laundry. I can also move the body wash in the shower to a specific location as a reminder that it's almost empty.
Thanks a ton for explaining your learning curve. I had never thought of my initial challenge with keeping up with people as adjusting to a new change--and then I couldn't explain why I was suddenly bored and everyone couldn't keep up with me.
Yes this relates to me, I cope by taking lots of rests and recharge my batteries. I have moved a lot in my life, probably about 10 times! It has been very stressful but I am still here. 🙏🙂
I sought this video out again, as it's a helpful reminder to try to focus on changing one thing at a time, and getting a good foundation system in place. I moved house just over a year ago, and I'm still trying to get those new routines and systems established. I will get them eventually, as I always do, but I guess looking back I realise I didn't just move house; there were many other changes in my life happening at the same time, and very little to hold onto that didn't require changing also. But sometimes things need a refresh and it is a good opportunity to do this. I am definitely the same in that it takes me a long time to process and grasp things initially, but once I'm there, it gets a lot easier. Sometimes I feel the loss of my previous routines, but I needed some motivation to continue moving forwards, so thankyou 💛 .
This is what wrecked me last year. So many change happened at the same time, I'm moving dorm, my usual coworking space suddenly closed, and my usual restaurant suddenly don't keep their quality of food anymore. All at once, suddenly I don't know where my belonging is, the laundry place and communal kitchen and communal bathroom is in a very very different setup than my previous dorm, therefore suddenly I can't cook nor do my laundry anymore, I also can't find food by eating out, I can't do my work properly and all my planning ability's suddenly gone. I'm confused and exhausted. I'm underfed and can't keep up with college. Everybody ask what happened yet noone believe me when i tell the actual reason. So i lied. And fall apart alone. Losing all my relationship, my positions in a few organizations, and almost my future degree. The problem and solution is so simple yet can bring such a big effect for my life because everybody don't even take it into consideration that it could be a problem to us. As simple as take me to a few restaurant nearby so that I can choose is actually helping a lot, yet noone did because noone knows the urgency, don't blame me, I've been asking quite a lot of time.
You explained so well about what I struggle with. And taking small steps is more challenging when you have anxiety. But now it's more clear what I have to do 🙏
Dude thanks for this. Idk anything about autism but i sure as hell can relate to what you say. I just moved and really needed this right now. Thanks brother 🙏
As a Leo I appreciate your Lion pic 🦁 . I’m in the same boat! Moved the other week and took a week off work so I had enough mental reserves. I just find I’m constantly writing lists, there’s so much to sort out that I’m just trying to work through the bits that I need first and leave the rest.
Thank you Paul for another splendid video including some behind the scenes info. Personal anecdote alert: I like using a 'man bag' for carting all my necessities around with me. The original bag I had I really liked but when it wore out, I had to get the next closest thing (which turned out to be better anyway). So much better in fact that I went back to the store a week later and bought all of their stock of that bag so that when my new bag wears out in the future, I won't have to go through the ordeal of finding something entirely different.
Thank you for making these videos Paul! Not only are your videos helpful but you make me feel so seen. Thank you for creating a space where I don't feel weird or crazy.
In the last 12 months, I have moved 600kms away for a new job and to start living with my partner. Then Covid hit, and I needed a new job again which didn't work out, so I'vejust started yet another job. My partner and I also bought a house 5 month's ago, so I moved yet again. 3 houses and 4 jobs in 14 months, along with a new phase of my relationship. This video explained why I feel so fragile and fatigued. Thank you for articulating what was going on. My brain is utterly exhausted to the point my special interests are failing to revive me like the usually do. Over time I should recover if I just avoid changes for quite a while
What a timely topic. Our family is thinking about moving soon, and my temptation will be to reorganize EVERYTHING immediately for maximum efficiency. Maybe I should resist that a little at first.
And don't get me started on shoe shopping.... (Last time I had to get sneakers I dragged my husband to no less than seven stores before I was satisfied. The man is a saint.)
It's definitely better to break the event of the overall change into smaller pieces and space them out as much as I feel I can or need. Trying to jump one tall hurdle is tough, trying to jump a few all at once is almost impossible. It also seems especially helpful when learning to adapt to a given change can build on a related past adaptation that I can use as a touchstone.
Paul, so good looking! Ok, so I'm a neurotypical, BUT, according to Myers-Briggs I'm an INFJ-T, and routine is EVERYTHING. I identify with what you're explaining and agree, it also really helped me to initially start with "things that were the same" in my having to move around. Minimalism really helps me to be less stressed about my "stuff". For me, too much external and personal change is just so stressful. Thanks for the video!😁🍦
I've moved over 30 times in my life. It's never easy. It does feel good when you finally get settled, though. And I totally relate with it taking more time to get a full understanding before I can move forward. That's definitely something I struggle with at work, but once I get it everyone is impressed at what I can do with that knowledge! Great video!
Feelings of autism with mental exhaustion not from spiraling but from toxic family and "friend makes life that much difficult having to move about three times in little over three years I'm also physically warped. I get this overwhelming feeling and been trying to stay humble but get triggered constantly makes me exhausted as well all around just a down feeling. It's hard to shake it off and I believe my personal solution will be to leave my current situation and never look back my current environment and all is not the worst I just believe it can be better and with change and consistently improving myself will go a long way and help live with autism and development of a good routine again and healthier, till that I'm still looking for stability in my life and my best is when my routine is back to normal.
Great topic I never finished my last and one too many house move (forced) ... fell in depression and the mess has become my new order ... which is depressing. It fell on me , so it was not something one could learn to mitigate , but the topic can help observers to understand what happened to me
Gosh this explains why we had such a hard time moving house. It's overwhelming and stressful for everyone, but now I realise it's 100x worse for someone with ASD. It's so great you have this insight and you can share it with us 🙏
Thank you. I’m going to use this advice to help me make a long-awaited change to my routine that always gets the best of me. I have already thought of ways to apply this advice 😊
Can you do a video on dealing with change and how it relates to building social relationships for someone with Aspergers syndrome? Perhaps you can draw on some of your own experiences. Thank you!
Thank so much for this video, Paul. This is funny because I moved one month ago and I had the same struggles and thoughts. By the way, the setup is awesome ! Always a huge pleasure to start my Friday morning with you. Have a great day !
I remember the last time I moved, I sat with boxes all around me, completely overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. Putting all the boxes containing stuff in the room it was destined for all at once was not a good idea!
One day my tea mug that I use for breakfast broke, i was using it for many years because it's practical for me on autopilot : it's transparent so I can see the black tea's concentration (how strong I want it ), from its size I know exactly how much boiled water & cool water I have to pour in order to get the perfect temperature to drink immediately, the volume it can take is proportional to the buiscuit packet I eat with it ( a packet of 5). It's just all have been previously calculated so when something changes I have to switch on manual first thing in the morning which is HARD
I love the idea to watch your plant growing!!! (plants are one of my special interests). I have to move AND to change my job, actually it's totally overwhelming and causes my burnout. I anticipated it would not be easy and prepared mentally for over a year, even with help of my therapist. But I can't cope 😭.
Hope your adjustments come easily and you realize a comfort level soon that affirms this move. Judging by this video, you are back on track and still convey items of knowledge for we who are at varying places on the path ... various locations on the spectrum ... Your humble sharing of daily life, including the not so pretty situations, helps me immensely in my own navigation. The level of comfort instilled in me by your honest, well-stated descriptives is imeasurable.
Decluttering is also a challenge with making choices and dealing with changes 😩
Moving 2 years ago sparked the breakdown that lead me to a diagnosis.
This is spot on. I only learned how much change/new situations drained me of energy after I found this channel! Since this discovery I've made sure I have ample time surrounding change so it doesn't knock me out of action. It has made a huge difference. Previously I was so stupid (not self-aware) that I would thrust changes upon myself constantly without realizing why I was tired and burnt out all the time.
Hey thanks for sharing this. I've pushed myself through tons of changes and I don't think I comprehended why I would also get burned out (but try to hide that part). The upside is I'm much more used to change and I do handle it better than when I was younger. Now I plan to tackle change a bit differently.
This is absolutely true for me. . . A lot of people will judge me to be a slow learner at first. . . Cos my brain is still looking for that pattern to set in. . . For that sweet spot. . And once I'm there. . . Best believe I will be better than the best 🙂👍🏻✨✨✨
Man, I can relate to that!
I kind of interanlized coping with change in an emotionally unhealthy way thoughout my life: it's basically the same as masking, were I mimic emotional responses, without really experiencing them. For decades I didn't acknowledge (or even fully notice) the emotional effects, change has on me. In the last years I realized, that change has a big impact on my emotions though, even changes like nature transitioning from winter to summer will raise my stress level in a significant way.
My recent strategy is to try to acknowledge changes more actively. It's a new thing I do, but how it works for know, is that I compare the mental image of the thing/situation before the change with the experience of the thing/situation I have now after the change. I compare, what aspects have changed, how that changes the situation and especially how I feel about those things.
One small example is the two trees in front of my flat. In winter, when they're bare, I can see the whole street from my balcony (which is cool if I want to know what's going on), but also I'm visually and acoustically unprotected. I summer, when they have leaves, it really feels different on the balcony, more proctected but less connected. Actively and visually acknowledging why that is (instead of just getting stressed because something feels different), helps me dealing with my emotions. It's just a small example, I just started doing this :)
When I moved house after 12 years, my husband thought I was weird for nonstop unpacking until everything had a place! We moved again recently and I had learned my lesson. Instead, I set myself small tasks each day to achieve the goal of unpacking. It’s so important to plan out meals and exercise - and not to strain ourselves mentally or physically. 😁💙
This is helpful. I feel the urge a lot to “fix” everything in the house at once. I tend to collect things, all around and it gets a mess. And overwhelming and too much. I’m going to try that, just taking it in small tasks maybe each week or couple of days. I also tend to get absorbed in making lists. So, if I was packing to move for example or unpacking I would feel the compulsion to list out box categories or room categories or item categories. Do you do that? It’s often a struggle when I’m packing for trips away (or even just an afternoon), it bothers me so much if categories “mix”.
@@lauras6300 I definitely get caught up with lists! I even tried to make lists of which items would go in each of the new cupboards and cabinets after we moved. However, the lists were impractical. Really, the best way to go about unpacking is to start with the items you need right away, and find a practical, intuitive place to put them! I satisfied my need to feel organized by choosing a particular area and finishing that task first. I chose my bookshelf! If I felt overwhelmed by the tasks left undone, I just focused on the one task that I had completed. 💙😁
Wow I am super struck by that learning curve concept. I have always felt like a “slow learner” despite being very successful academically. It takes me much longer than others to move beyond feeling lost and confused in a new job etc. but then there comes a point where I take off and exceed in terms of performance. Thank you for putting into words something that has bothered me my whole life. Your channel has been life changing for me!
I do this too! I'll struggle with a certain thing for a while, like I'll really struggle and then one day it clicks and I excel 😂
There's also a big difference between the change you choose and the change that is forced upon you. The change you choose is hard enough to implement as a new part of your life. But when it's forced upon you and it just doesn't make sense why it had to change or when it's making life harder somehow, that's ...... oooh, I'd wanna scream and cry and..... (meltdown).
During my last treatment for depression (still ongoing) I made a list of personal history and it dawned on me that my cycles of depression happened with big changes in my life: moving country, moving to university, new job, change in environment/people etc. It was really interesting and helped me understand a lot!
I got around this problem by living in a van 😂 no need to move house when your house moves!
How is it with the changes? Do you need to constant change places or you have a parking?
I was considering van life, but if felt like too much stress for me if I need to keep finding a place. I don't mind change places every 2/3 months, but I saw most people changing places every couple of days.
I have wanted this for SO long. Everything is nice and routine inside the van and all of the change occurs outside of the van.
Supreme Autistic mentality
I just wanna say every video you put out fills me with immense joy, sending love from the US!
I have 5 young grandkids in my care
All with autism
These videos are helpful to address major problems
God bless and
Thank you from Australia
Congratulations on your move and very nice plant!
This is a boat I find us in since the pandemic started. Our lives turned upside down and I still haven't been able to stabilise anything. Nothing is on autopilot anymore and the mental energy needed is undoing me. My son is 28yr partially verbal and i am a long term "spectrum mum" probably on it myself. It's exhausting
I really hope things turn around for you soon. I can imagine as a mother myself how burnt out you must feel right now and desperate for some relief.
@@autumn.redhawke thank you xx
_I moved house this week_
Condolences😭
I feel you. Moving is exhausting and discombobulating on so many levels.
Congratulations on the move, the new space looks nice. Love that you reproduced your spider plant to allow it to grow with your new location. I definitely rely heavily on autopilot and change is a slow and difficult process for me.
My routine doesn't make sense to other people, but it is SO draining when it gets turned over.
This is one of my biggest struggle ! Thank you very much for that video. Can't wait to see it ! Big support from Canada☺👍
Hey Paul. My fiance found your Channel about 8 months ago. We were having a very difficult time in our relationship, and your videos really helped explain myself to her. Thank you very very much. We are currently in the process of moving, we found a place 300 miles away, she's been up there for the last couple of months. I'm trying to shut down my business and get myself up there, and what you were saying is right. Learning new routines is not easy but it is necessary and sometimes it makes your life better. Btw my name is also Paul. I have found that taking the process of moving slowly is helping me to acclimate to a new situation. But there has been many times in my life were moving was very rapid and very difficult. Keep making your great content, if it wasn't for you and a few others like Mark Hutten I don't think my relationship would have survived. Also thank you for the book referrals they have been really helping
I have been renovating my house over the past three years, getting ready to sell it and leave the US. Part of what makes it a nightmare is shifting things around as I work. Moving furniture, books, clothes, tools, etc.... What was in one place last week is no longer there, so I'll have to learn a new place, but, by time I learn it, I have to move the goods again... 🙄 At the same time, I'm selling stuff on eBay, learning Spanish, it was Thai, but Thailand is closed, so now it's Mexico. At least I have a drawer full of black t-shirts, and jeans that all look the same..... 👍 You should be careful eating the same thing every day, I was eating the same high sodium frozen foods and my blood pressure suffered because of it. I was literally poisoning myself for the sake of convenience and sameness.
I think it's awesome that you did a video even while going thru a stressful change. Thank you!
For me, if something is a planned change, it helps to know way ahead of time so I can process it. I still panic at first, but over the course of days or weeks, I slowly get used to the idea and go thru all the details of what's going to happen in my head. Unplanned changes are really hard for me. If my schedule and routine changes just a little and I can't go swimming or have to reschedule an appointment, I get anxious, depressed, and even angry. I still struggle with change a lot. I also have PTSD so that makes change scary too.
OMG! I never realised I wasn't the only one that had 'a limited amount of decisions' I can make per day! This is exactly the reason I need routines and habits. I moved recently too, and since this is the first big change since finding out I have adhd & autism it means I am more mild, more accepting towards myself then ever before. But damn does this cost me greatly. And I too minimise my changes. I've lived here 2 months and only recently went to a different pharmacy closer to my new place. And I specifically choose this place because it's not far from the previous so I can still go to the same GP, same supermarket, same... :p I sometimes feel a bit silly for it, but it helps and the right people will understand anyway.
Thank you again for this!! This video will help me explain my challenges to certain authorities and 'care takers'. Now I don't need to look for words, but can simple give them yours. Thanks!!
When I last moved home I drove 5 miles back to my old area virtually every day for about 2 years -- it was like gradually weaning myself off my old area while I got used to the new one!
Thank you. You're a life saver. I moved in with my boyfriend about a year ago and he said I suddenly turned crazy. Turns out I was just having a yearlong meltdown. Because of your videos, I finally went to a doctor yesterday and she was probably the first person in my life to believe me and validate me. You have no idea how important the work you are doing is! Thank you❤
Nice timing, as I'm currently de-cluttering and packing to move (I don't have a new place yet). I've been in this two-bedroom flat for over 15 years now (on my own). The sheer volume of clutter is appalling, and for a long time I resisted dealing with it, because it seemed like a huge task. In the end I learned to make lists all the time so I could get the easy wins by ticking off the tasks as I found the energy to do them. The positive feedback of that seems to have helped me continue and now I'm well over half done, and it feels great.
That said, I can certainly relate to that feeling of reliance of routines! I think that for me, the scariest thing of all about moving is not being able to do things exactly as I have done for years. Having the same environment for 15 years makes that especially intense.
Great video!!! Thank you ! The new set is fantastic.
I will start to ramble and go off topic but I'm going to be homeless and I suffer from ptsd and Aspergers. I got hurt at work almost two years ago and have no friends or family to lean on. Which is OK because as u have stated 8n other videos it is our way.
But I'm terrified. I do jot go out now and all I do is eat candy and panic.
I'm trying to use your videos as a teaching device to help me through and they definitely hit on point.
Please keep going for me. Thank you for figuring out how to use your talent and sharing it with us.
I've been homeless a couple times and creating rituals, keeping what I could predictable, and making the effort to make connections with others (information is currency) got me through it. Being friendly, but not trusting anyone, is a learned skill that I got a little better at during my last experience. I hope you find people that will help you adapt and that there are non-profits in your area that can help (just don't tell them more than you absolutely have to, and stay on-guard with them too). If you don't have experience, research can really help. There are blogs and CZcams channels that have great information.
@@sarahjensen2473 thank you . I'm crying because ... you are the first person to talk about trust. I trust no one at all but what is so weird is I love helping people as long as I can "run away " afterwards. Thank you for your kindness.
@@puggsandgunsandthings It's ok to reach out for help or at least attempt to. This pandemic is hard. It's lonely and devastating. We don't have to be. Make a list. Take it one thing at a time, one day at a time...😊👍
I've been there too, facing my first real move after ending 4 years of couch surfing and crap trailers with no plumbing with my current place. I finally have a stable job (in a FedEx warehouse you don't have to mask as much) and I just barely make enough that hopefully my next place will have working plumbing and no mold. It's really hard some days, but you can survive it, so many of us have. Get a gym membership for showers, invest in a frame backpack and small tent if you can. If you're in the US they give you the full amount of food stamps (SNAP) if you're homeless, about $300, so you won't starve. Get a good first aid kit, and good shoes that don't leak, and a pack of thick tube socks and baby wipes. If I knew I was going to lose a place I wouldn't pay the last months utilities so I could use that cash elsewhere, and use a different company at the next place. Not great on your credit but you can pay back when you're stable again. And get a waterproof bag or box for your important documents, and be very careful not to lose them, because that's one of the things that traps people in homelessness, they can't prove that they have the right to work or where they lived last or who they are and they don't have the documents to get those documents again. If you can also get a post office box, but not at the post office at some place like a pack n mail, they'll take your mail and small packages and you'll be able to use them as a physical address if you desperately need one that's not a homeless shelter so you don't get stricken from resume piles. Google homeless survival techniques, there's a bunch of good stuff out there. Best of luck brother.
@@goldentreefrog18 thank you for your advice. I am on Google now! The less I have to interact with people that I am trusting with the core reasons for the ptsd which was only compounded by the Aspergers. My biggest problem is I get all motivated and as was stated in an earlier video I have a shutdown and go into lockdonwn mode
I’ve been married for 28 years. My wife and I have moved three times together since we met. I would say out of the 28 years, probably 21 of that, she’s been unhappy with the apartment/house were in. Well, after three years of being where we are, she’s starting up again!
AAAAAHHHHH!!!!
If only I could get my nt family to put things in the same place ALL the time.
The sound worked fine. Change for me is tough as well. I have my routine to get up and go to work in the mornings. I absolutely hate the days when I can't do that routine because I have doctor visits or blood draws that require me to not be at work at 7:30 in the morning. On those days, once the routine is thrown out, I'm really irritable and tripping over myself to get the day over with. I'm not happy until the next day when I can reset and be back in my routine.
I moved almost 6 months ago. Still not settled into a new routine and not sleeping well because of it. Thanks for your videos.
Brilliantly explained. I wish every person with autism who doubts their own validity could hear your open, honest, insightful videos. Thank you, Paul.
I am autistic and I can totally relate to the difficulties in change of routine. It is something I have to work really hard at. Even the everyday smaller changes can be stressful enough, not to mention the really major things like moving house. I try to keep a routine as much as I can, but it does not always work like that. However, I find that if I ask myself the reason why the change is happening then it is sometimes easier to accept it. For example, if I am changing my routine for my wife or a boss at work then it is often easier for me to keep it in perspective and get through it. I'm not saying it is easy and anxiety with the situation still exists, but due to the nature of life, we have a responsibility to do our best to accommodate other people's needs who we care about or have a responsibility towards. Regular practice with changing routine has helped me getter better at it than I used to be. Thanks for the upload. These weekly videos help a lot!
You explain the virtues of routine for your mental wellbeing so well.
'The old systems were tailored a nd optimised'
Me and the missus moved recently and it was a surprisingly easy process. I had more than a month to prepare so I broke down all our possessions into levels of importance.
Do we need to have our books and trinkets on display? No, so let’s pack them now.
Do we need all our winter clothes and spare bedding? No, so they were packed.
And so on.
Eventually we were living Spartanly but efficiently. I packed everything by myself being sure that all interconnected stuff (TVs, computers etc) could be accessed immediately and essentials like kitchen utensils were easily available.
We stayed at a transit property for a few weeks which, with my fanatical need for perfect tactile cutlery and cooking equipment, would normally be extremely unpleasant was covered by this forward planning. We’re now in the new house in Tom Price (a very remote mining town in Western Australia) and although I’m not completely adjusted, thanks to this planning life is going well!
Love the videos!
Thanks!
... now to go back and watch it again to catch everything I missed while focusing on the chat! 😂
This video came at exactly the right timing. Right now everything in my life is hectic, and it's just so so difficult. All my routines are gone, and I can't seem to find new ones yet that feel good. Every day feels different which is crap when you rely on routines to get you by.
Literally just went through this a couple of months ago. Went from renting a 3 bedroom house to a 1 bedroom apartment that I own. It was a nightmare organsing everything and getting it all prepped. There was a lot of overly complicated paperwork and other stuff I had to fix every day and then deal with people screwing up the plans. Right now I'm still in the middle of sorting out storage and I agree completely a lot of it is about finding new ways of storing things that are less stimulating and easier especially since my partner is also on the spectrum and can be impacted by the interior design. Lots of the new systems are already starting to work but there are also other issues like sound bleeding through from my neighbours but hopefully the benefits will outweigh the negatives once everything falls more into place.
In the diagnosis process (on a long wait list), but I suspect I may be on the spectrum.
This describes me pretty well too. I just moved my home office AND had to make a bunch of phone calls for different things AND had to unpack other rooms, and it was so draining. I think every call I had to make I was stimming like crazy and felt completely on edge. It's been a few weeks and I'm just now getting settled into my new office, so I can "automate" that part of my day and not have to worry about it. It feels comfortable and everything is adjusted, so now it's much easier to get through my other duties. I was able to knock off a few things from my checklist yesterday actually, and it feels so good to have the energy to do that(and have that sense of completion!)
As far as learning goes, I'm similar also. If it's learning something through auditory instructions, I really struggle as I have to repeat in my head what was said before I can process it. If words are going too quickly, I tend to tune it out and focus on something else so I don't get frustrated. Once I can get past those struggles, it's typically pretty easy to keep learning or roll with whatever I'm doing. There are times at work (or when I was at school) where I'd digest part of the info (after 10 minutes or so), then I'll switch to looking at a special interest for a few minutes, then back to work/school. This bouncing back and forth allows me not to get frustrated and continue learning or completing a task. I can often do whatever it is quickly, so no one really knows I'm doing this unless they're hovering over me.
That's all very relatable!
Thank you for your generosity even in the middle of your challenges. The information you share has been life-changing for me in knowing how to be a friend to someone I care deeply about. I appreciate you!
Fantastic video as always Paul, appreciate you checking in! Good luck with the transition :)
I just moved houses & needed to hear this… thank you 🙏
I’ve been busy working a 9-5 job I started 2 months ago, DJing & trying to run my online Neurodivergent Educator business all at once 🥵
No wonder why I’m feeling overwhelmed by everything. So many changes happening.
This is a very helpful video. Thank you. I have A.S. and I move home very badly. After I have moved home I tend to put my PC desk in a corner in the smallest room and retreat there a lot. I have a thing going on with my home where I can disconnect entirely with a road or street, so that it's just me and the house and the cosmos. If I move again there is a good chance it will be to a coast, which is better. I lived beside the sea when I was young. The sea has always been very good for me.
Thank you so much for this video, Paul. Today I had a big shutdown/meltdown and it felt so stupid. I don't know why I'm STILL in burnout; it seems like I'll never get out of it. But I realized today it was just all of the changes. This morning I lost it when I updated my phone's operating system and it looked different. I broke the doorstop that I use to prop open my bedroom door. There were little things like that, but under the surface things have been changing for a long time: I had a big group of friends at church (our singles group), but everyone has been getting married and getting in relationships. Then the church merged the Young Adults (18-25) and the Young Professionals (25-40) into one group. And our church started a build-out and there's been a bunch of changes in leadership. I usually serve by cleaning, but every time I serve now everything's changed because of the new construction and I just show up and either get paralyzed or have a meltdown. And today when I found out that the senior pastor who usually preaches wasn't preaching today it was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I had to leave church and I lost it in the parking lot and I felt so petty and stupid. After that I just sat in my car for the longest time, like I was glitching out or something. And then all I wanted to do was go home and clean my house.
People are quick to say "that's life" and defend the changes that are happening. I *understand* that the changes are *good.* The changes being good and positive changes don't make them any easier for me to deal with. I'm not at all suggesting that they shouldn't be happening, and I don't expect anything from anyone about it. I just don't know what to do with it other than take myself out of the environment.
Thanks for letting me vent here. I am having a really horrible day and I don't know who I could explain it to who wouldn't brush it off as me just being a controlling, entitled brat who's overreacting. Days like today feel chaotic, overwhelming, unstable and downright terrifying. I've done this long enough to know that the feeling will pass eventually but in the interim I don't really know what to do. Cleaning my house is the only thing I know to do. I guess it makes things feel stable and it feels somewhat like making order out of chaos.
Oh gods, my partner and I moved suddenly last year (our rental fell through) and we were awful to each other for about 2 weeks once we moved until we got into a routine. We just were both stressed and anxious and unsure so we kept arguing about stupid things, and having meltdowns with each other.
Good video. I love your baby spider plant :) I have 2 - Peter and MJ.
Moving countries across the globe a few months prior to covid almost killed me. Still a struggle, but your vids and strategies have been very helpful. Much appreciated, thanks for your efforts :)
omg that is SO me!..In December, I moved from 1400square feet house to 250sq feet efficiency in my son's house. I had packed the car to the brim and a small cube thing. I anguished over WHAT to take and what to leave behind. My cat and I drove 3 days across country. 5 months later, I still haven't completed sorting the paperwork.. Things are not the same here. I'm not sure of expectations..I need it all "spelled out" for me. I feel awkward. It was very expensive, and emotionally hurtful..I discover, still, things that I SHOULD have brought..I like to cook and went from stove/oven..to a counter top burner and microwave. no table, very few clothes(but that's ok) . Finding health care here was also difficult. I guess that I'll have to try to find support group or something. If anything is on the calendar..I seem frozen with daily life until that day passes, and that appointment over
I love that you mentioned your engineering side. I agree it takes a lot more effort and energy but can be worth the exhaustion in the long run, if the new set-up is more efficient.
Damn. I've been living in an RV traveling across the country living a nomadic life. It's pure chaos. Having the same meal, clothes, and simplicity makes it doable. Adapting to new locations requires so much executive functioning of the mind. All the endless choices and complexity is overwhelming. Can barely decide on a meal to eat. Rather eat the same thing everyday to deal with chaos.
Recently worked at a hostel. I noticed the learning curve & I'm the same way.
Living on the road is a mental and emotional juggle...
I have frequent 'check-ins' during the day, week and year. Because things aren't always good and it's better to see where change is needed in advance. I sit (with my partner) and we go through all major parts of live, family, jobs, living situation and talk about issues or things we would like to change, so i can prepare and get used to the idea, that something is going to change.
So I could see my job-loss coming and it was indeed way easier to handle and I prevented us moving houses by adjusting the furniture according yo our needs and renting a garage.
Works for me.
How do I cope with change? I believe it's a mix of different approaches for the various aspects. When facing anxiety ahead of change: 1) Try to focus on the advantage or goal that goes along with change; 2) try to think of similar changes I had experienced and managed before; 3) divide up the steps into smaller items.
When managing the change: 1) Try to keep as much of the old aspects as possible; 2) don't try to manage too many aspects at the same time - focus on a few and leave the rest to later; 3) reserve time for breaks.
I’m on a quest for understanding of what the dsm5 criteria means to asd adults and seeing what makes change difficult was eye opening! There is so much nuance. Starting with - how do I deal with daily life, to creating structure, to living with that structure and then the upset in routines to having to start all over. I picture it as - you build a house to keep out of the elements, but it gets knocked down by a hurricane. Having to do all that work again, all the while being exposed to the elements is understandably very draining. Especially if there are other areas of life that are challenging on top of that. Love your work, thank you for your insight, and being open and vulnerable!
This couldn't have come at a better time. I just moved and had to downsize at the same time. The owner of the place we were renting decided to sell and we can't afford to buy in this city. I showed it to my husband and it helped him understand why I was struggling.
Well done... A massive effort and you have done it. Thanks for sharing, it's been helpful.
I have lived by myself for year's and accumulated a lot of things, now I need to move so I have been putting off starting as I keep getting overwhelmed by the number of tasks that needed doing.
I have to move by November crippled by it
Congrats on new place. You are totally right, I just had this same conversation and said auto pilot kicks in to help keep me active through stress/confusion. What seems small to someone could be a mental place holder for me to get back on track.
i just moved in with my partner and he built me a new computer.
the whole move has been really hard mentally cause of
the change and
my minecraft world is my special interest… i had at least 100 to 200 hundred hours on it.
the new computer that he transferred everything over on, didn’t carry over my world. so it’s
gone. forever.
it was the only thing
that wasn’t supposed
to change and it’s sparked a
melt down tonight.
this video has been helpful for
navigating these emotions on the move and new computer being a “net positive” but feeling so negative since my routine is reset, everything’s different, my partner is here (i love him very much), and now my computer that was my only “safe” space is no longer the same.
thanks for helping me process this tonight :)
For me, too much change in one go can be very disorientating and, in the case of changing things at home, losing the familiar can actually make me depressed and I usually end up putting it all back to how it was. So, doing any decorating a bit at a time works much better for me. My home is a constant 'work in progress' for that reason, lol.
This helps me understand maybe another reason why I stayed in an emotionally abusive marriage (turns out he's got Narc. Pers. Disorder) for over a dozen years! Thank you for another great, insightful video, Paul!
When I was told I have trouble processing transitions I used to have no idea what the person telling me that was talking about, until I eventually realized they weren’t referring to simply understanding that there is a transition.
Eventually, I will need to learn to move out of my parents house. I do get anxious thinking about how much my routine is going to change, so this video may help.
I've optimized my current routine to the point where I can simply rotate my laundry hamper by a small amount, as a reminder to do my laundry. I can also move the body wash in the shower to a specific location as a reminder that it's almost empty.
The sound sounds sound. And good sounds abound.
Thanks a ton for explaining your learning curve. I had never thought of my initial challenge with keeping up with people as adjusting to a new change--and then I couldn't explain why I was suddenly bored and everyone couldn't keep up with me.
Yes this relates to me, I cope by taking lots of rests and recharge my batteries. I have moved a lot in my life, probably about 10 times! It has been very stressful but I am still here. 🙏🙂
I sought this video out again, as it's a helpful reminder to try to focus on changing one thing at a time, and getting a good foundation system in place.
I moved house just over a year ago, and I'm still trying to get those new routines and systems established. I will get them eventually, as I always do, but I guess looking back I realise I didn't just move house; there were many other changes in my life happening at the same time, and very little to hold onto that didn't require changing also. But sometimes things need a refresh and it is a good opportunity to do this. I am definitely the same in that it takes me a long time to process and grasp things initially, but once I'm there, it gets a lot easier. Sometimes I feel the loss of my previous routines, but I needed some motivation to continue moving forwards, so thankyou 💛 .
This is what wrecked me last year. So many change happened at the same time, I'm moving dorm, my usual coworking space suddenly closed, and my usual restaurant suddenly don't keep their quality of food anymore. All at once, suddenly I don't know where my belonging is, the laundry place and communal kitchen and communal bathroom is in a very very different setup than my previous dorm, therefore suddenly I can't cook nor do my laundry anymore, I also can't find food by eating out, I can't do my work properly and all my planning ability's suddenly gone. I'm confused and exhausted. I'm underfed and can't keep up with college. Everybody ask what happened yet noone believe me when i tell the actual reason.
So i lied. And fall apart alone. Losing all my relationship, my positions in a few organizations, and almost my future degree.
The problem and solution is so simple yet can bring such a big effect for my life because everybody don't even take it into consideration that it could be a problem to us. As simple as take me to a few restaurant nearby so that I can choose is actually helping a lot, yet noone did because noone knows the urgency, don't blame me, I've been asking quite a lot of time.
You explained so well about what I struggle with. And taking small steps is more challenging when you have anxiety. But now it's more clear what I have to do 🙏
You are able to articulate well -Your words summarise many people's thoughts and actions.
Your timing is perfect! I'm so feeling this, just moved 2 weeks ago.
Love the lion picture
Thank you so much for this
Dude thanks for this. Idk anything about autism but i sure as hell can relate to what you say. I just moved and really needed this right now. Thanks brother 🙏
As a Leo I appreciate your Lion pic 🦁 . I’m in the same boat! Moved the other week and took a week off work so I had enough mental reserves. I just find I’m constantly writing lists, there’s so much to sort out that I’m just trying to work through the bits that I need first and leave the rest.
You are great to watch. I enjoy listening to you.All the best in your new digs.
Thank you for covering this! Great video!
Thank you Paul for another splendid video including some behind the scenes info. Personal anecdote alert: I like using a 'man bag' for carting all my necessities around with me. The original bag I had I really liked but when it wore out, I had to get the next closest thing (which turned out to be better anyway). So much better in fact that I went back to the store a week later and bought all of their stock of that bag so that when my new bag wears out in the future, I won't have to go through the ordeal of finding something entirely different.
Thank you for making these videos Paul! Not only are your videos helpful but you make me feel so seen. Thank you for creating a space where I don't feel weird or crazy.
In the last 12 months, I have moved 600kms away for a new job and to start living with my partner. Then Covid hit, and I needed a new job again which didn't work out, so I'vejust started yet another job. My partner and I also bought a house 5 month's ago, so I moved yet again. 3 houses and 4 jobs in 14 months, along with a new phase of my relationship.
This video explained why I feel so fragile and fatigued. Thank you for articulating what was going on. My brain is utterly exhausted to the point my special interests are failing to revive me like the usually do.
Over time I should recover if I just avoid changes for quite a while
What a timely topic. Our family is thinking about moving soon, and my temptation will be to reorganize EVERYTHING immediately for maximum efficiency. Maybe I should resist that a little at first.
And don't get me started on shoe shopping.... (Last time I had to get sneakers I dragged my husband to no less than seven stores before I was satisfied. The man is a saint.)
It's definitely better to break the event of the overall change into smaller pieces and space them out as much as I feel I can or need. Trying to jump one tall hurdle is tough, trying to jump a few all at once is almost impossible. It also seems especially helpful when learning to adapt to a given change can build on a related past adaptation that I can use as a touchstone.
Anticipating that change might not go so well and that's ok.
Like the new place!
Thank you for uploading! I'm moving within the next few weeks and knowing the changes I will soon face is stressing me out!
I really needed this. Moving today and I'm freaking out.
Paul, so good looking!
Ok, so I'm a neurotypical, BUT, according to Myers-Briggs I'm an INFJ-T, and routine is EVERYTHING. I identify with what you're explaining and agree, it also really helped me to initially start with "things that were the same" in my having to move around. Minimalism really helps me to be less stressed about my "stuff". For me, too much external and personal change is just so stressful.
Thanks for the video!😁🍦
I've moved over 30 times in my life. It's never easy. It does feel good when you finally get settled, though. And I totally relate with it taking more time to get a full understanding before I can move forward. That's definitely something I struggle with at work, but once I get it everyone is impressed at what I can do with that knowledge! Great video!
Feelings of autism with mental exhaustion not from spiraling but from toxic family and "friend makes life that much difficult having to move about three times in little over three years I'm also physically warped. I get this overwhelming feeling and been trying to stay humble but get triggered constantly makes me exhausted as well all around just a down feeling.
It's hard to shake it off and I believe my personal solution will be to leave my current situation and never look back my current environment and all is not the worst I just believe it can be better and with change and consistently improving myself will go a long way and help live with autism and development of a good routine again and healthier, till that I'm still looking for stability in my life and my best is when my routine is back to normal.
Great topic
I never finished my last and one too many house move (forced)
... fell in depression and the mess has become my new order ... which is depressing.
It fell on me , so it was not something one could learn to mitigate , but the topic can help observers to understand what happened to me
Gosh this explains why we had such a hard time moving house. It's overwhelming and stressful for everyone, but now I realise it's 100x worse for someone with ASD. It's so great you have this insight and you can share it with us 🙏
Congratulations on the new house! I hope you will get comfortable in your new home and with building new routines :)
i’m just about to relocate from my childhood home and move out for the first time, to say i have no idea what i’m doing is a understatement
Time to get that poster framed
' If you're changing something, change one thing at a time... My analogy is adding one more juggling ball... It's really challenging'
Thank you. I’m going to use this advice to help me make a long-awaited change to my routine that always gets the best of me. I have already thought of ways to apply this advice 😊
Can you do a video on dealing with change and how it relates to building social relationships for someone with Aspergers syndrome? Perhaps you can draw on some of your own experiences. Thank you!
Thank so much for this video, Paul. This is funny because I moved one month ago and I had the same struggles and thoughts. By the way, the setup is awesome ! Always a huge pleasure to start my Friday morning with you. Have a great day !
I see Underdogs on your bookshelf!
I remember the last time I moved, I sat with boxes all around me, completely overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. Putting all the boxes containing stuff in the room it was destined for all at once was not a good idea!
One day my tea mug that I use for breakfast broke, i was using it for many years because it's practical for me on autopilot : it's transparent so I can see the black tea's concentration (how strong I want it ), from its size I know exactly how much boiled water & cool water I have to pour in order to get the perfect temperature to drink immediately, the volume it can take is proportional to the buiscuit packet I eat with it ( a packet of 5). It's just all have been previously calculated so when something changes I have to switch on manual first thing in the morning which is HARD
I love the idea to watch your plant growing!!! (plants are one of my special interests).
I have to move AND to change my job, actually it's totally overwhelming and causes my burnout. I anticipated it would not be easy and prepared mentally for over a year, even with help of my therapist. But I can't cope 😭.
Hope your adjustments come easily and you realize a comfort level soon that affirms this move. Judging by this video, you are back on track and still convey items of knowledge for we who are at varying places on the path ... various locations on the spectrum ...
Your humble sharing of daily life, including the not so pretty situations, helps me immensely in my own navigation. The level of comfort instilled in me by your honest, well-stated descriptives is imeasurable.