Does a narcissist know that they are the problem?
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- čas přidán 3. 08. 2024
- If you're a woman feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and looking for freedom, you've come to the right place. With over 3000+ clients, I've integrated everything I've learned into a comprehensive program designed to help you reclaim your freedom. My goal is to guide you to break free without confronting or trying to fix him. Together, let's rediscover YOU and cultivate your confidence and clarity. To take the next step in your healing journey with me, visit www.rawmotivations.com/breakt...
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If you're a man struggling with narcissistic traits and seeking the path, community, and transformation that I've experienced, I'm here to help - but only if you are serious about investing the time and energy. To begin this journey with me, schedule a session at www.rawmotivations.com/break-...
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Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
Platforms I am on:
TikTok - / raw_motivations
Instagram - / rawmotivations
Facebook - profile.php?...
Podcast - anchor.fm/rawmotivations
CZcams - / rawmotivations
#narcissism #narcissist #npd
He told me the other day, I’m a good person. I said, maybe you want to be, but you lying, manipulating, gaslighting and cheating on me told me a different story
Same here
Same here, too
Same
@Holly Brumbalow nice comeback! You nailed it!
Oh my goodness. I just wrote the same thing on another video. I'm a good person. They always say that CRAP!
Deep down they know they’re not a good person. That’s why they need to do all this toxic shit - to literally hide from themselves.
My narc ex gf literally told me the last time we spoke after I caught her cheating and broke up with her that “the bottom line is that you’re just so insecure that someone like me would choose someone like you, you’re all twisted up about it in your head, and I hope you realize what you lost and how badly you fuxked up.” I literally laughed out loud. That was the perfect example of her narcissistic projection.
Ya the projection is just too insane. When she started accusing me of the absolutely horrible stuff she did I was done. I know who I am even at my worst and I’m not taking on her bs. It was affirming though because it showed me she was beyond my help and more importantly I needed to not be a part of that delusion. It’s like pouring whiskey down an alcoholics throat. Co-signing that bs. No thanks. I have my own cross to bear. There was someone before me and after me though to take the job over. It’s a sickness I no longer want around me.
Yes same. My bf says without him I'd be no where in life.
So true
Hahay last one kept saying "you twist everything I say into something nasty"
Um ok cheating garbage dump. Lol. I called the other guy in front of her she said I betrayed her and she will never talk to me again. Now she's been sending me I'm sorry texts. Um ok
I've had so many similar text messages!! They are A JOKE!!
My goodness. I thought that the victims were mentally exhausted by dealing with Narcs. But the mental gymnastics they go through themselves are just insane.
It sounds exhausting to live in a brain like that 24/7 😬
It's not if they know if they are the problem. The real question is do they believe they are the problem
Most of them with the exception of the ones seriously delusional that are treatment resistant absolutely know there is something very wrong with them and they absolutely are aware of how Terrible they treat you .
If anyone is abusive leave it doesn’t matter if they have NPD or not leave !
At the end if the day a Narcissist has a choice to be kind or cruel. Even if they are self-aware. Actions speak louder than words. My Ex would promise me this or that, and when I asked him for something he'd be hypocritical and backtrack his promise. He knew very well what he was doing, but wouldn't care if WE thought he was the problem. In his eyes it was me. 🍒
And in their twisted mind your the problem not him Lord help them all
Providing was his #1 justification despite the fact that he was living in my house, driving my car, and didn't have a pot to piss in when moved in. He left with bags of clothes, nothing else. He was entitled.
They know something is off even in unaware narcissists. They know they have difficulty fitting in with those in the world. Why else would they put so much energy in denying and projecting their issues. They know because they usually don't abuse in public- they can control themselves. Also they feel shame and cover things up.
Agreed. They know. I called one out and it was the look she gave me that let me know they think we’re not supposed to be smart enough to figure out they’re pretending at human emotions.
Well said. She did something very bad to my 10 years old kid and the after she came back with why she did and justifying why she did it and showing other people that is was normal.
I'm not sure about the shame part. Despite Ben mentions it constantly.
In my experience he may just not care. He's afraid to "lose face", to how it looks like, but not sure it's because of shane. He feels shameless, in every situation.
When hiding or lying about things he's totally unaffected. I bet he could pass a lie detector test.
they have difficulty with their past- and they don't want to push thru- and they think their so good looking, smart, rich-whatever they enjoy their super fictional world...
The narc was told me he destroyed every single relationships in his life. But of course he didn’t admit he ruined our’s 😂😂😂 I think he just like get new supplies all the time
My ex definitely knew he was the problem most times. When it came to entitlement he seemed to think others were the problem. When he played victim it was like the world was agst him, but when he cheated, stole, and hit me he definitely knew he was the problem but he would either flip out hysterically crying, acting theatrical to gain sympathy and forgiveness, or just avoid the person because of the shame.
I'm wondering how many people that were in toxic relationships, got over things while they were planning their escape? And didn't look back... I knew things were over 2 years ago, and checked out and started planning... gray rocking for 2 years was hard, but getting clarity was even better getting out of the fog... I saved money and left... dear John letters are the best and safest way to go.
I left mine 4 months ago. I knew what I was dealing with for nearly 3 years before I left and had started getting stronger and getting myself back long before I left. It made leaving easier and I now realize that I had gotten through much of the healing process before I left.
I can’t wait to write my mother a letter..
“You tried to kill me.* Enough said. Good riddance and good bye.”
*Allegedly, merely for legal reasons, in this instance.
This video is f-ing gold, Ben!!! 🙌🏼 What I don’t get is that her admitting her faults could have 1) Helped her heal and 2) Saved our relationship. But she refused. And what was so confusing is that she would be vulnerable when it came to other things and about ways that she screwed up in the past in her life, but never about what she did to me.
Another aspect that is not talked about, enough, is narcissists and spending money. I was constantly held accountable for having and presenting a budget, but he would never look at it. He would cause us to be overdrawn, and he would take the checkbook from me because I told him we didn’t have money to spend and then he wouldn’t pay a bill for three months at a time so that he could have spending money. Then I would have to play catch-up and pay late fees and then he would do it all over again and not pay bills for three months and then give it back to me. I only let that happen twice. I told him never again. But he would still lie to me about spending money, or give access to our account to his narcissistic father, who’d make withdrawals. To this day he has no idea how to pay bills on time. We’ve been married 34 years and I finally learned how to set a boundary four years ago. He has had no choice but to respect my boundary of separation, although we’re still married, we do not sleep together; it’s just a room-mate situation where I isolate as much as possible. I gave him separation papers, but he hasn’t fulfilled them. Yes, he has been emotionally and verbally abusive and even physically abusive. I haven’t pushed for divorce because I don’t want him to ruin me financially. But the financial aspect isn’t mentioned enough. I am very thankful for videos like this.
My ex narcissist actually said repeatedly that his version of reality was the "real" version of reality and mine was not.
Big red flags!!!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I realized at that moment that there is absolutely no repairing the relationship.
Thank you for your comment, here is the link www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough
The soon to be ex narc in my life has been doing exactly what you said at the end of your vid. Acting erratic bc he can't justify what he has done in his own head. I know there is someone else. He knows I know. The lies are increasing and just getting sillier. He got fired from his career of 20 years. Def. Spiraling. ..he's lost all control and I can't help but believe it is his karma.
They definitely know they have a problem. You cannot tell me that a person that spends their life running thru and walking away from people, do not know something is wrong. Self-aware Narc, Lee Hammock, said he definitely knew something was off with himself. He said he always felt he was different from everybody else. Narcs know! They just don't know what the cause of their indifference is and exactly WHAT is indifferent about them.
Guilt and shame, They do not feel these emotions. It works for them to lie, abuse and control. They know it and get away with it all day every day. Quote from two I encountered; if it aint broke, dont fix it!
They see success in their dirty games and for them it works its their victims that suffer and thats ok by their set of standards; as long as im ok alls good.
The narcissist, I was with, new he was mean and hatful, rude. But he didn't care. He even would tell you, he didn't care
Happy to hear that they know they are the problem .
The only good thing about being a narcissist it seems, is that they save themselves money on Halloween. No need for them to purchase a mask since they're already wearing one!
Lol
@@ReRe_642 It's true though 😆
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My mother’s birthday is on Halloween.
My grandmother (diagnosed NPD) said she could either celebrate her birthday, or Halloween.
Not both.
At least, from what my mother says.
And my grandmother would make her call up and order her own cake.
My birthday is five days before Halloween.
I’ve always loved to throw Halloween themed birthday parties; and do fun season-themed things, the entire week from my birthday, leading up to Halloween.
The pumpkin patch was always my favorite.
I’ve always attempted to include my mother, and make it about her birthday, as well; though, she never really wants any part - or and things usually end up very disappointing, to say the very least.
I do not like to celebrate my birthday, Halloween, or really the entire season, much, anymore.
🤭🤭🤭🤣🤣🤣 Good one!!!!!✌✌✌🙏🙏🙏
They justfiy it!! 100%! God, I experienced that sooooo much! Justification to shitty things they do to you is maddening! These are NOT good people, and they are delusional to all hell. Thanks for the video, Ben.
But sometimes when you catch them out, they laugh or smirk, which surely doesn't fit with shame or guilt?
Hiding with ego
So what's the nasty as grind and smirk about It's saying to me I fooled yo dumb azz for 21 years fool it that ain't sick I don't know what is
When my ex and I broke contact again after trying to get back together I think he actually told me that he knows that there is something wrong with him. He explained how he idealized me and thinking he couldn't actually love. He admitted to isolating and manipulating me. At the same time he tried to blame me for it which I mean was expected but I was done with that at that point.
good call... i was with a narc for 10yrs we did not live together so basically it was me keeping the door open a crack because i knew they were not matching my frequency or respecting my boundaries -and they I don't believe had any. So to sit around was wasting time....alot of time....being done with people is healthy for us.
Same!!
@@deb2319 When they tell you they are incapable of having a relationship and still continue to abuse the next one
My 7 year relationship ended two months ago when he moved out. When it was happening, he took full accountability, told me about how he wasn’t wired right & I’d been fighting a losing battle from day one. He loved me, he loved the kids (mine from a previous relationship) and loved us enough to know he needed to go before he caused more damage than he already had. It meant everything to me. Since, he has completed backpedaled & we’re back to I’m the problem, was always the problem, I’m trash & he hopes I die. Preferably alone. We haven’t spoken in a couple of weeks & I haven’t seen him but he goes to the bar I work at (hasn’t been coming in while I’m working for a couple of weeks) so I can only “no contact” to a certain degree. Hasn’t been an issue bc he seems to have gone no contact with me but I’m always on edge bc I know he might just show up anytime.
@@lizbarrand7701 you’re crazy! You need to quit your job and find another one lol. If you work at a bar, it couldn’t be that hard to find another job at another bar. You’re risking letting them back into your life or hurting you and your kids somehow. I know just like everybody says, you’ll never let them back lol. I’m over three years now away from my narc and you couldn’t pay me to let them know what city I’m even in let alone see me on social media. Maybe your narc didn’t hurt you as bad I don’t know? I hope things work out well for you. God bless.
In my own growing awareness of nonsensical behaviors of my covert, I asked numerous therapists is it "can't" or "won't". I knew the answer would take me in one of two directions toward a decision......do I stay or do I leave. I never got that answer. Only after self-help did I realize it's always been "won't".
They can but they won’t, because their top priority is to avoid acknowledging their shame and their wounded inner child. No matter how much assurance or support you offer them, they rarely have the courage required for introspection.
Jeez, sounds exhausting. It's much easier to turn up and and just face the reality. I get why you can't, but maybe the healing is in feeling that initial mortification of feeling worthless
Once I told the ex narc that he had a problem and he said yes y asked what he was doing about it and he said nothing as it doesn’t really affects him (the cheating, porno, looking for prostitution, manipulation). I imagine that as long as he can afford to pay for that he doesn’t see it as an issue, not even that it were his sons that found out his doble life.😢
Yes They Dont feel Pain…. They are all Right. They Dont have Empathy so why should They change ??? Hard But True!!! 😢🎉
They are addict to this stuff
My ex told me he’s not not a bad person and that he will never stoop so low when I’m fact he cheated on me with a married woman and displayed the ENTIRE PATHOLOGY of a narcissist the whole time we were together not to mention he’s 16 years older than me I’m 33 and he’s 49
Honestly , these videos from Ben Taylor are so authentic !! Thank you
Thank you
My ex narc has narc traits and BPD. She would acknowledge many times that she knows she treats me badly, she knows she neglects me, ignores me, hurts me, etc. She is perfectly aware of her bad behavior but she didn’t do anything to change it.
Mine too. My ex even admitted that there was no way he would let me get away with it if I treated him even a fraction of the way he treated me.
Here to say that I have MANY problems. But that's because I'm human being 😊 inherently flawed. Isn't it great? When we can recognize that none of us are perfect (include ourselves), there is a beautiful sense of freedom that can never be found in any other truth ❤❤
I'm proud of you (and the other self-aware narcissists). Your pathology is largely out of your control (like everone's--which is why we are all inherently flawed to begin with 😊). Your choices and real-world decisions ARE within your control. Nobody is asking anyone to be perfect, only to acknowledge each of our own flaws and recognize how that affects others, and ultimately how it affects us as a member of a community WITH others.
Proud of you, Ben.
Thanks for all of your insight and self-awareness.
❤❤
My Nex only listened in conversations when I talked about two things:
1. What I noticed about her behavior (thinking she was completely unaware of it [damn])
2. What I learned about my own Self (in separate conversations).
She would take lessons I learned about my Self and would apply them to her own "suffering". When I would get tired (exhausted) from the mind games, she would tell me she was "trying to get better", parroting the things I've learned about my Self, and pretending to apply to her own life, just to keep me around. This cycle was going round and around for almost two years.
She would ask me why I don't leave her, just to hear me validate her fxcking broken xss self-image. This was a MESS. SO GLAD SHE'S AN EX.
I hate this for [ anyone ].
This video is SOOOOO helpful in helping me understand the compartmentalizing concept. I really never knew it was a real thing, just thought my husband was the only one who did all this crazy sh*t. He was just closing himself the entire time & I had no idea. He was good at pretending the reality wasn’t real but told me he would shut me out mentally in order to cheat & he’s cheated A TON
Wow man you are describing exactly how my narc-ex covert she his and what she as done. She even told me one day i was the one that needed therapy but her knows herself and she doesn't need therapy. She often blame for things she as done by justify why she done it.
I think they sort of know that they are the problem, but they do a circular argument where they start examining their behavior, but then they do this weird thing where they flip a switch and blame YOU for their behavior. It is a very weird loop that they go through. So i think they know that what they are doing is wrong, but they justify it to themselves - like, it is not them, it is everybody else that is wrong. Very, very strange and confusing behavior on their part.
Yes. This. It’s baffling. I want to read him his rap sheet to remind him that he did this to himself
Thank you this really helped me understand the situation and it was exactly what I'm going through. I'm very appreciative of the work your doing for us..much love♡
It's been over 5 months...
And yet, for some reason,
I still can't bring myself to block him...
My soul is raped.
I want to die.
I'm desperate for RADICAL CHANGE.
5 months ago,
I came out of an abusive friendship/"situationship"...
When he'd get mad/upset/hurt/whatever:
he'd give me the silent treatment.
REMINDER TO SELF:
Reasons for narcissistic silent treatment:
* Stonewalling
* Gaslighting
* Emotional immaturity
* Lack of interpersonal skill
* Victimhood
* Dysregulation
* Doing to me, what was done to him
* Terrified of conflict
* Not knowing any other way
* Fear/panic/anxiety/terror
* Desperation
* Power over
* Regaining a (false) sense of control
* Punishment
He raped my soul:
brutally viciously violently maliciously.
Every night: nightmares.
Every day: panic attacks.
I want to die.
Every morning I wake up in despair,
desperately praying to die.
I can no longer bear the pain.
He's given me severe PTSD. Severe! Severe! Severe!
How and when will I ever heal?
God, as I walk through this hell and heartache and grief,
I pray you guide and direct and hold me...
I won't be stuck in hell anymore. Enough is enough!!!
It's time to be free: in Jesus's name!
I’m giving my life to Jesus! 100%!
Are you okay 😢
My brothers are narcs. Once I understood this and didn't let them take advantage of me, they treat me with a little more respect. I stopped arguing with them and just showed them through my behavior. They backed down. Also, I notice that narcs often develop dementia later in life. I think the brain can not handle all the lies and inconsistencies over decades. So it eventually stops functioning properly. Very sad.
Thank you so much.. everything what you just said here, looks like my Ex was literally doing it..
Sir you have changed my life today …… thank you
So much of what I went through makes sense now. Thanks Ben.
This was so helpful. Thank you!
I'm so glad!
They dam well know
Excellent video, Ben. Thank you.
Using the word demonstrating when he is lying about his actions has worked some what for me.
Thank you for all you do
Any time!
He said
"yeah I know I'm making a mistake but that's not a big deal, it's not that serious".
I don't know if I'm going to laugh or cry, He dont even see the destroying effects of his actions specially to my son.
I asked him to sign the paper but He furiously say NO.
Thank you 🌸
Thanks. That helped.
Great video! Thank you
This sounds like a very vicious cycle in a crazy persons mind. When he got caught paying for sex with prostitutes. He said to me he felt f’d up. With in minutes said I did so many “things” for you and he ran right to one of the prostitutes. He started living with her in hotels, where she does her sex work. He sent me a text saying he could not face the consequences of his actions and he couldn’t stay because I said I would never stay with a cheater. He even called himself a liar, cheater, deceiver and I should not have to be looking over my shoulder. Yet, he left me stranded at work and took the only vehicle we have. (That belongs to the both of us). I have not seen him since September of 2023. Since, then I have found out so many disgusting, disturbing things about him and his “under cover” life. This is a very sick man. I could go on for days about his, nasty, disgusting actions he does behind the scenes, but it literally makes me want to vomit! The sad part about all this he has a awful best friend, that I later found out is his down low lover that helps him facilitate his cheating. His Stepmom is one of his flying monkeys. He is truly a sad pathetic person. I believe he is possessed by demons!
Thank you for telling us your real life experiences. This helps a ton.
Yes , that is exactly what I have observed over the years .
Excellent insights! Guilt and shame as common denominator by people hidden behind their masks.
thank you for sharing this valuable information
What if one's intentional wrongdoings are made by using a third party, other people, through which it is done? Where is absolutely no chance of being exposed? Does it percieved as wrong or just another strategic move to control/destroy/smear and feel powerful and keen?
And the second question is - being a narcissist, what drives you to make such videos, what made you turn 180° and expose most common tactics to help people to notice and cope them effectively?
My ex knows he self sabotaged the relationship he says hes fed up of the cycle but think hes can break it without any help (therapy) hes pretty stubborn.
I hope he does get the help he needs and finally breaks the cycle and finds peace. But now im concentrating on my healing and my journey to find my peace
So do they feel guilt and shame? How come they feel guilt and shame emotions but not empathy.
Wow!!!!!
Do they reminisce and cry? Uncle does that. Probably only when drunk. He’s in his 80’s and on his way out. My narcy brothers took him sailing on an ice cold lake. Oh, did I mention the millions inheritance?
They dont know. In their minds its you, not them. 😮
Oh he can help it because he’s a malignant Machiavellian. His goal was to keep all our money while pushing me into crazy. “See? She’s crazy and I’m a saint” Whenever I would ask for counseling I heard crickets; he’s not the problem. So I went to therapy and was relieved to find out that I was married to a psychopath. Lol. “I did this because you…” The fact that he used sex workers because he’s too fat to make love. My fault. He’s never wrong and I think the last time he was ashamed was probably when he was 3. He hated the women he grew up with so he married me to play games with.
Ben, in every intro to your videos, I can never understand the word after "self". Is it self-born? self-warmed? self-dorned? hmmm.... Dunno... But your videos are so spot-on! Your message always moves me to tears. You really know what I went through.
I believe it’s self-aware
Indeed,@@maryhoffmann2290. Thanks for helping.
10:01: That
Wow
can a narc learn this lifestyle from a parent and therefore treat others in his/her life?...i have just found you btw.
Without listening I know they know, no way you have mental issues and unaware. Depression cannot be ignored,
I’m sure she has doubts but appeals to her new supply for more lies. Once I finally knew for a fact I called her on everything and told her she can do her routine but I know the whole person not just the nice part. That nice part doesn’t erase her from accountability WITH ME. Sadly it does work with many others so why should she change? I can’t be with someone who refuses to come clean though. Mistakes can be forgiven but love stops for me when I’m asked to deny reality. The lack of accountability acceptance and apology is not tolerable. I’d prefer to suffer alone than endure that anymore. It’s childish nonsense. What’s infuriating is who does she think she is to treat me like that? My tolerance and patience was off the charts and sadly she saw that as weakness. One thing I ve noticed is how sad she seems. I don’t believe her smile anymore. There’s no light behind it. There used to be. That’s what’s broken my heart. She’s gotten worse. I wish I’d given up sooner. For years I was part of that false reality and it burned me. Worst decision of my life that’s had some bad ones. Of course now someone else plays that part. Beauty makes believers out of fools. I guess the fool had to be beaten out of me. I wish I could have learned this from a parable rather than years of pain and loss.
The most beautiful things grow old and start rotting
@@loudiaz1292 yes that is the course of nature. This persons “love” however was rotting on the vine.
@@loudiaz1292 but yes she will lose her looks but I believed in her and loved her because I thought she was beautiful inside as well. Not perfect because no one is. But capable of caring for someone besides herself.
But why? Why would you do something that only exacerbates your guilt and shame? It makes no sense.
The narcissist may or may not know that they are the problem. Either way, they don't care, so why do you?
Doesn't anyone that cheats justify and hide it? Wouldn't anyone feel guilty and think they are kinda shitty for doing it? Sounds like normal cheating behavior lol
Narcstsra know they are the problm ,they do everything intentionally to gain something from victim ,
What's that first word you said?
@ben, what do you mean ? Babies learn object permanence at 6 months old. What do you mean that a narc thinks that other person/relationship/affair doesn’t exist. How can it truly be out of sight out of mind ?
That’s where the compartmentalization comes in, I think
pitiful!!!
buddy.... WAY TOO MUCH TALKING. Add that at the end. Get to it or you lose people before you get to the point that you are supposed to be hitting on!